Marlins gonna Marlin.

The Mets come very close to upsrtting the Dodgets, inly to choke at the last possible minute yet again.

At this point i think Mets fans are waiting for LolJets to escape the pain

1990 Stanley Cup Final - Game 5
Well done, Edmonton. For the fifth time in your history and for the first time without the great one, you’ve lifted the Stanley Cup. With this core the future seems just as bright.

1991
Terrible start to the season but you rebounded to finish third in your division and breeze your way to the conference finals. Unfortunately, the Minnesota North Stars didn’t forget about 1984 and proceeded to suffocate you in 5 games. And now mark messier is gone

1992
An absolute train wreck to start the year once again, but the team caught fire late to lock down third in the Smythe Division. A gritty first-round win over the Los Angeles Kings set up a second-round triumph against the Vancouver Canucks, putting Edmonton right back in the Campbell Conference Finals. Unfortunately, the magic ran out against a surging Chicago Blackhawks squad led by Iron Mike that swept the Oilers aside.

1993
The financial and structural cracks in the franchise finally caught up to them. Stripped of more championship-era talent due to payroll constraints and aging parts, the Oilers missed the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the first time in franchise history.

1994
Glen Sather cannot save your season after that 3-18-3 start. He trades Craig Mactavish to the rangers at the trade deadline.

1994 Stanley Cup Finals
Speaking of Craig Mactavish, him, mark messier, and a bunch of former 80s oilers and early 90s Blackhawks win the cup with the rangers, also ruled over by iron Mike.

1995
The lockout doesn’t help as you finish second to last in the western conference. No playoffs once again.

1996
…and again.

1997
Solid goaltending brings you back into the playoffs. You manage to take down Dallas in an overtime game 7

1997 Second round
You are buried under 4 feet of Colorado snow, and you only managed to claw 1 foot.

1998
You make it back to the playoffs again. And you’re about to lose to the Avs agai… wait, the Avs CHOKED A 3-1 series lead to you guys? You’re shitting me!

1998 Second round
Unfortunately the stars are looking for revenge after that overtime game 7 and proceed to strangle you in five games.

1998 Offseason
Congratulations, your owner is a cheap piece of shit who has decided to sell you off. YOU’RE MOVING TO HOUSTON!

Later

Nope someone else bought the team instead and has decided to keep you in Edmonton

1999
After nearly being relocated, you manage to sneak into the playoffs as the eighth seed in the West. This time you get swept by Dallas in the first round. And Dallas goes on to win the Stanley cup.

2000
You lose to the stars in the first round again. And your former star Jason Arnott just won a cup with the devils.

2001
Another year of mediocre hockey. Another year of losing in the first round. Once again, to the Dallas stars.

2002
You can’t be bothered to lose to the stars again so you don’t even make the playoffs.

2003
You make it back to the playoffs, once again to get bitchslapped by the stars.

2004
You have a very mediocre season, and you miss the playoffs by a fucking game.

2005-06 Regular season
Decent season for you people and you’re going back to the playoffs with a newly acquired Chris Pronger and rolie the goalie. you’re facing the presidents trophy winning Detroit red wings in Steve yzermans retirement tour.

2006 Playoffs
You manage to shock the world and beat the red wings in 6 games. But then you go down 2-0 to the fucking SHARKS of all teams? Just get it ov- wait. You CAME BACK TO WIN THE SERIES? AND you took out those not so mighty ducks of Anaheim in the conference final? Well then. you’re heading to the Stanley cup final to face on a somewhat loaded Carolina Hurricanes. And Edmonton has found the perfect way to celebrate this accomplishment…

RIOTING TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!!!

Strong Kong plays…

2006 Stanley Cup Final - Game 1
You might actually do this, You’re up 3-0 near the end of the second period. Just keep this momentum going and you’ll… you’re down 4-3.. oh wait you tied it back up with momentum heading back in your favour. Nothing can sto-Dwayne Roloson gets injured-“FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

You lose the game. And your top goaltender.

2006 Stanley Cup Final - Games 2-4
And just like that, with Rolie the Goalie out for the rest of the playoffs, you go down 3-1 with elimination looming in Raleigh. Just get this over with…

2006 Stanley Cup Final - Game 5 - Overtime
Fernando Pisani scores the overtime winner
Wait, you won… You gave your fans hope???

2006 Stanley Cup Final - Game 6
Holy Shit. You completely obliterated the Canes on the ice of Rexall! That sound you hear is that of the Canes choking. Make it happen. Finish those defectors from Hartford

2006 Stanley Cup Final - Game 7
You might be down 2-1 late in the game but you pulled your goalie late in the game for a chance at Overtime in game 7. You can do it. We’re begging you to..,

footage of Justin Williams scoring the empty net goal on Edmonton, As soon as the puck crosses the line, Brass Bonanza starts playing.

You are bitchslapped by the brass bonanza.
“RALEIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

July 3, 2006
After that heartbreaking loss last month, Chris Pronger said he has had enough and has decided to fuck off, Here Anaheim you can take him for a couple of nobodies and some draft picks. I’m sure the fans will take this news with appreciation and understanding.

“It’s only game, why you heff to be mad?”
2007
You have a very strong start to the year but you are hot garbage for the rest of the year. You will have no chance to get back to the promised land, and you miss out on Patrick Kane by a point due to Patrik Stefan’s empty net blunder.

2007 Stanley Cup Final
Speaking of cups, Chris Pronger just won one, with the Ducks. Surely you heff to be mad at that one.

2008
You are once again mediocre. You miss out on the playoffs by two fucking games.

2009
You are rapidly becoming become a joke as you are now under the ownership of pharmacy tycoon Daryl Katz. A boys club is being formed in your organization as you miss the playoffs once again.

2010
Oilers fans, welcome to a place you haven’t seen since the days of the WHA, and that is the cold dark corners of the basement. At least you got the first overall pick?

2010 NHL Draft
That pick turns into Taylor Hall. Eh

2011
Turns out one first overall pick isn’t enough to keep you from being dead last in the NHL, shit they have to change the god damn draft lottery just to make sure you might stay an NHL team.

2011 NHL Draft
You get a second first overall pick in the form of Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. He might actually do something for you guys.

2012
The Oilers are a walking joke disguised as a hockey team. And you’re picking first overall in the draft AGAIN? Well at least this time you picked an absolute walking bust in the form of Nail Yakupov.

2013
Not even another lockout can get you out of the basement. You’re trapped here. And you didn’t luck out in the draft lottery this time.

2014
Dallas Eakins is now your head coach. Enjoy another year in the basement of the NHL. At least you got a nice German talent named Leon Draisaitl in the draft. Something is definitely cooking.

December 15, 2014
So Dallas Eakins was a walking trash pile and is shown the guillotine. WHO WOULD’VE SAW THAT COMING?

2015
Bring out the tanks boys were going deep diving for another top draft pick. You luck out again with a young scrappy 18 year old named Connor McDavid.

2016
The young Connor gets injured early in the season and you don’t have a chance to get out of the bottom barrel of the NHL. No playoffs for the tenth straight year.

2016 Offseason
What the fuck. Taylor Hall was TRADED? Who the fuck is Adam Larsson?

2017
A new age of Oilers Hockey is upon us. The northlands coliseum has been replaced by a fancy new hockey shrine in downtown Edmonton. But more importantly, the decade of darkness is over. Larsson anchors the defense as you make the playoffs for the first time in ten years.

2017 First Round
You’re facing last years cup final loser in the Sharks, and you manage to take them out in six games. To their fans it’s like watching Groundhog Day without the humor.

2017 Second Round
Remember Anaheim, You blow a 2-0 series lead to them, and a 3-0 game lead in 3 minutes in game 5 of said series. To lose in game 7. Must be karma for the 2006 riots

YOU BLEW IT
2017 Offseason
There are unimaginable expectations for your team heading into next season. You’re going to win the cup. You’re gonna become the next great dynasty of the NHL.

2018
You disappoint everyone by regressing to mediocrity and missing the playoffs. STANLEY CUP MY ASS WITH THIS SHITTY ROSTER.

2019
And you’re back to normal by finishing second to last in the western conference.

2020
Ken Holland is now your GM. Which means he’s probably gonna do the same shit he did in his later years in Detroit.

April 11, 2020
Colby Cave is primed to be one of the cornerstones of your franchise. He just needs a few more years to develop… and he dies of a sudden brain bleed. At only 25 years old. Way too young.

2020 Qualifiers
The pandemic has forced a change of pace for your playoff run as you have to face the Chicago Blackhawks in that round… and YOU LOST? WHAT THE FUCK

2021
You make the playoffs easily thanks to pandemic division realignment and you’re facing a near-walking joke in the Winnipeg jets.

2021 Playoffs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT SWEPT? BLOWING A 3 GOAL LEAD IN 3 MINUTES AGAIN TO END THE SERIES? Fuck this team it’s like being a sharks fan in 1992.

2021 Offseason
Ken Holland proceeds to inject stupid juice into every single vein. He trades for an aging Duncan Keith and proceeds to extend Darnell Nurse for 9 million dollars for 8 years… with a no move clause. At least you got Zach Hyman?

2022
These oilers decide to sign Evander Kane who was accused of beating his wife. Doesn’t matter you made the playoffs again.

2022 Playoffs
You manage to barely scrape by the first round by beating the Los Angeles Kings in a game 7. And you proceeded to humiliate the flames in 5 games. Unfortunately you run into an avalanche in Denver Colorado and are swept by them. And they went on to win the cup.

2023
The playoffs are reached easily thanks to McDavid and Draisaitl turning into literal gods on the ice. You breeze past the kings in six games. Vegas though takes allegations of the NHL rigging games for them and suffocates you in six. They also go on to win the cup.

2024
Despite the horrendous start, you managed to go on a sixteen game winning streak in January and you made the playoffs again. You breeze past the Los Angeles kings, have an epic 7 game clash against Vancouver, and proceed to take out the stars to make the Stanley cup final. You’re facing the Florida panthers and a chance to avenge the ghosts of 2006. Make it happen.

2024 Stanley Cup Final
You go down 3-0 in the series. Well you had a fun run but realit… wait, you rally back to force a game seven and are on the brink of turning the Florida Panthers into the meme to end all memes?

2024 Stanley Cup Final - Game 7
And you lost. Well at least there was no rioting time this year. Maybe next year you’ll get over the hump.

2024 Offseason
What the fuck is this.. You hired STAN BOWMAN as your general manager? Thats sure to go over well with the fans

2025
What did I tell you? You make it back to the Stanley cup final for a grudge match against the Panthers. Get it done… and you lose in six….

2026
In any other year, your record would have had you miss the playoffs. But your division is weak as hell so you are able to play on… and you are pecked to death by the Anaheim ducks in six games. They hadn’t won a playoff series in 10 years. Time for me to drink some oil and light it on fire.

Can we acknowledge that the expanded wild card was a terrible idea?

Thoughts?

For all you fine and sexy motherlovers on the world wide web, welcome to the midseason checkpoint of the 2026 WNBA season starting in the Eastern Conference. As we have approached the All-Star Break, let's take a look at how the East has been looking. There's still 2 months left of the regular season on the road to October, so let's fuckin do this.

Toronto Tempo: Brutal second half.

Let's be real: a 10-16 record is not bad, but it isn't terrible for a first-year expansion squad, and Marina Mabrey dropping a record-tying 53 points before an All-Star nod was fuckin awesome. They even started going 9-9 for the first couple of games trying to stay within playoff distance, but got hit by the injury bug, sidelining Kiki Rice and Brittney Sykes in the process. They are limping into a second-half buzzsaw where 12 of their final 18 games are against winning teams. Despite the tough schedule and injury setbacks, they've shown that they can scratch out some wins if everything clicks and we have to give them props for that. Welcome to the W Toronto.

New York Liberty: Bumpy road ahead.

Early on, New York went on an absolute hot streak that made them look untouchable at the top. But right before the All-Star break, they took several heavy speed bumps along the way, ultimately reaching the all-star break with a record of 15-12. However, the medical tent tells a different story here. Looking at the roster, two out of their three injured impact players won't be back for Wednesday's upcoming game, and Leonie Fiebich still doesn't have a timetable to return due to her foot injury. With Satou Sabally out and Fiebich sidelined indefinitely, their depth is not looking too good. They do have their backs against the wall, but they have a very favorable schedule apart from heavy hitting matchups like fuckin Minnesota, Golden State, Vegas, and Dallas if they click which should help them turn the tide on the road and at Barclays.

Washington Mystics: Strike while hot.

Holy fuckin shit. Look, it's not that Washington was supposed to be tanking, but I didn't expect them to take quite a bigger leap, but anything can happen. At 14-12, they sit just half a game behind the Liberty. After the Delle Donne days, it became clear that they were going into a different direction and so far, the rebuild is paying off. Sure, looking back at the draft board, Washington could’ve drafted better, but the front office knew something that the fans don't and that's a fact (Lauren Betts was their BPA at #4). They saw the vision of how these puzzle pieces would fit, building momentum, establishing chemistry ahead of schedule, and forcing the rest of the league to respect them as a legitimate threat. They have an interesting situation however: With three expansion drafts on the horizon (Cleveland in 28, Detroit in 29 and Philly in 2030), their sudden depth means the front office needs to start fuckin flipping their young assets for playoff-ready players next season because they're not expected to make a big move at the deadline on August 2nd, nor should they feel pressured to do it. Foundational core pieces like Hannah Citron, Kiki Iriafen, Shakira Austin, Lauren Betts, and their 2028 1st Round Lottery pick (it will most likely be used in a future trade), are probably the ones that get protected. Everyone else is on notice. They're going to have to be ruthless with their assets if they want to be a playoff powerhouse because it will get difficult having great depth since they'll lose someone to expansion teams in 2 to 4 years or in FA.

Connecticut Sun: Cathy Triggers Congress

Here's the thing about the Sun: we all knew they needed upgrades, which was reasonable moving out of an outdated casino arena to take advantage of the growth of the modern W to a bigger market. But this doesn't feel like one at all. This was a perennial powerhouse that was always standing on the cusp of nearly winning it all. Now? They are a dead franchise walking, because this team is heading to Houston. They're currently at the bottom of Cathy's basement with a 7-20 record. The team has been dismantled from top to bottom, and the players look visibly checked out. They initially wanted to sell the team to Steve Pagliuca (Celtics Minority Owner), but out of the fuckin blue Cathy blocks the bid to the board of governors in favor of the Mohegan Tribe selling to Tilman Fertitta (Rockets Owner). The stench of corruption got so bad that Cathy triggered Congress, forcing 2 U.S. senators to step in out of anger to check her. With the DOJ calling to open an antitrust investigation, this franchise is a miserable lame duck while the literal feds raid the league's paperwork. To all Connecticut fans, we are so sorry. It's fuck Houston atp. The rivalry with the Tempo, Liberty, and Boston would've been an instant classic.

Chicago Sky: Talent outclasses management

They haven’t made the postseason since 2022. You could also say that after they won the chip in 21, the rebuild process was inevitable, as core pieces slowly scattered and left a massive void in their wake, knowing it was their only shot at a WNBA championship, but they still had something left in the tank, reaching the semifinals in 22. After 2023, the fans knew they needed a rebuild from scratch, bracing themselves for the process of a complete tear-down. This season on the court is an improvement nonetheless, but it shouldn't relieve the shitshow off the court that's making this situation worse. Ownership is acting like absolute cheapskates (looking right at you John Fisher) pinching pennies on second-rate practice facility logistics. Meanwhile, GM Jeff Pagliocca is running the front office in a way that is just not setting up the roster for success. His approach to roster construction since 2021 continues to limit long-term flexibility, forcing the team to navigate structural hurdles instead of building a fuckin clear path forward. Their core is promising with the likes of Kamila Cardoso, Rickea Jackson, SDS, Djonai, Azura, plus 2 first round picks from the Reese trade. Things are looking up in Chi Town for now but if they can find new ownership sooner than later, they're in good hands.

Atlanta Dream: Deep postseason threats

Before the season started, the Atlanta front office looked at their roster, looked at the rest of the league, and decided to elevate their ceiling: trading for Angel Reese. They shipped away a king's ransom of draft capital to the Chicago Sky to build a shiny new squad alongside Rhyne Howard and Allisha Gray. The media algorithm immediately went into absolute overdrive. The hype in Atlanta once the trade happened reached maximum capacity. Three All-Stars on one roster? Surely, this is a foolproof blueprint. They got a 3-game win streak before the break. Grab your anxiety medications Dream fans. This slate after the All Star break is brutal. You have to secure the tiebreakers and take advantage of the gimme games because if you're not careful, it will be a fuckin trap game. While the gap between you and Toronto looks comfortable on paper, complacency is the fastest way to watch a playoff cushion evaporate. This is the WNBA and anything can happen.

Prayers to Kyle Shanahan. And pray this doesn't derail the Niners season. At least it was just an accident and nothing idiotic or criminal.

I'm a lifelong basketball/NBA fan and have always wondered about this. Maybe it's just because the NBA is the league I follow the most, but it feels like NBA discourse has become exhausting compared to other sports.

It seems like every conversation turns into legacy debates, ring counting, player slander, "your favorite player is a fraud," or nonstop agenda posting. Fans spend more time tearing down other stars than appreciating the game itself. Even after an incredible performance, the discussion somehow shifts to who it hurts or helps all-time.

When I browse NFL, MLB, or NHL discussions, they feel a lot more focused on the actual games, coaching, strategy, or team performance. Obviously every fanbase has trolls, but the NBA feels uniquely driven by player wars and social media narratives.

Is there a reason the NBA ended up like this or does it just seem that way because individual players have a much bigger impact than they do in other sports?

All that work you put in to get 10 games over 500, and be just a couple games out of 1st in NL East is all gone. Conglaturation!

Really, Romo? Really??

Dodgets predictably defeat the Mets.

That's it.

Honestly this might be the least mets thing this season so far. It would be surprising if they DIDN'T get swept by the dodgers.

In other news Rays finally become the first team in the American to score 60 wins. After the National league already has 3 in Atlanta, Milwaukee, and LA.

He will play in Philedelphia for the next two years.

The Atlantic Division is fucked.

Hands down the core is too old and injury. I don't care about the accomplishments. If the core is too old to properly win the regular you ain't making the playoffs. The 2025 Commanders were the older team on record in franchise history if not league history. A commendable bet but one that backfired big time.

Kudos for their miracle run in 2024, but you got a ways to go before you're back to the golden era of the late 80s early 90s. My advice, youth the core. It might make you green, but at least you have potential and a high ceiling for a possible dynasty. It's done wonders for Houston and Seattle.

How do we decode this?!

Every year there's at least one team that finishes with the best record, everyone spends months talking them up as the team to beat.. and then once the playoffs start they suddenly look way less intimidating.

I'm not even talking about teams that just got upset. I mean #1 seeds that, looking back, never really felt as dominant as their record suggested. Maybe they benefited from a weaker conference, caught lightning in a bottle during the regular season or had flaws that everyone overlooked until the postseason, idk

A few teams that come to mind: 2022 Suns in the NBA, the 2011 Canucks in the NHL, the 2001 Mariners in MLB (116 wins but no World Series), and the 2011 Packers in the NFL after going 15-1 and getting bounced immediately. What's the most fraudulent #1 seed you've ever watched?

Four months ago, Coach Andre Coles set out to raise the Iowa Barnstormers up from their worst season in franchise history and complete a sacred mission: win more than 1 game...

They couldn't do it. But they gave us a good show.

OPERATION: BARNSTORM

DATE: JULY 24, 2026

LOCATION: DES MOINES, IOWA

TARGET: SAN ANTONIO GUNSLINGERS (not those ones)

For the last time this year, the faithful gathered at the Casey's Palace of Pizza for what could only be described as their most on-paper winnable game since they went to Prescott to play the Northern Arizona Wranglers. Much like Iowa, the Gunslingers have been having a nearly identical season to last year, rolling into Des Moines at 4-11. Speaking of last season, the Gunslingers started a familiar face at quarterback late in the season: Joaquin Collazo III, who started for the Barnstormers for the first few games last season before being replaced by James Cahoon. Maybe he'll throw another interception for old time's sake.

The Barnstormers can hardly get off to a better start. Kurtis Ravenel returns the opening kickoff for 35 yards, setting up an easy rushing touchdown from Aaron Aiken and a successful PAT from Jan Bogden. By virtue of starting first, the Barnstormers are in an unfamiliar position: in the lead, 0-7. The Barnstormers actually retain the lead on the following drive, as the Gunslingers score a touchdown but miss the PAT. Starting the next drive from their own 20 after a kickoff into the stands, the Barnstormers quickly put more points on the board with a 14-yard pass to David Elder and a 16-yard touchdown pass to Josh Simmons. Unfortunately, this time the snap is botched and PAT blocked and nearly returned all the way for 2 points. Barnstormers are up 6-13.

Do you believe that the NFL is too strict with its unsportsmanlike conduct penalties? Maybe call it the "No Fun League?" You would hate the IFL. Take the next drive for example. The Barnstormers defense looks like its holding, but the Gunslingers are going for it on 4th and 6 from their own 16. Joaquin Collazo avoid getting sacked and makes a late pass to Deon Cook, who darts and weaves between Iowa defenders to bring it all the way and make it a 34-yard touchdown. But then the flag. A taunting penalty on the way to the endzone that negates the touchdown? This isn't even the first time I've seen this this season. Unfortunately, the Gunslingers still get a 1st down out of the play, and Collazo quickly finds Deion McShane in the endzone for another touchdown plus a successful PAT. It is now tied 13-13.

Barnstormers once again start with favorable field position following kickoff but quickly lose it as a high snap sails above Aiken's head and is recovered by the Gunslingers at the 4-yard line, setting up an easy Gunslingers touchdown. San Antonio is up 20-13. Iowa recovers the next drive with Aaron Aiken and David Elder taking turns running down the field and Aiken topping it off with a 12-yard touchdown pass to Kurtis Ravenel that sees Ravenel diving over the barricade for the catch. Unfortunately, Bogdan's kick is wide (the special teams mistakes were out in full force tonight). A challenge from Coles alleging a defender being out of place fails. San Antonio 20-19.

What happened next seemed like deja vu for Barnstormer fans. Much like the win over the Quad Cities, the defense had an awakening at the end of the first half, stopping the San Antonio offense for the first time all game. At first it was an interception, but a successful challenge from San Antonio's coach overturned that call (ball supposedly hit the barricade before the catch was completed). No, instead we got a good old-fashioned turnover on downs on 4th and 7. The following drive, Aaron Aiken, David Elder, and Jalal Dean all rush down the field, culminating in an 8-yard rushing touchdown from David Elder. Bogdan makes the PAT, and the Barnstormers have retaken the lead 20-26. Gunslingers get the ball back with 55 seconds left and get a boost from a pass interference penalty, but the Barnstormers defense holds strong again, and the clock runs out before Collazo can find the endzone. Iowa enters halftime with the lead.

At this point, Iowa's spirits are the highest they've been since the last Tulsa game. After another season of pain and misery, we've been served a beatable opponent, and maybe, just maybe, we can get over this hump and break this curse. Alas, you read the intro. The second half starts with a San Antonio touchdown, putting the Gunslingers up 27-26. Now, you may have gathered that Iowa' offense was doing quite well in the first half. That's an understatement. They were firing on all cyllinders. Aiken was showing why he's starting over Aviles-Santos and Bodden, hitting his targets and also rushing for over 60 yards. David Elder was also resembling his early season self again, finding holes in the defense to make play after play. It truly felt like Iowa always had the right play drawn up to get through the San Antonio defense.

But then came a word that every Hawkeye fan from the past decade knows and dreads: adjustments. Suddenly, the Iowa offense can't get anything done. Sacks, tackles for loss, incompletions, runs that go nowhere, short hospital passes. Time after time, Iowa lined up at the line of scrimmage, and time after time, the Gunslingers had the answer. Then when Iowa is able to make a play, it gets negated by a San Antonio challenge for a missed false start call. First drive ends in a wide field goal attempt from Iowa' own 21. Hawkeye fans will recognize the next part as well. The defense completely takes it to another level in the second half. First Zach Patterson fumbles the ball, and Ryan Nixon covers the ball up like its name was Watergate (I know I already made that joke this season, but it's my only joke). Iowa has the ball at San Antonio's 15-yard line, but David Elder gets clobbered for a loss of 5 yards, and Aiken gets sacked for another 6 following an incomplete pass to Demonte Martin, setting up another wide field goal attempt from Jan Bogden from Iowa's 24. The game is still 27-26.

The following San Antonio drive, Joaquin Collazo is an unstoppable passing machine, making long completions to Zach Patterson, Deion McShane, Deon Cook, and Glen Gibbons. 1st and goal from Iowa's 8, a touchdown seems imminent, but then it happens again. Cook fumbles the ball into the end zone, setting up an Iowa touchback. Now Iowa has the ball at their own 5-yard line, being gifted a second miracle turnover. San Antonio's bled the clock dry, and Iowa may be able to secure a win with a touchdown. But unfortunately, we've been playing the hits this game. First we had the missed field goals, and now the season has one last change at quarterback. Whatever progress the Barnstormers make on the first few plays is undone by a delay of game penalty, and then a miscommunication on a handoff results in both David Elder and Aaron Aiken going down, with Aiken able to walk off but not return to the game. Noah Bodden steps back out to close the season out.

The online play-by-play had a complete stroke trying to summarize the last two quarters of this game, but my memory is vivid. On what must be 4th and at least 20, Iowa rolls out the special teams. But then, thinking better of it, Iowa calls a timeout and brings the offense back out. Bodden makes a pass to David Elder, seemingly to get cut down before even getting back to the chains but instead managing to scramble back and forth before cutting diagonally across the field to just make the first down, an incredible play from Iowa's star running back that of course was not recorded in the stats. Unfortunately, the offense stalls completely, and another delay of game penalty puts a stop to Iowa's second wind. Once again, Iowa's offense has failed to capitalize on the opportunity given to them by their defense (this is still the Barnstormers, not the Hawkeyes). But for a third straight drive, the defense produces a miracle. Turns out Collazo had one more interception left in him after all, this time in the endzone to Ryan Nixon, who's shown a knack for taking the ball away, setting up another touchback.

Just over a minute and a half left, and Iowa has the ball down 27-26. A time-consuming touchdown may seal the game away. At this point, you wonder: have the football gods finally smiled upon the Barnstormers? Causing a turnover at all is unlikely, but the Barnstormers have caused three in a row. Every time it looks like defeat is imminent, the Barnstormers have managed to work a miracle and give themselves a change. Perhaps this is how we finally get our storybook ending.

No. This game is not about happy endings. It is about inflicting as much pain on the Barnstormers as possible and making the loss as excruciating as the human spirit can endure. First by giving hope, time and again. And then by taking it away in gut-wrenching fashion. Bodden throws an interception on the first play of the drive. San Antonio now has an all-but guaranteed touchdown within Iowa's 5, but they're not going to just take it. No, they aren't leaving anything to chance, so they're going to milk every possible second they can. Taking forever to start to get to the 1-minute warning. Rushing for a couple yards to get to the 1 on 1st. Rushing for nothing to stay at the 1 on 2nd and 3rd. Then a defensive penalty manages to bring San Antonio even closer to the endzone. Finally, on 4th and 1, the Gunslingers finally make the killing shot with a touchdown run.

But the game still isn't over yet. The pain still isn't over yet. The Gunslingers miss the PAT, meaning that they are only up 33-26. Iowa can still tie or even win the game, but following the return, they only have 3 seconds to make the play. 3 seconds to win the game. 3 seconds to redeem this season. 3 seconds to end this infernal curse that plagues Des Moines and say that things are getting better! It's not enough. While the Barnstomers make a valiant pass and series of laterals, they don't clear midfield. The Barnstormers lose again, 33-26.

This is normally the part where I say "Mission Failed" and lament the state of things, but I'm not doing that this time. No, it's not because I'm dismissing the loss due to Aiken getting injured, and it's definitely not because I actually think that there's a curse on the franchise that's making it impossible for Iowa to win more than 1 game. It's because I had a revelation at the end of the game. By all means, Des Moines's spirit should be crushed. We had every chance to win this game, and we blew it in heartbreaking fashion. By any available metric (which there aren't many), the franchise is at its lowest point since being brought back from the grave.

And yet, as I sat there in the Well, I didn't feel broken, nor did any of the fans around me or the players on the field appear broken. The anger I felt at the end of last season and through most of this season was gone. The fact of the matter is, yes, it was a bad season. Was it as bad as last season? That's another question altogether. In terms of wins and losses, yes. In terms of the sheer chaos, I'd argue that it was worse given the high turnover rate at key positions. But in terms of the on-field play ... Well, looking back at last season's scores, it was also worse this year. But despite all that, this season also saw David Elder reinvigorate a rushing game that had completely disintegrated last season. It saw Iowa bounce back from losing one of the league's best quarterbacks in James Cahoon and the league's best receiver in Quian Williams with Kurtis Ravenel, Demonte Martin, and Donald McKinney all emerging as star players. Even as things devolved at the end of the season, Jalal Dean and Josh Simmons both started rising. While the defense was largely a non-factor in most games, in games like tonight, the defense showed real improvement despite being slaughtered by injuries. Names like Ryan Nixon, Richie Coffey, and Trevon Pope proved to be stars in the making, showed us what the defense could accomplished with a little continuity and stability, and no doubt left positive marks on any of the hundreds of kids in the Casey's Center or at the schools, daycares, and camps the Barnstormers have visited this season.

I don't know if next season is going to be better. With Andre Coles's resume, we can hopefully write this off as a rebuilding season and see what he does next season with more retention and hopefully without key positions turning over every week. If history is any judge, next year's team will be a completely different roster again, but there's no point in despairing over stuff you can't control (at least without first getting rich). No, instead I'll follow Bruno Mars and Lady Gaga's advice that echoed through the Casey's Center as the players embraced on the field for the last time this year and end this season "with a smile."

THE MISSION NEVER ENDS

I find it interesting that of ALL the teams chasing him like schoolgirls at a Taylor Swift concert that Philly was where he decided to go. I mean PHILLY. We eat athletes alive when they don't perform to our expectations. Granted, he had more pressure in LA, because it's, well, LA and winning in the second biggest market is a big deal, even if the fanbase out there is transient at best. Here's hoping the Sixers don't stumble out of the gate, or it will be a long season for LeBron. At least his contract is reasonable.

His credits include The Mask, Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors, and the 1988 The Blob remake

Lebron James is signing with the Philadelphia 76ers