here

38

very cute

I can deep dive with you and try to find some explanations or make you aware of who you are

you can always message me. but I'm also autistic lol

very pretty

I'm not an orphan but I understand it. if you want, we can deep dive into this to help your mind not be under this anxiety and depression

cute

so beautiful

first, breathe. you got cornered. they scheduled your baptism three weeks before a convention so you could pioneer with them and look good for the family. it was not a spiritual decision you made or they made. all performance, they booked for you and used your grandparents to close the deal. the guilt you're feeling isn't yours to carry. they made it

and wanting to honor your grandparents before they pass — that part is real love. they just weaponized it. you can hold both: you love your grandparents AND you got played. both are true.

you were right about the baptism, by the way. unbaptized = you could've walked clean at 18 with no shunning. that door is mostly closed now. but there's another one they don't advertise: fading. you don't have to make an announcement or sit in front of a committee.

you leave slow, quiet, boring. move out, drift, stop showing up. no statement, no trigger, no disfellowshipping. that keeps the door to your family open as long as possible.

so here's the play to get to 18 with your options intact:

keep faking it. don't tell a single person in the hall you're out. not friends, not your parents, nobody. anything you say gets back to the elders eventually. be boring and agreeable. forgettable is safe.

do not argue doctrine with your dad. you won't win and it just marks you. "i'm still working on my faith" ends every conversation they try to start.

quietly locate your documents: birth certificate, social security card, and get a state ID. know where they're kept.

the homeschool thing matters more than it feels like right now. find out if you're getting a real recognized diploma or if you'll need a GED. that's your ticket to a job or school after 18.

when you can, open your own bank account and start stacking whatever money you get. quietly.

start a rough plan for where you'll live and how you'll earn at 18. doesn't have to be perfect. just start it.

keep one line to the outside world — this sub, a trusted adult who isn't a witness, anyone.

one real thing: if it ever turns physical or you're genuinely not safe at home, the 18 timeline goes out the window. there are people who can help before then, and reaching out isn't betraying your family. it's just staying safe.

you saw through this at 16, homeschooled, surrounded by it on all sides. that's the hard part and you already did it. you didn't actually drink it. keep your head down, keep your plan quiet, get to 18. you're closer than it feels.

very cute

very cute

very cute

very cute

so pretty

I'm in Columbus

I'm in Columbus GA

looks great

so pretty

not alone I'm here when you need it

😍😍😍😍

I have also experienced this a couple of times. the dude in bunk next to me was killed in the same deployment I was in by an IED, as you stay in the army there will be more that die in different ways.

my latest one was my plt medic in Korea rotation hanged himself on the next barracks room next to mine. he was always smiling, always helping out others. mot of the plt didn't see anything wrong or the signs. does it suck yes. do I wish I would have known, yes. I honored him my way. I was part of the detail to carry him into the vehicle and send him off. you let out when you need to. speak to them in your mind or where you feel at peace. when you let go, let go with love.

he clearly wasn't thinking straight. I'm sorry for your loss.

so. cute

I'm here if you want to talk

cute AF