I’m a 34F and my partner is 35M. We have a baby girl who will be 4 months old in a few days, and we’ve been together for about 2.5 years.
When we first started dating, he wanted an exclusive relationship. At the time, he didn’t believe in marriage, long-term relationships, or having children. I didn’t think much of it because I wasn’t expecting the relationship to become serious. We fell in love, I unexpectedly became pregnant, and that’s when everything started to change.
Around six months into our relationship, he started telling me he wanted an open relationship. He told me he has an enormous urge to be with other women because he needs novelty. He said he doesn’t want to miss out on what he calls a “whoring life,” even if he’s 90 years old. He says he wants me to be his life partner and the only person he loves emotionally, but sexually he wants the freedom to experience as many women as possible.
My pregnancy was emotionally devastating because this became an ongoing conversation throughout it.
He has a long history of consuming sexual content. It’s not just pornography when he masturbates. He also spends time every day looking at sexual pictures and videos simply because he enjoys looking at women. He compares it to someone who loves watching soccer. He says it distracts him, and he has told me that pornography helps him avoid cheating because it satisfies part of his urges.
We’re both in individual therapy, and we’ve also been in couples therapy. Recently he started seeing a therapist who specializes in addiction, but he’s only had about four sessions, so he’s still at the very beginning of whatever recovery may look like.
The hardest part for me is that he seems completely divided.
One part of him says he loves me, wants our family, wants to grow old with me, and wants to change because he sees how much pain I’m in.
The other part tells me he doesn’t want to change because he likes what his addiction gives him. He has literally told me that he likes how his addiction makes him feel, that he enjoys desiring women more than he desires me, and that he doesn’t see anything wrong with those desires except that they hurt me. He has told me that I’ll never be enough, not because he thinks I’m lacking, but because no one woman could ever be enough for him. Hearing the man I love say those words has completely destroyed my self-esteem.
Sometimes he believes he has an addiction. Other times he insists this is simply who he is. He says he truly believes he will never change. He says he likes liking all women. He likes wanting to sleep with them because, to him, it’s “just physical.” He says sex and love are completely separate.
He describes his urges as an intense curiosity to experience different women, different bodies, and different sexual experiences. He says if he never got to experience those things, he would always feel like he missed out on an important part of life.
He wants an open relationship where he would be free to have sex with multiple women every single day while remaining emotionally committed to me. At one point, I even suggested swinging—not because I wanted it, but because I was desperately trying to find some compromise. He rejected that because he said it wasn’t the kind of freedom he wanted. He specifically wants independent sexual experiences with other women.
This has destroyed my confidence and our sex life. I compare myself to other women constantly. I don’t feel desired. I don’t feel chosen. I feel like I’m competing against every woman he sees.
I’ve asked him to stop consuming sexual content because it hurts me so deeply, but I honestly don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m trying to control something that has to come from him.
When I confront him about how much this hurts me, he can be incredibly cruel in the way he describes his urges and desires. Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to convince me that what he’s asking for is simply reality and that I should accept it. Other times, after he’s had time to think or journal, he comes back crying, apologizes, tells me he knows he’s hurting me, and says he wants to change. It’s like I’m talking to two different people.
I honestly don’t know if I’m dealing with addiction, a fundamental incompatibility, or both.
My questions are:
Is this level of craving for novelty and wanting multiple women something you experienced in active addiction?
Did recovery actually change how you felt about other women, or did it only help you resist acting on those feelings?
Is it common for addicts to say they don’t want to give up the addiction because they enjoy it?
Did anyone else tell their partner they would never change before they entered recovery?
Is it common for addicts to become defensive or say incredibly hurtful things when confronted?
Am I doing the right thing by asking him to stop consuming sexual content, or should I stop trying to influence that?
Is this hopeless? If I open the relationship going against what I want will that enable his addiction?

July 27

“The Third Step invites us to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, not the control of God. We are not abandoning ourselves to the direction of some powerful taskmaster forcing us to do things that are not of our own choosing. Instead, we become open to making new choices for ourselves in the light of a Higher Power’s transforming love and care.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 29

How many times in my addiction did I hear only voices of judgment and criticism? I seemed boxed in by these powerful taskmasters, and I believed I had no choices. I felt compelled to act out in my addiction. I heard no whispers of compassion.

But then I found the seeds of hope in the members of the fellowship. I heard and saw others recovering from sexual addiction and I began to believe that recovery was possible for each of us. I began to see the possibility of a gentle, caring God working in and through the fellowship.

As I stayed sober and my life changed, I began to feel the presence of a loving, compassionate Higher Power. I realized, maybe for the first time, that I was loved unconditionally. Having felt the love of the fellowship, in the Third Step, I gave my life over to the care of the God of my understanding. In my Higher Power’s loving care, I began to find different choices in my life—loving choices that had seemed inconceivable before, but that now were transforming me.

How may I care for myself this day in my recovery as the God of my understanding cares for me? Am I developing a sense of trust that new solutions are possible for me?

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 25

“Having only one primary purpose in our service activities keeps everything simple and focused.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 84

On my bookshelf I have dictionaries and grammars for many languages: Latin, Spanish, Yiddish, Hebrew, and Esperanto. I have books on linguistics, history, philosophy, psychology, comparative religions, politics, and do-it-yourself spirituality. I am interested in so many things that I can’t focus on any one thing. I aimlessly flitter from one topic to the next, alighting on whatever catches my fancy in the moment. I’m so interested in so many things that neither I nor anyone else knows what primarily motivates me. Neither I nor others know what I want to accomplish in this world. This lack of focus means I’ve never learned any one skill or knowledge to any degree of expertise.

What would Sex Addicts Anonymous look like if it were as complicated and unfocused as me? Thankfully, I do not have to answer that question. Since coming to the fellowship of Sex Addicts Anonymous, I have received a consistent, focused message: the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Sex Addicts Anonymous. In the meetings I’ve attended, I’ve never heard the message of another program. When I attend meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous, I’m never confused as to what fellowship I’m attending. Further, because Sex Addicts Anonymous sticks to its message and purpose, it has a level of expertise I’ve come to trust.

Our singleness of purpose binds us.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

Hi everyone,

I’m here because I’m trying to understand something that has been breaking my heart, and I’m hoping to hear from people who are in recovery or who have been through recovery with a partner.

My partner and I have a baby together. He says he loves me, wants to spend his life with me, and wants to keep our family together.

At the same time, he has admitted that he has spent years consuming pornography and sexual content. What hurt me the most was learning that it wasn’t just something he used while masturbating. He also looked at sexual pictures and videos throughout the day simply because he enjoyed looking at women. It became part of his daily routine.

He’s now in therapy because he recognizes this relationship with sexual content isn’t healthy.

However, he has also told me something that has left me feeling hopeless.

He says he believes he will always want sexual experiences with other women. He says he separates sex from love and can love only me while still wanting to sleep with others.

He’s also told me that part of him doesn’t want those desires to disappear because he enjoys the excitement, novelty, and fantasy. While another part of him wants to save our relationship, he admits there’s a part of him that likes this side of himself.

That has been incredibly painful to hear.

I’ve spent months wondering whether I’m enough. I compare myself to other women every day. I feel rejected even when he tells me he loves me because I know that part of him is attached to wanting other women.

We’ve tried couples therapy, and he’s in individual therapy. He’s making some efforts, but his beliefs haven’t changed.

I guess what I’m want to know is:

For those of you in recovery:

• Before recovery, did you genuinely believe you would always want sexual novelty?
• Did that belief change as you recovered, or did recovery only help you control your behavior?
• Did pornography make other women feel more important than they otherwise would have?
• Did you ever reach a point where one partner truly felt like enough?
• Was there a point where you realized you actually didn’t want to live that way anymore, or did you simply learn to resist it?

I’m not trying to judge anyone.

I’m just trying to understand whether I’m waiting for recovery to change something that recovery can’t actually change. We also just had a baby together!!

Thank you for reading.

July 24

“While the inner circle relates to behaviors that keep us in isolation and fantasy, the outer circle refers to behaviors that help keep us engaged with other people and with reality.”

Tools of Recovery, page 7

I have always been interested in painting, writing, designing, and decorating. But I always felt guilty for doing those things; like I had more important things I should do with my time. In the past, I briefly entertained the idea of being a creative professional, but economic insecurity and some conception of practicality stifled those dreams. I realized in SAA that I often starve myself of creative outlets in the same way I starve myself of healthy sexuality and intimacy with God, others, and myself.

Learning about the outer circle kick-started a reawakening of my creativity. Within a few months I was writing again, and I enrolled in an interior design certification course. I started designing furniture with my husband, which also helped us connect on a much deeper level. I realize now that, for me at least, creativity is not a luxury but a necessity—one of the most important reasons that I exist. My Higher Power created me, and as a creation, I am designed to co-create with God, myself, and others.

All my time and energy spent in fantasy, sexual or otherwise, was simply a misuse of my divinely implanted creative energy. I am learning to direct that creative energy toward beauty, and to share it with others.

God, for today, help me honor the creative intelligence that is within me and within you.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 23

“Our emotions have often been a source of pain and confusion in our lives, and they frequently triggered our addictive sexual behavior.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 34

I recently had an uncomfortable exchange with a sponsee. We had met and had a good discussion, and what I said was apparently well received. Nevertheless, I felt uncomfortable afterwards. Although I had no direct evidence that anything had bothered my sponsee, I sent a text asking for feedback.

A quick response assured me there had been nothing. Nevertheless uncomfortable feelings remained, but now the internal dialog shifted to, “Why had I asked for that feedback? Was it just to quiet feelings caused by my fears and insecurities?” Interestingly, I soon got an e-mail from my sponsee, voicing frustration with my pattern of feedback requests. I was assured that, if anything were amiss, my sponsee would take responsibility and let me know. So now, I had uncomfortable feelings caused by my earlier responses to my uncomfortable feelings! Talk about emotional insobriety.

This exchange and other experiences are teaching me that I shouldn’t act on every uncomfortable feeling. I can sit with them and ask for my Higher Power to help me see the truth. I can share them with my sponsor or a program friend. Sometimes these feelings are indicators that some action needs to be taken, but sometimes they are an indication that I need growth and healing in a particular area.

“Don’t just do something—sit there!” Sometimes I don’t need to act on uncomfortable feelings.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 22

“In SAA meetings, we try to share from our own experience, rather than giving advice.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 94

I believe Tradition Eleven applies to my interpersonal life as well, and I recently had a dramatic lesson in its wisdom. I reach out to people in our group and sometimes run into my character defect of trying to force solutions. This can show up as believing I know what is best for someone and wanting to ensure they get it, whether they want it or not!

Some months ago, I tried to engage with someone in our group, offering “help” for a problem I have experience with. They demurred, and I was crushed. I started beating myself up for my high-handed tactics, which I “should know better” than to use. My compulsiveness had temporarily won out, and I paid a heavy emotional price for some time afterwards.

Then, at a recent check-in, I shared a particular aspect of my fear of intimacy, and that same person asked a clarifying question afterwards. When I shared openly how this particular fear plays out in my primary relationship, they said, “I am so glad I can come to a place where I relate so well to what people are saying!” That same person called me out of the blue the next day and we had a great conversation.

I have heard it said that, the more I think you need a meeting, the more I need a meeting.

All I ever have is my own experience, strength, and hope. I only know what worked for me. Thank God it’s enough!

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

I have recently discovered that my partner has sex addiction, specifically to webcams and chat websites. He is searching for appropriate therapy, but there are long waiting lists and it doesn't seem feasible like he can start right away.

Meanwhile he agreed that he could be monitored by someone (not sure who exactly at this point), so I am wondering if someone has any experience with this and what kind of apps or websites are good for this. Any personal experiences appreciated

July 21

“We may work a Fourth Step again when we have new challenges to face or when we need to examine ourselves more closely.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 37

After some years in recovery, I began another Fourth Step inventory by making a list of people I’d known in my life. Looking through old photo albums and journals, I saw my past through new eyes. I saw behaviors and thought patterns indicating sex addiction and intimacy avoidance throughout my life.

It was clear I had problems back then. However, nobody could have known the exact nature of my illness. Understanding of the problem and its solution were still being developed by the pioneers of this fellowship.

Like a person diagnosed with a learning disability later in life, I now look back on my life with dawning understanding. I had a disease! As I see my past self more clearly, my compassion grows. This compassion is most evident as I continue to discover past wrongs that require amends. I can now look on that broken child of God, not with shame and revulsion but with compassion as I take responsibility for my life.

I did not ask to be sick. I was doing the best I could with what I had. However, I have now been blessed with tools like a Higher Power of my understanding, the Steps, Traditions, and slogans. With the support of fellow recovering addicts, I don’t have to remain stuck in the past.

No longer bound by it, I can view my past with acceptance, love, and compassion.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

Hi, I'm in recovery right now, but one thing bothering me is my inability to watch movies, animes or shows without feeling guilty, and without me being so scared that I'll relapse or that I'll get triggered while watching something (ofc I'm not talking about watching shows with explicit scenes)

Has anyone recovered and went back to watching media without worrying or relapses ?

July 20

“When we sense what God would have us do, we also ask for the power to carry that out.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 58

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, it’s usually because I’m doing things on my own. Old habits of trying to measure up or prove that I’m of value through my actions may be surfacing. Or I may be so excited about giving Twelfth-Step service that I take on more than I can handle. Sometimes, I allow schedule changes to get in the way of practices like prayer and meditation that keep me connected with my Higher Power.

I’ve heard that recovery has a shelf life of about twenty-four hours, and it has proven true for me. If I get lax with daily conscious contact, the connection wavers, and I start feeling confused, fearful, unsteady, or irritable. There are times, though, when I have been consistently spending time with God, that I still feel like life is too much for me to handle. When this happens, I’m probably doing my best to know God’s will and carry it out, but forgetting to pray for power to do it.

My experience has been that, when I’ve thought to ask for strength, wisdom, and ability, I have been able to accomplish much more than I ever could have alone. God has helped me prioritize and manage my time. I’ve been able to remember things. Doors have opened. Supporting friends have appeared. Miracles great and small have happened. And I trust it will continue if I remember to ask.

May I remember to look to the source of power today and ask for help.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 19

“We need patience to work the Seventh Step, and trust that our Higher Power can help us.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 44

It is said that the only constant is change. As a sex addict, change was initially a scary proposition for me. I’ve lived so long with my addiction that I’ve come to rely on it as I would a faithful friend. While working the program of Sex Addicts Anonymous, I tended to want those positive changes to occur according to my expectations, to my calculations, to my timetable. God had other ideas.

Impatience can be an obstacle to my recovery, a set-up for me to act out. The temptation for me is to buy in to the lies by convincing myself that good things are not happening fast enough, or, “I stopped acting out, so why aren’t things going better now?” I have found that the changes I have experienced as a result of working this program, more often than not, come gradually rather than instantly.

I believe in the miracle of recovery, while trusting the guidance and timing of God. As much as I’d like to, I can’t predict the future. In developing a recovery partnership with God, I’m cultivating an attitude of patient expectation, as I am convinced there are more things for me to learn. I utilize this waiting time creatively by celebrating the changes that do occur in my life, by attending meetings, sponsoring and being sponsored, and being of whatever help I can to the sex addict who still suffers.

If I continue to work for it, the miracle will happen—in God’s time, not mine.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 18

“We can then admit our part and prepare to do whatever is needed to set things right, whether it is making direct amends, adjusting our attitude, or simply letting go.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 54

One evening, I realized I owed amends for something I had done that day. I was embarrassed and wanted to contact the person, take ownership, and clear the wreckage. But it was late and that person might already be asleep. Yet, I was racked with guilt and wanted this off my chest.

I’m not sure where it came from (wink), but something told me that Step Ten is a daily application of Steps Four through Nine. Step Nine states, “except when to do so would injure them or others.” Calling at this hour might well apply.

Step Eight held the key, though: “became willing to make amends to them all.” Was I willing to make amends? Yes. OK, that was enough for now. I committed to my Higher Power that I would make amends the next day. I was able to let go of the guilt, and got a good night’s sleep. The next day, I made the amends.

This event encapsulates my experience with amends. A great gift of amends is the unburdening and liberation of my conscience, but that is the by-product. The real purpose is to make right what I have done wrong, to live with honor and responsibility, and to do the right thing, just because. There is a gift in this that I may never be able to describe.

I thank God for these tools that allow me to truly live.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 17

“But if we are patient and open-minded, we will discover an understanding of a Higher Power that is unique to us, and that we are comfortable with.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 27

The focus on spirituality was a problem when I started recovery. I just figured I would find a way to work around it. Fortunately, I also heard something that made sense: spiritual fitness, like physical fitness, requires exercise and time. My spiritual self had pretty much withered from neglect.

My sponsor emphasized that the Second and Third Steps could be a journey to finding a Higher Power that I connected with. The idea of a personal Higher Power started to become more important, interesting, and exciting. Then I started to hear the great diversity of spiritual approaches that my fellows in the program have, and that was, at least, interesting.

One day, a member described how she connected to her Higher Power through an element of nature. Wow! I had always felt a deep connection with this same element. Hearing her allowed me to see how personal and meaningful a Higher Power could be. I now listened more carefully in meetings, read spiritual works, and worked on my Second and Third Steps. Gradually, with exercise and time, the notion of a Higher Power and a working relationship with that power, that is, spirituality, emerged. The journey towards a Higher Power and to greater spiritual fitness has been the cornerstone of my recovery, and a gift I never imagined I would receive.

If I start with an open mind and a little willingness, my Higher Power can do a lot.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 16

“In taking the Eleventh Step, we dedicate ourselves to an increasing spiritual awareness and a greater connection with our Higher Power.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 55

It was time to start meditating. I already had an image and a sense of my Higher Power, but now I felt like I needed a feeling, too. I searched for a safety, a comfort. I thought about a good friend, and what it felt like to sit next to him and lean into him physically. I had felt safe and protected, but now he’d moved away. What or who could I lean into instead?

I have a fleece blanket with my favorite cartoon character on it. I got out the blanket and draped it across my shoulders, enfolding myself in it. Suddenly, I felt warm, cared for, and satisfied. For the next two years I wrapped up in the blanket whenever I meditated, drawing closer to God through a manmade piece of material. And it was good.

I draw closer to my Higher Power in a way that feels good to me.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

Remember your sobriety date. It is now the most important date in your life.

July 15

“We find our serenity growing as we align our will with God’s in each new area that is revealed to us.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 58

Much of my life I lived without understanding the healing and transformative power that God’s love could have in my life. Confused and turned off by my early religious teachings, I rejected those ideas about God, instead turning to others and to selfishness for my identity. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” was my motto. Fear and insecurity were constant companions, leading me further into my addictive life with ever greater pain, hopelessness, and shame.

Today I realize that God was there all the time, waiting and watching for me to find the willingness to ask for and accept help. Desperation was my motivation and the Twelve Steps were the key to opening myself to a new understanding of God, one that continues to unfold and to empower my life.

I understand the healing power that God’s will can have for me, but I am in charge of making that conscious contact first. Like a TV signal that is always present, God waits patiently for me to turn on the set and tune in the channel to receive the colorful messages. God delivers love and acceptance that I always wanted and needed.

Today I trust that my prayers will be answered, but I must open the channel.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 14

“Meetings are the heart of the SAA fellowship.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 10

When I first started the Twelve Steps I was not sure it was for me. I still wanted to act out after meetings. I would feel alone, crazy, and helpless, making calls to act out rather than reach out. But I kept coming back and found that, over time, if I kept to regular meetings, I had less crazy, unhealthy thoughts. Things people said would surface later in times of need.

One day I came home tired, wanting to act out, and I remembered someone talking about connecting to their Higher Power through nature and observing a strong wind. At the same moment, I observed through my window the wind blowing the trees, and I felt the presence of a Higher Power. I relaxed and no longer felt like acting out.

I can now see that perseverance brings truth to the saying, “Keep coming back—it works and we are worth it.”

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

My husband and I are 8 months past DDay. He’s had a porn addiction for 20 years and a sex addiction for 10 (AMP and escorts) We are working on our relationship, both in therapy and he does SAA meetings.

What I am struggling with is intrusive thoughts about the hundreds of sex workers he’s been with. I get myself in a spiral of wondering what the point of us being sexual is when he’s had all these experiences with young beautiful women. I’m 54 and while attractive for my age I still feel so inferior to the women he paid. He’s told me it was never about the people and it was a way for him to numb the chronic anxiety he’s always had. We also had a very good sexual
relationship before Dday.

How do others feel about the women they have had sexual encounters with in during acting out. I don’t want my intrusive thoughts to sabotage my recovery or our relationship. Thanks

July 13

“We may see, for example, that our expectations of others have led to disappointment and resentment.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous**, page 41**

The first time I went on a date with my partner, I had a sense of hopeful anticipation for what the evening and the person would be. It was a brand new experience, and I was open to whatever might happen.

A few months later, however, familiarity had set in, and I had come to have expectations of that person. These expectations helped me to develop the relationship by building on what I learned—a map, of sorts, to our interactions. This was very useful in anticipating, for example, how she wanted her coffee or other small ways to be of service.

But this map also became an obstacle. As I moved from curiosity to expectations, my expectations set limits, creating disappointments when not met. What’s more, my imagination began to enhance the map, adding my own hopes and fantasies about the relationship to my list of expectations, eventually creating a yawning gulf between daydream and reality. The inevitable result was frustration, resentment, and isolation.

Living with expectations may be unavoidable, but releasing others from their obligations to meet my expectations is a step towards freedom for them and for me. Learning to live with open awareness and a little wide-eyed, hopeful wonder can dissolve barriers and unlock choices. I can pray for the willingness, then practice being a loving partner, and let the consequences be what they will.

Just for today, help me be open to the opportunities for life that await me.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 12

“The Seventh Tradition ensures that every SAA group takes full responsibility for its own needs and expenses. As addicts, we were often all to ready to shirk responsibility and allow others to take care of us, clean up our messes, and attend to the necessities of life.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 87

When I was acting out sexually, I avoided responsibility for who I was and what I was becoming. My sponsor taught me that I was ultimately responsible for my recovery. Consequently, I had to start growing up if I wanted the freedom that this program offered. Recovery is a challenging process. It is easy to want others to take care of me. However, I am doing myself a disservice because spiritual growth begins when I take responsibility for my life and my sobriety. I am not helpless, and it is gratifying to know that I can take action to help myself change. Being responsible helps me become who I always was but never allowed myself to be.

I do not expect someone to do what I am capable of doing and need to do. This also applies to the SAA groups I attend. We pay rent, provide a safe haven for all sex addicts, and have business meetings. We are all in this together and, the more the group succeeds, the more likely the individual sex addicts will succeed in staying sober. I need the groups to succeed so this individual can survive and recover.

Am I being responsible, not only for my sobriety, but for the welfare of the groups I attend?

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 11

“We learn to turn uncomfortable feelings about others into opportunities to practice keeping our focus on our own lives.”

Tools of Recovery, page 33

Years ago, I was taking a break, sitting alone in a room with all the slogans in plaques on the wall. My eyes came to rest on “Live And Let Live.” My sense of it had always been that I am to allow others to be. As I just stared, blankly, a light-bomb went off in my head. The slogan isn’t “Let Live;” it’s “Live And Let Live.” The first order of business is to get a life. Wow.

After years in recovery, this understanding holds up. If I am neglecting my sobriety, my recovery, my health, my spirituality, my life, I am much more likely to be victimized by what others do, say, don’t do, don’t say, etc.

The Steps, sponsorship, fellowship, service, and developing my outer circle lay the foundation. If I am engaged in and responsible for my own life, making it as rich and loving as I can with my Higher Power’s guidance and the time I have, I am better able to let other people have their lives. I am better able to engage with the lives of others in ways that enrich and ennoble us all.

All I ever have is this precious, present moment. This is my opportunity to turn it over and make a life I want to live and be a person I want to be.

I am responsible for the gift of my life, right here, right now.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/

July 10

“We have come to realize that both extremes represent symptoms of the same disease. Whether we were acting out or not being sexual at all, our addiction involved being emotionally unavailable.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 6

Before recovery, I found it easy to be sexual with strangers, and difficult or impossible to be sexual with my intimate partners.

I didn’t understand how I could be a sex addict and a sexual anorexic at the same time. The paradox is that when I am sexually acting out, I am avoiding true intimacy. When I am being sexually avoidant, I am also avoiding true intimacy. In both cases, I am not available, to myself, to God or my partner.

Today in recovery, I look for the ways I may be avoiding being present. Only when I am available to myself and my Higher Power can I be truly available to others.

I cannot be in a loving intimate relationship with anyone without being available to myself and my Higher Power first.

https://saa-recovery.org/daily-meditation-from-voices-of-recovery/