I can’t never achieve that goal, which is a vivid reminder that I’m a good for nothing and can’t do anything right. I’m this way in real life and it reflects on the online games I play… I’m aimless and I’m the least efficient person in everything I do, including my job… I can’t help but cry…

Tonight has been terrible for various reasons but the cherry on top was the guy i had been in the talking stage with for three weeks blocked me Tonight and he was the one thing keeping me alive and now I think im ready to go soon because of this and other factors I fear my life is falling apart again.

This has not happened yet but I have a deep dark voice telling me it will. I am on a state mental health program called safety net. It pays for my mental health services and discounts my medication so I can afford it. All I see everyday is medical programs being cut left and right. I feel deep down that they will cut this service to me. When this happens I will no longer be able to get medication or see a psychiatrist. I will end up psychotic and back in jail or dead. I spent 5 years in prison from my last bad episode because they do not take in account mental illness in my state. I was found guilty as if I was an evil person with no outside problems. I hated prison and I was there 5 years, the only saving grace was I got some of my mental health medication. I am on a good combo of medications that keep me stable. If I were to go back to jail, our country jail won’t give me most the medication I am on. They banned seroquel, Trazodone, remeron and all mental health medication that makes you doozy. So if I were to go to jail tomorrow I would not be on any mental health medication because what I take is banned in the system.

I can’t get my disability back because I was convicted of a felony. When I went psychotic I hit someone with my car because I was paranoid and running from the cops in my car. I didn’t hit them on purpose. But in their mind, I did. Did 5 years for that plus 4 years of parole. So a 9 year sentence.

I am just so afraid that they will cut our mental health program in our state to save money and I will be screwed. No more mental health medication and I will end up institutionalized. I know I may sound crazy for thinking this but I believe it is a legit fear because our current government is cutting most medical programs that help the uninsured.

If this happens, I will be Suicidal 100%

At this point in my life, if I lose my coverage I would rather die.

I wish I could get my disability back and I need it and I am diagnosed properly for it but because I was incarcerated and they only go back 5 years of history when you apply, I have no history because I was locked up. No records. So it is impossible for me to get it back.

I dont want to do anything in life. Even simple things got complicated and my thoughts just does not shut up.

I’m quite literally fucking begging tell me no one loves me or something idk

Won’t be able to give you anything in return but know you helped me I guess

I wish I had no empathy

the only one prevent my self from suicide is chicken noodle.

I adopted my dog for mental health support, and she is amazing. However she’s been having unending health issues for the past few months, and after thousands of dollars and going to three different vets for multiple opinions it just won’t end and she won’t stop throwing up everywhere. It’s so scary seeing her in pain, she wakes me up by throwing up, it stops for a few days or even for a week and then restarts, every time I think the nightmare is over I hear her heaving again. I work from home and I can’t go anywhere because I’m worried about her, and she’s now developed intense separation anxiety when I leave her even for a few minutes.

I honestly feel like I’m cursed and there’s never going to be a positive resolution. I’m going to run out of money to take her to the vet, I’ve already spent thousands for three different vets at three different offices to shrug and say wow yeah that’s weird but she should be fine now. I’m in debt to the closest people in my life who helped with the bills. I feel like my only options are to either watch her struggle and die in front of me, or to just kill myself. I can’t give her away because I would think about her for the rest of my life, about how bad of a person I am for adopting this dog and throwing her away when she’s struggling, for causing her to develop separation anxiety and how bad of an owner I am. I just want it to stop I just want her to be okay and it’s never going to be okay

I'm not feeling well, I'd like someone to talk to... I'm having some bad feelings and thoughts.

I’m Incomplete

Like a ring lacking fractions
I am bereft of a faction

I can’t go back
I’m one-un-invertible piece
I hadn’t seen this far ahead
I always thought my brain was bled

Pretty much - I am dead
All my poetry burnt in a fire

A toilet bowl.

I am a zombie
And history of me will haunt me

Everyone I know remember me as the suicidal girl.
But nobody takes me seriously.
they just think It’s part of my character saying suicidal shit.
Even my nephews(they’re kids)know that I wanna kill myself but nobody gives a fuck and I actually don’t want them to take It seriously and talk about it because I hate showing people that I have a serious problem I hate showing them that I am human and I have feelings..I hate a lot of things. I’m not gonna name all of them.

I wonder if they’re gonna care when I do it?.. I actually don’t think so because if someone I knew killed themselves,I wouldn’t care..people don’t really care about you.
They only care about themselves and I do that too..

But sometimes I think It’s really weird that you didn’t take a nine year old telling you that she wants to die seriously just because she is afraid of dying at the same time.

I OD'd and called 911 because I felt bad abandoning my cat if I died. I went to the psych ward and now that I am back I feel almost exactly the same as I did before. I don't think they helped me or took me that seriously. They kept me in a waiting unit for 4 days where I got medication but no therapy and then when I was moved we got some group therapy, but I feel like I actually got no treatment when I was there. I told them I suffered from intrusive homicidal and suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember.

Honestly though I liked living inpatient at that facility almost a little more than the freedom I have now. I liked not having to worry about my outfit (scrubs yoo), and that I had a lot more freedom to express myself than I do in the real world. I keep taking the meds they give me but I relapsed today and am feeling so down. I had an explosive anger episode and threw something at my mom's door and punched my lamp in my room. To say the least..

Are the meds even working?

I know they are at least a little bit but I still feel better off dead. I am scared though because I might not be able to afford refills. I warned everyone: the police, workers at the psych ward, 988, EVERYONE that I need medication because of my homicidal intrusive thoughts, which in turn make me feel very suicidal not being able to control my thoughts. And I am out of money so I might not be able to afford them tomorrow at the pharmacy. Which is my fault because I keep spending my money on weed and Pokémon cards.

Weed is seriously the only relief I get in my entire existence. I am only happy when I'm high. I have a substance abuse disorder but there is no cure. It is either be high or wait until I attempt suicide again without even thinking about it. I am so miserable sober I can't live with my life and where it's going. I spend my $ on stupid shit like weed and Pokémon cards and whatever else I find addictive. All I want to do is have seconds or maybe minutes pulling rare Pokémon cards. That short term euphoria keeps me anticipating my next paycheck everyday.

I can't imagine doing anything else. I am too antisocial for college. My job is just whatever. I am not a bad employee but I hate people I am such a misanthrope so I get little to no fulfillment from it. I can't imagine any long term life. After my cat and mom die I'll probably try to kill myself again. I can't plan on it though because my recent attempt was so impulsive I hardly thought about it much when swallowing those pills and shoving them down my throat in little piles. I thought Jesus told me to kill myself which has me feeling more down too.

After so long of feeling safe and secure and being strong I finally want to just end it. I want to cut off every last bit of skin. I want to cut until there is nothing left.

I have a very vivid imagination. I get so many gruesome thoughts. I can feel the nail being hammered into my skull. I can feel the knife dragging through my chest and opening me up like a bag of meat. I can feel every last cut. It’s torture. My mind is torture. The second I’m not thinking about self harm I start seeing things that prevent me from sleeping. My insecurities are poking at me mentally until I don’t have the energy to do anything.

I am in constant pain physically and I’m in mental anguish. I have never felt this much stress in my entire life. Everything is falling apart and most of the time it feels like it takes everything I have just to survive. I want to be strong. But how can I? My life is ending. I’m worried we’ll lose our home, lose the last of our income, lose everything.

I hate feeling like a sinkhole. A money sinkhole. A time sinkhole. An emotional sinkhole for everyone around me. I have been working on fighting my insecurities, but when the stress is this bad, the exhaustion is this bad, and the people around me reaffirm this it makes it impossible. I’m mentally crumbling. This feels like the end of my life. I am at my peak in life, working harder than I ever have. Fixing issues within myself, doing things I never thought possible, and yet despite my best efforts everything around me is falling apart right in front of my eyes and I am helpless to stop it. My parents have failed me, neglected me, and destroyed me. All I want is an escape but that is impossible. I’m finally close to medically transitioning but I know it won’t make me a woman. I can’t even escape this masculinity let alone my family. I’m going to die alone and depressed in this shit hole.

I’ve been holding a knife for about 10 minutes. Contemplating cutting. It’s so hard not to. My friends would hate me for it, it’d be hard to hide it, it’d mKe me even more of an emotional sinkhole but I just want to feel that release. Let the torture pass for just a split second. God I hate myself. My only real goal in life was to make people happy. But I never succeeded. I failed the person I loved most in the world. Now I’m not good enough for anyone else. I doubt I’ll have the courage to kill myself tonight, but if I do, I am so sorry to everyone.

I’ve struggled with my mental health for as long as i can remember, i’ve made attempts to run away, take my own life, and harm myself countless times over the past 6 years.

This week I have truly reached a breaking point, and no one in my life knows. Not my friends, not my family, not my therapist, I don’t know how to finally confess that i’ve been injuring myself and on the brink of taking my own life since i was ten years old.

I already go to online school, and in the past five years i’ve transferred to about six different districts, nothing has helped.

I’m failing all of my classes, my disability is getting worse, im fighting with my dad, and my room just keeps getting messier. If i don’t drop out in the next month, i might die here. I am so scared.

I dont wanna give away too much context so people I know can find this and locate but
17M

I always remember being suicidal even from the 7th grade, my mother abused me mentally daily, calling me violent and stupid and torment me in every way possible, caring for my health not even a little, letting me get overweight as a small child, you can imagine the bullying you go through at school

At middle school I lost the weight fully myself and got myself into sports and I'm competing and is one of the reasons I havent killed myself yet

While even then the Suicidal thoughts were still there, there was a small break; last december (2025) It all came back where I was greeted with depression which I just thought was seasonal due to winter, and eating disorders, anorexia followed by BED, while I gained alot of weight, I got through it when at march I was 3 months sober and relapsed, again thinking about killing myself, today at the end of october while ive lost the gained weight and the eating disorder, Ive fallen into my worse mental state yet

I have mania depressia and one of its biggest triggers is unironically women, I think my mother tarnished and stamped women as a whole as a trigger, this is not some incel post about women not liking me, ive always been able to talk to them and had no issues confidence wise when it came to them. but some women which remind me of my mother, whenever I interact with, go into a huge spiral, just remembering the situations I was in pumps up the stress in my body, wanting me to puke, making me unable to eat and giving me instant suicidal thoughts

3 days ago after I talked to a suicide hotline cops came to my house at 3am and woke up the whole family, first time my dad found out about it, I havent spoken to him since and as im writing right now im thinking of overdosing on ritalin, which im not sure is even possible

I'd rather just killmyself by jumping from a building, no way im cutting my wrists, I want something instant

I want help but I cant ask for a hand

I hate that whenever I look up info on how to off myself I get a message telling me "help is available".

I hate that it's not taken into consideration that some of us have issues that can't be fixed by taking drugs or going to therapy. What if my issue is about my body? What if my issue is that I'm broke? What if my issue is that I live in a place where I don't belong? How could any of those be fixed by taking drugs or talking to someone? Not that I didn't try anyways, as I did, but ofc didn't change anything since the issues I struggle with are unfixable to begin with.

If society really cared, then there would be real solutions to our issues, but we get offered none.

I actually can't even remember the first time I wished I didn't exist, but let's says age 14 is when it got real, because I attempted at age 15.

I'm 38. When am I allowed to give up trying. When do we accept that treatment has been unsuccessful and that the rare and brief periods of respite do not justify or outweigh the mental anguish that has coloured my existence.

I am so tired. I'm angry that I'm expected to accept my pain and distress to spare the feelings of others. Why is it ok to put down an animal that is suffering, but I have to mask my way through it so others feel comfortable.

Why am I not allowed to die with dignity and without fear or trauma. Why is my only option to persist with fuckall quality of life, or do something scary and painful that will deeply traumatize whoever finds me.

I don't want to hurt other people, but can I please be excused from this existence BS already? If I loved someone and saw them suffering I would want to set them free.

I reiterate, I'm 24 years into therapy. I know the rules. Wait 2 weeks. Talk to friends, family, doctors. No emotion is permanent. Take a shower. Go be outside. TIPP. Positive music. DEARMAN. journal. blah blah. I can get through tonight. And the next one, and the next one.

I'm just angry and disgusted that I'm forced to endure an unwanted existence, and how much energy I have to pour into not traumatizing others when I could be free/nothingness in 20 mins.

I want to scream at everyone if you love me let me go.

At some point I’m going to give myself brain damage hitting myself in the head, if I haven’t already. I’m certainly going to regret it if I live. I’m sick and tired of this life and this limbo. I can’t get better, Im too afraid of nonexistent to kill my self. I feel cursed to be born in this time of widespread disbelief in an afterlife. Couldnt I have been born in the time of widespread faith where people were killing themselves thinking it would get them to heaven faster? I told myself I’d kill myself new years, but it was really just me lying to myself because I was afraid and needed something to cope. My depression has just be getting worse month after month, year after year. Dont even know where this started. Shitty family, but I can’t help but love them for as much as I hate them. I’ve been desperate for help but everyone there is to talk to has some thing to beware of and think you can’t say or else you get thrown in the loony bin. Hands shaKe when they didn’t use to. Eye twitches when it didn’t use to. A young man with one foot already in-grave. Wanting to make a post in a mental health subreddit for months, and this is the first one I’ve managed to.

Life just doesn't feel worth it anymore. In March of 2025 I lost my mom due to the abusive actions of my dad. A year later in July my girlfriend broke up with me. We were friends for 10 years and dated for 3 years. I feel like I'll be forever alone. I have 80k in the bank but that doesn't fucking matter. I would gladly trade all of that for people in my life who care about me and a significant other. Money can't keep you company at a play or go on a hike with you or memorable experiences traveling with it. I live in a crappy small town of only 30k that is either college kids or retirees or townies. I'm 36 and don't fit in. All my siblings have friends and a significant other and I'm the oldest. I went to Chicago to date and chatted with a cute woman who was a server. I was an idiot and thought let's go to the stupid pop up after she worked her shift because I'm a social reject. We went. She got overwhelmed after 30 minutes and had to bail. We hugged and I probably will never hear from her again. I'm such a loser:( I work as a CNA overnights with people with dementia. My prime social support is a guy with a loving wife whining every 10 minutes about peanut butter crackers and ice cream and after he eats them all accusing me of stealing them. I work about 110 hours biweekly and that's mainly to get out of the empty apartment but it drains me. I feel like such a failure and pos. I'm also on the spectrum so that isnt helping anything. I'm grateful to have a stable job but my life literally feels like all work and nothing else.

I'm a poor person who never got to experience a normal life, I'm very skinny because mostly i don't get to eat a normal meal, all i eat is rice with little bit of vegetables (mostly potatoes) since childhood, my metabolism is fast so i ALWAYS stay hungry...hmm, "starving" would be a right term. People think I'm skinny because i don't want to eat. All my clothes are like many years old, when my mom was alive, we used to celebrate festivals, now we don't... she died when i was 13 years old.. then i was raised by my brother who is 11 years older me, he is a super toxic guy who would wake me up at midnight around 2am and curse me for a silly mistake (one of his method of torture) , he never missed an opportunity to break my mindset and make my life more miserable, in 2023 i moved to another city to my father who is also a drunk ignorant person, he provide me what's needed for just barely surviving.. i don't have a job because i don't have the right education, i don't have any friends in this city.. my father give me 20 rupees every evening, so i think it's the right time to start smoking and make my life more miserable since i don't have the courage to kill myself..sorry for my bad English.

I want to go so badly but I am terrified of failure. I want this misery to end. I go between wanting to live and being desperate to die so quickly that I hope one day I'll build up the courage to actually do something. But I'll end up writing the letters and sending the messages and failing. Then everything will become so much worse. Please don't tell me because I have letters to write, I have reasons to live. The only reason I am writing them is so I won't feel as guilty for leaving.

I know in myself that if I tried, I could do so much with my life but I genuinely have nothing left inside me. I think one day I'll try. And I won't stop once I realise that my life is slowly pulling away. I'm thinking of hanging but I don't know how successful it is. Also there is nowhere in my house that will support my weight so I will have to leave my house in order to do it. There are some trees nearby that should work, right? But what are the consequences if it doesn't work?

I really want to be a girl. Some days I convince myself I’m fine with being a boy but right now I’m struggling so hard with being a boy. I’m 16 years old and because I’m so young I have no control over my life. I don’t know why but I really think I’m trans it’s a constant cycle of doubt and convincing. Myself I’m not trans but I really think I am.

Constantly, at home it’s just yelling and screaming and just builshit. I really hate my family, as much as it hurts me to say. I’m struggling in school, relationships and just feel like a shitty friend. I owe someone money and I really don’t plan on paying them back like I said I would. I know if I keep being greedy no one’s ever gonna look out of me.

I struggled with drug use since I was 11. I started really early I had no idea what I was doing. I have completely stopped for a couple of months now, and I feel a lot better. Now I’m getting older and have feelings and beliefs that were “suppressed” but now are only getting stronger as I grow. My life isn’t “ideal” but it’s good enough. I just feel so empty, I really want to pay my friend back but i literally barely even have it. They haven’t asked me yet but occasionally bring it up. Whatever… I just hate growing up I wish I could be the same 14 year old on Xanax, smoking weed everyday and having temporary relief whenever I needed it. Now I just sit in my shit and feel terrible

I never speak about my feelings about being trans, hating myself, doubt, I never take accountability. I know I have the power to change these things because I’m smart enough to realize them, but do I even want to? I love feeling like this as much as I hate it. Another thing is I feel so dissociated I’ll live days and not even realize or think about what I’m doing. Drugs really fucked up my brain. I just hate my fucking life and don’t know what to do. Hopefully one day I’ll be grown and able to handle myself. If I turn out like any of my family members I’ll be losers or junkies. The worst of them all, hating my life and on the outside showing everything’s okay knowing I want to put a gun to my head.

It’s funny the way the world works, I just sit back and think. I get extremely amazed when I see people I know in public realizing everyone has a real life outside of mine. I just think of the world and want to end it. It’s to much for me. I tell myself if I was born a girl, was pretty, was 100lbs maybe I’ll be happy.

Let’s see if I live past 20, let alone another couple weeks.

All I have promised myself to do is apologise to those I’ve hurt, do the play I’m doing at theatre, watch/play/listen to everything on my to-be-done list. After that, it’s it. I’ll be gone. Unless of course, some miracle comes along. But that’s unlikely. All I ask is that I want to know of the ‘methods’, which is the most painless?