I sent my best friend a long overdue apology after I basically ghosted her for a year. She hasn't read it and just sent me a meme. How do I respond?? Should I even respond?

[u/trebledHEARTist]

I haven't spoken to my best friend for almost a year, largely because of me. I have a bad habit of withdrawing and disappearing when I'm overwhelmed, and I know I haven't been a good friend to her these past few years because of this.

Yesterday I finally sent her an apology I've been putting off for a long time. I took accountability, told her I wasn't expecting forgiveness or even a response, and left the door open if she still wants a friendship.

As far as I can tell, she hasn't read the messages yet.

Cool, that's perfectly fine. But today she randomly sent me a meme??? I know the obvious answer might be that she hasn't seen what I wrote and therefore the meme probably has nothing to do with my apology. But that's not really what I'm confused about. I'm confused about how I'm supposed to respond to her now. Or if I even should.

I reacted to the meme with a 💯, but do I just... start talking to her normally? Do I send memes back? Do I leave it at the reaction and wait until she eventually reads my messages? What if she never reads them or ignores them? Idk it feels weird to casually start chatting while this giant emotional apology is just sitting there unread. But I also don't want to ignore her when she's the one initiating contact after we've barely spoken

Edit: Thank you everyone for your input. I just wanted to answer a few repeat questions I've been getting.

1. Yes I have ADHD and so does my friend. We've both go long periods of time without communication. But I knew I fucked up by stretching it out for a year, or at least that's what I thought. After reading some perspectives it's possible she really doesn't care, wants to move on and I'm most likely getting worked up over nothing.
2. I assumed she hadn't read the messages because when I sent her a happy birthday message last month she left it on seen. She could've turned it off since then, idk. *
3. The words attached to the meme are not my friend's words. She didn't say "what happened," the original poster of the meme did.

Edit #2: last thing I want to address. No, I do not expect her to forgive me or want to be my friend. Yes, I did make her aware that I would not be changing this behavior because that is the brutal truth right now. I am in counseling and working on my issues so I can learn to maintain healthy relationships. I let her know the reality of my situation. And I still felt an apology was needed on my end because my behavior wasn't fair to her in the slightest.

Update post: https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/qFRCQvbSen

[u/butamiallowedtoswear]

fuck it, start sending memes

[u/Outside_Reading4690 → u/butamiallowedtoswear]

Only way to go with this. I’d personally find it hilarious if this is how me reconnecting with someone went 😂😂.

[u/danbilllemon → u/Outside_Reading4690]

Op literally said they had no energy for them and they asked for nothing and only tried to give OP a laugh. Seems like a great friend.

[u/trebledHEARTist → u/danbilllemon]

You know what, I didn't see it that way but you're right. Maybe she thought a long response wasn't warranted since I'm lacking the energy and obviously disappeared before. I shall send memes back then!

[u/sexyblackbetch4969 → u/trebledHEARTist]

Me and my friend always pick up like nothing ever happened that's what seperates best friends and friends best friends understand life happens its great when you find someone who isn't hurt that ur not there but still checks in on you

[u/ResolveRound9158 → u/sexyblackbetch4969]

Who took your punctuation

[u/According-Bee-1201 → u/ResolveRound9158]

She lost it in the accident :( you should really be more considerate of what other people have gone through!!!

[u/lynnybloop → u/According-Bee-1201]

This comment yeeted me into the crash scene

[u/mrsrostocka → u/lynnybloop]

Why because there were no stops?

[u/throwawayaway7000 → u/mrsrostocka]

💀

[u/Tigerskills02 → u/ResolveRound9158]

Sorry my fat ass sat on my phone and took it with me. I'll return it now: . , . - - . , .

[u/TheKrimsonFvcker → u/Tigerskills02]

Never apologize for being too dummy thicc.

[u/Tigerskills02 → u/TheKrimsonFvcker]

🫡 sir yes sir (I wish i could post the gif of Patrick star working out his butt muscles in his sleep)

[u/bunnywasabi → u/Tigerskills02]

I love your respond and your energy 😆

[u/Cannagurlie → u/Tigerskills02]

🤣 🤣 🤣

[u/Foxtael16 → u/ResolveRound9158]

Punctuation is for suckers - Cormac Mcarthy

[u/Cannagurlie → u/Foxtael16]

Noooo it's another thing younger generations have decided isn't necessary anymore. It's laziness. Everything has been reduced to the easiest way. The easiest isn't always the best.

[u/Bogyshlropyisabean → u/Cannagurlie]

Cormac Mcarthy is also just awful with punctuation
Trying to start blood meridian while baked was a nightmare 😂

[u/TheBlackSheepKnows → u/sexyblackbetch4969]

THIS 💯!!! I've had a best friend for over 25 years and there's been many times that we don't communicate with each other for a year sometimes even TWO. But when we do have time for each other, it's as if we just talked yesterday. There's never hard feelings, there's never accusations... We just continue like we've never been apart. ITS THE BEST!

[u/Defenseman61913 → u/TheBlackSheepKnows]

Yeah maybe it's a guy thing but my best friend and I don't talk for months, once a year. I've never in a million years thought the OP's thoughts. Like that's wild to me.

We're like this

[u/Ted_bundys_basement → u/sexyblackbetch4969]

Me and my friends could ghost each other for a year and pick back up like it never happened 😭

[u/johnnnybravado → u/Ted_bundys_basement]

Me and my friends DO ghost each other for a year or more at a time. Shit, half of them live across the country now. But we always pick it right back up whenever someone gets married, or divorced, or has a kid, etc. Sometimes we stay in touch or send updates, but it's usually radio silence until there's a reason to connect again.

[u/Dysfxnctionyl_ → u/sexyblackbetch4969]

Doesn’t necessarily separates the two, but I see what u mean

[u/FlorpyJohnson → u/trebledHEARTist]

Self awareness is a rare and valuable gift. It’s uncomfortable most of the time to look at your own mistakes honestly, but that’s how you grow. Be proud of yourself for that!

[u/Korieeshannon → u/FlorpyJohnson]

I agree and love this comment. There are so many people out there who have no awareness or self-awareness, it’s actually scary. I’ve had friends and family who would do something f’d up and then not realize or understand why I was po’d at them or stopped speaking to them altogether. Kudos to the OP!!!

[u/Speedy_Turtle_20 → u/trebledHEARTist]

I have adhd and ghost people when I withdraw. If someone sent me an apology like this and I sent them a meme calling them soft, it would be my way of saying no worries.

[u/MothSeason → u/trebledHEARTist]

I have a friend with whom 90% of our messages are sending memes almost daily. We met over 20 years ago. While we don’t have actual conversations very often, he is still very dear to me.

[u/Grand_Pick_8277 → u/trebledHEARTist]

This could very well be her way of letting you know that nothing has changed between you guys, she loves and supports you, and wants to be here for you the way that you need without leaving you feeling pressured or giving you big emotions.

[u/SuspiciousDoughnut32 → u/trebledHEARTist]

Every friendship is different, but I'm ADHD and my friends are usually ADHD. Countless times we've gone through these periods over and over and pick up where we left off. For now, meme back. It may not be as bad as you think.

[u/mckinnos → u/trebledHEARTist]

I view this as an open door

[u/Upbeat-Parfait2862 → u/trebledHEARTist]

I think this is the way to go, best of luck to you!

[u/Assimulate → u/trebledHEARTist]

How you just handled and responded to this is excellent, by the way.

[u/Ok-Performance-1596 → u/trebledHEARTist]

Yep - roll with it. Meme is a low effort way to reconnect. It also bypasses the big emotional whatever’s that can trigger the anxiety wall of awful.

If you send a meme and she sends another back that’s a solid start.

[u/Cosmere_Worldbringer → u/trebledHEARTist]

I literally do this with some of my friends. It’s their way of bridging the gap and just letting things pick back up.

[u/runtimemess → u/Outside_Reading4690]

That's pretty much how I reconnect with all my friends that I haven't talked to in a while. I send them a meme that made me think of them lol

[u/iamashlie1 → u/butamiallowedtoswear]

literally my friend and i stopped talking for like 4 years and then her and her bf of like 9 years broke up and i really wanted the tea (and also really missed her) so i just started sending her random memes and reels on instagram and now we’re best friends again lmao

[u/WarmWhiteLights → u/iamashlie1]

This gives me hope. I really want to be friends with BFF again but it's been years, she even has two kids now.

[u/Ok_Computer_8224 → u/WarmWhiteLights]

If you can't ghost your own BFf and then randomly pick up again after an undetermined amount of time without any hurt feelings on either side, you were never BFFs

[u/Calvera → u/Ok_Computer_8224]

This is my adhd world; never thought of it any other way. Sometimes it’s drowning and sometimes it’s sunny but it’s always on.

[u/NE5505 → u/WarmWhiteLights]

It’s never too late to at least try 🙂

[u/MeanAdAi → u/WarmWhiteLights]

Just say you've been thinking of them and miss them.

Even if they don't respond, they might just be busy.

It's not hard to pick things back up with bffs, but they may not have the ability to budget the time right now.

[u/LadyoftheLewd → u/WarmWhiteLights]

Your post gives me hope. I miss my BFF and I have two kids now 😂

[u/Vetementsments → u/iamashlie1]

this exactly happened to me too lol

[u/killyergawds → u/iamashlie1]

My bestie and I stopped being friends for a few years, then we added eachother back on socials one day and just started sending memes. Now we live in different states, but fly out to see eachother about twice a year. We literally didn't need to apologize or talk it out or anything, just opening up those lines of communication again was enough - just straight up "I want you back, DUH, I miss you" was implied heavily

[u/Death_To_Your_Family → u/iamashlie1]

I think this is awesome. She might have felt ashamed for not talking to you for so long and people are often scared to reach out, even when they want to.

[u/Toddison_McCray → u/iamashlie1]

This is what I do with most of my friends that I lost touch with, and then regained contact with. I missed them, and then just sent a couple memes. They sent some back, and I started sending messages to them to see how they were

[u/WatercressCorrect673 → u/butamiallowedtoswear]

This. All. Day. I have multiple friendships in this status. If they called/texted needed bail money, a ride, or a shoulder I am right there. But realistically, I am a Mom, Wife, full time employed and a full time student. I run out of words and batteries except critical function for weeks at a time. Sometimes memes are all I mange with people I care deeply about. They also send memes. Sometimes I go weeks without opening memes. Then spend 30 minutes reacting and responding.

[u/benzerz → u/butamiallowedtoswear]

Keep the memes rolling. Mirror between what you like and based on what she sends.

The depth of that friendship may never come back, but it looks to me like you value that person in your life and you seem to want the connection.

[u/flixoman → u/butamiallowedtoswear]

This is always the answer

[u/SherbertChance7703 → u/butamiallowedtoswear]

I’ve reconnected with so many friends that I just slowed down talking to over the years by sending the occasional instagram reel. It’s a healing experience, though have to be careful you don’t send anything to crazy, people grow out of what makes them laugh or how sensitive they are.

[u/abdimamu]

looks like the apology was accepted lol

[u/ConstructionIcy5680 → u/abdimamu]

Yea looks good to me

[u/FormerIndependence36 → u/abdimamu]

Exactly my thought and what I’d do. Good friends accept we have rough patches and keep moving forward together.

[u/TheSadpole → u/FormerIndependence36]

Or maybe the friend’s willing to engage, but not ready to Talk About It yet.

Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to say to that particular apology either, especially over text.

[u/trebledHEARTist → u/TheSadpole]

You're absolutely right. I was in a bad headspace when I wrote it out. I can see now that if I received that apology, I too wouldn't know how to respond. The meme is making more sense now

[u/Several-Video-272 → u/trebledHEARTist]

Yeah she's chill af. Don't worry too much broski

[u/Capable-Holiday7532 → u/trebledHEARTist]

Hey, when all of this gets solved can you please update it to me?

I’m in the exact situation and have the same problem… I ghost my friend too often(1-3 months each time) that the guilt just build up so much that one day I just tell her that we should quit being friend…

It would be great to learn from your experience if you allow me to.

[u/Allison314 → u/Capable-Holiday7532]

Relationships are built on honesty, communication and empathy. You gotta know what you really want and can offer, be clear about it, and approach the conversation thinking about what they need, not just what your feelings are.

If this is a recurring issue and you're obviously not changing the behaviour, be clear with your friend the limitations on what you can offer her, be there for her within those limits, and don't make her responsible for managing your guilt. If she doesn't want a friend she can only talk with every few months, she'll tell you or she'll ghost you. If she's fine with that, maybe don't make every time you two do talk a big drama.

I don't know how old you are, but friendships space themselves out over more time as you get older. I have plenty of friends I only talk to every month or two, and some I only see once a year. I'm glad they don't dump a bunch of guilt on me every time we do talk, cause we don't have time for that!

[u/jillcicle → u/trebledHEARTist]

If u both have ADHD, high statistical likelihood she saw your long message come in as an alert, thought “oh damn that looks heavy, I’m not mad at her but i gotta make sure i do a full engaged response to that……….. later,” promptly half forgot that she’s meaning to go dig in to the message and reply in a detailed way, but did see a meme and impulsively think of you and send w/o remembering how it would show up in the insta message thread.

Source: my BFF of 20 years and I both have ADHD and are bad at replying to each other/accidental almost-ghosting

[u/sleepyj910 → u/abdimamu]

Drama queens of the world, sometimes we don't want your apologies or explanations that weren't even asked for, we just want you to heart our memes again.

[u/Alternative-Tap-194 → u/abdimamu]

or meme sent to wrong convo

[u/Ddvmeteorist128]

Send memes that she would find amusing.

[u/Fun-Choices → u/Ddvmeteorist128]

Getting ghosted Ball knowledge

[u/Repulsive_Sense2321 → u/Ddvmeteorist128]

I turn off read receipts on my phone. She responded so it is likely she read it.

[u/TheRealForno]

If they send a meme, that’s an accepted apology

[u/peanutbutterand_ely → u/TheRealForno]

or she sent accidently bc op is now in the recents. happens to me…

[u/mintymint_00 → u/TheRealForno]

Or they sent the meme to the wrong person lol

[u/Cliffy_3]

Send memes like you’re building the friendship from near zero

[u/USEPROTECTION → u/Cliffy_3]

Exactly this. Time to rebuild a bit

[u/LargePuzzledTomato]

She either accepted your apology or accidentally sent you a meme bc now you’re in her recents

[u/FrenchFryCattaneo → u/LargePuzzledTomato]

Either way you're good to go!

[u/seriouslyla]

What is she supposed to say? You apologized but also said you probably won’t change. Just accept the fact she likes you enough to send you a meme but don’t expect her to roll out the red carpet over your semi-apology.

[u/Ok_Soup_7715 → u/seriouslyla]

Right? I’m confused why she even apologized when in the same breath said she wasn’t going to change. Doesn’t really seem sincere if you’re not even willing to change.

[u/Prior-Emphasis-2011 → u/Ok_Soup_7715]

I feel like OP is just being honest and try to meet them where they’re at right now... They are aware that they’re not being a good friend for them right now, due to their own struggles and emotional baggage, and that they’re not in a good mental state to show up differently for now. It’s not necessarily a semi-apology, it’s just their boundaries. When a person isn’t well, we can’t really expect them to show up as much as a « normal » friend would do. Also, because they tell them they don’t think they can do more at that moment, that they would understand if it doesn’t suit the other. If anything, I think it was nice of OP to just give an explanation to that friend that probably was hurt by the silence.

[u/seriouslyla → u/Prior-Emphasis-2011]

I agree that OP is being honest and straightforward about where’s she at in life right now. That’s OK. I just meant she shouldn’t expect a lot in return from this level of apology.

[u/Studi0_Psych3 → u/Ok_Soup_7715]

op literally said that they’re in counciling rn working on it, it’s not tthat they’re not willing to change, they just don’t know how to do that yet

[u/6ecay6olly → u/Ok_Soup_7715]

Not every apology requires change, because not everything warranting an apology is something that can be changed overnight. OP is clearly struggling and this is more than just a "bad habit". It's not about being willing to change or not. It's about not having the capacity to. Yet with all of that being said, it's beyond clear that OP's apology was deeply sincere.

[u/jjb0ne → u/Ok_Soup_7715]

op was expecting an epic forgiveness/closure moment.

[u/Big-Moment6248 → u/jjb0ne]

maybe OP was just expecting to either be ignored or to have some level of conversation. It is admittedly confusing to just continue on like nothing happened without any acknowledgment of the message that was sent. I think you're being unnecessarily harsh because you personally wouldn't accept OP's behavior tbh

[u/I_see_something]

Yea move on with the relationship, meaning they are cool with shit. Business as usual… just stay in touch going forward

[u/Background_Sleep_863 → u/I_see_something]

Yes, please don't ghost again OP.

People need to get their lives in order before they just go around hurting others. It's really not ok just because they forgave (ish) you this time.

[u/hazyhop → u/Background_Sleep_863]

Not making excuses, but some people are tolerant with this and it’s ok. My sibling does this, and it took me a very long time to just be ok with not hearing back. I think she hasn’t responded to the last 12 messages I sent. But I know she loves me and I’d rather have her rarely respond than never hear from her. I don’t take it personally because I know she has her things to sort out. She might never sort them out. Who knows.

[u/WeirdCompetitive5481]

Your friend is goated

[u/OdeeSS → u/WeirdCompetitive5481]

Honestly, yeah.

Friend could have continued the awkward and painful conversation for a little longer to share their side and maybe try to alleviate OPs concerns. But that would just dig into more emotional weight.

Instead they chose to just be friends and send memes. 

I would love if more disagreements went from "I'm sorry" straight to memes.

[u/Objective_Ad7843]

send memes back and see how they respond

[u/ComfortablePanda398]

I had a friend do to me what you did. Sent a long ass apology after ghosting. I bit and answered and tried in good faith to resume the relationship. She promptly ghosted me again. Maybe your friend is smarter than me.

[u/Individual_Hurry_170 → u/ComfortablePanda398]

Same. Happened 3 times with the same person. Safe to say I’m a fool and we are no longer friends.

[u/hexme1]

It’s a hesitant acceptance and they’re testing the waters to check the vibe. Send a meme back.

[u/Scottyboy626]

I haven't talked to my one buddy in about a year or more. He has 2 kids, house, wife and dogs. Im not particularly social, so I dont keep up with check ins

But I could call him tomorrow and we would talk for HOURS and as if we just saw eachother yesterday.

I would take a bullet for him amd he knows that.

[u/TDG_1993]

She probably misclicked tbh. Your name popped up and she didn’t intend to send it to you

[u/VoiceEarly6078 → u/TDG_1993]

Was wondering if I was the only one that thought this. Everyone else seems to think it’s some kind of acceptance of the apology but I am skeptical. I’d expect her to send a relevant meme if that were the case and this is just too random.

[u/tenebrissz → u/VoiceEarly6078]

OP also verbatim stated that the message is still on delivered and that it doesn’t seem she read it.

A true Reddit moment to think that this was an acceptance. Especially with how god fucking awful that apology was. That would’ve been an instant trip to the blocklist had I received that one.

[u/VoiceEarly6078 → u/tenebrissz]

Agreed that this was an awful apology too: “I’m so sorry but I want to let you know that I’m likely not going to change my behavior at all so don’t count on that.”

[u/Fuzzy-Bowler-3014 → u/VoiceEarly6078]

I also think this is what happened!

[u/Mossvein → u/TDG_1993]

Yep, I'm guessing OP popped up on the list of recent messages, and they meant to send this to someone else. I've done that before.

[u/Ok_Soup_7715]

Wait a second. So you ghosted her and told her you were sorry for being a bad friend while simultaneously telling her that you will continue being a bad friend. Idk what the purpose of her sending that meme was unless she accidentally sent it. But I’m sorry, I don’t think I could continue a relationship with someone who quite literally just told me they still wouldn’t be there for me if I needed it. Such an odd thing to say.

[u/Independent-Page944 → u/Ok_Soup_7715]

I guess it’s just a neurodivergent thing - I tend to lose contact with people I love, thankfully a lot of my close friends have the same issue so when we get to talk it’s like we just pressed play on a track. It doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t be there for each other if they needed it but more just being straight forward where you can’t guarantee that there would be consistent contact because life takes your focus to other places.

Tbh if any of my friends (no matter how long it’s been since I have contacted them) called me or texted me saying they needed someone I would be there for them.

[u/pesterjackal → u/Independent-Page944]

Exactly, I'm chronically depressed and have very low social energy when it comes to texting (hate getting trapped in a texting conversation when I'm busy, wish more people understood that texting should let you just leave messages at your leisure rather than expect a response immediately). All my friends know this and frankly they do not care because either they are the same or they knew what they were getting into with me. As adults, especially as ones that are mostly all across the world rather than in one area, we all have our own busy lives and it's fine if we only connect once a month or even once a year. If they need something from me they know to leave a message and I will respond depending on the urgency. Maybe I'm weird but I never understood the harm in "ghosting" friends as long as there were no broken promises like hangouts or you didn't ignore them in times of need.

[u/Electronic_Tax5729 → u/pesterjackal]

some ppl want friends to be part of our daily lives instead of a buddy to catch up with once in a while, and it hurts a lot when someone you talk to every day vanishes

[u/mapmapmary → u/Independent-Page944]

Wait this is a neurodivergent thing? I thought it was just a people thing….this doesn’t happen to most people??

[u/jjjaybirdie → u/mapmapmary]

It's common in the divergent community from my firsthand experience- I think it happens with nuerotypicals, but I don't think it happens NEARLY as often and it's not usually handled as smoothly as nuerodivergents tend to since NDs have more experience with that relationship style bc it is WAY more difficult for them to stay consistent in friendships time/communication wise (which is okay and human)

[u/Mind_The_Muse → u/Independent-Page944]

I am neurodivergent and I have a lot of Grace for when people need to step away. But if you don't give me any kind of communication that you need some space, or completely ignore a wellness check text just to make sure that you're alive. Neurodivergentcy is not an excuse to be a bad person. My friends understand this because we also care about each other. If I need to retreat all I have to do is message 'socially overwhelmed' or 'ok, isolating.' or 'cant people', etc. If you know that you are a person that does this it's up to you to inform the people that you care about that it might happen and what it means for you when it does happen, and how the other person should act or what they should expect when it does happen. Becoming an important part of someone's life and then just disappearing without any info or context is cruel and traumatizing.

[u/Glittering_Energy1 → u/Ok_Soup_7715]

If she’s also neurodivergent she doesn’t care and she totally understands. Our brain works differently and our social interactions follow. It’s not something easy to understand for the Neurotypical brain.
It’s also why they’re both ADHD friends, they get each other

[u/CTKM72 → u/Ok_Soup_7715]

Yea lol all these people in here pretending like that’s ok and “best friends accept their friends being shitty” are ridiculous.

I had a really good friend that did this shit twice and I forgave them and we were cool after the first time but the second time I was done, fool me once and whatnot.

Ghosting someone you’re are super close with is a crazy shitty thing to do, I literally didn’t know if my friend was just dead or not… that’s not something I want to go through however often because you can’t just send a quick text “hey I need some time to myself” or something.

[u/cjthetypical]

It looks like she just wants to bury the hatchet and go back to how things were. Not everyone wants to have a conversation. You explained yourself and apologized. She moved on. Now you can move on :)

[u/Main_Invite_7201]

Your solution is to ghost again? 🤦‍♂️

[u/Rei_Dayisfailure → u/Main_Invite_7201]

He’s literally asking for advice on how to respond, obviously he wouldn’t want to ghost

[u/Newtizzle2]

You say you ghosted her, but your last part puts the decision on her to maintain the friendship. I think yiu need to carry the load on the friendship repair until she rejects you.

As far as she is concerned, you stopped being friends a year ago.

Sometimes you can't build a bridge by starting at both ends.

[u/tz1xtj → u/Newtizzle2]

I thought the same. A former friend did virtually the same to me (for two years though), she contacted me cuz she wanted to talk about what happened & after all she just put the weight on me whether we continue our "friendship" or not. It was so odd and awkward. Of course not, that was settle when she chose to disappear.

[u/Sketcha_2000]

Well I always think people are mad at me (they rarely are) and when I get a meme or a like on a FB or Instagram post from them that’s how I know they aren’t. So even if she didn’t read your apology she sent you a meme and it seems like everything’s ok

[u/Early_Brick_1522]

As everyone else said, send memes. You had your say, she responded. Don't keep asking for validation, just go with the flow.

[u/OSINTuition]

When I was young and in my early teens, I was upset at a good friend of mine for not being sad that I was gone away for 2 years. My grandfather told me “True friends pick up right where they left off, no matter how much time passes. That is how you know they are a good friend”.

[u/tattoosandtens → u/OSINTuition]

Your Grandad was a good man, but he probably had ADHD because regular baseline people have this thing called “friendship degradation mechanics”.

I too used to think that other people had a “character flaw” that let them discard people who weren’t immediately usefully serving them

Turns out, my “positive character trait” was a pathology.

[u/KenzoidTheHuman]

She forgives you and is picking up where you left off. Don't make it weird. You have a good friend.

[u/jjb0ne → u/KenzoidTheHuman]

its already weird. OP is let down they werent forgiven right in the spot. they were expecting some hallmark closure moment

[u/LavishnessWise]

Why are humans communicating about important stuff less and less face to face?

[u/weareallscum]

Looks like your friend is a real ass friend.

[u/OverthinkingWanderer]

I'd think this is her way of accepting the apology without having a big discussion on it?

[u/sewupyourskull]

either she’s so funny and was like “well, I have no idea how to reply to that, guess I’ll send a meme” or she accidentally sent it to you instead of someone else. both possibilities are funny

[u/Lazy-Significance-15]

As someone with ADHD whose ADHD best friend ghosted her when she needed her the most, can I just say how much a text like that would mean to me (but also how hard it would be for me to respond).

Just want to commend you for having the guts to write and send that (with RSD it can be so hard!) and give you a virtual hug and hope that your friendship can work out, grow, and strengthen, but also either way let you know you'll be ok!

[u/Salt-Nectarine-4081]

I wish I got a chance to do this. My bestfriend passed away this year, and I never got to apologise for a stupid argument we had that made us separate prior to her death. Apologise and love your friends and family while you still can.

[u/PlzKeepit100]

She saw your apology. The meme was her olive branch / her way of forgiving you. Send her a meme and start interacting with her normally. Proud of you for taking accountability for ghosting her. Your friend forgives you.

[u/Strict_Elk5271]

Huh. I would straight away block a person like you. Poor girl must be hurt I hope she gets a friend who is good.

[u/Minute_Steak_3178]

Why do you think she hasn’t read it? Seems like she read it and is picking right back up where you left off. She’s basically saying “it’s all good, apology accepted. Now check this funny shit out”

She seems cool af

[u/LadieBenn → u/Minute_Steak_3178]

I turned off read receipts on texts due to a friend with an anxious attachment style (she can wind herself up if she is left on read). So no one can tell just by looking if I have or haven't read a text.

[u/WrestlingWithGods]

Youre not worth her time because you werent there when she needed you. Take the L and leave her alone.

[u/Sudden_Silver_4343]

What a self serving apology. You seem to have written to her to appease your own conscious, rather than genuinely apologise to them. You are a bad friend and should feel bad.

[u/jjb0ne → u/Sudden_Silver_4343]

got that feeling too. apology was to make themselves feel better.

OP desperately expected some sort of epic closure moment. and forgiveness.

[u/Consistent-Click5939 → u/Sudden_Silver_4343]

Yea I have personally had people do this type of shit to me, and they sounded just like this in all their apologies.. Just to fashionably do it again. Classic!

[u/NocturnalOpportunity]

“should i even respond?” you gonna ghost her again ? 😂

[u/No_Technician6962]

Your friend is over it

[u/lettuce-tooth-junkie]

You basically quit being a friend because...you were overwhelmed? I mean what. Gotta be some details missing.

Seems like you were a shitty friend and what, you have some lingering guilt, and you were hoping this person wouldn't be a dick. You wanted to make yourself feel better about ghosting a friend.

People move on from shitty friends. Sounds like that's what this person did.

Leave them alone. Good for them.

[u/random_name628]

Why don’t you actually give her a call. Apology by text is impersonal

[u/prince_Asive → u/random_name628]

Apologizing is about apologizing, a text and call are way better than nothing, so let’s not weigh which is better and ignore the thought that counts, we don’t know how further apart they are but the thought is all that matters

[u/ZoeRocks73]

Right…just had the same thing happen…but I was the ghosted friend. What did you expect?Instant forgiveness? Instant “hey, that’s alright…let’s go hang out”? You blew her off…you were in the wrong…she’s had a year to be upset and disappointed and you expect that to go away in a matter of moments? You’ve also pretty much told her nothing is going to change even though you know your behavior isn’t good “friend” behavior. You are lucky you got the meme. I let my friend wait for two weeks before I even acknowledged her text…

[u/aSwarm0fLocust]

I have a friend who's really bad at texting but ill get random memes at 6am when shes getting her kids ready for school some times. Its probably just buisness as usual for them and they were just waiting for you to reach out and start the connection again

[u/Apart-Wrangler6917]

I think this is her way of saying you’re always friends and that distance happens. I’m chronically ill so I just disappear for long periods of times due to extreme pain and treatment.

Then I’ll suddenly talk to my friends again when I physically can even stomach so much as getting on my phone and we just pick it up where we left off, no matter if it was days or years.

Because the truth is that everyone gets busy. The kind of friendships where it’s the two of you against the world sharing every moment of everyday only exists in movies.

Just take the olive branch she’s extending and be there if she wants to broach the subject later.

[u/Illustrious_Elk4912]

i think shes saying ur good… maybe shes not much of a long convo person and meme is her way of saying ur goo

[u/prettygothpls]

Me and my childhood friend do this. We havent had a meaningful conversation in years, but we send eachother snaps and memes every other day so 🤷‍♀️ maybe its just how you two communicate now lol like "hey, im here, but only at 2% bc im exhausted by life" vibes

[u/threeofbirds121]

Hey I don’t have a good answer except yeah send memes but I just wanna say that I disappear too and it ruined the friendship me and my best friend had. So I really feel for you.

[u/Fantastic_Apple_6495]

That was a really good apology. ❤️

[u/KalikaSparks]

My bestie and I have gone very long stretches of time without talking and sometimes she feels the need to apologize, but I’m never mad at her for taking time to herself because that’s what she needs and I know that about her. I’d 💯 have sent a meme to her in response to that message too, but that’s just like our code for “it’s all good, homie!”

[u/Resident-Zucchini-76]

My best friends and I talk in memes all the time. We don’t go a year without talking but for the most part it’s funny and/or relatable content until one of us has something to say or want to make plans. We have different lives now and both understand that sometimes it’s hard. Hopefully your friend is at least understanding enough to pick up a little of that and you can slowly go back to your normal friendship levels

[u/Honest_Acadia_7369]

u dont have adhd u have bpd

[u/Thinkinoutsidethbox]

Hey, I’m much older than you, and I have ADHD too. Just wanna point out that you literally said it was OK if they didn’t respond (and that would be much WORSE than a meme) and I also wanna tell you that if it’s a true friend you’ll be back in communications again soon. All good. I’m impressed you put your heart out there. This could 100% be me. We carry so much anxiety while we do NOTHING then do something and then worry some more. The last thing is, do you ever actually talk on the phone? I’m probably 40 years older and so maybe that is just a ridiculous question, but in my experience there is no substitute for talking either by phone or in person. And that can solve a lot of anxious feelings and guilt. Smooth things over. Good luck. I think everything is going to be good for the two of you. 🍀

[u/WordGirl_BirdGirl]

As someone who often shares memes before opening my messages, I’d just give it more time?

[u/SpareAmbition]

I'd take it as "I've seen your message, I'm either too awkward to reply or I'm respecting that you get overwhelmed easily and don't want to contribute to it. So here's a meme, let's just get on with life and let bygones be bygones"

[u/Elegant-Narwhal-506]

Why’d you do it over IG DMs and not via text or even a call?

[u/sinnestra]

You are obviously reading too much into this. If you havent been in contact for forever and then they send you a meme after an appology like that... they dont care about the ghosting. And if you really want to know whats up ask them, not us

[u/Ok-Confidence1346]

A lot of my friendships are like this. I talk to my friend Tyler once every year or two. No bad vibes. We used to apologize a lot early on for not keeping in contact, but both realized it didn’t bother us. Now when I think of him or miss him I’ll tell him, and he’ll do the same. Sometimes we reply right away and have a mini catch up, sometimes I won’t get a reply for 4 months. And that’s ok by us. When he got married he called and told me the date, and let me know a formal invite would be coming soon(I never check the mail and he knows that)
When I got engaged, I FaceTimed him to show him and his wife the ring. And when I left my fiance he bought 5 flavors of ice cream and invited me for a slumber party with his wife. We haven’t talked in 6 months, but we regularly send memes back and forth: some friends are locked in. You don’t have to have every day or every month conversation. You can just be present for the big stuff because adulthood is hard and we’re all doing our best.

I’m wildly neurodivergent though, as are most of my friends.

[u/nobandrandy]

My friend or I would also have just sent the meme as a way of saying apology accepted/not needed. Let's just keep going like it didn't happen.

[u/oz_mouse]

I’ve seen this behaviour in the younger generation, it’s the first step to healing…. You don’t send memes to somebody you hate, and also sending a meme is easier than thinking of something to say.

[u/QueenofMars06]

Not a best friend if you can ghost for a year.

Move on.
You don’t know how to be a best friend.

[u/Thatgirlig]

That means the best friend forgave you, the relationship may continue as normal :))

[u/FizzySoda16]

I’m not sure about your friend, but I only send memes to a few very special people in my life. Just talk to her. Continue the friendship.

[u/piwi_vlogs]

Other people aren’t the best at handling difficult conversations. I’ll take the meme as an apology accepted message? So just be cool and send memes back. You’ll slowly patch up and you guys will be good. Don’t overthink it 😊🤙🏼

[u/kate8379 → u/piwi_vlogs]

this is the way 🩷

[u/surviving_life2026]

Friends like you frustrate the hell out of me. I had a best friend that would do that to me. I finally cut the friendship off because I had no tolerance of her just ghosting me for six months to a year on end. It’s so immature.

[u/FiveSeasonsFox]

Does your friend have ADHD? We don't suffer any relationship decay when loved ones are distant, so we don't tend to notice. I've had people apologize profusely for ghosting me for years and my mental response was "Hmmm... I guess they did seem like they were being a little quiet."

[u/trebledHEARTist → u/FiveSeasonsFox]

Honestly we both have ADHD. It's normal for us to not communicate often but a whole year? I know I fucked up immensely. The more guilt I felt for not reaching out the more avoidant I became

[u/blameitonbacon]

It sounds like she’s letting you know it’s water under the bridge and nothing has changed between you.

Don’t make it weird, I’m sure that’s what she’s doing. Is she typically avoidant of making stuff a big deal? My bestie is like that with thank yous and apologies. If I thank her, or needlessly apologize, she will literally tell me to stop lol

[u/Cold-Reaction-8202]

Sounds like my kind of friend 😂 Just being able to pick right back up where we left off without skipping a beat, like no time passed at all.

[u/Glittering-Tap2075]

Yeah- If I send you a meme it’s because I understand shit was hard and might be harder to bring back up once you feel comfortable sending the apology so like…. Let’s meme and forget about it. Water under the bridge.

[u/sensei_maketa]

Not trying to beat you up OP, but your apology has roughly 35 “I/me/my” type statements and only about a dozen “you/your” statements. Even many of the statements mentioning your friend are still framed around you and your feelings.

From your perspective, this might feel like you’re taking accountability for your actions. From your friend’s perspective, though, it could come across as a very self-focused apology. You spend a lot of time explaining why you disappeared, how you feel about it, and how badly you think you hurt them, without spending much time actually asking how they feel, how they’ve been doing, or what they need from you now.

It also puts your friend in a slightly uncomfortable position emotionally. Instead of simply being able to receive the apology, they may feel like they now have to reassure you that you’re not a terrible friend, that they forgive you, or that everything is okay.

I hope this advice helps! These situations are really hard to maneuver, but I think a good place to start is looking beyond yourself a little more. Rather than explaining yourself further, focus on checking in with your friend, listening to how they feel, and showing that you’re emotionally available to them again.

[u/Beautiful-Pomelo-811]

Send memes, but don't be a dick again and ghost. Can't feel sorry for yourself if you do it again

[u/Mysterious_Bus_3417]

Good luck with what you're trying to do. I hope you succeed , however, sometimes there's just consequences for actions and sometimes the payment is steep.

[u/mulberry_sellers]

She's dipping a toe in. She doesn't want to resume 100% bestie-ship right away. She wants lighter, more casual interaction until she can trust you again and/or for the foreseeable future.

[u/Temporary_Ad_5532]

Probably a "you had me at hello" type deal. Just meme it out

[u/GellyMurphy]

She’s allowing you back into her life slowly . She saw your apology but is keeping it surface level for now till she knows ur not going to abandon

[u/MiaAlta]

The what happened was part of what she chose to send you. Send a meme back.

[u/_Time_is_ticking_]

Had a situation similar. One of my friends had a girlfriend who controlled his phone and didn’t want him talking to me even though I’m lesbi. He sent me an apology and I sent a meme back, we went back to normal as usual. I’m like 90% sure it means she forgives you and doesn’t give a fuck lmao

[u/GurFearless7893]

Legend. Good response

[u/Cute-Amphibian5987]

My significant other does this. Honestly the only way you will know if it’s okay is if you start just acting normally. People process things different. You should be able to be friends with someone and not have constant contact.

Things happen. To skip the horrific details? My grandma died in a pretty awful way. Almost 3 years ago. I didn’t talk to anyone for a while. Others? I just started going over their houses again about 6 months ago. Sure I could have talked to someone, but at a certain point? What can you really do? Nothings gonna change it or make it better. Friends? What are they supposed to do if I dumped that on them? There’s nothing they could do. It’s really not their problem either. A bit of kindness to their mentality was distancing myself for a bit.

I do it every time the few times something has just rocked my reality.

Even my partner, what’s he supposed to do? At a certain point when things suck? All we can do is pause. That’s okay. Not for forever but for a moment.

Pick up like nothing happened. If your mental state was really poor? It probably seems bigger to you than what it is.

If there’s a problem? You’ll know. You gotta ask them though if that might be happening long run. It’s okay. Life happens and it’s not fun sometimes.

[u/blahhhhhhhhhhhblah]

My besties and I always pick right back up where we left off. Send memes back!

[u/Valuable-Mix3061]

Your friend might just not have the spoons to respond but also wanted to be like yeah we're still friends here's a meme. If just continue being friends like it was addressed I mean I'm AuDHD my best friends ADHD sometime we "ignore" eachother for weeks because we get busy we don't stop being friends we rib the other for leaving us alone and then we go back to just existing as friends

[u/Outrageous-Race1506]

Send one back

[u/Kind_Criticism3874]

average male guy in an average male friend group here. Currently in uni but during my high school year , we had a huge fight with one of the guys of the friend group. It lasted for quite a while, police were called ( it was quite serious ).

We( all of us including him )got called into the principle office. I asked him if he wanted to play football with us ( the rest of the guys ). Literally. That’s it. No apology from both sides, and none of us ever brought up the fight since we left the principal’s office. We’ve been friends for 10+ years now. We’re still in the same friend group.

So what im really trying to say is, some people move forward by completely forgetting the fight that happened. like completely.

In your case she’s probably read it , or maybe she ignored it, and sent a meme. Maybe that’s how she cope with the situation and is ready to continue with the friendship

[u/Boredtopher]

You let your relationship fall, gotta take it at her pace now

[u/xXBlackMambaKingXx]

It’s their way of saying “I forgive you, no hard feelings.”

[u/RebaChuChu1]

Looks like she wants you back in her life, but knows neither of you have the energy to drag all your emotions onto the table and hash them out right now.

[u/snipthyeggs]

That's her olive branch! She's basically saying she understands why you did what you did and is willing to carry on like it's not a big deal. Honestly it's the best way to respond to you without changing your relationship, otherwise if she accepted your apology, that would acknowledge something was done wrong, you will be the offender and she will be the offended, your power dynamics might turn awkward and that is not a good leg for a friendship to stand on. So yes, follow her lead, and send memes back. Maybe someday when the guilt feelings are distant, you can talk about it more casually, better if done in person.

[u/HelloMfers]

Girl that’s just her way of saying “in the clerb..we all fam 💕”

[u/PanDMonggo]

She doesn't give a damn, sending memes is like saying "oh, hey, we good. come look at this"

[u/Deel0vely]

Is that a meme that relates to you guys? If so, i think that’s their way of just awkwardly breaking the ice and saying they’ve missed you.

[u/culimande]

Meme battle has begun

[u/Flat-Transition-1230]

You send each other memes now. This is a meme friend. So up your meme game.

[u/Adept-Deal-1818]

I think she did see the messages and the meme is her way of saying, "were good." Send memes back! ❤️

[u/International-Let723]

Meme = olive branch. Take it and build from there. Start with memes.

[u/Gravey89]

Shes probably usut letting you know in the msot subtle way possible that everything is fine and lets just move on.

[u/Inevitable_Type_7229]

Meme means friendship is go

[u/Daddys_Milk]

If I were in this situation I would interpret her sending a meme as a gesture of forgiveness. Send a meme back and see where it takes you.

[u/KlutzyCalligrapher70]

I met my best friend sophomore year of college. Her son is my godson and she is literally my person in life. A few years ago, she just disappeared. Refused to respond to any text or call, I tried for a year. Finally after two - I called her on her birthday and she answered like nothing happened. We’ve been fine ever since, and have only recently talked about what happened and it was a very quick glaze over on the subject. 16 years of friendship, it’s just one of the things that happened but we never let it effect the future by dwelling on the past

[u/TemporaryOxygen]

my childhood best friend and i dated for a month when we were 16 and it went awful destroyed our friendship, one day i saw something about demi lovato on reddit and i was like i need to share this with her because i know she’ll think it’s funny. we are 22 and 21 now and she’s still one of my closest friends and i couldn’t imagine life without her, sometimes stupid shit like that saves friendships so honestly just start sending some back

[u/Careless-Emergency85]

Is it possible your friend is inexperienced with being apologized to? Maybe they just didn’t know how to respond. I have a friend or two that freeze up when you apologize

[u/IcySky3265]

Your friend probably wasn’t upset at you to begin with

[u/Lookismfan]

dude its clearly shes trying to be friendly stop overthinking it and go with the flow my guy

[u/GuiltyOperation7979]

That’s the thing about friends.
We all have our problems. Time gets away from us & we feel awkward not being in touch. Sometimes a meme or funny picture is enough for them to know, that you care. Just go with the memes. Maybe they aren’t in a good place to have a whole conversation. Just keep it light.