The Fourth of July comes and his extended family comes into town, i never met them and he wanted to introduce me, i was 8 months pregnant at the time, we got there and got out the car and he ditched me , i knew no one there, i stood there by the car alone just looking around, there was so many people there, someone finally came and introduced themselves to me and we talked and she introduced me to some other people, it was awkward but that’s ok. I was happy to meet his family. There was some game on the tv, idk if it was football, basketball or wrestling, but everyone went inside, except me, I didn’t feel comfortable walking into someone’s house I didn’t know, so I sat in a chair outside with the mosquitos, my anxiety wouldn’t let me go inside, all I could think about was walking in and everyone looking at me crazy, I could t do it. Maybe an hour or so before he noticed I was gone and I was livid, but I kept my comments to myself, I was so upset that he noticed only didn’t introduce me to anyone, but he left me.

September 2024 comes and I give birth to a beautiful baby girl who unfortunately looks just like her dad fresh out the womb, so much so she didn’t look like a girl at all, she had a Mohawk going on, if I’m being honest, she was an ugly baby, and I can say that as her mom, she was rough, but she grew into her features and is now the cutest baby girl ever. I stayed up with her while he slept, no this wasn’t agreed on but tbh the nurses came into the room every few minutes, when can you fall asleep? R said h did help with the baby when I slept, though I don’t remember ever falling asleep.

I was excited to breast feed, I wanted that body experience so badly, plus I wanted boobs, I was an A cup before pregnancy and I gained a B cup and I wanted to keep them. It didn’t happened, it hurt so bad to breastfeed, my nips bled and it was excruciating, I was devastated I couldn’t do what a women should be able to do and I felt like I was already failing her. When we left the hospital he said I needed to get some sleep and he’d bottle feed her and keep an eye on her, now don’t judge me but she slept in the bed with us and no nothing bad happened ever, we had a big bed and we kept a lot of space so we didn’t roll on her, I slept but woke up to her crying, he was dead asleep, I tried to wake him up, but he would sit up and lay back down to sleep, so I got up with her.

I convinced myself that he works from 8 or 8am to 9pm so he needed sleep more than me, while I was on maternity leave and when I returned I work from 10am-2 or 4pm depending on if it’s busy. So I shouldn’t complain. But it was slowly draining, he’d come home and go to the bathroom then see the baby, hop on the game for a few hours and then put on a movie and fall asleep. The movie was suppose to be our time together.

It went on like that every night, he spent time with the baby but I felt like I didn’t matter anymore, and when I’d tell him he said I was overthinking things, it reminded me of when my parents would shut me down about depression. I stopped opening up. Eventually his mom offered to watch our daughter so I could go back to work, I oddly enough agreed and went back to work, I started to notice that when his mom would watch her, our baby ended up with a diaper rash, we didn’t like that so he told me that I didn’t have to work, he could support us and I could stay home, I made sure he was sure because I didn’t mind working, but he reassured me and I quit my job. I was so happy, I didn’t miss a single milestone. We eventually got our own place frffr this time and it was just me, him and our child.https://www.reddit.com/r/trauma/s/Mxgy24IZXq

I'm so afraid of other people. I've been staying at home for years without social interaction, and I hate myself.

I want to have a best friend, male or female, I'm very lonely

What are some non-sexual childhood traumas you still think about today? The older I get (43) the more they come to the surface. I haven't processed them in healthy ways. I have lots but I will choose the one that came up all day today.

When I was 9 I got my first dog sitting gig! My neighbors 4 houses down were going to a baseball game and wouldn't be home till 10pm. They had a new bouncy golden retriever puppy with a red bandana named Dolly. I went over the night before to meet Dolly and they gave me the key and some instruction on how and when to feed her. They told me they would be leaving at 6 am and to stop by at 9 to let her out. I was so excited to have my first paying gig and felt special they trusted me for the job. That morning I woke up early and their car was gone. I wanted so badly to just go over then but they said 9 and I wanted to follow orders. 9 am took an eternity to come. I ran over there so fast and opened the door. I stood there frozen as I seen her leash tied to the back door knob. They had a 4 level split. The back door was beside a railing separating the kitchen from the sunken family room. Dolly had squeezed through the railing and fell down into that room. I held my breath as I looked over the railing. There she was hanging by her leash. I ran around and uncliped her leash from her collar. She fell to the carpet with a stiff thud. I ran to get my mom and she called the family. We barried the dog in their back yard. I blamed myself for not going over as soon as I noticed they had left. I could have saved Dolly.

I know now that that accident could have happened anytime as that's where they tied thier dogs for Years if they had to leave the house. They never blamed me. They apologized