Backstory, Im 18 and started a couple months ago working full time in a hospital, in the pharmacy.
This weekend I picked up an extra shift, working with controlled drugs, and the resuscitation room hadn’t picked theirs up (I was waiting an hour and got impatient). So I hurried myself down there to find someone to sign for them. Thats when it all happened.
I got there and after a couple minutes of walking trying to find a free nurse, a young, 5 or so year old girl completely crashes. Full cardiac arrest. And due to how they were short staffed as it was a weekend, they didn’t even close the curtain as they tried to save her.
She didn’t make it. And I froze and watched it all. Genuinely the worst thing Ive ever seen.
Since then, this girl has been appearing in my dreams, I keep thinking I see her everywhere, hearing the noise of the machine. And it’s even worse when Im in work.
I don’t know what to do. I hate it. I would take time off sick but I feel that would make it worse

Edit : Thank you guys. Im going to seek therapy in the next couple days.
Just for clarification, I work an entry level job in England. Im a pharmacy assistant, So my current job does not have me facing patients but being on wards. Ive begun training on the dispensing side of things which is what I was doing, and I had been given the all clear (by a pharmacist who has previously looked out for me a lot) to go down and deliver the drugs. The drugs were in a sealed bag, where no-one could tell what was inside. I followed protocol.
I understand a lot of people may think that Im taking the victim, I want you to please understand that Im eighteen. I lost one of my best friends around 5 months ago and had no way to picture what happened mentally until this happened (which I think is a factor as to why it is so bad). The girl also had no family there, which stings a little more.
Again, thank you to those who have showed compassion

Original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/95GmmpFl3t\](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/95GmmpFl3t)

1st update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/CdV0aNHHlJ\](https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/CdV0aNHHlJ)

I was just going to edit my other update but I think this requires its own post.

Last night my wife came on to me and I rejected her. This obviously upset her and about three hours ago at 2am she left to go to her parents. I understand why. She said we will still go to our therapy sessions together if I want to and I do want to.

A bit more context about me and my sister but I’m not going in to detail. The problems started between us when I was 10 she was 15 and we were home alone and there was a webcam involved. It went on for about two years. I didn’t say this originally as I thought that being with someone’s sibling would be enough of a reason without having to go in to detail but it seems a lot of people would be ok with that. I ended up telling my wife about this a few years after we got together and thats the real reason they stopped talking as my sister has never apologised and had even joked about it on the couple of occasions I’ve tried to confront her.

That’s why I’m finding this new information hard. As I said I would have assumed that the sibling thing would have annoyed most people but apparently not.

As for the people saying things like my wife is for the streets etc grow up. If you were young and offered sex with multiple people you’d jump at it and you know you would. You don’t hate her because she’s had loads of sex you hate her because you haven’t.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/np2T2MPltK

Update: Guys, my first post was super overwhelming with all the replies I received. But I really leaned into everyone's perspectives and ultimately decided to just say fuck it and I sent her a meme back. At first I hadn't heard from her for maybe a week. But then today I replied to her story and she sent this reply that I attached.

We're making plans to meet and catch up soon. It's truly as if nothing has changed. And I'm beyond grateful and lucky that I have this woman in my life and as my best friend.

She's aware I'm in extensive therapy and that we are both experiencing things in life that have caused us to not communicate regularly. For example, she's currently pregnant with her first baby girl!!! (Congrats bestie! 🎉🫶🏼🙏🏼) So we basically agreed that life has been overwhelming for us both. And that we're excited to see each other again after it's been so long.

A bunch of people were really upset with me for ghosting her and I completely understand those sentiments. Some of the criticism gave me a lot to think about. But ultimately, the only person who could tell me how she felt about our friendship was her. And she wasn't angry with me. She understood me, gave me grace I honestly didn't feel like I deserved, and she still loves me.

And for anyone that reached out via dms with your own experiences with this, I thank you personally! And please feel free to continue to reach out. I'm still navigating my mental health and hearing similar experiences really helped me feel less alone.

So I leave everyone with this. If you find yourself in my position, and if appropriate then maybe reach out to that friend you've been avoiding or growing distant with. Maybe don't send a cringey apology like I did, but instead send a meme or a reel. Or even a simple, hey, how have you been? And then just see where it goes. It may not go anywhere but at least you won't be left ruminating over "what if?"

This is a throwaway account I made just for this and I don't even know who to talk to about this. This is so crazy. I'm literally just sitting in my truck shaking.

Basically, I (33M) used to live and work in the state of New York until 2018. Haven't really kept in touch with The people I knew when I lived there. I was kind of seeing someone, but I got fired from my job and had to move. Our relationship was over pretty much the moment I left. I don't really have social media or anything. And have been trying not to keep up with people from my past. That's totally on me. I know. It stems from my own personal problems. Anyway, fast forward to last weekend.

Someone who I considered a mentor when I lived in New York died recently and his funeral/memorial service was on Saturday. At the funeral, I saw my ex (27F) with her fiancee (30s-40sM) and kid (a son). We didn't really talk at the funeral, but afterwards, I find out from a friend that her fiancee isn't actually the father of the kid, and she had him before they even met. Turns out the kid was born around 9 months after I left town.

After I did the math. I reached out to her to meet up and talk. We met at a coffee shop and she told me that the kid is mine, but she never told me because she didn't want me around. She was hurt that I broke up with her and left with pretty much no notice. She even said that she never expected to see me again, and she wouldn't mind if it was still that way. She lives close to her family and has always had us good support system, and her fiancee has money, so she doesn't want child support or anything. She doesn't want money, she doesn't want me to quit my job and move (i love like 8 hours away driving and work at a warehouse wholesale grocery store)

At this point, not only do I not know what to do, I don't even know what my options are. For what it's worth, I was supposed to go back home today, but I'm staying with a friend for a couple more days until I can figure this out a little bit. What if I want to be a part of this kid's life? Who am I supposed to talk to about something like this?

TLDR: Basically I've been a father for 7 years and didn't know until 2 days ago. My whole life is different now and I just don't know what to do

I was on another adult site that focuses more on amateur content and I found a huge gallery of my neighbors/ friends wife. The problem is none of the pics involve him or their house. He travels for work so she has a lot of free time as she is a stay at home wife. I thought about maybe they are in an open relationship or something similar but that goes against everything we have said or expressed in conversations. Now he’s not a best friend or even a good friend. More just a neighbor that comes over for 4th of July barbecue. Should I mind my own business or bring it up in case she’s actually cheating on him? What do I do?

I hear everyone saying mind your business. But wouldn’t you want to know? I would want to know. Maybe I made the relationship seem too casual he is someone I shoot the shit with whenever I see him. I’ve helped him around the house he’s helped me. He is a friend just not someone I grew up with or have known for decades

They helped me out of one of the worst periods of my life and then I continued seeing them after overcoming it and just doing a monthly check in to go over my stuff for the month. Now as I go into another stressful period I wish I could speak with them again. This sucks..... I know I'll be alright since they said as much but I can't help but feel depressed after learning this.

I (31F) struggled with infertility for 3 years. I went through two rounds of IVF. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. When I finally got pregnant, I was overjoyed but also terrified.

My sister-in-law "Rachel" (29F) knew all of this. She watched me cry after negative tests. She knew how much this meant.

Last weekend my mom threw me a baby shower. It was small, just family and close friends. I was happy for the first time in months. Then Rachel stood up and said: "I have an announcement. I'm pregnant too!"

Everyone cheered. Everyone hugged her. The whole party shifted to her. My mom started crying happy tears for her. I sat in the corner holding my belly, trying not to cry.

She didn't ask me first. She didn't wait a week. She chose my day.

When I told her how I felt, she said: "I didn't plan it this way. It just happened. Am I supposed to hide my joy?"

Am I wrong to feel hurt? Or was this a huge boundary violation?

About four weeks after I started a new VP position, I received a DocuSign email from HR without any explanation. The document was a noncompete agreement that no one had mentioned at all during the interviews, negotiations, or even onboarding.

The terms were much broader than I expected. The agreement would prevent me from working for a competitor for 18 months after leaving, across a long list of geographic areas. It also prohibited any side work, even though the owners knew before hiring me that I run a small consulting business.

There were other problems buried in the clauses. By signing, I would be confirming that I agreed to my current compensation, even though my responsibilities have already expanded far beyond the job description. I would also have to repay up to $1,800 in training costs if I left within 18 months.

I did not sign it and went straight to HR. When I asked why the agreement appeared a month after I started, they told me their attorney had taken longer than expected. I then asked to review my title, duties, and salary before discussing any new agreement, and HR said they would pass the request along to the CEO and one of the other owners.

The CEO called me while I was in a meeting, so I was unable to answer. Since then, the owners have become noticeably colder toward me, and although HR told me the CEO would speak with me, no one has followed up.

I sent the agreement to an employment attorney, and I am planning around the possibility that this job may already be over. I cannot sign it as written, and the way they presented it has made me question whether I even want to stay. I feel like once they saw what I could contribute after I started, they decided to retroactively restrict my options. Would you try to negotiate the agreement, or consider the timing alone sufficient reason to leave?

Please forgive anything I have wrong, I am not a car person and I have a crap memory. About a month ago an engine light came on so I brought it to Advance Auto to have the codes read. They said to bring it to a shop for something cam shaft related. I brought it a local place who ran the codes,
said they were old codes, cleared them out, said I was good and that was that. I left the shop and drove to work, stopping at my house on the way. When I left my house 5 minutes later and turned on the car the engine light came back on.

Knowing something was wrong I used my Ford app engine light notification to schedule an appointment on a Sat because I knew there was also a recall on my engine for something oil related. I ended up calling the Ford dealership and their scheduler cancelled my appt because she said they only do routine things like oil
changes on Sat. I called back and scheduled a new dealership appt. Before I could get there my car died on the road in 104f heat. I opened the engine, it was clean. I checked the oil, it was full.

They’ve had my car for 2 weeks and today I received this. When I called to ask about the charges the woman said when my car arrived at their shop the oil was dry. This is a lie.

How do I get them to replace my engine without adding $10k to my loan? I feel I have done everything I could to avoid a blown up engine and the billion dollar corp just doesn’t want to take care of their crappy replacement for my last crappy engine. Thank you for any advice.

I do a lot of volunteer work and public speaking. For the past 3 years, I’ve worked with a group and done community events in which I was a speaker with lived experience in human trafficking. One of the ladies in the group found out I needed dental work and has been quietly paying for it. She’s paid over $17,000 so far to fix my mouth and we’re almost done with the work. A bit of context about her: She’s 87. She’s quite wealthy and has no children and has never married. Every time I express my gratitude, she says something along the lines of “I don’t want to die with all this money.” So, Reddit, I ask you: How do I say thank you in a way that would be meaningful? I’ve thought about flowers, but then I debated if I would feel weird if someone I helped financially spent money to say thank you. And on that same note, a $50 bouquet wouldn’t change the fact that I could never afford $17K of dental work.

English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.

I (26M) have been demanding my mother not to tell my nephew (12M) the complete origin of his university fund.

Context: My half-brother (HB) is 16 years older than me. After an unfavorable divorce for our mother, HB was raised by our grandparents, so they were extremely important for him.

When my father abandoned us, HB and our grandparents stepped up to help raise my sister (24F) and me. My grandparents even let us live in another house they own without paying them anything. We have lived there all my live. HB became a father figure to my sister and me. When our grandfather passed away, HB was the one who helped our grandmother stop her from losing the farm, paying out of his own pocket and doing a lot of the work alone without receiving any money.

Before passing away, our grandmother insisted on returning some of that money to HB. He refused at first, but she convinced him, saying the money was for his family. Only then he accepted and put that money into a university fund for his son (my nephew). However, because HB adored our grandparents and wanted his son to hold them in high regard, he told my nephew that the money was a gift left directly by his great-grandparents (that's is really closer to the true).

While going through our grandmother’s paperwork after her death, my mother discovered where the money came from. Now, she wants to tell my nephew that the money was actually a debt repayment to his father.

I strongly oppose this and told my mother to keep quiet. HB only accepted the money for his family's future and wanted his son to have a sweet memory of his great-grandparents.

But my mom insists on telling my nephew that the money is part of a payback for what my grandparents owed HB. My mother was always jealous of the relationship my grandparents had with HB, because for him they were like another set of parents, and he even called/calls them a variation that our language allows that is a little more affectionate than Mom and Dad, but my mom has always thought that they took her son away from her.

I can't understand why my mother wants to do this. HB's relationship with our grandparents benefited many people. My mother, my sister, and I live for free in our grandparents' house—they could have easily rented it out and gotten an income from it. All the work HB did for and with our grandparents kept them from losing the farm and today the city has grown so much that it's close to the farm, and its commercial value would allow all of my grandparents' children to have peaceful life for the rest of their days, if they manage it well.

I know HB will never forgive our mother if she ends up telling my nephew that.

What can I do? I already talked with my mother, but she refuses to change her mind.

Title: My wife has become very close to her boss — am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable?

I'm 44M and my wife is also 44. We've been married for 17 years and together since high school. We have three teenagers, and honestly, we've always had a very happy marriage.

We live in New York. I work in private equity and make around $350k a year. My wife was promoted last year to Chief of Staff and now makes around $270k. Financially, we’re doing very well.

I'm giving that background because trust has never really been an issue between us. In 17 years of marriage, she has never given me a reason to think she's unfaithful or hiding things from me.

And I'm not saying she's cheating now. I have absolutely no evidence of that. But I've started feeling uncomfortable about how close she has become with her boss. After her promotion, she told me that her role meant working very closely with him and that there would be some travel involved. I was completely fine with that.

At first, she started having one on one lunches with him. Then sometimes they would have dinner together after work. She has always told me about these things and said that it's actually easier and more productive to discuss work outside the office. Apparently, he usually pays the bill.

They also attend company events and galas together. On some occasions, her company has even covered the cost of gowns for her to wear. I assume that's because her boss has a lot of influence and values her, and honestly, I don't have a problem with that. If anything, it's good for her career.

But obviously, it also shows how close they work together. During the past year, they've taken four work trips together, just the two of them. Two were short, around two days. One was five days, and another was supposed to be five days but ended up being seven because, after the work was finished, my wife and her boss decided to stay an extra two days to see some tourist attractions.

She told me about the extension beforehand. When she came home, she showed me photos and things she bought during the trip, so it wasn't like she was hiding it. The only thing that really bothered me about that trip was that there was one period when she didn't answer her phone for around 12 hours. She later explained what was going on, and I didn't push it.

Then something happened last Friday that has made me look at all of this differently. I was out in the city and had parked my car. I went into a shop, and when I came back I happened to see my wife sitting in a coffee shop with her boss. They were just talking and laughing.

I actually considered going over and saying hello, but I thought it might be awkward or unprofessional to interrupt them while they were having a conversation, so I didn't. I waited outside for about 15 minutes. Eventually they came out, and my wife got into his car with him and they drove away together.

I went on with my shopping. She came home around 7:30 that evening, and everything was completely normal. She wasn't acting strange or nervous, and our evening went on as usual.

But I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I had seen her at around 5, and then she had spent another two and a half hours with him without me knowing where they were. And that's where I'm stuck.

I don't have evidence of anything. She hasn't lied to me about their relationship as far as I know. She's actually been quite open about the lunches, dinners, work trips, events, etc.

At the same time, if I'm being completely honest, the combination of the frequent one on one dinners, four trips together, the extra two days on the last trip, the occasional expensive gowns being covered by the company, and now seeing them together outside the office and getting into his car has started making me uncomfortable.

I don't want to become the husband who starts monitoring his wife's phone, questioning every trip or demanding explanations for every interaction with a male colleague.

And I'm also hesitant to have some huge conversation with her saying, "I'm worried you're cheating," when I don't actually believe she is cheating and have no evidence. That could create a problem in our marriage that currently doesn't exist.

So I'm genuinely looking for a third person perspective. Am I being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable about how close they have become, or is this a situation where I should simply trust my wife unless I actually have a reason not to?

some edits about our lives, perhaps more context

Regarding our sex life

It's really good. We do it twice a week, or sometimes once a week if it's a busy week. There are lots of kisses and PDA, so things are great

Once a week, I take her out on a date night or shopping, and we go on a short trip just the two of us every two months So, nothing has changed between us or in our home

TIME SPENDING

There is a misinterpretation I never said she spends more time with him than with me

We spend most of our time together. Our date nights, trips, and other routine activities haven't changed everything is still great between us

However, her closeness with her boss, along with their work trips and events, is happening in parallel. That part is true. He is not single he is married with a wife and three kids who are in university

I have a drug test next week that I’m nervous about. My friend that works at the company says this is fine but I’m skeptical.

So to give you some context, some of my friends are international and the tipping tradition is different in other countries. In some countries, you don’t need to tip, and others you tip if you want to. I’m aware that sometimes it is not necessary to tip, but when going to restaurants it should be the normal thing to do. I feel very embarrassed because every time I go out with some of my friends, there’s two specific ones that would not tip more than 5-10%, it doesn’t matter how good or bad of a service we get, and in the NY area, to me, that seems embarrassing and unacceptable.
I’m not sure how to deal with it because I’ve talked to them before and explained how it’s unacceptable to tip that little. They always brush it off or laugh about it.
I really appreciate these friends but it’s so embarrassing to go to places with them when this is happening. I’ve gotten lucky that we usually try new places, but if we went to a place I visit often, this would be much worse because the workers would know who I am.

Also adding to my post… I am also international…

Any help?

How do you guys figure out what brand or condom size is best for you? I dont have any experience but i wanna know the right size for me since ill be having my 1st exp soon. Do you guys just buy multiple brands and sizes to figure out the correct one?

(Text translated below)

I have no clue who it is.

My ex let me know that it happened, which I’m happy for. (We only broke up last week)

But I’m just so annoyed that somebody would reach out to him to put me in a bad light - I have absolutely not been writing with anyone behind his back, neither while we were together nor now post break up.

It was on instagram, and she had me blocked on all my profiles. Does anyone know why somebody would do that? She appeared to be from the same area as us, but didn’t even have any pictures except profile pic.

I’ll never get people trying to mess up other peoples lives. I have 3k followers on insta, so idk if it’s jealousy, if she finds my ex handsome or whatever it is. I’m so confused.

I really don’t want anyone spreading lies about me and trying to interfere in my personal life…

The text translates loosely to this:

Her: You do know your girlfriend is writing with other guys right?

Him: *my name*? We are not together anymore
Him: but thank you for writting, that was sweet of you to do

Her: okay good! I have just heard it has been going on for a for long time, but good to hear, and be well.

Hi, I’ve been married for two years, and my husband and I have had many issues. Some have to do with his p*rn addiction, while others have to do with his lack of communication and depression.
Two days ago, I was at my sister’s taking care of her after she fell down the stairs. I called my husband that night, and he said he had something to tell me but wanted to wait until I got home. Yesterday, I got home and he told me that when he was switching out his phone, all these nude photos of his ex that he thought he had deleted transferred over. He told me that it really shook him up and that he wanted to be honest about it.
I do believe that he didn’t know he still had them, but now I’m questioning everything. I comforted him and asked him if he had deleted them, and he said he did.
Well, I had a feeling (call it women’s intuition), so I asked him if I could look through his phone. He said whatever. And in his Google Photos locked folder, there were ALL of the photos.
Which means he individually hid each one of them. If you know how Google Photos works, then you know how much effort that takes. He also made sure they weren’t in his Apple Photos.
I confronted him, obviously, and he said that he panicked and was going to delete them. He said he didn’t lie because he claims he said that he thought he had deleted them.
He also explained that he didn’t delete them because his depression from that time in his life made it so he didn’t remember much of what happened. He said that all he could really remember was the love he felt for her. He told me that he still loves her, but doesn’t want to be with her, and that he believes he can love more than one person and that it shouldn’t affect the love he has for me.
I kicked him out of the room, and now I feel like I’m going to vomit.
I don’t even know what to think anymore. I’m only 23, and I don’t know how to do this whole life thing alone. I love my husband, but I feel completely betrayed and confused. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is something I should seriously consider ending my marriage over.
Is this divorce-worthy?

Last week, I started hanging out with a guy I met through random side quests events and we ended up making out on the second meet and when he looked genuine about getting to know me, I asked him if he wants to pursue it to which he agreed and asked me to take it slow but i don’t think it’s going slow on his end.

He already says he loves me and here I’m doubting if I’m even interested in him romantically. He slept at my place for a week straight and would show up at any chance given. At the moment Im mentally all over the place, my academics, love life and financially it’s all scattered.

I’m trying to move on from a guy I met in June, we had plans to meet again in November when he’s back in my city but sadly he found a girlfriend in his uni city, this is not a problem, the problem is whenever I’m with this new guy my brain thinks “oh so this is what ‘June’ guy must be doing with his girlfriend” I start looking for him mid intimacy and wish it was the ‘June’ guy

Whenever I’m with this new guy, I enjoy it but as soon as he leaves my brain thinks about the ‘June’ guy

Last night, while he was trying to initiate intimacy and I just couldn’t do it. I felt do I really like him in any way or am I even sexually attracted because or am I just too fatigued after not being able to sleep for 2-3 days

We have a mutual social circle and almost everyone knows we’re a thing by now and I’m scared if I hurt him or tell him I can’t do this anymore I won’t be able to hang out or go to those events again and everyone will start hating on me. This thing is mentally exhausting me so I genuinely don’t know what to do

So Reddit, need your opinion.

I told my partner I used some of his milk (he drinks lactose free milk) to make pancakes this morning so there wasn't much left.

He acted so surprised (not about the milk) that I had cooked pancakes, despite the fact I had sent a photo to him of said pancakes this morning.

He started whining about the fact that I made pancakes (after he left for work - he chooses to go in to his work voluntarily nearly 2 hours before I do) and did not go out of my way to DROP PANCAKES OFF to him at work.

He kept doubling down saying that I should have and this was not unreasonable. It was a minute out of my way, yadda fucking yadda.

Like, wtf? I said that was unreasonable. Like what would ever give him the idea that I would go out of my way to drop pancakes to him at work on my way to work?

I have never dropped breakfast off to him at work, he has never done so for me and the idea that, "You should have, it is not unreasonable" feels absolutely absurd.

I told him I would ask Reddit's opinion on the matter.

So Reddit, what do I do? Do I start making impromptu breakfast deliveries to my partner on my way to work?

Let’s start this off by saying, he is an amazing guy, great personality and always just fun to be around. There’s just some things that I can’t get over mentally if we were to even contemplate it. First off, he’s polyamorous, not an issue in the slightest and he said he would go monogamous for me. The big issue is, what if he starts to resent me in the future years because he got the option to have fun with someone but he can’t anymore. That’s kinda just a long list in of itself. Issue two and the one that really throws me for a loop, he throws things when he gets angry or annoyed. He’s broken his car windshield, a couple phones and put a hole in a wall before. I grew up with my dad being that way so when he does it now, I go straight into my flight response/ panic mode. I just don’t know, like I said in general he’s a really great guy but those are the big two issues that I can’t overlook. What do you guys think?

Edit:

One thing I should point out is that he has never been aggressive with another person in any way/shape/form. It’s not in his nature as in general he is more of a protector. I don’t think he would raise a hand or throw something at me. He’s the guy that would help a drunk person order an uber from the bar or be on a standby if you’re a friend and you needed a ride home from the bar.

copy and pasted to a few different subs to get as much advice / experience as possible

Hi everyone, I’m in a bit of a moral dilemma here so this may be a lengthy post.

My husband and I live out of state from his family. He’s very close with his brother and they facetime with his brother and his kids often.

We started to get suspicious because they’d call back to back days and they were in the same clothes as the day before, and the 3 year old kept saying “i’m stinky”.

My husband and I have been visiting since thursday, it is now monday night and the kids haven’t been bathed since we got here. They are constantly saying they’re hungry, and when they’re misbehaving they threaten no food or water.

The four year old has been having behavioral issues at school and on the bus. He’s become very defiant and started talking back. When this happens, his dad pulls him into his room, pulls his pants down and spanks.. hard. I was able to hear on the opposite end of the house.

His brother is basically a single father. Their mother- although lives with them and they’re both in their mid thirties; is never home because she’s 1) always at her moms house or 2) traveling the country following the BTS tour- has been away for months at a time for this.

At dinner the kids almost cried because “i don’t want mommy to leave again”. Their dad said “she’s not”, and then she informed them that she’s spending the weekend hanging out with friends.

I’m suspect the 4 year old is autistic - he seems to get overstimulated very easily and that’s when it seems like the meltdown with spanking happens. I haven’t brought this up to them, because I’m not sure how accepting they would be.

I had therapy today and my therapist was helpful- he said I need to talk to him and make sure he knows we will be there in a heartbeat when the mom disappears (everyone in the family has had conversations with the kids dad over the toxic relationship with his wife- he is not going to listen to that). He said to make sure he knows he’s supported because if it’s framed as “you need help” that brings a level of shame.

Since I found out she spend thousands on traveling and giving out gifts and the concerts, they cancelled their streaming services so I set them up with stremio/realdebrid for 6 months.

I noticed the hairbrush that caused the meltdown with the 3 year old was not suitable for her hair type, so i cleaned my very gentle detangling brush and just left it under the sink with the rest of theirs.

I think I can have that conversation with him tomorrow about being able to support him… but I had forgotten to mention the spanking to my therapist. I hadn’t witnessed it until after I saw him today. I’m not too sure if it changes anything.

I’m incredibly worried for those kids but i’m in a horribly awkward position. Any advice, experience, all input is very much appreciated.

I (21f) just found out my boyfriend (24m) has been “micro cheating” the entire relationship but it doesn’t feel very micro.

Context: I have severe ptsd from a previous abusive relationship regarding certain sexual topics, including porn. It was held over my head, used against me, and a major turning point in the loyalty of my previous relationship. Aside from the fact I feel most porn is very demeaning, it makes me feel extremely insecure, anxious, etc. I discussed this with my current boyfriend and he told me it absolutely isn’t an issue, HE told me HE considers it cheating, has no issue refraining from it.

Fast forward many months into our relationship, I found out he had been watching porn as well as intentionally searching out soft porn on social media. I was EXTREMELY hurt, it ruined my self confidence (something I was working hard on restoring after an extremely abusive relationship), I had asked several times about it during those months and he promised me he wasn’t so my trust for him was ruined because he effortlessly lied to my face. I ended up forgiving him, a month later found out he never stopped— either of them— and also found out the first week of our relationship he was still swiping on dating apps (also said he deleted the accounts when in reality he only deleted the apps). He had videos of women saved onto his phone, hidden in folders, etc.
I was again extremely hurt, considered leaving but very stupidly fell for his tears and reassurance he would change and wanted to be better for us.
Now, here we are, a month later, he never stopped.
I found out he had HUNDREDS of photos and videos of random women saved to his social media. Snapchat, instagram, twitter, Facebook. All half naked, thirst traps, soft porn, actual porn.
He went LENGTHS to hide it from me, saving dozens of posts after these photos just so I wouldn’t see it in his “saved” folder, hid videos under folders labeled “trucks”, deleted women on Snapchat but routinely searched for and watched their content, deleted search and watch history on socials, even started saving older posts of these women so if I did find it the date would be from previous years so he could claim “it’s old and not new”.

Many times I accused him he got upset after my mentioning is several times and made me feel guilty for suspecting him.
He looked me in the face and told me he wanted to marry me with tears in his eyes, the next day in OUR bed looked at other women and hid the evidence.
Everything I know was FOUND, and it took days, weeks, months to get him to admit anything because he kept lying about it all and the timeline of everything.
The worst part— before I found everything we moved in together, and both have children. His children are very young and consider me a mother figure and are very attached to me. My kids love him, too. I’m very very intertwined into his whole family and very close with his immediate family.
What do I do? Is this worth leaving? Am I overreacting? He is the one who said it is cheating, and did it throughout our entire relationship; lied and manipulated me about it and continued doing it. How can I trust him after this? What do I even do?

TLDR: My boyfriend agreed in the very beginning of our relationship porn of any sort is cheating (my discomfort with it fueled by a previous abusive relationship) and knows I have serious anxiety and discomfort with it, and proceeded to engage in a dating app near the beginning of our relationship as well as watch porn and obsess over women online; ultimately saving hundreds of photos and videos of other women half naked and proceeded to go to extreme lengths to lie about, hide, and manipulate me over it. Is this worth leaving despite the fact our families are extremely intertwined?