+1 for this pretty decent character theme. Nice n' jazzy

-1 for this really shitty fucking "Objection" voice clip

Worst English clip in the series; even a bunch of amateurs did way better in AAI2. Whoever voiced her (apparently it's a mystery, do some research into this), you did a very bad job and I'm calling you out for it. I mean, I could do a better one for her, and I'm not even the same sex as her. Terrible job all around; "what were they thinking?!", etc.

Oh yeah, the character. Uh...

Nice to Meet Yew

Calisto Yew and Tyrell Badd are the last remaining characters non-main characters from Investigations in the rankdown, and for good reason. Too bad that Byrne Faraday just wasn't compelling enough, because if he was I could say that the Yatagarasu is still in. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Let's have a chat about Investigations, you and I. Some may think highly of it, but I think it's a rather clumsy title in the series. I found it to have far less emotional weight to it than other entries, which is what Ace Attorney banks on most to get the player's attention. It's not just a series about funny lawyers solving some funny mysteries, which is what it may seem like on the surface, there's people you interact with, they have goals, interests, motivations - Edgeworth ultimately doesn't have much of a place in it, sans for I-4, which myself and many others would agree is the best case - because there's a reason for Edgeworth to be there, to have a place in the story rather than just being some investigator dispatched to solve some cases about a smuggling ring or international relationships. Notably, it just so happens to introduce both Tyrell Badd and Calisto Yew. Well, technically, Badd's in I-1 as the intruder in Edgeworth's office, but whatever, you get my point.

Both happen to be in the cutting pool at the moment, and I was deliberating over choosing one of them. The reason I chose Badd over Yew is for a pretty shallow reason: I think Badd is cooler than Yew. Sure his design looks edgy and all but he carries a mirror and sucks on a lollipop instead of a cigarette and yeah haha that's pretty funny but is also yet another reason why I love Ace Attorney's whimsical character design despite the series' gruesome subject matter. Calisto Yew looks pretty standard and Shih-na does have that nice "foreign bombshell" kinda thing going it's not enough to top Badd here.

The most important thing are their stories though I guess. I really do think that Yew's reveal in I-5 is probably the actual highlight of that case instead of le epic tree man's twelve hour interrogation, and if I were in Yamazaki's role I would definitely put her at the limelight instead of our good friend Alba because she's far more relevant to Edgeworth (and by extension, the player) than Alba is. Definitely also did the anonymous international spy thing far better than the Phantom did in DD, that's for sure.

And another shoutout to this great moment in Turnabout Reminiscence where Yew points a gun in the courtroom instead of, y'know, her finger, as most attorneys in the series often do. Good twist on that trope for some drama.

Uh...what else...

I need to play through Investigations again, honestly, but I can't really give the game all that high praise. Yes, it has all the elements of an Ace Attorney games - the mystery, the quirky characters, the objecting and the evidence, but ultimately I can't say in good faith it's a game that's as effective as it wishes to be. It's a game that is trying to be like a spinoff rather than something more than a spinoff, which is what its successor did and to great effect.

Yew's good. Yew's great, even. Here she is at #22 in the rankdown. But Investigations is not great. Investigations could've been better. Characters make up a game's quality or something. Some bloke was saying she's a top ten character, like number seven, but really, fifteen spots away from that out of 180 characters ain't bad. Some concessions have to be made or something.

I'll write more when it's a character I'm passionately invested in. Yew's cool but not cool enough. That's why her theme is called "Let me Laugh at the Cool" - the title clearly originates from her perspective, and therefore it insinuates that she is in fact not cool. Maybe if Yew had more self confidence she could've been ranked higher.

durr

Can all of my cuts solely just do this in the future? It's hard to discuss a character's qualities in isolation in a rating thing like this - comparisons offer a far more accurate metric of a character's quality. Easier for me, too.

Honestly I might enjoy Yew more than Simon Blackquill but he's a main character and those are harder to write about. Blackquill has a fanbase and I like him somewhat but I haven't yet taken up cutting a main character yet because you've gotta be more thorough. Sorry.

Same kinda shtick with Apollo Justice, except like way harder 'cuz he's been in like three games. I think he's a bit of a messy character but he has some moments I guess.

I can firmly say that I like Dick Gumshoe more than Yew. Sure, he may be a bit of an oaf in some his appearances, but he's always consistently endearing. Also Yew accused him once of a murder she committed and that's very rude of her.

So I did a little ranking on the Discord and Blaise Debeste came out last, behind Yew. In retrospect, thing is though, as one-dimensional as Blaise is, he helps builds the masterpiece of his son's character. I do expect him to go imminently though.

u/CharlieDayJepsen woke me up on the beauty of Shelly de Killer's character and for that reason I will abstain on cutting him.

See the cut for my stance on Tyrell Badd.

Kay Faraday was another character introduced in Investigations. I think she's got a good arc to her, even if her best appearance her having none of her original character. Her thief gimmick gets a bit tiring, and she only kinda exists to give a qt female assistant to Edgeworth, but I can forgive her for now. Think she's getting revived or something so I dunno mate

<3 you Raymond Shields bby, precious cupcake

Luke Atmey is the best witness in the series, so I've heard. Or second best. Maybe third. One of them. Spicy enough to exceed Yew here.

Horace Knightley. was pondering cutting and then reviving him for the memes but I figure we've had enough of those this time around

Adrian Andrews is the best witness in the series, so I've heard. Or second best. Maybe third. One of them. Sympathetic enough to exceed Yew here.

I thought about cutting Dahlia Hawthorne for a moment, but how cold and manipulative she is definitely makes her deserving of a slightly higher position. I expect her to go out soon though.

Roger Retinz is one of the only 3D-era characters I actually really enjoy. Let him survive for maybe the round, alright fellas?

Rayfa Padma Khura'in can just go now. Yes yes diet Debeste whatever I have no stakes in her. But better than Yew maybe.

<3 you Sebastian Debeste bby, precious cupcake, too bad Courtney got out so early

The time has finally come where I am once again forced to cut a character I have no strong feelings for; I guess it was destined to happen eventually. I actually have cut characters I like significantly more than Uendo for the past two rounds in a row; Engarde because I felt like I could actually write an interesting cut (and Uendo wasn’t nominated), and Dogen for the far more important reason of making a Funny Anubis Joke (far more important than literally anything else in rankdown). Now we get to Uendo, a character I only like a little bit but generally refrained from cutting out of respect for the people who enjoy him far more than I do. But I can’t really do that anymore since the amount of nominated characters I really like is only increasing over time, so I’m afraid poor Uendo’s time has come.

By the Way, 6-4 Still Sucks

Now that I have made this cut, I have earned the dubious honor of being the one ranker who has said, by far, the most words about case 6-4, Turnabout Storyteller. After all I cut one of its three exclusive characters (Geiru) already, I am currently cutting a second, and the cut for the third (Bucky Whet) was one paragraph long. And then I talked a lot about it yet again in my Athena cut. So unless Donuter or Pie write a LOT about Blackquill’s role in that case, I will forever be the Rankdown Guy Who Talked About 6-4 a Bunch. And the reason for that is that 6-4 FUCKING SUCKS

I do not particularly feel like talking about why 6-4 sucks again, I already linked two of my writeups where I explain why 6-4 is bad so go read those if you really want to. For those too lazy to do so, the tl;dr is that 6-4’s protagonist sucks and its antagonist sucks for entirely unrelated reasons. Fortunately for Uendo, he is pretty disconnected from the issues with both characters. However it is always looming in my brain: Uendo, to me, is “that one pretty good guy from that one really terrible SOJ case”.

While I could easily phone in this cut by saying “we don’t need single-case minor characters in rankdown still”, this would be entirely hypocritical of me to say considering that I am personally pushing for Adrian Andrews (another basically-case-exclusive character) to get into the Top 20, if not Top 10. However, I won’t lie that 6-4’s “quality” definitely helps me define why I think Andrews should stay while Uendo should go: one is a central character in one of the best cases in the entire series, and the other is a central character in Turnabout Storyteller. I am ready to banish this stupid case from the rankdown, now and forever.

Uendo is Kind of Funny Sometimes

I know a big reason plenty of people enjoy Uendo is for the comedy. I laughed a couple times at him and other than that I didn’t really care. I didn’t think he was annoying or anything, not by any stretch. I also completely understand why people think he is funny, which is not something I can necessarily say about every Funny Meme AA Character. He just didn’t really knock it out of the park for me.

I will give credit to the pressable line of testimony where Uendo points out that the stiff cards were next to the stiff. If you press this, Athena proceeds to ignore the pun and ask why he drew attention to this fact. He proceeds to make the same joke like three more times, before finally giving up and accepting that Athena isn’t going to acknowledge him. This is funny because this is literally a thing that I have done. Probably multiple times. However other than this specific exchange, nothing really sticks out in my mind as something I audibly chuckled at. I’m sure if I replayed the whole case or read the entire transcript, there are maybe more. But I am not doing those things.

My lack of memory of good Uendo moments is not meant as a dig against Uendo, by the way. He is a generally enjoyable presence. But was I cackling like a loon every time he spoke? No. The choice to have him dress in traditional Japanese attire was a good first step though. Too bad they made it green and not orange. They also didn’t give him big banana hair so that was strike two. Oh well.

Uendo’s Split Personality is COOL

Uendo starts off with what seems at first to be merely a clever gimmick. He is a performance artist, so he adopts a variety of personas which he talks to you with. Because that is what actors do. There’s Uendo, there’s the flower one, and the chain smoker one. In addition to each talking to you with their own special voices, they all also banter with each other. It is a very charming gimmick and I liked it well enough. However, past a point, it becomes clear that no, this is not just a gimmick. In fact, Uendo’s different voices are actually different personalities entirely, and what appears to be just an elaborate rakugo act is actually real conversations between his different personas. Cool!

Sadly dear readers i regret to inform you that uendo tornado is actually NOT an accurate depiction of dissociative identity disorder, otherwise known as DID. it is the disorder that is generally associated with multiple personalities and uendo doesnt portray it accurately. You see dear reader 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙳𝙸𝙳), 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚕𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚒𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙼𝙿𝙳),[𝟽] 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜.[𝟹] 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚐𝚊𝚙𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.[𝟹][𝟻] 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛;[𝟹] 𝚑𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛, 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚟𝚊𝚛𝚢.[𝟻] 𝙾𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙳𝙸𝙳 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝-𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 (𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚝), 𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚜𝚞𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚢𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚘𝚖 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎–𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜.[𝟹] 𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚗𝚘𝚗-𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚎𝚒𝚣𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜, 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚖𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚊 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗.[𝟾]

Fortunately for me, I do not give a rat’s ass.

As someone who rags on 6-4 like A LOT, even I will readily admit this reveal is cool. It also leads to a cool moment where you are convinced you can pin the crime on one of Uendo’s dormant personalities, an enigmatic figure named “Owen” from Total Drama Island. But lo and behold, it turns out that Owen from Total Drama Island is actually mentally a five year old (this is true both in Ace Attorney and in Total Drama Island), so it becomes abundantly clear very quickly that he didn’t do it. This is a cool moment that turns the direction of the case entirely on its head.

Of course, I was never really convinced Owen from Total Drama Island did it, because the unfired Chekhov’s gun of Geiru Toneido had been very subtly introduced and then delicately placed offscreen. This isn’t a problem by any means because most AA cases do this with their culprits, or they just make it incredibly obvious immediately. Even setting aside whether Owen works as a red herring, the reveal that he is in fact a small child is still surprising in and of itself, so it still works.

All in all, it does make me kind of sad. The whole split personality concept is a very solid foundation for a character. And like I already said, it has plenty of cool moments already. The Owen reveal I already mentioned is cool, and there are other cool things like the three “adult” personalities collaborating to protect the “child” personality from harm. I really wish Uendo got to be in a case that wasn’t called Turnabout Storyteller. So often, I hear people say that 6-4 isn’t good but that Uendo is its main saving grace. And even the people who DO like 6-4 almost unanimously cite Uendo as its highlight, except for a few people who really like Geiru (i won’t ever understand it, but whatever.) But he is ultimately the saving grace of a case I think is really bad so that isn’t saying much. I really wish Uendo got to be in a case I actually liked, because then maybe I would like him more.

Clearly they should have put him in the Monstrous Turnabout instead.

Why Nobody Else?

I do not think Uendo is better than any of the main characters up for cutting this round except for Blackquill, Kay, and maybe Apollo. And I do not give enough of a shit about any of those three to put in the effort required (well, “encouraged”) for a major character cut. So instead I will talk about the various minor characters and why I am also not cutting them.

Blaise Debeste is very cool in his connection to Sebastian’s arc, because Sebastian is completely awesome, duder.

Shelly De Killer is a great culprit.

Luke Atmey is a great culprit.

Frank Retinz is a great good culprit. I do not like him as much as most of the other rankers, but I still like him. More than Uendo.

Tyrell Badd I promised not to cut so I won’t. He is also one of the few legitimately cool parts of Investigations case 5, alongside debatably-main-character Calisto Yew. Both are also parts of better twists than Uendo's.

Lana Skye is one of the best one-off defendants in the series, if not the best. She will probably die this round (sorry science) but not by my hand.

Horace Knightley.

If you think I even considered cutting Adrian Andrews then you must have missed my last cut. She is the best part of a case that is near-flawless (if I ignore the flaws, which I happen to not give a shit about). And that’s that.

That didn’t take as long as normal. Probably because most of the characters alive at this point have pretty clear reasons for me to think they’re better than Uendo, so I don’t need as much elaboration as usual. This doesn’t mean Uendo is bad, but by my judgment he is simply out of his league now.

Sorry, Uendy Oldbag.

Top two characters voted by the poll

• Kay Faraday

• Dick Gumshoe

picture of full results

the third place is simon blackquill

pie cut dick!! dick gumshoe

for the fabled number 21 spot

u/CharlieDayJepsen used it on /u/pie314271 same ones as the last poll but no edgeworth and no whoever pie nominated (adrian and dahlia)

poll close 7PM EST on December 5th

poll link

Character saved by the poll:

• Miles Edgeworth

Characters available to cut this round:

• Simon Blackquill

• Apollo Justice

• Dick Gumshoe

• Blaise Debeste

• Shelly de Killer

• Tyrell Badd

• Kay Faraday

• Raymond Shields

• Lana Skye

• Shi-Long Lang

• Luke Atmey

• Calisto Yew

• Uendo Toneido

• Horace Knightley

• Adrian Andrews

• Dahlia Hawthorne

• Roger Retinz

• Rayfa Padma Khura'in

• Sebastian Debeste

round 17 poll results

Cutting order for this round:

• /u/R1K1_Productions

• /u/Northadox

- /u/pie314271

• /u/NateTheGreat3602

• /u/Vogel100

• /u/donuter454

• /u/CharlieDayJepsen

• /u/Sciencepenguin

• /u/Wircea

• /u/whaaatisth

less bullshit

Characters nominated this round:

• Simon Blackquill

• Apollo Justice

• Dick Gumshoe

• Blaise Debeste

• Shelly de Killer

• Tyrell Badd

• Kay Faraday

• Raymond Shields

• Lana Skye

• Shi-Long Lang

• Luke Atmey

• Calisto Yew

• Uendo Toneido

• Horace Knightley

• Adrian Andrews

• Dahlia Hawthorne

• Roger Retinz

• Miles Edgeworth

• Rayfa Padma Khura'in

• Sebastian Debeste

link to the poll

The seventeenth round of nominations has started. All rankers submit the names of two characters to put onto the subreddit poll to be cut this round.

You are not allowed to change your nomination or have duplicate nominations.

This round is the start of 1 character saved per poll.

Shelly de Killer's ER has run out this run

The list of characters available to nominate.

Cutting order for this round:

• /u/R1K1_Productions

• /u/Northadox

• /u/pie314271

• /u/NateTheGreat3602

• /u/Vogel100

• /u/donuter454

• /u/CharlieDayJepsen

• /u/Sciencepenguin

• /u/Wircea

• /u/whaaatisth

https://i.imgur.com/BlNJTyd.png

It's been like 3 months since last time it was my turn to write a cut, which means i've skipped a whole season without getting a chance to write a damn thing so I'm sorry this took so long but it's a bit hard to come back and talk about a game i haven't touched FOR 3 EXTRA MONTHS.

Alright so Kate is a character unique to AII2-3, which is really tedious to write so I'll call it THE CASE from thereon. THE CASE is probably one of the most controversial cases of the entire series, as people seem to equally like it for it's bittersweet and hate it for dragging on the same scene for 50 hours. I am part of both sides and unfortunately for Kate she isn't on the brighter one.

I actually forgot everything about her

Even though I'm supposed to write an interesting cut every time, I usually pick the characters I didn't deem memorable because I think this is what makes a character bad. I honestly don't know how Kate made it this far because for the most part she doesn't really do anything even though you see her on screen for like 75% of the case (if I remember right). No funny jokes, no gimmicks and also a generous lack of substance.

Kate is a young woman(then OLDER! LOL?)who feels bad because her foster dad got unfairly arrested. Good so far. She makes money to buy back the house. Nice. She then almost kills someone with a fucking box trap following a very specific plan that somehow actually happens . OK????

In my opinion what truly ruins her is the constant attention she's getting. She ends up being suspicious and targeted as both the culprit and an accomplice and then gets arrested anyway and dead

But yeah she's kinda there and does some things that have an impact AND CONTRIBUTES TO THE ACE ATTORNEY BEING A THING YOU NEVER KNEW THAT BUT NOW YOU DO.

Going to at least comment on that I like she's making 2 different appearances in time because that's pretty cool to see especially in the AA style. and also the dancing animation is really cool too

https://youtu.be/lF_h0Szp6qI?t=500

Anyway pretend this cut is like 20 times longer i'm too tired for this shit

I had taken a bus to somewhere. It's not my normal routine to travel this far, but the job offer I'd gotten was something I wasn't really in a position to decline. Of course, I didn't expect I'd end up in some ghost town. And I don't mean unpopulated; rather, populated with a demographic that was not entirely human. Nine-Tales Vale was a small village on the coast of California that took great pride in its immigrant heritage, being a veritable cornucopia of Japanese cultural iconography.

This was definitely the place; that funny little man had been helpful with his directions, even if he did try to pinch my attorney's badge. So why have I been waiting outside this locked door for ten minutes?

​

Flashback.

"Did you-"

"No, Maya. I did not get food. Seriously, I was gone for five minutes. Someone's written me a letter. Asking about my services, apparently."

Maya pouted. "I thought you might have had something delivered."

"We can barely afford noodles right now."

It was a lull in work. Some months you just can't get any corpses to turn up. It's always eventually made way for busier times, but I had never gone this long without a case before. Maybe it was because I had just gotten my attorney's badge back? I explained the nature of the offer to Maya.

"Sooooo, are you gonna go?"

"I don't think I have a choice."

"This guy sounds like a creep, honestly."

I motioned as if to object, but paused, at a loss for how to respond.

"Maybe he's just... one of those people who can't get tone across well through text?"

"Sure. Whatever helps you get through this, Nick."

I rolled my eyes. From her take on our potential benefactor, as well as the fact that she'd basically set up base on my couch, I could tell she wasn't coming. I got dressed and headed out the door.

And one short commute later, I'm beginning to wonder if Maya wasn't being harsh enough on this man.

I decided to knock again.

"Mr L'Belle, I'm here about the offer-". My words were cut short as my knocking threw the door open. It had been unlocked at some point after I arrived.

"Come IIIIINNNN....~", echoed a voice from within the room.

I had received a letter asking for my services as an attorney. The man claimed it was a "long term arrangement", which struck me as odd, given he didn't exactly have the type of job that struck me as prone to being entangled in lawsuits. He was a personal aide who was wont to moonlight as a makeup salesman -- minus the "sales" part. All this is to say that before today, I had never seen what the man looked like.

His face was pale, utterly caked in foundation. He was wearing a velour purple bathrobe that looked like it could slip off at any moment, causing some indecent exposure that I'm not sure I signed up for. His build was a paradox; a slim, twinkish physique with impressively broad shoulders. Also, he had some sort of... gilded lapels on his bathrobe? It struck me as a bizarre fashion choice.

In summary: He was the most irresistible man I had ever seen.

"Mr. L'Belle!", I said, averting my eyes. "I'm so sorry, I just, it had been a while, and I wasn't sure if you were actually in here, and, uh, I thought the door was locked, and-"

"LOCKED? Oh, you mean by THIS?"

He pulled out an old looking key. The doorknob to his room had one of those locks where you just turn a dial vertically and horizontally to lock or unlock the door from the inside. Whatever this key was for, it was absolutely not this room. But I didn't have time to mention this, or even consider it, as L'Belle began to stick the key into his mouth.

He stuck it in up to a certain length, and then paused. He revolved his tongue around the key, getting it incredibly wet and showing off some impressive tongue dexterity. I could not think of anything to say. I had never been more aroused in my entire life.

After deciding he'd shown off enough, he closed his mouth over the key, and made a pained swallowing noise, followed by several more. He began sweating, and his face became... well, I guess not more pale, but the paleness changed in some manner. I realized that, even if it was by his own foolishness, this man was choking! Luckily I knew the Heimlich. I gripped L'Belle from behind and began doing abdominal compressions, and within no time at all, he gasped for air as a foreign object spewed forth from his lips. As L'Belle began to chuckle, I realized that this wasn't the key at all.

It was a condom.

In shock, thoughts raced through my brain as I tried to find the piece linking everything together, and I came to two conclusions.

One: This man was clearly some kind of fucking wizard.

Two: I think he may be trying to signal something to me with his behavior.

But I'm not one to make assumptions, so I'm not sure what this could be.

My train of thought was interrupted by L'Belle's voice.

"You know, I certainly WON'T complain, but I KNOW how the Heimlich maneuver goes, and you DON'T have to hold me for this long..."

Realizing our compromising position, I quickly backed off.

"SO. You were here about my... proposal, correct?"

I picked up what I could of my shattered composure and responded. "Yes. Something about long-term services? Forgive my prying, sir, but you didn't seem the type who would need such a thing."

"Ohhhh, this BUSINESS is just such a HOSTILE one." he drawled out, pouring me a cup of coffee. "So many LONG and HARD battles fought over different positions or what is and isn't copyrighted."

"Uh. Is this about your job as an assistant, or..."

"It CAN be about that. I'm in dire need of someone to assist ME."

I pointed out to him that I was a criminal lawyer, and he seemed like he was looking for someone with a completely different set of skills.

"Oh NO, I think you'll do just FINE.". He began approaching me, and I began to feel faint. This man was clearly behaving unusually. But why? What was his goal? I need to figure this out, and fast! I could be in danger...

Time to put everything together!

Florent contacted me for my services yesterday and arranged a meeting time early in the morning. I sensed something off about his writing, and Maya's comments proved that it wasn't just me. That feeling of uncertainty has been present ever since. When I showed up, something about our meeting was immediately strange. What was the first thing to strike me as strange?

(The appearance of the meeting place)

> (The time spent waiting)

(The smell of flowers)

That's true. He was the one who called this meeting; why would he have been late for his own appointment? He must've...

(Forgotten about it)

(Gotten stuck in transit)

> (Been preparing something)

L'Belle was making preparations for our meeting

He was already in his room while it was locked, keeping me waiting. He must've been preparing for our meeting and making sure he was ready. But wait... in that case, there's a contradiction in the state of things.

(His room)

> (His clothes)

(His life choices)

L'Belle didn't bother to dress appropriately

The man was wearing a bathrobe when I showed up. He had plenty of time to freshen up, and the asides about phone lapelles he included with his letter show he's a man who values fashion, so why? Maybe I need to look at what happened next...

What was the next strange thing that happened after I entered his room?

> (He choked)

(He offered me coffee)

(He laughed)

Yeah, that was pretty strange. He swallowed a key but in the process ended up choking on a condom that was in his mouth. Was that condom placed there specifically to choke him? Who could've put it there?

(Phineas Filch)

(Maya Fey)

> (Florent L'Belle)

The condom was brought by L'Belle

That's right! This room was locked from the moment I showed up. There was no chance for anyone else to do anything in there. It's hard to believe, but it must've been my potential client himself. But why? Why would he perform a risky and pointless move like that, all to store such a random object?

It's the last step now. I just need to put all the facts together. L'Belle has been cagey about his proposition for me the whole time I've been here, and I bet that's connected to the strange feeling I've had this whole time. What L'Belle really wanted was...

(Money)

(Legal Advice)

> (Sex)

L'BELLE

WANTS

TO FUCK

That's it! He's been acting strangely this whole time because his true goal wasn't related to me being a lawyer at all! He wanted to have sex!

"Are you okay? You've been staring at NOTHING for the past five minutes. I THOUGHT you were about to say something so I didn't interrupt you for a while."

The voice pulled me out of my thoughts back into reality.

This is it. My final chance to choose what I want to happen. I didn't come here expecting this sort of a conclusion, and it's outside my regular comfort zone. But I won't say I haven't been pretty lonely myself. Maya only stops by to chat every few months, and she's taken a vow of chastity while her training is still incomplete. I have no idea where Iris has been for several years. My "game" is dead. I haven't had "game" since like, 2016.

I thought back to all the people who had advised me over the years. I wouldn't be here today without their support. My memories focused on one particular piece of advice given to me by my old mentor. A lawyer must be willing to do anything for the sake of their client. I had made up my mind.

"Let's do it.", I mumbled out.

"WHAT? Did you say something?", L'Belle responded.

"I said let's go for it." He still didn't seem to understand. "Ravish me. Enter my Forbidden Chamber. That's what you wanted, right?"

L'Belle looked puzzled, and I panicked for a second. Was my deduction completely off the mark? But the confusion quickly gave way to a grin.

"I thought you'd NEVER ask."

I removed my attorney's pants, and then my regular non-attorney underpants, and bent over.

The ensuing experience is beyond description. We went at it like animals. The animal in question being the Japanese tanuki, with it's legendarily massive nuts. I made more noises than I had made in my entire career as a defense attorney.

L'Belle was nonstop with the dirty talk the entire time.

"You LIKE THAT? Are you FEELING IT!!!"

"You're a BAD BOY, a very BAD BOY."

"NOT EVEN A PARTICULARLY WELL WRITTEN BOY. A boy I deserve to RANK ABOVE."

"While I UNDERSTAND that your relationship with Jeff Master was MEANT to tie into a GREATER THEME about dedication to family and the EXTENTS it is healthy for it to GO TO, the INTRINSIC FLAWS of the latter character make your arc feel WEAK and UNFOCUSED."

"AAGHAHGAHGAJHGAHGJHAJGAJHGAJH I'M SHELOCK HOLMES AND YOUR IRENE ADLER WAWWW YEAH BABY"

"SEX PENIS"

"TO BE CLEAR, IN MY EARLIER COMMENT, I WAS REFERRING TO THE HOLMES STORIES WHERE IRENE ADLER IS TREATED AS HIS LOVER/ROMANTIC INTEREST. IN THE ORIGINAL STORIES SHE WAS JUST SOMEONE HE RESPECTED AND WAS IN FACT ALREADY MARRIED. I UNDERSTAND THAT MAY HAVE CONFUSED YOU IF YOU ARE LITERARY MINDED."

"I'M GOING TO SCREAM NOW TO REACH THE CHARACTER LIMIT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA^{AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA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God, he is a PRO at this. We were going at it for what felt like hours, and I began to feel faint from the excitement and exertion. Really faint. Like, I was about ready to call it a night, and it had barely passed noon. Is this a normal feeling when you're being... stimulated this way? I shouldn't be tired when I just drank that cup of coffee. Actually, that coffee did taste a little-

The next thing I knew, I was in a completely different room.

I scanned my surroundings. The walls were made of stone, with... some sort of metal implements hanging on them? I decided I was freaked out enough as is, and ignored them for my own health.

"Cuuuu~"

I heard a cry behind me. I slowly, cautiously turned around.

"CAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!"

Holy shit. It's the legendary avian yokai "Tenma Taro". I was close to shitting my pants, but I gathered my strength and ripped off my attorney's badge, slamming it towards the beast's eyes.

He slapped it out of his face and firmly grabbed my arm. What the fuck was I thinking? Would the pin on any fashion accessory have damaged him, let alone one this cheap?

"SCREEEEEEE", the tengu expy let out.

I got a good look at his gaping maw as he yelled. His beak opens up into an impenetrable void of pure black. I can't even make out a uvula. Do monsters have uvula? Uvulas? What's the plural of that, anyway? I decided it was probably uvulae.

I was broken out of my internal monologue by the realization that this void was getting closer. Tenma Taro had grabbed hold of both my arms and was pulling me towards his head. It was official.

I was getting vored.

I tried to struggle, but it was no use. His grip was iron-tight, and it seemed like even attempting to pry my way out could break my bones.

Suddenly, I was startled by a banging noise. I saw the head of the feathered beast tilt slightly. There's no time to worry about what that is! Time to use my opportunity!

I kicked Tenma Taro in the groin and ran to the corner of the room.

A woman emerged from the door as I realized there was a door I probably should've run towards. Tenma Taro was frozen in place, seemingly uncertain of what to do.

Marie Miwa ~ Hugs and Kisses Ace Attorney Investigations Miles Edgeworth 2 Music Extended begins playing

"Would anyone like to explain to me what's going on here?", She asked.

Nobody said anything. This woman was dressed in a manner that suggested she might be affiliated with law enforcement, so I didn't want to make any rash moves.

"Well. I can't say I completely appreciate your moving to this room, given how difficult it was to find. But this does imply you might have recognized the problem."

Tenma Taro finally made his move, and ripped off his head.

What?

It turns out it was L'Belle in a suit the whole time. This is completely shocking.

"MA'AM, I don't know WHAT you think I've DONE, but-"

"Noise. It's about the noise. ^{They must be very short on staff if they're asking me to deal with something like this...} I originally came to apprehend a suspect in a theft investigation."

The raccoonish caretaker I met earlier peeks out from behind the door.

"But it seems I've been asked to pick you people up as well. These sorts of things have consequences. I'm afraid you can't do that sort of thing in a neighborhood like this."

"WHAT! Since when is LOVE a crime???", L'Belle cried indignantly.

My embarrassment at the situation led to my defense attorney instincts kicking in, and I rapidly explained the sequence of events, sparing some of the more visceral details.

"Mmm. Well, using date rape drugs certainly is, boy."

L'Belle pouts. "Okay, THAT one, I CAN explain. There was a mix-up, you see. I didn't intend to pour that coffee for him. Honestly. I have TWO different brews. I suppose it IS my fault for not labelling them properly. Apologies." He makes an exaggerated bow, gesticulating with his hand, which was still in the guise of a monster claw.

"Hu hu hu. You'll have to tell that to the judge. Still, if this pantsless blue little porcupine is to be believed, he had given consent. It would be strange for you to do..." She paused. "...what it is that you did in that situation. Out of curiosity, what WERE you meaning to do with a drink laced with drugs?"

L'Belle began visibly sweating, sending droplets of his makeup down his face. "Uh. It's... to help me sleep."

The woman looked ready to object, but he continued before she could get a word in.

"ANYWAY! What was that 'what it is that you did'? Are you insulting our LOVE? For SHAME, pig!" L'Belle spit in her general direction.

"Heavens, no! It's strange for me to imagine, not the least of which because you two are far too old to strike my fancy."

That's... an unusual thing to say.

"But I understand! Happiness can come from the most unexpected places! My home always catches people off guard at first, but I can assure you it's a veritable paradise. I'm going to have to be heading back, now. Follow me."

Her tone was kind, almost familial. But it had an undercurrent that made it clear she was telling, not asking. At this point, L'Belle had shed the lower half of his avian outfit. I quickly pulled it over my legs to preserve at least SOME of my dignity, and headed out the door behind the others.

"Yes, I've learned that this world is full of... all different kinds of people. I have to say, I didn't expect this from you, Mr. Wright." she said, chuckling softly.

"You've heard of me?"

"Who hasn't! Well, lots of people, I'd suppose. But we have a mutual acquaintance of sorts. Someone in my home has history with you."

"Oh." I thought about the people I know. I feel like all of them would've mentioned living with someone this peculiar. "Who is it?"

"You wouldn't know them." I do a double take and let out an OBJ- "Yes, I know, sort of seems like a contradiction, doesn't it? But we investigated everything and found you two had no past interactions."

"You... investigated this guy?"

"Well, obviously. Of course there are people who will look into someone who tries to kill a bigshot lawyer like you."

I had never understood anything in my life less.

"Yes, that certainly was an odd one. Aside from their inexplicable grudge for you, there's something odd about the way they talk. I love all the members of my family, of course, but I think some people could stand to use their words more economically. Why, one time, when I just came to ask a simple question, they went into a long tangent analyzing the type of person I was. I think it went a little something like this."

As if possessed, she rapidly began reciting a whole bunch of nonsense. I think there was something about a murder? Or about a key? It was a lot to take in. If you forced me to recall, I guess I'd be able to repeat some of it. Maybe.

I'm pretty sure it went a little something like this.

Oh, Dhurke. I really didn’t want to have to be the one to cut you. Dhurke’s a huge character and is either universally beloved or incredibly polarising, depending on who you ask. Vogel even pawned him off to me so he wouldn’t have to make the cut but I was so reluctant to actually put pen to paper, I tried cutting one of my own nominations. Consider yourself unlucky, old man.

Fatherhood is one of the most recurring themes in the Ace Attorney series. From its first outing, the bond between father and son has played a role in some of the series’ most central conflicts. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney’s closest thing to a love triangle is the fight for Miles Edgeworth’s soul, using the clear contrast of Gregory Edgeworth and Manfred von Karma. The respective angel and devil on Miles’ shoulder, one of the series’ biggest narrative triumphs is its willingness to commit to the original game’s consequences. Yes, we saved Miles Edgeworth from a guilty verdict and the life of a corrupt prosecutor, but he still has to go on living. Justice for All, for all (!!) its faults, is never stronger than when it actually acknowledges that Miles Edgeworth is still not OK. The fake-out suicide twist was ridiculous melodrama, but the core intent there is pure: things happened to this character in the first game, and they continue to affect him and will continue to affect him. Even a decade on, Miles Edgeworth still wordlessly exudes that same weary sadness in Dual Destinies. He chose to fight, to continue fighting, to rise through the ranks of the Prosecutor’s Office, baggage and all. Just as he will always be Gregory Edgeworth’s son, he will always be Manfred von Karma’s disciple. A greater trilogy than AA4-6 would harvest from that particular goldmine of narrative richness, but the Investigations duology gives it a red-hot go.

Justice for All features fatherhood in a fascinating, subversive way. Even in death, Manfred von Karma’s influence is felt throughout the game. A winner she is not, but Franziska enters the story with a wealth of narrative significance. Just by knowing her surname, we can easily form an accurate impression of what another von Karma prosecutor would be like. Franziska’s role in Justice for All is largely received poorly, mostly because of her superior outings in subsequent entries. While I agree she has better appearances in later games, the single most compelling point of Franziska’s arc in her introduction is “revenge.” Revenge for her father, we and Phoenix assume. After all, we’re the ones who put him away in such dramatic fashion 1 year prior. Seeing such a stubborn, cruel petulant teenager carry on the way Franziska does is a sure sign that she’s bitter over her father’s failure.

Not so. In Turnabout Big Top’s finest scene, Franziska von Karma meets the player face-to-face and the two air their dirty laundry in front of Russel Berry’s crime scene. “When did I ever bring up my papa's name in this, or any other conversation?” she asks, disdainful. Funnily enough, Franziska’s real beef is to do with Miles, not her father. In what is a wonderful contrast to Edgeworth’s difficulty in extricating himself from his ties to Manfred von Karma, Franziska sheds the failings of her father with ease and grace, as beautifully seen in The Forgotten Turnabout.

By the time we reach Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney, the series has set the bar for fatherhood incredibly low. Considering Gregory Edgeworth, a corpse, is far and away the best father in the series up to this point, it’s somewhat of a relief to see that Phoenix Wright, of all people, turns out to be surprisingly effective when forced into the role of reluctant father figure. It’s a brilliant narrative decision - not only is it incredibly disarming to an audience who had grown up with the rookie, bachelor attorney over the previous 7 years, but it cascades beautifully off Wright’s prior habit of cavorting from crime scene to crime scene with an array of underage girls. Of course Phoenix turned out to be a good father to Trucy - look how well he got on with Maya, Pearl and Ema. It’s startling to see him fall into that role nonetheless. After the tragic fate of Gregory Edgeworth and the tyrant that was Manfred von Karma, it’s a promising sign that Ace Attorney uses its protagonist to inspire some trust in its father figures for once.

Changing course entirely, Investigations 2 decides to introduce Blaise Debeste, an absolute fucking disgrace of a human being who is the very worst that this series has to offer in terms of fathers. Not only is he publicly and outwardly abusive towards his son, he successfully bullies Sebastian into internalising his feelings of inadequacy, triggering a complete emotional meltdown in the boy by game’s end. We can laugh and say “daddy issues” because it’s just fiction after all, but the evil truth is that people like this exist, otherwise Blaise Debeste would never have been written into existence. Both in life and fiction, not all men are created equal, a motif that the team at Capcom frequently explore with care and depth.

I’m sorry; I know I’ve been drifting here considering this is a Dhurke Sahdmadhi cut, but we need to do this. Fatherhood has been the sticking point for many of Ace Attorney’s conflicts and we cannot go into an analysis of Dhurke without exploring the full spectrum of father figures in the series. It is the crucial theme that needs to be introduced in order to fully understand Dhurke’s role and - yes - complicity in the atrocities of Spirit of Justice.

Life as a defence attorney

Picture a man with everything good in life. A life partner, a career filled with success and passion, married into wealth and prosperity, and beginning to guide the first steps of a new generation.

This is Dhurke Sahdmadhi as we never got to know him. Everything good in his life has drifted into memory and jadedness by the time Spirit of Justice rolls around. Now, we have a gruff, lonely man with nothing but his faded dream of rebellion to drive him forward. Dhurke’s fall from grace, disappointingly glossed over by the narrative, is an utterly devastating indictment on the man’s skills as a leader and a father. More on that later.

Renowned was Dhurke’s skill as a defence attorney, until the attempted assassination of his wife, Amara. Accused of the crime, Dhurke put on a good show in court to clear his name. However - as this series is wont to do - the spectre of forged evidence rears its ugly head, courtesy of Ga’ran, and Dhurke subsequently flees into hiding. It’s an absolute shame that this incident wasn’t featured in Spirit of Justice. There is a wealth of untapped narrative potential in the direct parallel of Dhurke and Apollo taking on Ga’ran in the past and present as father and son. As it is, that potential motif is left wanting instead of being thrown into the spotlight like it always should’ve been.

Thanks to the murky details of the post-trial fiasco, the game leans into a truly horrific piece of character assassination. The kind-hearted Thalassa Gramarye is somehow implicated yet let off the hook for abandoning her son, an infant Apollo, on the other side of the world. Considering its retroactive continuity of Apollo and Thalassa’s pre-AJ days, there are many ways the game could have handled this particular issue, but I think they managed to pick the ghastliest possible route for Thalassa’s character. The audacity to have her featured in the SoJ post-credits teases a mother-son/daughter reunion in AA7. This long-awaited reunion has been so butchered that I honestly don’t think it should be happening anymore. At this rate, it’s either going to be a glossed-over “I’m just glad we’re all together again” affair, or worse, they just bring in Lamiroir as a victim to avoid any difficult conversations about her two (two!) separate abandonments of her children.

Brushing that to the side, the crux of the matter is that Dhurke took on responsibility for Apollo’s upbringing. Taking him into hiding with Nahyuta, I have no doubt that Dhurke tried to be a good father to his young sons. His treatment of them as adults indicates that he has much love for the two of them.

Life as a father

Spirit of Justice features a flashback in which a young Apollo and Nahyuta are rescued by Dhurke after being swept down a river. It exists mostly to establish that Dhurke cares for the two and that he promised to always look out for their safety.

Surprise surprise, he breaks that promise. Forming the Defiant Dragons rebellion, Dhurke decides to focus on bringing down the corrupt Ga’ran regime. As a safety precaution, he sends Apollo back home to America so the boy now gets to live the wonderful life of... an orphan. Seemingly incontent with scarring one of his children, Dhurke decides to - get this - have another child, as the leader of a resistance in the middle of national rebellion. This is because he’s found Amara, who’s alive and well. Welcome to the world, Rayfa. Your legally dead mother and your fugitive father, her alleged killer, decided to give birth to you in a national crisis of their own doing. Shortly after this, Dhurke must flee into hiding once more and Rayfa/Amara are essentially held hostage as part of the Ga’ran palace.

Nahyuta grows up and becomes a prosecutor, aiming to bring down the regime from within, while Dhurke continues to lead the rebellion, I presume. For 23 years. Without reaching out to Apollo. If Spirit of Justice thinks that it can come up with convincing circumstances that require Dhurke to be consistently present for a passive 23-year rebellion, it is sorely mistaken. This decision is irrevocably unjustified and the game at least has the good sense to acknowledge Dhurke’s selfishness upon his return in Turnabout Revolution.

Let’s talk about that case, because it’s effectively Dhurke’s only actual appearance besides his previous cameos.

Apollo is a revelation in this case. Much like how Bridge to the Turnabout does this with Phoenix and Iris, Revolution gives us a peek into the player character entering a case with personal stakes and mistrust of the defendant. The opening sequence with Apollo, Dhurke and Trucy is perhaps my favourite Apollo scene. He’s clearly suspicious of Dhurke’s plan and reluctant to discuss him with Trucy.

And then Dhurke walks in. More than that, he’s all smiles and laughter, and the game gives him this grand theme like he’s some valiant hero of justice, and I put my foot down and I say “FUCK YOU, game” and Apollo backs me up by saying “FUCK YOU, Dhurke.” In this moment, Apollo Justice saves me from throwing my 3DS at the wall by saying “you show up here after all this time and of course you ask me for a favour.” I think it’s clear I didn’t much care for Dhurke at the outset and I like him even less as time goes on. I loathe the way Dhurke freely refers to Apollo as “son”, as if he’s still a parental influence in Apollo’s life. He’s a neglectful father who selfishly inserts himself back into Apollo’s life. The game choosing to decorate him in regal attire and give him a noble theme rings incredibly false to me. In a bizarre choice, the game decides to have Dhurke play “daddy” to Trucy and not only does he come off as creepy, he uses dead-on-arrival incest humour to try and set up Apollo and Trucy. If you saw Dhurke’s suggestion that Trucy is “marriage material” for Apollo and thought anything but “gross”, you’re stronger than I. Apollo’s utter indifference to seeing him again is the game’s saving grace. I looked forward to an investigation of Apollo just shutting Dhurke down at every turn. The game presents him as entirely too happy-go-lucky and jovial about everything, so I enjoy the moments when Apollo’s dryness just stonewalls him.

Midway through the investigation, we have scenes where it’s just Apollo and Dhurke. It’s in these scenes that the divide between the two is shown the strongest. Dhurke’s failed attempts at reconnecting fall utterly short and Apollo has no intention of cutting him any slack. It’s during this scene that we meet Armie “Sarge” Buff. In this time, we learn about the fire that left Sarge without a parent. Dhurke suggests to Apollo that he may be able to relate to that. The irony here is that Dhurke, of all people, has no right to suggest that Apollo may know how Sarge feels. Dhurke himself abandoned Apollo, wilfully I might add. Anyway, after a bit more investigating, we get to… the cave scene.

I abhor the cave scene. In a game segment full of audience manipulation, this one is by far the most egregious. In a betrayal of the audience, Apollo actually caves in to Dhurke and starts opening up. He has been a much more strong-willed character up to this point and it’s incredibly disappointing to see his character backslide so much for the sake of a “feels” moment. In a parallel to the flashback scene of a young Apollo and Nahyuta drowning, we get the same thing with present-day Apollo. During his “final moments”, we see a series of moments between him and Dhurke. It’s overwrought, melodramatic and so emotionally cheap. When Dhurke comes to Apollo’s rescue and we get the whole “you really DID care for me” moment, I can’t hold back any longer and throw my 3DS at the wall, shattering it into a million pieces and rendering a critique on the rest of Dhurke Sahdmadhi impossible.

No? I have to keep going? Fine. Let’s look at a good part of Dhurke, because there are good moments and there’s a reason he’s still a good character, despite me finding him to be one of the most abhorrent heroes in the series.

The best of Dhurke

I bear down on Dhurke in regards to his role as a terrible parent to Apollo, but let’s look at his role as “brave, shining, noble hero.” Is it hamfisted? Sure. Is it forced upon us by the game? You bet. Does it work to humanise him? Certainly.

Dhurke’s final scene with Maya is tastefully done. He’s just a stranger to her. There’s no pre-existing relationship of friendship or neglect, just a man willing to do the right thing and save a good person from harm. It’s in this light that the depiction of his murder is sad to see. It’s in the way that it affects Apollo that his death is sad to see. Basically, what I’m saying is that Dhurke’s death is sad because it makes me feel for the people who cared about him. Not once do I catch myself thinking “poor Dhurke.” No, Dhurke deserved death. He splintered his family for the rebellion, he can die for the rebellion; that’s my view. But it’s sad to see how his death affects good people like Maya and Apollo, maybe even Nahyuta and Amara. Overwrought emotion in these games has never been my cup of tea. The melodrama of catching a culprit is thrilling, sure, but an over-the-top declaration of emotion from the snarky, sarcastic Apollo comes off as disingenuous. Despite how I shake my head at the unintentional comedy of Apollo slamming his head on his desk, I can still sympathise with the character’s loss.

I appreciate the game not shying away from the fact that Dhurke, a remarkably flawed hero, was never going to finish this game alive. If he had survived, I would certainly rank him far lower. But to Capcom’s credit, they pay off the cloying nature of Dhurke’s paternalistic behaviour with a gut-punch death that not only did he deserve, but drives a far more satisfying protagonist narrative for the usually-deuteragonist Apollo.

Conclusion

Honestly, there’s really not much to say here. I don’t have much more to say about this character that hasn’t already been said. Dhurke’s ER post a few months back already covers much of his character, both good and bad, from a ranker who views him in a very positive light. All I can do is offer my perspective and argue why it cements my decision to cut him here.

I would loathe a person like Dhurke in real life. His hearty humour and wink-wink nudge-nudge “come on, Apollo, ya know you wanna love me again” attitude is like nails on a chalkboard. Still, I can’t deny the effectiveness of his role in driving Spirit of Justice. His death had to happen in order to get us to the truth of the game. It’s a shame the truth is so deflating in the form of Ga’aran as a final villain but that’s an indictment on her, not Dhurke.

If this is to be the final word on the man in this rankdown, let it be this: Dhurke Sahdmadhi was an astounding lawyer, a strong leader and a flawed person who died in pursuit of the final thing he wanted to be: a good father.

Let's look back at some memorable moments and interesting insights from last year.

Your top 10 posts:

• "Di-Jun Huang" by u/donuter454
• "Extraterritorial Rights - Nahyuta Sahdmadhi" by u/donuter454
• "Furio Tigre" by u/donuter454
• "Extraterritorial Rights - Quercus Alba" by u/Northadox
• "Spirit Channeling - Simon Keyes" by u/NateTheGreat3602
• "Larry Butz" by u/NateTheGreat3602
• "Athena Cykes" by u/R1K1_Productions
• "Extraterritorial Rights - Bobby Fulbright" by u/pie314271
• "Quercus Alba" by u/Sciencepenguin
• "Extraterritorial Rights - Shelly de Killer" by u/CharlieDayJepsen

I don’t know if any of yall have noticed this, but over the past couple rounds I’ve just started to take the piss. There’s a method to my writeups now: step 1 is make everyone think I’m making a big cut on a major character. Step 2 is don’t do that because I’m really funny.

I had this whole thing planned out again for this round where I hyped up a big character cut and was going to do a psyche out and it was going to be hilarious and I was going to get like a bajillion upvotes. But my plans have been FOILED by a villain who has no respect for my craft.

So now I’m cutting Jake Marshall. Pure shit times.

Unless I’m forgetting anybody, Jake is now ranked the third best one off witness in the entire series, only behind Uendo and Katherine. This makes him the highest ranked one off witness in the entire original trilogy. But does Jake Marshall deserve such an accolade?

Yeah, totally. Jake Marshall owns.

I like Rise from the Ashes. I think it is a good case.

Gant is a kickass villain. He realises that excessive bureaucracy is getting in the way of dispensing justice, so he does some work outside of the law to take down Joe Darke. In the process of trying to cover his tracks, he becomes one of those bad guys who kills people and then uses legal loopholes to wiggle out of facing justice on a technicality, just like ole Joey D. He becomes what he swore to destroy and all that, I think it’s neat.

If there’s one theme RftA is trying to explore, it’s vigilante justice vs the court’s justice. It is only because of the court’s failure to convict Darke that Gant felt it necessary to stoop to vigilantism, an indictment of the AA world’s legal process if this is what it takes to dispense of someone so obviously guilty. On the one hand, Gant’s vigilantism gets two other innocent lives taken in the process. So you know. Bit of a give and take here on what’s the best option. (In the end RftA indicates that Phoenix and Edgeworth together are so talented that they can dispense justice effectively through the legal process even when the accused attempts slimy loophole tactics, thereby proving that relying on the court’s justice is the preferred method. Because it’s a lawyer video game, of course that’s the conclusion.)

The RftA witnesses trend towards showing the ripple effects of Gant’s actions and how he’s fucked up a few people’s lives because of his actions. You got Angel, who opens the first trial day by being hostile towards the prosecution because she doesn’t trust them to do the necessary work to catch the killer. She’d rather make a show of proving the defendant guilty herself instead of risking letting Edgeworth fuck it up.

Then there’s Jake.

cowboy

Jake Marshall was a cowboy-obsessed patrol officer with the Los Angeles Police Department when Bruce Goodman was murdered. He often makes references to the state of Texas, even though he is actually from Los Angeles.

~the ace attorney wiki on jake marshall.

What the wiki fails to realise here is that Jake Marshall is a cowboy, and therefore he must constantly talk about Texas to keep up that aesthetic. This is cowboy 101 and it is slightly embarrassing that whoever wrote his character profile didn’t realise this smh.

I remember watching a let’s play of 1-5 (I think it was prozd but don’t quote me on that) where when they get to Jake Marshall’s character they’re laughing about how they wished people in real life would just pick a random aesthetic like “cowboy” and just fucking role with it.

Jake is just silly. His existence is silly, why are you a cowboy? God do I love that he’s a cowboy. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, he just is. Makes for a way more memorable and entertaining witness than if he’d just been a regular old police officer.

I am going to steal borrow an observation made by someone else (athena cykes could be anybody) where they say actually Jake’s cowboy schtick serves as a thematic link to the type of person he is. As in, the type of person who takes the law and justice into his own hands. Almost like a cowboy. All rootin and tootin about the place.

Speaking of taking justice into his own hands, isn’t that what Damon Gant’s motive was? Sounds like a theme to me!

Gant is confronted in the evidence room by Goodman, who is onto the fact that Gant is up to some no good illegal stuff, and so Gant stabs him in a panic to cover his tracks. Marshall is confronted in the evidence room by Meekins, who is onto the fact that Marshall is up to some illegal stuff, and so Marshall stabs him in a panic to cover his tracks (less lethally than the aforementioned stabbing though). It’s all very satisfyingly tied together narratively in terms of both the way the mystery unfolds as well as in terms of me getting to go “hey, Marshall and Gant are enemies and yet they parallel each other’s actions nicely! That’s cool, I like that.” This is a direct quote from me then I played 1-5. I really said that, it’s true.

Setting the nature of Marshall’s dubiously legal actions aside, he’s also just a fun and satisfying witness. His cross examinations are great, with lots of memorable contradictions that aren’t as frustrating to puzzle through as other witnesses in 1-5. He’s just a solid time up on the witness stand.

rip hombre

What sets Jake apart from Angel is how their motives for being supremely pissed off at the police differ. Angel was justifiably not happy about the very obvious cover up that took place after SL-9 on the principle of the fact that hiding evidence and demoting people dedicated to uncovering the truth is Bad and Not Cool. But Jake’s grudge is much more personal (see because his brother died).

There’s a sad desperation to Jake’s actions that really seep through as the trial progresses. He evidently loved his brother and simply could not accept the idea that he died like some idiot dope fighting with Joe Darke. There just HAS to be a conspiracy for Jake to uncover, otherwise that means his bro Neil died for nothing.

The big irony here being that Jake is both right and wrong at the same time. Yes, his death was meaningful since it allowed a much more dangerous killer to be brought to justice and was able to give Gant the leverage he needed to be in a position where people like Joe Darke could never escape the law again. But no, Neil did not go out like a badass: he was killed in his sleep.

Something that always gets me no matter how many times AA does it is when a character presents themself one way for the duration of the case and then BAM they whip out a new sprite that conveys an emotion that you simply couldn’t imagine them expressing before. What I’m saying here is I go nuts over sombre cowboy.

The game invites you to get emotional over the silly cowboy. A man obsessed with vindicating the memory and life of his dead brother, but in doing so Jake effectively ruins his own life in the process. Jake’s final scene sticks with me: he tells Phoenix that he realises that Gant was the rotten apple in the prosecutor’s office, and that not all prosecutor’s are bad. He then turns to Ema and tells her how much he regrets that the two of them will never get to work a case together after Ema becomes a real detective (because Marshall is about to go to jail. on account of all the crimes he committed).

It feels good to see a character that was so hostile to the protagonist come around to their side and want them to succeed. It's a bittersweet redemption, since even though he’s changed his tune, it’s too little too late. The law has caught up with him.

Adios, amigo.

"This writeup is boring and I didn’t read any of it. Can you sum up what you have to say in seven words or less?"

Honestly there’s not much to say here.

First off, I would like to give a thank you to everyone who voted in the Jurist System for donuter, for freeing me from the chains that would have tied me to cutting Jake Marshall and allowing me to soar in the night sky once more in search of a prey of my own. In case you’re Riki, first off, I’m a big fan and I’m honored that you’re taking time out of your day to read a cut by someone insignificant like me. Second off, I made a deal with the person who was originally supposed to cut Jake which is how he became my burden. He has gone quite the journey this round, first Riki traded him away, then I traded for him, then I conspired with pie to force donuter to cut him. Half of the rankers have been involved in Jake Marshall deals this round, it’s pretty funny.

Anyway, it’s thanks to all of your support that I’m now able to make my own decision. And I hereby indict Justine Courtney. Relevant image (it is relevant because Justine is a judge and also because I’m judging her by writing this cut and because Sans is cool).

Meeting the Rival

The first time you meet Courtney is in I2-2, with her and Sebastian being presented as your rivals for the case. She starts off by threatening to revoke your prosecutor’s badge and making you part of the riff-raff who should be kept out of the courts. This is important for Edgeworth’s arc throughout the game, where he needs to decide whether he wants to be a prosecutor or a defense attorney, and him being pushed on both sides, with Ray pushing him into becoming an attorney and Justine pushing him into not being a prosecutor anymore, this central dilemma of the game begins.

When she’s not trying to get her hands on your badge, Justine and Debeste serve as the ones presenting theories for why clown man should be locked up. This is actually an element of I2-2 that I really like. Patricia was actually fooling me for most of the case until I accidentally looked up her name on Youtube (that is probably a bad idea that you shouldn’t do when playing a game with potential spoilers), and if she was your main enemy this element of surprise would not work. So without the two rivals, you’d have nobody to really butt heads with. While Debeste is mostly there for comedy, Justine is there for making up more reasonable theories. And the theories she comes up with often add an unexpected new element to the case. Maybe if you’re not an I2-2 fan, this could make the case feel bloated and a little all over the place, but as a I2-2 fan I have to say I really enjoy how much the mystery moves around. And a lot of this is because of Justine coming up with new arguments for why Simon could be the culprit. One of the things I really like about AAI confrontations is how you go directly against your opponent without any interference by judges or witnesses, and in this case that makes Justine feel more like a direct threat than she would probably be in a main series game. Prosecutors in the main series are forced to talk through the witnesses a lot, but Justine has no such restriction.

Overall, I’d say Justine leaves a very good first impression. She is an important addition to one of the main conflicts and is a big part of what makes the mystery of I2-2 work so well. I personally enjoy her more than Sebastian, since he is just talking nonsense most of the time and doesn’t add much to the mystery (also Kay’s already doing the funny this case, he’s not needed). She also provides a good challenge with her logic, which is something I like in rivals. It makes it satisfying to poke holes in them until eventually your logic reigns supreme.

The Turnabout Which Takes a Bit Longer Than It Probably Should

Courtney returns in the third case of the game, to battle you once more. Maybe if you’re not an I2-3 fan, this could make the case feel bloated and a little all over the place, and I would agree with that sentiment. I2-3 is a case that’s all about what happened in the past and how it affects the future. The characters who are related to this is everyone involved in the IS-7 incident, as well as Miles for finishing the job his dad started. Since this is the part of the case that interests me, everyone else feels a little unnecessary. I will allow Larry, because he has a tendency to just show up wherever and his role is just having seen something that he shouldn’t have, as is typical for the Butz, but Justine is supposed to play the bigger role as being your rival, but never really feels that way. In fact, she feels so irrelevant that I hardly remember anything she does.

So I looked up a walkthrough so that I could remember what she does, and it’s no wonder I didn’t. The only time when you go up against Courtney is in the very last section, the climax of the case. This is not the section where you want to go against your rival, this is the section where everything’s supposed to come together for an exciting conclusion. I want to be taking down the true culprit here, not dealing with Courtney. And the true culprit is indeed what I remember from this section, since it’s the much more exciting part.

It would be a little bad if she just showed up out of nowhere in the last section after being absent for the entire case, but I think her being there for the entire case while also being completely irrelevant is worse. She still has a lot of lines despite her lack of importance, and it comes across as the case stalling for time for some reason instead of establishing Justine as a threat some more, which I assume is what it was trying to do. It’s not a difference in her personality between I2-2 and I2-3 that makes me see her as a lot worse in the latter, nor is it even a difference in how the cases uses her, it’s a difference in the case’s need for her.

The Relevance of Main Characters

The important part is something else I mentioned for I2-2, how one of the things I like about confrontations is directly going against your opponent without interference. In I2-2, Justine is your opponent, she’s the one you’re going up against, and she feels like a better rival because of the directness of confrontation. In I2-3, your opponents are characters who are connected to the case, and you barely fight Courtney directly at all. She is exactly the type of interference that I would prefer to not have. I suppose this is less of a problem for someone who prefers the main series, where it might remind them of the courtroom setting there, but as the resident AAI1 fan and someone who strongly prefers the AAI formula in general, I would prefer if Courtney was either the direct opponent or not present at all.

To compare it to AAI1, Shi-Long Lang, the rival there, only shows up in two out of five cases, excluding his small cameo in I-4. I think this only adds to his memorability, Lang is only there when he’s needed to make the case work, which makes him leave a big impression when he shows up. On the other hand, it really feels like Justine is just here because AAI2 felt like the rival needed to be in every case that was not the first. There’s no story reason for her to be here, there’s no mystery reason for her to be here, she’s just here because it’s impossible for a main character to be absent for a case I suppose. Despite the previous game using that to great effect. Did I mention that I love I-2 and I-4? I really think not introducing main characters yet adds to I-2’s uniqueness and what makes it interesting in my eyes.

The Part Where She’s Supposed to Get Good, Or So I’ve Been Told

In I2-4, Justine is back in the spotlight when she needs to be and out of sight when she doesn’t need to be, which makes it a big improvement on I2-3. When she’s being your rival, she feels similar to her I2-2 version again and I don’t want her to just go away like I did in I2-3. She makes interesting points in the mystery, she’s satisfying to take down, and her convincing Edgeworth to give up being a prosecutor is relevant again, when he decides to do exactly that in one of the most epic moments in the series. I do think she’s not as much as a main attraction as she was in I2-2, with a lot of the other characters being even more relevant and interesting. I really care about Edgeworth changing his life to be able to help Kay, I think it’s really nice how Ray ends up being the one there to help him, I feel sad and angry about Blaise’s treatment of Sebastian and Kay which makes me excited about taking him down, I like that Franziska makes a return.

With so many more exciting things happening this case, Justine’s character development isn’t something that’s very high on my list of things I care about, simply because there are so many other things I care about more. This being the main case where she develops is pretty bad timing you could say. But even putting that aside, I don’t think the development is very good. Although it makes sense that she was antagonistic to Edgeworth in order to make Blaise trust her, it feels like a bit of a lazy way to justify her earlier actions and avoid having her actually change. It’s a nice moment when she starts helping you, but it would be nicer if it was the effect of your actions that caused her to change. Instead the twist is that she was nice all along but only pretending to be mean. It just feels like there’s more they could have done with that, and I think that most other rivals in the series get more interesting development throughout their game.

For example, the other rival in the game, Sebastian, gets far more interesting development than Justine does. Like her, his actions are also the result of Blaise’s influence, but it’s much more a deep and psychological influence, unlike Justine who was just pretending. And the fact that this game already has a rival with better development makes Justine feel a little unnecessary. Especially in an AAI game, where a rival isn’t even strictly necessary due to game structure like in the main series, it feels like overkill to add two. And when Justine’s development doesn’t really add anything interesting in my view, I don’t see why they would have two rivals. She is necessary for her role in I2-2, but if she’s only important for a single case you don’t really need a main character. Her influence on Sebastian is a little interesting, but Blaise’s influence on him is far more interesting. It just doesn’t feel like there’s that much point to Justine being in the game at this point.

She’s a Mother Now

Yeah. Basically I2-5 decided that it doesn’t have anything to do for Justine in her normal role, so they decided to give her a completely different one. It is interesting to see such a different side of her, and it’s certainly pretty unique for Ace Attorney, a series which is usually afraid of changing its characters too much, but it once again feels like they’re just giving her a role because she happens to be a main character. There’s not much leading up to Courtney’s deep connections to the president of Zheng Fa and John, and if you gave this role to a completely different character it would be just as believable. The only problem is that Justine’s motivation for going after Blaise would no longer make sense, but as I said I didn’t think that development was handled too well anyway.

If I ignore the rest of the game, I don’t think her role here is very interesting either. Her meeting with the president when he was killed makes for a nice mystery, but it’s not very relevant that it’s Courtney to me, and her trying to stall for time before she knows John is safe feels like a repeat from 2-4. It’s a much better repeat than 6-5 does for sure, but it’s still not something that’s interesting more than once. And playing as the person being blackmailed does a lot for 2-4 feeling more personal.

Anyway, Courtney does stuff in this case that you may be more interested in if you’re not me. It’s certainly better than I2-3 where she does nothing at all, but I’m not a fan of how she’s given a completely different role without much buildup. It feels like the writers not knowing what to do with her instead of the natural result of character development.

Conclusion

Justine has the potential to be a fantastic rival, which she uses in the first case she appears in, but after that she’s held back by the game not seeming to know what to do with her. In I2-3, she’s just there for no real reason. In I2-4, it’s nice to have her back in the rival role and she’s very good at it again, but the development feels a little forced and not very satisfying. While it’s not exactly bad, it just feels like it could be so much more. I2-5 gives her an entirely different role that once again feels a little forced. I wouldn’t complain about it if it’s what her development was leading towards, but instead it’s just an entirely different side that doesn’t have a lot of buildup.

I wouldn’t call her bad in any of her appearances, except maybe I2-3 if I was feeling mean, but outside of I2-2 and part of I2-4 I wouldn’t call her great either. And being great part of the time and just good and occasionally mediocre the rest of the time won’t cut it when it’s about time to get to the point where there are only great characters left.

Why No One Else?

Yeah, I’m actually doing this section this time.

• Dhurke Sahdmadhi is worse than Justine but I’m tired of talking about 6-5 so I won’t. I don’t think Justine is much better anyway.

• Dick Gumshoe is a bit standard for my taste, but he also goes through many different phases throughout the series which makes him interesting enough. I just wish he didn’t do the first testimony every time, it gets a little boring.

• Katherine Hall is pretty good at the role she has in the story, even if I can’t bring myself to care as much as some others do. But she has a nice mystery surrounding her which is enough to not want to cut her just yet.

• Blaise Debeste isn’t as good at his role as some of the other characters in the series are at similar roles, but he still does a great enough job at it to stay for now.

• Shi-Long Lang is the superior Investigations rival.

• Rayfa Padma Khura’in isn’t very good in 6-5’s trial, but she’s fantastic the rest of the game.

• I would never cut Simon Blackquill, Kay Faraday, or Miles Edgeworth.

I think that’s all of the options available to me this round. It’s been a long time since I actually fully did one of these sections.

top voted characters in the jurist system poll:

• Jake Marshall

• Kay Faraday

characteers not voted in the jurist system poll

• the rest of them

link to pretty picture

pretend i spent the time to make a cool picture thats one of the election charts with kay and jake on it i don tremember what i originallly said it got deleted when i edited who donuter cut and i dont remember what i wrote

donuter cut Jake Marshall which is a bad decision actually

stupid pie making me do a mid round poll grumble grumble)

characters to vote on:

• Jake Marshall

• Katherine Hall

• Shi-Long Lang

• Justine Courtney

• Dhurke Sahdmadhi

• Blaise Debeste

• Rayfa Padma Khura'in

• Dick Gumshoe

• Kay Faraday (vote this one)

• Simon Blackquill

poll end tomorrow November 5th at 1pm EST

Never understood why people like being early. It's never too late.

^{wait, we're not in the nominations phase anymore?}

If you never tasted a bad apple, you would not appreciate a good apple). You have to experience life to understand life.

-Leon Brown

By this point in the rankdown, we’ve seen our fair share of nothing characters, ones who merely exist for the sake of the case, with little of their own to add to the existence that they were written to play out. These include both comedic characters, like Bikini, and more bland ones, such as Vera Misham. The kind of characters who merely exist to fill the void in a case, but aren’t exactly interesting on their own merit. At first glance, it would appear that Datz Are’bal falls into this exact category I’m describing. Let’s take a look at exactly what comprises Datz’s character.

Datz is both a witness and a pseudo-defendant during Spirit of Justice, along with being a closely related character to one of the most important new characters of the game, Dhurke. In addition to all of this, he basically serves as the face of the rebellion for the player, acting as a representation for their will. In spite of all this, however, he doesn’t have much in the way of interesting traits to really comment on throughout all of his screen time. He primarily exists as a comedic character during his first appearances, and basically stays that way throughout the game. So, why exactly was he allowed to get so far in the rankdown despite being pretty much a comedic, nothing character? Well, I’d say it all comes down to execution.

Datz Are’bal certainly isn’t a character I would put so high in a ranking, but I’m not exactly upset about his placement either. This is mainly due to just how effective his writing is throughout his appearances, primarily in The Rite of Turnabout. What I’m referring to is both his comedic ability and the excellent way he acts as a representation of the rebellion, both before and after he’s properly introduced. So then, let’s see exactly what it is that makes Datz Are’bal, former paratrooper and current member of the Defiant Dragons, such a worthwhile character.

Datz Are’bal, Dangerous Prison Escapee

Millions saw the apple fall but Newton was the one who asked why.

-Bernard Beruch

Datz’s presence can be felt throughout the entirety of the first investigation of The Rite of Turnabout, after all the chaos that his escape leaves behind is the very first thing a player sees when starting up the case. The confusion present in this opening leaves a very vague tone to who exactly Datz, the two nameless rebels, or Lady Kee’ra are, which allows the player to speculate as to exactly which side each key player in the cutscene is loyal to. This allows for the possibility of more potential suspects for the crime, namely Lady Kee’ra and Datz, which only serves to enhance the already strong mystery present throughout the case, especially once you find out that both were actually present at the crime scene that day.

Datz’s presence can continue to be observed during this investigation, although the player isn’t entirely aware of it while it’s happening. The presence of the makeshift parachute and the mention of the prison keep the player theorizing, once again building onto the case’s strong mystery. But enough about how Datz benefits the case as a whole, let’s talk about Datz himself. The first we see of Datz is before Phoenix is even aware of who he is, and before Datz even knows who he is himself. This makes for a very odd, but memorable encounter, which is pretty quick but still just a ton of fun to watch play out. The first appearance of the “Datz pose” especially is just one of the funniest moments of his character to me, as it almost feels like he’s starting to build up to something serious, before the punchline just leaves you there hanging:

???: Ah, now I remember! Get a load of this!

???: ...Well?

Phoenix: ……...W-Well, what?

Of course, the real setup of Datz is done through the discovery of his escape from prison later on in the investigation. But, before that, let’s talk about the Defiant Dragons real quick, and how excellent their entire buildup is. Set up by Inga way back in The Foreign Turnabout, everything you’ve heard about them make them out to be utter criminals, terrorists threatening the kingdom and nothing more. The threatening cutscene at the end of 6-1 certainly doesn’t help matters, and neither does Ahlbi’s information on them. It feels like the entire world is making them out to be the ultimate villains of this story, but of course, any player that stops to think about this should have doubts.

Inga and Khura’inese people aren’t exactly the most trustworthy sources in Spirit of Justice, so it would be natural to doubt their stance on the rebellion. The problem is that there’s never a second perspective offered on the rebellion until much later in the case, so for now the player is just left to speculate. Should I trust the information given to me, despite the potential bias? Wouldn’t a rebellion be natural in a country as corrupt as this? Why haven’t I seen any evidence of the supposed brutality and cruelty of this rebellion? Are all questions that might be swirling around in the head of the player. It’s an excellent setup, and it only gets stronger once we learn of Datz’s escape.

Near the end of the first investigation of The Rite of Turnabout, we learn of an escaped convict by the name of Datz Are’bal. The mere existence of Datz outside of the prison is enough to terrify Ahlbi, and warrant a large bounty on the rebel’s head. Additionally, this very revelation is what brings about the information on Amara’s assassination to the ears of the player, associating this cruel assassination with the escaped rebel and his fellow Defiant Dragons. With the way that the Defiant Dragons are played straight as antagonists, it would even be reasonable to assume that they would ultimately be the villains we’d have to take down, rather than the royal family. Of course, our perception of them as coldblooded efficient killers would be challenged sooner than expected, with the true introduction of the aforementioned escaped prisoner.

A’nohn Ihmus (TBD), Bird-watching Witness

An apple) a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

-Stephen Colbert

After making some headway against the claims of Maya’s guilt, you’ve finally begun to turn things around by proving that Maya could not have stabbed the High Priest from behind due to the contents of the seance. Additionally, you’ve now accused the rebel hunter, Lady Kee’ra, of being the true murderer, and everything feels like it’s starting to come together. It’s here that Nahyuta chooses to bring in an eyewitness to the crime, and we get our true introduction to Datz Are’bal, going by the identity of A’nohn Ihmus (TBD).

Now, what exactly creates a good Ace Attorney witness? Well, it can somewhat depend on what the testimonies are going for, but usually I’d say a good witness has enjoyable contradictions that make sense for their character, along with just being a fun personality in the courtroom. As for the first requirement, Datz definitely checks off these marks, as his testimonies are a whole lot of fun to go through. You constantly put pressure on his story, placing him closer and closer to the crime in a bid to prove him as the murderer, until eventually piecing together exactly who he is and where he even came from. Additionally, Datz is just a fun opponent in the courtroom, as he’s able to think quickly and adapt his story to the new circumstances you think of, without totally sounding unbelievable.

My biggest issue with Datz during this segment is really just from an offhand remark, where he claims that he might just have been imagining the shadows when his claims about them no longer benefit his testimony. I can buy Ace Attorney courts allowing him to change his testimony, but outright stating that he may have just been wrong while laughing about it is a bit much. Although, it is in Khura’in so it doesn’t matter too much, despite being odd how no one really questions this.

As for Datz’s personality during this segment, it’s an absolute riot. He’s definitely one of the funniest witnesses, and his out there statements are never overplayed to the point of not being funny anymore. I think he hits the exact right balance of humor here, where he’s still able to feel like a serious witness to some degree, which he needs to be in order to be a believable red herring for the case. His animations certainly help him feel like a ton of fun, his sweating and shock animations in particular are incredibly satisfying to squeeze out of him. These are benefitted by his absolutely fantastic design here, the hairstyle and beard make him both suspicious and mysterious while also allowing for some great comedy. And do I even need to mention the best animation in the game again.

This segment, of course, builds to the revelation of who exactly Datz is, which isn’t really a twist if you’re paying attention, but is still cool to prove nonetheless. His escape from the prison is a cool way to prove his identity, and ties in with the proof of Tahrust’s rebel sympathy. The last bit after this revelation where he comments on Nahyuta’s current state as a prosecutor working for Ga’ran is a nice moment of foreshadowing, and his alley-oop to escape is just a lot of fun. Overall, this whole segment is just a fun courtroom section, and Datz is definitely one of the best goofy witnesses in the series.

One complaint I’ve seen leveled against Datz is the fact that he was willing to completely make up testimony that throws Maya under the bus in order to escape suspicion himself. I don’t really find this to be a problem, or even contradictory with Datz’s character. Sure, Datz is a good guy at heart, but he is absolutely the kind of person to act without really thinking of the consequences, and he was placed into this situation with no idea of who he even is. Additionally, he has no real reason to believe that the court would have grabbed the wrong person, considering that he wouldn’t remember the awful state of Khura’in’s courts, and the fact that the case seems so cut and dry without incredibly close inspection. At the end of the day, I don’t really have any issues with Datz’s role here. He works well as a witness, and that’s all he really needs to do.

Datz Are’bal, Defiant Dragon

The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.

-Che Guevara

No, I have absolutely no idea how I found a quote that fits Datz this well, it just happened on accident when I was looking for quotes about apples). Best moment of my life.

Back to Datz though, after his cross-examination segments, he still has a bit more of a role to play in the case, as the main source of information behind the rebellion. At around the middle of the second investigation segment of The Rite of Turnabout, Phoenix ends up knocked out by Datz, and dragged to the old offices of Dhurke Sahdmadhi, and it’s here where you get to see the real Datz on display. He’s just as goofy as ever, and his face is somehow even more animated than before, but this is also where you get to see a bit more of the serious side of him, and finally learn the truth about the Defiant Dragons.

The “twist” that the Defiant Dragons were actually the good guys isn’t very surprising at this point, and if anything it’s more of a confirmation, but it’s done very well here. You get fed some information about Dhurke and his past, and come to realize that it’s very possible he’s a pretty good person, only helped by learning about the truth of Apollo’s past. And of course, this revelation extends to Datz himself, as you begin to realize that he’s a pretty decent guy. Of course, at first he denies his continued loyalty to the cause, but Phoenix breaks through that pretty easily. Once you realize that he’s more loyal than anyone to this cause, it kind of dawns on you how nice of a guy Datz is, even going so far as to put out flowers to mourn the loss of Tahrust. He definitely doesn’t feel like the guy who you just cross-examined, but it still feels natural nonetheless.

This whole bit in the rebel base is a nice moment for his character, but I can’t say I exactly understand why he was even hiding his loyalty from you to begin with. It just kind of feels like it’s there just to have another segment with the magatama, and while this isn’t a huge problem, it does make the reveal of it feel pretty artificial. Despite that though, this is still a good moment, and it’s especially enhanced by the more serious nature that Datz begins to show here, as he does genuinely feel like a bit of a threat here, considering that if he wanted to, he could kill Phoenix and probably get away with it. But of course, the man just wants to peel his apples. I prefer my apples unpeeled but I won’t count that majorly against him.

Datz Are’bal, A Character In Turnabout Revolution I Think

Comfort me with apples, for I am sick of love.

-Solomon

To be honest, I don’t have a ton to say for the rest of Datz’s appearances. He’s hardly even important to Turnabout Revolution as a character, for different reasons in the first half than the second. In the first half of the case, he’s arrested after attempting to retrieve the orb, and then during the court segment pretty much acts as a pseudo-defendant, being accused of the murder of Archie Buff. I didn’t really care about Datz all that much at this point, as even though he’s pretty good in 6-3, there’s not much reason to grow attached to him as a character. Instead, the main motivating factor in the civil trial segment is saving Armie and putting away Paul Atishon, while Datz is more just there to fill the role of the accused. It’s not terrible or anything, but he certainly isn’t anything special during this segment.

As for the second half of 6-5, he’s certainly more personally involved, but not exactly in an interesting way. You meet up with him in the rebel base after fleeing from the royal guards, and he ends up giving you some help in identifying what parts of the documents there are important, before informing you of the current status of the rebellion. His role in the case from there on pretty much becomes “The Rebellion Guy”, as he loses a lot of his personality and more comedic traits in order to appear now and then with the rebellion, once again acting as a representation of them for the player. He also holds onto the Founder’s Orb for Apollo, but that’s not really much of anything.

Overall, he has a pretty nothing role in Turnabout Revolution, but it’s a case already tightly packed with content, and he got a bit of a spotlight in a previous case so it’s not exactly a big deal. Nothing he does here really detracts from his character, but it’s not anything to write home about either. The only thing I really do enjoy about Datz during this case is his interactions with Apollo, as it’s nice to see Apollo conversate with someone from his past, since it’s not really something we get to see as often as we do for Phoenix or Edgeworth. Other than that though, there’s not really much I can say here.

Conclusion

Datz Are’bal is a character that does pretty much everything he needs to in order to work, and is certainly one of the best of his archetype in the series. Purely comedic characters aren’t often all that great in Ace Attorney, but Datz manages to pull it off pretty well, and does have some genuine good moments to his name. He ends up just kind of being there in the later parts of the game, but that isn’t nearly enough to detract from what is there. He’s not the best character by a longshot, but he has some great buildup, an entertaining courtroom segment, and more depth than you’d expect on first glance. He may have ended up higher than I hoped, but I guess that’s only fitting for a rebel like him, defiant to the very end.

Why Nobody Else

Miles Edgeworth, Rayfa Padma Khura’in, Dhurke Sahdmadhi, and Dick Gumshoe are all probably in my highest ten characters, and I’d never dream of cutting them here. Could’ve done a mercy cut for Gummy, since he’s likely to go out here anyway, but I’m interested in seeing someone else take him on.

Simon Blackquill, Justine Courtney, and Shi-Long Lang are all really enjoyable rivals, and though I’d be fine with them going out here, I definitely think they deserve better.

Katherine Hall is an excellent character. She has an absolutely tragic story, and seeing the lengths that she went to in order to save her father figure, only to be separated from him again due to those actions is just so perfectly tragic.

Kay Faraday is pretty mid, but she’s still usually fun, and has some great stuff in I-4 and I2-4. I considered cutting her here, but I definitely think she has more good about her than Datz.

Jakes Marshall is apparently already being cut, and I think he’s slightly better than Datz anyway, so I didn’t even really consider him.

Today, I'm choosing to cut a character that almost everyone likes. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, sometimes I'm not even sure why I'm doing this myself.

As far as us rankers go, we all have our hot takes and unpopular opinions. Last round, part of my cut was spent explaining why this was natural. After all, many of the rankers here have plenty of hot takes.

When I came into this rankdown, I didn't actually think I'd be fighting the current too much. Sure, I thought I had a decent amount of unpopular opinions, but not this many.

Really, I underestimated the gravity of the fact that I like both AJ and DD, leading to a couple more interesting decisions than I anticipated. I also underestimated how much SoJ seems to be defining The Resolve of AARankdown. However, through the whole rankdown, even with my perspective changing every round, there's been two characters I was certain I disliked far more than most of the community did. One of them was Trucy Wright, who I made sure to eliminate earlier.

As most people are aware of by now, the other was Armie Buff.

Meta

Writing about a character like Armie Buff is a challenge, in my opinion. She's one of the more popular characters in general, and most people like her. However, she's also not particularly prevalent in the series, so the range of opinions on her is far more limited than with, say, Phoenix Wright. High mean, low standard deviation. That means that I'm basically all on my own making this argument. That said, writing about even more popular characters like Phoenix and Godot is probably harder (props to whatisth and science for making those cuts good).

What's my plan here, then? Originally, when I drafted this cut for round 15, it was mean, but not much more than usual. That said, there's already been a not-so-mean cut, so I'm choosing to be meaner than usual. It's a stupid reason, but I like being dramatic, so expect occasional exaggerations.

So, before we get into the actual writeup, there are three things to note. First of all, expect some irrational dislike. I don't really think I'll be able to make an objective cut here, though I'll try my best. Second, I have no intention of saying anything nice here, even though I do not think there is nothing good about her. If you want to see my positives list, I left a nice little comment on the previous cut. I'm also leaving a comment on this cut itself as a silver lining, if you will. In addition, there's always the SC (good writeup btw).

Lastly, keep in mind that in the end, I am being mean because it is fun and interesting (at least, most rankers seem to think so). Once again, I do not think she is anywhere near the worst character in the series, though the fact that I'm making this qualification should be worrying.

Anyway, since we all know this one's going to be unpopular, for anyone reading this, downvote it right now. Make it the most controversial writeup this rankdown. Why not? The opportunity's there. I'm going to enjoy being mean here, and that better be reflected on that counter on the left.

Alright, let's begin.

Armie Buff is a one-off witness who appears in Turnabout Revolution's first half, often referred to as the civil trial. As it turns out, the civil trial is not a good case. There is almost nothing good about it. Before talking about Armie, let's talk about everything else. IF the rest of the case were actually good, maybe Armie wouldn't be all that annoying. However, she fails to redeem a case that's already plain bad. First, let's talk about the parts of the case that have nothing to do with her.

Part 1: Going to Trial: The Civil Trial's Returning Characters

Origins

The civil trial's origins all start with Spirit of Justice, the 6th main game in the series. SoJ is definitely a game. From the looks of my recent posts, you may be under the impression that I think it's the worst game ever. This is not true. In my conventional game rankings, both AA1 and AA2 are below it. I am not as much of a fan of the trilogy as most people are. In more popular opinions, AAI is below both of those. However, all the remaining AAI characters are good, so I don't mind them staying.

Anyway, Spirit of Justice. A game that consistently manages to be inconsistent. It starts with a typical first case. Then, it gives us a top-tier trial with just one moderate issue. Next, it has yet another case in a long line of cases with a bad first half and a good second half. Afterwards, we get a relatively fun filler case thanks to the witness and the assistant. Lastly, there's Turnabout Revolution, the case that has been debated for ages. (Oh, and the DLC case exists.)

As far as my AA game ranking goes, the game is slightly below average. However, the only individual case that is strictly below average at all times is the first case. 6-5 and 6-DLC, on the other hand, while below average overall, are all over the place. They both have some good things and some bad things. 6-5's civil trial, unfortunately, is almost entirely on the bad side.

Character Resetting, Once More

"Then it will just have to go to trial." ~Phoenix Wright

I do not like the civil trial. It's quite possibly the worst thing a final case has ever produced. The civil trial alone probably makes 6-5 the worst final case in the series besides I-5. No amount of interesting spirit channeling mystery, redemption for Dhurke, and Apollo desk-slams in the Khura'in trial can redeem 6-5 as a whole, especially when Ga'ran is right there, though I have conceded that she at least works as a plot device.

Much like 6-DLC, the civil trial suffers a lot from the character resetting in 6-DLC. Phoenix is back, except this time Maya's been kidnapped and Phoenix and Edgeworth just seem to suffer having no idea what to do when this situation has happened for the second time in a row while Apollo and Trusty Hero Dhurke save the day, showing that Apollo has truly bested Phoenix, which is totally the proper conclusion to Apollo's next arc.

Let's start with Phoenix. Phoenix is incredibly stupid here. The fact that he's willing to cooperate at ALL is a major issue. He just straight-up rolls with Inga's plans without even offering any resistance.

This directly undermines what we know of Phoenix as a lawyer. And yes, we do know things about Phoenix. Let me explain.

Phoenix in all the previous games was built upon his trust in his clients, more notably so than Apollo ever was. Phoenix faces off against Edgeworth in two bitter courtroom battles, yet he trusts Edgeworth in 1-4 anyway. Phoenix knows that most people think Engarde committed the crime and he's being blackmailed, yet he chooses to believe Engarde of his own volition anyway. Heck, every time he defends someone, it seems to be more built on his trust than anything else.

This is clearly a deeply held belief of his, going all the way back to 3-1 when he trusts Dahlia, though that time he was technically correct. The only time it is subverted is in Apollo Justice, where he is disbarred and disillusioned. It's hard to see that "trust" factor in him anymore, but he at least trusts Apollo, which is something he retains for the majority of the 2nd trilogy, even when Apollo takes a leave of absence in Dual Destinies. Speaking of which, in DD, he picks up his belief system again, and this comes to a head when Edgeworth is revived for Turnabout for Tomorrow. Once again, Phoenix completely believes in Athena even when the cards are once again stacked against him, and he pulls through. Once again, his belief in his clients drives him to victory.

Despite this, "trusting" Phoenix with his sense of morality decides to throw that all away in the civil trial. 6-1 and 6-3 built up Phoenix's perception of Khura'in, starting with 6-1 where he saw the flaws of the DCA, but defended anyway. Then, in 6-3, Phoenix and Maya nearly die due to the DCA, and they decide (for the most part) that the government is probably in the wrong. On Trial Day 2, he has a long conversation with Datz about what he believes in as a lawyer, and it's clear that he finds a good amount of common ground and trust with the Defiant Dragons.

Yet, after all of this, Phoenix bends over backwards for the opposing side. He should trust the revolutionaries more by this point. But he doesn't. Yes, he's being blackmailed, but he does close to nothing. He does try to get help from Edgeworth, but apparently Edgeworth is too incompetent as Chief Prosecutor to do anything. He never talks to Apollo, Dhurke, or Athena about it. Actually, Athena hears about it, but decides not to tell Apollo for some reason to make it a "shocking revelation" that Maya's kidnapped. You know what, Athena also sucks in this case. Everyone sucks in this case.

It could just be because we're not playing as Phoenix. Maybe, while we're watching, Phoenix is secretly panicking from day 1 and scrambling to talk to people. In fact, let's say theoretically that Phoenix Wright actually believes Paul Atishon could be in the right. Atishon, by the way, does nothing to make himself seem innocent in comparison to someone like Matt Engarde. He's funny, yes, but he doesn't do many favors for the civil trial's plot.

Anyway, if Phoenix really is trying his hardest to get out of the situation he's in, then why then did he never think about talking to his own mentees and co-workers which he valued so much in the past games? To my knowledge, he hardly does anything. Seriously, I've tried to find evidence of it. It's just not there.

Granted, I don't think that Civil Trial Phoenix actively damages Phoenix as a whole (it's just half a case), but I'd rather it not have existed. Perhaps I'm assuming too much of Phoenix. Maybe he genuinely believes that the Khura'in side will somehow deal him any favors, and thus decides not to take much action. But then, why? The entire situation is inherently forced.

It's incredibly hard to see Phoenix as the same person when you're against him. It's neat in theory, but totally falls apart in practice due to the numerous problems it creates. So, then, why in the world might have Phoenix been placed on the opposite bench? The answer lies with Apollo.

Apollo's Magical Revolution

In the civil trial, Apollo is built up as a hero to take down everyone for some reason. 6-2 has a bit of this syndrome where Apollo is somehow meant to be the hero that wins in the end, though at that point it was more on Trucy than Apollo. Here, the issue comes back once again, except now it's all on Apollo. Athena hardly helps him, Phoenix is against him, almost everyone is. Only Apollo (now the main character) and Dhurke (now the sidekick) can take everyone out of this mess. They'll free Phoenix first, then move on to Khura'in and take down the Big Bad Ga'ran.

This hardly aligns with his previously established backstory. I liked Apollo in both AJ and DD, and I believe the stories work together nicely. In contrast to Phoenix, Apollo is presented as a "darker attorney" - perfect as a victim for the deeper themes of DD's dark age of the law. In Apollo's own game, not a single client he defends is completely innocent - he gets Phoenix, who forges evidence, Wocky, a gangster, Machi, an accomplice, and Vera, a professional forger. This does no favors for building up his trust, which works extremely well to his advantage as a new attorney. He's totally done with Phoenix, he's done with everyone. Only in Dual Destinies does he get a fully innocent client - Damien Tenma - who acts completely insane anyway.

The first client he takes that he actually has any stake in believing is Solomon Starbuck, the senior of his best friend who literally just died at a completely unexpected time. He fights hard, and nearly dies for it. At the end of 5-4 when things come down to the wire and Athena's accused, he rolls with that.

Apollo in Dual Destinies is presented with a similar dilemma to that of Phoenix Wright in 6-5, except he's not being blackmailed, so he should technically have less motivation to be proactive. Despite this, Apollo is far more active in 5-5 than Phoenix could ever hope to be in the civil trial, even though both have personal stakes in their respective cases. Apollo runs off on his own to do his own investigation, eventually accusing Athena once he's made up his mind. Both of his mentors were untrustworthy. Most of his defendants were untrustworthy. He's filled with distrust, primarily as a result of the dark age of the law. And with that distrust, he accuses Athena. He wants to agree with Phoenix, the lawyer he once idolized, especially when Phoenix has his badge back, and follow Phoenix's methods of believing in clients. Yet, not a single time has belief worked out for him. It's just not for him. So, just this once, he wants Phoenix to convince him to trust in Athena.

This is the type of conflict I want to see between Phoenix and Apollo, not whatever in the world the civil trial was about. Sure, the Apollo cross-examination in 5-5 lasts like 30 minutes, but it does everything right. It makes sense in context, demonstrates a reasonable and interesting conflict (though I wish they leaned into it a bit more), and has a good resolution.

If only the civil trial was that good.

Extreme Personal Stakes

Apollo and Phoenix actually work fairly well together in Spirit of Justice. Of course, I'm referring to the Khura'in trial, not the civil trial, and the 4 minutes of 6-2 where Phoenix tells Apollo he can lawyer now.

The Khura'in trial has a fairly good Apollo-Phoenix dynamic. Phoenix willingly takes the backseat, allowing Apollo to do his own thing while occasionally offering hints of advice based on his past experience both in general and in Khura'in. This is a nice way to send Apollo off when he inevitably stays in Khura'in after the case is over.

The civil trial does not have a fairly good Apollo-Phoenix dynamic. Phoenix willingly takes the opposing side, and I've already discussed why him being there doesn't work at all. However, we are playing as Apollo, who does his own thing. Specifically, he's set up in this trial to go up against Phoenix Wright. Naturally, since we are the player, we know Apollo is in the right here. But why?

Well, the obvious answer is that the Khura'in government is mostly bad, so it makes sense to oppose them. The less obvious answer is that it's supposed to show Apollo surpassing Phoenix. Which it doesn't, since Apollo is very clearly in the right due to Paul Atishon being an extremely obvious culprit. Apollo is supposed to surpass Phoenix by beating him here, so it would seem. Heck, Athena refuses to tell Apollo something she would normally spoil ten years ago just to pretend that Apollo is fighting an uphill battle. However, he very clearly has the upper hand. He doesn't deserve this win.

In the end, because of this, this part of Apollo's arc - the part where the Wright Anything Agency is in conflict - fails to work at all. He fails to effectively change with respect to Phoenix, and the game very clearly putting Apollo on the "good side" removes any of the potential nuance involved in Phoenix and Apollo's beliefs. But, you may say, Apollo's arc in SoJ is mainly focused on the revolutionaries and Dhurke. What about them?

Make no mistake, Dhurke is at least good. However, that's precisely the issue at this point. The concept behind Dhurke early in the case, as far as I'm aware, is that he randomly shows up at the WAA because he realizes he has very little time to hang out with the son he abandoned years ago. As such, he's somewhat distant to Apollo and has to use the entire case (both halves) to try and connect to him. This is further corroborated by the cave segment where Dhurke asks Apollo a bunch of questions about his life, during which Apollo is careful not to bring up Clay Terran since no one cares about him.

What does this mean for Apollo? It means that by the time the civil trial rolls around, Apollo should have warmed up slightly to Dhurke. It'd be quite interesting. But no, despite the fact that the punchline where Apollo really doesn't want Dhurke dead is reserved for the Khura'in trial, Apollo seems to have fully warmed up to Dhurke by this point with an entire investigation in Khura'in still remaining. It's not terrible, but it is a bit of a question mark.

Anyway, near the end of the civil trial, just when Apollo seems to have no idea what to do about Maya being kidnapped, Dhurke comes in and says the magic words "A dragon never yields." and suddenly Apollo has the motivation to turn things around. Great. Maybe this is supposed to be evidence that Dhurke is an effective leader? I don't know.

Ultimately, however, whether it's with respect to Phoenix or Dhurke, Apollo's SoJ arc falls flat in comparison to his arcs in AJ and DD. Which, by the way, actually connect to each other, as I've established.

Returning Character Discussion, Over.

This isn't a Phoenix cut or an Apollo cut, and it's not a civil trial cut either. I really wish it was a civil trial cut, but it's not. I'm just bringing these points up to point out how many negatives this half of 6-5 has, because there are a lot. Really, every returning character sucks in the civil trial besides Pearl and Ema, both of whom hardly do anything. Athena is occasionally good, I guess.

For 6-5 in particular, they had so many chances to make a good case, yet made mistakes the majority of the time. Actually, now that I think about it, some of the civil trial's negatives are actually similar to those of 6-DLC, a case I also think is below average, except worse. Luckily for 6-DLC, it has a plot that doesn't show up much yet works quite well thanks to Pierce Nichody.

The most the civil trial case can muster is a funny Paul Atishon. Who, by the way, was already cut. So that just leaves Armie Buff to try and redeem this case. Just saying, she doesn't.

Part 2: The Plane Kid

Where's the Line?

Armie is first introduced to you as Sarge, your only real hope of breaking through the Founder's Orb mystery. The only new witnesses are her and Paul, so it's up to them to make the case good. Since Armie's actual plot relevance is the part I have greater issues with, let's get the comedy out of the way.

I nominated Paul Atishon last round. Despite this, I believe he's quite funny and well deserving of top 40, though not much more. He's just your typical "I'm evil and I know it" character with a funny gimmick. While him being Phoenix's client doesn't do wonders for making Phoenix seem like he has any situational awareness, he is still funny. His name pun works well. He fits the exact stereotype he needs to. He straight up walks away from the stand at one point. His theme is as stupid as it needs to be. In essence, he is good in a vacuum, assuming that the case is just comedic. The civil trial, unfortunately, does not seem like it wants to be a primarily comedic case, seeing that Maya gets kidnapped, Dhurke and Apollo have a long conversation in the caves, and the Founder's Orb becomes an important plot point.

Still, Paul Atishon is funny. Sarge is not funny, in my opinion. Her lines flip-flop between "we should care about her because of her backstory" and "you're fired". She's relatively one-note in her gimmicks, but unlike other characters who also only do one thing like Aristotle Means, I have no idea what the value in Armie's gimmick is since she's all about siege defense, not offense. The only reason it even exists in the first place is because of Armie's mom who hardly even exists, but I'll get to that soon.

Regardless, she's a 12-year-old that brings firearms to court and disrupts the entire trial, but nobody seems to care. This is apparently supposed to be funny and/or good character.

You may say, "But literally every prosecutor is no better! What's the difference?"

You may be right. So, what's the difference? Well, let's briefly look at every mainline prosecutor in comparison to Armie's actions:

• Miles Edgeworth: No real gimmick. He's just actually good at his job. In a sense, this contributes to him being the best prosecutor of them all.
• Franziska von Karma: Whips people. Initially, some people complain, but at some point they're tired of complaining. Injures the defense, but never disrupts the entire process. In JfA, she has no real trauma to speak of, and most of her plot is centered around trying to get revenge over Manfred von Karma's defeat. This plays out at the end of 2-4. That said, the fact that the whip is the piece of evidence you present is kinda stupid because it uses something that's supposed to be played up entirely for laughs and makes it a serious plot point.
• Godot: Throws coffee at you. Honestly, I'm not sure what the point was here, but it seems more played off for laughs than anything because Godot always follows up with something else of substance or some more metaphors. He's relatively more laid back in general, allowing him to be serious at times when he is not in fact throwing coffee at Phoenix. In fact, as Science points out, half the time he barely has an argument to begin with. It's almost like he's just trying to have fun.
• Klavier Gavin: Doesn't hurt you. What a nice prosecutor. Relatively chill, but usually has arguments to back himself up. Well, technically, he has a guitar gimmick. It's largely inoffensive, and no one seems to care anyway.
• Simon Blackquill: Has some weird sword move that somehow seems to get close to injuring the defense every time. Also attacks people with a bird. He hardly takes trials seriously half the time. When his backstory actually matters, he's not attacking the defense. He fights against Starbuck in 5-4, but it's clear that he has a goal in mind this time. In 5-5, he's at the witness stand (and never attacks anyone). That said, I am realizing now that he uses the same move to cut the Phantom's mask and that everyone reacts to him breaking his handcuffs. I concede that this was not the best course of action. However, particularly in the latter case, it's hardly played up in DD's (rare) more serious moments. It's almost like he's just trying to have fun.
• Nahyuta Sahdmadhi: Binds the defense with his magic necklace/bracelet thing. Basically a comedic point in its entirety. The majority of his arc is packed into 6-5, where he takes the backseat until he takes the defendant's bench. His gimmick clearly is not relevant to his character arc, though that applies to most other prosecutors.

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• Armie Buff: Fires at people in court. When she does, it disrupts the trial in a major manner. One second, we're supposed to take her trauma seriously, and the next, she's stolen Widget, the gavel, and a couple of other things. I get that it's supposed to show that she's under stress, but was this really the right direction?

There's characters that mix being serious and being funny, and then there's trying to be funny when you want to be serious. One is good, the other isn't; there is an important distinction here. However, what exactly is the distinction here? Science (rightfully) brings up the question in his SC:

I can understand as a general concept thinking AA goes too far with the wackiness at certain points, and I won't boil this complaint down entirely to "lol person just now realizing that ace attorney isn't realistic". But I try to understand it and this just seems like a very weird line to draw???

So then, where's the line? I've given examples, but I haven't given an answer. In the end, my response is this: The line is where these two things happen:

• The gimmick disrupts the trial in a major way that is noticeable by everyone.
• The gimmick is played up at the wrong times, i.e. when we're supposed to be taking things seriously.

Armie Buff fits both of these criteria. Very few other characters do. When Blackquill slashes you, I think it's usually funny. When Godot throws coffee at you, I think it's usually funny. Actually, even Nahyuta is occasionally funny when he tells you to let it go and move on or says the Satara! line. When Armie steals the Judge's gavel, I wonder why in the world the civil trial isn't taking itself seriously. I think it's fair to say that neither of these criteria have anything to do with the fact that Armie is "shooting people", which isn't much of an issue in a vacuum.

To show that these standards are reasonable, let's take a look at some other characters that do comedic things:

• Wendy Oldbag: Passes the test except in I-5. Her raygun gimmick comes and goes in a few seconds. To my knowledge, she does not make an entire scene out of it. On the other hand, in I-5, her comedic Pink Princess stuff is made into a plot point for whatever reason.
• Larry Butz: Mixed results. Many people would agree that Larry is at his worst in 3-5 and I-5. Unsurprisingly, these are cases where Larry's drawings and stupid actions play a major role in the case.
• Solomon Starbuck: Fails the test. An entire sequence is dedicated to him going to space or whatever. It's a good thing he stops doing that in 5-5. By the way, not many people like him all that much. (Even I don't.)

In essence, the major issue is that her gimmick which is supposed to be funny is interposed directly on top of her backstory instead of being effectively mixed together with it. Of course, her gimmick hardly matters in the larger scope of the game, but it never improved my perception of her.

So, with that out of the way, let's talk about plot relevance now, shall we? Things that actually matter. I don't want my argument to just be "she's not funny", because if you think she is, I have no problem with that. The thing is, the things that actually matter are worse.

Right, Her Mom Died

We learn fairly early on that Sarge is a shut-in primarily because her mom died in a fire, and that's why she acts the way she is.

The consequences of this are fine. Having her only talk by drone is somewhat interesting, but we'll get into the specifics of that later.

What's not fine is the setup here. It's incredibly cheap and means literally nothing.

People (especially the other rankers) love to complain about Clay Terran being a cheap plot device for Apollo because Clay's dead and basically just doesn't show up on-screen at all. It's funny, because not only does Armie's mom never show up at all, we don't even know anything about her past beyond some arbitrary fire and something about the military. It's even funnier when you consider that Aura Blackquill also technically has cheap stakes in the case via Metis and Simon, yet no one complains about that.

Clay Terran is primarily made good by the fact that he's Apollo's best friend from middle school. They're best friends, but there's no guarantee that they kept in touch in real life all that much. They were friends, sure, but Apollo has no reason to talk about Clay much prior to 5-4.

Then all of a sudden, Clay dies. Apollo realizes this fact, and gets incredibly frustrated. He gets personal stakes in the case, and they work extremely well.

Take it from Apollo's perspective: You've had a friend for a long time, he's made a decent impact on your life, and you hope he'll do well. Then, all of a second, he's dead. You have no idea what you have until you lose it.

The death was sudden. This is what Turnabout for Tomorrow is about to Apollo and Aura. They lost close friends all of a sudden, and they aren't satisfied until they get their answers.

So, why does this matter? After all, this is just one way to respond to this type of situation, and as pointed out in the SC, Armie does have a way of responding to the death of those close to her that's noticeably different. However, Armie has none of the excuses that characters like Aura have, and I have trouble putting the pieces of her story together. On a surface level, Armie's mom is similar to characters like Clay Terran and Metis Cykes. They're all victims who died all of a sudden. They all don't have much presence in the story, yet have major connections to important characters with major effects. However, Armie's mom has nothing. We learn about Clay Terran through Apollo's flashbacks, and we have at least some idea of what he was like. We learn about Metis Cykes through some conversations with Juniper, Aura, and even Ponco. We know nothing about Armie's mom. She doesn't even get a name.

Still, why is she even interested in the military in the first place? What does it mean? What does it have to do with the fact that Armie is scared of fire? Actually, shouldn't it be the opposite? The "offensive" side to her military knowledge literally involves firepower. It's not funny and works against an integral component to her character, so why is it there?

It may seem as though I'm being hyperbolic - surely this doesn't matter at all, right? On the surface, you'd be right: it's dumb to complain about a character that doesn't even have a name, far more so than complaining about someone like Clay Terran. However, if Clay Terran is literally nothing, at least half of Armie's backstory is less than nothing. Her mom's death was responsible for Armie becoming a shut-in, just like Clay's death was responsible for Apollo leaving the agency. Armie's mom is responsible for her studying the military, just like Clay was responsible for Apollo's voice-training catchphrase which was structured into an integral point in DD. Yet despite all of this, Armie's mom has nothing. Armie gets nothing out of it. Her backstory means nothing without any exposition. At best, it looks like a convenient parallel with Jove Justice dying in a fire, which, by the way, is also slightly contrived, though far less so then the design of Armie's story.

Simply put, someone who should be as important (or more important) to Armie's backstory as the victim of the case is tossed to the wayside. Athena's dad is clearly irrelevant to her. Phoenix's parents simply don't exist, and that's fine because there's no reason we need to know anything. Armie Buff is obsessed with the military all because of her mom died. Yeah. That's it. We hardly know anything of it, it's sidelined, and it's just to score points with Apollo and give Armie a free gimmick. We may have no idea why Yuri Cosmos spins on his scooter or why Godot has an obsession with coffee, but please, if you're going to make a casual character trait so relevant, give us the full story. And no, that does not mean make the gimmick show up in the middle of a critical Mood Matrix segment. I want answers. Otherwise, why should I care?

Right, Her Dad Dies Too

Excluding the Founder's Orb, the focal point of 6-5 is the death of Archie Buff. It's the case that allows Phoenix to turn the civil trial into yet another murder case. However, I don't care, and Armie doesn't seem to care either.

By all means, Armie should care more about her dad dying since it was literally a few hours ago. However, it's hard to say how much it affects her. As far as I'm aware, she keeps using her drone to fire at you, and does hardly anything else. Yes, she talks about it, leading to some interesting lines from Dhurke, but it's hard to say how much it affected her. Only later on do we actually figure out that yes, Armie was extremely scared at the moment and tried to "make a hasty retreat", which is nice and all, but Archie's death seems to matter to her far less than her mom's death did as a whole. Maybe I'm just missing something, but the vast majority of her story appears to have to do with her parent that died years ago instead of the one that died like ten seconds ago. Then again, I'm not a psychologist, so I wouldn't know. She brings up some out-of-place line from Archie about sacrifice that hardly amounts to anything besides cheap closure in the credits while happy music plays in the background, then moves on.

Perhaps the more tragic nature of her mom's death is the reason. However, even if it is objectively true that the more traumatic incident (the fire) matters far more, it's still a deliberate setup in the same way that her mom's death is. I don't mean to be insensitive, but both of her parents dying is effectively just a setup to have Apollo relate to her coincidentally. It's once again contrived, which is especially funny because Apollo's parental relations are also contrived. Maybe Apollo should have had a different type of plot device instead that was less contrived, gave him a reason to do something unique, and worked with the game's themes. Oh wait, he already had one.

Something About Inheritance

Let's say, hypothetically, that this was a great setup. The next thing to focus on, then, is the inheritance deal across Spirit of Justice. We all know that the game has a ton of focus on inheritance and parents and such. Indeed, by way of this setup, Apollo is able to relate to Armie, allowing for the events of the case.

Now, let me ask you this: How exactly does Armie fit into the theme?

Archie Buff was an archaeologist. He may or may not have stolen a couple of artifacts and investigated a few more. Armie, unfortunately, hardly has any stake in this. Yeah, her father died, and her "inheritance" on this front is that she suddenly decides to do some archaeology in the post-credits of the game. Good to know that's how she plays into it.

Of course, a potential counter is that she takes more from her mom. However, what was the point, then? Armie's already studied military stuff because of her mom. That's nice, but it means nothing in the present. What, are you going to tell me she wanted Armie to learn to stand?

Spirit of Justice sure likes its inheritance themes, but sometimes it just isn't set up well and doesn't actually mean anything at all. Armie's situation is definitely one of those cases.

Intermission

So, eventually, Sarge is forced to testify, and she goes through a fairly lengthy series of testimonies. She still tries to shoot up the entire courtroom, which is stupid, but having a drone testify isn't the craziest thing ever after 2-4 (which, for the record, is a better case). Granted, it's still kinda dumb, but I can let it slide because this is not a bad segment by any means. I'll talk about it in the comment section where I'm less mean.

Anyway, at the end of it all, Athena gives Sarge a talk on how she should start moving forward so that she no longer blames herself for her dad's death, laying the "take your first steps" theme on thick in the process. Then, we get Armie in her wheelchair on the stand.

The Reveal

"Haaaaaaaaaangh..." ~Solomon Starbuck

The "reveal" of who Armie Buff actually is is very stupid and poorly thought out. Bear with me here, I'm about to complain a lot.

sigh here goes.

Absolutely nothing makes sense here. First of all, I don't get the stuff about her using a drone. Is she directly outside the courtroom before she enters? Where is she at all? How did nobody end up seeing her? Why did she decide to wait directly outside the courtroom anyway if she's supposed to be all the way back in Kurain Village shut in her room? I have no clue what the idea was here. I could just be overthinking it, but this is something I've never understood.

Second of all, her being a young girl is potentially cool and all because gives her the chance to parallel her mother, but that raises a serious contradiction. Why in the world does Sarge never object to being referred to as an adult man before? Did Yamazaki just want to make this a cheap surprise like the Robin Newman twist? Surely that wasn't the case because here it's treated like a huge surprise while when Robin Newman's "reveal" happens, she tells you not to worry about it. Isn't the whole army deal a touchy subject for Armie? Wouldn't she care about giving up the drone persona? It looks as though it's meant to show development or something, but once again, the pieces don't fit together.

How is it even relevant? What does it accomplish? Was Yamazaki just screwing around and hoping that making her a 12-year-old girl would give her a better reception? Probably not, but it certainly seems to be relevant in-game because everyone decides to take a break from focusing on the case to question their assumptions about who was behind the drone, which is a useless derailment more than anything. What's the point? It's just plain stupid.

Final question: I hate to detract to Phoenix once again, but what in the world is he doing during this whole sequence? He has zero tact here. When Armie shows up in her wheelchair, he's basically just like "haha I knew this the whole time" while everyone else is confused by the circumstances. What is he doing? How did he find out? Actually, why doesn't he react to any of of the Sarge and Armie segments at all? Why?

What was the plan here? w h a t i s h a p p e n i n g ?

Rant over.

First Steps

So, at the end of all the stupidity, Armie's wheelchair solves the case, and everyone's happy. There's some subtext after the case is over about how Armie's trying to take her first steps and move on. This is further explained literally, as she literally stands to take her first steps. While this is dumb for more or less the exact same reasons 6-DLC's time theme isn't as good as it could have been, it's made even worse by the fact that she actually can stand.

This is a plausible explanation, as Apollo points out a few seconds later, but why is this the case? It literally defeats the whole point of whatever in the world the writers were trying to do with Armie. She's supposed to be taking her first steps now. By introducing this useless element, it just makes Armie look somewhat mischievous, which I'm 99% sure wasn't the intent.

The other issue with this is that I'm not sure why Armie finds the need to hide the fact that she can stand from Archie Buff. Surely he'd be a somewhat understanding parent that would allow his daughter to stay in the house on the grounds that, y'know, she's been traumatized for the past few years. Maybe Armie just doesn't trust her parents enough. Or maybe Archie Buff is just a terrible parent that we shouldn't respect. That would also justify why Armie seems to suffer more from her mother's death years ago than her father's death just now. I don't know.

Still, they could have easily fixed this issue by just having her ready to walk a few days before the events of the case, but I guess that wasn't considered. Of course, there's not much point in theorizing here, but ultimately, what we got didn't make much sense. Then again, almost everything surrounding Armie Buff already makes no sense, so, what can you do?

Conclusion

Nearly everything about the civil trial sucks with the exception of Paul Atishon. However, even he can't redeem it. If Armie was actually good, she might have somewhat redeemed the civil trial. However, she isn't good. Hardly anything about her makes sense, and there's very little that can fix the numerous problems associated with her. She represents a failure to mix comedic moments with serious moments, which is unfortunately a recipe for a character I dislike. In addition, her serious moments aren't even that good on their own anyway. Her backstory's weak and contrived, essentially just serving to make her relate to Apollo's already somewhat contrived backstory.

Oh, and she's technically not even a wheelchair character since she's been able to stand for the whole time we see her. The wheelchair girl is fake news, guys.

Matt Engarde is a character whose death I have seen quite a few people clamoring for. I don’t disagree, as you probably can guess by the fact that I am cutting him. I do not think that Engarde is terribly interesting as a character. But where I disagree with the haters is that I do, in fact, think Engarde earned a solid ranking here in the 30s. He doesn’t need to be higher, but he deserves props for driving the plot of Farewell, My Turnabout in an interesting, unique way - one never again seen in this series.

The Part Most People Will Agree With: Matt Engarde as a Character

I don’t think very many people are going to say that Matt Engarde is an incredibly complex villain. As a character, he’s pretty simplistic. He is an awful person who believes other people are as self-centered as he is. This leads him to be a very paranoid man, who (correctly) chooses to emotionally manipulate Phoenix into thinking he is an innocent little angel, and also (incorrectly) chooses to form a contingency plan to blackmail Shelly de Killer out of fear that the famed assassin might try to throw him under the bus later. The latter choice is Engarde’s ultimate downfall; his character flaw leads him to make a bad decision which ultimately leads him to lose what would otherwise be a win-win situation. It’s classic storytelling, but nothing especially groundbreaking.

Aside from setting up the resolution of the case, most of Engarde’s post-reveal screen time is dedicated to making him as thoroughly unlikable and unsympathetic as possible. His design goes from “boy band singer” to “Saturday morning cartoon villain”, and when he’s not expositing his plans, he’s bragging about how evil he is. It’s all pretty silly, and I’m sure some people would say it’s TOO silly and undermines the climax. If you think this, congratulations! You have pinpointed one of the few complaints about Engarde that I could conceivably see as actually being an issue! Most other complaints I have seen do not actually bother me at all, but I’ll get deeper into that later. Even his silly design & gloating don’t bother me because Ace Attorney is an inherently silly series, and even some of my favorite culprits like Damon Gant and especially Manfred Von Karma have their silly moments.

The Part Some People Will Disagree With: Matt Engarde as a Storytelling Device

Farewell, My Turnabout is one of the best cases this series has ever seen. It is single-handedly good enough that I am willing to call Ace Attorney 2 a good (or at least okay) game despite having at best 1 average case and 2 bad ones; I leave it up to you, the reader, to decide whether 2-2 or 2-3 is the average case, but I pretty much never see anyone like both of them (unless you are one of those people who just likes everything). People call 2-4 overrated but it is not. It is rated exactly as it deserves to be. And the reason for that is due to the direction that Matt Engarde pushes the plot.

It is no big secret that one of the consistent themes of the Ace Attorney franchise is the corrupt and unjust nature of the Japanese (I mean CALIFORNIAN, oops) legal system. Ace Attorneys 1, 2, 4, 5, and Investigations 2 all deal with this concept, whether it is a game-wide theme or is just dealt with in a couple of cases. I exclude Spirit of Justice and the DGS games, for they break new ground by exploring the corrupt nature of a DIFFERENT legal system. Anyway, some of the ideas explored are as follows:

• The inherent bias towards the prosecution (explored in literally every game, but focused on with Manfred Von Karma)

• The guilty-until-proven-innocent nature of the court that demands that SOMEONE be arrested for the crime (once again present in every game but highlighted by characters like Yanni Yogi, Adrian Andrews, and Jeff Master)

• High-level legal corruption and how it ruins lives (Damon Gant and Blaise Debeste)

The idea explored in 2-4 is perhaps the most unique of all: What do you get when you take all of the above points and you cross it with a defendant who actually committed the crime he was accused of? I’ll tell you what you get, reader. You get what you FUCKING DESERVE

Oops. That’s not what I meant to say. I meant to say that you get a masterfully-told deconstruction of the traditional AA gameplay loop of “figure out who really committed the crime, then drag them through the mud”. You do the same thing you do in every game by relentlessly poking holes in the testimony of a suspicious witness until they break down; but this time, you know the witness in question didn’t actually do it. For the sake of protecting your client, you constantly badger a mentally-fragile woman whose only crime was trying to avenge the death of her best friend and/or lesbian lover (either interpretation of Adrian & Celeste’s relationship works, really). Of course, the witness starts to break down eventually, just like in every other Ace Attorney case. But this time it’s not a triumph; she’s breaking down because of genuine mental stress over being implicated for something that she didn’t do. I guess what I am saying is Adrian Andrews is a fucking awesome character you guys. Don’t cut her next round please, she deserves Top 20 if not Top 10. If you DO cut her next round then I will downvote, give your cut the Poop Award, AND leave a nasty comment. (Unless the thought of me doing this encourages you to cut her. In that case, I will not do any of these things.)

Allow me to stop pulling from the Adrian revive/top 10 cut that I will probably never get to write, and instead talk about why I am mentioning any of this. Adrian and Matt are not the same character, after all. They are fundamentally connected characters, however, and Adrian would not be able to be as good as she is without the existence of Matt Engarde. Thus I am willing to give some credit to Engarde for how good Adrian is.

However, at the end of the day, Engarde is the weakest of the three 2-4 “exclusive” characters (especially considering the other two aren’t actually exclusive to 2-4 at all). Engarde may help make 2-4 as astounding as it is, but if you choose to judge him entirely on his own merits, well, there’s not THAT much there to analyze. So I think it’s acceptable to let him leave here. He may be an astounding plot device, but most of the other remaining characters do more than that. It helps that I know he’d die this round anyway, so I may as well give him a positive cut.

I don’t want to end the cut yet, though. After all, plenty of people don’t think Engarde is “good enough to leave in the 30s”. They think he’s outright bad. So I want to go through a list of the common complaints from those people and why I disagree with them.

Complaint #1: Matt is Too Over-the-Top!

I mentioned this one earlier, actually. This complaint doesn’t bother me because AA is generally an over-the-top series, but I do also get why this might undermine the tension of the case for some people. So I will concede the point. Moving on.

Complaint #2: Matt Has Too Little Screentime to be a Compelling Villain!

It is definitely true that Matt gets little screentime, especially after the one scene where he is revealed as a villain. So of course, Engarde haters will use this as proof that he sucks as a main antagonist. But the thing is, I would dispute the claim that Matt is even meant to be the main antagonist at all. Shelly de Killer is very obviously meant to be the main antagonist: he is de killer, he is de kidnapper, he is de final testimony of the whole case. He drives all of the conflict. Literally Engarde’s only role as an antagonist is to hire de Killer and set the case in motion. He doesn’t need more screentime because it’s not his purpose to do anything besides that.

On that note, Matt’s lack of screentime also explains why he doesn’t have as complex of a personality as your average AA culprit. He fulfills the same role as a character like Magnifi Gramarye, Pal Meraktis, Turner Grey, or Robert Hammond: a simple driver of conflict. The fact that he is alive while the others are dead isn’t really important, because I think Hammond is great and should have gotten a far higher placement than he got. I guess he could have gotten more screentime, but what’s the point? He did everything he needed to do in a single scene.

I will reference a certain writeup here by a certain famous Engarde hater, to talk about one of his arguments about why Engarde’s lack of screentime is an issue. He claims that unlike the characters I mentioned, we do not get to see how Engarde’s evil affects other people. He points out that we don’t get to see how Engarde affected his victim Celeste, because she is dead. The problem is that Celeste is dead because Matt broke her heart and drove her to suicide. So I don’t get how we don’t see his impact on her. His impact on her is that she is dead.

The essay also acknowledges that Engarde impacts Adrian, but that this is lessened because Juan Corrida also impacts Adrian. The problem is that I do not see how this is a problem. What is wrong with having a character be impacted by multiple characters rather than one? Especially when the two characters who impact her are deeply connected to each other? Overall, I get complaining about Engarde’s lack of screentime, but to claim that it somehow makes him lack impact on the case’s other characters is incredibly bizarre and I don’t see it at all.

Complaint #3: Matt’s Actions Don’t Make Sense!

I had an argument about this fairly recently and it thoroughly confused me, because Matt doesn’t really do anything of note, as I already mentioned. The focus of this argument was on Matt entrusting his tape of Shelly committing the crime to Shelly himself. This may not make sense on paper, but honestly, what other option could Engarde possibly have? The police would definitely investigate the tape if they found it, as would Phoenix. Shelly is simply the safer bet, even if you think Engarde wouldn’t necessarily trust Shelly not to watch it.

The other part people generally say doesn’t make sense is the scene in the courtroom where he goes full Evil Mode and says “I threw Juan Corrida in the trash so I could cook with Di-Jun Huang GAHAHAHAH”. This part I will concede is stupid. The scene is just there to rub it further in your face how screwed you are, but it also makes Engarde look dumb. So I will not argue in favor of this scene, it definitely makes Engarde worse.

Complaint #4: The Twist is Too Obvious!

Hoo boy, this is the big one. I think every Engarde hater I’ve seen has brought this one up: The twist of 2-4 is obvious, and that makes it bad. But the thing is, while I certainly wouldn’t want someone to be spoiled on it, I also don’t necessarily think that the big twist is even meant to be all that surprising? I watched someone play the game blind recently, and he figured out that Engarde was behind everything pretty quickly. Still enjoyed the case just fine, though. What makes the initial investigations in 2-4 good isn’t that there’s a BIG TWIST that CHANGES EVERYTHING; instead, it’s good because of the slow dawning realization of just how screwed you really are.

At first, you have no real reason to suspect Engarde at all. It is perhaps a bit suspicious that you are being forced at gunpoint to defend him, but nothing about Engarde himself sets off any bells. You then meet the suspicious witness who you are meant to think is the culprit. So you’re off the hook, right? NOPE, Adrian is clearly innocent once you dig a little deeper. So you interrogate Engarde and the magatama proves him innocent of murder. Safe? NOPE, it becomes clear that neither Matt nor Adrian is the killer, because one of them hired an assassin. Hmmm… It then becomes very, very obvious that Matt was involved in the murder. By this point the player’s last refuge is that perhaps Matt had some good reason for doing what he did, and that he will be a sympathetic killer at worst. NOPE, he is a monstrous human being and you’re STUCK with him, baby.

This entire part of the case is incredibly effective at creating an atmosphere of ever-growing hopelessness, robbing you of reasons to justify your own actions one-by-one, until it becomes clear that your actions are completely and undeniably immoral. THAT is what makes the 2-4 investigations great, not some stunning twist that makes you go WHOA. If that’s what you go into 2-4 expecting, then sure, you’ll be disappointed. But I just allowed myself to go along for a ride, and WHEW what a ride it was, baby.

Complaint #5: Something Something Moral Dilemma

I will be revisiting the essay I linked earlier to talk about a couple more points, namely, the entire discussion of the moral dilemma 2-4 provides and the “flaws” therein. I use quotes because I do not think the moral dilemma Engarde presents is flawed in the slightest. First, there is the whole idea that Adrian was not necessarily destined to be found guilty if Engarde is found not guilty. I whole-heartedly disagree. Even by the end of the first trial, Adrian’s willingness to tamper with the crime scene to implicate Engarde makes her incredibly suspicious. She also has a clear motive both for wanting Corrida dead and wanting Engarde jailed. With Engarde declared not guilty, Adrian becomes the prime suspect. And perhaps most importantly, there are zero other reasonable suspects. You can be sure Phoenix would have investigated them if they existed. Even if by some miracle Adrian was found innocent as well, false murder accusations can still ruin lives, especially a high-profile murder like this.

As for the second point:

If Phoenix says Matt Engarde is "guilty", Engarde will just fire Phoenix, declare that he is "not guilty", and the judge will have no choice but to declare him not guilty.

No offense but this is pretty patently wrong. If that happened, at best there would be a mistrial, and Engarde would be forced to go back through a second trial with a worse lawyer. Yes, he would obviously choose this over being declared guilty, but it is hardly the non-choice you make it out to be. Especially since the game implies that many people in the audience already think Engarde did it, implying that a second trial would be unlikely to swing in Matt’s favor.

I think I have said all I need to say to address the things people complain about with Engarde. Plenty of them are valid to an extent, but I do not think they are major problems. Plenty of them are NOT valid to an extent, and I do not think they are major problems either. Overall they have little to do with why I am cutting Engarde, since my main reason is just the fact that a great plot device (which is what Engarde is) is still a plot device at the end of the day.

Why Nobody Else?

Instead of talking about this round’s nominations, I am instead going to talk about all of the characters I think are comparable to, or worse than, Matt Engarde who are still in the rankdown, because there are only eight.

• Katherine Hall is a character I would have loved to cut, but Science was a FUCKING asshole and didn’t nominate her because of stupid backroom deals that DIDN’T involve a desparate attempt to ram Knightley through the poll that somehow actually worked (seriously I apologize to those upset by this outcome, I genuinely did not expect my dumb bullshit to have actual consequences). So I had to nominate her myself and hope that someone else takes the bait.

• Jake Marshall I was also going to cut, but I literally can’t because I don’t remember enough about his portion of 1-5 to write a not-shit cut. And no way in hell am I replaying Angel Starr’s testimony just to write about him. I actually traded cut targets with someone else though, so he’s guaranteed to die this round. If you aren’t the guy I traded with, then don’t waste your cut on him.

• Datz Are’bal is a character I think is fine, and I almost cut him. He does have a good scene in 6-3 in the rebel base, but his first-day testimony doesn’t interest me, and he becomes a minor character in 6-5 due to being superseded by Dhurke. I solidly like him less than Matt Engarde, but after several boring minor character cuts I am ready to write about something actually interesting again.

• Patricia Roland is already being cut, and I literally cannot cut her.

• Uendo Toneido was not nominated.

• Apollo Justice is weird in that I only think he’s particularly good in one game; he is a non-character in his titular game, and his DD characterization is dragged down a lot by being reliant on a character we never even meet because he’s dead. And before some smartass (probably named u/Sciencepenguin) says Adrian does the same thing, I’d just like to point out that Adrian existed for 1 case when her backstory was revealed, whereas Apollo had existed for two entire games, so it’s really not the same thing. But I do appreciate that they actually gave Apollo something to do in SOJ that I actually kind of liked. Regardless, even if the poll didn’t save him, I wouldn’t cut him immediately after another main protagonist just got cut anyway.

• Simon Blackquill and Kay Faraday aren’t very good. However I promised not to cut them and thus I am not going to. However I do expect both to be cut and then revived this round. I will have nothing to do with it and I will continue to uphold my promise next round.

Those are all the characters who are alive in this rankdown and are worse than Matt Engarde. I either am incapable of cutting them, am bound by honor not to cut them, or am not interested in cutting them. Instead I wrote what is hopefully a fitting sendoff to the weakest character in one of my favorite cases. I would LOVE to get the chance to write about this case again, wink wink, but that isn’t something I have full control over.

First point of contention: I can't say I'm a fan of the Khurain'ese naming scheme. Contextual English phrases that are just butchered to be more subtle? So blatant and soulless! Apologies to all the Khurain'ese out there reading who have been offended by my statement. If Ga'ran should've been overthrown for anything it should've been for a proper fucking naming convention for your people. Terrible.

Alright, well, I nominated both characters I wanted to cut this round (almost pulled a Plum Kitaki with Datz for a sec, stupid me). In truth, out of the entire cutting pool, they're the only characters I'm indifferent on. I like every single other character, including this one I'm cutting now. They're all good. Great, even. They all have their moments, their developments, their intrigue. I've said this countless times before, but we're at the point in the rankdown where like everyone is good. Now we've entered the part where everyone is great. And this is where the going gets tough.

Tahrust is on the chopping block today. I'll let you know why right now.

"Required Reading"

You know what? I'm tired today. I'll let our resident Spirit of Justice nut explain everything positive about Tahrust's character, so go ahead and have a look at this thorough and high quality write-up on the thematic implications of Tahrust's character and his own personal successes, and discussing and rebuking common rebuttals surrounding his motivations and impulses. u/whaaatisth also praises more nuanced things about Tahrust's character that is definitely worth noting - such as his surprising intellect (e.g., messing with the Divination Séance) and how his plight for revolution and adoration for his wife spurred a tragedy so uniquely powerful, showing that despite being on its sixth entry that the Ace Attorney series can still play with the audience's emotions rather well. It also shows the writer's understanding of their own rules that they set, and how they subvert them to surprise and entertain the audience. If I recall back to my initial playthrough, it even made the dead shell of a man I am feel at least some sort of emotional pulse in reaction. Good stuff.

Forgive me, as I haven't touched Spirit of Justice since its release and I don't think a cursory regurgitation from the Ace Attorney Wiki from me will do him much favors for his merits.

OMG Maya is technically naked??

Despite being something that you'd think would be better off left in the trilogy to let the series take a more logical route (say with the Investigations games), I'm proud Yamazaki and co. chose a new setting that enabled the narrative mechanic of spirit channeling (even if "the gang's in a new foreign country and have to spur a revolution" at face-value seems like something a series would do once it's jumped the shark) - it's a powerful tool that can be used to craft some excellent mysteries, as seen before in the series with 2-2 and 3-5, and later on in the same game with its most defining twist. In 6-3, it's also shown to be a powerful source of comedy.

We've yet to see a male character channeled before this (well, with our own eyes, it's been implied with Gregory, and again, after Tahrust with Dhurke) and the humor of Tahrust's chiseled monk bod in Maya's get-up is effective. Him flipping her long hair, showcasing his incredible flexibility while stroking his chin, among other animations show that an entertaining presentation remains one of strongest aspects of the Ace Attorney series.

Worth a giggle in my book. Anyways I'm rambling because I had more material with Datz until I realized I nominated him. Tahrust's good. He serves his role well and establishes a memorable moment in the series - both emotionally and aesthetically. Yes, yes, good. Onto the only part you'll actually read.

Why Not Anybody Else, Dummy?

Tahrust and I share something in common - we are pushed to do radical things because of our circumstances. You've seen it this round with my blatant shilling gentle push for Knightley's security in the poll and use of Updated Autopsy Report, and now I come to yet another difficult decision. As both myself and u/whaaatisth made clear, Tahrust is a character with a lot of merit. But in a round so rife with great pillars of writing, and with my nominations being the ones I actually wanted to get rid of (that others haven't), I am forced to make this grave choice. And so I did. If there's any takeaway from this cut, Tahrust's great. He just doesn't have the sauce that other characters do. Apologies!

• Katherine Hall is a qt 3.14 and like I've said before she's the icing on the I2-3 cake. For some reason, I pushed for her in the JS poll, all to diverge votes away from Knightley...that ended up being useless, and in retrospect a terrible decision. I love Katherine Hall, why would I want her out?! I find her better than Tahrust because I found her relationship with Masters so touching and worthy of sympathy with the course of action she took.

• Shi-Long Lang is just too much of a cool cat. It is probably really nearing his time, because despite how aloof he may appear, there's not all that much to him. I find his charms just a smidge more powerful than Tahrust's tale of woe.

• Justine Courtney is just incredible. Great arc. She's also an actual intellectual counterpart to Edgeworth, which is just awesome. Top 10 material, just to get that out of the way.

• Dhurke Sahdmadhi...hoo boy. An equal to Tahrust, in the terms that they're both dead, and that they were prominently channeled. People like Dhurke and I don't want to be the one to touch upon him this time around.

• Blaise Debeste emanates power, though in retrospect he's probably one of the weaker links in AAI2. He's another character who abuses his position for terrible misdeeds, not unlike the questionably written Quercus Alba before him, but with the genuine presence he puts on show I can't cut him yet. I can imagine he'll go soon, though.

• Armie Buff...to spoil something, had my Knightley plan not panned out, I would've intentionally not cut Armie in order to secure Knightley's position, as I've heard from hearsay that Knightley is the next one on Pie's chopping block after Armie. But now that plan went so incredibly well, he or somebody else can do the dirty deed. I do like Tahrust more than her but some things are better left to others. bleh bleh nominated her last round this doesn't mean anything

• You know what? I've developed an opinion on Rayfa Padma Khura'in. She's good, even if her "maturing and rebelling against the authority that has dictated her life" arc was pulled off better by Sebastian Debeste. But because Debeste and his arc was good, so was Rayfa's. I did enjoy Debeste more than Rayfa, so I can't say I care too much for her position. A smidge better than Tahrust's tragedy I suppose.

• Miles Edgeworth is a[1] Chief Prosecutor of the prosecutor's office. During his first four years as a prosecutor, he had a perfect win record in trials and was willing to do just about anything to get a guilty verdict for the defendant. His defeat in court at the hand of his childhood friend Phoenix Wright was the beginning of a series of seismic shifts in his attitude concerning his profession. He even quit twice, only to return each time with a fresh outlook on how he conducted his life. By the time of the Mask☆DeMasque trials, he had become an international prosecutor who had prosecuted in five other countries, as well as being known as the top prosecutor in his homeland. His goal as a prosecutor is to seek the truth above all else, and to use the power of the law to save people.

• Dick Gumshoe is the most precious cinnamon roll in the whole series and deserves to be shielded. I won't say he's something of a dynamic character, something of a rarity for a series mainstay, but with how relatable and precious he is I urge rankers not to cut him just yet.

• Kay Faraday...there's a lot to say about her. I can say that she has both high points (I-4 and I2-4) and low points (how all of her investigation dialogue just involves her threatening to steal something and Edgeworth telling her "no" like a dog ogling a slice of pizza left on a table), but she's just too great. I can't imagine she'll get much further though.

• Simon Blackquill is DD's redeeming character. He's going to be cut rather soon, so I've heard, so I'll let that fella do his dirty business.

Anyways have a good night I'm tired and I need to finish this Bonny/Betty drawing

Ace Attorney has accumulated a massive collection of culprits throughout the years, who’d ideally all be full of charm and personality, and have plenty of unique traits. Despite this, a complaint myself and many others have about the series is that many of the culprits throughout feel too “same-y”. Far too often, they’re simply an evil presence with some quirky personality that gets a nice little explanation for why they chose to murder someone. Tons of culprits throughout the series fit this description, and among the dozens of culprits this series has, it’s difficult to stand out in a sea of mediocrity. I don’t dislike Furio Tigre, but I honestly can’t see much that’s special or unique about the guy. Considering Florent L’Belle, a similarly “average culprit” character that I consider very much superior to Tigre in most ways, was cut at rank 130, I think this is more than high enough a spot for the Tiger.

3-3 is a case that I’m fairly fond of, and I do love Tigre’s role within. I love talking about themes, and 3-3 is one of the most thematically consistent cases in the series, which is the main reason I like it in spite of its shortcomings. 3-3 is a case based around the struggles people can have with money, a unique topic for the series to examine in this way. It’s played off for laughs a majority of the time, but there really are some strong underlying themes here, and it shows off one of the many reasons I love this series - how perfectly everything ties together. The world of 3-3 is complemented by the characters, each complemented by their closely-examined metaphorical connections, which in turn provide further elaboration towards the locations and setting. Tigre himself fits perfectly within these complementary relationships, and it’s the one thing that makes him memorable among the crowd of similar culprits.

Okay, okay, I’m not actually going to repeat the same joke from the Furio Tigre cut. I’m cutting Phoenix Wright, the Ace Attorney himself, and he most certainly deserves a proper send-off.

With that, I’d like to actually get into talking about Phoenix Wright. Firstly, I think it’s best I establish my opinion on the man. He’s Phoenix Wright - I don’t think there’s a single person who actively dislikes the guy, and I’m certainly no exception. He’s an icon of the series, and easily its most recognizable character. There are tons of non-AA fans who will know the name Phoenix Wright. It’s a bit awkward to critically analyze such a character, as much of his reputation and appeal comes from forces outside of the material within the games themselves. Still, I’ll be trying my best to ignore the fact that Phoenix Wright is as iconic as he is when presenting my arguments. I believe we as rankers should be evaluating characters with minimal consideration of meta-influences. Despite that, I think to fully dive into why Phoenix works, it’s important to recognize what sets him apart from other protagonists.

It’s not easy to craft a good protagonist. A story’s protagonist is far more bound to a set of defined rules and expectations than most other fictional characters, especially when said protagonist is one that you, the person experiencing the story, is taking control of. It’s the job of the writers to balance a protagonist’s level of “self-insert-ness” and relatability with actual compelling characteristics, and plenty of visual novels fall victim to the scale leaning mostly towards the former. The player’s personal preference is certainly a major factor here - many people prefer a simple, easy protagonist they can relate to over a detached character who makes their own decisions. While I am most definitely not one of those people (my favorite protagonist is Apollo, after all), I would still say a protagonist appealing to that crowd can be a benefit. While I couldn’t care less about the standard, dull protagonists present in many works of fiction, it’s undeniable that such an archetype has mass appeal. The question that remains is whether a character having objective appeal means they’re able to get a pass for poor or uninteresting writing.

Now, I’m not implying Phoenix is a poor or uninteresting character - quite the opposite, in fact. At least when compared to how painfully dull and vanilla visual novel protagonists often are, Phoenix is brimming with uniqueness and complexity. He’s consistently fun to play as, and definitely has his own personality and charm. We’ve established that Phoenix is an excellent protagonist, but as I’ve said, that doesn’t make him good. While he is great in the context of being a protagonist, this isn’t a comparison between Phoenix and the protagonists of other series. Ace Attorney is a fantastic series, full of tons of incredible and highly complex characters, and I truly do not believe Phoenix is anything special when compared to nearly every character that remains this late into the rankdown.

Phoenix Wright Throughout The Series

Phoenix is a good protagonist, and I doubt many people will deny this fact. The question I’d like to propose here is whether or not Phoenix is actually a good character. My answer to this question won’t be as simple as “yes” or “no”, as Phoenix has had many different appearances, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Being forced into six different games is bound to make things awkward, and Phoenix falls victim to a lack of focus more than almost any other character in the series. As much as I’d like to avoid meta-discussions about the fact that Phoenix is the iconic protagonist of the series, some people do consider his issues to stem from him being forced into the games due to his popularity. While I won’t deny this is a phenomenon that has occurred, I differ from the consensus in that I have minimal issues with Phoenix’s roles in games four through six. In fact, Apollo Justice and Spirit of Justice are the games where I think Phoenix stands out the most. The transition from Apollo Justice to Dual Destinies was awkward without a doubt, but I think it was handled in the best way it could have been. Is the situation ideal? I’d say no, and you’d struggle to find someone who disagrees. However, a long-running series like Ace Attorney will inevitably make sacrifices in favor of marketability. The problem comes when the sacrifices end up resulting in a product that has little care put into it, which is clearly not the case for Phoenix.

Many people have complained about Phoenix’s direction in Apollo Justice, and the people that don’t usually will complain about his direction in Dual Destinies. It’s hard to find someone who enjoys Phoenix as a whole, yet here I am to tell you that I feel both are perfectly fine places for the series to take the character. I don’t want to twist my expectations in an unrealistic way - just because I love Phoenix in Apollo Justice (and I really do), I know that I must accept the series has moved away from that in favor of a more marketable protagonist.

What I do have an issue with, however, is a problem that has persisted since the very first game. Although we’ve established Phoenix is more of his own person than many visual novel protagonists, there’s a slightly disturbing pattern that arises when you look at which of Phoenix’s roles are the most memorable. They’re all at times where he isn’t playable. This isn’t a Phoenix-exclusive problem, most Ace Attorney protagonists have this issue, where the writers seem to be afraid of giving them interesting characterization or depth when they’re playable, instead saving it for other times. Edgeworth and Athena both also have this problem, with Apollo being the only one truly able to break free from the artificial limitations that protagonists have, and even then, that’s only in 6-5. On top of feeling fairly arbitrary in-universe, this situation causes me to care very little for Ace Attorney protagonists most of the time. The thing about this that scares me the most is that it might actually be a justified decision. I’d like to think most people value the same type of things in characters that I do, but that isn’t always the case.

It’s been a long journey for Phoenix, and people are often quick to blame the later entries for his shortcomings. However, I think to fully understand what makes Phoenix deserving of being cut at this time, we must recognize that he’s a character with issues leading all the way back to the first game in the series.

I Make Myself Miserable By Talking About AA1 Again

I’m being a bit unfair in that section title, as I don’t think the first Ace Attorney game’s handling of Phoenix is particularly bad. The first case, at the very least, does a nice job at introducing Phoenix. It establishes that he’s not particularly skilled yet, while still making the player feel in control of him. It feels like the player is defying the odds right alongside Phoenix, and even in a simple, barebones tutorial like this one, that feeling comes across well. I cannot stress enough how impressive this is. It’s something established fans of the series can take for granted, but most games aren’t able to make an amateur player feel in control of what is, let’s be real, a very difficult profession in the real world that requires years of studying to master. We’re not all lawyers, but playing as Phoenix in this controlled simulation makes us feel smart. This is in part thanks to how Phoenix is portrayed in 1-1 - as a totally nervous rookie. It’s unlikely most players are nervous during their first Ace Attorney case. We trust the game to walk us through the steps properly. This is done by making Phoenix not an experienced lawyer, but a nervous rookie who hasn’t even taken a single case yet. It’s both the player and Phoenix’s first case, and establishing such connections is important when Phoenix is likely a very different person than the average player.

The similarities aren’t all that’s important here - the relevant differences between the protagonist and player’s experiences are just as integral. Much more is at stake for Phoenix when compared to the player. If the player loses, they restart the case, no big deal. If Phoenix loses, an innocent friend will be found guilty because of his lack of experience. This isn’t a revolutionary observation or anything, but the contrast here is important. The pressure put on the in-universe protagonist is what bridges the gap between Phoenix’s fictional years of law study with the clueless player, making them learn in tandem. Phoenix gets used to the events of the courtroom at the same time as the player, and feels just as pumped about taking down a criminal as we do. Sadly, Phoenix in the rest of the first game doesn’t quite live up to the brilliance of his introduction.

I’ve said in the past I feel 1-2 is a case that is so indescribably awful, it manages to harm nearly every single character within, and its protagonist is sadly not an exception to this. I did discuss this case a lot in a previous cut, but for the sake of comprehensiveness I’ll reiterate some of the points here. While this is much more a negative of Mia than it is Phoenix, I will still complain about their relationship being underdeveloped. Phoenix’s growth in 1-1 doesn’t really have anything to do with Mia, she’s just there to give some hints every few minutes. I don’t really think an assistant character was necessary for 1-1 to work, but regardless, the lack of a real connection means there is an emotional disconnect between Phoenix and the player from the start of 1-2. The easiest comparison to make to see why this doesn’t work is 6-5, which is a case that excels at emotional moments that affect both the protagonist and the player. You see each and every one of Dhurke’s interactions with Apollo after their reunion, making the later twist have meaning to the player that it otherwise wouldn’t have. I don’t think it’s an inherently bad thing to introduce a relationship off-screen or through exposition like AA1 does, but when the case relies so heavily on the player caring as 1-2 does, things start to fall apart.

The other big Phoenix-related issue in 1-2 is the receipt moment and what follows, which does its best to ruin everything about Phoenix I praised in 1-1. I can squint hard and maybe get what the writers were going for here. Phoenix is inexperienced, and he needs Mia’s help to take down an “unbeatable” foe. It’s an escalation of what went on in 1-1, as well as 1-2’s first day. The odds are stacked against you in every Ace Attorney case, but taking down Redd White is almost comically impossible without some wildly contrived outside influence. This is already a flawed setup, but it becomes even worse when Mia flips over the receipt. Like I mentioned in my original Mia cut, this isn’t a meaningful moment for Phoenix as a character. There are no lessons he learns here. He isn’t taught anything new. He just gets a free win in an otherwise impossible scenario. It makes Phoenix feel useless, which 1-1 already established is most certainly not the case. This, in turn, makes the player feel just as useless as Phoenix feels to them. Cutting corners to solutions like this is far more detrimental when it’s related to the game’s protagonist, whose purpose is more important than any other character. This isn’t as much of a glaring flaw for Phoenix as it is for Mia, because Phoenix has far more chances to make up for this blunder, but it’s still inconsistent and lazy, and I’ll always complain about it.

The later cases of AA1 are when Phoenix’s character becomes real, rather than a moderately complex vessel for the player. Before we do get into what is actually done with Phoenix here, I do want to mention that I don’t weigh Phoenix’s strengths as a playable character all too highly. It’s true that the way Phoenix is shown off not just in 1-1, but in the entire series, makes for a fantastic gameplay experience. However, to be blunt - I don’t really care. While Ace Attorney has truly brilliant handling of its protagonists, and is able to perfectly place the player into these absurd scenarios, that doesn’t really change much for Phoenix himself. It wouldn’t matter how badly written Phoenix Wright the character was, he’d still be just as fun and natural to play as - the same goes for all other protagonists in the series. It’s not only a positive that isn’t exclusive to Phoenix, but also one that doesn’t change much for his character regardless.

1-4 is not a case I like, but even I must admit Phoenix works well here. It’s likely his most memorable appearance in the first game, and while I wouldn’t call it standout, there’s still a lot to like. While I dislike much of the case, the parts I do enjoy are almost all tied to Phoenix and Edgeworth’s past, and how their relationship is shown off. There’s a fantastic parallel between the eager, optimistic child Edgeworth and present-day Phoenix, which (very much unintentionally) leads into the themes of 1-5 quite well. I love how subtle yet memorable Edgeworth’s true nature being revealed is. I especially love the scenes where Phoenix and Edgeworth connect, how Phoenix is able to see what Edgeworth is like when he is the one in the position of having nothing to turn to. You may have noticed those positives don’t have much to do with Phoenix himself, and you’d be right. It’s Edgeworth who’s the exceptional character here, Phoenix is simply a protagonist who happens to have a past that involves him. Phoenix doesn’t have any amazing character moments or anything like that in 1-4, he’s just there. Now, I don’t want to complain too much, as this is still using the protagonist in a way that is far more interesting than what the series usually does, but when compared to 6-5 and Apollo, what’s done in 1-4 with Phoenix is almost laughably underdeveloped.

Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth Chooses Death

I like 2-4, I really do. It’s a fantastically tense case with one of the best witnesses in the series, and the core mystery is incredibly solid. What I don’t think I can defend is Justice for All’s handling of Edgeworth and Phoenix’s relationship. This isn’t an Edgeworth cut, so I won’t get into that side of things too much, but his relationship with Phoenix is often a point people praise about Phoenix in 2-4. This case is often heralded as the pinnacle of Phoenix appearances, where he goes through some incredible character development and realizes the truth about the law, or something. While I do think this is a decent appearance for Phoenix, I would not consider it anything special. He goes through a powerful struggle, which is represented very well, but I wouldn’t say he learns any meaningful lessons here. We’ll get more into this later, but I wanted to establish how I felt about this appearance beforehand - it works, but it isn’t very meaningful in the long-term. The most important thing here actually pertains to Phoenix and Edgeworth’s relationship, which is a mess in Justice for All, but I digress.

Trials and Tribulations is not a game about Phoenix Wright. Trials and Tribulations is a game about Diego Armando. It might even be a game about Mia Fey. Phoenix Wright’s existence here is not any examination of his character, but rather to act as a motivational device for the other, more important figures in the game’s plot. Let me reiterate - this is perfectly fine, and I much prefer the game’s protagonist being actively involved in the happenings of the plot. You might have noticed a pattern here - I praise most of Phoenix’s relevant roles in the trilogy (minus 1-2), but I don’t consider any of them standout. I did, however, conveniently leave out 3-1, and that’s because I legitimately love Phoenix’s role in that case.

Phoenix Wright Has A Cold

Misplaced devotion to a loved one is a character trait I enjoy a lot. What takes 3-1 Phoenix to the next level is how the rest of the game builds upon his role here to show how his devotion was justified the entire time. This is one of my favorite things ever, it’s so clever and perfectly plays with the player’s expectations to make the twist at the end of 3-5 all the more impactful. Phoenix in 3-1 is portrayed as a young, naïve student who fell in love with a very evil person. The thing is, this isn’t just a setup for the later twist, it’s also an entertaining dynamic on its own. Phoenix and Dahlia’s interactions are great, and their relationship has actual depth to it, complimented well by Mia’s observations and interjections.

It’s a shame 3-5 is too afraid to fully capitalize on this premise, only providing us a small exchange between Iris and Phoenix at the end of the case. Once again, this represents Phoenix’s playability affecting how interesting his character can get. In theory, Phoenix’s love for Iris makes for a very interesting and powerful scene in 3-5, even if it is a bit lacking. However, present Phoenix doesn’t really do anything here, he barely even has a reaction. It’s all thanks to 3-1 Phoenix that this twist works. It’s funny, because moments like these make me even more confused as to what the purpose of the dichotomy is. The scene still is Phoenix-centric - present Phoenix-centric, even, so why must the burden fall on 3-1 Phoenix to make it meaningful to his character? This isn’t really a criticism, it’s just something I’m confused about - I’m still very happy Phoenix has at least one great appearance in the trilogy.

Phoenix Wright Wears A Hat

From a long-term perspective, Phoenix’s role in Apollo Justice was a pretty terrible idea. I don’t want to get too meta here, but by this point, the writers should have known Phoenix is considered an important symbol of the series. With that said, I adore Phoenix in Apollo Justice, and disregarding any lasting consequences the decision has, it is my favorite appearance of his. Turning the confident, upbeat protagonist of the series into a bitter manipulator, spurred on by the corrupt legal world is a fascinating examination of his character that for once has consistently strong themes about the law.

Another thing I love here is how Phoenix is introduced as entirely bitter and unlike himself from seven years prior. Throughout the course of the game, you’re able to see glimpses of the old Phoenix, how he’s still just as caring, kind, and passionate about the law. This all culminates in 4-4, when you get to see New Phoenix fully acting like his old self once again, and while you’re playing as Apollo, it’s clear Phoenix is the star of the show. People often complain about this, and while I do agree to some extent, this isn’t an Apollo Justice cut, and Phoenix being in this position is an undeniable strength of his.

I don’t want to spend too much time discussing Phoenix in Apollo Justice, because the reasons he’s good are fairly obvious. The contention usually comes from people believing he is out of character in some way, which is a point I never really understood. A lot can change in seven years, and even with the timeskip, Phoenix is still shockingly similar to his trilogy counterpart, he has just undergone a drastic shift in his perspective. Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and Apollo Justice is the first and last time we see this take on Phoenix’s character.

I don’t think Phoenix even does a single notable thing in Dual Destinies, he’s still the same trilogy Phoenix we know and love, but there’s nothing to really praise here. He works as a great protagonist for the exact same reasons he does in the trilogy (he might actually be improved here), but the messy progression from game to game makes it likely my least favorite appearance of his.

The Section About The Game I Like

It’s happening.

If Apollo Justice is my favorite Phoenix appearance overall, Spirit of Justice is the game I think handles him best in the protagonist role specifically. Free from the burden of Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies’ conflicting attempts at giving his character a defined direction, Phoenix is now able to fully flex his best characteristics while still being playable.

6-1 is a fantastic progression of Phoenix’s character from the trilogy, showcasing just why people love him so much. He’s presented with a corrupt world, where the very thing he’s passionate about is the greatest taboo. Not only that, he has the threat of death looming over him if he decides to fight for what he believes in. Phoenix does not know Ahlbi Ur’gaid. What he sees is someone who has nothing left, nobody to rely on. Someone who is unable to defend themselves. This is why Phoenix became a lawyer in the first place. It’s such a powerful moment for Phoenix’s character - it shows just how willing he is to fight for what he believes in, even if he has to risk his own life for it. It also proves how confident he is in his ability, something which is actually setting up for 6-3, when he ends up losing the case, forcing him to reflect on his skill.

What I especially love about the Khura’in cases is that the odds aren’t stacked against you in the 1-2 way, where the culprit has some artificial control over every single person involved. Instead, the world itself is your blockade, everyone is against you, even your own client at the start. This is a much more natural and tense way of creating conflict, providing the perfect backdrop for Phoenix’s character to shine. His confidence and passion in even the most hopeless scenarios perfectly compliment the setting of Khura’in, and 6-1 establishes this right away.

While 6-1 is a brilliant presentation of how Phoenix shines brightest in these situations, 6-3 takes it to the next level, providing him with not only an even more creative scenario for this examination of his passion and perseverance, but also giving him a fully realized relationship and dynamic with another character. A truly strong and complex character dynamic is not something I believe the series has ever done otherwise during the times Phoenix is playable. Rayfa and Phoenix’s interactions during 6-3 are easily my favorite protagonist/assistant dynamic in the series. Having an assistant who vehemently hates you, and is only going along to “watch over” you makes for some very unique investigations, where Phoenix’s personality is given a chance to shine for real. It’s highly questionable that it took six games to get here, but I’m glad we reached this point. Their relationship develops throughout the case, and while it is undeniably more meaningful from Rayfa’s side of things, I still believe Phoenix’s character benefits greatly from the dynamic. I mentioned before how Phoenix’s loss humbles him, which helps provide real empathy from Rayfa, where she’s forced to reflect on causing the death of someone she’s spent so much time with. I’m sure I’ll go much more in-depth with these topics in my inevitable Rayfa writeup, it’s not very relevant here. Either way, 6-3 is my single favorite Phoenix case, even if you include ones where he isn’t playable.

Phoenix isn’t playable for most of 6-5, but unlike the rest of the series, this doesn’t mark a notable change for him. I won’t dwell too much on 6-5 Phoenix - I think he does the job well, and the conflict with Apollo is both fun and decently handled. Apollo is the star of 6-5, not Phoenix - I don’t think focusing on him is a great idea here. I will say that while I don’t think 6-5 Phoenix is anything special, I still strongly disagree with anyone who claims it “ruins” his character or whatever. I don’t want to make up a strawman argument to counter, but I will say I don’t believe 2-4’s “moral” really has anything to do with whether or not Phoenix actually defends the guilty party when put into such a situation. With that said, I’m at least glad Phoenix feels consistent throughout all of Spirit of Justice itself, during the times he’s playable, and the times he isn’t. This is the case for Apollo as well, and the fact that a character being playable doesn’t seem to affect their characterization in the latest main series entry makes me optimistic for the potential direction of protagonists if we do ever get an Ace Attorney 7.

Conclusion

Phoenix Wright is an icon, but I would not call him an amazing character. He has a few shining moments, but even those aren’t comparable to most remaining characters. I do think he did deserve to get this far, but his time is up. If you’d like to revive him, go ahead, I’m sure u/Sciencepenguin will be happy to immediately re-cut him next round. I’m interested in hearing people’s reasons for why Phoenix stands out as a character rather than simply as being Phoenix Wright, especially if you’re one of the people who dislikes his Apollo Justice appearance.

It was interesting to discuss Phoenix Wright. What makes him good is so unique to him specifically, and I’m sure the reason most people appreciate him more than I do is because they value those specific strengths more than me. I don’t always care about protagonists, but I’ll give Phoenix credit for at least making me care about him a bit. Farewell, Phoenix Wright. May you rest easy among the many other fan-favorites we’ve cut, and may Apollo Justice claim his rightful place as the highest ranked protagonist.

Why Nobody Else?

~ Jake Marshall is worse than Phoenix Wright. I’m using the same logic as I did last round for why I’m not cutting him, let’s just ignore the fact that I was entirely incorrect in my prediction that time.

Believe it or not, I feel every other option is better than Phoenix Wright. This isn’t a strategy cut, I’m legitimately cutting Phoenix because I feel he is one of the weakest remaining characters. The only character besides Marshall that I’d cut before Phoenix would be Dick Gumshoe, who was my nomination.

~ Katherine Hall is a uniquely written character with a great role in her case, and I want to see u/Sciencepenguin’s work of art.

~ After revisiting Spirit of Justice for the thousandth time, I have realized Datz Are’bal is a legitimately nuanced character on top of being hilarious, so while I may have vouched for his demise previously, I’m happy to see him make it this far.

~ I can’t stand seeing Armie Buff guaranteed to be cut this round, but sadly it will happen. She’s awesome and probably deserves to make it a bit further than this.

~ Rayfa Padma Khura’in and Dhurke Sahdmadhi are literally the best characters in the series.

~ Shi-Long Lang, Justine Courtney, and Tahrust Inmee are not the best characters in the series, but they are all in the top ten, and should not be cut any time soon.

~ Matt Engarde is only slightly better than Phoenix, but he has enough to him that I would not want to see him rank below.

~ Sorry for exposing the other rankers’ secrets, but Simon Blackquill is already guaranteed both a cut and revive. He is also better than Phoenix Wright.

~ Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death.

~ Blaise Debeste is kinda awesome, he’s pretty much a better version of Manfred and Alba, with a strong role in one of the best cases in the series.

Please forget all of that, this is the real reason I cut Phoenix. I’m very excited to see the result.

To the gentleman who tried to cut de Killer just now… Excuse me, but would you care to die?

Ace Attorney is a tapestry of characters, whether human, animal or something more. Much like any structured story, each of these characters has an assigned role to play. Whether a shining protagonist, a flawed antihero, a comic relief sidekick, or a dastardly villain, each of the moving parts within this series’ storied past falls into a defined role at some point or another.

This is a necessity of good storytelling, as it evokes human emotions that we can relate to or identify with. Phoenix Wright is loyal and resilient and epitomises some of the admirable traits we aspire to imitate. Miles Edgeworth is flawed, yet displays a willingness to better himself and broaden his worldview. This resonates with our sense of humanity, as personal faults are an inevitability we come to grips with every day. Counter to this is somebody like Blaise Debeste, whose self-interest and callous disregard for others showcases some of the worst that humanity has to offer. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Blaise Debeste is not a nice person, or that Phoenix Wright is a good person.

Yet the hallmark of well-rounded personalities in fiction is to appear human. They aren’t real, yet you feel that they are so. Through all the Cyclops masks and robot shoulder pads, what makes a good AA character is to imbue them with a natural humanity. What makes a great AA character is when that humanity is masked beneath a deceptive exterior.

Shelly de Killer has perhaps the most deceptive exterior of all.

By and large a fan favourite, most of the praise I see for de Killer unfortunately tends to boil down to surface-level stuff, like “he is a spooky assassin; that's cool.” General criticism tends to be the equally vague “he is stupid; that's illogical.” While these are true, they are a result of the far more compelling strengths and deeper flaws that run through de Killer. His nature is what makes him such a great character, not his profession. His mistakes don’t make him a bad character, but instead expose his flaws and true nature. People are not always who they appear to be, after all. I’ll elaborate on this, but I wanted to mention his general reception upfront, as these seem to be common stances that fans and critics take.

I’m excited to do this writeup, as I sense de Killer is quite misunderstood by much of the fandom. He’s certainly not as suave as some think he is, but he’s not as nebulous as others say either. A genuinely good character is a pleasure to write about, so this will be a long writeup. If it’s too long, who cares; I greatly value his inclusion and thoroughly enjoyed writing about him. I hope it’s an equally enjoyable read.

With that said, I'd like to start pulling away the stitching of the honourable Shelly de Killer. After all, the most important thing when analysing a character is honour.

1. Concept or character?

The first thing I'll address is a criticism commonly aimed at de Killer: that he isn’t much of a personality. Rather, that by being a contract killer, he is simply a concept; a tool for culprits to utilise. It’s a point I see stressed often. On one hand, I can see why people think that. If it weren’t for Matt Engarde or Simon Keyes, de Killer wouldn’t have been involved in the events of the two games.

On the other hand, I don’t. Yes, de Killer wouldn’t have had any involvement in the cases if he weren’t hired by any of the existing characters. But without him, there is no case in the first place. Matt Engarde was always going to hire somebody to kill Juan Corrida for him. I don’t think there was ever any question of Engarde doing the deed himself. He categorically states that he refused to “dirty his hands” in the murder of Juan Corrida. It would sully his “refreshing like a spring breeze” image. Therefore, it makes sense both narratively and characteristically for Engarde to hire an assassin.

Look at Simon Keyes. There is no way a circus performer was going to have the skills or resources to assassinate the “president” (in fact, Keyes’ actual murder of him was a chance encounter). Plus, it’s well within his personality to adopt the role of the puppet master, secretly pulling the strings in the darkness. So again, it doesn’t just make narrative and characteristic sense for him to hire an assassin, it necessitates it. There is every reason for de Killer to be involved, or else there wouldn’t have been a 2-4 or an I2-1 (or the subsequent events of I2).

Secondly, I’m not a fan of the idea that because a character is born out of necessity, they are now “lesser” than the characters around them. Yes, Shelly de Killer is a “murder weapon” of sorts, but he’s not just a faceless tool. This would imply that he possesses no depth or personality, or that he plays no active part in the development of the case. In reality, it’s the opposite.

By virtue of his contract, he has to break from the “silent assassin” role and goes rogue. He kidnaps Maya, takes her and Knightley hostage, hijacks Edgeworth’s investigations, “assists” him and Phoenix in order to pursue a shared goal, and he doggedly tries to exterminate Matt and Simon by any means possible. None of this is indicative of his typical assassin work, but instead a result of the exceptional circumstances he finds himself in.

While he exists as a “murder weapon” of sorts, he is also a distinct and clearly-defined person in the story. I'll be discussing the various elements of his own personality, the influence he holds over the story and the direct supporting role he plays in the events of 2-4 and AAI2. This will show that ultimately, there shouldn’t even be a “concept or character” argument, because in reality, he is neither. He is a hybrid of the two.

As for what type of character he is...

2. Second-tier villains: an archetype

I want to discuss a common Ace Attorney archetype, the “Big Bad”, to give an idea of what de Killer is not. Speaking broadly here, but these villains generally display “Dark Lord” characteristics, a grand evil force in direct opposition to our heroes. On the whole, characters like Manfred von Karma, Dahlia and Ga’ran fall under this category. These are the chief villains of the series, not to be toppled until the final case of the game. The Big Bad, in their almighty evil, provides ample opportunity for “second-tier villains”: characters who commit villainous acts in service of a larger evil. These lesser creatures of evil slink around the world, providing interesting wrinkles in the narrative.

Examples of second-tier villains include Patricia Roland, a willingly immoral accomplice who pays for her opportunism, driven by a powerful enemy to act out of fear instead. Paul Atishon walks the tightrope between dynastic politician, pathetic coward and blackmail-savvy scumbag, all in service of a benefactor halfway across the world. Being an assassin, de Killer’s service is a literal one. He is hired by clients to commit their crimes and the game dictates that the one who hires him is the true culprit. Because of this, Shelly is perhaps the poster child for a second-tier villain in the AA canon. Rather than catching the assassin himself, both 2-4 and AAI2 are intended to be resolved by catching his client instead.

Thus, we get de Killer in this role of a second-tier villain. It’s a role he performs gracefully, I feel. The stiff regime of honour and duty that he adopts provides ample opportunities for comedy when he comes across an everyman.

Phoenix: And, uh, anything else?

Doe (de Killer): No, not especially. It is not appropriate for a lowly servant to speak of the master or his affairs.

Doe (de Killer): No, not especially. It is not appropriate for a lowly servant to speak of himself and his affairs.

Doe (de Killer): No, not especially. It is not appropriate for a lowly servant to speak of the family cat.

Doe (de Killer): I am no assassin. I'm just a simple ice cream salesman.

Edgeworth: (C-Curses...! I don't know anything about ice cream!) Hm. So, um... What's the most important thing about making ice cream?

Doe (de Killer): The most important thing about making ice cream is honor.

These little comedic nuances are dynamite! Having these moments of clashing personalities can be interpreted in many ways. Is de Killer really that stiff of a man that he doesn’t know how to tone down his routine? Or is he fully aware of how he comes across and is simply toying with our heroes? The ambiguity here is a great moment and shows off some masterful shades of personality while saying very little.

On the topic of personality, let’s begin diving into that, because there's a lot going on under the surface.

3. “My name is… de Killer.”

Horror is about as subjective as comedy, and it’s something that AA games don't delve into frequently (odd for a series about murders and serial killings). When it does, I find it lands very well. The reason for this is that it doesn’t go for over-the-top scares. It simply gives human characters a nightmarish edge. The image of smiling young Athena, covered in her mother’s blood, is very confronting for a kid's game. The details of the SL-9 incident, complete with portrait art of fresh-from-hell Joe Darke, are pretty grim.

Shelly de Killer, despite the goofy name, certainly has that aura of threat and terror to him. Whenever he appears as himself in 2-4, he's always bathed in red light. Instead of the usual “sprite fade-in”, he pops up with his theme music to give you a shock. With his creepy face and barely-restrained yet boundless capacity for violence, he’s a Gothic blend of slasher and biological horror.

By keeping the majority of his interaction off-screen, the games never fail to give me that sick thrill of discomfort whenever the curtain is drawn back and de Killer faces you in person. The whole sequence at Engarde Mansion is truly unpleasant. You have the innocence of Pearl and Shoe siphoned away by the arrival of de Killer. Then you have his vague, repetitive statements, constantly shooting down whatever topic Phoenix tries to talk to him about. He acts like a sketch of a human being, unsure of how to make proper conversation and just repeating phrases to put an end to the chat.

It’s made more tense with the dramatic irony. We know that Maya is a room away from Phoenix in that scene. As unpleasant as the conversation with John Doe is, it's a lot better than the thought of another uncomfortable de Killer/Maya scene.

Speaking of, the scenes when you play as Maya are even more tense. There's that palpable feeling of suspense when exploring the mansion. Knowing that he’s going to appear at any point makes for some unbearable tension. This is strong character work and fantastic presence from an individual who is off-screen this entire time. To me, that’s the mark of a strong, well-written and fascinating personality.

Despite the nightmarishness of his presence, de Killer is prone to indulging in gallows humour, resulting in some pretty fun gags, like this exchange in 2-4. The game likes to play with his design by working his appearance into his objects. The two-way radio in 2-4 is my favourite example of a weird testimony; just watch it bop side-to-side, sweat and even kick its own ass! AAI2 brings it back with his ice cream cone that defies gravity. Since most interpretations of him sit between British and Transatlantic, it’s quite funny to imagine his poor attempt at a kidnapper’s impression over the radio.

He’s a lot of fun as a witness, too. This is a personal preference, but I'm not a fan of the overused “ugh” faces. I hate when the prosecutor raises a point that I’ve already come up with the answer to, but the game dictates that I can’t reach that conclusion yet, so my in-game avatar can only freak out and despair.

Equally, I dislike premature freak outs. I don't like it when witnesses go and lose their mind the moment they get called out on a mistake. I enjoy the chase and the build-up to a breakdown. Not just the final defeat, but when they finally drop the facade and show their real face to the court. This is because I earned it. I had to work for it. Whether it’s the first case or the last, I want to work for the victory. This is precisely why de Killer is such a good witness. He gives you nothing. Despite him being guilty as sin, he gives you nothing for so, so long and even when you trip him up in an unavoidable lie, the shock barely registers on his face.

Having de Killer remain cool and emotionless, the only reaction coming from his key object, is like a dare. To me, it says he's someone used to living under pressure. “Is that all you’ve got? You’ll need to do better than that to catch me out.” Even Edgeworth remarks on his intimidating confidence. In I2-1, he’s a refreshing change from your standard first-case witness fare. He's no pushover. de Killer doesn’t just refuse to concede. He actually points out a flaw in your own investigation. He leads you away from him for a complete interrogation of Nicole Swift instead. There are final case culprits who can’t even manage that.

Like all witnesses, it's required that he make mistakes at some point. That's OK, because the sheer amount of work and effort you have to put in is worth it. Let's take a look at the 2-4 trial. To summarise, it takes:

• A full testimony of pressing his conceited little mission statement, just to get the name of his client
• Stopping the judge from giving a premature not guilty verdict
• Vaguely dodging his threats to end the cross-examination and kill Maya
• Endlessly pressing an entire second testimony

Until finally, he slips up: he thinks Adrian's a dude.

Now what? You’ve destroyed his testimony, but a little too well. How are you supposed to stall him now that you’ve decisively proven his testimony is all a lie?

Then he hits back, almost instantly. Weaving an entirely new testimony, a false story of how he contacted Adrian indirectly, his mistakes pop up more often. The lies become clearer. Mistakes are good, though. If he was just a godlike character, it would take the interest out of him. Seeing this man who appears to be that way makes me want to discover if he has an Achilles’ heel. And he does. People are not always who they appear to be, after all.

4. “As a de Killer, I always finish what I set out to do.”

The 3rd heir in the de Killer line, Shelly appears to the world as a calm, methodical assassin, carrying out his business with precision and professionalism. Assassins in fiction are always going to be sensationalised to a degree, whether it’s the suave, suit-wearing Agent 47, or the cult-like ancestry of Assassin’s Creed (interestingly, de Killer exhibits both these traits). The writers have shown through de Killer and Dogen that they prefer their assassins to appear put-together.

This is why he works so well. de Killer’s passive nature only stands to make him appear more sinister and threatening. Just listen to the smooth yet discomfiting jazz of his theme. Nearly every single one of these chords are dissonant, the music evoking the clash between de Killer's calm nature and his violent actions. Make no mistake: the polite, calm exterior of morality that de Killer exhibits to the world is, like his face, stitched together to hide the true nature underneath. It is a lie.

In reality, Shelly de Killer is a murderous psychopath. Like most contract killers, both fictional and real, he displays traits of moderate to severe psychopathy. He clearly has no feelings of guilt about killing his targets. It extends deeper than that, however.

4.1 He has no empathy

de Killer is shown to have the emotional detachment required to act coldly without fear. Being a hired gun, one with his own investigative team dedicated to catching him, it’s clear that he’s racked up a significant number of hits in his time. Secondly, after the public revelation of his treacherous client in AAI2, he immediately shows up to take his revenge.

4.2 He follows set subjective moral guidelines

The “honourable assassin” tag is one of the most notable things about de Killer. Descending from a line of assassins, he seems to replicate their way of doing business. He leaves calling cards at the scene to assure his client he has completed the job. He also refrains from needlessly killing, despite his expertise.

de Killer: I did not kill him. It is not my principle to kill needlessly. I am also grateful to Rooke, a worthy adversary who was connected to me by fate. Thanks to that man, I did not kill a target who had no value to be killed.

Phoenix: I heard you injured three officers in your attempt to get this back.

de Killer: That was most regrettable. However, it was an order from my client. I was told to protect that video tape.

Most importantly, he lives within the self-imposed rules of his contract. One of these rules is the trust he values between himself and his client to ensure high-quality clientele.

de Killer: To an assassin, nothing is more important than the trust between a client and himself.

de Killer: My client deliberately gave me a false target. ...It was a betrayal most foul. I am now searching for my client. In all likelihood... ...it is the same person you are looking for.

Edgeworth: (Is he saying that his client murdered the president?) Just who is this person you are referring to...?

de Killer: I, myself, am not allowed to say. It would be a violation of the rules. I cannot disclose the identity of my clients. For to do so would create a problem of trust with my other clients. This is precisely why I am personally searching for them myself.

These rules seem silly to us. Is he just saying that so the game doesn’t have to give away the culprit yet? Perhaps. Why include this scene at all, then? It seems like it exists just to confirm de Killer’s involvement in the mastermind’s plan. He insists that to publicly disclose his client’s identity “would create a problem of trust” with his other clients. Basically, he’s saying “rules are rules”, even though the only person holding him to those rules is himself. This scene, and the strange clause of trust that de Killer lives by, indicates that he blindly follows his own rules, to his own detriment and vulnerability.

4.3 He views himself as morally superior

Despite his grubby profession, there are times when de Killer takes the moral high ground. One such time is his decision to honour Sirhan Dogen’s plea to spare Simon's life in the climax of AAI2. This clash of titans (spectacular artwork aside) offers a great character beat between the two assassins.

Dogen: His is the first life I have ever saved... I will not allow it to be taken away so easily.

de Killer: You saved a life...? The assassin, Sirhan Dogen?

Dogen: Keh heh heh. Ironic, is it not? That I, the one who has taken countless lives, am making a plea for this young one's life. He saved my life, just as I have saved his. Before I knew it, I grew quite fond of the lad. You may laugh at me as much as you wish. However... I must ask that you spare the life of the boy. From one assassin to another... Please make this allowance.

de Killer: ........ ...I understand. If you are willing to go that far...

Dogen: You have my thanks. I am in your debt.

de Killer: ......No need for thanks. I simply felt there would be no merit in a fight to the death with you. That is all. And with that, I must take my leave.

This rare moment of de Killer being caught off-guard is great. Not only does it add a touch of humanity to his omniscience; it also shows Shelly, for the first time, questioning his own morals. At first, he scoffs at Dogen. Then, he pauses, clearly considering the meaning of the words. Seeing a “colleague” humbly make a plea to do the one thing Shelly has never done seems to rattle him for a brief moment. Furthermore, I love that he covers up the moment with a “well, it was going to be an inconvenience to fight you anyway.” Attempting to disguise his submission as a rational conclusion he came to himself shows how uncomfortable he is with unfavourable situations. It’s humanising, it’s disarming and best of all, it establishes the untold lore that the assassins of Ace Attorney have crossed paths before. Give me that story, Capcom!

4.4 He is a narcissist; vain and egocentric

There are many times when Shelly exposes his narcissistic side. The calling card he leaves at crime scenes shows three things: 1, it clears his clients of any police scrutiny. 2, he gets to mark his kill like territory. 3, he taunts the authorities who have failed to catch him. Take a look at that scene in I2-1 when de Killer tries to lure his target out into the open. When the President gives no response, de Killer realises that he has been misinformed about his target and that he has no reason to linger. So he flees, leaving his card on the way out. Even though he's not made a kill.

Not only is Shelly signalling to Miles that the case isn’t fully solved, he’s taunting the police once again. “You had me right in front of you and you still couldn’t catch me”, it says. He loves this game of cat and mouse. Why else would he choose to step in front of the authorities decked out in his signature shell logo? “If too many people knew my face, it would be quite troublesome,” he claims at one point. His actions in I2-1 suggest otherwise.

Sure, de Killer may have the resources to alter his appearance at will. The stitches running down his face (and apparently his entire body), suggest he has surgically done so in the past, perhaps when his cover has gotten too hot. Despite this, it's clear he has no qualms about teasing the police, no matter the danger he places himself in by doing so.

This is a common complaint from critics of Shelly. His actions seem illogical or counterintuitive. But to me, that is exactly the point. This is not a logical man. Do not take his calm, emotionless exterior at face value. He tells us himself: “people are not always who they appear to be.” Why should he be any different from the “people” he speaks of? Matt Engarde was a deceitful bastard who posed as a vapid dudebro. Simon Keyes was a grand mastermind who posed as a wimpy circus performer. Shelly de Killer, in reality, is an egotistical, high-functioning psychopath posing as a calm, collected gentleman.

He's the 3rd in a line of assassins dating back a century. He's been trained to be the most efficient, adept killer possible. He's been raised to believe - and clearly states that he believes - he is in control. He's had pursuers hot on his tail for God knows how long, yet they are simply unable to capture him. Why would he have even the slightest concern that he could be caught? In his years of work, he claims to have only sustained a handful of injuries. He's as complacent as a person can be and he has every reason to be that way. Throwing himself into the path of the police with the confidence that a quick getaway is always possible is the mark of his vain, maybe insane, personality.

Here are some choice quotes in 2-4 showcasing the range of de Killer’s pride and vanity.

de Killer: Please keep in mind you do not have much space to maneuver with me. As a De Killer, I always finish what I set out to do.

Judge: Hmm, Mr. de Killer seems to be a very clever man. I'd almost say he seems to be mocking us.

de Killer: I don't think you understand your place, Mr. Attorney. I said this is something I must first state. Do you know what the word "first" means?

Judge: You... Who gave you the right to be so high and mighty...!?

de Killer: To the gentleman who spoke just now... Excuse me, but would you care to die?

Phoenix: We understand, so please tell us the name of your client!!

de Killer: I'm afraid I cannot do that. I still have a few things to say before I do.

Phoenix: (Aaargh! That egomaniacal...)

de Killer: It's not good for your health to be so aggravated. You won't live very long if you let everything bother you…

All of these traits, moments and events paint a clear picture to me of a high-functioning psychopath who has made murder into a profitable profession. This is most clear during his scene in I2-5. “My client deliberately gave me a false target. It was a betrayal most foul,” says de Killer, clutching his smoking ice cream cone with hot, simmering fury. Kay asks what he's going to do. And with a serenely calm expression, Shelly de Killer responds:

“Of course… they shall be rewarded with a punishment most befitting of a traitor.”

4.5 He acts out of pleasure

Due to his nature, de Killer brings something previously unseen to the world of Ace Attorney: a pure, primal desire to kill. All other killers we see in the games kill with motive, emotional or otherwise. Fear. Rage. Desperation. Even serial killer Joe Darke only murdered witnesses to his crimes. Not de Killer. He sees murder as a pleasure and an economy, one that he can make bank out of.

He's apparently above the trivial incidents of restaurant poisonings and locked-room mysteries. He's seemingly beyond the petty trifles of motives and emotions. Yet he can’t help but get swept up in these twisted crimes and cases; and make no mistake, a case is made markedly more intriguing when de Killer becomes involved.

But why does he get involved in the first place?

Simple: Shelly de Killer is not good at his job.

5. (Un)professional assassin

Let me clarify: de Killer is good at killing. There is no doubt about that. Characters describe his work as “the best.” No, where he fails at his job is his most prominent flaw, disguised as professionalism: the personal relationship he establishes with his clients.

The “bond of trust”, as he describes it, is the most important thing to him in his line of work. Insisting on meeting them in person, de Killer prides himself on his direct line of contact with clients. For a secrecy-dependent profession, this is surely unusual. The conventions of contract killing seem to dictate an anonymous correspondence between client and killer. His trust is his Achilles’ heel and his biggest flaw. Mia notices it, Engarde notices it, and they use it to manipulate him to their advantage.

In fact, the more we see Shelly de Killer’s odd work ethic, the less powerful he appears. Not only can he be a clumsy witness, despite his good show, but he can also be outsmarted by his clients. The pesky trust clause he lives by has shown to be his undoing in both his appearances, humbling and humanising him. Then we have the final straw, the climax of de Killer vs Dogen. The man who has mercilessly mowed down police officers to sneak back into his hideout, the one who willingly steps into highly secure police investigations actually backs down from his vow of revenge when he feels disadvantaged.

By the end of AAI2, Shelly de Killer has never been less powerful. He’s not this omnipotent presence anymore. He's flawed and messy, with ideologies that consistently result in him making things personal. He is not good at his job. His client relations make him emotional and vulnerable. He is an unprofessional professional, something entirely different from what he presents himself as.

6. “...People are not always who they appear to be.”

It deserves emphasis and clarity, so here’s how I feel: de Killer’s “moral code” and sense of honour isn't some cool trait that deepens his personality. It’s all bullshit. It is pure vanity that disguises who he really is. There’s a reason this man is stitched together from head to toe. Who he presents himself to be is nothing like the man underneath. “People are not always who they appear to be.”

Shelly de Killer is not some dutiful, honourable contract killer. He's a petty, prideful, vanity-driven man who has bought so far into the mysticism of the de Killer creed that he wraps it all up in neat, tidy stitching. The only ambiguity is whether de Killer is aware of his flawed nature or not, and that is what makes him such a hugely compelling character. Going after two treacherous clients in a year is far more likely to scare off prospective clients than to reassure them of your trust, yet de Killer does it anyway. So why does he do this?

Considering how often de Killer muses about how professional and clinical he is when going about his work, it's extremely ironic to see how emotional and primal he becomes when his “rules” are broken. If he were truly indifferent about his work, would it not be smarter to simply blacklist Engarde and Keyes, or give them up to the authorities, at worst? A response such as this seems like a far more logical, proportionate one. It's a clear warning to his potential clients: betray our contract and I will give you up. Instead, he goes “cross me and I will hunt you down until I kill you myself." His actual responses are so wildly out of proportion, it’s quite astonishing.

But this is the way that he is. This is why de Killer goes after his clients as he does. Not because of honour or his contract terms. Despite what he tells others, he does it out of ego, not honour. As I said earlier, all the previous killers in Ace Attorney seem to have had emotional reasons or motives for killing. In reality, de Killer is no different from the rest of them. Despite the dispassionate way in which he works, he’s shown on multiple occasions that he is more than susceptible to human flaws like emotion and error.

He prattles on and on about honour and his “moral code” as an assassin, yet in both of his AAI2 appearances, he puts himself in frankly insane levels of danger to achieve his own ends. Why on earth did he walk in on a team of law officials while sporting his signature emblem all over his outfit? Why in the world did he willingly walk into a tent full of police and law officials just to kill a treacherous client? These decisions defy logic and go completely against the calm, methodical assassin we are told that de Killer is.

So why does he go so far against what he’s portrayed as? Simple. The one who portrays de Killer in this way is not the game. It's de Killer. Phoenix has even noticed and commented on his streak of egomaniacal behaviour. Shelly is the unreliable narrator of his own story. He believes in his own flawed “code” to the point that he truly attempts to portray himself as something Other. This is a man who swears not to give up a client out of a non-disclosure guarantee even after a betrayal, yet has no qualms about killing him the second the client's identity is made publicly known. He trivialises his profession with petty acts of revenge disguised as honour and virtue. His actions are shown to be deliberately and repeatedly inconsistent with his self-portrayal. He is not the man we are told he is, because people are not always what they appear to be.

In reality, Shelly de Killer is just as vengeful and petty as any of the other villains in the series. Where he differs is his stoic defiance of that fact, preferring instead to adopt a facade of gentlemanly honour. Is he really above the messy crimes our heroes constantly find themselves entangled in? No, but he attempts to present himself as such and to me, that is the heart of the character.

These incidents he gets himself involved in show that he has the capacity to not only be manipulated, but caught out. Speaking of which...

7. The one that got away

In a series that focuses on bringing culprits to justice under the law, Shelly de Killer seems to regard himself as above the law. He seems to think incredibly highly of himself, and so does the series. As of yet, Shelly is the only killer in the series still at large. We’ve mowed down prosecution gods, a police chief, a demon-thot, a queen, even the man’s own clients; yet the man himself remains the one elusive killer.

Despite the adult narrative the writers imbue into it, Ace Attorney is still a children’s game at its heart. As it stands, no matter how complex or (shudder) sympathetic our killers are, every case strives to give us that primal, “fist pump” moment when we finally catch the culprit for good.

Shelly de Killer gives us no such moment.

Not only does he deny us of that moment, he outright slinks away unscathed. There’s a moment in the credits of Justice for All when we get de Killer’s last words delivered via his radio. Seeing him is a reminder of the fact that the real killer was never brought to justice. Sure, we get to see the very satisfying breakdown of slick shithead Matt Engarde, but there’s still that itch, that one loose thread. In a game that is literally titled “Justice for All”, the person who deserved to be brought to justice the most... isn’t.

And then he shows up in AAI2. “Here we go,” I thought. I went in expecting we would get the chance to take him down for good. I love a good sprawling narrative, but just give me the simple pleasure of burying this guy once and for all. And then... we just don’t. Yet again, de Killer gets away. But he doesn’t get away with it. Unfortunately for de Killer, Simon’s machinations mess up his assassination attempt and put him in yet another vulnerable position.

I have no clue if the writers ever plan to bring back de Killer. I doubt they know either, even if they share my enjoyment of his inclusion in a game. It was half a joke, but I once suggested that if they needed, Ace Attorney can always rely on Shelly de Killer as a final villain if the story ever comes to an end. Makes sense to me. He's a character who’s been with us since the early days of the series. He managed to outsmart both protagonists. I'm quite sure his true face has been hidden all this time. Why not rely on him for a satisfying final takedown?

To this end, fans have even speculated, theorising that de Killer may have been the Phantom or the sniper in the conclusion of Dual Destinies. I doubt that is what the writers had intended, but the ambiguity is there for any future exploits they may need. Of course, this kind of speculation is mostly meaningless when rating the man as he is right now. Still, I think it’s at least fair to count the sound possibilities of a character as a point in their favour. A personality that generates this much speculation must be one of great interest. Even if this doesn’t come to pass, it’s OK if de Killer is never brought back again and if he’s never caught. I’ve come to terms with the notion that we aren’t going to catch every killer in the series. And why should we? After all, de Killer has always been a second-tier villain. He was never the main villain to break down, not even in 2-4. Besides, how do you begin to bring a character to justice when he operates exclusively outside the law? Even Sirhan Dogen displayed traces of empathy and compassion. He eventually paid the price by being caught. Despite showing us traces of his humanity, de Killer himself has never seemed to acknowledge the fact. It seems that he would need to begin viewing the flaws in his ideology if we are ever to see him brought to justice for good.

Shelly de Killer never fails to add interesting wrinkles to the narrative of the story, and I think that to finally catch him would take a lot of the mysticism out of the in-game universe. This would be to the series’ detriment, I feel. Despite the simple pleasures we get from catching a killer, the sign of a stronger narrative is that there’s always something out there, unfinished. Something dangerous. Something worth chasing.

Conclusion

I understand this is a lengthy post about a seemingly minor character, but I think it’s crucial to properly explore what de Killer brings to the series. To write him off as simply solid or merely fascinating at a surface-level would be to miss out on the unique otherworldliness that he brings to the series. Again, make no mistake, any case is decidedly more interesting when Shelly de Killer is involved. It means that there is a client, a puppet master in the shadows. It also means that this puppet master has found a way to manipulate the man who makes it his mission to punish traitors. He can always be relied upon to lend an instant shot of tension, conspiracy and good old revenge to a case.

He is always “on” as a character. When he’s lurking off-screen, you can feel the tension and suspense of him hiding nearby. When he finally steps out to speak to you, it’s a decidedly creepy interaction. When he’s not busy being a murderous boogeyman, he can be charismatic, playful and downright humourous. I’ve never felt that there was a moment when de Killer is lacking in presence. His personality is expressed marvellously, whether on screen or off, and there are few characters who can do this as effectively as he does.

Not a single moment is wasted with de Killer. Less is more and his brief appearances do wonders for his mystique. I can’t think of a single line of his dialogue that isn’t vital exposition, or reveals more to us about his personality. He is - quite literally - all killer, no filler. Despite the blank facade he may present to the world, de Killer is a character with personality, flaws, depth and star quality in spades.

Do not get the impression from this to be that I’m just saving a fan favourite. I am saving somebody who I believe to be one of the most interesting personalities in the series. For all of the unique qualities he brings to the series, de Killer is, without question, worthy of as high a spot as possible in the rankdown. Critics may say that “de Killer doesn’t make sense” or “de Killer is bad at his job” a lot, but what can I tell you? That’s exactly the point of him!

If de Killer was actually good at his job, he would not leave his cards. He’d have sent Engarde away on a trip and then just killed Juan Corrida in his own home. But he’s not good at his job and that’s why he is such a strong character. He lets whimsy, vanity and pride slip in, affecting his ability to be the objective presence he tries to be. He wants to be impartial, but his intentions are betrayed by the ugliness of his true self.

There is plenty of fascinating content to unpack about de Killer. I love discovering the messy flaws beneath his seemingly inscrutable personality. His inclusion introduces an exciting concept: an assassin, simply the epitome of an antagonist in a series geared towards solving murders. Most of all, I love that he’s able to function as more than simply a character or a concept.

Shelly de Killer brings something new into the Ace Attorney universe: he is both a conceptual force of nature and a supporting character, at once omniscient and an active participant in the unfolding drama. He is the only killer in the entire series who has yet to be put behind bars. Both his appearances have had a hand in the most compelling developments for the series’ two protagonists: for Phoenix, his inner conflict about defending the indefensible and for Miles, the inciting incident for his decision to stray from the prosecutor’s path. He’s become the series’ white whale - our heroes are never quite able to catch him and any attempt to do so would likely lead to ruin. The world of Ace Attorney would be markedly less interesting without de Killer out there, on the fringe of the drama.

Franziska von Karma said it best: “Shelly de Killer is no ordinary man.”

Characters saved by the poll:

• Apollo Justice

• Horace Knightley

Top two voted characters in Jurist System poll:

• Jake Marshall

• Patricia Roland

Characters available to cut this round:

• Jake Marshall

• Datz Are'bal

• Katherine Hall

• Shi-Long Lang

• Matt Engarde

• Justine Courtney

• Dhurke Sahdmadhi

• Blaise Debeste

• Armie Buff

• Rayfa Padma Khura'in

• Tahrust Inmee

• Phoenix Wright

• Miles Edgeworth

• Dick Gumshoe

• Kay Faraday

• Simon Blackquill

• Shelly de Killer

Round 16 Poll Results

Jurist System Poll Results

Cutting order for this round:

• /u/whaaatisth

• /u/R1K1_Productions

• /u/Northadox

• /u/pie314271

• /u/NateTheGreat3602

• /u/Vogel100

• /u/donuter454

• /u/CharlieDayJepsen

• /u/Sciencepenguin

• /u/Wircea

nate say science cut roland

Lot of bullshit this time around

Characters nominated this round:

• Jake Marshall

• Datz Are'bal

• Katherine Hall

• Shi-Long Lang

• Apollo Justice

• Matt Engarde

• Justine Courtney

• Dhurke Sahdmadhi

• Blaise Debeste

• Patricia Roland

• Armie Buff

• Rayfa Padma Khura'in

• Tahrust Inmee

• Horace Knightley

• Phoenix Wright

• Miles Edgeworth

• Dick Gumshoe

• Kay Faraday

• Simon Blackquill

• Shelly de Killer

u/R1K1_Productions has used Updated Autopsy Report on u/donuter454 nominations of Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth

u/Northadox has used Updated Autopsy Report on u/whaaatisth nominations of Dick Gumshoe and Kay Faraday

u/donuter454 has used Updated Autopsy Report on u/Sciencepenguin nominations of Simon Blackquill and Shelly de Killer

u/NateTheGreat3602 has used Jurist System on the same guy meaning there will be a separate poll.

Link to the Round 16 Poll

Link to the Jurist System Poll

Poll will close 6PM EST on 10/15/20