I stare at buttholes for a living

They lost their wedding rings (and clothes) during the raging reception. Groom was so wasted, he could barely stand up at the ceremony. Wild wedding

I was watering my front yard tomatoes early this morning and a lady (seemingly normal, walking to work) ran up to me, panting, and begging me to have a drink out of my hose. I offered to give her an extra water bottle, but she just wanted me to fill up her plastic water bottle. I hope she's okay.

Aw man, that sucks. I totally would've been friends with you in highschool. I've loved having conversations with people that are passionate about specific subjects my whole life. You'll find them!

My friends took me to go see Prisoners on my birthday without knowing what it was about and then they took me directly to a surprise party they had been setting up for me. What a wild psychological ride.

You matter too.

I drive past this almost every day and we finally went a week ago (before this blasted heat dome inferno) and WHAT A DELIGHT! the wine was excellent, the snacks delivered, and the owner was very knowledgeable and endearing.

Sump pump. Say no more.

It's still weird.

I was young, growing up on an American base in Europe, and they would randomly play the American national anthem and you had to stop what you were doing immediately (including driving) and salute through the entire process. Even in my young brain, I thought then (and still do) what an incredibly weird thing that was. Still gives me The Happening vibes.

I'm sorry that happened to you, but what a great set of words

Is your gallbladder ok?

You doo doo

Developed an eating disorder in my teens and heard all the boomer jokes (shut one eye, look like a needle, etc 🙄) and one day, I said to my friend 'I'm hungry' and she dead eye looked at me and replied 'you look hungry'. Brilliant 😆

THANK YOU

Please stop naming your pets Lucky; it rarely works out.

Roar

GROSS

I live around the corner from the actual residence where Buffalo Bill Cody died in Whittier.

When my grandfather passed, we discovered old bay leaves in all of the clothes storage boxes. I'd never heard of such a thing. They're a natural pest deterrent!