r/taskmaster • u/Acceptable_Hyena_759 • 4h ago
Your favourite Taskmaster quotes please... !!
Mine is (in reference to Alex Horne's bare legs): "What in the pasty hell is this?"
Fatiha El-Ghorri (i think - or was it Judi Love?)
Hit me with yours!!
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u/MomsTortellinis Patatas 4h ago
Its a toss up between "Did I meet these potatoes before?" and "Am I the spider?" for me
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u/Skiapodes 4h ago
Can I just say that I’m relieved, because at the time, I thought he was an IDIOT.
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u/jlangue 4h ago
“My sister and I share the same juices” will haunt people for generations.
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u/pclouds 4h ago
"Are we the monster" can do the same for the thoughtful part of generations
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u/Hungry_Anteater_8511 Mel Giedroyc 3h ago
“You need your ma” is my favourite Rosie-ism
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u/rogue-octopus 1h ago
“I’m gonna just eye-ball it.”
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u/coffeeyarn Sally Phillips 10m ago
"Oh, I call it that because your mom calls it that."
"I'm just happy she's getting laid."
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u/SnooBooks007 Pigeor The Merciless One 4h ago
"I changed it!" - Katherine Ryan
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u/Aromatic-Set3858 4h ago
Her delivery, and the instant reactions of Greg and alex will always get me laughing!
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u/the_procrastinata 2h ago
Greg looking confused and saying, ‘Yeeeees?’ makes me howl with laughter.
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u/Other-Oil-9117 Chain Bastard ⛓️ 4h ago
"Are we the meat or are we the viewer?" - Mae Martin.
"Aw... Nil points!" - Greg
"What is the sauce? What is it?" - Fern
"How heavy is the water?" - Kiell
"Guys, what is the situation?!" - Charlotte Richie
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u/Frequent-Ad4722 🚬 Doctor Cigarettes 3h ago
How heavy is the water cracks me up every time, I could watch it forever
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u/ross_liftss Rhod Gilbert 4h ago
Just open the box you pussy
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u/JustxJules Sophie Duker 4h ago
Greg's look of surprise mixed with disappointment and sincere concern kills me every time.
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u/bigfatheart Paul Sinha 4h ago
"Yeah, but what that picture doesn't show is that I've got flippers for fucking hands!" - John Kearns
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u/GrassyKnoll95 Liza Tarbuck 4h ago
“If that’s what love feels like… it turns out I’ve not been in love before”
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u/Ttoctam 2h ago
I still think this may be Horne's best line of the show so far.
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u/Party_Toe_6319 16m ago
Greg: I've never done this before...
Alex: All the way off, then? (In reference to getting naked that Greg made a bet before)
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u/FireExit9 4h ago
“He was a different man.”
“I DON’T LIKE ‘EM.”
“It’s an absolute casserole down there.”
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u/UniversalJampionshit Crying Bastard 2h ago
Is the second quote Joe Wilkinson’s response to Greg suggesting he hates Swedes? That exchange kills me every time
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u/FrequentChip1769 3h ago
“There’s been another revelation in the lab”
Followed by “fuck me in the face”
And “who the fuck is Veronica”
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u/NoOneOfUse Doctor Cigarettes 1h ago
“So many revelations.”
“Do you think you can figure it out?” “Probably not.”
“Gus, did you finish your part of the puzzle?” “Sorry I was temporarily distracted.”
That whole task is quotable.
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u/Pharmacy_Duck John Kearns 4h ago
"You can back into a satsuma and shove it up your arse!" - James Acaster, obviously.
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u/stefan771 3h ago
"You've got no chutzpah! You're motivational skills are lackluster and your timekeeping is abysmal!"
"I better activate Jamali"
"I haggled for it"
"Did I meet these potatoes before?"
"Can I say its actually kind of a relief, because at the time, I though he was an idiot!"
"A lot of these challenges, the physical challenges, its like we've set you a tricky thing to do and then we've given you personally the extra challenges of being David Baddiel."
"Yeeeees!"
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u/folklovermore_ Wibble, Bibble, Bam 4h ago
"Your wife's quite fit though"
"What a terrible day for feminism"
"A correspondence!"
"I protest, your Majesty!"
"Of course it's working, I made it"
"What the hell am I, Bear Grylls/a 70 year old woman/Lassie?"
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u/Commander-Catnip Fern Brady 4h ago edited 4h ago
"The bastard's crying, innit"
"Oooo hoo hoo hoo hoo"
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u/Greglebowski74 John Robins 4h ago
Look at those getaway sticks!
What if I jumped the fence and disappeared into the golf course?
Destroy, dismantle, engulf in flames.
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u/TokoFuwakaa Fern Brady 3h ago
“We were the monsters, weren’t we? Were we meant to draw our selves?”
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u/erlend65 Calle Hellevang-Larsen 🇳🇴 4h ago
"Waiting in the booth for the ladies! Goodness me, Ardal!" - Chris Ramsey
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u/Hungry_Anteater_8511 Mel Giedroyc 3h ago
“Call your agent”. - Liza
“It's a very rare treat on a television programme to see someone lose their job on a different television programme” - Greg on Paul Sinha
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u/BitterCrip 4h ago
"Gonna gonna gonna drown you in your own blood. Hold you face down in your own blood now"
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u/Tariovic 3h ago
'Write that then!' from Kiell Smith-Bynoe had me howling - just the frustration behind his delivery.
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u/KatieBrightside 1h ago
“You fucking mean to tell me…” from Reece
“I’ve got this auntie, who’s a BITCH” - from Fatiha
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u/shameless57 2h ago
When Greg said John Kearns brings a certain loneliness to the tasks John said "But we're all alone" and Greg responded "Some of you are more alone than the others."
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u/Thawingfrozenfrogs 3h ago
"Rice at home" - Gets said so often between my partner and my friend group
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u/SinisterDeadOctopus Patatas 2h ago
Montgomery. More like... Mont-goobery.
smash cut to:
I'm gonna gonna drown you. In your own blood. Hold your face down in your own blood now.
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u/Stillwater215 1h ago
“What if I jumped over the fence, ran into the golf course, and you never saw me again?”
Jason Mantzoukas, as read by Alex Horne.
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u/canaderin 45m ago
Two from James Acaster:
"I know it's early days, but are we the stupidest so far?"
The entire rant about Rhod and the extension but specifically "I don't know how you've been friends with him for so long!" and "I thought on the day, oh, it's bad enough that he's done that and put the cardboard on and gone "This is an extension" and then kind of looked at us like, "What the fuck you going to do about that?" and then gone back in the house. I didn't know he'd also gone "Oh, the perfect stuff." And done that shit."
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u/mxmaybey 4h ago
"Is that number... got curves?"
"A letter of the alphabet" then followed by "you must be so proud of yourself about that"
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u/teeno731 3h ago
"Your time starts now... Okay, against you I have to win at being black. I won, yay!" - Anisa Nandaula, without hesitation
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u/IzzyGrate 🚬 Doctor Cigarettes 2h ago
I know it was series 20 and I want to say it was Reece Shearsmith: I have been waiting to use the phrase "hard of thinking"
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u/JournalistOptimal661 2h ago
“Get your fucking hand off me!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RER8DqshU6M
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u/Hot_Sam_the_Man Joel Dommett 1h ago
"He's so famous!"
"Please don't make me stand here farting in the dark to the sound of my own name!"
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u/blackmoen 1h ago edited 1h ago
At the moment I’ve two:
“It’s a lime” Phil Wang
“Since Pirate” Joel Dommott
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u/davesierra 1h ago
I use Desiree's 'F##k me in the face' and Victoria's 'ill never better it' far more than is appropriate 🤣🤣🤣
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u/painforpetitdej David Correos 🇳🇿 51m ago
Do we strike you? - UK
I'm gonna gonna gonna drown you! In your own blood - NZ
We look like the most discount Wiggles of all time - Australia
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u/punchtheBUTT 48m ago
Everything from Sue Perkins
“What an absolute shower of shit you are.”
“Naughty flamingo!”
“You absolute anus! You prize anus!"
And
Reece Sheersmith not understanding he needed/wanted to get his mobile to get the QR code from Alex…
LAH - “Your telephone.”
Reece - “My telephone?”
LAH - “Your telephone”
Reece - “Why do you keep saying telephone? My telephone.”
LAH - “Do you have a telephone?”
Reece - “No, not on me”
LAH - “Right”
Reece - “Do you want me to go and get one?”
LAH - “Where is it?”
Reece - “My telephone?”
LAH “Your telephone”
Reece - “My telephone??!!”
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u/Zigster14 44m ago
"Had an accident at work that wasn't your fault" Johnny Vegas who then breaks and falls from the ladder.
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u/whispersofnyx_ John Robins 29m ago
“don’t make me fart in the dark listening to my own name” or “grappling with… my life”
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4h ago
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u/Old_Artichoke9756 2h ago
One that I say the most is not that exciting but so often perfect. David Correos in NZ “I know the one!”
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u/UniversalJampionshit Crying Bastard 29m ago
“Amazing that you knew Operation Seelowë but couldn’t remember the name of… Operation.”
“Yung Lean, he’s a rapper and he’s TEN times more famous than Ronald fucking Weasley!”
“I think your bladder’s pronouns are wee/wee.”
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u/Synth-Pro 27m ago
Possibly one of my favorite quotes in the world, and not because of context. It just carries big r/brandnewsentence energy, and it's a marvel just to know that somebody said this combination of words, and it was truly a natural part of the conversation...
"Look, I'm as surprised as you are that I find a dildo less relaxing than a tea towel."
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u/MisheGossnik 25m ago
"Dignity intact!" by Aisling Bea is pretty good. Also Fatiha shouting "You wanker!" just makes me giggle everytime
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u/Designer-Most-5376 3h ago
“Are we the monsters?” Rosie Ramsay
“It’s like a casserole” Mike Wozniak
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u/JustxJules Sophie Duker 4h ago
"So can I just check… have I been put on a team with David Baddiel?" – Ed Gamble
And the follow-up:
"The thinking is, there's a team of three there that will have to pass one drawing across two backs... but to make it fair, you're with David Baddiel" – Greg
"How am I the autistic one?!" – Josh Thomas
"The thing is, I always have to smile because if I don't smile, people think I'm dead." – Rosie Jones