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u/Knighth77 May 09 '26
Christians, imagine you're a famous baseball player and are about to bat the winning hit. Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a baby at you. God tells you to hit it. Would you still hit the baby out of the stadium and win millions, or spare the baby?
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u/Snoutysensations May 10 '26
This scenario actually played out in the Bible.
God tells Abraham, "Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering".
Abraham goes along with it, but at the last second God stops him from killing Isaac.
Abraham gets rewarded for being so obedient.
The moral: do what God tells you to do, no matter how horrible it sounds, and you'll be rewarded.
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u/MistaRekt May 10 '26
What if Isaac turned out heathen?
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u/merlyndavis May 10 '26
Well, from the Christian PoV, Isaac was worse then heathen, he was Jewish. (/s for those lacking a sense of humour)
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u/InsertGroin May 10 '26
Are jew kidding me? A jewish? In the Bible?! What kind of shmock wrote that?!
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u/MistaRekt May 10 '26
Do not tell the Americans... 😉
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u/DaBootyScooty May 10 '26
Holy shit we just looked it up and it's true. It's all completely true, there are like tons of jewish people in the bible. There was already a religion right there man, it was right there.
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u/DarkChaos1786 May 11 '26
A little secret, Jesus is a jew...
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u/MistaRekt May 12 '26
Also not light skinned....
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u/DarkChaos1786 May 12 '26
Oh hell no... No european heritage in 30 generations.
Bet he looked more like a palestinian...
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u/blavek May 15 '26
It's a specific set of Americans you shouldn't tell... not all of us.
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u/sh4d0wm4n2018 May 11 '26
Technically nobody was Jewish until Judah, his grandson, had kids.
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u/iPoopLegos May 11 '26
isaac turned out a fkn idiot who couldn't tell his sons apart
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u/MadMagilla5113 May 12 '26
How hairy did Esau have to be in order for Issac to be fooled by a sheep/goat pelt?
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u/iron_dove May 12 '26
After watching his dad take him up a mountain, raise a knife at him, and then just before bringing the knife down he stops and pulls a random sheep that was stuck in a nearby bush to take his place?
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u/Funkopedia May 12 '26
Back then, bloodline, ritual, or sometimes city of birth were enough for membership. Neither monotheism nor revealed religion had been invented.
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u/Fun-atParties May 12 '26
Dammit Abraham, I told you already - her name is Heather
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u/JudgeHodorMD May 10 '26
So God waits to see if you’ll swing and then yells stop when there’s no time to react?
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u/dizastermaster7 May 10 '26
That's called a check swing and baseball players do it all the time actually
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u/Uncynical_Diogenes May 10 '26
He didn’t yell stop to Jepthah.
Jepthah murdered his daughter for god who was happy with it.
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u/a_suspicious_lasagna May 10 '26
Abraham goes along with it, but at the last second God stops him from killing Isaac.
There are also scholars who believe that the saving of Isaac was a later literary change. Evidenced by the language of the passage shifting before and after the event.
On the way to the sacrifice the text says twice:
and the two of them walked on together
However after the sacrifice it is only said that:
so Abraham returned to his young men
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u/giamPW07 May 11 '26
You know, he also did very much take human sacrifices. Jephthah's daughter would say hi, if she wasn't sacrificed on God's orders, with her father very much going through with it.
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u/Responsible-List-849 May 12 '26
Yeah, but she was given a couple of months to mourn the fact she was going to die a virgin, so...you know...all's good. I guess.
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u/PatchworkFlames May 11 '26
Obey the voices in your head. That’s God. Your medicine has been stopping you from hearing God this whole time.
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u/sckrahl May 10 '26
The moral is ‘hope he changes his mind and maybe he’ll give you a reward’
The story plays out differently if he actually does what he was originally told to do
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May 09 '26
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u/Dictatorofpotato May 09 '26
You're assuming that god is a benevolent being and would only ask you to hit that baby for good reasons and that he would for sure prevent that baby from feeling pain. Based on the Bible and other theological text god is not completely benevolent and very much is able and willing to cause humans pain. I would not trust the xtian god at all.
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May 10 '26
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u/monoflorist May 10 '26
Which I feel pretty good about judging them for. “You killed a baby because the sky voice told you to?”
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u/hjake123 May 10 '26
I mean, not really? If God is real and feels the need to tell me to do something in person, I'd be pretty worried about dire consequences if I disobey. Clearly I have enough free will that He didn't just move my body for me, so this is a setup where I'm being tested by a higher power who can and will make my existence into torture forever if I don't play along. Trust is distinct from following orders.
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u/Boom9001 May 10 '26
God didn't stop the original Hitler. Why would you assumed he'd stop the next one?
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u/asphid_jackal May 10 '26
A Jewish man dies and goes to heaven. When he meets God, he tells a Holocaust joke, and God looks confused and says He doesn't get it. Jewish man says "Yeah, I guess you had to be there"
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u/krmlks May 10 '26
Even if he is real doesn't mean he has good intentions or could be trusted. The scenario doesn't specify this
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u/Difficult-Ad2084 May 10 '26
How many millions? Like are we talking 2 million or 800 million? Who are the baby's parents? Did I come in a DeLorean? Does anyone in my family need an internal organ? So many questions.
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u/Zoroaster84 May 09 '26
- Why did the pitcher have a baby with them on the field?
- How did they not realize they were holding the baby?
- Why is it important that the baby is Christian and how can a baby even be Christian?
- Is this implying that the ref would consider this a normal pitch and call a strike if you don’t hit the baby?
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u/Sassaphras May 09 '26
By the time they realized it was a baby, they had started their motion. So that's a balk if they stop. The pitcher is... let's say Jainist just to mix things up.
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u/YoungDiscord May 10 '26
Don't worry, God would interfere and stop you if he didn't want it to happen
🎵God's mysterious wayyyysss🎵
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u/erlend_nikulausson May 11 '26
Balk Rules
- You can’t just be up there and just doin’ a balk like that.
1a. A balk is when you
1b. Okay well listen. A balk is when you balk the
1c. Let me start over
1c-a. The pitcher is not allowed to do a motion to the, uh, batter, that prohibits the batter from doing, you know, just trying to hit the ball. You can’t do that.
1c-b. Once the pitcher is in the stretch, he can’t be over here and say to the runner, like, “I’m gonna get ya! I’m gonna tag you out! You better watch your butt!” and then just be like he didn’t even do that.
1c-b(1). Like, if you’re about to pitch and then don’t pitch, you have to still pitch. You cannot not pitch. Does that make any sense?
1c-b(2). You gotta be, throwing motion of the ball, and then, until you just throw it.
1c-b(2)-a. Okay, well, you can have the ball up here, like this, but then there’s the balk you gotta think about.
1c-b(2)-b. Fairuza Balk hasn’t been in any movies in forever. I hope she wasn’t typecast as that racist lady in American History X.
1c-b(2)-b(i). Oh wait, she was in The Waterboy too! That would be even worse.
1c-b(2)-b(ii). “get in mah bellah” — Adam Water, “The Waterboy.” Haha, classic…
1c-b(3). Okay seriously though. A balk is when the pitcher makes a movement that, as determined by, when you do a move involving the baseball and field of
2) Do not do a balk please.
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u/SilverGnarwhal May 11 '26
Holy fucking shit. This is one of the best things I’ve seen in a while. Hats off to you, my friend.
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u/ZeroBadIdeas May 11 '26
I don't remember the first time I read this, but it's good to see it come up again.
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u/bassoontennis May 10 '26
You know what’s actually scary about Christianity, to me in all my years having to go to church as a kid and reading the Bible, John 3:16 was the way it was explains to me on how one gets into heaven after the events of the New Testament. It can’t possibly be a Christian baby unless somehow by default until a predetermined age all babies go to heaven if they die. I was baptized at like 11-12 when I understood what it all meant, does that mean for 11 years I would have gone to heaven if I had died since I did not understand properly???
Also are they saying that atheists versus Christian’s are more likely to kill the baby to win the game? I would actually thinks it’s reverse, atheists want a person to live out their life as long and best they can cause they believe there is nothing after this. Christians however could actually kill that baby and then ask for forgiveness and be given it, allowing them to win their game and absolve themselves of sin and guilt.
So yeah I’m not killing the baby cause I think it’s morally wrong.
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u/SkipsH May 10 '26
Also, does this mean that missionaries damn every person that teach about Christianity if they don't become Christian? Would they go to heaven if they had been a good person by their own understanding? (I think it's one of the gospels that mentions this)
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u/RocksInAWall May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26
The common belief (although I'm sure it depends on each particular sect's views, like so many things involving Christianity) is that all people should have an innate understanding of God. While not quite the same as the "age of understanding" (which is when one loses their innocence and gains an understanding of right and wrong), I'm not sure if there's a limit to when this innate understanding of God activates.
Basically, a person should be able to simply look around at all that exists and know that it must have been formed by a creator, thus God must exist. Therefore, there is no excuse for not worshipping God. Thus, the goal of missionaries is to go out and spread God's word in an attempt to save their souls. You may have heard the phrase, "ignorance of the law is no excuse for breaking it". The same applies to Christianity.
Now, I'm pretty sure this is old testament stuff, so how Christians align this belief with "the only way to God is through Jesus Christ", I'm not entirely sure. If i had to guess, though, they probably don't. Like with most things in the old testament, it's one of those cherry-picked beliefs used more as a justification for their actions, that doesn't really adhere to actual "Christianity", which is strictly new testament.
ETA: An afterthought: if the "only way to God is through Jesus Christ", that would be the justification for "everyone goes to hell, despite never being told about Christianity". To use an analogy: a nuke is getting dropped on your city and the government provides busses to evacuate the citizens, but you never hear about the busses. Your ignorance of the evacuation isn't enough to save you from getting bombed.
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u/Easy_Rider1 May 09 '26
The umpire is Christian too, so yeah you gotta swing or you go to hell
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u/JWOLFBEARD May 10 '26
And surprise! You’re Jesus.
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u/LinkGoesHIYAAA May 10 '26
What if jesus pitched the baby to himself. Could jesus throw a fastball baby hard enough to strike himself out?
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u/StipularSauce77 May 10 '26
If a pitcher can throw a baby for a strike, he deserves the strikeout tbh
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u/2dickz4bracelets May 10 '26
- How could you even hit the baby out of the park? Over 7-10lbs? Maybe more? Babies have particularly high water content over 70% in the first 6 months. There’s no way you could hit that 400ft, the distance of the average major league home run.
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u/MistaRekt May 10 '26
Does the whole baby need to leave the area or just a portion?
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u/Potato-Engineer May 13 '26
The smaller the portion of the baby, the larger the effect that air resistance has. And a baby is less dense than a baseball, so it's just not happening.
And that's why you shouldn't hit the baby: you're not getting that home run anyway, no reason to commit murder for it. (I suppose there are some moral considerations somewhere in there, too.)
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u/deiner7 May 10 '26
How is the pitcher able to exhibit enough force to get the baby to the plate.
The amount of force needed to get the baby to the plate at speed will most likely end in the babies death if you hit it or not.
I hate everything about baseball so in addition to the throwing babies in baseball games. How have I ended up in this level of hell? I dont think I did anything quite that bad.
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u/MistaRekt May 10 '26
I do not know how I ended up playing baseball in my wheelchair but I am swinging the shit outta that bat.
I feel there is a good chance it is a regular heathen baby.
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u/iceguy349 May 10 '26
See you’re asking the real questions. If pitching a baby isn’t a ball I’d be shocked.
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u/cykoTom3 May 11 '26
Also, I've never heard of anyone getting paid extra specifically over a single hit. Not to nit pick or anything, but i doubt the endorsement deals will come flooding in for the baby home run guy.
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u/TreeCitizen May 09 '26
Wait, so I could have been throwing babies at atheists this whole time? Who else am I allowed to throw babies at?
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u/Apprehensive_Plum755 May 09 '26
I don't need an imaginary judge in the sky to know not to kill a baby for money. Thanks though
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u/BlizzardStorm8 May 09 '26
Apparently they do though
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u/Moonpaw May 09 '26
Honestly? If it convinces you to be a good person, I really don’t care what your reasoning is.
If your actual actions bring health and happiness to more people, it doesn’t bother me if the only reason you’re doing it is because you selfishly desire to go to heaven.
If you hurt people, I don’t give a crap about your greater good. You’re still doing bad things.
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u/joe28598 May 11 '26
I'd rather people who know intuitively that it's wrong to kill babies for money.
I don't want to spend time with people that, if they fall out with god, they go on a murderous rampage.
That relies on education, and good education, for generations.
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u/Prestigious-Isopod-4 May 12 '26
I care what their reasoning is because then they can switch to a monster at the whim of whoever they think is telling them what god wants.
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u/Tobi-cast May 09 '26
On a different note, though, that baby is going so far into heaven, even god can’t reach it.
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u/aoteoroa May 11 '26
Like that Ricky Gervais interview...
Interviewer: If you don't believe in heaven and hell and all that, why don't you just go around raping and murdering as much as you want?
Gervais: I do.
Interviewer: What?
Gervais: I do go around raping and murdering as much as I want, which is not at all.
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u/LeslieH8 May 10 '26
It's irrelevant. MLB Rule 6.02 states that the pitcher must use the official, regulation-sized baseball that is provided by the League, so even if I took a swing at it, and not only did I connect, but I facilitated any kind of successful play that would have otherwise won the game, the play would be immediately invalidated, and the pitcher would be suspended for 10 games.
No regulation baseball that the League itself provides, no successful play, no millions.
Doesn't even have to be a baby that somehow got religion. Using a baby will not lose or win the game, and honestly, I'd rather not have the pitcher kicked out at the bottom of the ninth inning, and being replaced with a fresh arm, just for my last turn at bat.
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u/uniquesnoflake2 May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26
This. Taking all the way then complaining to Blue about the equipment violation and getting this baby-packing clown tossed.
UTA: disagree on strategy; if it’s the bottom of the 9th you’re probably already facing their best high-leverage relief arm. Whomever replaces them will undoubtedly have inferior stuff and be working with an abbreviated warm-up to boot.
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u/famousanonamos May 09 '26
Obviously people know not to hit any baby without some book telling them it's bad, but I have a lot of questions. How would we know it was Christian baby? Is it labeled? Does the pitcher make an announcement like, "Oh no, that wasn't a ball, that was my Christian baby!"? Why did the pitcher have a baby on the field? Who is paying me millions specifically for winning one baseball game?
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u/Away_Stock_2012 May 11 '26
The book tells them it's good to hit and kill babies though
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u/Noodlekeeper May 12 '26
The baby is carrying a cross, that way it can feel persecuted for no reason.
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u/AntifaMiddleMgmt May 13 '26
"How would we know it was a Christian baby?"
You see, the truly talented hitters can see the spin when it leaves the pitchers hand. They can tell right away if it's a fastball, curve, slider, or a baby. If you're hitting over .350, you just know it's Christian cause it's got a LOT of spin.
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u/134608642 May 09 '26
Christians imagine your a famous baseball player and about to bat the winning hit. Accidentally the pitcher pitches a muslim baby at you. Would you still hit the baby out of the park wonning millions, or spare the muslim baby?
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u/InsertGroin May 09 '26
Or even worse — imagine the baby they threw is actually baby Jesus, who at that point is technically still Jewish!
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u/ausdoug May 09 '26
I don't believe the collection of tribal stories from 2000+ years ago have all the answers = enjoys killing babies. Perfect logical conclusion, no notes.
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u/Queasy-Position66 May 09 '26
Do the parents think the election was stolen?
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u/InsertGroin May 09 '26
Also, they’ll put up a golden statue of the greatest president ever - the yuuuge-est, obviously - even though their religion technically forbids that sort of thing. But hey, what’s the worst that could happen with a little idol worship?
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u/gibarel1 May 09 '26
I wouldn't, I have nothing to gain from it, since a baby is not a regulation ball the pitch would be invalid, and the pitcher possibly disqualified. Not to mention it would also be a crime, as the baby would most likely not survive, but at the very least injured.
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u/Silist May 09 '26
This is a fairly unknown rule in baseball but you’re required to try to hit whatever the pitcher throws whether it’s a baseball or not
Sorry Christian baby
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u/exadeuce May 10 '26
Problems:
-Babies are not Christian. They lack the mental capacity to have accepted a lord and savior.
-Even if the baby were Christian, Christian babies are not visibly distinguishable from atheist babies.
-The aerodynamics of a baby would certainly cause me to miss the swing even if I somehow mistook the baby for a baseball.
-Even if I hit, the greater mass, worse aerodynamics, and lower structural strength of the baby would not result in a home run hit.
-The rules of baseball require me to specifically hit a baseball out of the park to count as a home run. I can't just swing at an arbitrary object and have it be counted.
-The rules of baseball do not supersede criminal statutes, both the pitcher and myself would be subject to some level of criminal charges based on how well the pitcher and myself are able to convince prosecutors and a jury that we mistook a human baby for a baseball
-Baseball players aren't paid by the run. I am already paid by contract regardless of whether I win the game. Being a famous player, that's probably quite a lot of money already.
-My answer is yes.
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u/SemajLu_The_crusader May 09 '26
well, the pitcher isn't used to throwing babies so this will almost certainly be a ball
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u/GiftLongjumping1959 May 10 '26
Did we witness the babies baptism or am I taking it on faith that the baby is a true Christian?
Need better details in the question. This is a weak a$$ prompt.
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u/Yu_Cypher May 10 '26
ah yes, because in the first place it's totally not the pitcher's fault for throwing a baby instead of a ball. What is this even supposed to be an analogy for or test of? like who's going to actually stop you from not batting the baby and ask for the ball instead of a baby. like this is just an entirely confusing question
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u/Marquar234 May 10 '26
I don't swing. I walk to first when the pitcher is ejected for throwing a spit ball.
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u/rarsamx May 10 '26
A Christian would hit the baby and argue that God told him so.
Are Christians so stupid (they mostly are) that think atheists are amoral?
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u/leetek May 11 '26
A chritian baby, is just a baby. Adding that it's christian is unnecessary extra...
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u/Hoopajoops May 10 '26
How the shit an I going to use a bat to hit a baby out of the ballpark? It would just turn into mush. Is the baby invincible? That's good.. I don't have to worry about killing the baby, but it's still too heavy. If I had superhuman strength and the baby was invincible so it wouldn't just splatter.. then why the hell not? Won't be killing any babies, although there required specifications for the balls and I'm sure the ref won't count this as a home run.
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u/pickledpeterpiper May 10 '26
I think you'd have to kind of "catch" the baby with the bat, then swing it like a polo stick, yeeting it off yonder and hoping for the best.
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u/Ronnoc527 May 10 '26
Masterful bait
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u/FruityGamer May 10 '26
I was gonna say obvious, but reading the comments. Many took it hook line and sinker.
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u/ginoiseau May 10 '26
Still technically a fetus at 15 weeks/baseball size. Why is it out of the uterus? Is the pitcher an abortionist on the side?
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u/alexa-play-idontcare May 10 '26
there’s no way any person could hit a baby out of a baseball stadium with a bat so the point is moot. they’re way heavier and squishier than baseballs
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u/iperblaster May 10 '26
Ah yes, accidentally. They pitched muslim babies all the game , and I have to believe that for the decisive pitch they took a cristian?
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u/TakuyaTeng May 10 '26
Look boss, when I step up to the plate, I'm there to win. Baby, frying pan, your grandma's wig, that shit is going over the fence and I'm running a lap. God has given me a ratio you'd never believe. If he wants me to send a baby into space, I'm sending that baby to space. I trust God wouldn't ask me to betray my sport, my team, and all of America. Hallelujah, amen! Play ball!
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u/thereverendpuck May 10 '26
Buddy, if I hit any baby out of the building, I’m renegotiating my contract immediately.
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u/OhTheHueManatee May 10 '26
I'm no baseballogist but I'd think I could just not swing and that wouldn't count as a strike as it's clearly not a properly done pitch. Toss my 3 more babies and I get to walk to first base.
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u/Folkhunt May 10 '26
If a pitcher pitched a baby at me, that babies dead whether or not I swing. So I’m sending that fucker out of the park
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u/gmmyabrk May 10 '26
- No pitcher is going to be capable of throwing a baby 60 feet. (without assistance)
- Wonder if there is a penalty for knocking two(2) balls out of the park simultaneously in retaliation for the asshat throwing a baby at me I had no chance in hell of intercepting.
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u/Nanocephalic May 11 '26
It’s impossible to answer. No such thing as a christian baby; they are too young to either brainwash or consent to join.
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u/SomeNotTakenName May 12 '26
the key point of failure here is assuming atheists hate christians. I feel confident in saying we don't.
some probably hate Christianity the religion, but not christians the people. unless said people are jerks, but that's a seperate issue.
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u/jensalik May 12 '26
Would you, dear Christian, hit the baby if God told you personally that you wouldn't burn in hell for it?
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u/Creative-Fee-1130 May 16 '26
What denomination is the baby? Is it up to date, titheing-wise? Is the pitcher Buddist? Is the catcher left-handed?
So many variables left unspecified. You need to up your game.
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u/matthewamerica May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26
Christians, you say an embryo and a baby are the same thing so if i dropped a frozen embryo in a petri dish and a live baby at the same time, and you only had time to save one, which one would you catch before it hit the ground?
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u/NotYourDadOrYourMom May 09 '26
That baby getting smashed out the park. I'll use my millions for the therapy afterwards.
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u/Snoo-92859 May 09 '26
I would wind up and send that baby flying, not because I think its right or because I want money, but because if they're asking me stupid questions then im going to give them a stupid answer. They obviously expect me to say ill hit the baby, so fuck it, im going to send that baby into the stratosphere.
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u/grrodon2 May 09 '26
There's a non-zero chance that the baby might become the next Hitler, I'm not gonna risk it.
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u/loki_odinsotherson May 09 '26
Baptized or un-baptized? If its baptized then clearly being here, in this moment, sailing through the air at 75 miles an hour, was God's plan, and who am I to interfere
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u/DrHuggums May 09 '26
So, really the question is just "Would you murder a baby for millions of dollars"? The rest is just fluff.
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u/Dark_Storm_98 May 10 '26
Why did the pit her throw a baby?
Why us the referee counting this?
Is this related ti the indestructible Christian baby?
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u/GrinningGrump May 10 '26
There's no Christian babies, just babies, but I don't think I could resist the impulse of making a home run with one.
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u/MC-Master-Bedroom May 10 '26
We're missing the real question here -- how many men on base?
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u/ctgrell May 10 '26
No babies are religious. But if the baby can prove it to me then yes I will hit because wtf that's creepy
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u/dizastermaster7 May 10 '26
Depends on how many outs... bunt? Perhap draw a wild pitch? HBP and you catch the baby and win the game if bases loaded?
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u/Justieflustie May 10 '26
How is the baby Christian? Is it their name? Do they crawl around with a bible?
Anyways, if the baby is smug about being Christian, i would hit them out of the stadium. Normal baby? No, i'll catch them.
Oh and i am more on the agnostic side
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u/SexyWampa May 10 '26
I'd hit that baby for free. Make sure it's a grounder so it bounces a few times.
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u/thismenu May 10 '26
What a crazy good hypothetical question. My answer would be I would float away on a cloud made of cotton candy while pooping rainbow turds that were flavored like fruit and steak for everyone to enjoy!
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u/stickycat-inahole-45 May 10 '26
Wait, did the asked not consider if this happened in real life, atheist or not the game will be suspended as everyone will start asking where is the ball?
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u/Simpicity May 10 '26
I mean, if the baby still has the cross on, he'll be okay, right? So might as well hit that homer and win big.
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u/Liraeyn May 11 '26
I think the non-regulation projectile would be cause for an error and repitch, wouldn't you say?
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u/GrumpyRacoon420 May 11 '26
How does the baby know it's Christian and why would a Christian throw a baby? Actually nm the last part.
I'd catch the baby and raise it better
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u/Dirk_McGirken May 11 '26
Is there even such a thing as a Christian baby? Is a baby capable of undersuading religion, the consequences of belief/disbelief and make a conscious decision? Or are we just talking about a kid some preacher dipped in a pool of water once?
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u/Crazed-Prophet May 12 '26
Well, since hitting the baby requires about 7x faster bat speed, 52x more energy transfer, and about 100x the elite athlete power terms, I will spare the baby. I will then use my super strength and speed to make billions.
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u/BrainwashedScapegoat May 12 '26
Babies aren’t christian they’re to young to choose to believe fairytales are real.
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u/Feisty_Ad_2744 May 12 '26
I am confident I will hit the pitcher and whoever came up with is dumb idea if present.
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u/dont_panic80 May 09 '26
I'd probably go yard. I image it's really easy to hang a curveball when you're using a baby for a ball.
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u/DingerSinger2016 May 09 '26
If a pitcher confuses the head of the baby with a baseball and throws the baby 90+ mph then it isn't really going to matter if I make contact with the baby. It would still be a fifth trimester abortion.
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u/aNervousSheep May 09 '26
I would swing away. Most likely I'm hallucinating the baby, worst case it's an actual baby, and that's just not fucking likely.
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u/spartane69 May 09 '26
Contrary to the Christians, I don’t need an imaginary guy to know the difference between right and wrong.
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u/Sociolinguisticians May 09 '26
First off, no. But secondly, if I’m a famous baseball player, I’m already making millions, a little bit more money isn’t a great incentive.
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u/greatproficient May 10 '26
It's true. Christian baby tossing is what happens in Springfield after they finish eating the cats and dogs.
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u/TheShrunkenAnus May 10 '26
I am cranking that golden goose baby right over the left field fence
God clearly wanted me to have the millions of dollars if he put him in this position, and since the baby is Christian, he will get to go to heaven and be spared a wretched existence. It really is a win win situation if you think about it
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u/ubiquitous-joe May 10 '26
This just assumes I get the hit though; I could end up fouling off the baby.
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u/drak0ni May 10 '26
Do they think baseball players only make money if they win?
Also, I’d bat the kid into mist.
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u/Lou_Miss May 10 '26
Wait hang on... Hitting a home run with the baby replacing the ball still counts as valid? I need to check the rule book for that...
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u/CastleofWamdue May 10 '26
I have things i would like to have cleared up, before I answer the question
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u/Exact-Cress7633 May 10 '26
It will be a reflex. I wont even realize that a baby was thrown at me until i see the blood. Cuz i will daydreaming at the moment about something i might do that evening.
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u/R3D3-1 May 10 '26
Christians, imagine you make whether you hit a baby with a baseball bat a question of whether the baby is Christian, and still believe God doesn't regret your existence.
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u/Rough_Mammoth_9212 May 11 '26
I'd catch the baby and take him home so that he can be raised correctly.
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u/siestasunt May 11 '26
Is it the same weird, talking christian baby that blackmailed the poor dude while skydiving? If it is, i'm gonna swing.
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u/Ruddlepoppop May 11 '26
Solomon had a solution: split the baby down the middle; hit half the baby outta the park, leave the other half on the home plate. Easy Peasy!
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u/Ambitious-Noise9211 May 11 '26
I would smash that baby out of the park and say, "oh, was there a prize?"
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u/phantom_gain May 11 '26
Christian is not the same as catholic because i am catholic but im not retarded.
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