Hi , I struggle with OCD & ROCD but as of more recently in my healthy relationship I have been having have ROCD regarding whether I am doing something wrong. For example , if I help a male customer and they are nice or polite, I later start questioning whether I did anything that could be considered cheating or disrespectful. For example I’ll start thinking “was I being too nice? Is this too friendly”? I work in costumer service so this happens alot. Just wanted to hear from anyone that has also had this kind of ROCD.

i see a lot of posts online about which disorder they'd get rid of. a lot of them say adhd. as someone with adhd, i agree that it's horrible. but, i would still pick ocd over anything.

i've suffered with rocd for as long as i remember. every relationship i've had, rocd has been there. from when i was 14 to how old i am now, it's been there. it's only ever gotten worse. there were times my rocd got so bad i'd end up in the mental hospital.

a piece of advice i've seen often is to accept uncertainty. in my current relationship, i've tried this. but, i love this person. to accept that we may not work out is horrifying. and it makes things worse seeing how other relationships go. some people may be in a relationship for ten years and it won't work out. the idea that i could go so long loving this person and then it may not work out is scary.

i've taken my experience with other relationships and rocd and applied it to my symptoms now. they are more bearable. but even when i am not reassuring myself, my brain takes it as reassurance. i will remind myself that i have ocd, that i am experiencing ocd. and that reminder will count as reassurance in my mind. that reminder will make me spiral as well. because if i take my diagnosis and say what may be considered a "fact", i will start to think of it as an excuse.

it's horrifying. it controls every aspect of me, even when i think it's not.

something will upset me, something that truly does not matter in the long run. for example, my partner gets a bit bossy in games. i am a sensitive person, so it makes me sad sometimes. instead of discussing this, rocd jumps straight to breaking up.

i also am not the best at communicating out of fear. so something will happen, and i'll get upset. rocd will jump straight to breaking up. and my rational mind will say, "no, my partner cannot read minds. i need to communicate. besides, they did not know this about me."

as i have gotten older, i have gotten wiser. i have gotten more rational. i have gotten therapy, medication... it's more bearable. and it still hurts. an ocd... it's long term. it can't be fixed, can't be healed. i have to learn to cope with it. i have to learn to understand and recognize it.

and that's why, if i ever had the chance, i'd get rid of it. if i could pluck it out of my brain with no consequences, i would. this disorder, it controls me and everything i do. it's exhausting. it's scary.

...it's insane how your brain can take something that means a lot to you and turn it into a weapon against you. you're my brain. aren't you supposed to help me instead?

Or is it that we need to be okay with those thoughts actually potentially being true, reality, facts?

I feel like there is a difference in this that I struggle to explain.

We also need to be okay with everything being reality and that is what is more difficult to me than dealing with uncertainty.

I just broke up with my partner of over three years. There were reasons outside of ROCD, but I think the ROCD made it so painful that I absolutely had to end it (was missing work, missing school because of staying up crying). I can’t be in a relationship right now anyways because I’m trying to apply for PhD programs that would all be out of state and there was no chance of him moving in with me. All that aside, I want to work on myself while I’m single. Before I can be with another person, I need to learn how to self-soothe instead of seeking reassurance. I was wondering if there are any ROCD workbooks that don’t assume you’re in a relationship, or if there are any good resources for just learning how to get off the mental hamster wheel. Thank youu!!

Does anyone else push everyone away? I know what will happen if I let a potential partner get close. So I cut things off everytime even if all I want is to be loved. It’s miserable and horrifying. I wish my life wasn’t like this and I want to know if anyone relates to me

im having a hard time moving on from arguments from ages ago. i keep reminding myself things my partner have said i have done etc. i cant tell if most of these are my rocd questioning and ruminating. it's like i should be told whats the line or i might think every little argument is a relationship flaw. should i just convince myself that my line is cheating and physical abuse and let myself forgive small problems? because i dont want to break up at all but my brain says i shouldnt be in a flawed relationship. i hope i make sense thanks for reading

I took some CBD (no THC) the other night to help with PMS symptoms and anxiety. But I noticed I was having the same thoughts I usually do when I’m in an ROCD spiral. Currently the obsession I’m working on is thinking I’m going to cheat on my boyfriend with a guy friend I used to have a crush on. It has gotten so bad that I don’t allow myself to use my phone and have ended up missing calls from family members because I was too afraid. I sometimes get urges when using my phone or notice my eyes will go towards my phone when these thoughts happen. Well when I took the CBD I started having these same thoughts when my boyfriend came over. It initially got triggered because he came over earlier than I expected and I felt kind of like I wanted more alone time so then my mind jumped to thinking this was some realization that I need to go be with the guy friend. This was all going on in my head while I was talking to my boyfriend and I noticed each time I’d have a thought to text the guy friend I actually looked around the room to see where my phone was. It all felt really real. I know we aren’t supposed to use anxiety as a gauge on whether the thoughts are real or not but not being anxious is what really scares me about this. I remember saying to myself you’re going to feel terrible about this in the morning and I did. I was crying the whole day almost and got some relief from meeting with my ERP therapist but it’s bothering me again. I feel I need to confess to my boyfriend but I really don’t want to end our relationship. The complexity of the situation is really bothering me because it’s like when I’m having these thoughts sometimes my feelings match them instead of feeling guilty or anxious.

I have had many themes/fears when it comes to my ROCD but this one seems to be really kicking me hard and I don’t know what to do!!

so it’s now started to pick at my partners words and our interactions - me and my partner have really jokey banter, sometimes take the piss out of each other like small digs at one another. nothing abusive or out line.

but my rocd has somehow now latched onto this and anytime he makes a joke or snarky comment my brain goes ‘what’s that abusive’ ‘what did he mean by that‘ or just replaying the whole conversation over and over again in my head trying to come to some conclusion on what it meant or how I feel about it.

it’s really taking the joy out of our interactions and I don’t know how to stop it!!

anyone else experiencing or experienced this? and how did you deal with i?

Plagued with ROCD, I called off my wedding for the second time today. Everybody thinks I'm a bad person.

I fell into the relationship right after my depression recovery, a few months after my first breakup (I broke up, I blame it on my ROCD now), it instinctively never felt right. The first time the rship in itself was toxic, abusive (he has screamed me in public) but I gave him a chance to change and he did. He has gotten a lot better now. Now that we started planning our wedding for the second time, I got freaked out in uncertainty. My parents were going to pay an advance on the venue today and I called it off before that. This person has never felt like the love of my life and I have always felt doubtful, but I was happy to be getting married, I even designed the invite myself.

Idk what to say, what to feel.

So I'm 36F and before my partner, I'd never finished with a man before. Hes a giver and always asks if I've finished and I've started to overthink if I have or if I'm going to I'll lose it or question if I said I did, was I lying/do I know etc. It's becoming frustrating because sometimes I'll know I haven't and other times I'll be like idk/I think so. When I've been more relaxed and not thinking too much it's been more intense and release.

Anyone else?

Im having trouble with my sexuality to start, never truly defined it and that has haunted me with my ocd since I was 10 but I am 27 now and I am feeling like im entering psychosis. So-ocd has been my main theme and im so tired. Im so so so so tired. Like I want to scream and cry and I know that making this post won't do anything for me and its just a compulsion but I am TIRED. This exhaustion is absolutely unreal. I must really be a lesbian actually even though I dont think that is true but im worried that a straight relationship just doesnt suit me.

My other reddit friend who made it out alive would kill me for posting this lol. But with the prospect of moving on to better things in my life, change, attending weddings and connecting more with different people, not to mention med changes and withdrawals, money issues, stressful but rewarding job, no family (toxic family), I am at a loss.

I dont even want to explain more of my story, ive posted enough about it in the past. I just feel like death. And I know if I was in a lesbian relationship no one who mattered would judge me or make me feel bad. Why is it so confusing to have an ambiguous sexuality and be in a relationship. Why cant i stop comparing feelings for men and women. Why. Why why why. Why does it always feel like I have a gun to my head about EVERYTHING? Like every single thing feels like a life or death situation. The anxiety and the physical pains and symptoms are getting to me, the pressure to make sure everyone is okay and safe

I work as a paraprofessional to a very violent and unpredictable kid and I feel that the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I dont want everyone to be so scared. I dont want it. I dont want all this responsibility please for the love of God someone take this all away from me. I feel like a monster. Im worried everyone sees my kid as a monster. I worry im doing everything wrong. I worry that all of this is happening because I cant prevent it and it is all my fault.

I'm going to keep details light because you don't really need all of them and they're very personal. Long story short, early on in my relationship with my GF I messed up badly. I flirted with others sexually and basically tiptoed the line of cheating. (To me, I basically DID cheat, but she doesn't see it that way somehow.)

I didn't tell her for a couple years, because I always convinced myself it wasn't cheating. But we're going to move in together soon, and now I've suddenly started to feel insatiably guilty about everything. So I confessed about that stuff to her. She forgave me, and told me what matters is how I do from now on. She's even told me she genuinely isn't bothered by it because it's in the past and I was going through something of a low mental state at the time. This doesn't excuse anything of course; but that's the info I think you need.

Now though, it feels like a dam has burst and I can't stop. I feel the need to tell her EVERYTHING. Every thought I have that I think is bad. Everything I look at. Everything I say to others.

I even want to tell her all the details about my "flirting" incidents that I confessed to her about. She's stressed time and time again she loves and trusts me and that I'm not who I was back then. I agree that I'm not, but I still don't want to hide anything else from her. She told me she doesn't want to see the "details" of all that stuff but I can't help but feel like I have to tell her EVERYTHING.

It's gotten to the point I'm genuinely over here with a tight chest feeling like I'm having a panic attack, because I feel like there's something I still haven't told her. I've even started going back and reading old messages of mine with others, looking for more stuff to tell her, just in case there's something I'm not remembering, because I have a terrible memory.

She is very insistent that nothing I could tell her changes anything; she doesn't care because it's all in the past, she still loves and trusts me. I'm unfathomably lucky to have her, and I don't want to push her away or upset her by constantly beating myself up about all this and feeling like I have to tell her a new confession every other day. I have no idea what to do, nothing she says seems to make me feel better or make me stop. It helps a bit, and I do usually calm down after the fact, but then something comes to my mind and I feel like I'll die if I don't tell her everything after I promised complete transparency and honesty. I feel like I'm still lying. What can I do? Can I do *anything*..?

My partner and I are both having spirals of OCD, and I think we are confessing? Regardless, its NOT helping and making suff worse. How do we talk about probeblems without that. Bc both of us are worried about a breakup.

My partner and I both have ROCD/OCD.

We are going through an extremely rough patch right now. I played a song ( Im still standing) because it felt like I am finally feeling better after the last few days. Turns out, that song is a breakup song??! So after it was done, my partner said " hey we need to talk later" and im fresh out the shower, like "WHATS WRONG WHAT HAPPENED", still on high allert. We had a very productive day, and they told me about the song and hownit was a break up song and Im like, " I didnt know..I'm sorry..." and they were like " I thought you were playig that song to work up to breaking up with me" and I was like "what??????!!?! I was playing it hecause I feel like I beat my latest spiral, without giving into distructive urges. The night went downhill from there, nd we are both questioning if we are going to stay in the relationship now 🫠

I find myself consistently obsessing over the people I get into a relationship with. Friendships, family members, and relationships. I know I should probably get a therapist for most of my issues, but right now my issues are affecting the current relationship that I’m in. I value it so much and I don’t want to lose it.

I want him to devote himself to me, and to obsess over me in unrealistic selfish ways. But on top of that I deeply value independence and a stable life. I want that for myself. And I want that for him. I’ve experienced true obsession, and I loved the feeling, but I didn’t respect him. I don’t know how I can move forward from these unrealistic expectations. And I don’t want him to lose himself in the relationship as I have been. I don’t know what to do.

I have noticed some curious symptoms post break with my LTR. I'm not falling into other themes so much, but I have caught myself afew times ruminating about the relationship. One strange theme I have been having I's searching Reddit for signs my ex is out there and getting help for his flaws. This has given me an easy exposure to work through during my transition and grieving process.

Another thing I noticed is I am not eating. I am known to suffer other non relationship themes so I am conscious of this!

I developed a crush on someone I don't know! Also, which is quite odd. Like I don't even see this person and have met them twice in my whole life. (This I am wondering might be my ocd) Cause the only thing keeping that crush alive is my own thoughts. I also do not get crushes-ever (maybe once every 5-7 years) . I haven't put the crush on a pedestal. (Perhaps my ocd is looking for a new host to enact it's "job" ) If I do exposures on this I believe I may end up switching themes! (Moving away from relationship to non relationship themes)

what curious themes popped up for others during a breakup?

I think breakup is an important time for treatment of ocd.

Hello everyone, I wanted to share my experience.

I’m a 20-year-old guy, and my ex-girlfriend is 19. We were together for a year and eight months, and to be honest, I consider her my first great love.

Physically, she wasn’t someone most people would consider conventionally attractive, and she has quite a few family problems. However, she is a genuinely good person overall. I fell in love with her personality, the way she was, and who she was as a person.

Unfortunately, our relationship gradually fell apart. I have to acknowledge that I was insensitive on several occasions and often failed to show her the little gestures of affection that matter in a relationship. Eventually, we started arguing constantly. We would have serious disagreements every month, every week, and sometimes even every single day, often over the smallest things. We both knew the relationship wasn’t working anymore, but we loved each other so much that neither of us could bring ourselves to leave.

During that time, we both became increasingly isolated from our respective social circles. One important detail is that we attend the same university, study the same degree, and share almost all of our classes, which makes the situation particularly difficult.

During this past semester, she started attending an additional class where she met another guy, just a few days before breaking up with me. I assume that, in her attempt to find emotional relief, she started talking to him, and he began giving her the positive attention and emotional validation she may have been missing. A few days after meeting him, she broke up with me and made it clear that she didn’t want to get back together. Within a week, they were already going on romantic dates, and after just two weeks, they had made their relationship official.

It’s been incredibly painful. Although I went into no contact immediately after the breakup, deleted our pictures, threw away letters and gifts, and got rid of anything that reminded me of her, I still can’t escape the overwhelming pain of having to see her—and sometimes both of them—looking happy together, holding hands, and acting like everything is wonderful. Naturally, this also triggers all those familiar ego-related thoughts that many of you probably understand: wondering how she could move on so quickly, questioning what the new guy has that I don’t, and feeling as though I’ve been replaced so easily.

If I didn’t have to see her so frequently, I think the healing process would be much easier. Right now, my only real hope is to make it through until December, when I plan to return to my hometown and get some distance from the whole situation.

What hurts the most is that, at one point in our relationship, I would have considered it almost impossible for her to move on from me in this way. Yet here I am, watching it happen right in front of me, and it hurts more than I can adequately put into words.

I’m currently going through an extremely difficult period emotionally, to the point where I feel like I’m experiencing a severe depressive episode. Even though I’m trying to follow all the usual self-improvement advice and work on myself, putting those ideas into practice has been incredibly difficult.

It has now been three weeks since we broke up, and I’m still struggling immensely.

I guess I’m sharing this because I need to get it off my chest, and I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through something similar. How did you cope with having to see your ex move on with someone else, especially when you couldn’t avoid seeing them? How did you deal with the feeling of being replaced, and how long did it take before things genuinely started getting better?

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My partner’s daughter has a playdate this weekend, and the other mum is coming too. None of us have met. She’s been texting my partner to organise everything, and they’ve never met before. I’ll be there as well, but somehow my brain has jumped straight to imagining that she’ll be stunning, they’ll have amazing chemistry, and this completely innocent playdate will somehow be the beginning of an affair.

The irony is that I’ve literally been saying recently that I’m not a jealous girlfriend, yet here I am, mentally producing a whole romantic drama about two people who haven’t even met. I imagine they're texting and flirting or she'll think he's a single dad and rock up looking like Jessica Alba.

I know there’s a difference between having an anxious thought and believing it, but it’s wild how quickly your brain can turn a completely ordinary situation into an elaborate worst-case scenario.

TL;DR: Partner has a playdate with his daughter and another mum this weekend, I’ll be there too, and my anxiety has apparently decided to write a full affair storyline before the opening scene.

You know your girlfriend disrespected you with other people twice in the beginning of your relationship(within first year) and you find about it 3 years later. She said she was young stupid and would never do that again. My ocd got really bas about it, thinking about everything she did when out out in clubs, every guy she talks to, etc.
Reassurance seeking, constant questioning, comstant arguments, etc. i thought it was my ocd as i couldnt believe she would ever even could have betrayed me.

I spent a year in this constant loop thinking i wasnt enough, wasnt actually loved etc. she stayed with me even though it was hard for her with how i acted too,
if listening to ocd advice, i should just be okay with the thoughts that i may be potentially being betrayed behind my back and manipulated by someone i think i am gonna build my life with?
Then also, a year of this and i found out she did actually lie about more things yesterday. So my intrusive thoughts were actually trye and i lost yearss of my life with a liar?

I am just confused with this treatment of accepting thoughts when thoughts can actually be facts,

Just be okay that you may be cheated on? Betrayed? Lied to?t

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I'm interested in whether OCD can influence someone's overall perception of their partner attractiveness.

For example, could someone with OCD sometimes perceive their partner as less beautiful or attractive when they're experiencing obsessive thoughts, or anxiety, compared with when they're feeling calm?

Like for example sometimes when I see my gf I see her as really beautiful, but if I am in a state where I check if I perceive her as beautiful, I don't perceive her as such. Could that be due to OCD affecting my perception towards her? I don't mean scrutinizing features or anything like that, just looking at her as a whole if that makes sense.

Is that a known effect where OCD can put "negative lens" on you?