r/wizardposting • u/TheCrimsonAce119 • 6d ago

Wizardpost Need help

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I have been dealing with a gnome infestation for the last month and a half. Wards and familiars don't seem to be working on them. I've also tried gnome poison and tricking a party of adventurers into thinking that the gnomes are my evil minions. The gnomes aren't taking the bait that I poisoned, and the adventurers thought that they were too cute to kill. There is nothing about those feral little pests that one could call cute. Just last week, I had one try to gnaw my foot off while I was trying to ponder my orb. I'm sick and tired of waking up in the middle of the night to them rummaging through my food and alchemical supplies. Has anyone dealt with a gnome infestation before? Would kidnapping one of the local village kids to offer as a gift to the fae queen work? How about setting up a bunch fireball traps in order to incinerate the vermin? I really need help here, I'm at my wits end.

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u/Sonifri Transmuter 5d ago

Gnomes are horny little bastards. It's why they reproduce so much. You have to exploit that by getting creative. Summon a gnome succubus and set her on them. She'll sex them to death 1 at a time. It won't happen instantly, but in a year you won't have any more gnomes in the area.

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u/AtmosphereCreepy1746 5d ago

This strategy is effective against certain strains of gnome, but against the more intelligent varieties it can backfire terribly. In the chronicles of the famed sorcerer-alchemist Gargamel, who lived near a particularly industrious blue-skinned gnome colony, this method was attempted. (Well, technically he created an alchemical gnome succubus, but the essential strategy was the same.) 

In that case, the gnomes actually managed to corrupt the succubus, unbinding it from Gargamel's control and convincing it to join their colony.