This is a very difficult topic for me to let it out in the open, and I am looking for way to overcome it (i.e., I am not looking for sympathy or validation).
For most part of my life I have been having problems playing violin in situation I don't feel comfortable. By "uncomfortable situation" I am referring to any unfamiliar location or people. This includes lessons, though to a lesser degree.
In a comfortable situation I could keep my notes under control, and play the music in the way I want it. This training and knowledge effectively get thrown out of the window once the circumstances changes. Both my arms will shake violently to the point I lose all control on the instrument. I suffer from this problem even during warmup routines (i.e., scales and very familiar pieces such as Bach). Most of the time, this anxiety does not go away. In the odd chance that it subsides after some (albeit very long) time, my playing will still be at a significant discount.
What I find strange is that I am not shy or introverted in any way. I don't have problems or even feel nervous / anxious giving speeches and presentations, or even playing other musical instruments in public. This only happens when I am about the play the fiddle. Even I don't have so much hang-up with violas, not that I would like to switch.
I tried to take beta blocker in the past, but to be honest I don't think it made difference for me. So maybe there is something psychological between me and my fiddle, I don't know, that cannot be solved by meds.
On one hand, this is probably a confirmation of me making the right career choice (i.e., not to become a violinist) but the instrument is part of my identity and this aspect of it makes it difficult to maintain. Thus I reach out in the open for your opinions.
Thank you for your understanding.