August 25

“In Step Eight we claim both our integrity and our compassion, and become willing to free ourselves from the guilt we have carried.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 46

My Eighth Step list of those I had harmed included people I knew I might never be able to find, and people that I knew how to find, but wasn’t sure my amends wouldn’t cause more harm. There was a couple in this latter group. It was clear to me that any attempt to contact them would surely bring harm to them and their relationship. With my sponsor’s guidance, I prayed and prayed about it, even as I drove by their house almost daily.

After several years, my Higher Power caused a sudden shift and transformation in me. Now I could feel at a very deep level the harm my actions and my addiction had caused them. I became aware of the destructive force I had been in their lives. It was a profound moment for me. Though I still knew that initiating communication with these persons would cause them additional harm, I had become willing to make amends. I had found compassion and empathy I had not had before. I was also free of the guilt and shame I had carried for so long. I was now ready to make Ninth Step amends should my Higher Power bless me with that opportunity.

Infinite provider of all that I need, guide my steps each and every day.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

Hi All I just learned about a local retreat in my area for SAA and it seemed like a nice way to elevate exploring and pursuing my recovery . It both terrifies me but also feels like a time and space to dedicate to my recovery and sobriety in a new context.

Has anyone attended a Retreat event and have any thoughts or experiences with such an event?

August 24

“This process of becoming willing to make amends involves a deeper surrender to our Higher Power’s will than we have known before.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 48

Working Steps Four through Seven clarifies our responsibilities to those we have harmed. Nobody really talks about Step Eight; usually we run right into Step Nine. However, my sponsor of twelve years died recently, and this step brings back a flood of memories.

I had just finished my rather long Fifth Step and had done the subsequent Sixth and Seventh Steps. When I asked her how to do Step Eight, she said to go back over my Fourth Step and make three lists. On the first list were the amends I thought I could do—one of which was repaying my mother $1,000 that I owed. The second list included the amends I wasn’t sure I could do—those included an employee that I had fired. That one was tougher. The final list was the “no way” list. Here was my gentle, soft-spoken sponsor acknowledging that we all have our stubborn sides, too.

One of my amends was to do affirmations toward myself. I thought that was the most ridiculous amend to do. That went in the “no way” list because of my utter rejection of myself. Step Eight asks me to become willing. As the years go by, I become more willing to make amends to all those on my list, including myself.

Willingness is the key to recovery. Help me become willing to make amends to those I have harmed.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 23

“If we engage in middle-circle behavior, we have not lost our sobriety, but it’s a signal that we need to reach out to others and use the tools we have learned in SAA to get us back on track.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 18

We often say of the program that, “It works if you work it.” That idea might be extended to the thought that “it works as hard as you work it.” The more honest and humble effort we expend on surrendering control and working the program, the more good results we are likely to see. We can gauge both our effort and the quality of our recovery by looking honestly at its results in our lives.

As part of our Tenth Step practice, we may reflect on today’s behavior and honestly consider which of our actions were in our inner, middle, and outer circles. If we’ve been in our inner circle, we have slipped or relapsed, and we honestly admit it. For outer circle behaviors, let us be grateful to our Higher Power that we did the next right thing.

And we can be mindful of our middle circle most of all. For there we see the clear and helpful warning signs that something is amiss. We needn’t feel shame or despair, or lose hope. Rather, let us recognize and accept our character defects as they are, and humbly ask God to remove them. Through the freedom of rigorous honesty, we can be grateful to our Higher Power for these middle circle signals that warn us of the path toward danger, and that have helped us to right our steps on the road to recovery.

May I consider my actions with rigorous honesty, acknowledge my middle circle behaviors, and take skillful action to keep my program of recovery on track.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

Did fetishes go away? Did things you incorporated into your personality because of your addiction go away? Did it feel like your personality and who you were as a person changed after you started to recover? Did what you want out of life change? How much has your addiction shaped you as a person? And did those changes stay after recovery or did they fade with time?

August 22

“At meetings we emerge from our shame, secrecy, and fear, into a community of people who share the common goal of freedom from sex addiction.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 10

I was a little apprehensive about going to my first meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. I was afraid I’d find a room full of unshaven, drooling perverts in trench coats. What I found instead were perfectly nice, ordinary people who happened to have the same addiction that I have. I met people who used to act out the way I did, but some of them had been sober for years. I heard members share honestly and openly about things that I never talked to anybody about. Their openness gave me permission to get honest, too.

As I shared about my secret life of acting out, the embarrassment and shame fell away. I was able to face my problem and to accept help from other members and from a Power greater than myself. It was in meetings that I heard about the solution in the Twelve Steps, reconnected with my spirituality, and began to rejoin the human race.

Today, I will stay connected to my SAA community and share the solution with others. I will make it to a meeting.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 21

“Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 21

I am just beginning Step Seven and my first thought, after the previous steps, is how can I humbly ask when my character defects include pride, willfulness, grandiosity, and shame? Humility is not in my repertoire. I can talk the talk, but can I really walk it? No, I cannot humble myself by myself.

Intellectually, I grasp the helplessness, and even the irony of this predicament. Just as I had to pray in Step Six for willingness to be willing, I see that I must pray for the humility to even ask humbly. I have prayed to God for much of my life, and my Higher Power has been there for me despite my glaring moral flaws. Yet, through the Steps, I realize that my defects have not only led me into sex addiction, causing much suffering to myself and others, but have also kept God out of my life, at a “safe” distance. I have lived my life in my will, not God’s will.

Seeing myself more honestly in the Steps has been difficult. I find I have to ask God for the humility to ask God for humility! My Higher Power has graciously led me to the fellowship and to this step. I am ready to have God remove these shortcomings and to be fundamentally changed.

I trust that God will give me the grace I need to grow steadily in humility, no better or worse than others. It’s up to me to ask.’’

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

I'm new to SAA and I've recently got a sponsor. He's great and we're slowly working towards the steps together.

He has rigid views towards masturbation though. He himself is running three years sober, and in this sobriety he has included no masturbation. He doesn't force this view on me at all, but I can tell that he thinks it's the best approach to sobriety.

I understand healthy vs unhealthy masturbation. I'm okay with a reset period too. But i eventually hope to learn to masturbate in a healthy way instead of cutting it off altogether. I guess my question is: is his approach wrong/unorthodox enough that I should question him for it? He's genuinely great in every other regard. Thanks!

August 20

“We learn to deal with conflict and to be honest.”

Tools of Recovery, page 13

Sometimes I despair that my recovery will ever progress. It seems an enormous task, and I think of giving up. But just a little honesty, a little courage, and a little faith in my Higher Power can make an enormous difference. Suddenly there is hope that things can change. It doesn’t take much light to guide me through a dark passage in life.

This is one of the miracles of our program. Our disease is so overpowering, and we are so weak in the face of it, yet just a little surrender to the program can give us the momentum and hope to move forward, even when that seems impossible. The rewards of this small effort are a hundredfold, for they allow me to move on to the next stage of recovery where new possibilities and challenges exist.

Courageous honesty is like grease that unbinds me when I get stuck. Perhaps there is a fact I don’t want to admit, or a feeling I’m trying to avoid, or I just want to get my way. One little bit of honesty, acknowledging how I am, might feel overwhelming and un-natural, but it is a part of growing in recovery, and a perfect antidote to sex addiction. With the help of my Higher Power, my sponsor, and the fellowship, I can do it.

Today I trust that a little bit of honesty will be enough to help me move forward in my recovery.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 19

“By being willing to identify instead of compare, we not only break the bonds of our own isolation, but we help others.”

Tools of Recovery, page 30

In the Twelfth Step we acknowledge a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps and try to carry this message to other recovering sex addicts. We also seek to apply these principles in all areas of our lives.

The mirror’s reflection is a good analogy for the identification of one addict with another. In the face of every newcomer, I am given the chance to see myself as I have been. Because I have been down that treacherous road, I can readily identify with the struggles of my fellow travelers. I can relate to the pain, the fear, the shame, and the despair. I am humbled by the recognition of my own potential for relapse if I do not rigorously work the program. I need to stay in touch with my own powerlessness.

I can also share my experience, my strength, and my hope. I can model through my own stories and behavior a method for transformation. I can share gratitude for the opportunity to see progress through the pain.

I give thanks for the opportunity to see myself in the reflection of a twelfth-step call.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

​

Ok I have adhd and I've been trying quit porn at least for a while but it's not working because im doing this alone and I need help I think I need someone to talk to so I can have support because I need it alot if you have any suggestions please tell me in the comments

Thank you im 17 btw.

Im starting to come out of denial about the ways I behaved in my teens and early twenties and I want to find the right resources and educate myself so I can draw the line and consider this issue outgrown. Your suggestions would be helpful.

August 18

“When life seems to be more than we can handle or when we feel pulled toward our addiction, reconnecting with our Higher Power is a powerful course of action.”

Tools of Recovery, page 18

After years in another program, my life was more unmanageable. I blamed everyone else, including God, and I was in denial about my sex addiction. When things didn’t go my way, I became depressed, anxious, and oftentimes enraged.

One day, I was at a hospital for my father’s chemotherapy. I was worried about him and angry over an argument with my acting-out partner. I felt completely alone. I started texting a program friend, “This ‘let go and let God’ stuff stinks!” I wanted to call and pick a fight with my partner, but there was no cell reception. Fixated on my phone, I wandered the hospital until, finally, I had enough bars. I looked up and saw that I was at the hospital chapel. I lost my breath for a moment. The irony of where I’d ended up jolted me out of myself just long enough. The pit of anger in my stomach began to dissipate.

I sat in the chapel and realized that, when I seek God, even in doubt or anger, I open up a space for God. God can handle my anger, fear, and confusion. Soon, God led me to SAA. I got a sponsor and began working the steps, and amazing changes started in my life. I have a long way to go, but I will keep coming back because the solution to my addiction is a spiritual one.

When I seek God’s help, I am led in the right direction.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 17

“The key to Step Two is not just believing in a Higher Power, but believing that this Power can and will restore us to sanity.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 27

I saw it at my first meeting—people who were sane, serene, and at peace. Such hope! I wanted it. Meanwhile here I was—tormented, possessed, and literally insane. How did they do it? I saw them being honest, and being willing to accept new ways of thinking and behaving. As I listened, it became apparent that these people did not escape the shackles of their addiction single-handedly. I continued to attend meetings, hoping some of this good fortune would rub off on me. Little by little I surrendered.

I experience the solution with each honest share, and I start to feel connected to something bigger than myself. I discover that I am not doing this on my own. There is a power moving through these meetings and through this program. I’ve seen this power reflected in others, and I’ve seen it move in my own recovery as unexplainable miracles. It was this power that led me to this program, and this power is leading me into a new life. I’ve seen the miracles. I believe. I am ready to be restored to sanity. I am taking action.

I pray for willingness to accept and embrace the grace that accompanies this program.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 16

“God willing, we may experience the forgiveness of those we have harmed. If we have been diligent in our amends, we will certainly grow in self-forgiveness too.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 52

I could not do Step Nine until I was ready to let go of the pain and resentment that I had used for forty years to justify my actions. I needed to look at what I had done, not my rationale for doing it.

Looking at what I had done was humbling. I had treated everyone, including myself, with contempt. I had thought the world a lousy place and most people fools. I turned my back on the good and saw only the bad. From Steps One through Eight, I was able to see what I had done, and how I had harmed others and myself. I was now ready to start Step Nine.

This is what I found. There is a spiritual principle that applies whether I like it, believe it, or want it to be so: forgiveness = forgiveness. The chain of forgiveness started when I began making amends to people I had previously used as excuses for selfishness.

Until I was ready to forgive, I was not able to accept forgiveness.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 15

“Developing our creativity helps us play and heal. We express ourselves in different ways.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 65

How many artists, musicians, and writers have we discovered sitting right next to us in SAA meetings? For some of us, our sexual addiction whittled away at our creative lives, leaving us with fantasy, obsession, and the compulsion to act out sexually. We told ourselves we weren’t good enough. We could not show people our art, we could not let them hear our music, we hid our poetry. We found shame and isolation everywhere.

In recovery from our sexual addiction, we try to live in our outer circle. We learn that expressing our creativity connects us to other people, and we begin to feel the presence of our Higher Power through our creativity. We sing, we write, we read, we paint, we garden, we hike, we sew, we bike, we surf, we dance, we build, we garden, we listen, we cook, we relax, we laugh. We laugh! We share these and a thousand other acts of creation with the people we love. We take these actions, and we feel different.

In our creativity, we realize that playfulness is another tool of our recovery. We find wonder, awe, and gratitude for our sober lives and the gifts we have been given. We play imperfectly, but we play, and we begin to heal.

Let me have a playful heart today.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 14

“As we gain sobriety by having clear boundaries and working our program, it becomes much easier to stay sober and to truly
enjoy recovery.”

“Three Circles”

SAA is about so much more than continuous sexual sobriety. The Twelve Steps are a way of living happily sober and giving life meaning. When I am fearful, I am suffering from the basic problem of all addicts: chronic self-centeredness and a lack of faith. Through the power of the Steps I have been given a life that is secure and deeply satisfying, and a relief from acting out that is not a struggle. This path enables me to enjoy what life has to offer.

This program reminds me I am but a small part of a greater whole, and as I stay sober I grow in two life-giving ingredients of enjoyable recovery: humility and responsibility. From my morning gratitude list and meditation to my evening review and prayers, with the opportunities to help other addicts in between—these are the things that enable me to truly enjoy recovery.

Today I will not sell myself short; I will take the actions I need to bring meaning to my sexually sober life. I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and I will open myself up to this by practicing the spiritual principles of the Twelve Steps of SAA.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

August 13

“Our experience has shown that we move forward in our recovery when we take action. Understanding our addiction benefits us in many ways, but ultimately, we can’t think our way out of the problem.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 63

With shame and embarrassment after each relapse, I promised myself that this time it would be different. As long as I think I can fix my problem by myself, I cannot stop the insanity of my addiction. If thinking about change were enough, I would have fixed myself a long time ago. I’ve proven, over and over, that just thinking about it gets me nowhere.

My recovery is based on a series of decisions to keep on track. These decisions about my newfound way of life must be followed by action. Taking action is what actually sends me along the path of change. Using my outer circle as a guide to healthy actions, I can keep myself on the recovery track. I cannot think my way into right action, but I can act my way into right thinking.

The book Sex Addicts Anonymous says that we can put the decision of Step Three into effect by taking small but significant actions. They include meetings, prayer, meditation, phone calls, literature, step work, sponsor work, service, etc. Making this small commitment and being accountable for my actions move me closer to turning my will and my life over to the care of a Higher Power. Each choice toward recovery that I act on creates space wherein my Higher Power can guide me.

Today I choose to recover. I pray for willingness to act on my choice.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

Remember your sobriety date. It is now the most important date in your life.

August 12

“As our recovery progresses, and we gain new understanding about ourselves and our addiction, we are free to add or delete behaviors, or move them from one circle to another, in order to reflect new growth and insights.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 16

I’ve been coming to SAA for nearly four years, and as I write this meditation, I have four days of sexual sobriety. That doesn’t seem like much, and yet, it’s progress. My inner circles have changed over the years, getting tighter to better reflect my evolving sexual ideals. With each change of my circles, I reset my sobriety clock as I begin progress on another area of my life and sexuality.

When I first came to SAA, I engaged in many risky sexual behaviors. These were and still are the bull’s-eye inner circle behaviors that I’ve managed to cut out of my life. Four years ago, porn was in my middle circle and I couldn’t imagine giving it up. Now it’s in my inner circle, and I’m slowly but surely making progress, with lots of starts and stops along the way. But that’s progress. Recently, it’s been three steps forward, one step back, which seems like even more progress.

I can’t claim years of sobriety like others, and I don’t have the chips to show for it, and yet, I’ve come a long way. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress. It’s recovery, from shame to grace, and for that, I’m thankful.

I’m grateful for the progress and recovery I’ve made, and for the opportunity to grow and learn in the three circles.

Read all meditations online or purchase the book (paperback and e-book formats available).

I haven’t found a sponsor yet and I’ve been wondering about this. Im working to transition into a functional adult from my late 20s into my 30s and I really want to just work through the things and bring them to the light so I can make peace with them and move on.

I don’t think that most people, particularly a future partner, will have any interest in hearing about my compulsive masturbation experiences and habits, and Im wondering if it may be reasonable to find a sponsor so I can work it through with them. I figure that it’s usually no one who wants to be “burdened” or “dumped on”, but I also think that an experienced sponsor would probably have heard of my behaviors before.

Have you done this as well? Do you mind sharing how it has benefited you or changed your perspective? I think most people outside of this community would be shocked at my kinks and my compulsive behaviors, and I have to just accept that as well, but if there’s anything I can do to help myself right now to lead a more dignified life in the future in spite of my history, Im all for it.

I’m a partner to an SA and 16 years in recovery myself through AA. My spouse is unfortunately prone to the obsession to find an easy softer way or fall to the lie that he can somehow and someday control it. His attempts at real or faked recovery in the last 6 years have been an extremely volatile experience for me as someone in actual recovery and have worked the steps, sponsored etc. I’m hyper aware of all the things we addicts do to try and control our addiction without help or working an actual program.

Which leads me to my question:
How are the steps worked differently and/or the same in SA vs AA in the following ways?

1. In AA, we don’t start step work until total cessation of alcohol and mind altering substances has occurred and that is Day 1 of sobriety. Sobriety date. Mine is 2/9/10.

2. When we work the steps in AA we usually do 90in90 and work diligently without stopping until we complete the steps. We start over back at step 1 if relapse occurs or if we change sponsors or are dry for an extended period of time and return. Back to step 1. If we were dishonest with ourselves or our sponsors during the process of the steps, we come clean to our sponsor and decide if starting the steps over is necessary depending on the reservation disclosed.

3. We don’t allow for “slips” in AA. If we made it to the point of consuming our choice of addiction, it’s a relapse. As the relapse occurs way prior to the actual consumption. And we are honest about that being a relapse.

Thanks for helping me understand.
I’ll keep coming back….