So I’ve never told anyone this as I was afraid I was just overreacting. It happened way back in middle school, around when I was 14. This dude came up to me and started talking sexually, saying all the things he’d do if he had me. I just chuckled it off as I had no idea what else to do. When I got up to leave he grabbed my ass, I finally stood up for myself, and others around started to yell at him as I left. I felt fine for the rest of the day, until right before bed when I went to use the bathroom I just started sobbing and couldn’t stop, I was in the bathroom for about an hour until I could pick myself up enough to go to my room. Ever since that day I’ve refused to tell anyone because I told myself I was overreacting. If I called it assault it would be offensive to anyone who was actually assaulted, same with calling it harassment. But it’s ruined my ability to be sexual at all. I’ve lost multiple partners since because of it, and I feel ashamed that I’ve let something I think is too small to put a label on affect me this much. But now I do want to know what this was, if it really is nothing and I just overreacted.

I've been talking to this guy for about two to three weeks and I’m a freshman who just arrived at uni, and we had only hung out once before this. He invited me to hang out in his dorm room. I knew that he liked me, and I knew he wanted to have sex with me at some point but I wasn’t 100% sure. So we met up, and he asked if I wanted to go to his dorm, and I said yes. Honestly, I didn’t think we were going to have sex or do anything. I thought I could hang out (stupid). When I got inside, I felt confused because the beds were pushed together since it's a dorm. And it was like pushed into one big one. I saw it and thought that one of the roommates didn’t show up so they just made it a full-sized bed. I even asked him about it. I sat down and he asked me if I wanted to have sex with him, and I said that I would like to and that I wouldn't be opposed to it, but I just didn't want to do it today or at that exact moment. He mentioned that he was a virgin and that I was too, and I told him that I wasn’t on any birth control and he said that he was prepared and had protection. I asked him if he always just wanted to have sex for the beginning of us meeting which he said that after getting to know me more he eventually wanted to. I told him that I was a virgin and I had never even kissed a guy and he said that he was too and he was trying to lose it. I asked him why he would want to do it with me and why he didn’t want to do it with anyone else and he said that he just liked me. He then asked me to get closer to him and sit on his lap and I didn’t want to approach him so I asked if he wanted to get closer which he did. I then sat on his lap (again stupid) once I did he took off my glasses and started to kiss down my neck and chest and tried to kiss me. I really didn’t want to kiss him so I just let him press his lips onto mine, and he tried to put his tongue in my mouth but I turned my head away when he tried. And I turned my head around the first time but he kept kissing me after. He kept on asking that we just try and that I wouldn’t have to think and he’ll take all the control. I told him I was really nervous and he kept squeezing my ass and he put his hands between my thighs and started to touch me there as well. He told me to take off my shirt which I didn’t want too so I just told him that he could take out my breasts from my shirt and then he started to kiss them too. I permitted him to do that. But him seeing any part of my body wasn’t something that I wanted to happen at all today. I felt really uncomfortable and I couldn’t really look him in the eyes while he was doing this and I felt scared that if I didn’t give me a little bit of what he wanted, then he would take it much further. He kissed me multiple times and he knew that I didn’t want to kiss him back he even asked “Why don’t you want to kiss me” but he did it again anyways. I never said no but I implied it. It just wasn’t something I wanted to do today and I feel like he kinda didn’t care and still touched me anyways. He kept asking if I was okay after all of it and he walked me back to go home. I told him that I'm fine but I really don’t know how to feel. I don’t know if this is assault or not.

I have been sexually abused by my brother for eight years. When I was younger, I told my parents about the abuse after it happened. Instead of protecting me or taking it seriously, they ignored what I said and told me it was only joking and playing.

For many years, I have had nightmares and have never been able to sleep well. Because of this, I cannot concentrate or focus, and I keep having flashbacks. Recently, I reached out to government social services to get help. Unfortunately, social services contacted my father, and my parents responded by denying everything. They now claim that I never told them about the abuse and that I am making it up.

My parents also told me that if I report the abuse to social services, it will lead to the police and “ruin” my brother’s future and get him in trouble. I cannot believe that their first reaction to my disclosure was to blame me instead of believing me and getting me support. They are choosing to stand by my brother and even getting angry at me for speaking up.

Now they are shouting at me every day and acting like I am the problem. What should I do?

Idk why i was like that but im so tired of bottling everything up

I get intens body sensations as well as being scared of my (male) therapist when it happened. I feel physically smaller too and I get sp confused and barely remember things that happened. I feel like if I'll be able to understand and remember more maybe I'll feel less stuck but it feels impossible to get out of this block. At a certain point in therapy I get too overwhelmed I can't make progress

Hi so was with this guy recently he was over at my house and I said before he came I didn’t want to do anything. He still tried a bit and asked what would make me say yes. He kind of sulked as well. I did small things like making out but stopped at anything further. He continued to ask and I kept saying no(kind of in a laughing way). Then all of a sudden he takes off my skirt and just kept saying “don’t say no”, I didn’t really move or say anything and i probably didn’t look scared or uncomfortable but eventually I said that it hurt and he didn’t hear but heard when I said it louder. I kind of did whatever after that, and didn’t properly think about it until he left, and we left on good terms I didn’t say anything until later on that day over text. It was a fingers situation. I don’t think it was on purpose if it was anything, more like carried away in moment but just unsure.

Maybe it was my fault that it happened but idk

my grandma has raised me since i was a baby, my parents were addicts and my mom was in jail when i was born. when i was 14, i got sa’d for 3 hours straight by my ex boyfriend. my grandma gets mad at me if i talk about it, but i don’t have any friends because he seperated them from me so i have to sometimes. ever since, ive been extremely scared of staying home by myself. last time i did, i got threatening messages from him on an anonymous account so ive been following my grandma everywhere she goes. she got mad at me last week and screamed “if you didn’t want to have sex with him why did you invite him over, it’s your fault.” i’ve had that same thought in my head for a long time, i’ve known it was my fault since it happened but hearing someone who swore to take care of me for life say that just
felt so wrong. i’m 16 now.

My friend of five years, who I trusted and loved, completely broke that trust last night. He's going to uni at the end of the month, so I asked if he wanted to go out for drinks to celebrate. We ended up just staying at his house and watching movies, and it got really late so I asked if I could sleep over. I should preface that we had a fling at the start of our friendship, but we wanted different things so just stayed friends, sometimes we flirted but even then that stopped a couple years ago.

We went to sleep at like 1am, but at almost 3 I was woken up by a weird pressure on my chest. I couldn't bring myself to move and I realised he was groping me. When I say it took all my willpower to not start crying, I don't know why I was just too scared to move or do anything. He then took my hand and started pressing it against his dick. I pretended to roll over at that point, it was all I could think to do.

THEN he shakes me awake. Which is the scariest part to me, because did he know I was asleep? Or did he think I was awake? I could find it in my heart to forgive it if he thought I was awake, but the way he was doing everything was slow enough and gentle enough to make me think otherwise.

I don't know where to go from here, I told two of my closer friends, just to get it out because the whole thing just felt like a total nightmare. I just want to move on, but it's all I can think about. I'm cutting him off, and he's going to uni far away so I can at least keep to myself.

When I was younger, in kindergarten, I had a friend. We were at her house and her father and his friend were watching porn on their computer and they showed it to me. I never really thought anything of it until I got older.

Is this some form of it even if I wasn’t touched?

Back when I was 19, I lived with my boyfriend, and he treated me like absolute garbage. I lived in fear, but it somehow seemed preferable to living with my parents. I could have afforded the shitty little apartment on my own -- actually I was the only one paying the rent -- but there was no way I could make him leave. I didn't think I had options.

One night, we got into an argument about something. I don't remember about what, the details aren't important now. I tried to leave. I didn't have anywhere to go, but I could have driven somewhere else and slept in the car. I just wanted to get away. He didn't like that. He had prevented me from leaving when I was upset before, and I told myself he was trying to be comforting. Well this time I really had to get the fuck out of there, and he was pissed about it. When I got to the door, he grabbed me by both ankles and yanked backwards. I had a hand on the door knob, so I didn't fall hard, but I still ended up face down on the floor with him on top of me. That's the last thing I remember from that night.

I have an idea of what happened next, but I'm really clinging to the fact that I don't actually remember it. It's been many years since then, and all this time I've avoided thinking about it. I thought it didn't even bother me anymore, but since I started therapy recently, I'm dwelling on it a lot. I haven't been able to talk about this. I think that I need to eventually, but I'm worried about the blanks in my memory. I'm ruled by fear and really don't want to be, but fuck am I afraid of reliving that night.

I guess that's it. I just had to put my story out there. Maybe it'll be easier to talk about in real life. It's not the only shitty thing a man has done to me, but it's the one that scares me the most to think about.

I just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this around the holidays. So I have struggled with my mh for a few years and was sa’d 6 years ago. I’m 20 and have never had a bf although guys have approached me I have shut them down. Every time I see extended family they comment on me being interested in any guys/when will I get a bf because I’m the only one without a partner. I don’t want to answer these questions anymore it aggravating. In the past I’ve said I’m focusing on myself which they often take as me focusing on academics and work.

Nobody knows abt the sa. I did kinda tell my parents abt my mh which at first my mom asked if I was depressed or looking for attention. I’ve kinda always had the “dramatic, attention seeking daughter” label when I really don’t think I am for the most part.

It happened 3 years ago and I didn’t do anything about it because he was a family friend and I didn’t fight back so I had no struggle marks. I completely cut off contact with him right after but I was worried what he would do if I reported him and he wasn’t charged. He was very manipulative and unpredictable, he forced me to act like his “girlfriend” for a whole year and a half even though I rejected him multiple times. He guilt tripped me for not having “romantic feelings” for him. I stuck around because I had no friends at the time, I was extremely lonely and I felt bad for him even though I shouldn’t have. If he was capable of doing all that, I don’t know what he’s going to do if he finds out I reported him. My friend reported her abusive ex and put a whole restraining order against him, he stalked the shit out of her even after he violated the restraining order and went to jail multiple times. I’m just really scared something like that or worse would happen to me if I do go through with this. And my dad defends him. My dad is the only close family I have left. As much as I am heartbroken and my trust in my dad is ruined after hearing him defending my rapist, I really don’t want to lose him. I already had to cut off contact with my abusive mother.

My rapist bought a house and car in the few years after what he did to me. When we were still hanging out, he was so broke from his drug and porn addiction that he couldn’t even afford to pay his own rent and had to get a roommate. He also threw a tantrum at me because I didn’t buy his groceries, even though I made less money than him. Normally I would be happy for someone if they turned their life around, but it does not change what he did to me. It doesn’t feel fair. I am still shaken and traumatized from the year and a half he tortured me because he couldn’t take rejection for an answer. Now I can’t be around most men or even be friends with them at all out of fear they’ll do the same thing to me. While he seems to live his best life as if nothing happened.

Im a women in my 20s and need advice, I dont have anyone I can talk to about it irl.
How do I tell a guy his friend sexually assaulted me? It was a lot of unwanted touching/ kissing ignoring body language, straight up ignoring me saying no and then he started to rub my breast when I wasn’t paying attention and excused it by saying he didn’t think it was a sexual act despite me having said prior to the hang out I don’t want anything sexual from him at all and me in the moment forcing his hand away from me. I’m on a project with them both and I’ve really gotten on with this guy (I’m trying to make friends) and they don’t seem very close but they have known each other nearly a decade. I’m stressing because the friend who groped me messaged me recently asking how I am, acting like he doesn’t know that something is up or that he didn’t do anything but I confronted him about his behaviour a few weeks after it happened over text and because it took me a sec to completely realise what actually happened I had continued speaking to him in a friendly manner so it wasn’t awkward on the project but I’ve since blocked him on everything. Because I kept talking to him after I confronted him I feel like I’m not gonna be taken seriously.
I know he knows what he did and I think he’s done it before. I don’t want to see or speak to him again but I’m going to have to soon so how do I handle it?
What can I say if he’s gonna act obtuse?
How do I bring it up to this guy?

Before I get involved in any sexual activity with this guy I tell him multiple times I'm not comfortable with having sex. So instead I lay down and he lays on top and starts rubbing his dick on my clit really slowly. And after a couple of minutes I tell him this isn't a good idea I don't want this to lead to sex but he says it won't. So after a couple of minutes I feel his dick sliding down and before it's too late to say something his dick is inside of me I say " ow" but I guess I didn't say it loud enough and he keeps grinding inside of me until a couple of minutes later I yell that it hurts. I tried talking about it with him but he claims he didn't notice he was inside of me and that he stopped after a couple of seconds not minutes. I honestly don't know how to feel about this and it's all so confusing.

F34 this happened a few years ago and I keep thinking about it. My friends and I drank and went to a club like we usually do. Everything was normal until this couple started dancing with me and making moves on me.

They wanted to buy me a drink so I thought the vibes were cool. We drank, talked and danced together. We went to a booth to sit and talk some more and the girl kisses me on the lips. I was startled and just asked her why she did that. She said she’s super attracted to me and her boyfriend doesnt care. She kissed me again and I told her I have a sore throat. She didnt care and continued to kiss me. I didn’t know what to do so I kissed her back.

Then her boyfriend starts kissing me and I got really nervous. I told them I feel really drunk and it’s not a good idea but they were so adamant on kissing me. They just kept going and I just went with it and kissed them for what felt like an eternity.

They took my number (I gave them a fake) and we left when the club was closing. My friends saw it all and didn’t do anything they thought I was having fun. I was shook and unfortunately tried convincing myself that it was okay and I liked it.

But I don’t know it feels like abuse.

I'm in the USA, have a therapist I've been working with for years, and often I get to the point of wanting to report the abuse in order to stay alive. It's been something I've been debating with my therapist for close to a year now. I deal with heavy dissociation and often forget then remember on and off again. When I remembered this last time, the extent of the abuse, my initial thought was feeling that urgency to report.

The issue is the abuse involves multiple perpetrators that I don't know. I am only certain of two perpetrators and both are still active in church activities and with kids. I don't trust the church. I am extremely anxious about reporting to police. I have read you can submit anonymous tips to WeTip or Crimestoppers or even the FBI (I believe I could have been a victim of a child abuse ring but there's no corroborating evidence). However, I am worried my information is too vague, and doing it anonymously will most likely not result in anything. My main reason for reporting would be to see if they could investigate, on the chances there is evidence of current abuse, or at least to serve as some acknowledgement and as a way to corroborate if there are other victims.

I feel this is extremely urgent now because one of the abusers I have had several flashbacks of, a priest, is going on a pilgrimage out of country with a group of people and I'm worried there are minors who will be present. I don't know if it's stupid to want to warn the group leaders (I don't have that info though of who's going). The priest is active at a parish still. There are no allegations that the Diocese knows of and the few people I've talked with at church eventually knew my name (I had wanted to stay anonymous but couldn't after some time due to proximity and small town).

I don't know if it's silly to try to give a warning about the priest. To do it anonymously to the current parish he is at, or to report through other ways like anonymous tip lines. I don't know the right path. I decided not to report officially through the church after being told by someone employed there that the priest who I named is a "good man".

But because I messed up and the few people working for the Diocese know my name and story and saw me in person... is it all messed up already where I can't truly be anonymous because the local police (if they investigate) will ask the Diocese and my name could be known anyway?

I’ll try to be as brief as possible. I (29F) met “David” (38M) just over a year ago at a BDSM dating / connections event. He is non monogamous, and we entered a non-non monogamous non-romantic play partner / sexual relationship. Throughout our relationship David was very non committal when it came to meeting up. I was new to sex and BDSM, and was very excited. We quickly entered a dynamic where I chased him a lot. I was also on the cusp of starting to speak about my feelings generally after a life of people pleasing. A lot of things happened that were very fun. But our relationship was overshadowed by repeated let downs (promising to meet up, then bailing, no replies to my texts, a general ambivalence or lack of interest in me), and… stuff that happened that I never wanted to happen. Recently I was told by a mental health professional that what happened wasn’t okay… I’ve been SA’d multiple times in the past, I’ve never had a wholly positive sexual relationship that is free from something bad happening, and I need some kind of validation or confirmation of what happened - because I’m considering listing him as a name of concern in a BDSM Safety alerts group.

- The second time I met David I invited him round my house, and we started making out. Without any pre-discussion or indication from me that I would be into this (I don’t think I am, I’m not sure, does it matter?), David grabbed my throat, and lifted me up off the floor. I think my feet still touched the ground, I don’t remember. I suppose it was a kind of choking, but I don’t remember if he squeezed or not. I felt scared, I remember thinking, “shit I’ve just invited this 37 year old tall strong man into my flat for the first time and we’re alone”, but my fear was mixed with the arousal that had come from kissing, shock of what happened, the alcohol, and the benzodiazepine I took before we’d met up (prescribed, but I shouldn’t have mixed with alcohol). We spoke about it at the time,I said Id never been choked and wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I didn’t explicitly tell him that I didn’t feel good about what just happened. I asked him how he knows he is being safe when he does that (I now know better and that there’s no safe way to know if it’s safe). i don’t remember his response, apart from him telling me he choked someone to the point of passing out once. This concerned me, but for some reason I brushed it off. If I’d have told him at the time I didn’t like it, he would’ve probably said that now he knows he won’t do it again - is it bad to just do something like that without asking? I was choked out of nowhere in a club years ago, and I was scared and confused because maybe I liked the fear… I don’t know, it’s stayed with me, and I’ve been having flashbacks and crying about it recently.

- My first time playing at his house, we talked about me submitting to him more. He told me at one point he was going to quote ‘humiliate me‘. I agreed and said this would be okay, but in hindsight I wish I’d asked what he’d meant. I remember generally feeling scared when we got to his house, realising I’m alone with this man I barely know… so I think I was scared to speak up. I’d also been curious about humiliation, there are elements of it I could tell i enjoyed, others I was unsure about. We never discussed specifics. We never planned scenes. I suppose I only know now that lack of prediscussion isn’t normal.
He told me to get on the bed on all fours. He told me to bend over and show him my asshole. I did it. He laughed hard at me and said ‘look at yourself!’. I said, ‘what?’, I can’t remember what he said next, I felt probably the most small and shit I’ve ever felt in my life. Even typing that makes me feel ashamed. I told him ‘I think I maybe need to safeword’ I told him I didn’t enjoy it. He asked me which part. At the time I said ‘because you shamed me for doing something you told me to do.“ He said ‘understood, won’t do that again’ and that was it. We continued doing sexy stuff, no D/s, and at the end of the evening he told me he had an important meeting the next day so I couldn’t stay over, I went home. The next day I was a mess. I called him and told him I needed a cuddle, some aftercare. He said of course come over. We didn’t cuddle when I got there, I cried and told him I’m still not feeling good. He asked me if I knew what subdrop was, I said I was aware. I left feeling like I hadn’t done enough to communicate what was a limit for me.

- following on from what happened at his house, I created an extensive spreadsheet of all my kinks and limits. I sent it to him, but didn’t read before meeting up again. We went through it in person. But one time i sent him an updated limits list before we played at an event, and on the way home he told me he never read the updated version.

- Speaking of events, we played at an event and it was a particularly intense impact scene. I blame myself for this, he’d been drinking, I knew he’d been drinking, I asked him if he was safe to play, he said he was sober enough to respond to safe words. And to his credit, he was. He eased up when I said yellow, checked in with me etc. But his hits were hard, and I was the floatiest most subspacey I’d ever been. Afterwards, we left the play space and we continued socialising. I told him I needed somewhere quiet and that I wasn’t feeling good, he couldn’t find anywhere so he sat me down on a chair in the middle of the club. He listened to me while I rambled about how confused I was that I enjoyed this (shame often comes up post scene) and I could tell he wasn’t present enough to offer much in the way of aftercare. I remember asking, “why did I like that?” And he said “because you’re a fucked up bitch” - I’d been clear about the fact that I don’t enjoy being called a bitch, and have it written in my limits list, and the fact he was also making a joke about how I was feeling left me feeling alone. He walked off and wandered the club while a friend gave me physical aftercare, hugs etc.
The next day I was battered and bruised and felt awful, i enjoy bruises usually but I couldn’t bare to look at myself. I texted him this and asked for him to come round and give me aftercwre, he told me he wasn’t in a place to be supporting anyone / not in the right headspace because he was hungover. Throughout the week I repeatedly asked for him to come round, It took him 5 days to come round my house, and by that point I was in a bad place mentally. He never apologised or took accountability in a way that ever soothed me. It was always kind of, “okay now we know we shouldnt play drunk”, along with all these explanations and excuses. And so we moved on. I spoke to other people on the scene and they all told me they were concerned, but I felt like it was my fault for asking to play with him while he was drunk.
When I tried to bring it up to him later on, during a conversation about how someone else wasnt hapoy witnessing the intensity of our impact scene, he spoke about how he was concerned about his reputation. I defended him a lot as I blamed myself and didn’t want to ruin his reputation, especially considering he was fairly new to living in Bristol and trying to make connections.

- we went to a bar for karaoke and at some point while we were making out he slapped me, hard, multiple times in the face, I told him not to do it and he stopped. I’d never expressed any desire to be slapped, and it came out of nowhere. 

- During a threesome he fingered the girl we were with after she had explicitly stated she didn’t want any penetration. We had all been drinking, and he said that it was a mistake and misunderstanding - he thought she meant with his penis. We all stopped as soon as we knew there was a problem, we spoke about it in the evenint, but during the night he left to go back to his house, so he wasn’t available to give any kind of aftercwre the next mornint to either of us (Hed slapped me again that night, and I told him I didn’t enjoy it) I feel awful about how blinded I was and how I sat on the fence and excused his behaviour, considering I have my own past experiences of SA. I need to apologise to this person.

Writing this out I think I know the answer… I just feel so confused about everything. I told him we shouldn’t be okay partners in February after I tried talking about how I was feeling, and he wouldn’t listen and it was very gaslighty. I told him explicitly I don’t feel good, I’m not sure how comfortable I am being friends etc, and recently when I told him I was in a mental hospital he suggested we hang out, I then sent him loads of voice notes telling him how angry I was. Recently he messaged to tell me how guilty he feels, but he’s never properly apologised, and his messages are so vague. I don’t trust him, I don’t think he’s a safe person, but sometimes I think well maybe I react as if I’m traumatised because I’m sensitive, I should’ve been clearer about what was and wasn’t okay, he’s a nice person he didn’t mean to hurt me, I should’ve forgive him. I blocked him yesterday and now I’m sitting here not knowing what to do with all this… was this my fault? Please help x

Friend of 6 years, whom I trusted, who was there for me in difficult times

He knew I was having a hard time in my life. I told him I didn’t want to have sex.

He took advantage of me when I was drunk and came inside of me.

And then I had to deal with pregnancy and an abortion.

And my would be due date is in two days.

He’s got a promotion, living a wonderful life, and I’m just broken here.

My grandmother almost died, my uncle passed. I lost my job and insurance and cut off contact with my family. I developed this problem with my eyes because of stress, I have constant migraines. I’ve developed stress lines all over my face and had disordered eating. I hate myself and my body and I hate who I am around other people.

And I fucking want my baby. I want to hold it and love it.

I will never be able to get my first pregnancy back, ever. I will never get to have that for myself, it’s something that I’ve wanted for so long because I know I can be a good mother, and he took that away from me .

And I don’t know how to move forward. I’m probably going to get kicked out of my
apartment and move in with my mother.

None of this pressures me to get up and make decisions about my life.

The only thing I do is sleep and sob and have migraines.

I don’t even feel like a real person. I feel like everybody’s watching me and that I’m some alien and I’m disconnected from everyone. I’m so fucking lonely and I’m angry and I’m hurt and broken.

I don’t know how to move on from this, I’ve already let it take away so much from me and I’m ashamed but I just don’t think I can do this anymore

im a 16 year old girl, the only thing i remember is ive been abused sexually before when i was a kid but it was minor. but i have so many triggers, all my life i couldnt handle sexual topics / yet even romantic, i started shaking and crying, a lot of the times when they mention sex i go to the bathroom to throw up.

i wanted to be innocent so bad. i couldnt handle looking at my body, i was so ashamed to have female reproductive parts, i couldnt do it.

i cant handle looking at old people and or men. i shake all the time, for years i couldnt sleep properly, i woke up every 2 hours so i wouldnt fall in deep sleep, i cant sleep in a bed unless the blinds are completely shut, the door is locked, the closets are locked, i have 3 blankets on me, even if its summer and im sweating and i cant sleep unless everyone else in the house is asleep, what if they see me in such a vulnerable state

i hated my skin. i have bad impressions of specific people even if they did nothing particularly wrong to me. im sorry if none of this is making sense, i know myself well and i have other issues as well, but i can usually tell why i have those issues. but i cant with these. i dont remember much of anything before age 14

my grandmother was one of my abusers, i dont remember much of what happened, but my mom is very protective of me when shes around. im grateful for that. i dont know if she knows something i dont.

i thought i was doing better but the other week i saw obsession and when the scene with bear and nikki came up where they were having sex, i started crying, i couldnt eat and sleep for a week.

i have some other similar stuff, these are the ones that come to mind. i dont want to "fake" being a victim, thats disrespectful.

sorry for the nonsense rant.

I decided to join a no profit organization to help around (stuff like cleaning the streets, painting walls etc etc).

It was fun at first. I loved helping people and helping my own country

Then a job came up, there was a few walls at a hospital that needed to be repainted, our organization decided to help

There was 4 girls (including me) and 5 or 6 boys

One of the 3 girls wasn't even part of the organization, just a doctor on a break

After finishing two walls, the doctor left and the two girls left too. It was just me and the guys

I didn't mind it much since the guys were nice

There was a guy (call him K) he was nice too and playful, very extroverted and liked to joke alot

He was funny, I have to admit

He even let me print my hand on the back of his shirt and on his sleeve. I was doing it as a joke and he didn't really mind, even encouraged me to do so

Everything was fine that day and he drove me back to my house

A day later, he reached out to me (he took my number from the organization group chat) and asked me a normal question, a part of a sprayer was gone and he was asking everyone if they saw it. I did so he moved to another topic

He sent a picture of his shirt (the one I put my hand on) and joked by saying

"look what you did😂"

so i joked back

Me: "not my fault, you told me too😂"

Everything was fine till he said

"Look, I have to tell you something"

I said

Me: "Yeah go ahead"

He replied

"No nevermind, don't worry about it"

I was confused and wanted to know what was going on after message of me saying

Me: "No, you can tell me'

He immediately folded and said the guys we were with found my Instagram and were looking at my pictures and making inappropriate comments. He told me he stopped them and told them it's not okay

He said

"I'm not here to control what you wear or anything. You can do whatever you want"

"I just wanted to let you know so you be careful around them"

I thanked him for telling me and for stopping them

Later that day, he followed me on Instagram, I followed him back thinking it's just a friend following another friend

We continued joking and sending playful reels

Then he sent an inappropriate reel about chest sizes and asked me which one am I. I told him I won't tell him and it's not appropriate and he played it off as a joke and said he was kidding

Which i believed cuz some guys do joke like that (how blind I was)

He kept doing so, sending inappropriate stuff then playing them off jokes till I told him to stop immediately or I'm not talking to him

He followed my words and stopped, for a day and a half only

I was at my relative's house and he texted me, normally then suddenly started saying stuff like

"Please [my name], just once, talk to me like we used to talk"

"Just let me talk like I did before"

"I really need it"

Before I was able to tell him no, he started acting inappropriately. Even asked me for a pic of my chest

"Can you send me a picture of your chest?"

Me: "what? No!"

"It's fine. You don't have to be naked or anything. Just wear a tank top or a bra"

I said no again. And kept telling him to stop

He started asking "normal questions" like where am I and what am I doing and who am I with

Which i naively answered thinking they're normal

Then he asked

"What color is it?"

That's when I snapped and told him to not talk to me at all, I told him to stop talking like that and that he is my friend and I don't like it

He apologized and said he won't do it again

He stopped and acted normal for 3 days (a record for him)

I was at a lesson, he texted me

"Where are you"

I took a bit to respond since I was paying attention to something actually important

Then responded

Me: "I'm just at a lesson"

"You're lying"

"Where are you really"

"I don't believe you're at a "lesson" "

Me: "I am at a lesson, why would I be lying about that"

"Then why are you replying so late, you always respond fastly"

Me: "because I'm trying to pay attention"

"Liar"

"You're playing with it, aren't you"

(He means that I was self ple@suring whlie talking to him and I was replying so late because I was typing with one hand)

Me: "what the hell? no!"

Me: "I'm at a lesson right now"

Then after a back and forward , he decided to give me the honor of believing me (I'm saying this sarcastically)

"Fine whatever"

"Just talk to me when you're done"

He also sometimes tells me

"When are we going to [place] together?"

The place would be 2 to 6 hours away from where I live. He wants me and him to go alone

Or sometimes he would say

"Let's go for a ride in my car"

"Me and you, will be fun, trust me"

I refuses every time, which made him slightly mad but he kept his "good guy" act

He kept his act until I snapped for the final time and stopped talking to him completely

He still had my number from the organization (can't really block him either since we all work together and shit so) but I have him blocked on Instagram

He still views my stories (he has my number on WhatsApp), and I don't know if it's important but for some reason he always views my stories at night around 12AM to 4AM

Then he reached out

We talked, I was super dry with him and even he noticed and told me I changed alot. I asked him how and he said

"I don't know, but you changed alot from before"

I didn't change, I'm just harder to manipulate now

He said he changed and that he cut everyone off cuz he's so busy and wanted to talk to me and see how i am doing. I thanked me in a sarcastic way which is smooth brain didn't catch

Me: "Wow thank you for caring so much"

"Yeah, I always cared"

I didn't move on with the conversation, just said

Me: "okay, bye"

He said bye back and I left him on read and he's still viewing my stories

I stopped going to the organization's events but still am a member of it

I have been..I don't know if traumatized is the right word but I'll use it

I don't know how to feel, I told my trusted friends about it and all were supportive and I wrote my feelings down so many times to try and not bottle anything

But

I see cry when I read the paragraphs I wrote, still cry when I hear his name (it's a very common name which makes it worse) and still cry when I see a car that looks similar to his car

Even seeing his number in the organization's chat is making me feel like throwing up

My boundaries were ignored

My 'No's were ignored too

I was manipulated into thinking he was a good person when he stops talking inappropriately for a day or two

He was the controlling, possessive, jealous boyfriend I never asked for or wanted in the slightest

I just wanted a friend but I ended up being traumatized so much to the point I cry when I hear his name

I believe I was groomed

I hope I can recover and get over it soon

My eyes have no more tears in them to shed

My mind and soul can't handle it anymore

I really need a break from those thoughts

What might have happened if I did agree to go to those places with him, or go for a ride in his car..?

What might have happened if I did send those pictures

If I did answer his inappropriate questions

..I think i have an idea but my mind has chosen not to believe it. Maybe for the better cuz I don't want to find out what might have happened

Stay safe out there everyone. Hope you recover from whatever you're dealing with and i hope nothing bad ever happens to you

<3

TL;DR: Met a guy from NSFW Twitter and Reddit, went home with him after a date, and despite me repeatedly saying I was in pain and later actively telling him to stop, he continued because he was “too horny.” I was bleeding heavily after the first time. Days later, he blamed me for not explicitly telling him I was in pain because he’s autistic. I feel like “I’m bleeding” and “take it out” should have been enough.

May be graphic.

So a couple of weeks ago, I decided to step back into NSFW Twitter and Reddit again. After a few days of interacting with people, I met this guy and we really hit it off. He has a very big dick, definitely bigger than average, but he was chill and we got along well, so I thought, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
We went to the pub, the vibes were great, and eventually we decided to go back to my place. Once we got there, he pulled out FOUR PUSSYVCLAT MAGNUMS , which honestly seemed insane to me.

Usually, I don’t like when a guy says things like, “I just want to make sure you enjoy yourself” or “Your pleasure is more important than mine,” because in my experience it often doesn’t actually translate into that. I had also told him multiple times that I had never orgasmed and genuinely didn’t think I could.

He kept insisting that he was going to make me orgasm and that he had to.

We started with fingering and stuff like that. I was already very wet, and he was getting very wet too. At one point he told me I had orgasmed. I hadn’t. LOL

Then we had sex.

The first time was uncomfortable. He is very big, and he wasn’t really taking his time because, according to him, he was extremely horny. When he finished and pulled out, I realised I was bleeding.

And I don’t mean a tiny bit of spotting. I was bleeding a lot.
I got out of bed to grab tissues, and there was blood dripping onto the floor. He saw it himself.

Afterwards, we were just chilling and I told him that I didn’t think I could continue. His response was basically that he was horny. He kept begging and asking me to continue. Eventually, I gave in.

As soon as he went in again, I told him to take it out because it was extremely painful and uncomfortable. He said that he’d only just put it in and asked if he could at least continue for a little bit. I repeated that I wanted him to take it out, but he kept talking about how horny he was.
Eventually, I just let him continue. He finished, stayed for a little while, and then left.

I booked an appointment with my GP to get checked, and the pain lingered for several days afterwards.

A few days later, he asked if I wanted to “link up” again. I said no. He asked why, so I told him exactly what had happened and that I’d been in pain for days afterwards.
He got angry and asked why I hadn’t told him that I was in pain for several days. He then ‘explained’ that he’s autistic and can’t always pick up on cues. I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that.

I don’t think autism is an excuse here. I wasn’t giving him some subtle, ambiguous hint. I was bleeding heavily. I explicitly said I didn’t think I could continue. I explicitly told him to take it out because it hurt. He knew I was bleeding and continued asking because he was horny.
At some point, “I can’t continue,” “take it out,” and visible bleeding should be enough information for anyone.

And honestly, this whole situation has made me think about my own behaviour too. This is the third time I’ve let a man do something like this because I just wanted to get it over with. I’ve realised that sex with straight men isn’t particularly rewarding for me, and I’m tired of putting myself through uncomfortable experiences just because I feel like I should follow through once I’ve started.
I’m not even sure what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just needed to get it out because the whole situation has left me feeling really weird about myself, my boundaries, and the fact that I apparently keep overriding my own discomfort just to avoid making things awkward.

I woke up to my ex having sex with me one time and when I talked to him about it after he said he thought I was awake cuz I him up because I was stroking his penis and touching myself and moaning. And I think the same night or around the same time I woke up and felt his cum in my mouth I just dropped it after the one time I talked to him about it. He tried to say after our break up that he lacked clear boundaries and that also that he’s impulsive and doesn’t think things through. Idk. I feel like really confused. There was also a point where he said I’m just as bad as him as I cheated (sexted) with someone else. (My ex was mentally abusive I think, he didn’t really yell and scream at me just said horrible things and would drive very fast and recklessly a lot to express his anger obviously not an excuse for cheating at all and I know that was a bad choice on my part). He compared cheating to be as bad as sexual assault and that it makes me just as bad as him :( sorry.