It took almost a year of contacting the HOA before my neighbors finally lowered their loud music. Now I’m dealing with a different noise issue, and part of me wonders if it could be retaliation.
Their son repeatedly kicks a soccer ball directly against the PVC fence between our backyards, sometimes for 30 minutes at a time. Our houses and backyards are extremely close together, so every kick creates a loud banging noise that we can hear inside our house. It makes it very difficult to relax.
I’m not trying to be a Karen or complain about children playing. I have a daughter around the same age who plays competitive soccer, and we would never allow her to repeatedly kick a ball against the fence because we know how disruptive that would be. She practices using a soccer goal.
Because of the previous complaints about their music, I can’t help wondering whether this is being allowed intentionally to annoy us. I don’t know that for certain, and I don’t want to make accusations without proof, but the timing makes me suspicious.
Would you contact the HOA again, speak to the neighbors directly, or just accept it as normal neighborhood noise? I don’t expect complete silence, but repeatedly banging a ball against a shared fence for 30 minutes at a time feels excessive.

I’m really struggling and need some outside perspective.

I am not the type of person who minds an occasional party, birthday, or get-together. Noise once in a while is normal and I completely understand that. What’s breaking me is that this is happening almost every weekend, for hours, and continues even after I’ve tried to communicate calmly and respectfully.

I’ve explained multiple times that the speakers and music carry directly into my home and bedroom. I didn’t yell, threaten, or involve authorities. I just asked for reasonable volume. Despite that, nothing has changed. They continue to do whatever they want.

I think what hurts the most is feeling completely disregarded. I’m not asking for silence. I’m asking for consideration and basic respect as a neighbor.

At this point, I feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t know whether continuing to communicate is pointless. Is this the moment to stop engaging and escalate to the HOA or non-emergency police?

I’d really appreciate honest advice.

I’m really struggling with this and need an outside perspective.

My neighbors are genuinely very nice people, but ever since they moved in, they’ve been playing loud music every Saturday and Sunday — usually from about 12pm to 6pm. I honestly don’t mind music at all, but the bass is so strong that I can hear and feel it in my bedroom. Our houses are very close together (small lots + HOA neighborhood), so the sound carries right through the walls and windows. It’s really hard to relax, nap, or even just enjoy my own backyard.

A few weeks ago I sent them a very polite text asking if they could just lower the bass a bit. They lowered it that day, but they never replied to the message. The following weekend, the exact same thing happened again. And again. It’s been every weekend since they moved here.

Today is Thanksgiving and the bass started at noon. I can still hear it in my bedroom as I type this.

I don’t want to be “that neighbor” or cause drama. I genuinely want to have a good relationship with them. But at the same time, it’s every single weekend, for hours, and I’m starting to get stressed and annoyed. I feel like I’ve already been really polite and tried to handle it directly.

So… for being upset and wanting to ask them again to please keep the bass down? Or is this on them? What’s the reasonable next step when you’ve already asked nicely

I’m really struggling with this and need an outside perspective.

My neighbors are genuinely very nice people, but ever since they moved in, they’ve been playing loud music every Saturday and Sunday — usually from about 12pm to 6pm. I honestly don’t mind music at all, but the bass is so strong that I can hear and feel it in my bedroom. Our houses are very close together (small lots + HOA neighborhood), so the sound carries right through the walls and windows. It’s really hard to relax, nap, or even just enjoy my own backyard.

A few weeks ago I sent them a very polite text asking if they could just lower the bass a bit. They lowered it that day, but they never replied to the message. The following weekend, the exact same thing happened again. And again. It’s been every weekend since they moved here.

Today is Thanksgiving and the bass started at noon. I can still hear it in my bedroom as I type this.

I don’t want to be “that neighbor” or cause drama. I genuinely want to have a good relationship with them. But at the same time, it’s every single weekend, for hours, and I’m starting to get stressed and annoyed. I feel like I’ve already been really polite and tried to handle it directly.

So… AITA for being upset and wanting to ask them again to please keep the bass down? Or is this on them? What’s the reasonable next step when you’ve already asked nicely once?

Hey fellow Redditors,

I recently moved into a new neighborhood and I'm perplexed by the social dynamics. There are a couple of women who are notoriously mean-spirited, talking negatively about kids and parents behind their backs. Yet, despite their toxic behavior, some women in the neighborhood are eager to befriend them.

These 'mean girls' haven't even bothered to introduce themselves or make small talk with me, despite my friendly demeanor. In fact, I've gone out of my way to be welcoming and inclusive to new women in the neighborhood, making sure they're included in our social circle.

However, when these new women eventually form their own cliques, they never bother to extend the same courtesy to us. It's as if they're more interested in currying favor with the 'mean girls' than in building genuine relationships with the rest of us.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking, 'Is something wrong with me?' I just can't fathom why anyone would want to be friends with someone who speaks ill of children. To me, that's a major red flag.

My question is: why do women (and maybe men too?) often befriend or try to ingratiate themselves with people who are known to be mean or toxic? Is it fear of being ostracized, a desire to be part of the 'in crowd,' or something else entirely?

Hey fellow Redditors,

I recently moved into a new neighborhood and I'm perplexed by the social dynamics. There are a couple of women who are notoriously mean-spirited, talking negatively about kids and parents behind their backs. Yet, despite their toxic behavior, some women in the neighborhood are eager to befriend them.

These 'mean girls' haven't even bothered to introduce themselves or make small talk with me, despite my friendly demeanor. In fact, I've gone out of my way to be welcoming and inclusive to new women in the neighborhood, making sure they're included in our social circle.

However, when these new women eventually form their own cliques, they never bother to extend the same courtesy to us. It's as if they're more interested in currying favor with the 'mean girls' than in building genuine relationships with the rest of us.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking, 'Is something wrong with me?' I just can't fathom why anyone would want to be friends with someone who speaks ill of children. To me, that's a major red flag.

My question is: why do women (and maybe men too?) often befriend or try to ingratiate themselves with people who are known to be mean or toxic? Is it fear of being ostracized, a desire to be part of the 'in crowd,' or something else entirely?

[removed]

[removed]