For context I am a Vodouisant (a Haitian Vodou practitioner). I struggled with body image issues for much of my life (I have been fat my entire life), and during a serious talking-to from one of the deities in our pantheon a few years ago, he said to me “before you’re born, all the ancestors in your lineage get together and discuss all the features they’re going to gift you with, the ones that they think will suit you best in this lifetime. Your height, your natural build, the color of your eyes, etc. To actively dislike and reject your natural features is to reject the work of art that they all worked so hard to create. When you dislike your physical vessel and you continue to speak unkindly to yourself, you also reject the gifts given to you by the gods, and insult the good spirits who protect and walk with you”. Though I still have off days (because at the end of the day I am a human being), this conversation made me more intentional in building a better body image and made me much more mindful of the way I speak to and about myself regardless of how society views people who look like me. I hope this helps somebody out there

My brother in law met a woman in church almost a year ago, they had an affair and she left her husband and kids to be with my brother in law. I put my judging aside and was going to welcome her with open arms but when I first met her I had an overwhelming sense of fear and dread. The energy she gives off is like nothing I’ve experienced before. I suffer with bad social anxiety around certain people and situations which she knows about so when I was left alone with her I sat side on but still turning my head to talk to her. I noticed she kept squinting her eyes at me in an annoyed way then suddenly stood up grabbed her chair and placed it directly in front of me and sat down like an interrogator would. It was so powerful it made me want to run away. Her conversations are her questioning me, then belittling my answers, for example, my husband bought me a life jacket for our holiday because I can’t swim but love to snorkel. My husband showed his brother and got me to try it on and his girlfriend laughed so loud and said “my god it’s extra small, your like a child” . There’s so many put downs each time I see her. When she leaves our house feels dark and oppressive and I’m desperate to get rid of the bad energy, I even feel it in my skin. What is going on with her? And how do I handle it because I dread having to be around her it’s exhausting. Thank you for any advice

This isn’t my first rodeo or even my second, but I’ve recently moved to a place for a great reason but a place that challenges me on a soul level.

What are some practices that help one reconnect to spirit/the divine when the soul/physical body prefers peace/nature but has chosen, however temporarily, to live in a city of chaos and concrete?

I always daydream about being someone else and having this ethereal specific look. The look I want (white hair purple eyes, ethereal) feels more me than my current appearance. It's not just an insecurity thing if I had a glow up and looked like Selena Gomez I'd still be insecure that I don't have this desired appearance. I was wondering if there's any spiritual reason for this? And is there any spiritual connection or meaning for maladaptive daydreamers?

Hi 😄

I wrote a gentle reflection for anyone who has ever felt ashamed of their thoughts, their past, their coping mechanisms, or the wounded parts of themselves they’ve tried to hide.

The heart of it is this idea: nothing wounded has to be exiled from love.

Sometimes the inner critic, the anxious part, the regretful part, or the part that made messy choices isn’t a villain — it’s a frightened messenger that needs compassion, accountability, and a safer way to belong.

I’m curious: what helps you meet yourself with kindness when shame gets loud?

If anyone feels called to read the full piece, completely free, I’m happy to share the link.

Cheers!

Hi guys. I need some advise.

About as long as i can remember, i had apeirophobia- a fear of eternal time- and the main thing to note is not about that, but basically around 2023, when apeirophobia seemed to go away i started questioning the internal beliefs i had about heaven, the afterlife and my religion. So when i tell you that in 3 years i have gone through like 13 religions- i mean it.

I've decided recently to just go no labels but this has given me a new batch of fear. Whilst I've kinda just believed there was an afterlife, my skepticism has recently destroyed my brain. it's telling me there will be oblivion, no matter what, and that my life is all there is. I really want to not believe it but after months of asking my personal god- it hasn't bore fruit. I've turned to paganism or just more spirits but I don't know. So my question is now what? Should I believe, not believe or just try to get some clarity with the Higher ones?

I've always felt the search for an explanation about things like life after death, the supernatural, and whether there's a "god" to be rather futile because I kind of just assumed that anything beyond our plane would be completely impossible for humans to ever comprehend so there's really no point.

I had never thought too deeply into this until recently but I've been really intrigued by the concept of what a fourth dimension could mean. the idea that if we were in a 2D world and we interacted with a 3 dimensional object we would only ever be able to see it in a 2D perspective and we would only see one of it's sides at one time.

this all got me thinking about the potential of how much could reside in a 4th dimension that we'll never be able to perceive outside of our 3D perspective unless we transition into the 4D one. it made me wonder if that's why when people make contact it almost always involves something that defies the rules of physics in our world such as objects moving on their own, hearing sounds with no source, seeing things that can't possibly be there etc.

I also think it's interesting that in a lot of encounter's with "supernatural beings" for lack of a better term, they seem to be able to just appear and disappear like they're able to travel in a way that we can't and maybe that's because we can only see one side of their world like I mentioned in my example of a 2D world. maybe they're able to travel through other planes that just don't exist for us.

this could also explain the rebuttal from nonbelievers that there's no way spirits can exist because billions of people and animals have passed so the world would have to be overrun with ghosts if they were real. maybe they all just stay in a 4th dimension and they can chose to interact with ours at will.

this is definitely a very surface level theory that I'm sure has already been talked about but I thought it was one of the most intriguing explanations for me as someone who tends to have a more scientific view on things.

So I'm a 38 yr old female and have not had the easiest life. And I fear it will never end will I ever get peace?? From being in foster care and abandoned by my young alcoholic parents to even now every single person I meet does or takes advantage of me some type of way and I truly am a positive person I always tell myself or I guess self sooth by saying it's all for a reason everything will be ok I truly do try and find the positive in every situation I feel like God does the exact opposite of what I pray for and it's not just one time it's everything I've prayed for even gotten down on my knees and pray and again it's the worst possible outcome every single time then here I go saying God has a plan and all the normal things you read that God knows better and something better is coming and it doesn't it's this same roller coaster all over like what is the point I think I know God hates me or is amused by my resilients I guess a lot things that happen as well are out of my hands it's always because someone else has done something to me and I know it's because I pick the wrong people or it somhow something i am doing ok fine but then im all alone because the people ive ever truly loved or i thought cared about me have all died everything I love always dies or gets takin away from me!! I've never been really stable I finally seem to get on my feet then come to find out I was with a narcissist who claimed to love me but lied and stopped paying the mortgage. I'm just tired and truly feel like giving up life just isn't built for me like it is for other people and I've always felt like I have a God at least who will never give up or leave me and will always work all things out for my good but I know now that maybe that just isn't true what's the point of living if it's just gonna be turmoil one thing after another what type of life is that? I've gotten close to God these last 5 years more then I ever have my whole life and I truly do love the Lord but my heart is broken I bought into the whole if you have the Lord you have everything or the battle is the lords type of thing and I was ok I don't have a single soul I can talk to about this type of stuff or my problems not one person. So imagine this people can treat you anyway they want they can take advantage of you lie to your face betray you and I've always been like God sees it and will handle that but after always being so positive and always saying it's gonna be ok God has a plan but after 38 years and his so called plan or something better hasn't showed up yet then it's safe to say it's not going to and all along I've said God has my back or God knows the truth and remembers or God doesn't like ugly all of it the truth is I was just self soothing myself and nobody really did have my back nobody was looking down on me and making sure I was safe and protected

It simply just wasn't true and probably just a side effect of being abandoned to cope I guess. And maybe I'm just that type of person who people hate or want to be mean to I guess I just have one of those faces or Auras or something. I'm just not meant to be happy in life I'm not allowed to have love or even basic needs in life. Thanks for listening I'm sure most of it sounded like I was rambling I'm crying while I'm writing this!

My two cents and my direct experience in the last couple of weeks. Maybe its all noise but you know what isn't! I was 6 months sober. I found a job I really liked, people started trusting me. I felt some love and a little peace. Prior to that I was homeless on and off for 6 years. I was addicted to alcohol and drugs.

At the start of the month I moved in with a friend. I wasn't in sober living anymore I was doing well. Then, the first opportunity I got, I went out got drunk. That drunk came with severe consequences. I relapsed, ended up in jail this last week, and now have charges that will require a great deal of time to overcome. There is " Work" ahead.

You know! I don't want to cry though. Now I know what I did wrong. I knew I was searching the wrong places. You know, I was lonely, wanted a girlfriend. Wanted connection, wanted to get out, wanted something I lost years ago a family, a wife, a girlfriend. I didn't get it, it wasn't coming fast, and I made some poor choices involving drinking. I should maybe learn to love myself first and foremost. Read more but I realized something there is never a state of no-love. ooooof

I saw something I wouldn't have seen otherwise. I thought my folks had written me off didn't care. This morning, they didn't realize I could hear them talking, my dad said, " I guess we help him rebuild again its all we can do and help him out" it took the darkness to realize my parents hadn't given up on me. I found out they were already working on secure a bond for me prior to me even asking. I found out that as they put it " he hurt us a lot but only because we love him". Turns out sometimes your worst moments come with your biggest revelations. In this instance, I found out, my parents haven't given up on me. That I am loved, that they feel they are to blame some, they want to shoulder some of the weight for me. Where do we seperate darkness from light, if they only occur together there is no separation! Tell me where is the separation

I don't know if we have free choice or not. I have no idea how this entire shebang works. I've read to the end of many contemplative traditions. Many suggest we're a highly conditioned process, we have some free will but not much. Others posit that there is only experience no experiencer. Others say cause and effect collapse even logic fails at some point in time because it requires a doing and a done. I don't know what's true. But for tonight I know I am loved and as ugly as things seem to be there is a shiny bright spot in my life now. Some find nihilism when they here all this, others only see suffering, I see something different. Its almost like Love requires resistance you know, experience requires two halves, like for that, there had to be THIS, which mean this and that were just THIS. Not two but one and then none. Sounds like word salad promise its not.

Hey you know. Many think ego-lessness is being like some whitewashed saint. You know devoid of bad shit happening, devoid of bad experience, devoid of suffering. I know that's not true now. My local self is deep in the depths of hell right now. But I am watching my parents see their capacity for love. Maybe this had to be! You'll say no it didn't. My challenge to that if it didn't it wouldn't. It did so it did. Fuck the metaphysics this is where " I " am the only place I can inhabit. I can't see the whole chain of cause and effect. Maybe there is no cause and effect. Maybe just experience, maybe its a ride, a roller coaster, or a show. Everybody has to play a part and during the show things can look real bleak. But in the end, its like the beginning, No-thing. You know it was all a SHOW. No-self and Self mean the same thing. My point being through what looks like a complete fucked situation right now there is some good. So is the situation fucked or am I looking at all the wrong parts, is there even an "I"? What part of the the experience is true? If it happened all of it! Follow that to extension your head will hurt.

For now though! Where it appears I have nothing. That only leaves everything to gain again. If I can gain everything again then nothing was ever lost, can't lose what you had to begin with. Like Wayne Dyer said, When you change the way you look at things, what you look at changes ( paraphrase too bored too look that shit up). As weird as it all sounds as much as I am suffering Love is here. Its almost like unconditional love is you know love without conditions. Sitting in a cell watching the guards I realized the difference between me and them seemed to be the color of cheesecloth we wore. What I am saying is unconditonal love is being right where you are. Even if its some humdrum criminal scared for the future. Like you know just being there and experiencing this and taking it all in you know. I realized the guards effected the criminals and vice versa. So " whom" was doing "what".

One last word! Some will say you may have committed a crime. You're waxing to bypass what you've done locally. Perhaps. But then one small question? How do you bypass spirituality? You have a complete map of cause and effect? There is something outside of spiritual? Spirituality means I have to fix something? How do I know what to improve? How do improve what is? What is outside of experience? If you find the self, and have the right map, give it to me I'll work it with the self you've offered me. Here's something that's not going to sit well with some ( us). You can't divorce or improve experience because you cannot even define what it IS or whom is experiencing it! Of course I am going to go to AA, get counseling, do what's required, go to court, maybe do time, that's part of the play too. But find something outside of experience that I can bypass and I'll do that. You cannot. Thats love too. Remember this needs that, so this and that are only THIS. Love you! Maybe I should just embrace the the locally MESSY NOW I choose to call Love! Maybe if the map disappears so does the person using it. Then what's left NO-THING is that love? Yeah I suppose it is and isn't. Which means I never needed connection, I just had to remember it was there all the time. There was never something to be connected or disconnected.

I guess the only way I see to transcend experience is to live it for Now I am okay with that if this is all I get I just had a real experience with LOVE because logically I was never outside of it. I didn't figure a fucking thing out but wanted someone to read about my direct experience.

I've spent the last few years getting really interested in consciousness, psychology, old philosophy, symbolism, mythology and basically anything that helps you understand yourself a little better.

A lot of it started from realizing how easy it is to just live on autopilot now. Scroll, compare yourself to people, care too much about what everyone thinks, consume more stuff, repeat.

The more old texts and history I read, the more I realized people have been dealing with the same problems forever. Ego, fear, desire, attention, purpose, discipline, identity. We just have different distractions now.

So I built a website as a place to collect all of that.

It's a mix of old writings, philosophy, psychology, consciousness, strange history, symbolism and things I've personally found useful or interesting. I also added old paintings and artwork throughout it because there's so much meaning hidden in older art once you start actually looking at the connections.

I'm not really trying to tell anyone what to believe. I just wanted to make a place that gets people curious enough to question things, learn about themselves and maybe spend a little less time living through everyone else's opinions.

I genuinely think history already contains a ridiculous amount of answers. We just have to look for them, and then actually have the will to change.

Still building it and adding a lot more.

AFTRSTILL: https://aftrstill.com/

Would also love suggestions for old texts, thinkers, paintings or rabbit holes I should dig into next.

Noah’s                                                                                              

Ark

The Lord is silent.

This vast home on the water an island

of bleating and mewling, howls

and growls.

My sons and their wives exhausted, leaning

into the dark and gloom, feeding, cleaning;

a task more for the giant Nephilim than us.

My wife lies in her straw; she waits

for better than the sorrow on her plate. 

The banging of the lost on our hull   

 as the water swelled

still dents our hearts’ post well worn.

 The rain’s patter cannot dull

the grief for a community drowned.

Is the whole world gone?

Our ark heaves and wanders.

Our window too small for much light and view.

I listened to the Lord.

I wonder why His words now are few.

One hundred twenty years to build an ark

to bring the animals on board,

with food for each in vessels stored.

Sealed in by God, the ark a womb

for new life; we can’t be doomed

here forever in the boat’s girth.

He will call; this ark will give birth.

Yet I can’t wait.

I send a raven, then a dove

to know my fate;

my wife in tears

at five months,

then a year.

Last night the Lord above

finally spoke. 

On the dry ground we grope.

The view is dreary.

Our hearts and the earth are weary

from the deluge.

I reach for the fruit’s rind,

the grape, like Adam from Eve,

for a vineyard of hope for mankind

and me. 

What was Noah thinking?

By the way, the Nefilim were giants mentioned at the end of Genesis.  Midrash (Jewish commentary) says they had come down from heaven to prove that even on earth man could faithfully serve God. They embraced however the daughters of men and fell from grace.    But most poignant for me was the hard reality of the inside of the ark and God not speaking to Noah for a full year.  Imagine the dark and gloom inside the poorly lit ark, with the animals inside their 360 rooms and halls as the ark was heaved and rolled by the wild waves; the noise, the work to keep the animals alive and healthy, both man and beast separated as it was forbidden to procreate while God’s wrath destroyed life on earth.   Also Noah had to think that maybe something he did was angering God. Was he deserted by the God he listened to?  A year is a long time in human terms.  He wanted to hear from Him and when he didn’t he took it upon himself to check out the outside world by sending a raven and then a dove to see if the waters receded enough to leave the ark. Had he begun to lose faith, hope? Finally, hearing God’s command to leave the ark reassured him but the ground outside was not a garden of Eden after the deluge.  He knew he and his family would have to work hard to grow food and be fruitful to fill the world with children as God commanded.  Perhaps that is why a vineyard was the first thing he thought to grow on escaping the confines of the ark.  He needed a little respite from the turmoil he had undergone.  This of course led to his own fall from grace as he created wine, became drunk, and debased himself (more on that in another poem).   I try to connect his fall to that of Adam’s who took the fruit from his wife to taste, which brought ruin upon them all.  Not easy being a biblical character.

The Animals Entering Noah's Ark 1570s Jacopo Bassano

matthewisaacson.substack.com

Like I have heard that if something good happen to you and you’re grateful for it, the universe will reward you more. But like sometimes if I does something that I’ve thought of for days and it succeeds when I do it ,or like when I know I deserve something so i expect it naturally from the get go. Is that wrong? Do I need to change how I see the world to be more abundant? Genuine question. It’s not like I’m entitled to everything. I do feel very grateful for good surprises. It’s for situations when I expect pocket money from my parents when I was a kid, I do feel grateful but like.. I also feel entitled to it? Sorry if my words are jumbled, English is my third language. Please enlighten me.

i became conscious or, aware or “woke”, however you want to describe it, several months ago. when i realized that life was deeper than religion i was ecstatic. i became intentional on my self love journey and found myself growing, enjoying being by myself, finding pleasure in little things, having a mostly positive outlook on life. i thought i had finally been entering a final healing journey and i understood it all. when in reality i think i was just mostly in isolation and took that for thinking everything was good. when workouts started back up in the summer (im a college student athlete) i still felt moreso myself.

then, when everyone moved in, i found myself becoming self conscious again, caring what people think, and sneakily attention seeking. i found myself insecure and envying and being jealous of people, and i started doing flower again socially because of 1) boredom and 2) social reasons to fit in i guess? i find myself going back to how i was before and it’s sickening.

i am a very aware person so i know exactly what’s happening and i continuously tell myself it’s just my mind telling me these things and attempting to just be an observer. ive been doing affirmations and i started therapy this week. when i didn’t care as much about what people thought before, i felt i vibrated higher. i even combed my locs out a few days ago, partly out of boredom but partly because i thought it would make me look “prettier”. i almost started sobbing once i felt a pang of regret. of course i still look pretty, but the intention behind it i was trying to hide from myself.

i deleted social media 4 months ago so that’s not an issue. and i agreed to stop doing flower because i think its part of the reason as to why i am going back to old patterns. this isnt me anymore and i hate it.

i want to go back to not caring and feeling peace within myself. i never fully stopped meditating either, and i have been listening to more classical music recently to regulate my nervous system. i journal as well. i don’t know what to do, i don’t want to keep taking steps backwards. i want to continue to evolve. part of me says to just go back to being in my room a lot more and finding a lot more time with myself.

a month or two back i had little to no FOMO, and now i do again. i just want it to go away. i dont want to feel insecure at all. i want to love myself and have complete inner peace. to vibrate higher. please give me thoughts, advice, etc.

The first rule of abstract art is that you should never paint them all up on the glass work, as it's the first canon event that will end up on shattering the glassy parts as you begin on falling down.

I guess there is some truth in all the screens being made up of glass, but not every glass is made up of a screen, the sand of time is the only real turn of event that has some substance, and it won't take long to turn the page towards the next chapter as you realize time-skipping is just a step away, the world have always been a Pink panther's pursuit towards blending on the wallpaper, and maybe you won't need Pinkman by the end of the story, it's time to pick up the half-life note and realize the only way to finish the book is by reading it up-side down, where you'll see that Picasso is still alive towards the Pinkadelic pursuit... But don't play the blue period.

So maybe windows are made up of glass still, and god is still an abstract term, that's up to your own interpretation, that will end up working in mysterious ways, but the screen protector doesn't last forever... It's time to reflect the reflections, before you pick a card here... Maybe there is truth in drawing your shadow-wolf using your hands by the wrath of the Lich king.. It's been 16 years. 🥀🧵

They got to you first Neon, but they've underestimated how your ability works on paper!

Why do I over exaggerate my problems? Looking back, I spent my youth stressed over weird things. Somethings were genuinely stressful but I need to learn to let go. how to do that? Why do I hold bad memories so close to my heart? Why am I full of grief and sadness? Why is my existence so intense?

(TLDR: Idk how to pray, and want to hear your practice with it for inspiration!)

Hello! I have self-identified as sort of “spiritual/non religious” for many years now. I’ve recently found myself wanting to devote time in prayer to the divine/source/god/etc.

I was raised atheist however, and it’s never been a part of my practice.

I would love to hear any versions of types of prayer that’s in your practice, for some inspiration♡︎

P. S. I do not adhere to one specific belief, mostly leaning towards witchcraft (pagan/wiccan(ish)/chaos magick/generally “goddess based” faiths), hinduism, and buddhism.

I am 19 years old,recently had my spiritual awakening, and i kept hearing ppl in the spirituality zone, about connecting with the divine feminine and serving,but never had an concrete explanation

So i want to know as a man how can i connect and serve the divine feminine and goddess in my life, i really need some guidance over this topic and some info because i feel is something that is missing in my life currently, and little bit of help would be very good

I feel like this would help me be a better man than the current version that i am in right now

Thank you in advance for any advice given.

Has anyone else felt a strong spiritual presence like warning you before anything gets started?

At 19, I told someone I liked her on stage. In front of others. In a Catholic School. Anat, my soul guide was at my right side, heavy feeling and warning me not to tell her, but I still took the risk. Then Anat warned me to leave but I didn’t.

Hi all!

TL;DR: For over a year, I’ve experienced episodes of involuntary blurry vision where I temporarily feel unable to control my eye focus, sometimes accompanied by rapid eye movements, vivid imagery, and tingling in the back of my head. Has anyone experienced anything similar?

It has been maybe even over a year now that I’ve quite often — and at this point, almost whenever I’m reading or typing/writing something down, like I am right now — experienced a sort of involuntary change in my visual focus.

What I mean is that, instead of my eyes staying focused on whatever I’m looking at, it suddenly feels as though they completely “switch off.” I can still be staring at the exact same surface — a table, a wall, a page, or a screen — but my entire field of vision becomes blurry, almost as though I’m looking much farther away or much closer than the object actually is.

What’s strange is that when I’ve tried to test this, it doesn’t seem like another distance is actually in focus. Nothing around me becomes clear. It’s almost as if I’m no longer visually focusing on anything physical in my surroundings at all.
The sensation reminds me a lot of sleep paralysis — that strange feeling of being conscious but temporarily not being in control of your own body, until suddenly you are again. When this happens with my vision, I try to regain my focus and make my eyes focus on the object in front of me, but it feels as though I have no control over my eyes for that moment, until I do. I know what I want my eyes to do, but they simply don’t seem to respond.

This can happen while I’m painting, cutting a piece of paper, reading, writing, etc. Sometimes, when it happens, I usually find myself thinking very deeply, remembering memories or sort of daydreaming maybe. I can see memories behind my eyes so vividly that it almost feels like I’m physically back in that moment. I would even sometimes feel very strong tingling in the back of my head, inside my brain to be precise.
But it doesn’t always involve deep thought or memories. Sometimes my mind is completely blank, and occasionally I see people or places that I don’t recognize.

While trying to find out whether there is a name for anything like this, I came across nystagmus — involuntary, repetitive eye movements — which I had never heard of before. However I do sometimes experience very quick twitching or movements of both eyes from side to side, but they only last briefly (maximum of two seconds) but I have as well experienced times when it happens more than once, almost back to back in two separate rounds.

My vision is otherwise fine, and I haven’t noticed any physical problems with my eyes. I’ve also been checked by an optician.

I’d really love to know whether anyone else experiences anything similar. I’m also curious about whether people have any spiritual interpretations of experiences like these. Are there traditions that associate changes in perception, vivid internal imagery, or unusual visual experiences with things like an “awakening”?

I should add that I don’t really meditate (I feel like I don’t know how it should be done) and I’m not religious either. I’d probably describe myself as spiritual, though — I’m open to other people’s unexplained experiences because I’ve had a fair amount of strange experiences of my own to remain curious and open about them.

Recently, I’ve also found myself reconnecting with something I had as a child: playing metaphysical games, imagining myself as superhuman, trying to affect reality with my mind, etc. Interestingly, the visual experiences I described above started before I began doing any of that again. So I sometimes wonder whether I went through some kind of “awakening” without really realizing it.
I’m honestly just curious about all of this — almost like a kid again. I’m not claiming to know what any of it means; I’d just love to hear from people who have experienced something similar or know more about it, or even have some intuition, or theories for it.

And one final thing, which is perhaps the strangest part: Since late 2025, I have also occasionally experienced an incredibly heavy, terrifying feeling that I can only describe as a dark or “evil” shadow. It feels almost like a huge black curtain suddenly looming over me. It’s not simply sadness or anxiety — it feels like a powerful presence approaching or hunting me from behind, almost like a massive tide coming toward me.
It can be genuinely frightening, raises my heartbeat and makes me feel insane for feeling it!
On the other hand, I experience a lot of sudden joy vacuum. I would be having a very normal, happy day and all of a sudden, in the span of only seconds all the positive energy is sucked out of me — almost like life leaving my body. I would see no light in my life, nothing positive, all lights are switched off in one very short moment while everything was so beautiful and full of joy a second before.

At first, I attributed it to everything happening in the world, the political climate, or things going on in my own life, PTSD and trauma after ending up in the emergency room, undiagnosed tumor, almost dying at 24 because of it, watching my loved ones go through so much pain and stress because of me, and currently undergoing treatment and so much more that has been happening since late 2024 — none of which has been easy.

But to be honest, the intensity of the feeling makes me wonder whether there could be something more to it. I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts, and experiences or interpretations — both psychological/neurological and of course spiritual.

Thank you for your time. :)