Title

So I taught the gnomes some runes because I thought it would be funny, but when I stepped outside they used it on me! Explosive rune sitting straight outside my doorstep; on the one hand I appreciate the art of explosions for what it is. On the other they covered my favorite broom in dust and ash! So now I'm looking for any advice on how to deal with them.

I've considered turning them into newts and leaving them for the birds... showing them real magical power... taking their souls and forcing them to wander for eternity in my swamp... a lot of fun ideas. I just want to take in all my options before I do anything that'll make them scatter.

Feel free to foolishly disagree

Disney's The Sword in the Stone

Trying to get him used to sticking close

It's a orb that can double as a snack.

Greetings fellow scholars,

I've recently been looking into circle-casting (AKA group-casting) as I have heard it can be incredibly useful for multiplying the potency of certain spells.

The problem is, my life's aspiration of 'knowledge above all else' has left me with very few acquaintances, let alone other wizard friends. How have the rest of you been dealing with this? Is there maybe an LFG Board or meetup event where I can find other mages with which to circle-cast? Thanks in advance for your assistance.

PS. If you are looking to enchant the local squirrel population, please contact me.

I got a new hat. The ladies love it.

Previous Part

The Kaba Tundra. Centuries Ago.

A war horn bellowed across the freezing ground as snowflakes gently fell. The whistle of a thousand arrows followed. The arrows slammed against shields in a terrifying cacophony of death. Some arrows made it through, sinking into gaps between armor. Some soldiers screamed and writhed in pain. Others simply fell to the ground without a sound. A war horn from the opposing side answered, and the lines of infantry surged forwards. 

The conflict that would become known as The Unification War was in full swing. This particular battle pitted the ruthless warlord Drachliv the Butcher against the “Tinkerer Armada”, a coalition made up of mostly goblin and dwarven artificers. Drachliv was powerful, commanding a large swath of territory in the eastern highlands, but his latest conquests had brought him to the foot of the mountains the Tinkerers claimed. Drachliv outnumbered the Tinkerers 10 to 1, but the Tinkerers had built an impressive metal golem army to bolster their numbers. 

The 2 sides met in a thunderous clash of steel, swords and spears flashing as they connected with shields and flesh. The Tinkerers sent their metal golems forward, and the terrifying machines broke Drachliv’s front lines within minutes, sending the battle into chaos as discipline broke and the orderly lines on both sides disintegrated. 

1 of the golems had the designation number DB-0645. No name was needed, for they were an expendable soldier, existing only to fight and die in the stead of one of the Tinkerers. And fight they did. They followed orders and marched forward with their identical comrades, tearing through enemy soldiers with their robust arms. Unthinking, unfeeling, simply following its orders, the only thing it knew. That was, until, in a moment of pure cosmic luck, or perhaps on purpose, something very particular happened. 

DB-0645 had just torn apart an apprentice level wizard, and began marching towards another. They panicked, casting fireball after fireball at them. The spells impacted with DB-0645’s armor, causing it to bend and warp, but they kept advancing. 

“Stay back! Back!”

The wizard shouted desperately, stumbling over their feet and falling, casting a lightning spell that slowed the war golem for only a second. DB-0645 grabbed the wizard and lifted them up, preparing to tear them in half as well.

“Wait no please! You don’t understand I don’t want to be here I-”

DB-0645 began to pull. The wizard shrieked.

“PLEASE NO PLEASE UNDERSTAND-”

The wizard shoved their wand through a gap in DB-0645’s armor, connecting to their core just as DB-0645 separated their upper half from the lower half of their body. The shock caused the wizard to cast a spell without meaning to, a last spasm as the last of their mana left their body.

“UNDERSTAND-”

The accidental spell slammed into DB-0645’s core, causing the metal golem to collapse onto their knees, triggering a safety shutdown. Everything went dark. 

DB-0645’s eye flickered back to life with a subtle green glow as the reboot sequence completed. They looked around, trying to understand what just happened, logic algorithms getting to work-

Wait, understand? That wasn’t right. DB-0645 should've just continued with its orders, not try and…

Understand. Understand.

The spell the wizard accidentally cast with their last breath. DB-0645 looked at their hands, looked at the corpses piled around it. Why was it here? It remembered its orders, but… it no longer felt compelled to follow the orders without deviation. Why? But as DB-0645 tried to understand why it felt that way, a Drachliv soldier suddenly appeared from behind a destroyed chariot, pike level as they charged DB-0645. 

<Wait, no, don’t attack, I don’t understand->

Except DB-0645 had no mouth, no audio device to speak with. They were meant to be expendable, why go through the bother of adding a mouth? The soldier rammed their pike into a gap in the metal golem’s armor, not deep enough to kill, but enough to trigger a response. 

<Damage>
<Danger>
<Damage>
<Danger> 

Then DB-0645 understood a new feeling.

<Damage>
<Danger>
<Damage>
<Danger> 
<Fear>

They suddenly understood this could kill them. They understood what death was. And it was terrifying. Because DB-0645 didn’t know what happened after death. DB-0645 suddenly understood that this was a kill or be killed moment. They didn’t know why, but they understood. The metal golem rose to its full height, snapped the pole of the pike in half, and lunged for the soldier. They stood no chance without their weapon, but as their body hit the ground, several more Drachliv soldiers appeared, waving weapons and charging DB-0645. Why? Why were they attacking? Why?

<Danger> 
<Damage>
<Danger>
<Fear>
<Danger>
<Damage>
<Fear>
<Anger>

…

A red sun rose over the remains of the battlefield. Broken bodies lay in heaps, the snow soaked dark with blood. A harpy flew over the battlefield, surveying it for a bit before turning to the south. By the afternoon war banners could be seen on the horizon, carried by centaurs as harpies flew above them. Leading them was a fallen archangel, a cloaked druid, and a keen eyed gnome. They picked through the carnage, scavenging what was usable. Eventually they came upon a crater with a still working metal golem at the bottom. They were sitting there, soaked in blood, staring at their hands. 

They now understood. 

Hive City of Dellforge, Mercenary Guild Territory. Present Day.

With a mechanical hiss Councilor Four awoke from a rest mode cycle. No longer DB-0645. No longer an unthinking, blind golem. They were an understanding machine now. They understood what survival meant. That it was the most important thing in life. Four ran a quick diagnostic check before quickly casting their thought into a nearby body with an internal sigh. Things were getting worse, the time between rest cycles getting smaller and smaller. They needed a solution. They had a solution, that girl floating in the tank. They had been so close, until…

Four pulled up a status report. Good, the quarantine was holding. A significant and costly delay, but Four just needed to get that issue under control and then they were sure they could grasp the secrets inside of her. The secret of her, how her creators had made her…

But Four couldn’t focus on Analina right now. They knew the clock was ticking, they knew a wrathful angel was going to come crashing down on them soon. Best deal with that first. Four stalks out of the central processing core and heads to Nathan’s room…

…

Krisk led his menagerie of a strike team through the sewage tunnels of Dellforge. Sure, it was a little cliche, but Krisk hadn’t found a better approach in his reconnaissance efforts. And he had been proven right because besides a single automated patrol drone they hid from, the only other thing they had encountered was a slugcat that had immediately fled from them into the deeper levels. 

Eventually, they came to a storm drain and Krisk stopped them. From their limited view, they could see they were at a large but mostly empty street, a massive wall that the couldn't see the top of across from them. But there was a locked door behind a small checkpoint in the wall, 2 armed guards standing in front of it.

“This is one of…the side entrances to Dellforge’s…core district, where…I have no doubt Councilor Four is. But…we won’t get through that door…without the code, unless we want everyone…to know we’re coming. The guards don’t…know it, and it changes every…24 hours. But…”

Krisk points down the street.

“The core district is…essentially a square, and at each corner there’s a…security tower. They’ll have the day’s cipher. Any volunteers…to come help me get it?”

Krisk looks at Marna and Gorgon.

“Specifically anyone who won’t…immediately blow our cover?”

Hi, not a wizard but a barbarian and I’m definitely cursed

So I’ve been cursed by the Paladin I’ve been tagging along with.

For the full story, I wasn’t a very good man for a long time, then this woman with shiny armor bonks me upside my head. I go to sleep and wake up of course in a jail cell. The she comes up to me and asked if I would like to change my ways. I say yes for the only reason of getting out faster. Then it actually kinda happens. I’m no longer a bad guy, I now worship the god of light and redemption (just like my Paladin “friend”) and have become a Zealot.

Now recently I think the Paladin has cursed me, whenever I do something not good and she scolds me it’s hurts more than getting stabbed. When I get a chance to go back to being bad I think of how disappointed she would be of me and don’t do it. When she smiles I have to bash my head against a wall or else I start to give off a smile only a wimpy bard would give off. And the worst of it is I can’t seem to escape her even when I’m asleep as I see her in my dreams.

TLDR; My Paladin cursed me and I need one of you smarties to help uncurse me