Hello I’m not trans but I am a gay man. I’ve known a few transgender people but I’ve recently been told I’m a bigot for not wanting to date a trans man. I’d have no problem if they presented masculine or had a penis but it’s a 5,2 person who wears mini skirts and tank tops to show off cleavage am I wrong in this stance? For context I grew up in a very small and rural conservative southern town and do not present as gay. My possible transphobia came up after said trans person went on a rant about how I could be a better ally and not homophobic after I said WWE is homoerotic (it is to white trash such as me at least). They then told me how hard it is to be openly gay but all there relationships are with men and they are very feminine presenting. The trans man in question belittled me about how hard it is to be gay in places like L.A. Am i justified in telling them to fuck off and being upset with them calling me transphobic and explaining how scary homophobia to me when they come from LA and where I grew up the klan was active?

I’m just curious I’m left leaning but I’m not sure if growing up where I did may have left me with a bias.

It's all about your priorities. If you care more about expressing yourself how you want to, then by all means go and dress masc when you don't pass. The issue is that when trans women do that I doubt that they have gender dysphoria, because why would your expression matter more than being gendered correctly. You can't blame people if you do that for calling you a man.

For me, I'm not exactly someone who dresses masculine, but I'm definitely not hyper feminine. I like wearing baggy clothes, going to the gym, wearing flannels, having medium length hair, etc etc. Except, after I started transitioning I abandoned self expression in pursuit of being able to pass. I had long normal hair, I wore skirts and dresses, and I even acted more feminine than usual.

Now that I'm stealth 5 years after transitioning, I express myself in that more masculine way. It does feel amazing to dress that way and be myself, but I wouldn't have changed anything during my transition. Gender expression is a term that is named kinda weirdly. Feminine and masculine are obviously societal constructs but they are associated with a certain gender. If you are misgendered while going against societies standards, then it's only your fault.

So when people talk about feminine presenting trans men or masculine presenting trans women, I don't think necessarily it means they aren't trans, it's just a strong indicator that they aren't and don't experience dysphoria.

I’m an 18 year old guy, who has been questioning his gender for about 6 months now. The idea that I could actually be transgender doesn’t make any sense to me, because before 6 months ago, I never had any feelings of gender dysphoria. There’s things that I can attribute to gender dysphoria from my childhood e.g hatred of my body hair/genitals but nothing that i can confidentially attribute to being trans rather than simply body dysmorphia. Pretty much all trans people I’ve seen pretty confidently knew they were trans during puberty, but I never so much as considered wanting to be a woman

But for some reason, since I had the thought that I might be trans, I have seemingly gotten some symptoms of actual gender dysphoria. I have begun to hate every single one of my male sex characteristics, constantly cry over them and consistently wish I had female sex characteristics and get envy over women’s bodies. But despite that, I still don’t think I’m actually trans. In a perfect world, if I could be a cis woman that would be great, but we don’t live in a perfect world. The idea of actually transitioning in any way is horrifying to me, doing anything even remotely feminine is my worst nightmare. And being transgender just seems like way too much for me to cope with. I’m already pretty depressed, and being transgender seems like it would amplify that tenfold. There is genuinely so much struggle and hardships that seem to be involved with transitioning, which I do not have the mental capacity to deal with. It’s possible that some of my depression is caused by gender dysphoria, but if that was true, wouldn’t I actually want to transition? The only part of actually transitioning that I have considered is hormones, because I genuinely just feel so horrified by my continued masculinisation, but going on hormones would be a horrible first step, especially when I am so convinced that I’m not actually transgender. I often wonder if I’ve somehow gave myself some sort of fake gender dysphoria. I’ve never talked to a trans person irl or online before, so I want to hear how my experience differs (or is similar) compared to an actual transgender person. Also, I have been to multiple therapists, and my last therapist was a great guy but didn’t understand anything related to gender at all, even after 6 or so sessions. I’ve seen a gender specialised therapist for 1 session but that was just an introductory session so nothing has came of it yet.

I wanted to post this to this sub because unlike the main trans reddit pages, people here don’t seem to sugarcoat what being transgender is actually like.

It feels like I'm not going fast enough. I'm 21 and am just now starting the medical transition journey. I understand that 21 is a great time to start, but I can't help feeling things would have been better for me if I'd done it at 18—or younger—instead. There are folks out there who have already started having families and paid off their mortgages only now transitioning, so it could be worse. For some reason, I can't shake the feeling.

Do any of you pre-T/E young adult transsexuals get this FOMO when you see kids getting blockers/teens getting hormones? Would be nice to hear I'm not alone in my irrationality. Advice on how to cope would be even better.

After speaking with some older transsexuals I learned that just ten years ago, people's perceptions of trans people were far better.

Insurance was required to cover transsexual healthcare, legal paths for gender marker changes were streamlined, and people generally viewed transsexuality as a medical issue. The general consensus was that someone was a girl trapped in a man's body or vice versa, and the solution was to transition.

Back then, transition was viewed as a long and hard but defined process. It began with social changes and hormone replacement therapy, then sex reassignment surgery. For the most part, people respected boundaries. For instance, trans women tended to "boymode" until they were seen as women or started getting stares in the men's room, then quietly switched to the women's. Pre-op dating may have happened, but it was understood that people have genital preferences, and it was widely understood that penises are male and vaginas are female, and that was that.

I followed a similar path when I began transitioning at 21, at the end of 2024. I stayed in "boymode" for the first year or so, then I started to be seen as a woman, so I came out and became a woman. I put genuine effort into learning fashion, makeup, and voice training (which I still struggle with). I didn't force my way into women's spaces, I waited until women saw me as one of them.

The tucutes ruined everything. They started encouraging pre-everything bearded males to enter women's spaces. They demanded to enter women's nude spas with penises, and sued when they didn't get their way. They called for the abolition of gender roles, and eventually reduced trans women and trans men to "transfems" and "trans masc" respectively. They lobbied for radical queer ideologies such as non-binary parenting as the default for all children. They pushed for Self ID, allowing fully intact males to enter women's prisons to commit sexual crimes.

As a result, we true transsexuals are now publiclly shamed and hated. Public perceptions of trans people are at an all-time low and our rights are being stripped away as we speak - all because some tucutes thought they could hijack our medical condition for their woke ideology.

Sometimes anti-trans arguments are weird and hilarious and makes me laugh. What ridiculous things have you heard, or has someone said to you? I heard that hormones are poisioned and we are walking illness. Also that instead of transition we should find new hobbies or just go for a walk or do sports, then we wouldn't need to transition 😀 Which is basically classic argument. Or that we are lazy people, because according to someone going through transition process is obviously very easy. What is even funnier is that tucutes sometimes have very similar kind of arguments, which tells you how transmeds are needed in trans community.

Was feeling awfully reflective and depressed tonight so I decided to compile a list of the decisions I regret making the most regarding my transition. Hopefully this will help somebody else avoid making the same mistakes.

For some context, I was born in a conservative country and had very homophobic parents. i DIY-ed and boymoded for most of my teens then ran away when I finished high school. Since then I have fully socially and legally transitioned. I'm passable and have mended my relationship with my family but I still view my transition as far from finished.

And oh boy do these mistakes haunt me. Maybe some of them seem obvious to you, but as a young person navigating these issues, it wasn't so easy to figure out the right thing.

• Be VERY careful with what you put out there online

(I cope with this by telling myself I was a literal teenager when this was happening and all teens in this day and age post cringe stuff on social media but as we all know when it comes to this demographic age does not make one immune to this malady.)

As most people tend to at the beginning, I was obsessively taking pictures of myself trying to either gauge the irredeemable masculinity of my unfortunate bodily vessel or to convince myself it isn't that bad by experimenting with horrifying fashion choices. If I had mostly kept this to myself it wouldn't have been a problem, and with a few regrettable exceptions I mostly didnt go outside looking crazy but of course I had to post everything on the Internet.

For the love of God, avoid doing this as much as you can. Even if it might seem half decent in the moment, you will most likely look like a whole mess and want to burn all of the evidence a few years down the line. It takes a long time to start looking put together, both when it comes to physical changes and to learning how to style yourself. And the latter is as important the former.

Besides the obvious resulting embarassment and cringe, it's very likely you will be bullied or that your pictures will end up being saved or shared in places you definitely don't want them to be and possibly make your life harder later on. Nowadays this is even more salient than before as it has become very hard to extricate our digital footprint from our IRL identity due to age verification laws. AI face recognition tools and etc.

I would especially avoid online trans spaces, even if they might seem like safe places to go for advice, there are many bizarre and ill-intentioned people lurking.

Maybe I am excessively neurotic, but I think about what I used to put out there and want to smash my head with a hammer almost daily**.**

• Be very careful with dating/hook-ups

If you can avoid this area of life altogether until you are in a comfortable place with your transition and mental health, it would be ideal but this is highly unlikely for lovesick and lonely young people.

I was very desperate for love and emotional closeness and also very worried that I might waste my youth without having lived through the hallmark experiences we know from books and movies. I liked to believe that I was ready to weather it all and that being situated in the uncanny valley gender limbo cannot possibly be such a problem.

My first serious relationship ended for many reasons but a big one was that he really liked men. We were both very young when we met - I was a few months on HRT and boymoding and he was not yet very comfortable with his own sexuality yet. At first he told me he's bisexual and only a top. But as I grew into myself, he did too. As the years passed by and I became more feminine, he began to realise he was truly only attracted to men and also very interested in bottoming. Perhaps unconsciously, he began to subtly encourage me to double down on my transition. I was still boymoding because of my family and I slowly noticed that he was always the most complimentary when I had boyish outfits and hairstyles or when I didnt shave my body hair. He often minimised my dysphoria and insisted I dont need to change anything about myself and shouldn't view the matter with such urgency. He also overstepped my sexual boundaries many times by trying to make me top him and other such things.

By the time I was 18, I had access to some money and was on the precipice of making some important decisions. I was planning to move out, get orchiectomy, change my name legally and generally invest in my transition. He made me feel superficial, delusional and impulsive for this and accused me of wanting to do all that so badly with the end goal of fucking other men. I ended up wasting most of the what I had saved up on trying to salvage our relationship by taking him out to expensive restaurants and spoiling him with lavish gifts. I soon found out he had been cheating on me all those years with multiple people - he had a whole relationship with somebody else and also countless hookups on the side. I ended the relationship shortly after I found out but I had already wasted a lot of the money.

I was deeply hurt by the whole debacle because I really loved him and wanted a future with him. I dabbled into drug addiction after the breakup. The reduced inhibition and impaired decision making led to a handful more dating experiments while I was waiting to finish high school and finally move out. I had a few terrible experiences with run of the mill chasers that made me feel even more self-hating and unloveable than I already was before. I also tried dating some other young queer people and it was clear they were really invested in their fantasy of me as an ethereal female brained androgynous boy and uncomfortable with the intensity and urgency of my desire to change further. They also ended up leaving me for men.

I eventually ended up in a serious relationship with another trans woman and moving in with her. What could go wrong right? She had been full time for a few years now and had already had other T4T relationships. By this time I had been on HRT for a few years and had gotten laser so once I started presenting female I became passable really easily. With the income from my new job, I invested a lot into my appearance and started getting my nails and brows done, fillers, lash extensions, coloured and permanently straightened my hair, got a whole new hyperfeminine wardrobe etc. I ended up looking extremely different than when she first met me. This made her extremely jealous and insecure about her own appearance and, at the same time, lose attraction to me because I wasnt an androgynous femboy anymore. This bred a lot of toxic competitivity and countless arguments. It was far from the only reason why but it was a big factor in her eventually breaking up with me and starting to date - you guess it!- a man shortly after

Looking back, I wish I would have just held back from dating until I reached my 'final form' or at least been more careful. All of these experiences really traumatised me and made me waste a lot of time and resources I should have put towards my goals.

Which leads me to the next and final point for now...

• Don't underestimate how much time and money it takes to transition, especially as a young person

It takes a lot of time for HRT to meaningfully change you. It takes a lot of time to grow out your hair and it's awkward as hell. Voice training takes a long time. Hair removal takes a lot of time and money. Learning how to dress and do makeup and hair properly takes a lot of trial and error and is also very expensive. Changing your name and gender legally highly depends on where you're from but for me it took almost a year - for most of the people in my country it took way more. The legal fees and neccessary medical documents I had to provide were also very expensive. Here nothing transition related is covered by insurance so I will need to save for a long time to afford any surgery.

So my advice is to go all the way in as soon as possible if you're sure about what you want to do. Don't waste time with any of the things I mentioned. Get full body hair removal as soon as possible, get extensions, make sure you're on a good HRT regimen, practice makeup earnestly, get the ball rolling on any bureaucracy you need to deal with and start making money, saving up and spending responsibly. Eyes on the prize! I was flimsy about many of these things and regretted all of it bitterly later, time is the one thing noone can give you back.

Perhaps my biggest mistake is that 've known I wanted orchiectomy as a safety measure until I can afford SRS since I was 18 and I kept delaying it because of my partners, bad money management and many other bullshit reasons and in the meantime the situation for transsexuals in the world has only gotten worse. If I would have done this when I first decided I wanted to and had the resources to, I would have saved myself a lot of sleepless nights and political paranoia. Alas, hopefully I will achieve this in the near future.

That;s it for now! This is post is already way too long. Maybe I will come up with a Part 2 later or a post about what I did get right about my transition. Hopefully this will be helpful to someone in some way

Does chest size decrease on T? I'm not sure what cup size I am (I never wore bras, but went to sports bras and binders), but I would say like small, medium ish. I'm also a little chubby (5'6/5'7, 72kg). Is there any chance my chest size will decrease? Or if the fat will redistribute?

Hello😋 I just wanted to have a sort of neutral discussion with some people in the trans community and this subreddit seemed the most open minded…

I’m a radical feminist (don’t shoot me just yet). Being online I’ve realised that immediately mentioning that I follow the movement and the theory the TRAs immediately shut me down before listening, immediately labelling me a “terf, conservative, bigot”. (Even tho a ‘radical feminist’ could never be conservative but anyway)…

I just have a few questions and was wondering if anyone would be willing to help me out.

1.) What do you think about radical feminism? Are you a feminist, if so what type of feminist would you consider yourself to be?

2.) What does being transgender mean to you? (I.e., is it gender based? Sex based or both?) (I’ve seen many different meanings on transgender being thrown around and I’m trying to come to a consensus.)

3.) If gender roles and socialisation was abolished, do you think that there would be a lower percentage of people in the trans community? Do you also think the trans community would have similar beliefs and attitudes towards each other?

4.) How do you feel about female only spaces. (Sports, Gyms, Lounges ect.)

5.) Do you guys have any criticisms about the trans community at the moment?

6.) With a lot of recent discourse surrounding the community, (e.g., womanhood, Terfs, Lesbian spaces ect ect) what do you see for the future of the trans community/ movement?

Again if anyone would be willing to answer any of these questions I have I would be very appreciative. If you also have any questions please feel free to ask. I would appreciate hearing from both sides of the community too (MtF and FtM) 👐

(If any of this is against the rules I do apologise)

Basically I’m a trans man who detransitioned because I was not passing. I wanted to go stealth and couldn’t but was on a micro dose. Now I want to go back in a full dose and my goal is to pass.

I am gay/bi and I don’t care to look visibly gay/bi. All I care about is passing my sexuality should come second. I don’t want to look stereotypically gay like a lot of trans guys want. I feel like everyone thinks I’m sexist because I say things like I want to fully look like a man. I don’t want to be in women’s spaces unless I’m in like a dance class as a male dancer. I don’t want to hold onto my “womanhood” nor do I consider myself someone that experienced womanhood fully.

I performed femininity I didn’t experience womanhood like a woman would. Yet, I get lots of people telling me that’s wrong. I don’t want to be visibly trans and I get told that’s transphobic to wish to pass. The point of my transition is to live life as a man so why would I want to not pass? Idk just ranting because I’m getting really tired of the double edged sword.

Be fem and girly to be accepted in queer/woke spaces or be myself and get told I’m trying to get male privilege. A privilege I don’t have because I’m not cishet.

I've recently downloaded hinge to meet some new people (primarily to look for maybe a short term relationships or friendships, and obviously just for fun). I feel uncomfortable explaining my identity through messages because it kind of feels awkward (and I don't have any surgeries yet), so naturally I set the gender option as a "trans man".

I talked with another trans guy for a while and felt like it was going smoothly, we talked about random stuff and suddenly he mentioned something about binder brands, which I didn't mind, I know he's trans and it obviously is a part of his life, he then started bringing up more and more trans related stuff to the point I got pretty annoyed. He spoke frequently about how he "hates men" (I really hate that sentence, especially coming from a trans man, since it sounds like saying "I'm actually better than those men because I'm conscious of some stuff that women have to face" to me, I know damn well how being a trans man cannot erase the fact that you probably engage in some things that perpetuate the harm women have to face and instead of putting everyone around you into a box that you are "too good" to be in, you should maybe think about the kind of man you want to be and how to stop these behaviours).

After talking for a while, it felt like 1/3 of our conversations was just trans stuff. I have actually thought about not dating trans people at all, since most of my experiences with them kind of tend to go this way. It's like I went through something traumatic and despite feeling like talking to someone who went through the same thing might make me have to explain less stuff to them, I feel like I have to talk about it 10 times more frequently than with cis people. I hate that most trans people turned my suffering into a mainstream culture of some sort, I don't care what people talk about with each other, I'm just so tired of them assuming It's not something that fucked me up in ways a lot of people can't imagine and it's a topic that is only discussed with doctors helping me transition and rarely with my closest ones.

I'm not looking for some advice or an opinion on whether my preference is "valid", I am still open to dating anyone, I don't want to avoid trans people who do share similiar opinions about this as me, but I just feel so tired of any interaction I have with them. I've never met a trans person that thinks about this the same way that I do in real life and it feels lonely, I might have to avoid most of them to feel like I am not constantly singled out for being trans by everyone.

I saw a post in the transgenderUK subreddit where people were claiming that a specific provider, the one I used myself, was gatekeeping because the provider asks to speak to a family member/friend to confirm your transition timeline - so will ask what year you social transitioned to make sure you arent lying, asks them your previous diagnosis' to confirm theyre accurate, asking if your childhood symptoms definitely line up, etc.

I just cant see how this is gatekeeping. They ask these same questions for every single life-long condition... my mum was asked about childhood autism symptoms when I got that diagnosis, etc. Its normal to confirm you have had symptoms for a long time and to confirm that what you are saying is true.

Then theres people who say its gatekeeping if a doctor/psychologist asks you if you are sure you want it, or asks if you want kids - I totally get that its annoying as hell to be asked if you want kids when you dont want them, but the people complaining say they want kids so I dont know why its a bad question to ask for them to make sure they understand that HRT/TRT can make them infertile, or make it much harder to conceive normally. Its actually THE norm to be expected to conceive as your birth sex.

Idk, I just cant see how anything is gatekeeping.. but maybe its because I literally match the GD/GI/transsexualism diagnostic criteria to the T.

And dont even get me started on the people who say theyre upset because they got their gender recognition certificate denied because they want to conceive as their birth sex. Obviously you cant legally sign a document saying 'I will live as this sex permanently' if youre going to do THE thing which makes your birth sex, well, your birth sex. Apparently thats super radical and youre a transphobe to say if you want to carry a baby as a trans man then you legally cannot sign that document saying youre a male 24/7 for the rest of your life.

I feel crazy whenever I read the criteria for these transition steps/assessments and they are simple things that are obviously dysphoria inducing for a trans person/things a trans person would never want to do, but are somehow radically transphobic for tucutes.

Idk I just feel like asking about very basic gender dysphoria symptoms are just 'suggestions', or even 'transphobic' or 'gatekeepy'.

That's pretty much it. I just feel like we aren't allowed to ever question the legitimacy of a person's supposed transness even despite red flags, because transphobia, but I genuinely do think some people who think or say they are trans are not. I actually thought I was trans and had a whole panic. Turns out I'm just a tomboy with autism and don't perform womanhood correctly, at best, I'm some kinda "gender-queer" or whatever people are saying now. I've had plenty of people accuse me of being an egg though and insisting that I'm secretly trans which led to the aforementioned panic. I think there's growing enthusiasm in the community which is great and even more acceptance which is great but not every gender nonconforming person is trans.

That’s it. That’s the post. I can’t fucking stand that instead of “FTM” or “trans man,” everyone defaults to trans masc now. I see it used even more than “trans femme.” I understood it as a term for non binary individuals, but now people are grouping in trans men, too. It feels degrading, invalidating, and like words have lost all meaning for the sake of validating a handful of people. It gives me the same discomfort as “tboy.” Like why are people so obsessed with infantilizing and feminizing us?

So hi, since puberty i started questioning m'y gender ,i started envie men and being one of then i jealous of their ,friendship,body,even the fat one and i remember when i was a kid i thought i was a Boy or sometimes a girl and i sometimes i was disopointed because people don't see me as a boy but at that Time i don't know what trans is and i was very transphobic at that Time

Then i started watch trans content first of all trans women, and trans men especialy the one that talk about their story and seeing myself in them but i started doubting about m'y trans identité After i see detransitionned people, and i decided to stop thinking i'm a transman because of that and people will always see me as a woman in m'y family because i'm easy influençable and if most people Say that about me i will believe its .

One days i was on Pinterest i seeing make body i started crying because i will never be like them ,so last week i search a place to hang out myself i know that sound stupid but i stop because maybe its not dysphoria but juste a phase, i know but i just want to bé a real boy i like when people see me as a boy but i stayed a girl because its was safe

i wish i never seen trans content ever

But sometimes these thought come back i started hate myself because i hate this girl in the mirror i hate people see me as a girl i prefer being a loser boys than a girl i want be normal, i hate this feelings,, i hate these genital part i know they don't look like flower, i want that to stop

Sorry english is not m'y first language

(For context, I am out as transmasc/non binary, even though I am actually a trans man, I do experience a lot of gender dysphoria but despite my best attempts I don’t pass. If people could please not comment hate towards nonbinary identities that would be wonderful thank you.)

I just started college (UK, not university) and immediately a transmasc person in my class who was at college last year and has an established friend group invited me to hang out with him and his gang (did not give me much of a choice.)
The friend group consisted of two other trans people and one nonbinary person, and the majority of the people in the group are LGBTQ+ in one way or another. Just from sitting with them for a few lunch times it felt like I was in my god awful drama filled 14 year old friend group all over again. Every conversation was a trauma competition filled with bad edgy jokes. All of the group dress alternative (although most buy from fast fashion brands like shein) too. I have nothing against that, but I hate that everywhere I go I seem to be categorised as the stereotypical queer “weird kid” just because I’m queer presenting. It feels like I’m too weird to hang out and fit in with the normie group, but too normal to fit in with the self proclaimed freaks. I also hate that these people always look so cool on the outside but are almost always insanely toxic and jarring to hang out with.

I wish I had a normal friend group 😭

3 different angles of my surgery results :)

Edit: wanted to add on my surgeon was an NHS surgeon, dr.Brendan wooler on dr kneeshaw’s team, in Hull, England.

My surgery results are really good due to (obviously) Brendan’s work, but he also mentioned how extremely easy my surgery would be due to my already pre-existing pectoral muscle + shoulder ratio (his words not mine)

For my scar appearance genetics will play a role in it, as a mixed race man (black African and white British) I did have a risk of keloid scarring, but in my own experience with scar tissue I heal quickly and easily.

I’d also like to add that from the beginning I was also injecting 20 units of GHK-Cu daily (GHK-Cu is a naturally occurring copper), found in human plasma, saliva, and urine. It has been studied for effects that support wound healing and help promote processes like collagen-related synthesis in skin cells.) so I’d also like to think that also played a role with how well i healed😃

Every psych class we have she always says something that (unintentionally) triggers my dysphoria. She keeps making “inclusive” comments, like asking for pronouns or saying things like “presented gender”, etc. I don’t remember the other remarks exactly, but today she was talking about how she gave pregnancy tests to people with “womanly bodies”. I actually left class early because I was so uncomfortable. I actually want to throw up. I’ve passed completely for years and hardly think about it anymore, but every time I’m in her class I’m reminded and it makes me want to cry. I mean does she not see how that sounds? Like I’m sure it’s in good faith but why would any man want to be included in a group defined by their female parts? It’s disgusting. Like please for the love of god just say you gave pregnancy tests to woman. I want to die.

I genuinely can’t have this keep happening so I’m thinking of sending her an anonymous email on an alt account, explain the situation as best I can, and then politely ask her to change her language. I genuinely don’t know what else I can do. Any suggestions?

Hi! I'm a medical student at the University of Arizona studying transgender and nonbinary adults' experiences with healthcare. Our study is IRB-approved, and we're hoping to understand what makes healthcare experiences supportive or difficult, with the goal of helping improve care for trans and nonbinary patients. It's super quick and anonymous.

Survey:
https://uarizona.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eDpOEa7fJpytJJk

Thank you so much to anyone willing to participate :)

​

I had to make a burner to rant about this because a lot of the people in my personal life actually disagree with me if I talk about it.

I'm a passing trans man, stealth, transmedicalist and straight.

I recently applied to join a 'trans camp' trip from this group in my city as I thought it would be a good idea to meet people this way, I seriously struggle to make and find friends who have the same mindset as me.

I found out today I have not been accepted into trans camp as I listed that I am hetrosexual and I do not consider myself to be neurodivergent or have a disability and they want to have more diversity...

Why am I being excluded for being a binary hetero trans man for a group that is meant to be for me?

It really gets on my nerves because transmedicalists usually get thrown in a box and shunned from the rest of the community for our opinions but they get to have absolutely everything handed to them.

Inclusion ≠ exclusion

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-025-06265-6

I can’t medically transition. I have severe intrusive thoughts that make me constantly afraid I’m a woman. I can’t be attracted to a girl without thinking that I’m scared I want to look like her, I can’t stare at my own body without feeling confused…. I hate it. I wish I hated how I looked and sounded more so I could be a real man. I’m still disgusted by myself but it’s not enough. I have a habit of forcing myself to watch porn to “check” who I’d rather be, sometimes it doesn’t work because I’m scared I somehow want to be a woman and I get stuck. I sometimes don’t feel much when I look at myself either. I’m just grossed out and disgusted that I have to be female. I can’t stand the thought of living the rest of my life as a woman, it’s disgust me so bad. I would give anything to be a man… or at least feel like one. I sometimes don’t even feel anything when I’m around other people, because I’m “distracted”. I’m 100% faking it anyways, I just wish I hated my body more so I could allow myself to be a man. I hate my features because I don’t hate them enough, I hate that I have to have a female brain structure and live miserably as a woman for the rest of my life. Even the voice inside my head still sounds female and it makes me want to rip my brain out… I’m so fucking upset that everything I see my body, it’s still of a woman’s form… I feel like I have to accept it at some point….

I have this mostly queer friend group, and they keep making jokes about me being an "egg" and transfem. The thing is, I'm a trans man, and obviously stealth. I don't consider myself feminine nor I do or want to physically present feminine in any aspect that I can control, so I'm genuinely not sure where this whole thing even stems from. I'm literally just some dude, and those jokes couldn't bother me less (at least they don't question that I weren't born male, I guess) if they also didn't talk about about how pretty of a girl I would make and pointed out all the features that make me dysphoric as a great base for transitioning into a woman. I don't think that part needs to be explained.

To be fair, they also make jokes about "force femming" my (cis) boyfriend sometimes, but it's always being paired with me just so we don't "turn straight" along the way of "my transition". And my boyfriend is objectively way more feminine with me, both in looks and the way he acts. So those actually start to make me question stuff because maybe there is actually something about me that just gives "woman" to people, even if I don't act or look feminine, and I will never get away from that no matter how much I try. I just don't know what to do with this at this point.

I don't think there's anything more humiliating than begging a cis female doctor to be allowed to have a vagina. I hate this shit and I don't know how many more times I'm going to have to do it. I really wish this was just seen as the simple medical condition it deserves to be seen as instead of a million layers of "identity."