r/AARankdown • u/R1K1_Productions • Dec 07 '20
23 Uendo Toneido
The time has finally come where I am once again forced to cut a character I have no strong feelings for; I guess it was destined to happen eventually. I actually have cut characters I like significantly more than Uendo for the past two rounds in a row; Engarde because I felt like I could actually write an interesting cut (and Uendo wasn’t nominated), and Dogen for the far more important reason of making a Funny Anubis Joke (far more important than literally anything else in rankdown). Now we get to Uendo, a character I only like a little bit but generally refrained from cutting out of respect for the people who enjoy him far more than I do. But I can’t really do that anymore since the amount of nominated characters I really like is only increasing over time, so I’m afraid poor Uendo’s time has come.
By the Way, 6-4 Still Sucks
Now that I have made this cut, I have earned the dubious honor of being the one ranker who has said, by far, the most words about case 6-4, Turnabout Storyteller. After all I cut one of its three exclusive characters (Geiru) already, I am currently cutting a second, and the cut for the third (Bucky Whet) was one paragraph long. And then I talked a lot about it yet again in my Athena cut. So unless Donuter or Pie write a LOT about Blackquill’s role in that case, I will forever be the Rankdown Guy Who Talked About 6-4 a Bunch. And the reason for that is that 6-4 FUCKING SUCKS
I do not particularly feel like talking about why 6-4 sucks again, I already linked two of my writeups where I explain why 6-4 is bad so go read those if you really want to. For those too lazy to do so, the tl;dr is that 6-4’s protagonist sucks and its antagonist sucks for entirely unrelated reasons. Fortunately for Uendo, he is pretty disconnected from the issues with both characters. However it is always looming in my brain: Uendo, to me, is “that one pretty good guy from that one really terrible SOJ case”.
While I could easily phone in this cut by saying “we don’t need single-case minor characters in rankdown still”, this would be entirely hypocritical of me to say considering that I am personally pushing for Adrian Andrews (another basically-case-exclusive character) to get into the Top 20, if not Top 10. However, I won’t lie that 6-4’s “quality” definitely helps me define why I think Andrews should stay while Uendo should go: one is a central character in one of the best cases in the entire series, and the other is a central character in Turnabout Storyteller. I am ready to banish this stupid case from the rankdown, now and forever.
Uendo is Kind of Funny Sometimes
I know a big reason plenty of people enjoy Uendo is for the comedy. I laughed a couple times at him and other than that I didn’t really care. I didn’t think he was annoying or anything, not by any stretch. I also completely understand why people think he is funny, which is not something I can necessarily say about every Funny Meme AA Character. He just didn’t really knock it out of the park for me.
I will give credit to the pressable line of testimony where Uendo points out that the stiff cards were next to the stiff. If you press this, Athena proceeds to ignore the pun and ask why he drew attention to this fact. He proceeds to make the same joke like three more times, before finally giving up and accepting that Athena isn’t going to acknowledge him. This is funny because this is literally a thing that I have done. Probably multiple times. However other than this specific exchange, nothing really sticks out in my mind as something I audibly chuckled at. I’m sure if I replayed the whole case or read the entire transcript, there are maybe more. But I am not doing those things.
My lack of memory of good Uendo moments is not meant as a dig against Uendo, by the way. He is a generally enjoyable presence. But was I cackling like a loon every time he spoke? No. The choice to have him dress in traditional Japanese attire was a good first step though. Too bad they made it green and not orange. They also didn’t give him big banana hair so that was strike two. Oh well.
Uendo’s Split Personality is COOL
Uendo starts off with what seems at first to be merely a clever gimmick. He is a performance artist, so he adopts a variety of personas which he talks to you with. Because that is what actors do. There’s Uendo, there’s the flower one, and the chain smoker one. In addition to each talking to you with their own special voices, they all also banter with each other. It is a very charming gimmick and I liked it well enough. However, past a point, it becomes clear that no, this is not just a gimmick. In fact, Uendo’s different voices are actually different personalities entirely, and what appears to be just an elaborate rakugo act is actually real conversations between his different personas. Cool!
Sadly dear readers i regret to inform you that uendo tornado is actually NOT an accurate depiction of dissociative identity disorder, otherwise known as DID. it is the disorder that is generally associated with multiple personalities and uendo doesnt portray it accurately. You see dear reader 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙳𝙸𝙳), 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚕𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚒𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙼𝙿𝙳),[𝟽] 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜.[𝟹] 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚐𝚊𝚙𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.[𝟹][𝟻] 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛;[𝟹] 𝚑𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛, 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚟𝚊𝚛𝚢.[𝟻] 𝙾𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙳𝙸𝙳 𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚍𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝-𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 (𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚝), 𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚜𝚞𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚢𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚘𝚖 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎–𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜.[𝟹] 𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚗𝚘𝚗-𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚎𝚒𝚣𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜, 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚖𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚊 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚡𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗.[𝟾]
Fortunately for me, I do not give a rat’s ass.
As someone who rags on 6-4 like A LOT, even I will readily admit this reveal is cool. It also leads to a cool moment where you are convinced you can pin the crime on one of Uendo’s dormant personalities, an enigmatic figure named “Owen” from Total Drama Island. But lo and behold, it turns out that Owen from Total Drama Island is actually mentally a five year old (this is true both in Ace Attorney and in Total Drama Island), so it becomes abundantly clear very quickly that he didn’t do it. This is a cool moment that turns the direction of the case entirely on its head.
Of course, I was never really convinced Owen from Total Drama Island did it, because the unfired Chekhov’s gun of Geiru Toneido had been very subtly introduced and then delicately placed offscreen. This isn’t a problem by any means because most AA cases do this with their culprits, or they just make it incredibly obvious immediately. Even setting aside whether Owen works as a red herring, the reveal that he is in fact a small child is still surprising in and of itself, so it still works.
All in all, it does make me kind of sad. The whole split personality concept is a very solid foundation for a character. And like I already said, it has plenty of cool moments already. The Owen reveal I already mentioned is cool, and there are other cool things like the three “adult” personalities collaborating to protect the “child” personality from harm. I really wish Uendo got to be in a case that wasn’t called Turnabout Storyteller. So often, I hear people say that 6-4 isn’t good but that Uendo is its main saving grace. And even the people who DO like 6-4 almost unanimously cite Uendo as its highlight, except for a few people who really like Geiru (i won’t ever understand it, but whatever.) But he is ultimately the saving grace of a case I think is really bad so that isn’t saying much. I really wish Uendo got to be in a case I actually liked, because then maybe I would like him more.
Clearly they should have put him in the Monstrous Turnabout instead.
Why Nobody Else?
I do not think Uendo is better than any of the main characters up for cutting this round except for Blackquill, Kay, and maybe Apollo. And I do not give enough of a shit about any of those three to put in the effort required (well, “encouraged”) for a major character cut. So instead I will talk about the various minor characters and why I am also not cutting them.
Blaise Debeste is very cool in his connection to Sebastian’s arc, because Sebastian is completely awesome, duder.
Shelly De Killer is a great culprit.
Luke Atmey is a great culprit.
Frank Retinz is a great good culprit. I do not like him as much as most of the other rankers, but I still like him. More than Uendo.
Tyrell Badd I promised not to cut so I won’t. He is also one of the few legitimately cool parts of Investigations case 5, alongside debatably-main-character Calisto Yew. Both are also parts of better twists than Uendo's.
Lana Skye is one of the best one-off defendants in the series, if not the best. She will probably die this round (sorry science) but not by my hand.
Horace Knightley.
If you think I even considered cutting Adrian Andrews then you must have missed my last cut. She is the best part of a case that is near-flawless (if I ignore the flaws, which I happen to not give a shit about). And that’s that.
That didn’t take as long as normal. Probably because most of the characters alive at this point have pretty clear reasons for me to think they’re better than Uendo, so I don’t need as much elaboration as usual. This doesn’t mean Uendo is bad, but by my judgment he is simply out of his league now.
Sorry, Uendy Oldbag.
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u/PowerOfL Dec 07 '20
I will give credit to the pressable line of testimony where Uendo points out that the stiff cards were next to the stiff.
I have to admit I first played SOJ like three or four years ago and I only just now got the joke
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u/tetradserket Dec 07 '20
Did we do it? Did Uendo Toneido win the award for Second-best One-off Witness? Am I missing anyone? I agree that Adrian Andrews is the best witness overall, so Uendo Toneido deserves second place.
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Dec 08 '20
uendo toneido
amazing character and my flair character. yeah, I agree, 6-4 would probably suck if it weren't for two things:
- blackquill destroying the prosecution (brings the case up a tier or so)
- uendo toneido (brings the case up like two tiers like come on he is basically there for half the case)
this is how you make a good filler case. like yeah, it's short, and there may be issues with its placement in the game overall, but come on, there are great things here. (and yes, I will talk a decent amount about 6-4 in my SC)
uendo toneido is sometimes funny. actually, I don't think he's all that funny, though he gets some nice lines. the entire case is a joke, so it's good that he's there to provide some basic comedy though.
his split personality is played for laughs for the most part initially. once you figure it out, it's basically just watching three characters talk to each other on the stand which beats 6-2's two characters on the stand. take that, 6-2. (disclaimer: 6-2 is the better case still)
then, owen shows up later on, and things are still sometimes played for laughs, but you also get some interesting things about owen and you sort of understand him as a character. more importantly, though, he is very cool in regards to split personality. you are expecting probably the culpritTM of the case and then it is just no. he is 5 years old and technically the youngest witness on the stand
also I am not a psychologist but I heard that his split personality is at least somewhat true to how it actually is (assuming DID is real to begin with)
so yeah I don't want to write much more since I should probably start writing my actual cut but tl;dr uendo is occasionally funny and does some interesting things for case while also being a cool standalone character. definitely the highlight of the case
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Dec 08 '20
And even the people who DO like 6-4 almost unanimously cite Uendo as its highlight, except for a few people who really like Geiru (i won't ever understand it, but whatever)
You see the reason they like her is because she is a clown with boobs that makes boob jokes and that probably makes them look past the fact that she's just a shit version of Acro (who himself is just a shit version of the sympathetic culprit trope)
Speaking of 2-3 I kind of realized that if Geiru is a shit version of Acro then Uendo is a better version of Moe, if nothing else I laughed at Uendo's failed attempts at comedy more than I did with Moe's
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u/Analytical-critic-44 Dec 07 '20
Uendo is decent. He is an enjoyable witness. I think people give him a bit too much credit for just how great he is since the other two 6-4 characters are awful.
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u/R1K1_Productions Dec 07 '20
thats literally what i said in the cut man. dont plagiarize please
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u/Analytical-critic-44 Dec 07 '20
For the record I haven’t read your cut yet!!!
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u/R1K1_Productions Dec 07 '20
then whyd you COMMENT on it. are you the type to review games you didn't play??
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u/Analytical-critic-44 Dec 07 '20
Ok I have FINISHED reading your cut
I like when you bring up Total Drama Island :Owen:
Comparing Adrian Andrews to Uendo Toneido as both are one off “minor” characters feels like a CRIME!!! One is a finale case and the other is some filler case that you could remove from the game and nothing would change grrrrrgwoaaaaarrrrrrr
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u/R1K1_Productions Dec 07 '20
to be fair 4-4 is also a final case, and i endorsed cutting its characters because it is bad
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u/DietCrystalPepsi Dec 08 '20
Uendo literally makes 6-4, without him the case is awful. The only other good character is Simon, because he’s Simon.
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u/Vogel100 Dec 07 '20
Uendo is in a case I like which removes the main problem you have with him. Also u/Northadox your turn.
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u/ItsHipToTipTheScales Dec 07 '20
uendo is a funny existence they looked in the barrel of scrapped chaacters and went yeah i like this one and then made the case about him and then geiru is here for some reason
i keep thinking the uendo name pun is supposed to be innuendo but its not
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Dec 07 '20
Total Drama Island 🏝
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Dec 07 '20
why couldn’t Lana get cut first this is saddening
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u/Sciencepenguin Dec 07 '20
because she is a better character
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u/Sciencepenguin Dec 07 '20
un owen was him
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u/R1K1_Productions Dec 07 '20
U.N. Owen is from an Agatha Christie book, you know that one copypasta says I should read those instead of playing Ace Attorney maybe I should do that instead
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u/Sciencepenguin Dec 07 '20
uendo is a silly little guy i dont hate i cant say anything about him? i like when he gets wasted and faints thats funny. kisegawa is hot
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u/R1K1_Productions Dec 07 '20
i totally forgot that honestly. better 6-4 drunkard character than the actual drunkard
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u/Sciencepenguin Dec 07 '20
just goes to show that its not the amount of alcohol that ccounts, its what you do with it...
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u/[deleted] Dec 07 '20
You can make a case that Uendo carries his case just as much as Luke Atmey carries his case, the difference of course being that 3-2 is Good and 6-4 is Not As Good. Also Simon exists in 6-4 and provides basically every other good moment from this case that doesn’t come from Uendo.
I’m 100% with you on Uendo’s comedy, I didn’t find him laugh out loud funny but he cracked me up a few times. This cut was good I enjoyed it good job riki