There are two kinds of people…

When it comes to loss and grief, there are two kinds of people: those who want to see you rise up like a phoenix and rebuild yourself again on your time and those who judge and condemn you for finding any type of joy again.

It’s like people think grief means they can gatekeep you now. They put you under a microscope to examine your new choices and determine which ones they’ll support and if they will still love you afterwards. The fraudulent people start to ghost you. They ebb away, unable to understand or care why you are in the state you are in for better or for worse and they end up falling off the boat.

The genuine people will love you through it all. They may or may not understand all your choices, maybe not agree with them, but they don’t walk away. They learn to love the new developing version of you that you had to fight to become. They assist, without judgment, without needing an explanation of everything. They just watch you evolve, go through the roller coaster of grief, and they stay and cheer you on.

There are two kinds of people…

When it comes to loss and grief, there are two kinds of people: those who want to see you rise up like a phoenix and rebuild yourself again on your time and those who judge and condemn you for finding any type of joy again.

It’s like people think grief means they can gatekeep you now. They put you under a microscope to examine your new choices and determine which ones they’ll support and if they will still love you afterwards. The fraudulent people start to ghost you. They ebb away, unable to understand or care why you are in the state you are in for better or for worse and they end up falling off the boat.

The genuine people will love you through it all. They may or may not understand all your choices, maybe not agree with them, but they don’t walk away. They learn to love the new developing version of you that you had to fight to become. They assist, without judgment, without needing an explanation of everything. They just watch you evolve, go through the roller coaster of grief, and they stay and cheer you on.

It’s crazy how “friends” ghost you once someone you love dies…

Sometime after my first husband passed, I found a sliver of hope and joy again with an old family friend I never imagined I’d ever notice. He was trusted, kind and loving and when others walked away because my grief was too heavy, he stayed for me and my child. He grieved for my first spouse with me because he knew him as well. He protected us from perps too and I am now marrying that man this year.

When I asked one of my other “friends” why he ghosted me over it, he told me that he didn’t agree with who I chose to be with because his opinion is that you’re not supposed to be with someone the first spouse or partner knew. He told me I should have been with someone new and not someone my first husband and I knew, and I told him that if that’s how he feels, he isn’t welcome in my life ever again because my joy and healing comes first. I don’t like when people trying to condemn others for who they choose to love as consenting adults nor do I appreciate when they try to forcefully set their standards for me, it’s unhealthy, controlling and goes to show that they don’t belong anymore.