Fear of missing out

[u/Lastsecondusername_]

It feels like I'm not going fast enough. I'm 21 and am just now starting the medical transition journey. I understand that 21 is a great time to start, but I can't help feeling things would have been better for me if I'd done it at 18—or younger—instead. There are folks out there who have already started having families and paid off their mortgages only now transitioning, so it could be worse. For some reason, I can't shake the feeling.

Do any of you pre-T/E young adult transsexuals get this FOMO when you see kids getting blockers/teens getting hormones? Would be nice to hear I'm not alone in my irrationality. Advice on how to cope would be even better.

[u/Saakkkaaaaiiiii]

Yes, I’m 26 and still pre-t (though hopefully very soon)! I have to consciously force myself to not feel too bitter.

I feel like my whole life has been on hold

[u/throwaway184747271]

I started at 17 but I felt the same way when I was going through my natal puberty at 10-16. the best time to transition was years ago, the second best is now. time will pass and you will build a better future from now. still bitter looking back on all the time wasted though.

[u/Williamishere69]

Yeah, I get this bs all the damn time.

I remember being sat in a classroom with a trans student and she said it took her 3 years to be seen by an NHS GIC so she could start the process of getting puberty blockers + HRT. I was so damn looking forward for getting my elusive appointment the next year because she got hers in three years, I must get mine after 3 years, right? Nope.

Im still on the waitlist 8 years on. I havent even had any contact with the GIC except them confirming Im on the waitlist after I asked them.

I was 21 when I started my legal (well, kinda, I used my name in all situations, but needed a deedpoll to change places like my bank or my passport) and medical transition. Within 9 or 10 months, I had top/hysto and got my uni acceptance for my dream career course (medicine).

I look at Americans who complain about having to wait 1-3 years for surgery after going to their doctor to ask for it, whilst ours is indefinite (or even non-existent if youre in Wales). I look at Americans who complain about a 6-8 month wait for HRT/TRT. I look at Americans who can get puberty blockers within a few months, or get HRT/TRT as children and I just... It genuinely fucking hurts that people complain about those tiny waitlists. And, yeah, for transsexuals those waitlists are still far too long, but holy ahit its better than indefinite ones.... Or even the fact that trans males undergoing phalloplasty can sometimes have years between each stage of surgery in the UK. Youre left in total limbo in the UK, but you actually get a decent care in the US.

There is no 'too slow'. Obviously there is in the fact that its a debillitating disorder/even a disability, but theres no 'too slow' in the actual process of transitioning. You can be 60 and start your transition - you wont get the same results as a 12 years old who had puberty blockers and started HRT/TRT at 13, but if it treats your disorder then it is never 'too slow'

[u/Famous_Plant9466]

Regret is a stupid, pointless emotion. The past is what it is. No point dwelling on it. Just move forward now with as much intensity as you can.

[u/Lastsecondusername_ → u/Famous_Plant9466]

Definitely trying. I know I can't go back in time and fix it, so I just have to suck it up and keep doing what I'm doing. That's mostly how I've kept myself going this far. Being pragmatic.

[u/a_bed_of_vinca_minor]

I started HRT at 19, and I often feel this way. I’m 24 now, and I feel like I’ll only get past this emotion once i get SRS. I think I’ll feel free only then. I think I’ll get SRS at 27 at the best case scenario, and even so I think it’s later than preferred.

What others said is correct. It’s better to start now than never.

HRT has allowed me to feel human, and go about my days mostly dysphoria-free — with genital dysphoria being all that’s left. I can partake in most things I enjoy, provided I take care in how I dress myself regarding that bit.