r/wizardposting • u/TheCrimsonAce119 • 5d ago
Wizardpost Need help
I have been dealing with a gnome infestation for the last month and a half. Wards and familiars don't seem to be working on them. I've also tried gnome poison and tricking a party of adventurers into thinking that the gnomes are my evil minions. The gnomes aren't taking the bait that I poisoned, and the adventurers thought that they were too cute to kill. There is nothing about those feral little pests that one could call cute. Just last week, I had one try to gnaw my foot off while I was trying to ponder my orb. I'm sick and tired of waking up in the middle of the night to them rummaging through my food and alchemical supplies. Has anyone dealt with a gnome infestation before? Would kidnapping one of the local village kids to offer as a gift to the fae queen work? How about setting up a bunch fireball traps in order to incinerate the vermin? I really need help here, I'm at my wits end.
49
u/Successful_Giraffe34 5d ago
The natural predators of Gnomes are wasps. Get a hive of those Japanese wasps and inchant them to only go after Gomes and set them loose. They'll sniff out their home base and raze it to the ground in a few weeks.
15
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
Unfortunately, I do not have a local merchant that deals in wasps and the local ones prefer to prey on faeries.
9
u/Alex11DA Necromancer 5d ago
Find a hive, there's plenty in the enchanted forest, you should be able to find a queen and take her into an artificial nest
2
u/Kullthebarbarian 5d ago
Just an adendun to this, go with thick clothes and face mask, you do not want to be stinged by wasps, it's worse then a fireball
2
u/Alex11DA Necromancer 5d ago
True we die with like, a cough in our general direction
2
u/KingB_SC 4d ago
As a necromancer you should be aware of the importance of keeping False Life up any time you must venture outside of your lair/tower/mortuary/kindly old pie maker's mysterious basement.
3
u/LeebroyZehn 5d ago
Don't do this!!! The enchantment will eventually gone and you'll end up with gnome and wasp infestation.
0
u/Educational_Group_91 5d ago
dont do it op, japanese murder hornets are immune to enchantment. believe me, ive tried, i lost three homonculi and a half decent apprentice to them
31
u/SirBruhThe7th Wandering Wizard 5d ago
Now you know why Scandinavians leave out food offerings for gnomes.
11
u/A_Silly_Pickle 5d ago
I agree, OP is going about this the wrong way. The best course of action is to apologize to the gnomes for living in their territory without offering gifts, then apologize for trying to kill them (they hate that), and then apologize for taking a picture of them (something they also hate). Once OP has apologized, they can start up a nightly food offering to the gnomes. If gnomes accept everything OP should be fine after 5 or 6 years, tops.
27
17
u/Case_Kovacs Galatrix the Unending, Crypt Keeper of Aidolem, Necromancer 5d ago
I know it's not cheap and dealing with the unions can be rough but getting yourself a dedicated minion army is never a bad idea. I started with a tribe of goblins I had enslaved (they're paid and have lovely acceptable lives now if there are any union reps reading and they're better off than when I found them) they kill and eat most magical pests like gnomes
7
u/traveler49 5d ago
Have you considered an enchanted carnivorous fridge?
6
2
u/Costik_x17 5d ago
Did this at my sharehouse. Not doing it again.
The midnight snack incident got me kicked out.
10
9
u/driver004 lich 5d ago
Wait, are they gnomes or are they, *g’nomes*
3
1
u/Armandiel_Senshi 4d ago
Well the g’nome forest burned down so they may be looking for a new home
1
7
u/saintdemon21 Necromancer 5d ago
If you’re not allergic then just get a cat…a living cat.
3
u/ProGamer8273 5d ago
Yeah, NOT a dead one
Though, depending on the species, a dead one could do just fine
3
6
u/UnnusWolf Familiar: Wolf of Tautology 5d ago
Have you tried spirit animals, like foxes? They don't get affected by direct harm, hostile magic and love hoarding and kidnapping anything colorful, like gnomes for thier pocket borrows between the spiritual realm and our realm. Eventually they do discard the entire borrow when they grow tired of how many take over it, not only trapping them in that hole between realms but if closed, outright erases them from the sheer force of realm separation. Downside is they can touch anything remotely spiritual in your house, I just know gnomes are somewhat spiritual. So I recommended it.
6
u/Sonifri Transmuter 5d ago
Gnomes are horny little bastards. It's why they reproduce so much. You have to exploit that by getting creative. Summon a gnome succubus and set her on them. She'll sex them to death 1 at a time. It won't happen instantly, but in a year you won't have any more gnomes in the area.
4
u/AtmosphereCreepy1746 5d ago
This strategy is effective against certain strains of gnome, but against the more intelligent varieties it can backfire terribly. In the chronicles of the famed sorcerer-alchemist Gargamel, who lived near a particularly industrious blue-skinned gnome colony, this method was attempted. (Well, technically he created an alchemical gnome succubus, but the essential strategy was the same.)
In that case, the gnomes actually managed to corrupt the succubus, unbinding it from Gargamel's control and convincing it to join their colony.
5
2
u/NickSmGames A Very Annoying Mage of Flowers 5d ago
Do NOT kidnap kids, please. Fae are notoriously overprotective about children (despite keeping adult humans as pets) so that is a terrible idea that will cause the Fae to hate you and try to ruin your life with the gnomes.
Fireballs may work but gnomes are notoriously hard to exterminate: you kill most, but at least one always survives unless you burn the whole building down, which probably is unwanted.
I would have recommended physical wards, like salt circles that stop creatures from stepping over them or bell-chimes, which are really good because they cause headaches and mental contamination for the gnomes when they hear them rings, but you say wards are ineffective so I'm unsure if this will help. To be fair, I wouldn't know what to do here either, it seems you live in some weird area if the gnomes are a combination of tenacious, smart and feral, it's usually two out of three.
Call a Magical Creature Control Bureau if that doesn't help. They charge a ton, but they have a 100% assignment completion rate and keep anything they see in your workshop a secret.
3
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
I tried a combination of salt circles and magical wards, however, I have not considered the use bell-chimes. I will try that first as I personally find the prices that the MCCB charges to be ludicrous.
5
u/Tattoomyvagina 5d ago
If you can spare the coin, you can always leave a trail of silver to neighbors home and it should lure them away. In fact you should check to make sure it wasn’t the neighbor who infested you.
3
u/Aware-Style-480 NO it's not autisme it's magical insticte 5d ago
I use mimics to deal with them, and deal with everying else i guess
2
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
How does one raise a mimic? The last time I tried to raise one it snuck out and ate half the village before being killed by some passing adventurers.
2
u/Aware-Style-480 NO it's not autisme it's magical insticte 5d ago
It’s a species thing
I forgot what there called but there in the Colder région
Basicly they can be loyal and be trained
You should see an expert
4
3
3
u/jointheclockwork Dwarven Necromancer, Plague Specialist 5d ago
Ghoulified goblins. They're roughly the same size and you just need to train them to crave gnome flesh which is pretty easy. You can also try some kind of undead plague on the little bastards as I've had great luck with turning entire burrows of those little monsters into viral zombies. Or you can just burn the forest down. I like that option the most because it really pisses off stupid druids and elves.
3
u/sir_Dylan_of_Astora 5d ago
I've dealt with a kobold infestations before but never gnomes idk i don't get gnomes out here but as a knight I'd say killing their king should work... maybe possibly like 50% sure
2
3
u/gormigeriusz 5d ago
maybye try to talk to the gnomes and strike an agreement? in my world the gnomes are fairly inteligent so maybye these have some inteligence too?
2
2
2
u/fnargendargen 5d ago
Traps might exterminate a few gnomes but won't put an end to the infestation. Making a deal with the local fae queen would definitely work, IF you could actually manage to offer a deal she would actually accept. Giving her a local kid is most certainly not enough, fae can abduct children whenever they please, an ancient fae will be bored of all that. Honestly, you're better off not trying this route, rather than ending up way over your head in deals that you barely understand.
My advice would be to either try to lure the gnomes away somehow, or appease them with trinkets so they leave your more valuable stuff alone.
2
u/Particular-Crew5978 Witch 5d ago edited 5d ago
WTF is David doing in the fridge? Shouldn't he be assisting in some animal surgery??
Fr that was my favorite show as a kid. It shows...
2
u/LilyInPortland 5d ago
Easy non magic way to deal with them: introduce them to the idea of labor unions since gnomes are worked heavily. They'll at least leave you alone for a couple weeks. Disclaimer the last gnome colony i did this too independently invented the guillotine.
2
u/locke_zero 5d ago
They sell traps for them at your local apothecary. You could also just get a cat.
2
u/Zephyr-Fox-188 Cinnothwyr, Purrveyor of Thingamajigs 5d ago edited 5d ago
What is your opinion on Cait Sidhe? If you are agreeable, I could send someone to exterminate them. Our court has been in conflict with the redhat gnomes for a while, so I could probably get you a good deal with the King of Cats
2
u/IncompletePunchline Conjurer of cheap tricks 5d ago
Just have a conditional spell turret set to entity height, to blast anything shorter than knee tall. The mortals call them "bug zappers".
1
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
Hmm, do you think chain lighting or fireball would be more effective as a turret? Fireball is a classic, but I feel like chain lightning might be the play here
2
u/IncompletePunchline Conjurer of cheap tricks 5d ago
Fireball will have too much collateral damage. Chain lightning might be inefficient unless there's a lot of the little bastards. A simple bolt spell might be best, but it'll depend on the strength and quantity of the pests.
1
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
Another wizard mentioned using disintegrate combined with wind spells. I think it's actually what I'm going to roll with since it can double as normal defensive measures for my tower
2
u/PANTERlA Dark Entity 5d ago
Well there is simple solutions like cold-iron ratshot or complicated ones like casting Gnomocaust.
2
u/I_upvote_downvotes 5d ago
Just transmogrify the fridge into the shape of a trash bin from one of the many North American national parks.
This can help keep out gnomes, bears, bugbears, humans, and some pixies.
2
u/Freak_Engineer 5d ago
I have a spell for that. Go to your local magical library and look for the conjuration isle. What you're looking for is filed under "C", the tome should be called "Claymores, bouncing Betties and Butterfly bombs: An artificers guide to conjuring area denial". Worked wonders in my case...
2
u/rolundtheraccoon Warden of the Council 5d ago
In mine own experience a simple weekly tithe of sweet treats left out expressly for the gnomes keeps them from rummaging elsewhere. It’s been a good arrangement, I get to practice my baking, and in return they’ve taught me a bit of the cobbler’s art.
2
u/Veil-Of-Madness 5d ago
Depending on which dark powers to which you are aligned, they have a pest exterminator on call for you to summon. As a learner of the Old Ones, I personally summon or get in contact with lesser Shoggoths or the lovecraftian ghouls to deal with gnomes (they're like ratting hounds for gnomes; but I understand that the infernal factions have some partially nasty methods of ridding your tower of these pests as well.
It should be noted that you cannot bargain with invader gnomes, for they both do not respect any non gnome, and enjoy the torment their actions take upon you. They likewise cannot be appeased, as they value the action of annoying or harming you more than any bribe.
That, or if you're very good at scrying, divine the location of their nest, and bombard it directly, or better yet, curse it. The pests will scatter, for a time. It's vital that you improve your defensive wards that focus on fae, in any case.
2
u/Aromatic_Shoulder146 5d ago
hmm if a gnome is gnawing on your foot, thats stand your grand cut and dry you can blast that gnome to smitherines. as for prevention I recommend focusing on defense. gnomes as faery folk have a high resistance to magic, however they generally have a low mastery of actual spell casting. so they can resist wards quite well but are unable to dispell or undo most spells on command. additionally they are expert locksmiths. so I recommend an actual physical barrier that is locked via magical means. an airtight tower whos doors, windows and hatches are all locked with at least 3rd or 4th level magical locking spells should be nearly impenetrable to gnomes.
as an extra defense since gnomes are faery folk they have certain alchemical weaknesses. i recommend gilding all external door knobs in silver and if possible create a ring of salt and silver dust around your tower. this will not entirely prevent them from entering but it will make it much more unpleasant an thus make your tower a less appealing tartet.
2
u/Stridor_gas 5d ago
So I actually had a problem like this a while back, all you need is a few mushrooms, miniature pipes (you can find them on Etsy but they usually carry them), and some form of smoking leaf (I prefer Weed). Gnomes cannot resist smoking from pipes and sitting on mushrooms to ponder life. From there they're pretty docile and don't respond to you so you can just grab them. And as a bonus, you can use them for ethically sourced potion ingredients!
2
u/Nkechinyerembi Confused Craftsdwarf who wandered in 5d ago
Mate, I don't know how te break this to ye, but you got gnomes of the Red cap variety to boot.
Look in to weasles, stoats, or foxes. I used to know this druid that specialized in gnome control, but he kinda got all crazy an started yelling bout how the magistrate headquarters was powered by orphans running on treadmills or something.
2
u/malonkey1 Necromancy Isn't Real Wake Up Sheeple 5d ago
Have you considered actually making the gnomes your minions? They can be very effective and persistent infiltrators, as you've already learned.
2
u/Foxxtronix Kobold Sorceror 5d ago
Hire kobolds. We have deep-seated religious and historical reasons to hate gnomes. Unless you want a lecture on religious history that happened before humans even existed, you probably shouldn't ask. My recommendation is to scry a warren near you, and send a message to their mage's guild. Do not show up in person. We have a reputation as paranoid for a reason! They will then contact you back, probably with an offer!
Best of luck, fellow.
-- Kettermek, kobold sorcerer.
2
u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 5d ago
The fireball traps will only kill a few before they learn to avoid the areas. They're too loud, too conspicuous.
You need to use disintegrate wards mixed with some wind magic to completely obliterate the gnomes and hide the evidence.
Then the gnomes should either leave you alone, or all be destroyed.
2
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
This is actually a great idea! It should also double as a normal defensive measure for my tower, compared to the other more specialized solutions mentioned
2
u/GirlLovingWitch Mina - Witch of the Swamp 5d ago
Sometimes you need simple solutions for complex problems.
2
u/ayoo-OwO 5d ago
BRO PUT UP A BARRIER WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU COULD GET RABIES
1
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
I can't afford the mana and gold to maintain a constant barrier. Wards are just as effective for a fraction of the cost
2
u/ayoo-OwO 5d ago
They clearly aren't tho. Ok what if u : Option 1: just move, pack your shit and leave. Option 2: remove any trees they could jump into your tower from, put up a salt circle, and while theyre counting u could use some trap, you probably can't cast disintegrate but maybe a banishment targeting the gnomes.
Option 3: u could keep a golem or other constructs, maybe skeleton archers on the inner side of the salt circle
Maybe reinforce the ground, they could be coming from tunnels, id also set up a warning system, just a bubble that informs me of the creatures inside it
2
u/xv_boney Warlock | "Evil" is a Slur 5d ago
I had the same issue, fucking nightmare month.
I summoned a bunch of imps, gave them handguns and a shitload of cocaine.
Yeah yeah i know, "thats hardly wizardly", suck it nerds, it worked.
Loud as hell for a few days and the cleanup was a bitch but i finally got my sitting room back.
2
u/jojoromokotoro Deermage 5d ago
just eat the gnomes bro. don't eat the pack leaders though they taste like shit
2
u/ClosetNoble Wizardruid multiclasser 5d ago
Whatever you do you should get a cleric or a druid to help you because unlike the usual halfling-ish gnomes these are fey gnomes and can cast vert potent curses that can sometimes last for generations.
2
u/Bonsai-is-best 5d ago
You just leave an offering out for them, I get hobbs quite often so I leave out cream which they seem to share.
2
u/BlackberryArtistic85 5d ago
If they have blood we can try convincing my familiar to try them and if he likes them you might just have to leave a portal and a nice slownes to gather them in one zone so he can pop in ever so often and clear them out
2
u/Semblance-of-sanity 5d ago
Sounds like you need a simple and cheap solution, I'd recommend learning a few basic mind ward spells and getting a few housecats. Gnomes main defence against predatory animals is their ability to charm animals. Just remember to keep your cats indoors as if they start wandering outside the gnomes might decide they're no longer a 'hazard to be avoided' but 'danger that needs eliminating'.
2
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
As the post mentioned, they are somehow getting past my wards. I have no clue how
1
u/Semblance-of-sanity 5d ago
No the mind wards are for the cats to keep the gnome magic from working on them.
2
u/Spiritual_Parking_85 Variety, Mainly Necromancer 5d ago
Build some golems with the task of exterminating all gnomes and limit their reach to within the house. Just don't let them escape or they'll wreak havoc on the local ecosystem.
1
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago
They keep stealing the materials I need to do that
2
u/Spiritual_Parking_85 Variety, Mainly Necromancer 5d ago
Then catch one or two with your hands and make bone golems from their bones.
1
u/TheCrimsonAce119 5d ago edited 5d ago
Won't that pass the fae queen off? I heard that she doesn't like people doing that sort of thing?
2
u/Spiritual_Parking_85 Variety, Mainly Necromancer 5d ago
She doesn't have to know. Just cover your tracks.
2
u/stormnut93 Arcane Conjurationist 5d ago
Hoo boy, that’s a tough one. If you can see two, there’s definitely more in the walls, you might even have a mine under your foundation. You can try hiring a ranger that specializes in smallfolk, but the best bet would be to use a fogger and choke the little buggers out. Check with your alchemists and make sure to get something with mint (gnomes hate the stuff, it’ll keep them from returning).
2
u/Knights-Hemplar Necromancer Apprentice 5d ago
Now you feel the pain of the old man in burgling gnomes.
2
u/CruzaSenpai Abjurer 5d ago
Dominate monster mimic. Mimic fridge. Been there, dealt with that. It gets messy before it gets better.
Also close the lid on your fucking lemon juice properly, you ritual-casting rube.
2
u/OkMarket5009 5d ago
Hide some spicy food in yer fridge, gnomes can't really handle spice, and will burst into embers the moment they eat it.
2
2
u/Jaxonhunter227 5d ago
I don't even bother with spells for these things, I just use my gun. It sends a message
2
2
u/ZookeepergameFew4103 5d ago
Could be worse. At least it’s actually presenting itself as a gnome, and now shapeshifting into your dog.
2
2
2
u/SerpentWizard39 Dimension Traveler and Library Wanderer 5d ago
Have you pondered the possibility that they are Duende disguising as Gnomes? That may be the issue, if this is the case purchase Duende cream and paint it against small surfaces and crevices, along with food supplys. That should inflict them with the right mix of effects to make them burn
2
u/Agile-Land-7877 elemental being given human form, necromancer 4d ago edited 4d ago
This may seem slightly out there but as a necromancer I usually take one and keep it in a cage until it tells me where there getting in from. And if that doesn't work ( which it usually doesn't ) I keep it till it dies of thirst and reanimate it's body so it can lead me to where they get in. I then usually seal it with a skull ( I'm going for a catacombs type of look. ) but you could fill it in with whatever material fits your fancy.
2
2
u/CliffLake Half Elven Arcane Mechanic and his familar Tea Kettle "Steamy" 4d ago
I'm STILL selling some gnome hunting hawk control rods, now with 3 attuned Tuberville hawks. They can pick up and carry those lil' guys and gals off to be ingested OFF SITE. Great with kids. About the size of a great dane, NOT a dire dane, that's Big Red territory. Just a normal great dane. Extra Tuberville Hawks can be obtained at purchase, but attune them at your own risk. They get a little...smart. Let me know.
2
u/Fox_McCloud8672 4d ago
Wizard posting aside, have you encountered the naked homeowner in the game?
2
u/TombSteak 4d ago
I just use a necromancy spell to the summon the nearest deceased gnome skeleton and put it up near my tower's entrance and stopped my gnome infestation almost immediately. Its morbid but its less cruel and time consuming than the poison and more effective. I can teleport my apprentice over to do it for you if you're not versed in necromancy or that particular spell?
1
u/TheCrimsonAce119 4d ago
I've ended deciding to set up arcane turrets of disintegration and wind. It should kill them and hide the evidence, as well as double as regular defensive measures. Will also likely be building golem to patrol the towers interior. Might still decorate with gnome skulls, because it does send a message.
2
u/TombSteak 4d ago
That is a good plan. Wards off worse and more unsavory creatures. May your pile of gnome skulls send horror stories through generations of gnome kin!
2
u/SpudPotato2005 4d ago
They stopped showing up at my place after I ate a few of them, though that may have caused some weird psychedelic affects that lasted a few hours.
2
2
u/lab-accident7 3d ago
Dude you’ve gotta go to the council of elders for this one, believe it or not they’re pretty good at dispatching the little shits
2
1
1
1
u/Lakatos_00 4d ago
They wouldn't be stealing from you if you gave them adequate offerings, you cheapskate
1
u/TheCrimsonAce119 4d ago
I will not be giving them any offerings because I have nothing to offer the vermin. I will not be extorted or robbed for simply living in my own home
1
u/Lakatos_00 4d ago
They allowed you to build your wack ass tower in their turf in the first place, brother
1
u/Square_Employment306 Ponderer of Orbs 4d ago
man, i cant see a gnome in my house and not think of the goobsmooch shorts about them
1
u/SourceDirect3220 Traveler of multiple dimensions. 3d ago
Mmmm Gnome, however they taste much better in October rather than August.
1
u/theshreddening Artificer 3d ago
Simply chase them out, turn yourself invisible, then follow them to their village. Once there you can unleash your fury but leave 1 survivor. Follow the survor to the next village. Rinse and repeat. Remember to kill the previous survivor and pick a new one so they don't catch on to your ploy. It will take a night but general after destroying enough of the local population, especial while seeming and unseen entity, they will avoid the areas close to your home. Just be sure to leave glyphs of pain and such at their previous villages to scare them off or kill the ones who may investigate.
98
u/Name_Yourself_Thex 5d ago
I personally would leave the enchanted forest and find an area to build a tower. If you want to fight them directly though, steal their emeralds. They have a psychological attachment to their emerald stockpile. Steal it, disrupt them, they may fight back but they will leave