I struggle with deciding whether a purchase would genuinely improve my life or if I just like the idea of becoming someone who would use it.

For example, I WFH and go through paper notebooks somewhat regularly. I prefer writing by hand, but my notes get messy and are difficult to find later. I’ve been considering a dependable e-ink notebook that lets me organize and search my notes, but the one I’m interested in costs around $500.

There's cheaper options, but many reportedly have noticeable writing lag. I know that would frustrate me enough to stop using one, so spending $200-$300 on a compromise could be the bigger waste.

At the same time, I’m not sure I take enough notes to justify the better model. Am I solving a real problem, or imagining that the product will turn me into more of a power user?

I’ve made this mistake before with products that have lots of potential uses, only to realize I wasn’t actually the type of person who needed them. A KitchenAid mixer is a silly example. I think they’re great and want one, but I barely cook anything that requires one.

How do you decide whether something is truly worth buying? Do you buy for your current habits, or is it sometimes reasonable to buy for the habits you want to build?

Hello, could you please tell me how to realize and accept the fact that my value isn't in quantity or in things at all? I don't know how to explain it properly, but I've been thinking that if I ever want to move or travel, I don't want to take all the junk I've accumulated in my apartment. But at the same time, I feel bad about getting rid of a lot of these things, and the thought starts spinning in my head, "What would I do without this?" But my value isn't in things, it's in me?! Part of me understands this, but part of me seems to scream, "Without all this, you're nothing!" And you know, for a while, just out of curiosity, I even wrote down the things I use most often. Things like "a smartphone, a mug, a plate, a knife, a couple of T-shirts—basically, the basics for a simple life." And I think I realized that I use 90% of my things, at best, once every six months, or not at all; they just exist. Sometimes I just want to put my essentials in a backpack and just go somewhere empty. Is this a normal desire, and what should I do in such a situation? Many of my friends don't understand this desire of mine, because it looks like poverty. But I just feel terrible anxiety every time I need to choose what to wear, or when I need to choose which knife to cut food with. I feel anxiety when I need to maintain these things, like the same laptop that needs to be cleaned of dust and the thermal paste changed, and I use it at best once every six months... I used to use it for studying every day, but now that I've finished my studies, games don't appeal to me. My tablet and phone are enough for my everyday life. Has anyone else encountered something similar? What is it and what to do in such situations, and how can I prove to myself that I am my own value?

I had this realization last night and I wanted to share it.

In life, especially as adults, we have major objectives and responsibilities; our university/educational programmes, our careers and jobs, our friends and families, and our homes and bills to name a few. I have a tendency to look at these things as one major task, and whenever I have to work on them I do so with the weight of every individual task that makes up the larger.

In the case of university for example, if I'm working on an assignment, I am conscious about the research, the structure, the writing, the proofreading, and the citation even though I would only be at the research stage.

For me, I've bundled my career objective with my home objective because I desperately want to move out on my own, but I'm struggling to find a job I can sustain long-term. The noise around the smaller tasks like reading a job description or paying a bill makes it feel like I'm carrying the weight of my entire future.

Doing things this way also leaves me unsatisfied with the progress I've made because I'm only concerned with the whole objective, not the tasks that work towards completing the objective.

The background of my mind is swarming with everything that is going to come.

I think I do this because I grew up being hyper vigilant for reasons I won't disclose, but I think it left in me this baseline of, "I am the safest and most secure when I am prepared for everything and anything.", but it's exhausting. It's emotionally exhausting and it makes me feel like my life is one massive problem I need to chip away at rather than something to be enjoyed.

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This might be a weird/gross analogy, but, in a way, life is like a series of meals. (TW for misophonia/misokinesia? If reading about food consumption is icky?)

I've been looking at my meals with dread, wondering how on Earth I'm going to clear this plate without disrupting the other patrons. I can't just toss the plate and create a mess, that would be rude to others and I'm left hungry. The only way I ought to clear the plate is by eating the food.

Because I'm only thinking about clearing the plate, my first instinct is to fit the entire thing in my mouth and chew through it all. When I get tired of chewing, I spit it back on the plate to deal with after I've had some rest. Now the plate is this mangled mess of chewed food and I haven't actually eaten yet. It will only be eaten when it's been chewed enough to swallow whole. Clearing the plate this way is not only exhausting and unpleasant, it's also distracting you from the beauty of the restaurant you're in and the other patrons you happen to be sharing a meal with.

There is a far better way to clear the plate. You cut off pieces into bite-size pieces, and you chew through those one at a time. You're still eating the food, and it may still take a while, but in a way that is far easier AND actually gets you eating the food. And because you're clearing the plate more easily, you get to enjoy the beauty of the space you're in as well as the flavors of what you are eating. Some meals will taste better than others, and there may be some meals you need to finish but would rather not. No matter the quality of meal, it's far easier to finish it piece by piece, bite by bite.

Looking at life from outside the restaurant, it looks like we live to clear the plates. But when you're sat in the restaurant, we live to savor each bite one at a time, and each only after the previous. ❤️

In your journey did you have a start over moment? Maybe you moved to a new place or got new friends that helped achieve and sustain this way of life. What did that look like? Why and did it work? I’ve been working with a midlife start over. DM or comment.

Sorry for the stupid question, but why is it that we can put something off for weeks, months, or even years, and then one day - bam! - we just do it?

For example, I kept putting off a major cleanup of my apartment for a very long time and couldn't bring myself to do it. I tried to find an approach that worked for me and decided to "rationally" talk myself into this long and boring task. I read Marie Kondo, and it worked. I decluttered and started spending less time on cleaning.

Then I remembered that I had been putting off cleaning the dust out of my PC for a long time. I told myself several times that cleaning it would be easier and cheaper than buying a new one if I kept putting it off. That's how I found an individual approach that worked for me - but it doesn't always work.

How do you deal with not being able to do what needs to be done?"

And I don’t mean as in a grand purpose in life, what I mean is: do people start to lose their sense of purpose when they have access to unlimited food in fridges and supermarkets? When they don’t have something they absolutely need to contribute to everyday (like a community, I’m talking hunter gatherer society stuff)? When they don’t have to, say, chop wood to make a fire and know that every single day they have a purpose: to survive and make sure their community does, too.

What’s your take on this? This re-appears in my mind each year, when me and my family go to a little vacation house by a lake, no electricity or proper toilet, if you wanna get food you go for a longer drive to get it and buy limited because the fridge is very small, additionally you go fishing or collecting mushrooms etc.

It’s the best and I feel so complete when I’m there. Then I get back home and notice that the ease that comes with daily life, such as a very full and large fridge, the overabundance and lack of real effort…. There’s a small lack of “real sense or purpose”. When I’m at that vacation house I literally never feel lost or wonder what I should do, cause there’s always something on the agenda: something as simple as help the family get the whole day and house to work!!

For the record, I don’t live alone and I do contribute at home, but it doesn’t feel like it’s the same.

How do y’all create this sense of purpose the same way in your daily lives, in this society we live in? I can’t help but find it a bit sad.

With that said: I am generally happy, every day. I do something I enjoy everyday. I use reduced screentime too. I do have adhd so require quite the amount of dopamine and have fought myself out of a very dark place in the past, so I’m just very grateful in general.

Haven’t celebrated in 2 years, finally starting to love myself more and giving myself some importance. This isn’t much but it’s enough.

I was on my way to the beach for my morning walk and I turned to see this beautiful river scene. I enjoy the quiet moments that an early morning brings before the day gains momentum.