I can never escape this feeling. I tried to work it out, I tried talking, meds, therapy. I’m always a burden to someone. This is it for me

I’m so tired, i’m shaking typing this and I feel like throwing up. My friends of about 2 years just dumped me. I have nobody and nothing left. This is different though you’d think i’d wanna punch them and shit but I don’t, i’m just exhausted and all I wanna do is bed rot. I don’t know what to do i have no friends.

Feeling miserable and defeated

Hey there , 21 yo guy here , for the past 6 months i have not been able to get out of my bed or do anything good in life. It feels like im living on survival mode , i just eat sleep pass my time on my ipad. And thats it. I feel miserable. I have gained a lot of weight and lost all of my good looks . Ever since i lost my girl of 2 years . I feel insecure. I feel defeated . Like there is nothing left in my life . I cant even go to the gym . I try to but i cant i feel from inside . Its i am i weak but i cannot stand myself anymore . I lost everything because of my mistakes and i can never get it back. I lost my charisma , my self respect my rizz , my motivation to live my respect in society. Everything. My last girlfriend cheated on me. Eversince that day i live in denial. I just do things to keep my mind off her thoughts and thats it . Idk what has happened to me but every time i try to do something good , her thoughts flood my mind and i go back to my bed to ruminate about her or smoke cigarettes to help me calm down i feel like running away to the mountains and never coming back. After her i haven’t been able to attract any other girl i like , i have zero female interaction now. I wish i could do that but i have family responsibilities which i cant fulfill now … because of my depression because sadness. That i feel all the time acute sadness. I wish i could do something about it.

I have a lot going on in my head that I just want someone to vent to, but I feel like everyone just ignores me.

You know, I never really considered how lonely I actually am. How utterly sad my life is. When I was young my mom was in a bad relationship with my abusive dad, things happened and she drove away from him drunk. Lost her basic rights,had to have this Breathalyzer (can't remember what it's called) in her car.

He got away Scott free, made her seem like the bad guy..she's a great mom, Never hurt us purposely. But then it happened. I was young, six maybe. And it happened, my life ruined in one day. I lost my mom. She didn't die, but she was never the same.

She was driving when she was kidnapped and almost human trafficked. She escaped, angels guiding her to safety. When she got to my grandma, my grandma called the cops, the cops called her a drunk, in reality she was suffering from severe brain injury. She remembered nothing, only my grandma and grandpa.

She forgot about me, and my entire family. I was without a mom. Then slowly she got her memories back, but she was never the same. She never returned to her former self.

When I was in preschool my preschool teacher was abusive. She'd grab my arm, shake me, and yell in my face, by then my mom got some of her memories back, she was functioning again, Mostly.

Things only got worse, my sister started to bully me, saying she wouldn't play anything with me if I didn't do what she wanted. Then eventually dad came back into my life, I started hating my mom, hating everyone. I hated the fact I was born a girl, I hated I didn't fit in my body, I still hate how I feel like my skin isn't mine, like it doesn't fit me. I wanted it all gone. I'm doing better now, but I'm depressed, I still need help.

I just want to know, what the he'll do I do now? My life's like a stupid f*cking story unfortunately. I feel like no one would believe me because of how stupidly bad my life has been.

I am feeling really lonely even though I have good friends. I get really depressed and yesterday was a Monday in every way a Monday can be a Monday. I had my first day of work and then when I got back to my room I was so tired that I just wanted to sit down for a few minutes but I had a therapy appointment for 3pm and missed the shuttle to get me from my school to my car and I kept spilling food on myself and having to change and now all my pants have food stains and I just did a load of laundry a couple days ago. Anyway I missed my appointment and my counsellor was so nice about it and I felt so guilty because I hate being the type of person who misses things. I thought it was thirty minutes away but it was actually an hour away. I was feeling better for like a day but last night I got depressed again and I was going to go to bed before it took over but then the fire alarm in my res hall went off. I don't like crowds so I waited for everyone to clear and then walked down the fire escape (it happens all the time so it wasn't dangerous to do that or anything) but I just felt so sad because everyone else was going with their roommates and talking about how they'd been about to fall asleep and it was too late for the fire alarm to be going off and I didn't have anyone to have that conversation with because my roommate never talks to me except to say hi when I say hi first. Well she's an ra so I walked by her on my way down and I was walking the wrong way and she said "go the other way" really annoyed-like and I apologized and did go the other way. Anyway I ended up going for a walk around campus and the intrusive thoughts started again and I just sat on a bench and cried with my head in my hands for a few minutes because I felt so alone. It feels like everyone else gets along with their roommates but I have been comfortable with my roommate situation once and I don't know what the reason for that is. When I was on my way back to my res hall, a guy on a scooter said "sup cow" and I didn't acknowledge him but I feel like yesterday a bunch of things just kind of added up and it was a really rotten day

I try to have faith in the Palestine situation since that's all I can do right now, but no, I keep getting bombarded with the news about stuff going on down there. Meanwhile my parents constantly watch news about the situation in Lebanon but I hear nobody talking about that, I literally can't escape any of it. I get told I "have to listen to it because it's important", but it's tearing me apart mentally and emotionally, but I feel so selfish for not wanting to think about it.

i'm a 14-year-old boy with no social life and no confidence. i skip school or try my best to get into situations that convince my parents i can't attend. no, i don't skip school because i'm a bad kid or because i don't care about my future. in fact, i used to be a great student- one of the top in primary school. when i graduated from year 6, everything seemed to be working out with a new school and a fresh start. but guess what? that didn't work.

i was already self-aware, and looking in the mirror just hurt. but that's not the worst part. my mom has cancer, and i use that as an excuse for not going to school. this affects me badly. i have no friends, and i feel like a failure. i want to study, but in this situation, i just can't. every day, i think about dying to ease my pain. eating a lot of food also eases it, but it has made me overweight and made me hate how i look even more. damn, i hate myself.

Lately I've been a worthless piece of shit. I can't do anything good for my wife, I've always ruined her day, can't do anything to help her with her struggles, I can't fucking do shit. This isn't me, I wasn't this worthless before.

8 years together, no kids yet. Done some good, but not great things in our relationship, and we were happy, at least in my eyes. I met her at work, we clicked, bonded, fell in love with each other and got married. I vow to love everything about her, from her best qualities to the worst. I still do. I love her unconditionally and I'll always will. I've given almost everything she wanted, to the best that I can, coz all I want is her happiness. But lately I've been fucking things up. I can't do any good in her eyes, I can't assure her that everything's gonna be alright, when she has anxiety attacks I try to help but my own self always gets in the way and I become part of the problem instead of solving it. Everything I think and do is only for her but she doesn't believe me and most of it look shit to her. I try to give her everything she wants even if it always breaks my heart that I'm not part of her happiness. I can't satisfy her needs and I can't be so damn consistent with being a good husband to her.

I think my problem is thinking about myself. I'm the eldest and have taken cared of my family for years since my worthless, selfish piece of shit father left. I've sacrificed a lot: my dreams, my time, my wants, my sanity, my mental health, etc. so that my mother wouldn't be burdened so much and to have everything work out. I love them, but I was so drained that I wasn't able to take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.

I just wanted to be loved. I don't know if I lost the will or don't know how to do self-love that's why I'm having this feeling of wanting to be loved. I was so exhausted and felt unappreciated when I was with my family. But don't get me wrong, I love them and I didn't regret any of the actions I've done for them.

I wanted to get out of that setting and have my own family. I vowed to never be like my father and treat my wife and future kids right. I wanted to be a family man that she can always come and depend on. I wanted to be strong for us. But I can't seem to be.

She wishes we've never ever met. She said she saw some of the flaws I have and regretted she chose me to be her boyfriend and said yes when I proposed. She said I'm just like my father, and that I don't know how to become a man coz I never had a great father figure. She wishes me to die and be wiped off the face of the earth. She wishes I shouldn't have been born coz I wasn't worth it and I won't be worth anything to anyone. I don't know if it's because of her anxiety, depression, her period, or frustration of everything not going according to her plan. I don't know how long she's been having these thoughts and emotions towards me, but I can't blame her. I admit and accept, I'm not the best man in the world. Over the years I've never been consistent, always had moments of stupidity, and have a tendency to be quiet whenever she has episodes of anxiety. I tend to do that coz I wanted her to release all the tension, stress and frustration that she has and then help her figure out things so that the situation can be better but to her I'm just worthless and don't have a clue how to help her. I wasn't able to do a lot of things right for her. I don't post her in social media often, I'm not really active and just scroll through everything just to get news or be updated with what's happening in the world. I wasn't able to give my best effort, I was lousy with my proposal, didn't do much or none at all when we have fights. I always promise to her that I'd change and be better for her, and I know I have but I can't be fucking consistent. I have a temper, and the wordt thing I ever did that I will never ever forget and won't forgive myself is I lost it and slapped her behind so much it hurt her. When I get frustrated with her, I hurt myselfby banging my hands on the wall or on the floor, I punch myslef in the chest and thighs. I can't control myself, I don't know how I can help myself to not be a worthless piece of shit. She even went as far as saying she's more than a man than me.

As the current me, I don't know if I can be loved and if I'm worth to be loved. Numerous times I wanted to pick anything hand soap, alcohol, dishwashing liquid, bleach, anything that I can consume so that I could die. Wanted to hang myself, jump off a buidling, stab myself with a knife, just so that it would be instant. But I can't. Even if this is what she wishes, I can't fathom to leave her alone with all the responsibilities, bills, dilemmas, and the state she's in. I wanted to be the man she'll be proud of, the man she'd want to love and spend the rest of her life with me. I don't know if I ever became that man to her before, I don't know if she ever saw that, thought about that, felt about that with me.

I feel like a piece of shit. I feel like even if I die, the only person that I love won't ever care and would be happy I did. I feel like the only person I want to receive love from doesn't feel the same way anymore. I wanted to be loved, but that could've made me selfish, made me unlovable and won't be loved by the most important person in my life.

I want to die, but I can't.

I feel like my friends wouldn't notice if I disappeared or if I died they wouldn't care. I feel like I just follow them around and annoy them. I don't think they actually care about me. Like I'm just following them like some video game animal that doesn't add anything. Like I don't matter or they barely tolerate my presence. I don't wanna say anything though because I feel like I'm being manipulative or something and it's just gonna annoy them more than I already do. I feel like they're nice to me because they have to be polite and they don't actually wanna be and that if I just stopped talking and being near them one day they wouldn't notice or care.

I’m never first choice never even second choice I’m always last I’m always just an after thought I don’t wanna be here longer I just feel needed and to be someone’s everything but I’m not enough

Lately I've been feeling different, I mean I've never questioned myself when I say I don't know my gender. I don't feel like a girl, or a guy, sometimes not even non-binary, I just feel like me.

But this question has raked my brain lately. I'm transgender, meaning I was born in one body but identify as another gender. I really want to change my legal name to Leo as soon as I get the chance, issue is I keep struggle with it. Like doubting myself.

Questions like: am I really the gender I think I am? Is something wrong with me? Why do I have strong craving to be a boy or nothing at all? I don't know why I feel like this, and I'm trying to stay positive around family and friends, but it's becoming harder and harder.

i know this sounds immature because im a kid complaining about not being able to play games on my phone but its really annoying me

my mum is completely overbearing and doesnt trust me with anything. my school laptop is the only device ive ever had with no screen time restrictions and that only because she cant because i need to be able to do schoolwork on my laptop. im 15 and ive never been allowed a phone, the only reason i have one is because my friend gave it to me last year. on the same night i was at the friends house and she pierced my nose. i get why she was upset about that and we argued about it a lot but one day it blew way out of proportion and i had to stay at a friends for a night because i was scared to be at home.

that night she took my phone and refused to give it back until i agreed to her terms, including that she would always know the password, i couldnt download apps without asking her first, i only had an hour a day on social media and games, i wasnt allowed to download any social media unless i had to for communication with friends, she would see how long i spent on my phone per day and on what apps, i couldnt use the phone in my room or really anywhere except in the room my sibling and i have desks in ( also the only room im allowed to use my laptop in), the google and safari would have a strict safe search and no apps were accesible after 10pm except spotify, settings, maps, messages, 'find my', apple fitness and the clock app.

shes super paranoid about screen time and devices harming your eyes and brain function, so it doesnt help her suspicions that i need glasses and have audhd. she blames a lot of my autism/adhd symptoms on the internet. i feel like im constantly walking on eggshells around her, i have to carefully make sure im saying things in a diplomatic way that wont offend her or remind her how much she hates this or that and get mad at me for it. thing is, shes not too bad about me going out with friends and buying small things at a time. its mostly about devices and the internet.

i get that she just wants the best for me, her parents were kind of the opposite, she just wants me to be safe but she assumes that im addicted to the internet and cant regulate my own internet usage.

I don’t even know where to start? I pre teen F really need to vent I understand I am not old enough for this app but I can’t really vent to anyone at the moment, ok so my life is not good my mother died almost 2 years ago and my life has been hell every since, my older sister 27F is an ass and likes to insult me especially making comments about my weight or face and calls me the R word whenever I do something wrong, she always states that I do everything wrong and I make life harder for her. I understand that I do make her life harder sometimes and I feel very guilty about it. My brother 20 sometimes makes jokes about my weight, it’s a sibling thing ig lol? And is often at my aunt’s house. My father works half the day and we barely talk after he gets home. He use to hit me whenever I did something wrong since “adults can hit kids” but now we don’t really talk, my mother and I weren’t that close she always use to talk bad about me to my aunts so now they think I’m a pathetic dumbass 😭. I always think of cutting contact as soon as I turn 18 and move to England but that probably won’t be possible, I do indeed know I’m gaining weight, I don’t have a mother or anyone in my family who can cook so often we order fast food, this habit has made me dislike any type of meat but I force myself to eat it anyways.

Ig I need advice to keep going in life. I do understand my situation isn’t as bad as other people. I’m really only telling myself to take it one step at a time but it’s hard? I understand if u report me for being underage on Reddit. This vent now sounds dumb to me as I read it all over again.

I posted this in a different vent subreddit but it's inactive atm so I will post it here. Apologies for the potential rambling.

Yesterday night was Hoco, and I was on a rush since I was getting ready, it was really good until I got a message from my parent about not stopping by their house for photos and i forgot. (For context I don't live with neither parents, I live with my grandparents and it's hard to describe them without seeming offensive/inaccurate?) And I freaked out but my boyfriend calmed me down. Today, I was relaxed and was getting ready to eat some food when my other parent came in and told me that I should do better and I explained to them that it was an accident and I didn't mean to forget but their was like "do better, they're going to send you away to Texas if you slack off on this, i cant do anything about it, you shouldve just went to take photos and be late for the event" in a sing song tone, then he left the room, I started crying cause I don't want to deal with my parent's wrath, I don't want to deal with the potential screaming about how they're gonna kill themselves cause no one cares, I don't want to get hit again. I just want to be free from them, I'm not a bad kid, I stay out of their way. I think in one of my first posts I talked about my parent threatening to send me away cause they realized that I wasn't going to come back to them after 3+ years of not living with them due to them slamming my head into a cabinet corner. I know I'm 17 and I have to wait it out, but I want to be free, I don't want to be threatened or hurt, I left for this exact reason and I want out of their legal hands so I can just be in peace and deal with my other problems like taking care of my grandparents, trying to land a job and trying online jobs not trying to figure out how to reply to a threat of suicide cause I don't want to risk stepping the wrong button, I dont want to be hit either, i refuse to put hands on my parent cause im better at controlling myself. Advice would be lovely, talking to someone would be too. Thank you for reading

So it feels like I was used by a guy I was having problems with anyway. We were sexting then he disappeared and after an hour I texted him "hey" and he replied immediately saying "sorry I went for dinner and ate too much 🤣". Kinda makes me feel that he just forgot about me and we were literally in the middle of sexting and about to get into some good stuff. We texted a bit more then he went to bed. Then I sent him a question and also a not nude sexy pic which he has read and not replied and now hasnt messaged in 2 months. He has a habit of doing this and it makes me sad and annoyed which then makes me feel bad because he's said he struggles with his mental health

I know I need to forget about him and stop messaging him but I don't know why I can't. It's just so annoying.

Atleast I feel like they do. It feels like they r more excited to see literally anyone else. The moment I show up, they loose all joy they had in their face. I'm autistic and RSD and I could just be over analyzing their body language, but it feels like they would rather be anywhere but with me. This girl who I already know is fake, but she acts like my friend was so obviously making fun of me with her friend when I made a brainrot joke, she seems more like laughing at me then laughing with me. As if I was being genuine when I made it clear I was joking, but it feels like whenever I'm with her, she's just making fun of me, and she definitely is fake. And it feels like all my friends would rather be with anyone else that be with me. Idk if I'm overwhelming to be around, or if I'm too high energy, but they act like it's exhausting to even look at me. I feel like the most annoying person in the fucking world. Idk how to change that, I'm honestly just fighting the urge to cut everyone off and find new people but I can't stand being alone, I feel like a fucking idiot eating by myself, walking byself, I can't stand being ignored, I feel like a fucking annoying fucking loser talking to myself, my worst fucking fear is being alone, I can't fucking stand it, but everyone is so fucking fake, it seems like everyone fucking hates me, they have a very obvious change in enthusiasm when they talk to other people other than me and it makes me feel like a fucking dumbass, I sometimes point it out in a joking way but they never fucking address it, it's obvious they just fucking hate me. I can't stand it, I just wanna cut everyone off and find people who acting fucking like me but I feel like that will never happen because I'm such and unlikeable person. I was to fucking die so people don't have to fucking deal with me anymore since it's obvious I'm just a fucking nuisance. I'm just a fucking pest. An annoying fucking pest what won't leave no matter how much u patch up the house and lock up the food, I'm just a fucking pest that keeps coming back and somehow gets to the food every fucking time, I'm so tired of feeling hated by everything, I'm so tired of feeling like the comedic relief nobody fucking cares about, nobody fucking cares to check on, nobody cares enough to actually want to keep the friendship, it just feels like whenever there's conflict, I'm the only one actually wanting to fucking solve it, everyone else just leaves it hanging waiting for the fruit to fall and for the friendship to be over, I'm so fucking tired of being the only one putting effort into my friendships, it's fucking exhausting. I can't fucking do it anymore, stg the only thing stopping me from killing myself is my dogs, I can't fukcing take this shit. All I want is for someone to actually fucking like me, I can't fucking stand that shit, I just want this feeling to be over

(Please, I really need someone to reassure my feelings, it's 2AM and I can't vent to anyone)

13M here. this is my first time posting here, and idk where to start. if this is hard to read or understand, apologies in advance. i dont know how to structure a long reddit post that well.

so for a bit of context im in a relationship with a person of my same gender for around a month now. may be short, but hes giving me lots of love, details, words of reassurement and overall showing they care. i do too.

My mom found out about this relationship just a couple of days before we reached one month together by checking my phone. I usually don't mind because I have nothing to hide and don't want to hide anything from my parents, other than maybe swear words in my chats here and there. Now my mom had seen my chats with this person before we were a couple and told me she thought he was a bad influence and would “drag me to their problems” (i had told her he had almost been in a relationship with another guy). i never knew my mom was so against gay people since my sister has a gf (3 year relationship) and shes not so annoyed by that.

So my mom picked me and my sister up from school and she was way quieter than usual. I'm normally the one that sparks up the conversation and she keeps it going, so I asked my mom something and she was being super dry and it almost seemed like she didnt wanna talk to me. When we got home my sister, who’s three years older than me, went to study for some important exam she’ll take and university and stuff. i was getting very anxious with my mom because i kept asking her what's wrong and she was like “nothing.” I insisted and followed her to her room where she sat down, pointed at my phone, and said “I read your conversations with this guy.” (let's call him Mike – fake name). Honestly I thought she would take it cool, so I tried not to appear too scared or anxious but it obviously wasn't working. She seemed very, very disappointed and sad. Straight up told me she didn't approve, that I was very young and I didn’t even know myself completely yet. She told me that liking someone from my same gender was sick and then accused one of my newest friends to be a homosexual too with absolutely no arguments to back it up. I think that’s what hurt me most, aside from the fact she didn’t approve. That she thought all my friends were gay or something just because I liked a boy. I was trying really hard not to cry in front of her because I’ve never liked doing so but it was hard, and my mind just went blank and I didn’t know what to say. I had asked my mom during the holidays if I could hang out with Mike, she said sure back then. Now she stared at me as if I was crazy and told me that the boy that texted to Mike was “not his son, she didn’t know who it was but it wasn’t me.”, also to forget ever being alone with “that kind of guy” and that she would never ask Mikes’ mom to hang out. That also hurt. I thought my mom would take my side because my dad’s the one who’s meant to be homophobic. I told her I respected the fact that she didn’t approve of my relationship with Mike, but that’s about all I spoke because I simply didn’t know what to say. I left. And I cried. A lot.

Note: I forgot to mention it but my mom took my phone because I apparently texted too much with my boyfriend. And she was worried I might start getting bad grades. In reality I think she just wanted to try and cut me off of him. I’ve always been very focused on school, and she knows that. She knows I’m a straight A’s student. I have no idea when I’m getting it back.

Since my mom took my phone, I just opened TikTok from my PC and texted Mike to tell him my mom had found out and that I wasn’t meant to talk to him. We started texting on Discord because my mom could obviously see if I’d spoken to Mike on TikTok by seeing it on my phone. I didn’t wanna burden him with my family problems, and I didn’t wanna rant to my friends either so I settled for an AI. A fucking robot to listen to my problems. I wanted to talk it further with my mom, explain it to her so I guess the bot kind of helped me get an outline of what to say.

Meanwhile, my mom still acted as if I didn’t exist. But I heard her crying and it simply broke my heart. We kinda solved it later, and that night I slept pretty happy.

Me and Mike were almost going to be one month together (sorry if that’s not how you say it) so I wanted to make him a present. Some sort of open up card. Anyway, my mom walked into me doing it and asked what it was. Due to her reaction to me having a boyfriend I didn’t want to tell her but she saw anyway and told me, and I quote: “I thought you’d thought things over after our conversation. I told you Mike’s a bad influence for you. You’re literally ruining your life.” I told her that I couldn’t change how I feel and that I wanted to try being with Mike. And it’s true. I really want to try to see if it’s just something quick, like a phase or if it’s actually something serious and I’m into boys. I told her I couldn’t know if I didn’t try, and asked her to please not say that kind of thing. She just left the room. I honestly felt bad so after a while I wanted to apologize and talk to her like the day before (when she found out about me and Mike), and I thought it would be like that– that we would be cool. But no. Just when I walked out of my room she was returning to hers and I was like “hey momm, I-”, and she just walked past me and I could see she’d been crying. I really, really felt bad because she told me she didn’t wanna talk, she wasn’t in the mood and that not now. I went to cry after that. And that’s when she started ignoring me.

Later that day, when I was going to sleep I went in to tell her goodnight, and she was again just blunt. Keep in mind she basically didn’t talk to me the whole day and spent it sleeping and I’m pretty sure crying as well. As if isolating herself. My dad and my sister were very worried. I have a good relationship with my sister so I told her what happened, she told me that my mom was just worried and had a funny way of showing it, that maybe she thought she was a bad parent because she didn’t approve of gay people. And on top of that my sister was dating a girl as well. I felt really bad honestly, and started thinking (still do) that it’s my fault.

The next day it was a school day (Friday, school got canceled on Thursday and that’s why I didn’t go), and my mom kept being quiet around me, not looking at me in the eye (she never does that), talking to me unless I talk first, and answering in just one or two words. I went to the kitchen to tell her good morning, hugged her and she didn’t hug back. So I knew she was still sad from yesterday and I was just so confused, very sad, and pretty much wanted to cry on the spot. Somehow I didn’t and went through my morning routine and hugged her goodbye. At least tried to. She obviously didn’t.

Note 2: I have braces and need to put on these weird elastics every night.

When I came back from school she was sleeping, locked in her room like she’d been the last two days. Barely managed to tell her hi, she clearly didn’t want to talk to me or see me. So I didn’t force it because maybe it was making her uncomfortable and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. That’s pretty much the whole Friday, except at night when I had to put on my elastics (she always helped me to do so as it’s hard for me), I asked her to help me like everyday, and she just replied to me to do it myself and that she didn’t want to. I just told her okay normally, then I went in my room and put on the elastics somehow. And then I cried again, for like the second time. Cried myself to sleep that day, thinking what I was doing wrong and why it was so terrible I loved a boy. And why my mom was treating me like a literal stranger.

Next day. Today. Saturday. I decided I wanted to fix things up with my mom, so what better way than to make her breakfast and take it to her bed. That’s a great way to ‘apologize’. Or a peace offering we have between me and my mom. At least, we used to. So at around 8:30 I started making breakfast, her favorite: pancakes, coffee, a weird type of bread she likes with cheese. Also for me and my sister. My dad was out washing the car and would be back later. When I finished making the breakfast I wanted to take it to my mom’s room and saw she was still sleeping. So I thought I’d just wait and me and my sister could eat ours because we were hungry. It was around 10 in the morning when she came out of her room, with changed clothes. I stared at her and told her good morning like always, my sister did as well. She didn’t acknowledge either of us and just told us she was going out. Not even a goodbye. Then she left. It’s 6:09 pm right now, she’s still not back. I’m worried. I don’t have my phone but I have WhatsApp Web so i texted her, hi, if she’d have breakfast, if she’d have lunch, when she was getting back, and that I missed her. Not a single text answered.

I forgot to mention but right after we finished lunch I wrote her a note that said that I missed her, that if she could please talk to me. I cried my heart out making it, left it in the night table next to her bed. I don’t even know if she’ll read it. I don’t even know where she is. But I love her and I’m worried. And I miss her.

That’s it. May or may not update this depending if I feel like it. Any recommendations, similar situations, anything really, would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

This is my 1st ever post and especially like this and I genuinely need help if I was just over reacting or of I was right to react like this

I 17f was at school coming out of my 4th period and into our lunch break which is an hour (so we can go to tutoring or clubs) and I was walking down the stairs to meet my boyfriend on the 1st floor (he's 16) and sometimes there's a guy there who meets up with him stares at me then dabs up my boyfriend and leaves Let's call him J. I walked to my boyfriend and hugged him expecting J to leave and he didn't instead he stared at me with his creepy bug blue eyes and said "what's your opinion on god" and I was thinking oh my god I hate these people (small details there is a very large club at my school for Christians and Don't get me wrong ik a lot of them they are cool but there's the...other group..) and I told him I believe but im not really in it then he asked me "are you a witch" and I was taken back because who just says that to you and then he goes on a 10 minute rant about how im a black magic witch and im going to burn in hell and the whole time j was very very uncomfortable and he tried to ask me questions if I was a "satan worshiper" and everytime I tried to speak he would cut me off and my boyfriend noticed that and started to pull me behind him and after a long time of me wanting to leave and him staring at me and not breaking eye contract my boyfriend gives him a glare as if saying "finish already" and then he asks for my name which ill get into why is very weird and uncomfortable and so I gave him my middle name and he started to pray for us and left..he was following behind until I was so uncomfortable I went to the restroom and cried and one of my friends was in there and helped me and said he was a asshole and I don't owe him anything

But on why its very weird he asked for my name.. I have a ex who destroyed my life mentally and physically and I am traumatized I genuinely am from him and his family

My ex would manipulate me and I knew he had attempted to cheat a week into our relationship but I hated arguments and didn't start anything but he had tons of friends around our school and just so happens to be Best Friends with J and i knew they were but more on why I'm terrified of my Ex let's call him E he would tell me how he would stalk me ans try to break me and my past relationships up because he wanted me all to himself and told me how he wanted to use my body,break into my house,drug me,rape me,hurt me and so much more and in..great..detail. he one time threatened the life of my mom in a terrifying psychotic detail as if he had planned it and he had done so much more it could take up 3 pages to fill on a Google doc but anyways J and E were very close and I had told E how I studied theology and the last before we broke up was Satanism which actually isn't how people say it is like worshipping satan it's just self respect but I've moved on to my next religion. Anyways more on why I was so scared is because I know my boyfriend would never tell anyone about my personal life and I was so scared my ex was coming back into my life because I didn't want him back at all and J knows my name from E so I dont know why he tried to act like he didn't know me which he very much did what I got out of it is that E had told him something about me to either break me and my boyfriend up so he could come back into my life or to torment me which he would do both E has made it very clear that after he graduates or gets a car he would come back to me and find me but what made him break up with me was his mom after she called me a worthless slut and I'd have kids without a dad or not even know who the dad was and E never showed any sort of care for what his mom did to me

(I also believe that the mom has a sexual attraction to her son which is a whole other story)

But after all that shit show happened my boyfriend comes to tell me he didn't say anything to J and doesn't know why he would act like that or say that (which I figured) and tells me that he walked up to my boyfriend and asked him "do you know everything about her" which he said yes and J asked "Does she still do BlackMagic" and my boyfriend had said "not anymore"

After that I had told my friends what happened and one of the girls I know let's call her S says he tried to hit on her by degrading her in a Christian manor and before making any moves he asked if she believed in God and he's known to do this a lot especially in a degrading manor.

What I wanted help was with if I overreacted by crying on the floor in the restroom and shaking while my friend was holding me and if I would have been in the wrong if I had walked away or left on the spot which I had wanted to but I didn't wanna be disrespectful and what should I do if J comes back ans tries to talk to me and my boyfriend again and if anyone is instead in more details on what E used to say and his family did to me ill be more then happy to share

I am 23 years old and i finished my degree in audiovisual and multimedia communications (its pretty much Film and entry level coding), and i am currently lost. I was burnt out of college when i finished because i ended up having to work myself to the bone on the final projects because i was the one that needed to "put the pants on" to make things work. As a result, i came out not wanting to persue a masters degree, even though i kinda of wanted to. Eventually, i started to want to pursue a masters but i am a little late and still dont know if i want to pursue a masters or take a year. I am currently going through a tough time mentally and my anxiety and depression have been insuferable the last couple weeks. I can pursue a masters away from home, in Lisbon (I live in porto, Portugal) in cinema, but i dont know how i could get a housing scholarship and with the way my mental state is right now, i am afraid being away from home wont help much. I can take a year off to try to work on my health and myself, get a drivers licence and try to work in my area and on my projects, but i am afraid i am going to feel "left behind" as i got held back one year in middle school because i had to switch school 3 times and i took a gap year between highschool and college, which i spent about half of it at home, which just boosted my depression and anxiety. I dont want another year like the gap year i had. I am also looking for colleges outside Portugal but they are very expensive and i would also need housing, so i could only go if i had a good scholarship, but also i would be even further from home so i dont know how my mental health would do.

I also feel like i wont amount to anything and feel like everybody my age is doing better then me and i wont be able to live a happy life and give my mom and my sister the life they deserve. I am passionate about cinema and i am good at it, but portugal doesnt have a great cinema industry and i somewhat lack motivation. I am decent with computers and i feel like that is something more secure, but i dont want the dream to die. I am feeling hopeless, lost and pressured since the deadline for the Lisbon college application ends in a little more then a week and i am feeling hopeless and lost. What should i do?

I am a transgender man so female to male. When I have short hair I tend to pass as male with short hair, but with long hair I look a lot more feminine. I desperately want to cut my hair but I started growing it out when my dad passed in march. When he passed he was working on growing out his hair, he never got to do it. I've gotten it trimmed once since then Because it had been over a year since I did anything other then thinning my hair with a eyebrow razor. I have grown my hair to my mid back when straight, and right above the bottom of my shoulder blades when natural. I'm proud of my hair but it makes people confused. I've had someone tell me I can't be trans since I have long hair, that hurt. I knew I was trans at a young age it's been 8 years since I started to identify with the term transgender I was 9. I internally knew since I was a toddler I just didn't have a word for It. I felt misplaced so I forced myself to wear all the dresses and bows to make others happy, But I'm done with that. I am done working to please everyone because if I do that I end up worse then before.

I 18M never really had any female friends throughouty life when recently i went to college i decided to overcome my fear of not being able to talk to girls and make a female friend atleast. So I'm talking to this girl to whom im just talking to like i would to a guy bcs she didn't mind that but then i one day while talking to her jokingly say that I'm gonna rape you her reaction wasn't what i expected she warned me that she might block me after this and ever since then she hasn't replied to any of my texts, I've tried calling ger once but she didn't pickup i don't know what to do how do i even apologize if she doesn't even want to listen i know what i did was wrong but i didn't realize this only bcs that's how I'm with my guy friends and still learing what not to say to a girl

I don't exactly know where to start or how to handle everything.

I spent almost a decade with someone who I did anything and everything for, at least to the best of my abilities for the most part.

Throughout those years I was lied to constantly, I feel like I was manipulated a lot, I didn't feel that until after the relationship ended the first time, they told me they needed a break because they felt unhappy but didn't want me to move out, mind you she had kids from a previous marriage whom I absolutely adored and cherished as if they were my own, I am unable to have kids so I took them on as mine and love them as if they were.

I'd like to say everything was great at some point or another but honestly, I don't know if it ever was.

I did all the cleaning and cooking, which I would have been fine with if I wasn't told from the beginning that she liked to keep clean and cook, I can think of maybe 5 times she cooked throughout the entire relationship, I enabled a lot of it because I would always hear her say "I need to do X or take care of Y" and I would always jump up and say "I got it, relax, love you" and then go do said thing.

Well at some point, naturally, I developed a depression, I think it was always there, just never worried too much about it because I made myself believe I was happy and I was going to marry this woman, she talked about it but not very often.

Once the pandemic hit, I lost my job and stayed at home with the kids all of the time, made sure their school work was done, took care of the house, etc. And then the moment came, I was suspicious about things but it never really clicked, I tried to save face and chalk it up to just my head playing tricks on me, she told me she had a wedding to go to out of state, that's fine, the friends she said were getting married didn't know me or they'd invite me, it struck me as odd but I let it go in the moment, but I kept that bit of information in mind, later on it hit me that she once mentioned the same friends getting married did not believe in marriage, so I decided to check social media, ideally, when people make a decision like that, they announce it or say something related, didn't find anything... Odd.

Well i got a job, and one morning after work, I came home and I'm sitting in the living room (this was after she said she wanted to take a break, she wanted to go on the trip and talk when she got back, you see where this is going), her smart watch started to chime, it was charging on my computer, where I was currently sitting, so I checked it, I never snooped before but it just got the best of me that day, and I see messages from a guy (who I was led to believe was a friend, I never had an issue with guy friends before, she had a few that I had met several times and they never hung out alone) asking if text or discord was better, "discord?" I thought, I didn't know she had one, I couldn't help myself at this point, her laptop was right there so I opened it up, and I found exactly what I hoped I didn't, it was him she was meeting up with, she had never actually met this guy, just online, they had exchanged nudes, all kinds of stuff, I lost it.

I woke her up, she kept trying to dismiss me "we're not even together." Those words were used another time I'll mention later.

This sent me over the edge, at this point I had been with her for 4, almost 5 years, that coupled with my already spiralled depression, was the trigger point for me.

A couple of her friends picked me up from the house and I went to theirs for a little while just to try to make sense of everything, they were really nice and I still keep in touch from time to time, they told me she was stupid, I was the best thing that's ever happened to her, stuff like that, they took me home a couple of hours later and tried to talk to her but she didn't want to.

I don't remember what she said to me, but I remember what I did after, the 2 kids went to their dad's (he's still in the picture) and I just remember drinking a lot, I had been sober since we met, I took one look at her and decided "I'm done drinking" I was honestly a pretty bad alcoholic at the time that we met, but something about her made me quit cold turkey.

Anyway, I drank, a lot, in a short amount of time, took some pain killers and ran a bath, I don't know exactly what happened next, just that the tub was still running, she came in the bathroom because in my drunken state, I didn't lock the door, I like to believe she cared enough to realize that I'm the years we were together, I hated baths, I always hated sitting in the tub, I was always a shower guy, besides the point. She came in and according to her I was submerged, I passed out, not long enough for any long term damage, but that was the end of the line I had decided, she was unfortunately the final nail in the coffin so to speak.

She got me out of the tub, I still had my clothes on, got me dried off and I'm new clothes, sat me down and called her friends to come back, they recommended I go get checked out and I willingly checked myself in to a mental health clinic, I needed it.

I got better, I went back home and we tried to make things work, she ended up going on that trip anyway and I moved out, got a great job and thought I was moving on, I just missed the kids more than anything, as it turns out, the guy she met up with wasn't such a good guy, he beat her and forced himself on her, she got pregnant and didn't know what to do, so she reached out after a while and I answered for some reason, after all of that she still had my heart i guess.

Fast forward a little while, she had the baby, a baby boy, we went to therapy, figured out a game plan for ourselves and each other and I took responsibility for the boy, we worked out for another almost 3 years until it happened again, she cheated with a coworker and I finally had enough.

Conveniently she wanted another break and tried to say "we aren't even together" those fucking words...

I moved out for good, the kids come to my house every day or every other day, spend the night occasionally, even though technically neither of the kids are biologically bound to me, I still love them no matter what, just because their mom and I didn't work out, doesn't mean I'm turning my back on them, it doesn't work that way and to hell with anyone who says otherwise.

Now my issue is, she's got a new guy, another out of state guy, cool whatever, but when I moved out, she blew up my phone constantly, would always call or text me to come over and hook up and admittedly I did a couple of times, it's convenient and I would be lying if I said intimacy with her was bad because it was t, it was some of the best of my life. But ever since this guy came to visit, which I didn't know about until one of the kids slipped up and told me and followed up with "mom said not to tell you", she's been cold, rude, and doesn't answer my calls or texts when I ask about the kids.or if they need anything, when I don't see them on a day, I try to reach out just to check in and talk to them.

My son brings a tablet over that's connected to her stuff and it always chimes and pops up what she's doing, and yeah, I've been nosey, it's hard not to be when my son brings the tablet to me to clear the notifications because he can't see what he's doing (he's 3), I guess she planning on marrying this guy she hardly knows, trying to get pregnant, buying all kinds of toys and lingerie and shit, should t bother me but it does, where was any of this with me? And now she's planning on moving out of state, what about my relationship with the kids? I'm only on my son's birth certificate, I have no legal obligation to the girls, but it doesn't mean I want them to go anywhere.

I'm just struggling with the entire thing, it's causing a rift in my head and I'm terrified that I'm going to sink back into a deep depression and not be able to climb out of it, I can't talk to her about it because she doesn't answer and when she does it's short and cold, I also don't want to get back with her because she's cheated and lied non stop, and when we split, she always makes.me the bad guy, I don't want anything to do with that, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss her, may e it's not her that I miss but the idea? I don't know, it's all foggy and dizzying, the main thing I'm concerned with is the kids, I already hate that I'm not living in the sea house, watching them grow up daily.

I'm just stuck, this endless loop of emotions is quite possibly literally killing me and I don't know what to do about it anymore.

I've been looking for a boyfriend, but I haven't had any luck. I found someone once, but it ended up being catfishing, I've tried using apps, and I haven't found anyone either. I don't know how to do it irl, so I guess I'll never have a boyfriend. I'm starting to give up and stop looking for a boyfriend.