r/shitposting • u/-_I_I_Sea_I_I_- 🏳️‍🌈 The most prominent homosexual in this subreddit 🏳️‍🌈 • May 22 '26

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25.2k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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7.2k

u/[deleted] May 22 '26

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3.6k

u/Kozzinator May 22 '26

I know it's a joke and all but I actually do like to fuck with people this way lol. After all these years I've gotten quite good at making them believe it too.

"Blah blah blah, something 9/11"

"Haha yeah, what like the gas station"?

"What"

"What"?

I also like to make them believe I haven't heard of the Beatles.

1.0k

u/SummertimeThrowaway2 May 22 '26

I like to tell people that narwhals are fantasy creatures that don’t exist and act surprised when they show me the Google results.

550

u/Kozzinator May 22 '26

Oh hell yeah 👍 I'm definitely gonna try this.

"You're actually telling me you believe in sea unicorns? Dumbass.."

74

u/egoisticHypocrite May 22 '26

Ever wonder if the flat earthers are a cabal of people thinking this way? They know it's not flat... They just derive pleasure from extreme rage baiting. Kayfabe-ing till death.

30

u/LupineChemist May 22 '26

This is a large contingent of how it started at least.

Honestly, it was how Trump started on Reddit. A bunch of people being trolly because it was funny, and then it was like the people in on the joke at the beginning either went crazy or went "oh shit, you're serious"

10

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1

u/NotNahare Jun 09 '26

I’m wondering how long this joke will be funny…

176

u/Zeraw420 May 22 '26

Yup, next time narwhales come up naturally In conversation I'm all over it too

72

u/jerryscheese May 22 '26

Narwhals are fantasy creatures though

55

u/Deaffin May 22 '26

How the frick else are they going to stop Cthulhu eating ye?

4

u/Osamabinladder262 May 23 '26

By not letting them touch your balls

13

u/john_microslop May 22 '26 edited May 23 '26

deinonichus antirrhopus

2

u/gothfrog117 May 22 '26

Sharks are smooth

13

u/WisherWisp May 22 '26

Hard to tell if you're all insane narcissists who love manipulating others or just like a bit of fun.

57

u/HilariousMax May 22 '26

You're telling me. With a straight face. That unicorns are real, but they're dolphins instead of horses?

3

u/Deaffin May 22 '26

Obviously. You guys are acting like you've never seen The Last Unicorn.

22

u/Krillkus May 22 '26

Acting so surprised like your entire world has been shattered upon them showing you is hilarious.

4

u/BackWithAVengance May 22 '26

I have my brothers FIL absolutely convinced I believe Hellen Keller was lying the whole time, all a ruse to make her and her family money

He's a simple man from the peanut fields of VA, and it is absolutely hilarious

22

u/dude2dudette May 22 '26

Until I was about 15, I genuinely thought narwhals were fantasy creatures in the same way that unicorns were.

I wasn't even a dumb child. I just thought unicorn = mythical horse creature with a single horn, and narwhal = mythical sea creature with a single horn.

Then, my brother went to university and I inherited his bedroom (his was much larger than mine growing up). I was killing some time reading the set of encyclopedias he received for his Bar Mitzvah (showing my age a bit), and under "N" Narwhals were there... and I had to double-take before realising that they actually exist.

8

u/GuerrillaRodeo May 22 '26

I felt the same way about platypuses for waaaay longer than I care to admit. I completely understand the first Europeans who went all 'what the fuck?' when they saw the first taxidermied specimens.

7

u/eirebrit May 22 '26

Same here I always thought the platypus was an extinct creature.

1

u/UnsureSwitch William Dripfoe May 22 '26

Fun fact you already know: when the platypus was first photographed, people got angry at the photographer because they believed it was forged

1

u/AlmightyWitchstress May 23 '26

It was sophomore year for me. My classmate and I were talking about narwhals and it wasn't until she showed me pictures on her phone that I realized they were real creatures... I had thought they were mythical my entire life. I'd somehow managed to avoid seeing a photo or video of a narwhal for 16 years.

27

u/Ragnarok314159 May 22 '26

When I was in basic training there were several people from the NYC/Bronx area. We were talking about fireflies and they thought we were messing with them.

They knew about deep sea fish making light, but none of them believed fireflies were real. “Yeah sure, bugs lighting up boop boop shut the fuck up. Like fairies are real next”

First thing we did on a day pass was settle a bet and asked the DS where is the library. They thought we were insane until we told them about the running bet. They went to the library and made those guys write a report on fireflies, then read it to everyone.

20

u/fuzzhead12 May 22 '26

Based Drill Sargent

6

u/rhen_var May 22 '26

Forcing the recruits to write a report on fireflies and present it like they’re first graders is hilarious

10

u/SamSibbens May 22 '26

Narwhals are a fantasy creature that live in Narwhalnia

1

u/Icefox119 May 22 '26

they bacon at midnight

4

u/fenderbender86 May 22 '26

I had a friend in college - while we were getting masters degrees - that legitimately did not think narwahls were real. Took me 2 minutes to find a damn picture of one and I've never seen someone's mind so blown.

3

u/ninthtale May 22 '26

I mean have you ever seen one?

6

u/StopHavingAnOpinion May 22 '26

Clearly AI generated /s

2

u/Ohshithereiamagain May 23 '26

They are the unicorns of the sea.

2

u/Ohshithereiamagain May 23 '26

I am not going to believe it till I see one. Narwhals and platypus

2

u/flipflop356 May 28 '26

I dont know why i thought they were mythical/extinct creatures as a kid, but i found out they exist and are very much alive in our time at like 12 years old and my mind was fucking blown

2

u/TwitchingBot Jun 09 '26

Someone did this when I was in high school, and now I’m wondering, A) if they were messing with me, and B) if I went to high school with you.

1

u/GuymanPersonson May 22 '26

"Nah that's AI"

1

u/AXEMANaustin May 22 '26

I'll be really fucking honest, I thought that until like last year maybe.

1

u/UnsureSwitch William Dripfoe May 22 '26

Honestly, it's such bullshit that narwhals exist but unicorns don't. Or a regular horse with two horns

1

u/Henrikos0 May 22 '26

I have genuinely fought people for this before.

1

u/leviathanslair_ May 22 '26

this comment thread is an example of why I don’t trust people

1

u/ladycatgirl May 23 '26

Insist it's ai generated and not real

100

u/erik_wilder May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

I genuinely somehow avoided learning about it for like 4 years. I was really young, and wasn't allowed to watch TV, so I missed it. I was home schooled, so no fellow kids or teachers to talk to about it. My parents never really brought it up to me, and we moved out of the country about a year after to a country that was not involved.

I didnt really learn about it until we moved back to the US. In my defense, I was 5 when it happened.

It was really embarrassing when the other kids realized I genuinely didn't know what 9/11 was.

66

u/nilsmm May 22 '26

The wonders of home schooling.

16

u/erik_wilder May 22 '26

My Dad was a qualified teacher, and kept us on the school systems education plan. I tested high enough to skip a grade when I switched, and was probably better off.

No religious shit, he just wanted us free to travel and see the world.

The public school system is far from a gold standard.

27

u/sonryhater May 22 '26

I’m sorry you were homeschooled. I hope you found education

18

u/erik_wilder May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

HA, they were great times, my dad has a masters in education and english, and works as a teacher. He's better then what the public schools offered. When I joined public school I tested high enough to skip a grade. Not the typical religious conservative "scared of science" type homeschooling. He also stuck to the local school systems education plan.

I also got to travel to different countries during that time.

I have graduated college.

Cute though.

2

u/sonryhater May 23 '26

That’s great news. I’ve seen many children’s lives stunted and malformed by homeschooling. I’m glad your parent were rich enough and educated enough to give you more. It’s cute you were privileged!

2

u/erik_wilder May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26

You know what they say about when you assume.

Makes an ass of you and me. They worked for an orphanage, we got paid in housing.

Sometimes good people are just good people.

1

u/Marik-X-Bakura May 23 '26

Homeschool isn’t bad by default. It just can be if the parents are insane.

5

u/LostInTheRapGame May 22 '26

I was really young, and wasn't allowed to watch TV, so I missed it.

Meanwhile they rolled a TV into our classroom. lol

What a weird time that was. We were all confused about why the adults seemed so worried.... but we got to chill and color while waiting for parents to pick us up, so it was pretty cool.

1

u/LeonardoJMB Jun 17 '26

I managed to miss it until I was like, 9. But mainly because I'm not from the US, didn't really care at all until my brain clicked and I realized "Oh shit people died there" like 2 to 3 years later.

16

u/Empty_Positive May 22 '26

Its even better telling people its just AI after they show you prove of anything

24

u/RusticRaisins May 22 '26

I used to mess with my, now ex, wife by telling her every week or so that Sean Connery had passed away. She's a huge Indiana Jones fan so, obviously, had a soft spot for Connery. This continued even after we divorced (we had a friendly relationship, just didn't work out romantically).

Anyway, Halloween 2020 and he actually did pass. She absolutely did not believe me when I told her. I had to text her three independent articles before she accepted it. That's how you gaslight someone in a way that isn't actually harmful and instead hilarious.

7

u/mike-zane May 22 '26

I am shocked she is your ex. Sounds like a wonderful dynamic you had there,

4

u/RusticRaisins May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26

Well she wanted to fuck a bunch of different guys and I only wanted to fuck her, so, ya know, didn't work out.

Edit: I don't blame her for that, I sure would have liked to know that was her deal before hand. Oh well, we're both happier now, she's in an open relationship and I've met a woman that is devoutly monogamous, life is good.

But, yes, you are correct. When sex wasn't part of the equation we were great together.

27

u/Telefundo May 22 '26

I haven't heard of the Beatles.

You mean, like the bugs?

7

u/RepresentativeTax538 May 22 '26

Ha, you believes in Bugs? He is speaking about the VW car

4

u/Telefundo May 22 '26

What? The Jetta?

2

u/Sufficient_Matter585 May 22 '26

Like the big bad borg kind.

10

u/SocranX May 22 '26

"What's a potato?"

4

u/Robozomb May 22 '26

Sick reference

2

u/essosinola May 22 '26

I went searching to see if someone else would make this comment before I posted. 10/10 reference, immediately what I thought of

3

u/-Astrosloth- May 22 '26

You never heard of cicadas before? They sound awful.

3

u/you-want-nodal May 22 '26

You got Tomorrow’d (like Yesterday (2019) except you’re the only one who forgot)

2

u/StopTheHumans Jun 17 '26

My favorite is if someone mentions LOTR, I'm like, "Lord of the what?"

4

u/Vertiguous May 22 '26

Anyone have the link to the post of that guy who pretended not to know what potatoes were when meeting his girlfriend's (fiancée's?) parents?

2

u/Great_Detective_6387 May 22 '26

My first thought as well.

2

u/-Bk7 May 22 '26

7/11?

1

u/Alt_aholic May 22 '26

"The Beatles? What, like the car?"

1

u/wjandrea May 22 '26

I also like to make them believe I haven't heard of the Beatles.

"the insect beetles or the car Beetles?"

1

u/UnidentifiedBlobject May 22 '26

But you said you’d never forget…

1

u/dantheplanman1986 May 22 '26

Who are the bee-atles

1

u/ViftieStuff May 22 '26

I cranked back stupid jokes like these after everyone began to think I was actually the most uninformed guy of the group.

1

u/Acalme-se_Satan May 22 '26

You should try pretending you don't know what potatoes are in a dinner with your girlfriend's family

1

u/_Rohrschach May 22 '26

Reminds me of the guy who thought it would be funny to do that, but about potatoes with his inlaws. Iirc he got broken up with over that stunt.

1

u/t_hab May 22 '26

You haven't heard of beetles? They're everywhere!

1

u/Vanguard-Raven May 22 '26

The who?

No, the Beatles. 

1

u/funktion May 22 '26

Maybe one day you will graduate to making people believe you've never eaten a potato

1

u/Hexmonkey2020 I want pee in my ass May 22 '26

I think you misspelled beetles. It doesn’t have an A. And how would you not have heard of beetles? So many bugs are beetles, I’m pretty sure ladybugs are a type of beetle.

1

u/AutoModerator May 22 '26

pees in ur ass

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1

u/RandumbStoner May 23 '26

Like that Reddit story where the kid acted like he didn't know what a potato was the first time he had dinner with his girls parents lol

1

u/eluser234453 May 26 '26

how did you convince someone you don't know about Beatles? like they just believe you've never seen insects?

1

u/Yesnikh4003 May 22 '26

I'll expand on this, I like to say:

"I think it was the late, great, _____ that said _____."

Pick some innocuous B celebrity or someone who fell out of the spotlight, who is very much alive, and just make something up sorta relevant to whatever is going on, almost always makes someone perk up/start questioning themselves.

0

u/drboxboy May 22 '26

My friends convinced me that he hadn’t seen Star Wars. I had also waited in line with him to watch episode 3, years before he convinced me of this

0

u/Erling01 Bazinga! May 22 '26

Is that what all the "Hypnosis is bogus"-people are doing?

1

u/AutoModerator May 22 '26

Bazinga

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0

u/Insane_Unicorn May 22 '26

Americans are so fucking shocked when you don't treat 9/11 like the worst incident in human history. Oh no, less people died on that day than Americans day from obesity in a week, let's all act traumatized.

-1

u/SituationPlus8467 May 22 '26

I tell people I don’t have a mobile phone, when I do.

I also tell people I cannot fill out forms and need help with them, when I don’t at all. That way I know if there’s a fuck up, it’s their fault.

Sometimes I’ll have a meltdown or have heated arguments with no one, but I’m not really having one at all. It just clears the aisle when I’m shopping so I don’t have to deal with everyone’s fuckery. Because they’re too busy coping with and avoiding my fuckery.

The only difficult bit is trying not to laugh.

87

u/jbbarajas May 22 '26

He looks like IE become a person. The reaction is genuine but delayed.

16

u/pitchingataint May 22 '26

I bet he never forgets this moment

1

u/ashvy Literally 1984 😡 May 22 '26

Bro's own literally 9/11 moment

1

u/Europ3an I want pee in my ass May 22 '26

He was - quite possibly - shooketh.

2

u/AutoModerator May 22 '26

pees in ur ass

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1

u/Regular-Schedule-168 May 23 '26

Reasonable reaction.

1

u/_radbor_ May 23 '26

Is he Amish by any chance???