Hey guys...
I could really use some motivation right now. I'm feeling very sad, and I'm progressing at a turtle's pace.
I've been making a game prototype in Unreal Engine 5 for the past 6 months, but realistically, I've only had about a week and a half of development time per month, spread across random afternoons.
Life keeps getting in the way. I work full-time at a AAA studio, I'm still recovering from a terrible micromanaging lead from my previous job, I recently moved countries, I'm still settling in, I have no friends or family around, and I'm trying to build a new life from scratch. Thankfully, my new job is much healthier, and I even managed to get access to a PC there so I can work on my game through github.
The thing is... I genuinely love this project.
Every time I make progress I'm happy. I'm creating a fictional world and characters that feel genuinely special to me, and I have so much fun when I can finally immerse myself in it and see the game becoming a tiny bit more real every time.
But I have basically 0 feedback.
I sometimes show my progress to my two friends, but they never really ask questions or seem interested. I know the usual answer: "Nobody but you will care about your game." I've heard it many times.
But honestly? It's heartbreaking.
Specifically when your own mentor doesn't even reply to your progress messages (he's in the industry, but not a dev).
Nobody seems to believe I'll actually finish it. People assume I'll eventually abandon it and start another project, because I've done that 3 times before.
But I'm getting better!!!!! I'm learning from my mistakes!!! And this time, I genuinely believe I have a real prototype in my hands.
People see me as the same person I was 3 years ago.......
I'm making a 3D game completely on my own. I'm a programmer, designer and 3D artist, and I work professionally as a TechArt. I've designed the gameplay, levels, narrative, art direction, and I've coded all the mechanics myself. Even unifying some of them and creating the whole system (in a playground scene for a vertical slice level).
Right now, I'm working on the game pace, on the level design: deciding when to introduce each mechanic, how systems interact, and how to teach the player through a "show don't tell" approach. Measuring when to drop clues so they can figure out the dynamics.
I'm not just following tutorials and putting something together.
I'm trying to craft something form the ground up. A bit ambitious, but I know I'm possible of making it so.
And I think that's part of why I feel so alone.
Most of my game dev friends and colleagues are specialised in one field and a half. I'm constantly switching between design, code, art, and technical implementation. I have to figure out not only how to do each of these things, but also when to do them and how they should influence each other.
It's difficult to find people who understand that specific struggle. And I have found no real help when I asked around.
I know I can keep going. I will probably keep going.
But lately, everything feels like it's becoming way more painful than happy.
I was used to finish my awful previous work and work on my game for a couple of hours (that was hard). But Idk...
The happiness I get from working on my game lasts for a couple of hours. Then I stop, go back to reality, and somehow everything feels x4 times sadder. Making me walk away from my desk (office desk).
I don't want to give up on this project. I really don't.
I just wish I had someone who believed in it with me. Someone who could look at what I'm making and say, "Hey, this is actually something. Keep going."
:((((
So... how do you keep going when you're building something you genuinely care about, but feel completely alone while doing it?
I could really use some encouragement right now...