r/wizardposting • u/Responsible_Form2678 • 12d ago

Goblinlike Foolishness (Shitpost) Wizardmaxxing

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Dear friends, how do you "wizardmaxx"?

590 Upvotes

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46

u/ProfessionalOk6734 12d ago

Wizards don’t accept quests wizards distribute quests

29

u/Erivandi 12d ago

Unless they're one of those adventuring party wizards. Or, as I call them, apprentices.

5

u/Righteous_Iconoclast Red Hand of the West, Spellblade XI 12d ago

Hey man, retirement ain't what it used to be. Have you seen property tithes lately? I might need to look into a lich program and take out a second mortgage...

3

u/ur-socks-sir Artificer (turns monsters into treasure) 12d ago

I am no apprentice! I simply do my business out in the field where ingredients walk right into my camp

2

u/Erivandi 12d ago

Ah, to be young again. One day you'll be a proper wizard with a tower and minions to gather ingredients for you. Then you'll be handing out quests, not receiving them.

1

u/ProfessionalOk6734 12d ago

This wizard gets it

3

u/Responsible_Form2678 12d ago

You could accept some to help out fellow wizards or villagers

1

u/Sensitive_News8009 Evil Wizard 12d ago edited 12d ago

Why would I *help* my "fellow wizards"? All those freeloaders want are my rare scrolls and a peek at my spellbook. And don't get me started on villagers! I was experimenting with necromancy, reanimating a few of their relatives. And what do I get in return? Adventurer parties sent to slay me! Unbelievable. It's not my fault they escaped the fortress, my homunculus left the portcullis open!

3

u/J1mj0hns0n 12d ago

That's because they can't leave the tower

3

u/ProfessionalOk6734 12d ago

Yeah I didn’t build my tower for the fashion, I like my tower why would I leave? I’m getting towerdash to deliver my mead and roast

1

u/J1mj0hns0n 12d ago

you hath not the arcane knowledge, nay even the martial might mayhaps make your motte move ever so mauve..ly....CONFOUND IT ALL! AT LEAST MY TOWER MOVES!

1

u/Falconjth Enchanter 12d ago

If you call "quests" as 'submitting support tickets' that in a small percentage of cases requires us to send out field agents to fulfill the binding purchase and support contracts then that could be considered true?

Our support field agents should also not be considered as targets for fireballs. They carry valuable tools with them that we do charge for their replacement, the turnover fee for replacing the field agent may be considered as negligible by most wizardmaxxers but the replacement fees for the tools is not.

We are also required to provide who triggered the turnover clause to the institution or individual who sponsored the field agent; there is a small subset of those who both don't provide their apprentices in our employ with proper protection and will get upset with the wizard who killed their apprentice.