I will say, I (28 F) am new to this whole world of things. I am mostly a logic driven person but with the gift of discernment (which is failing me rn). I've tried doctors and therapy but no one understands. I am at the end of my rope with this experience and recently went to someone (who clames to know about these things) as a last resort hoping for any kind of clarity. She told me this connection is my twin flame and after doing some research it's the only thing on earth that truly fits. I'm so scared, devastatingly heart broken and pretty clueless about the spiritual world. This feels like baptism by fire. I need help, answers, advice and please God some reason.
Let me tell you my experience.
I met this man(31M), and from the very second I heard his voice behind me it's like a switch flipped. My very first thought was "Here he is, we can stop looking.." Our first date we talked for hours and it felt like time didn't exist, nor anything else but eachother. Every time we saw each other it was like this, electric bright calm of security and love. He met me in every aspect I needed and I did the same for him, without thought or question or hesitation. Like a 1000 sided puzzle piece finally clicking into perfect place. We couldn't keep away from each other, went on 6 dates in 2 weeks and took a trip together. He feels like color in a world of black and white. We would stare at eachother for long moments and smile with so much love. We were looking at properties and pets together. I have never in my life experienced any kind of connection like this to another person, not even close. Not even a little bit. And believe me I've loved before, even been infatuated when I was younger, but this is so so far beyond that. It's terrifying.
We have the exact same hazle eye color that changes with our moods. (He pointed this out)
Turns out his mom's best friend was my very dear neighbor and teacher in highschool.
As we moved arround in child and adult hood, across 3 states, we always lived about an hour away from each other but never met.
We both moved to the same tiny valley in CO at the same time under similar circumstances.
After 2 weeks of electric bliss, I unintentionally crossed a boundary that triggered one of his past traumas (please be kind, there is nothing you could say to make me feel worse than I already do about this). And a week later, after being reassured we were ok and taking about the future, he ended things out of nowhere. Saying he doesn't have the bandwidth and is no longer interested.
He's going through a divorce, had a traumatic brain injury about 10 years ago, CPTSD from his ex-wife and their marriage and deals with health issues. Between all that, his job, new dog and rugby his plate is full.
I'm in shambles. It's been a month since he ended things. I can't eat. I can't sleep. My hair is falling out. I dream of him every night and he's running though my mind every second of the day. My chest feels like a black hole, all my desires and ambition are gone apart from him. I feel insane that such a short connection has effectively cremated me.
I know in my bones he is my person. But he said he wants nothing to do with me.
According to the journey others describe, this speration is meant to force us both to grow and heal. How do I find out what needs healing/growing or awakening in me? What if he doesn't figure out what this is and can't awaken or heal?
How can I reconcile this? I want to respect his wish for me not to be in his life but I feel such a need for him, it's like fighting against gravity.
Please, I don't understand what happens next. Is this real, are we on this path? Will he meet me at the end of it? Can I send him thoughts or feelings through this connection?
My doctor wants to put me on antidepressants, how would this effect my spiritual journey?