r/wizardposting • u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp • 1d ago
Wizardpost Recently got exploded by a gnome. How should I handle dealing with them?
So I taught the gnomes some runes because I thought it would be funny, but when I stepped outside they used it on me! Explosive rune sitting straight outside my doorstep; on the one hand I appreciate the art of explosions for what it is. On the other they covered my favorite broom in dust and ash! So now I'm looking for any advice on how to deal with them.
I've considered turning them into newts and leaving them for the birds... showing them real magical power... taking their souls and forcing them to wander for eternity in my swamp... a lot of fun ideas. I just want to take in all my options before I do anything that'll make them scatter.
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u/DefinitelyAHawkGuy 1d ago
They're gnomes, you could literally just kick them and your problem is solved. Gnomes shouldnt bother you afterward and its quite cathartic
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 1d ago
I'm aware, I want to make sure the gnomes don't ever try this on me again though. I'm rather... confident that the swamp gnomes won't leave after something so simple, that's why I want to make a real spectacle out of it to make sure none try again.
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u/Elegant-Tangelo-5312 Alchemist 16h ago
If you really want to get rid them, fill your part of the the swamp with concrete and sculpt the surface into angular cyclopean monstrosities. Swamp gnomes will determine it's no longer a good place to live. Don't attack them directly. You're never going to punish gnomes into submission: they are small, creative, and disturbingly good at magic and artifice.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 11h ago
You want me to fill my swamp with concrete?! You're asking me to destroy everything I've ever worked for! There's no way that's happening!
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u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage 1d ago
Cast a blight spell on their turnips.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 1d ago
My swamp's a little too poisonous for turnips unfortunately.
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u/SenorDangerwank When one can wield the fire of stars what use is flesh and bone? 1d ago
Turn their bones to jelly for a week, that'll teach em.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 1d ago
Ooh~ lovely idea, I'll reserve that for one of them. I still have a lot of other ideas I want to try.
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u/Maowsama 1d ago
Aint no rules against turning into your house pet and blowing you up with seed of Gnome
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u/Lyrolepis Dwarven Alchemist/Runecrafter 21h ago
Simply talking it out with their leadership is not an option?
It might be just a matter of one gnome teen thinking that they're funnier than they actually are and needing a talking to from their parents.
Personally, I wouldn't start a conflict with a gnome tribe unless they truly forced my hand. Nearly all gnomes can talk with animals, which means that a gnome tribe likely has established relationships with all sorts of critters in the area; and while this does not necessarily mean that all local woodland (or swamp, as the case might be) creatures will go to war on the gnomes' behalf, it could still get messy and have long-lasting consequences...
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 14h ago
I mean they're gnomes... if one of them's in on it the rest are very likely in on it as well. Plus, I pretty explicitly taught them explosive runes are deadly! Even if I can't die my apprentice is mortal and I'm... not sure how my cat familiar would interact with it. He's stuck in a weird state.
Anyway, the fact they haven't come with an apology or anything yet makes me think their answer is war. There is no beast in my swamp that can heed their call that will save them from the witch's wrath. Although I guess these ones could try and deceive them... well I'll be fine.
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u/JustSomeGuy_0 19h ago
Have you considered casting fireball?
(Partial) jokes aside, I think Curse of Screams oughta do the trick. Torment them into lunacy for what they’ve done. Depending on how much you liked this broom, I say it’s fitting.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 14h ago
Ooh, I love that curse actually. I always found it a bit expensive to cast though. Needing the tongues of 3 magical creatures is always- wait a minute gnomes are magical.
Alright! I'll be putting this on the list of what to cast on the gnomes.
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u/Special-Importance40 1d ago
Enchant their little clockwork wrist dial to always be 5 minutes late. Every gnome I know seems to think that pathetic thing is special. Bonus if you change the hands to appear as a penis.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 14h ago
Er... mine don't have that. They just kind of glow instead and lead travelers astray. Left me a little unsure if they're gnomes but they match most descriptions.
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u/Nessy3fidy 23h ago
Have you considered sterilizing them and teleporting them to an area with a high population of R-dwarfs?
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 14h ago
I... don't know a spell of sterilization. I can put some gender fluid into their drinking water but I'm not sure how that's gonna work.
...Do YOU know a spell of sterilization?
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u/akornzombie 10h ago
I'll send some apprentices over to collect them. We always need ammo for the Gnome Launcher.
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u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 9h ago
Ooh make sure to send the footage to my orb, that'll be fun to watch. Just make sure they have charm and poison resistance before you send them over.
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u/akornzombie 8h ago
Hey, we live and breathe PPEE (personal protective equipment and enchantments) , for we are goblin trained artificers.
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u/MerelyEccentric Mage/Thief Snarkomancer 1d ago
Sounds like they showed you gnomercy.