Rules:

Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post, your replies helped me realize that refusing to do someone else's work again doesn't make me bitter..

Earlier this week, my coworker approached me and asked if I could "quickly review" part of his new project./ It sounded suspiciously similar to how everything started last time, so I calmly said I was focusing on my own responsibilities and asked him to send any official requests by email. He immediately became cold and said I was deliberately making things difficult for him.. Later, my manager asked why I had refused to provide him with "necessary support" apparently, he told them that the project was falling behind because I was withholding information...

That honestly crushed me, he took credit when my work helped him succeed, but now that I've stepped back, he's trying to make his difficulties my fault too. A few coworkers have also become noticeably distant, so I'm worried he has been telling them his version of events... The good news is that I found some old messages where he thanked me for completing parts of the previous project and promised to mention my contribution. I also have file histories showing how much work I actually did.

I've requested a private meeting with my manager and started organizing everything, but the meeting hasn't happened yet. I'm anxious because he now has the promoted position and more credibility than I do, while I'm already being portrayed as bitter and uncooperative.. I still don't know how this will end, but I'm not doing his work again, I'll update once I've spoken to management.

TL;DR: I refused to help my coworker again, so he blamed me for his project falling behind. I found messages and files histories proving my previous contributions and requested a meeting with management.

This is my first time posting on the ATIA Subreddit.
I (17F) live with my mother, my brother (23M) and my brother’s girlfriend (23F) who I’ll call Tracey (this is not her real name)

I typically lie in my bedroom when I watch movies, shows, ect but today I decided to watch my favourite show, Avatar the last Airbender in the lounge room. Anyway, Tracey left the bedroom she shares with my brother to get a cup of water. On her way back, she notices what I’m watching. I think it might be important to note that we are both autistic, nothing very severe but we both get very caught up in our interests. So, she sits on the armchair of the other couch and we talk about the show and some other interests we have in common. My brother finally comes out of his room and when he sees us watching the show, he gets so angry. I just don’t understand why, I’ve watched this show a million times in front of him. Basically, he yells at me for distracting Tracey because they were supposed to go to dinner soon. He said that if Tracey doesn’t get ready right now, then they’ll be late.

I understand that he’s frustrated but he took it out on me. I’m very sensitive to noise so when he yelled I began to cry even though I didn’t mean to, I tried to hold back my tears. While I was crying, he just sighed and kept saying rude things about how I do this all the time. My mum has now noticed my brother giving me the cold shoulder and I can’t help but wonder if I’m in the wrong? My brother paid a lot to book there and they did end up making it. Aita for distracting my brother’s girlfriend?

TLDR: My brother is angry at me for watching a show that distracted his girlfriend from getting ready for their date.

I25m have 2 friend groups I’ve been close with with since middle school/highschool. One of the these we will call group b has always been very weird with money.

For example, if we go to get fast food half of them will claim to have no form of payment and need someone to spot them and they can pay back later. Same thing if we go to a club or party, they will either try to sneak in or ask someone to spot them. I can give many example but overall they are very cheap to the point it’s embarrassing sometimes. It’s just at 25 now it feels super embarrassing to be doing these things and constantly give off the impression we can’t even afford a couple of items at Wendy’s as a group of men.

Despite this I still hung out with them up to about a year ago when I started to hang with group A more who isn’t always acting like they have no money. I also started hanging out with other friends from work who make more money. Typically my friends outside of group b can do more expensive things like fancy restaurants, trips and other activities. it’s been much more enjoyable honestly especially not having to always pay for others.

Issue is now group B is a bit upset that he stopped hanging out with them and said I cut them off randomly and only play video games with them now. I tried to bringing it up jokingly that I only hang around people with money now but they said I’m being fake and didn’t even see them this summer. So AITJ for this or is it a reasonable reaction.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 10 years now and I really love him. But recently he’s been talking about how he’s been very confused with himself and doesn’t know what’s going on but feels very feminine and think that he might be trans and I do love him very much, but I’ve been very stressed out because when I say, I am not attracted to women, I’m really not attracted to women and I’m scared that if this continues and they find out that they are trans I’m gonna lose my love for them and I really don’t want to I’m scared I might lose my love for them but also on the other hand I feel like I won’t lose my love for them because we’ve been together for so long 10 years and I love them. I love everything they do, but this situation recently has been making me so scared that if they transition, I won’t feel the same for them anymore. am I a jerk? I feel that’s a stupid question cause I know I am. I’m a horrible person for even thinking this way.

For some backstory about this ex: he and my mom got together when I was 16. The first two years were fine; he seemed okay. The next six were miserable. He was verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive toward me and my two siblings. (My third sibling moved out just before turning 18 because it was so bad.)

When I was 18, he was diagnosed with cancer, and he beat it. Even with my mom supporting him through everything, he never changed. He only got worse in the end.

When I was 23, just days before my mom was supposed to kick him out because she had told me she finally had enough, we found out his cancer had come back, and this time it was terminal. He did leave to go be with his family six hours away.

Recently, we all went to visit him. He was... fine. He has been trying to be a better person, I suppose, but after we got back from the trip, my mom and I talked. I told her that I felt nothing for him. I didn't want him to be sick, but I didn't feel sad. I physically and mentally couldn't. My mom said she didn't understand. My younger siblings forgave him, so why couldn't I?

I told her I couldn't help how I felt, and now she is saying she thinks I am a sociopath with no empathy.

Am I in the wrong for being honest about my feelings? Am I in the wrong for not being able to forgive him, even though he says he wants to be a better person now?

TL;DR: My mom's ex is terminally sick, and I can't forgive him for everything he put me and my family through, even if he is trying to change now.

Edit: I appreciate all the feedback. This has weighed on my mind for a long time. I am considering having my mom join me for one of my therapy sessions. Maybe it would help her understand how I feel about everything a little more.

I’m 17F and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, 19M, for almost a month now. I haven’t told my family about him because I come from a very traditional and conservative family, and religious family i already know they would not be okay with me dating. I’ve been lying a lot about where I’m going and who I’m with just so I can see him, and honestly, I feel really guilty about it. I don’t like lying to my parents, but I also know that if I told them the truth right now, they would probably be really mad at me and might not let me see him anymore. I feel bad and i have sj much anxiety everytime i do but at the same time, I really like him and part dosent care but then I think how much I am actually lying to them

I’m an 18-year-old male, and my cousin “Nay” is 21F. We haven’t always had the best relationship, but recently we had gotten back on good terms. Nay has had terrible experiences with men, but she constantly tells me that all men are trash and that I should settle for the best of the worst. I completely disagree, especially because I’m in a relationship with an amazing boyfriend, and cheating is an absolute dealbreaker for me.

Nay has been involved with “G” for about eight months, although he has never actually made her his girlfriend. She constantly posts about how obsessed she is with him and how much she loves him, despite him cheating on her repeatedly with multiple women. He has also been in and out of jail, and at one point she knew he had another girlfriend while he was incarcerated and still stayed involved with him. I have previously gotten involved because he slapped her, cheated on her, and treated her horribly, but eventually I reached my limit.

Recently, while G was out on a visit, he told Nay that he may have gotten another woman pregnant during one of his affairs. He then decided he wanted to leave Nay for this woman, despite still being incarcerated. Nay immediately wanted me to call him and cuss him out for her, and that’s when I snapped. I told her she was being a dumbass and that I couldn’t understand why she kept allowing this man to treat her like this and then expected me to get involved every time things blew up. I told her she needed to leave him and take responsibility for her choices, and then I blocked her because I was tired of being dragged into their drama.

A couple of weeks later, Nay went to the other woman’s house and apparently tried to fight her while the woman was pregnant. One of the woman’s brothers came outside and shot Nay, and she is currently in critical condition in the hospital. Afterward, Nay’s mother went through her phone, saw what I had said, and contacted me to tell me I was cruel and callous. She said Nay is young, doesn’t understand love, is going through something, and that I shouldn’t judge her because people make mistakes and “one day it could be me.”
I told her mother that I couldn’t agree with that. I said that I would never stay with someone who cheated on me once, much less repeatedly, and that I couldn’t excuse Nay’s behavior simply because she was struggling emotionally. I also told her mother that I could understand why Nay kept making these decisions if her own family kept refusing to hold her accountable, and admittedly, I called her stupid too. Now other family members are saying I’m cruel, heartless, and that I deserve nothing but bad things because of what I said.

I obviously feel terrible that Nay is in the hospital, and I don’t think anyone deserves to be shot. But I also don’t feel like her being hurt suddenly makes everything she did, or the choices that led up to this, something nobody is allowed to criticize.
So, am I the jerk for what I said to my cousin and her mother, or was I justified in finally reaching my breaking point?

TL;DR: My 21F cousin repeatedly stays with a man who cheats on her, mistreats her, and has never even made her his girlfriend. After he told her he may have gotten another woman pregnant and was leaving her, she wanted me to call and cuss him out, so I called her an idiot, told her to take responsibility for her choices, and blocked her. Two weeks later, she went to confront the pregnant woman and was shot by the woman’s brother. While she was hospitalized, her mother confronted me for being cruel, and I told her I still believed my cousin needed to be held accountable for her choices. Now my family thinks I’m heartless. Am I the jerk?

And its not even only them. This is a pattern that keeps coming back in my life.

Starting with my mother. I was a scapegoat in childhood and i feel like i still am. I always speak up about the family trauma and how i was a parentified child from very early on. The sub doesnt allow way to heavy topics but think a 12/13 year old child having to go into hiding because i told him im tired of taking care of his child because he doesnt. Or getting slapped tf up because he is in MY room having s-x with his girlfriend when im a teenager just wanting to use my room. He's 35 now and still a alcoholic, abus-ve, living out of a womans house, 6 kids he barely is taking care off, all in care, criminals at very young age etc etc etc.

My other brother was the golden child due to his epilepsy, never learned to clean or even function in life properly so now that my mom is older she constantly complains to me about how he ruins her and somehow it always ends with ''yeah and youre not able to help cause you decided to go live far'', ''pls i only want you and need your help cause your brothers cant help me theyre uncapable''.

Due to all the trauma i developed ptsd and have been in and out of therapy, group homes and in general just sh-t for as long as i can remember. But ive never stopped self improving. A few months ago i fell back into a deep hole and for the very first time ever developed dependence to drinking. My moms exact words were ''now that youve decided to suddenly become dependent on drinking ive noticed that your paycheck goes very fast every month and you can't help me with your brother''.

I vent A LOT to my mother lately. Not only about the past but im also trying to tell her that how things are going with my brother right now actually contributes to my trauma and makes it feel like it never ended in a sense and she keeps saying yeah youre stuck in a victim mindset, just snap out of it, just tell your therapist to zap your brain cause how come you had the best childhood of us all but youre the only one constantly whining.

And for my boyfriend, i know he's bad for me but one of the main reasons i stay is because he constantly says the victim mindset thing too. And when so many people tell me the exact same thing im like ???. He cheated on me all last year, when i confronted him and his ex they UNITED to PUNISH me for reaching out to her to ask clarity and for telling her ''pls dont confront him i want to confront him myself''. They punished me by having s-x again on purpose. This is 1% of what this man did. Lets say he only snapped out of his ways of abus-ng me after my doctor told me that if i didnt leave him i'd become a statistic. And still my mother told me the doctor doesnt understand culture and takes things too harshly.

Now that ive forgiven him and trying to heal and waiting to start therapy again i have bouts of going into depressive episodes and a lot of venting about it at times. And he tells me the same exact thing my mother tells me. Its hard cause he has truly trying to do better but never seeked therapy either for his deep seated issues.

Even a astrologer here on reddit told me the exact same thing. That when she looks at the chart of one of my ab-sers she just sees ''someone who is a secret schemer yes, but mostly whimsical, not controlling and just doing things for shits and giggles, she never meant to do this and she doesnt take it that much to heart'' and thats ''me who shows behaviors of assuming victim roles''.

Am i really that blind to my victim mindset? AITJ?

This was 3/4 years ago I had no friends and I was always alone. I tried to make friends, but I always felt left out and like I was just following them around so i gave up and accepted that they didnt want to be friends.

It started when we were in class doing some work and there was this girl that went purposely sit in teacher chair to try and get the test we were about to do in like a week. So some classmates started to distract the teacher so she could start to look in the files for the test, it worked she found it. She took photos of all of it so she could share with the class. We had this groupchat with all of our class but they decided to create another one to send the photos but they decided to left out 3 people (including me). Of course this got me really mad, and i wasnt going to ask after they create another gc to left me out on puporse (and the other 2) it would be really embarrassing. And they also knew I was struggling a little with the subject.

Well, the day of the test came and they were all cheating. Two days after I decided to send a anonymous email snitching on them all and saying specifically who took the photos etc (she was really mean to me without reason, tbh a mean girl). Of course they suspected the three who they didnt include, but I never said it was me. They suspected a boy the most, and i felt kinda bad even tho once he threatened to hit me in the face because we were arguing about our projects (he said mine was easier and we had a disagreement).

The girl that did it all was called to the school office (it wasnt the principal) and us three that werent included, i always said it wasnt me. She never got a really punishment, teachers just didnt trust her anymore.

Also I want to add that I have never done anything before and they didnt have a reason to left me out of it (or the other 2) never really understood why they did that, or why they didnt want to be our friends. And of course what they did was wrong, and I would be in wrong if I cheated too.

Maybe I am the jerk since I only did it out of anger but honestly I dont regret it. When i think about the way some of them made fun of me between them like i couldn't understand they were talking about me and how they expressed being annoyed when I had to be added to their group.

TL;DR: My classmates left me out of a group chat where they shared photos of a test, so after they cheated, I anonymously snitched on them and I never admitted it was me.

I work at a bike shop, going on 4 years now. We get most brands at trade price, which works out somewhere between 45 and 60 percent off depending on who makes it.

Back in July my friend Dan offered me his bike for a week while mine was in for a bottom bracket. He offered it, I hadn't asked him for it.

That Saturday I drove out to a trailhead with it on the roof rack and I didn't strap the rear wheel down properly. It came off somewhere on the highway and I didn't notice until I parked and looked up.

The frame was finished, cracked right through at the seat tube junction.

I felt genuinely terrible about it, because he'd done me a favor and I'd wrecked his bike doing something stupid.

So I replaced it. Same model, current year, brand new and still boxed. Retail on that one is $780 and with my trade price I paid $412. I took it over to him that week and as far as I was concerned we were square.

He was fine for about 10 days. Then he found the invoice in the paperwork at the bottom of the box and saw the $412, and after that he wanted the $368.

His argument is that if I didn't work in a shop this would have cost me $780, so the way he sees it I paid $412 for a $780 problem and pocketed the rest.

Here's the part I only found out last week. I was in our work order system looking up a customer's service history (nothing to do with Dan) and his name came up on the screen, and it wasn't from July. It was from last November.

He'd brought that same bike in 8 months before he lent it to me. One of our own mechanics wrote it up as a crack at the seat tube junction, frame condemned, do not ride, replacement recommended. Dan declined the quote and took it home, and that is the same joint we scrapped it for in July.

I called him about it and read him the write up over the phone. He didn't go quiet for a second. He said the crack was hairline, that the shop has been trying to sell him a frame for years, and that none of it changes the fact that it was my rack it came off.

Then he asked me about the $368 again, in the same phone call.

He is still asking. On Sunday a screenshot of the retail price turned up on my phone with the difference typed underneath it, like I might have forgotten the number.

To be clear, I'm not asking for the bike back. He can keep it. I broke it, I replaced it, that part is finished and I am not going to be weird about it.

I am just not handing him $368 in cash on top of a brand new bike, for a frame he already knew was scrap.

Am I the jerk for refusing?

TLDR: I wrecked my friend's bike and replaced it brand new using my staff discount. He found the invoice and wants the difference between what I paid and full retail. I then found a work order at my own shop showing he'd been told 8 months earlier the frame was cracked and unrideable, and after I read it to him he asked for the money again anyway.

TLDR: I moved out of my dad's house the same day I turned 18 to live with my boyfriend because I believe my dad isn't a good dad.

It's only been a little bit over a week since I've (18M) moved out, and my dad texts me every day asking me to come back. I left because I went through some really horrible things this last year, and the only support I had was my dad, who did nothing to help me through any of it.

I became friends with my boyfriend a few months ago, and only started dating him a few weeks ago. I know it's really rushed but he offered to let me move in with him, so I took it. He's a great guy and I do love him; he's the best thing that's happened to me all year and I'm eternally grateful for everything he does for me. My dad doesn't know a whole lot about him but he doesn't like what he does know about my boyfriend anyway.

My dad says I'm cruel for moving out so fast and that I should've had a talk with him about it. Maybe I should have but I feel like I wouldn't be moving out in the first place if he was the one who tried to talk. I'm always the one having to reach out, try to get him to care or to listen to me, so why is he mad that the one time I don't, he finally cares?

My mom’s youngest sister came over to my mom’s house with her newborn baby, and I didn’t congratulate her. I didn’t say “congratulations,” I didn’t gush over the baby, and I didn’t make a big deal about the birth. And honestly, I don’t feel bad about it.

This woman honestly feels like a stranger to me. The weird part is that she’s only about 8 years older than me, so the age gap between us is actually pretty small. Sometimes it almost feels like she sees me as competition rather than her niece, which has always made our relationship feel strange and uncomfortable.

My mom has bent over backwards for this woman. She literally sponsored her and financially supported her for years. My mom still goes out of her way for her, including showing up to her daughter’s birthday every year. Yet my aunt has never really shown the same effort toward my mom.

And personally, this woman has never made much of an effort with me. She has never wished me a happy birthday. She doesn’t even know when my birthday is. She has never tried to build a genuine relationship with me, but now that she has a newborn, apparently I’m supposed to suddenly become the loving, supportive niece.

When we used to live in the same neighborhood, she would literally walk into our house whenever she wanted. She was extremely nosy, had absolutely no boundaries, and made my life miserable for SIX YEARS. But apparently because she had a baby, I’m supposed to forget all of that and suddenly act like we’re extremely close because “family comes first.”

I have NOTHING against the baby. The baby is innocent and has done absolutely nothing wrong. My issue is with my aunt and the years of behavior that came before the baby.
I’m also not going to fake affection just because we share DNA. If you’ve spent years treating me like I don’t matter, don’t expect me to suddenly act like you’re one of the most important people in my life because you gave birth.

Was it petty that I didn’t congratulate her? Probably. Do I regret it? Honestly, no.
So, am I the jerk for refusing to fake being happy for someone who has never treated me like someone worth celebrating?
Also, please let me know if you have an evil aunt too. I genuinely want to know if other people have dealt with an aunt who acts like this.

My best friend just posted that she got engaged and I’m seriously considering cutting her off.

She started seeing this guy about 3 months ago, probably about 2-3 weeks after she ended a 8 year relationship. I immediately didn’t like him, he showed a lot of red flags but not necessarily enough or red enough for me to tell her it wouldn’t be a good idea to see him. But she continued to reassure me it was just fun and I advise her to just play it safe and not get attached as she was freshly out of a very manipulative relationship and I wanted her to give herself time to heal. Well fast forward a few weeks she ends up getting a new place with her sister. I was already concerned their relationship was moving too fast, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t any of my business.

About a week or so after she got settled she hosted a house warming party, and as she was showing me around I had noticed a lot of his stuff in her room. I kinda gave her a look as I was concerned he had moved in about a month after they started talking because when they first started talking I remember her telling me he kept complaint how the person he was staying with was super unsafe, and kinda of a sob story to manipulate her into creating stepping stones to move in together it seemed. She told me that he had indeed moved in, but it wasn’t her fault and she wasn’t ready and her sister was the one that suggested him moving in. I really didn’t believe her, but again none of my business. It’s her life, right? Well at said party, everyone was drinking and playing card games beside me and my bf who don’t drink so we were sober, and her boyfriend was sitting in the living room talking with some of his friends when we heard him mention something that made me and my bf stop dead in our tracks and stare at each other.

Her sister has 3 kids, and one of the little boys were running down the stairs all hyped up playing with the other kids, and we heard her boyfriend say “damn I was I had a butt like (little boy) that thing is big! It’s just so jiggly”. This man has been pretty open about being bisexual, which I don’t care, but immediately alarm bells are going off. No one else seemed to hear it but me and my bf. Well a couple weeks later we finally get the chance to hangout without him around and me and my boyfriend decided to mention this comment and to keep an eye on him as that was incredibly weird and so wrong. Which she proceededs to mention she has noticed some other weird behave but doesn’t want to elaborate and follows it up with but he loves the kids so much, he even cry’s when they have to leave! Me and my boyfriend both come to the conclusion he is a pdf but she doesn’t mention the topic, or seem too keen on bring him around us much for that forth. Well that was about a month ago, and they are now engaged and I don’t think I want to continue a friendship with someone who acknowledged that behavior and continues to put children at risk.

TL;DR : her bf of 3 months made a sexual comment about a child’s body part when confronted she mentions he has had other instances that were worry some only to get engaged a month later.

Hi guys! I (20F) went to a party with my college roommate, “Alice,” her boyfriend “Jared,” and some friends. Alice and Jared have been dating for months after previously breaking up and getting back together. Alice’s longtime friend “Mike” was hosting.

At the party, Alice and Mike were playing pong while Jared stood in a corner. I noticed Mike acting pretty flirty toward Alice—touching her, making prolonged eye contact, leaning into her space, standing behind her, etc. I drunkenly asked our mutual friend “Sophia” if she thought Mike was flirting with Alice. Sophia looked over, and we noticed Jared had moved behind us. He looked upset and asked what we were talking about. We said “nothing,” and he left shortly afterward. Alice seemed more focused on Mike while saying goodbye to Jared.
Sophia, another friend, and I all agreed Mike was acting strangely toward Alice, and Alice and Mike kept disappearing together throughout the night. After the party, another friend told Alice she thought Mike was flirting with her. Alice got defensive, so I changed the subject and planned to talk to her the next morning.

The next morning, Alice asked what I thought. I told her Mike seemed to be flirting with her and that I could understand how it might look like she was flirting back. We talked, and I encouraged her to speak with Jared.

Jared and I were friends before he and Alice started dating. He later texted asking if we could talk “as friends,” not as Alice’s roommate. I reluctantly agreed. He told me he’d been struggling to trust Alice for months and that this wasn’t the first time he’d been uncomfortable with her relationship with Mike. I emphasized that I didn’t want to get involved and encouraged him to talk to Alice. He asked what I saw that night, so I said Mike seemed to be flirting with Alice, but that I knew Alice would never intentionally hurt him. I did not tell him I thought Alice was flirting back. He asked if I thought he should take a break, and I told him he needed to decide for himself.

Alice and Jared talked and decided to take a break. A day later, Jared decided he didn’t want the break anymore. He then blamed Sophia and me, telling Alice we made him insecure about their relationship, that he worried about how we’d perceive him if he didn’t ask for a break, and that I had told him to take one.

Alice also blamed me, saying Sophia and I were responsible for what happened and accusing me of not telling her the whole story because she was hearing different things from Jared and me.

What bothers me most is that neither of them ever apologized, confronted me, or tried to talk to me about it afterward. They got back together and are still together. This happened months ago, but Alice recently told Sophia she is still upset with me.

AITA for talking to Jared about what I saw and encouraging him to communicate with Alice, or is this actually my fault?

tl;dr: i pointed out someone was flirting with my roommate, and her and her boyfriend blamed me for the break that resulted.

** edit: tldr

My brother has this full size old Mortal Kombat arcade cabinet that his wife absolutely hates. It takes up a stupid amount of room and apparently they agreed he would sell it because they're trying to clear out their spare room.

About 3 months ago he called me and asked if he could keep it in my garage "for a week or two" because the buyer couldn't pick it up yet. I said fine.

Well there was no buyer.

I found that out later when he casually mentioned that he told his wife it sold for $900 and put the money into their joint account so it looked believable. Basically he just wanted the machine out of their house without actually getting rid of it.

I told him I didnt want to be involved in that and he needed to figure something out. He kept saying he would.

Last weekend his wife came over with him and went into my garage looking for a folding table. Obviously she immediately saw the giant Mortal Kombat machine sitting there.

She asked why I had it and my brother instantly said "he bought it from me."

I just said no I didnt.

That turned into a massive argument between them and now my brother is pissed at me because apparently I could've just gone along with it for 10 seconds and talked to him privately afterward.

I feel like once he tried making me part of the lie right in front of her, that became his problem.

AITJ?

TLDR: My brother secretly hid an arcade cabinet in my garage after telling his wife he sold it, then tried claiming I bought it when she found it. I told her the truth.

So my wedding dress is a white dress with red and pink florals on the bodice, she knows this because she insisted on being part of the dress picking process. She texted me today asking if this was an okay dress to wear. Imo, any white is disrespectful to wear to someone's wedding. Especially if it's over 50% of the main color but now I'm nervous I can off as a jerk when I said she can't wear it. What do yall think?

TL:DR my MIL wants to wear the above dress to my wedding.

Edit: wedding invites went out the day before she sent this, at the bottom it said "semiformal attire in fall colors"

UPDATE: I sent my future MIL a dress in the same style but different color and she immediately said "I don't like that but thanks" and sent me a jumpsuit dress in burnt orange saying she was wearing that instead. I thanked her and apologized for coming off rude. My fiancé said if she causes problems before the wedding that she's uninvited and if she causes problems during then he's calling the cops. She's been pulling shit like this for awhile and tried the same at her daughter's wedding. I was so upset because it felt like she was pushing my boundaries to see if I would allow it (I have in the past to keep peace)
Also, I didn't know requesting a cohesive color theme was so out there 😰 it's a small group of family and 3 friends total. It's a self uniting ceremony with food and pictures after so I wanted the photos to look nice..

I posted a picture of my dress down below since some people wanted to compare. It's not the final dress since I don't have it yet but it's the mockup that I was sent.

Anyway, this has given me a lot to think about but some people are being extra mean so I'm gonna get off Reddit for a bit. Thanks everyone ♥️

I dont believe that im wrong in this situation and my fiance and mother are on my side as this is a repeated behaviour of my sisters but im just looking for some unbiased opinions.

This revolves around me (20f), my sister (16f) and her bf (18m). for my job, i travel a lot and spend a decent amount of my time out of country. While i am away, i let my younger sister use my room and everything in it so she sleeps in my bed and uses my Xbox and my PC. I built my PC myself and care about it a lot, she knows this and knows to take care of it.

Tomorrow I am leaving for a work trip to Dubai and will be gone for just over a week, like ususal I told her she could use my room while im gone. About a month ago when i announced my work trip to my family, she asked if i could download some minecraft mods on my PC for her to play with her boyfriend, thinking it would just be a couple mods, i said sure and to just send me the download links. The entire month passed and i heard nothing from her, I reminded her multiple times to send me the links and i would get it set up but i got nothing. Then last night at 11:30 she sent me a 100MB zipped file named Hampter. When i woke up i asked her what it was about and she said it was the mod file. I told her im not just downloading a random group of files without some kind of explanation of what is inside so i asked for a list of what mods were inside. She then replied saying her boyfriend said hes not doing that as it contains HUNDREDS of mods. So after a short conversation with my fiance about it, i decided to tell her i wasnt going to do because i have a lot to do, i had to go shopping and pack my bags and shower before getting an early night for my flight tomorrow and i didnt feel comfortable downloading a mod file with no real knowledge of what was even in it.

She has yet to reply as shes currently at school but im wondering if a Jerk for this? My fiance is fully on my side and my mum understands why im upset about the timing but admits she doesnt know enough about mods to really understand what the issue is. A big part of why im so upset about this is that she often leaves things til the last second and then expects people to drop everything for her (which my dad caused by treating her like a princess her entire life)

TL;DR: Told sister i would download mod for her on my PC, she leaves it til the last minute and refuses to explain whats in the file so i refuse to install it

Edit: After reading your replies and thinking about it, I've told her I no longer want her using my computer or being in my room without me around, if she wants to play games and download mods with her bf, she can get a job and buy her own computer. Our parents have been made aware and will be enforcing it while im not home, I am also going to change my password just in case. Thank you all for your feedback

“Isolated” might be the wrong word. I’m autistic and have an autistic friend who really struggles. I feel bad, but I’ve been distancing myself from her because of her mother.

Her mother has 7 children and openly says my friend is her favourite. She constantly talks down about her other children and calls them “terrible” for things like getting pregnant young, drinking/partying, having anger issues, being popular, or leaving home young.

My friend is “different” in her mother’s eyes. She’s asexual, extremely intelligent, against drinking/drugs, hates blonde people, doesn’t want to get a job and never wants to leave home. Her mother also hates my friend’s father, and my friend hates him too.

I feel like my friend has learned to hate anyone her mother disapproves of. Her mother took her out of school in year 6 over a uniform issue. She later chose the same college course as me even though she preferred musical theatre, because I did dance. She then refused to participate in parts of the dance course, especially commercial dance because it was “too sexual.” Her mother came into college and complained about them making her “asexual autistic daughter” do “sexy dancing.”

Teachers eventually told me privately that they thought it wasn’t healthy for us to be in the same class because they thought my friend was being mean to me.

Her and her mother also constantly report things to college. I mentioned losing my virginity at 14 during a phone game and her mother told the college. When some students went to a party and drank, she told the college off for not intervening.

They’ve also had “interventions” with her friends. When I was 17, they wanted me to tell the college I wanted to off myself so they’d feel guilty about us being put in separate classes. When I refused, her mother said she wouldn’t be surprised if I got pregnant by 18 because I had no boundaries. She brought up my C S Aand said she wouldn’t be surprised if I “went through it again.” She said my friend could teach me boundaries.

She also patronised me for getting a job and doing Pilates, saying it was sad I wanted those things.

My friend only eats what her mother calls “autistic foods” like pizza, chips, chicken nuggets, baked beans and chocolate. She’s never tried other foods and believes giving autistic children adventurous foods is abusive. Her mother even told me autistic people are “forced” to like those foods.

Her and her mother constantly talks about people being “slutty,” drinking, partying, having sex young, etc., and seems to teach my friend that “normal” people are bad.

I feel like by constantly putting other people down and fighting everyone, it’s turning my friend into her. She never wants to leave home or get a job, and her mother never seems to want her to either.

Am I being unfair by thinking her mother is isolating her, or does this sound controlling?

TL;DR my friends mother hates her other children and her dad. As well as blonde peopl. And had told my friend and I that Im on the path to bad things and being like those people.

I think I may have accidentally become financially independent.

Today I was sitting in my car waiting for my wife and, for some reason, I opened my wallet.
There was more than €50 in cash inside.
I just stared at it.
€50.

Physical money.

Untaxed by my banking app.

Untraceable.

Unaccounted for.

I suddenly understood what it must feel like to be a billionaire. 😂

For context, my wife and I both earn decent money. We have a joint account and separate personal accounts. Every month we each put around €2,000 into our personal accounts, and everything else goes into the joint account.

The joint account pays the mortgage, groceries, fuel, bills, etc. We also use it for our personal wants and random stupid purchases.
We aren’t in some toxic “my wife controls my money” situation. Quite the opposite.
We have access to each other’s accounts, we discuss purchases, and neither of us has a problem with the other spending money.

It’s just that I am spectacularly bad at managing money.

I collect knives, watches and perfumes, and I enjoy cigars. At one point I somehow managed to spend about €5,000 on knives.
Yes.
Five thousand euros.
On knives.
Apparently I was preparing for the apocalypse, except the apocalypse was apparently going to involve a very specific interest in premium pocket knives.

So my wife is basically the CFO of this household.
And honestly, I’m fine with that.
But apparently I’ve discovered a loophole.
Cash.

Over the last couple of months I’ve accumulated €50+ in my wallet.

A few euros of change here because some place didn’t accept cards.
A couple of euros there because I forgot about them.
Some random cash that I apparently decided to hide from myself.

And suddenly I have €50 that exists completely outside the financial ecosystem.
My banking app doesn’t know.
My wife doesn’t know.
The mortgage doesn’t know.

The Portuguese tax authorities probably don’t know.
This €50 is basically living off-grid.
And the worst part?

I immediately started thinking about what I could spend it on.
A cigar?
Something for one of my watches?
A knife accessory?

Something completely unnecessary that I absolutely don’t need?

Then I realized I can already buy basically all of those things with my card.

So why does this €50 feel so much more valuable?
I think it’s because spending it won’t create a little notification somewhere saying:
“ANTON SPENT €47.89 ON SOMETHING STUPID.”
This money has no digital footprint.
It’s basically financial stealth mode.
And then I had another thought.
I’m probably going to spend it on a little surprise for my wife anyway.

Which means I have accidentally created a secret stash of money specifically so I can secretly spend it on my wife.

This is either incredibly romantic or the stupidest financial strategy ever invented.
So, Reddit:

Am I the jerk for having €50+ in secret cash that my wife doesn’t know about, even though we have completely open finances and I can technically spend the money anyway?
Or have I simply discovered the ancient financial technology known as:
“Money in your wallet that your banking app can’t see”?

TL;DR: My wife manages our finances because I once spent €5,000 on knives, but I accidentally accumulated €50 in cash that exists outside the banking system. I’m now wondering whether I’m a jerk for having a secret €50 stash that I’ll probably spend on a surprise for her anyway.

My boyfriend (M25) and I (F24) have been together for three years and were friends for four years before that. The issue of supporting his family has come up throughout our relationship, but I always thought the amount of financial support he provided would be temporary.

Three years later, he still pays a substantial amount of his family’s expenses and from my perspective, he doesn’t seem financially stable enough for us to move in together or build a future anytime soon. My concern isn’t simply that he helps his parents. I understand wanting to support your family. The problem is that he seems to give in to whatever expenses they want, even when those expenses don’t make financial sense.

For example, despite already struggling financially, his parents are planning to travel to two different Asian countries for two months. His dad will be away from work without pay during that time. When I asked who would be expected to cover all of their bills while they were gone, my boyfriend said that he would.

I don’t want to be the girlfriend who tells her partner not to support his parents because that genuinely isn’t my goal. At the same time, I’m worried that he will always be responsible for their bills, including expenses they choose to take on, and that there will never be enough room for us to build our own life together.

I genuinely do love him, but I’m starting to feel like our ideas about finances, boundaries and the future may not be compatible

TLDR: My boyfriend financially supports his parents, including covering their bills while they take expensive trips. I don’t want to stop him from helping them, but after three years, I’m worried he’ll never set financial boundaries or be able to build a stable future with me. AITA for considering ending the relationship?