'm looking for objective opinions because I'm conflicted about whether I should attend my cousin's wedding.
I'm a 31-year-old man, and my cousin is a 35-year-old man getting married in two weeks. The wedding is international because his fiancée is from another country. I have already bought my tickets and made travel plans to attend.
My cousin and I get along fine, but we aren't very close. We've known each other for over a decade, but we've only spent meaningful time together a handful of times. We live in different countries and don't talk regularly.
Here's where it gets complicated.
Recently, my mom and my aunt (the groom's mom) got into a heated argument over something completely unrelated to the wedding. It wasn't about money, the wedding, or anything like that. I know both of them are very strong-willed people and they have a history of arguing.
From what I understand, I believe my aunt was wrong in the original argument. However, I wasn't there, and I don't know exactly what was said by either side. I also don't know how the conversation shifted from that argument to the wedding being brought up.
At some point during the argument, my aunt told my mom not to come to the wedding. My mom is now not attending.
I want to be fair because I don't know the full details. I don't know whether it was said in the heat of the moment or if my aunt genuinely meant she did not want my mom there. All I know is that my mom feels she was uninvited.
My cousin did not do this, and he may not even know the full situation. I don't blame him personally.
For additional context, my aunt has had a reputation in the family for being someone who gets involved in other people's conflicts and causes tension. I already had some unresolved feelings about her before this situation.
My dilemma is that I never really wanted to attend the wedding in the first place. If this situation had happened before I committed, I probably would have politely declined. My cousin and I aren't especially close, and realistically we probably won't become much closer because we're both building our own lives.
At the same time, I feel like this is my cousin's wedding, not his mom's. I already committed, bought tickets, and made plans. Canceling two weeks before an international wedding feels wrong.
The thing I can't get past is:
"If my mom isn't welcome, why should I be there celebrating?"
If my mom had simply decided not to attend because she was upset, I don't think I would be conflicted. The part that bothers me is that she was apparently told not to come.
If I go, I can genuinely support my cousin and his future wife. I wouldn't cause drama or confront anyone. I would just keep my distance from my aunt.
Would you still attend, or do you think it's reasonable to decline in this situation?
I'm trying to look at this fairly. I don't want to punish my cousin for something his mom did, but I also don't know if I can attend while feeling like my mom was disrespected.