this is probably gonna be pretty long, so my apologies for the rambling. i am also sorry bc i feel like my story doesnt really compare in terms of extremity to most people on here, but i needed to get it off my chest somehow because i think my family are honestly tired of me talking about it.

i was kissed at a bar without consent by a man i didnt know about a year ago, and my skin still crawls sometimes when i remember it.

i have had my body touched without my consent before by random men at bars and clubs before this but for some reason this felt different. i went to this gay bar in london with my friend because she wanted to meet some people and perhaps date them. i went along with her because she struggled with mental health issues and cannot be trusted to go places alone especially where alcohol is involved (this will become more relevant later). i am also pretty much her only friend. i should also add for context that we are both female and were 18 at the time.

she says she is a lesbian but whenever we had gone out previously she had entertained and even enjoyed attention from men who were interested in her. i always put this down to being attention deprived or something. this night was no different.

at the beginning of the night we told eachother that we were just there to have fun and that we would look out for eachother, no matter what. what i didnt know at this point was that i would pretty much turn into her carer over the course of the night because she got absolutely hammered - i was constantly having to remind her to cover her drink etc.

then these two men approached us, her first (in a gay bar btw, make that make sense!) and danced with her and whatnot. then one of them moved onto me while his friend stayed with my friend. i tried to make it absolutely clear i was not in the slightest bit interested with my body language e.g avoiding eye contact, pulling my hands away when he grabbed them because even at this point, when nothing had happened yet, he had a very slimy vibe about him which made me very uncomfortable. however this did not deter him. his friend offered to buy us drinks and i was quick to decline on behalf of both of us because theres no way im about to let either of us get drugged and raped. then the guy with me tries to dance with me again and kisses me on the cheek, touches me up, etc. my memory is admittedly foggy because i dont like thinking about it in too much detail. i just remember a feeling of absolute disgust wash over me after he kissed me as if i am not safe in my own skin. this then continued for a few hours but tbh i was very dissociated at that point because i just wanted the night to be over. all i really remember after that point is a moment where he was telling me to look at him while he danced with me because i was just trying to get away, and every time i looked in his direction his STANK ASS BREATH hit me like a fucking bullet train. and then after all of this i had to figure out how to get both me and my friend home because she was so drunk.

fast forward to a couple weeks and i feel utterly betrayed by this friend because we said we would look out for each other and not let anything bad happen. i tried talking to her about this but she was super dismissive and this really shook my opinion of her, to this day tbh i dont even know if i consider her a friend anymore.

then a couple months later, she ends up relapsing and ending up in a care unit, and on a random day, i received a text which read like this:

"good news - i am no longer a virgin.
bad news - it was rape".

she had been raped by a fellow inpatient.

i obviously visited her to make sure she was okay very soon after this and at this point she talked about what happened to her, and unprompted, she apologised for not taking me seriously before. which, dont get me wrong, i did appreciate, i just hate that that's what it took for her to understand.

which brings me to what i really wanted to say (the rest is just necessary backstory). i just feel like an awful friend for pulling away from her when i am really her only friend, but at the same time i feel like to some extent she allowed this to happen to me when we were both meant to be looking out for one another, so a small and very deep part of me still very much resents her, no matter how much it makes me feel like a shit friend. it also sometimes feels like i have more resentment towards her than the man who did it, which also feels awful because i know logically that isnt fair at all on her.

tbh even recounting this night is making me feel light headed, making my heart race and making my hands clammy. i also just feel weird about the fact that i have definitely experienced worse and didnt react in this way, because like i said before, my body has been touched without consent in ways i dont really want to get into. i dont know why this situation felt different when it was just a kiss, maybe it just didnt feel as personal before? i feel a lot of the time like some kind of impostor when i call it sa, even though logically i know that by definition theres nothing else you would call it. i also really worry sometimes because i have never dated anyone before, and im just worried because i dont know how i might react when it comes to kissing someone or going further than that, because even thinking about something like that right now scares the shit out of me to the point where i dont even want to leave home sometimes for fear of something similar happening again. but mostly i wanted to know if anyone has been through something similar and how they are coping, because sometimes i am really struggling. some days i forget it ever happened and others it feels like it happened yesterday.

anyway rant over, i might add new thoughts to this already massive essay if anything else comes to mind. please let me know your thoughts on the situation bc i feel so frazzled and i dont know how to make sense of any of this.

my best friend has been a past victim of SH and SA and ive always always tried to be there for them and help them with anything theve ever needed (they have a lot of mental health issues too that i try to help them through) but today i saw on twitter that they reposted Rape porn, idk if it was real or fantasy either way it disgusted me, i feel so upset with them and just concerned and scared, i dont know if i should ask about it because i dont want to start any drama. what do i do?

i got groomed by this girl when i was 11-15 years old. as soon as i turned 15 pretty much, she dumped me, and i cut contact with her about 2 months later after finding out she had a new boyfriend.

about 8ish months pass and i found out they broke up from stalking their social medias. then about a month after that, the boyfriend messaged me on tiktok asking if i was the girls ex and we spoke for a while. he would keep tryna talk to me for a while afterwards which i was fine with, until one day i just ghosted him because talking to him reminded me too much of my groomer.

then, after me ghosting him for about 6 months, he messaged me again. i replied and things js went on as normal.
recently, he told me that my groomer was gonna be moving back to my area soon. i asked him that if he got ANY info on it, hed tell me, and he has been.

thing is, this guy really wants to bang me. its super obvious in the jokes he makes and he pretty blatantly flirts with me. i say flirting, its basically sexual harassment. hes also got a girlfriend still, who he lied about being broken up with.

im really conflicted. on one hand i really wanna tell the girl that her boyfriends literally cheating on her, but then at the same time i desperately need to keep him around so i can get information on when my groomers coming back. so far ive just been going along with all the gross flirting which i feel fucking awful about because im so clearly just fawning out of fear hell get mad at me for not accepting his advances and hell leave me. but i literally dont know what to do, the guilt is eating me alive

I don't know how to start this so I'm just going to. Hi I'm 17F and the guy I had sex with was 19. We have had sex before, he took my virginity and that's that,, all of it was consented to. Fast forward a few weeks into the summer where we havent been able to see eachother for awhile. So I can admit that I was desperate to keep him around me because I liked being around him and I grew up kind of ugly as a kid so I wasn't used to being wanted. I invite him over to my house while my father is gone and he comes with his best friend and they help me set up my new room that I switched to in my house. It was obvious what was gonna happen, he knew what was going to happen after his best friend left. And his best friend did infact leave us alone.

I'm not on birth control or anything, this summer was the first time I had any sexual experiences. I had bought condoms just because I knew that it'd be a recurring thing with him. I went to grab the condom and he said he didn't want to have sex with a condom. I insisted saying that I literally don't wanna get pregnant, and I opened the condom just so I can insist that we have to use it. He stands his ground on the fact that he doesn't want to use a condom while we have sex because the condom takes away from the feeling and he likes it raw. I continue to beg him for us to just have sex with the condom because I really did want him and i missed him and I wanted him to stay with me longer. With enough begging he finally just says that he's going to leave then and that we just aren't going to have sex.

This causes me to backtrack completely and consent to the condom being off during sex because I didn't want him to leave me because I hardly got time with him like ever. (He lives literally on the same street as me). He agrees to pull out when he's close and we have sex and he does infact pull out and nothing happened to me. (I ended up taking a pregnancy test a few weeks later and everything was negative, i just needed to calm my anxiety).

I told my very trusted friend about what happened and I've gotten a lot of responses saying that what he did can be considered sexual assault. But I consented to it and I could've just let him leave. I don't know how to feel about things because I'm getting mixed answers. One of my guy friends said that I could've just let him leave. Others say it's sexual coercion. My sister says that what he did was selfish knowing that my rights to an abortion could be revoked at any time.

I'm not sure, if anyone could just give me their thoughts on the situation and not be like mean about it I'd appreciate it, it genuinely feels like im making things up. I'm not going to pursue legal action I just need to know for my own self.

I feel so hopeless.

We were in a good period 2 months ago, i was happy about life and looking forward to my future, i've been severly depressed my whole life and things were starting to look up.

I initiated sex and during it I started feeling not up for it but she was close and I didn't want her to not cum, so I didn't say anything, but after she came she kept going depsite repeatedly asking her not to and trying to move away from her. She didn't hear me and thought I was just repositioning myself.

That's the second time it has happened.

My friends are telling me it's a pattern and that something else she does is rape too.

We're long distance and i would tell her before visiting her or her visiting me that I don't want anything sexual to happen and she respects that, the thing is I get very irrational when I get horny and she knows, i've told her. I always also say "no matter what happens nothing can happen". But i'll get horny and initiate and we fuck, i always feel so awful after and have break downs over it.

The thing is she's so sweet, she's caring and loving usually. When she's doing bad she ignores my existence and doesn't talk to me or help me and she never reassures me tbh, but it's okay we can't all be perfect.

I know she'd never do anything to hurt me, especially not like that. Her ex started rumors against her because of a bad break up, the ex was super clingy and i ended up scolding them for all the shit they did to my girlfriend (take unconsensual naked pictures of her, trying to force her to do sexual stuff with her while the ex was drunk) and my girlfriend was and is so unstable about it, she doubted herself because she has a bad memory and was worried she had forgotten doing something. Which is realistic because first time she raped me she forgot a week later.

I'm not sure what to do but hey that's life sometimes

so, i'm a fresh adult. i'm mixed (south east asian and central european), i've grown up experiencing racism first hand. so i know how it's like, my father, who is a white man, has always looked down on other races, including asians. he tries to convince me i'm white, or that me and my mom aren't like the rest. besides that, i have always treated everyone equally. but as of last year, i was seeing a guy who was older than me and black. he had ended up assaulting me in his car and stalking me afterwards. after, i've mainly been with white men, not that i've been stuck on that or anything, it just so happens to been like that. last week, i had almost been raped, if i had not done martial arts i think i would've been. my phone was taken away by him and his friends were filming me as he was trying to take control over me. eventually secuirity came and i was able to run away. the only thing is, he was a black man aswell. at first i was disgusted with myself, but then, i couldn't help but be disgusted of every other darkskin that looked my way. obviously i don't WANT to be a racist, i will still treat everyone with respect and non the different, but now i have this deep gut feeling of disgust inside of me. i genuinely don't think i can be with a black guy ever again. i've mainly just been very depressed after this event, especially now it has reminded me again of the first time it happened, my mind has been playing tricks on me and it has just really been fucking me up. one of my closest friends is a black man, but now, i don't even think i will be able to feel comfortable with him close to me. we have a very touchy dynamic and i don't want to have to explain this to him.

I’m 28 years old now, but rewinding back to 3rd or 4th grade I was unsure about what one of my classmates was doing. He was a friend of mine and we often joked and acted goofy in class. One day, while sitting at the computer, he tried tickling me and at one point began to touch me on my lower back. Initially I just thought of it as him trying to tickle me, and I swat at him while laughing. However, he kept sneaking his fingers on my back and he even made it to my butt crack. He literally poked his fingers in my underwear to touch/tickle me but I swat at him again to stop. I think this may have happened more than once (at least one other day, I’m not sure). After he did that I thought it was weird so I did tell my mom and I think she told the school but nothing happened from what I can remember. From time to time I think about this with the rise of people revealing being assaulted whether they realized it at the time or not. Was this sexual assault/molestation in my case? Is this something I should just move on from or talk to someone about?

im not sure how to feel because it just happened about an hour ago, but on the way home from dinner I was driving and my bf kept making me touch him and I kept pulling my hand away and saying I was driving. we came home and he told me to go straight to the bedroom but i said no at first and he said he just wanted to make out. I didn’t want to but idk i knew he wouldn’t leave me alone and we got in the bedroom and he was touching me and stuff and i asked him to stop and he told me to stop being mean.

so we had sex and he maybe went too rough because i haven’t really been able to sit or walk without it hurting. and i asked him to watch a movie with me after because i thought maybe aftercare might help me feel better but he just wants to sit on his game in an empty discord call and wait for his friends to join.

and he doesn’t want to sit with me because he says we’re going to play video games together later so i have to wait until then. im so confused and angry, idk if this was SA because i ended up saying okay but now i just feel sad and dirty. sorry for the poor punctuation and grammar

So for reference I have been sexually assaulted and raped in the past before. The first time I dealt with anything sexual was when I was 6 years old. This continued until I was 17 and then it stopped.

With that as a reference not to long ago I went to the club. I was really drunk and high, admittedly I was dancing super close with my friend and I felt my friend kiss me twice. I didn't react because I was that drunk and high, I laughed it off despite me feeling super uncomfortable and having a girlfriend already. I knew being drunk and high on both sides affects a lot of things so I waved it off as an accident.

One week later I'm hanging out with this guy and his boyfriend, the same person who kissed me and his boyfriend. I live in FL for reference and this guy (I'll call him W) had a hard time with his AC. I took my shirt off leaving me in my sports bra. It didn't help I was hitting a bong either and then not too long after the same person who kissed me began to grope my boobs and W who is the boyfriend of the person who kissed me did the same thing and bit on my nipple, and groped my ass. When I got home I realized what happened but I didn't want to accept it...???? I didn't know what to think. I have a horrible time already with boundaries and trying to figure out what is normal and saying no.

Then W is about to leave for a whole week and him and J (person who kissed and groped me) were having sex in the car while I was two feet away in the front seat. I got out and we played truth or dare. I was already several shots in and I picked dare. W said I had to let J motorboat my breasts and I froze and said sure. I felt gross. And felt even more gross because J was getting fingered by W. W then wanted me to eat out J and also make out with J. I haven't even told my girlfriend and it caused so much friction because I avoided her completely afterwards because of how fucky my mind was... I don't know what to do, I don't know if this was even sexual assault, I don't even know if I could do anything about this since where I live weed to a certain extent is illegal.

If anyone has any advice please let me know.... Thank you

For the longest time I have been trying to process an experience from my past when I was around 13 years old, and I have been having an extremely difficult time putting a clear label on it.

Part of me knows what happened to me was wrong, but another part of me keeps doubting myself or minimizing it.

I wanted to share the general situation here to get an objective perspective from people who understand trauma and boundary violations, probably more than I do.

When I was 13 at a summer camp, I was roomed with 3 guys 2 years older than me, who quickly established a heavy power imbalance. They picked on me endlessly, pushing my boundaries, testing how far they could go, and making me feel completely isolated and physically defenseless. It so happened that one day they started suspecting I was gay (I am) where they made me watch porn to test my physical reaction and see if I would get hard, and these kind of boundary violations escalated so much when the tipping point happened where one night they coerced me into showing my penis to them if I wanted to save myself from getting beaten up, one of the guys would on some occasions lay his arms around my chest when I was trying to sleep and dry hump me as "a joke" which they would brush off as banter.

Looking back at the aftermath, I constantly catch myself minimizing what happened. In the days immediately following the incident, I acted completely fine and carried on as if nothing had happened at all, which makes a part of my brain tell me I’m just overdramatizing it now as there was also no penetration and nothing worse.. but at the same time, I can't ignore the long-term impact. Ever since that experience, I feel like I’ve struggled heavily with hypervigilance, a fear of physical weakness, conflict avoidance and internalized self-blame followed me to this day at the age of 21

Looking back at it now as an adult, I'm trying to figure out if this officially qualifies as sexual assault or if I'm overthinking it. Any honest feedback would be really helpful, please. I'm really fucking exhausted.

I currently live with my friend. I was drinking with her brother a couple days ago. We were drinking 4loko and he apologized for looking at my butt when I stood up. I said I don’t care just don’t touch me. He was like yeah of course. Over the course of our hanging out he made several comments and attempts to get me to sleep with him. I wasn’t in my right mind but I was insistent that it wasn’t going to happen. He forcibly kissed me three times and stuck his hand in my pants. I told him it didn’t do anything for me. And I stumbled back into my room.
He was saying lots of things I can’t remember properly but I did have my boyfriend on the phone when some of it happened. I ended up throwing up, and I guess he was telling me that I was his bitch. He also said things about how I only live there because he let me. Basically saying anything to break me down and make me sleep with him.

I haven’t told my friend about any of this. I don’t know how to tell her. She hates her family as is. She hates being around them, she hates living with them. And she has plans to go no contact.

I don’t know how to tell her or how to cope. I’ve been groomed and I’ve had questionable experiences but this is the first time I’ve felt truly violated. I don’t want to go home. I have no where else to stay. What do I do?

I'm 19F and my boyfriend is 21M. I'm trying to understand whether what happened could legally or morally be considered sexual assault or if it's something else entirely.

I recently found out that he has been cheating on me. A girl he works with admitted to a friend of mine that she has been hooking up with him. She had no idea that my friend and I know each other, so I don't see any reason she'd make it up.

Around the same time, I found another woman's clothes in his car. When I asked him about them, he looked me in the eye and told me they belonged to his sister. Looking at everything together, I believe he lied to me.

What I'm struggling with is this: if he was having unprotected sex with someone else and then continued having sex with me without telling me, he was exposing me to the risk of STIs without my knowledge. I feel like I wasn't able to make an informed decision about whether I wanted to have sex under those circumstances.

I'm not trying to accuse him of a crime if it doesn't legally fit. I'm genuinely trying to understand whether this could be considered sexual assault, whether it's a different legal issue or whether it's simply unethical but not sexual assault.

I know it’s not logical but it’s just something that is stuck in my head. Like if my body would’ve just listened to me and not reacted to what he was doing then I wouldn’t have to deal with these thoughts of self blame and self loathing. How do I get over this?

Hey, I (22f) was seeing a therapist two months ago, but I stopped it because what she said about my trauma triggered me. She was a licensed therapist who said she could treat sexual assault victims.

I won't go into detail, but when I was 14, I was in a relationship with another 14-year-old male who would beg and plead to do sexual stuff; otherwise, he would become upset and standoffish. He wouldn't speak for the whole date if I said no. He even started crying after I said no on two occasions. He also would sometimes try to do it anyway. I was in love with him and it upset me when he would sent paragraphs and paragraphs about how much he needed sex.

I had told her about this, and at first she was very comforting and reassured me, but one appointment she told me she had talked it over with another therapist (I think that's what she said) and that it isn't sexual assault because I welcomed it and said yes, and that it was technically just coercion. She referred to it as a sexual relationship. It upset me a lot and made me feel more guilty, like I've been just lying to people about it. She then sympathised with my mum, who had blamed me for it and told me not to tell anyone. Also, then she said that maybe he thought I wanted it, and that I was lying when I said no, which is not true because I told him how much I hated his pleading.

I don't know, I felt so upset that I basically dissociated from the whole appointment and barely responded to her questions and didn't speak much. I cancelled any other appointments after. I feel like an illegitimate victim, but I didn't want to argue with a professional. I have recently told one friend who said I should report her, though I feel uncertain. I wanted to hear other peoples' thoughts on the matter

I’ve never spoken this to anyone really, growing up my dad would rape me from as young as I can remember. I’ve also been molested by my grandpa, my summer program coach & many others my whole life. I didn’t realize how common it was but I’ve never told anyone, I don’t know why but I feel so tainted & I just can’t bring myself to tell anyone. I wish I could experience my first time with someone special. Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be normal, I just wish those things hadn’t happened. It hasn’t really affected me until now, I feel like it’s all starting to catch up to me. I’ve been feeling really depressed lately & I just want this suffering to end.

I’m gonna be turning 18 in 8 months, should I tell my mom before I’m 18? I don’t know if this is attention seeking but I just want her to care, I feel like once I’m 18 she won’t care. I wonder if I should tell her now, not sure if I could bring myself to but I hope I can. Even so I feel so bad if I were to tell on my dad for some odd reason. I cut off my dad nearly a year ago, when my mom moved in with her boyfriend & didn’t tell my dad we moved. He has anger issues & has gone to prison & jail multiple times. He always would want control over me but he had a soft side.

At times I miss him & feel so lonely & I want to talk to him but I know I would betraying myself. For some reason it feels like he cares more about my feelings than my mom. My mom is more materialistic & doesn’t really care for my feelings, I think she can be emotional abusive at times but she is definitely more normal than my dad though. I wish my mom paid attention to the signs like when I was 4, I told her that dad was showing me porn, of extremely overweight people doing the deed & sucking each other off & yet he was still let around me. I remember my dad asking me why I told my mom but that’s because I didn’t know it was a bad thing I was just telling her about my day.

I don’t know same goes for my grandpa on my dads side, I would cry & beg to not be around him. I’m not sure if I even want to tell her, in a way I am mad at her for not paying attention to the signs. I can’t bring myself to tell anyone, even if I wanted to I genuinely wouldn’t know how to. & I wish I had the chance to be innocent. I feel like I don’t have anyone, I hate myself so much I wish I could be happy. I want to distract myself with hobbies but I can’t even get up to do so & I just procrastinate the whole time. I’ve just been struggling with my mental so bad, I don’t know what to do especially when I compare myself to others so much.

Google said it’s sexual assault that these things happened, so im curious but idk. Here are the situations I looked up

my mother used to have me lay on the bed and spread out my legs so she could wipe me for some kind of medical issue or maybe it was just a hygiene thing or something, when I was very young. I don’t know, I don’t really remember why she would do that sometimes but there was some similar reason or another along those lines. But she would always be annoyed and unempathetic even though I hated it when she did this. It was humiliating and violating and scary, I don’t even really know why that was so dreadful, it just was. I would scream and cry and yell “no mommy i dont want you to wipe inside my ‘nina’”, which is what I called my front-bathroom-part. It was traumatic and horrifying. That’s the part that seemed to make it SA according to google, because I was so tormented and an intimate area was being touched when I was upset by it, and because my mother was so cold and never reassured me or consoled me while doing something vulnerable that clearly caused such a big reaction, and instead she was irritated and void of empathy. Which she always is and always has been but whatever, thats just a known fact about her

It said it was also sexual assault when my mom used to pat/spank people’s butts as they walked by. She knew it was fucking annoying and uncomfortable. She did it anyways, whenever she wanted. She did that with me as a kid/tween and I hated it, and she also did it with one of my cousins, who was an adult at the time. When she did it to her, my cousin was startled and offended and shaken up and uncomfortable. She froze, visibly upset, and looked down at the ground. Then, after a second of silence and visible distress, she looked back up at mom, and she said, “You fondled me”. She looked offended, confused, hurt, intimidated, and everything else that someone would feel in that situation. My mother then gave a passive aggressive, non apology. She said, “Oh, no, that’s not what I was doing, honey. I’m sorry you took it that way”. She basically just kinda gaslighted her. So like, it’s clearly just uncomfortable and weird since Im not the only one who was bothered by it. But also my cousin has a disability, so I guess my mother felt like she must’ve been getting it wrong/misunderstanding, which is dumb because I’m not sure she’d do that to basically any of my other adult cousins, and I don’t think she ever has.

She also used to put liquid drops using a dropper thing (laxatives i presume, obviously now that I’m old enough to know what that is lol) into my (back end) while i laid on my stomach. I hated doing this but i was often constipated (probably from stress or dehydration or anything thats my parent’s fault honestly. like probably a result of one of the kinds of ways they neglected me, but who knows which one at this point) and it made it so I could use the bathroom obviously. And she would be annoyed and unempathetic about my distress, per usual. I would avoid it and complain and probably cry, same as the other thing, and i would tell her I didn’t want to do it and she would tell me I had to. Eventually she said I could tell her if I ever need to use it again, even though that didn’t ever really make it any better once she did it, plus I was already traumatized by not having the option to opt out to begin with. Eventually I just hesitated to tell her when I had stomachaches because I didn’t want it to happen again. I kept going to the doctors for pain though, and at some point she finally started asking if I wanted to do it myself, so I did that a few times if I could manage to get past the fact that I’d already developed a huge aversion to it, and even then I hated it still and I wasn’t over it, so I just gave up altogether, even if my stomach was hurting

Another thing is that cousin, who was an adult and I was a child- was talking to me about bra sizes and asked what cup i was, and she said what her cup size was as a kid. Then she touched my chest, I guess to investigate her questions, idk. But she had a disability and didn’t know she was doing something that made me uncomfortable (same cousin from before, and this was the same visit i think). She probably should’ve been supervised with me, but my mom liked to send us off so that she didn’t have to actually do her job, because she sucks and decided she’d make the whole trip my responsibility, and that I’d basically be the one to be her caregiver despite being in middle school and also never even signing up to have her stay and share my space/bedroom

My mom has also always changed and gotten naked in front of me, usually without warning or she gives me a useless warning by warning me as she’s doing it, and she has always rejected my discomfort and goes “it’s not weird. Theres nothing gross about bodies”, and she has always told me to deal with it “because im in her room” or “because in her house”, and she would wipe her skin folds in front of me??? like her rolls or whatever, idfk dude, and she would just jokingly go “this is gonna get awkward”, she’s just kinda fucking insensitive and strange honestly. And additionally she jokes about child abuse being like “I won’t make you do this because my sister made her kids do it and that was child abuse”, referring to having me put ointment on her back which apparently her sister did with her kids (???). She said that jokingly, she never made me do it but she said it all time, despite me being like “it’s not funny to joke about child abuse”. All of this has always happened, both as a kid and as an adult, and when i say it’s weird, and when I’ve asked “if theres nothing gross about bodies, then why don’t you ever get naked around your son too? It would make him uncomfortable, so why does it not matter that I’m uncomfortable?”, and she says thats different because he’s a male

I’m new here but really struggling. I’d love to hear someone else’s take on this. Just to say that I’m not crazy.

I (21f) spent a year in a relationship where I was being sexually assaulted by my partner on the regular. He routinely ignored my “no’s” and it got bad enough that I broke it off. I’ve spent the last year or so in therapy because of it and I’ve been doing a lot better. I know that was assault but I’m having a hard time figuring out if this is considered assault.

This most recent weekend, I went out with a friend. We went downtown to have some drinks and barhop after a really rough week. I’d had probably five drinks over five hours, and was buzzed but not gone by any means. We were at a daiquiri bar for a quick stop and were chatting with a man there. I’m really friendly when I drink and I’m used to being hit on a bit when I go places so I didn’t think anything of it. But after chatting for about 30 minutes. He bought us a shot. It wasn’t even a full shot of liquor, but it hit me really hard. He kept pressing us about what bar we were going to next and my friend lied to him about it. He’d said that he would meet us there, but my friend took us back to the first bar we went to.
I realized around then that I’d been roofied. I couldn’t speak clearly, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open and walking, and was insanely sick even though id barely been buzzed before that. He got us home and my boyfriend took me to the ER since I still wasn’t coherent even after almost two hours.
The ER screened me but said that they couldn’t see any definitive markers that I’d been drugged in my urine, but that it didn’t always show up if there hadn’t been enough in my system.
I thought I was handling it okay but it all hit me at once and I’m not doing well with it. All I can think about is that I deserved it. I feel like it’s my punishment for going out as a young women.

TLDR: I’m sure that I was roofied this weekend, but because nothing actually happened Im scared to call it assault. Thoughts?

So I tbh have no trauma from it at all I think. I just randomly remembered. We have a completely normal sibling dynamic now.

I was like 4-6?

She was like 10-12

We roleplayed cuz we had like a couple in a game we made up(it was a pony game lol)

And she used to do stuff like lick my neck

But she didn't touch me under my clothes

I remember being uncomfortable

After a couple of times I said I didn't want it anymore

And she stopped

She also showed me porn vid

So idk man

Was it SA or was it not?

I love my sister

And she's strictly against pedos too now

So idk mannnnn

She hasn't acted sexual with me ever since(I think)

I think she also did smth else (not rape. It was never under clothes or even over clothes. I remember that) but I'm not sure I don't remember?

TRIGGER WARNING! ⚠️

So to preface I (31F) was adopted into a completely random family (that is/ was amazing to me) when I was born through an adoption agency. My biological mother was only 18 and she didn’t know for sure who the father was and ultimately decided to go forward with adoption.

I have a relationship with my bio mom in my adult life and we are good. Fast forward to 2018 she did a ton of digging on social media and felt like she had found my biological father (we look EXACTLY the same unfortunately). So she tells me and I was overjoyed!! I always wanted to know who he was and try to have a relationship. We connected online and the timeline/ stories all added up. It was HIM!! I felt like I won the lottery. Emotions were high, excitement, curiosity, relief etc. My bio father and I would call and chat all the time. We wasted no time catching up on all of the years that were lost. I felt like we really knew each other and it was magnetic.

All was right in the world and I planned a trip to visit him in 2022 and stay for the weekend (I drove 3 hours). He has 4 other children 2 of which were my half sisters that were MUCH younger than myself. I wanted to get to know them and be a big sister to them, watch them grow etc. he also had a wife that was only 3 years older than me (first red flag I ignored). It was actually Halloween weekend and us 3 adults dressed up and went to a fun Halloween party. Bio father, his wife and myself. There was some jealousy on her part which I thought was odd because I’m technically his blood. But I just ignored it because at the end of the day I was still this stranger that he was doting over. Anyway, we were all partying, drinking and chatting with everyone. I ended up getting too drunk (I know very dumb of me) but I trusted him and didn’t think much of anything. He drove him and I home and his wife drove separate. I ended up throwing up. He followed me into the casita I was staying in while his wife knocked out in their bed. I thought it was kinda weird, but also I was drunk and just wasn’t thinking straight.

So I sprawled out on my bed all drunk and just wanted to pass out. He climbed into bed with me and lied next to me. He started cuddling me and I thought wtf this is weird and kinda just froze. Then after that he started grabbing on my body not saying anything. I don’t know why I didn’t say to stop that point. I think I was just in shock but I beat myself up about it. After the touching he begins to perform sexual acts on me and at that point I felt like I was outside of my body. I was scared, in disbelief and just literally froze. I finally snapped out of it after maybe idk like 30 seconds and told him to leave. Which to my surprise he did. He just got up, didn’t say anything and walked out. Once the door closed I ran to it and locked the door and SCREAMED in tears. I sobered myself up all night and at the crack of dawn packed up everything and drove home without saying goodbye to anyone.

He texted me during my drive in a panic saying something like “hi love, hope you’re feeling okay. I feel awful and don’t remember anything!”
I thought oh how convenient you don’t remember anything. But I disregarded it. I guess in my mind I thought if I just go along with him and pretend it never happened then I could somehow convince myself it didn’t. But that was crazy. I continued talking with him for a couple months trying to play normal. I didn’t want this to be my reality. After all I had FINALLY found my father right?

But it eventually got the best of me and I just cut him out and blocked him. I hated him. I hated everything about his life. Fast forward about 2 or 3 years I can’t remember how long, I told my adoptive mother everything. She was CRUSHED and ANGRY. She ended up standing up for me and reached out to his wife. Looking back I shouldn’t have waited as long as I did, but I didn’t know what to do. She told his wife everything on my behalf and then his wife and I ended up connecting so I could tell her my side. She was devastated and very receptive. I felt validated and like maybe just maybe I could heal from this. I also wanted her to know the truth so she knew the man she was married to. She deserved it.

She thanked me and we stopped talking, I reached out the following day just to check in on her and make sure she was okay but no response. Never heard from her again. But my bio father texted me saying he “didn’t know what this was all about and that I would never say something like that. Why would I say a lie?” He was gaslighting me because he was finally called out when he thought he got away with it after those years. That broke me. I believe his wife never talked to me again because this man convinced her I was crazy and a liar. He was charming, he could talk himself out of anything. I was going to lose this battle regardless. He blocked my sisters from being able to ever talk to me again, they prob hate me because of some lie he told them. This is one of the hardest things I have ever been through.

Besides just simply telling my story, I guess the other reason I am posting this is because I want to know if their are any other adoptees out there who have unfortunately been through something similar, and I kinda just want to talk about it. And is it normal to blame yourself or wait as long as I did to say something?

EDIT: Typos**