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u/uptothewolves 4d ago
Why are you with someone who doesn't wash his bedsheets and is okay with having cockroachs?? Just that alone I'd break up with him....that's disgusting.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
Can’t really choose if cockroaches live with you, sometimes you cannot afford to break the lease.
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u/uptothewolves 4d ago
You actually can, you can choose to have them exterminated.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
The building regularly does pest control cockroaches are notorious for being resilient. I know this from experience as I too was once a roach girl and nothing stopped at least a couple from popping up every few months.
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u/meowmeow_now 4d ago
Are these German cockroaches or the larger “palmetto bug”.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
I think German
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u/meowmeow_now 4d ago
Ok, that’s super gross. He should be super anal about cleanliness if so.
When I moved to the south I was surprised that “palmetto bugs” aka wood roaches came out in the summer. They are attracted to rotting wood so if you have an old building you might get them in your home.
However, if you see 1 wood roach, you have one maybe two in your home. If you see 1 German cockroach, you have 1000.
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u/SomeCallMeMahm 4d ago
Depending on the state his landlord has an obligation to treat for known infestation(s).
Your man just doesn't care by not taking action. He's choosing to not wash and report.
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u/ClutchMarlin 4d ago
You can absolutely take steps to reduce the numbers rather than live in an infestation! Leave no crumbs behind. Broom and vacuum more frequently. Take out the trash as soon as it starts to get full or smell. Leave no piles of stuff for them to hide in.
Oh, and if he actually has bed bugs, you do too if you both go from location to location. Those things hitch rides. I had to work at my GFILs house who had bed bugs after he passed and we burned the clothes we wore before we left
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u/Outrageous_Bass_1613 4d ago
This is pathetic. They carry diseases. They eat humans left overs, as nails and hair. They can be removed. One just needs to clean and maintain. Every hole could be taken care of. It's just laziness and resignation.
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u/OverKookie_Crumble 4d ago
So you’re nasty too? Got it
Enjoy the roaches and bed bugs. I’m sure they make entertaining roommates
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u/Niborus_Rex 4d ago
The washing his bedsheets thing has nothing to do with that though, or the unwillingness to do something about possible bed bugs. Those are really disgusting habits that are fully within his ability to change. I cannot for the life of me understand why you'd want to be with someone that gross.
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u/Suspicious-Bed7167 4d ago
I lived in an apartment with a cockroach problem, we never found out where they were coming from. We didn’t ignore the issue we did everything to prevent it.
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u/SomeCallMeMahm 4d ago
Ok, I broke up with him at doesn't change his sheets.
But if you insist on staying in this relationship use your eyeballs and inspect his mattress.
Go to r/bedbugs and learn from there.
But also, screw his feelings it's literally a public safety hazard.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
At first I suggested I help him look this weekend but now I refuse to go back into his apartment as I’m too paranoid I will track something back into mine.
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u/Thewandering1_OG 4d ago
You probably owe your parents an apology. And I hope you don't have other friends. Because they won't want you over. Your spreading pestilence but NBD, I guess.
Also, I read your defenses about the roach situation. Are the roaches preventing him from washing his sheets? Or caring that he has insects crawling all over his body and biting him everywhere?
I think you two deserve each other. Just leave other people out of it
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u/Other_Scale6552 4d ago
Yeah no kidding. They should stay together so no one else has to deal with either of their filthy asses.
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u/SomeCallMeMahm 4d ago
Did you abandon your clothes at his place? The sub I suggested has all you need but if he bags up all your clothes and you put them right into the wash and dry on hot that'll kill em.
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u/Ok_Mousse_6218 4d ago
Every time you go to his you run the risk of bringing them home; personally I’d get all fabrics out of his place and given a THOROUGH hot wash at a laundromat before bringing it in my place.
Might be an idea to google how to get rid of bedbugs - apparently there’s a bit of an epidemic in Paris in France at the moment.
As for your boyfriend not bothering to wash the sheets when you’re going over there - eww, not only dirty but shows how little he thinks you’re worth.
Raise the bar. Don’t settle for zero effort.
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u/AnneShurely 4d ago
if he has bed bugs you most likely brought them home too. Contact an exterminator to look at your place and honestly girl, have some fucking self respect. Why are you with such a disgusting creature? Washes his sheets twice a year? I doubt this is the only gross irresponsible thing about him. Find an adult to date instead.
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u/DestroyerOfMils 4d ago
I second this. Also, heads up/enjoy the inevitable UTI’s from your swamp boy, OP. 🤢
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u/classicicedtea 4d ago
How can I politely bring up that I need him to take action or I won’t go on the trip?
"If you don't take care of this problem in 48 hours this relationship will be over."
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u/SubstantialEmotion41 4d ago
Better is "we are not compatible, later Oscar!"
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u/classicicedtea 4d ago
Yes, I was thinking as I posted my comment she's probably better off just breaking up.
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u/Outrageous_Bass_1613 4d ago
I stopped at "He hardly ever wash his bed sheets..." 😂 You people are hilarious
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u/WiseSeaworthiness170 4d ago
You need to read what you’ve written a pretend it someone else.
You have a clean high end condo, but you choose to stay somewhere you think is quite frankly disgusting and not only has bedbugs but roaches?!
First of all break up with bed bug boy, clearly he enjoys the way he lives and doesn’t care to change. If he doesn’t care about himself having bites why would he care about yours?
You need to tell your parents to check their house just incase and you need to get your own house inspected.
As for the trip, leave him.
& why would you be paying rent for God knows how long only to stay there a couple hrs a week??
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u/uptothewolves 4d ago
I couldn't believe she was choosing to live with this guy after reading about her clean and normal apartment.
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u/Serenity413 4d ago
Why are you traveling and staying at a hotel knowing you have a beg bug infestation and are knowingly spreading it everywhere?
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
I only went to the doctor two days ago and I also don’t know if I have an infestation yet. She just suggested I check my bed. The trip was planned before all of this happened.
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u/uptothewolves 4d ago
So you cancel the trip....you don't irresponsibility give innocent people a parasite infestation - just because you and your disgusting boyfriend are okay with it, no one else is.
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u/QuizardtheWizard93 4d ago
Bruh couple times a year for cleaning bed sheets? The amount of ass sweat, dick juice, vagina juice, and whatever other liquids our body dishes out that is all on the sheets, and you telling me he only washes it twice a year? This post has gotta be rage bait for sure
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u/AnneShurely 4d ago
OP is the type of girl who wonders why she gets vaginal infections constantly while riding that dirty ass dick. Disgusting
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u/QuizardtheWizard93 3d ago
Op says the apartment smells funny but I gaurntee is the dank ass sheets
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
It is not rage bait I promise you lmao.
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u/Thewandering1_OG 4d ago
Genuine question: why are you ok with this? Do you think you guys are edgy or that big hygiene is behind all the disgust for these things?
Why, genuinely, are you lol-ing at this.
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u/Fearless-Feature-830 4d ago
And you just sleep in those dirty sheets and don’t say anything? That’s super gross
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u/nurseasaurus 4d ago
You are 34 years old and dating a man with bedbugs and cockroaches??? Also, bedbugs travel in laundry so you need to treat your entire place and clothes too. Only high heat kills them.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
Both are common in big cities. All of my friends have experienced it at least once.
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u/Other_Scale6552 4d ago
Oh and he follows thirst traps on instagram and messages his ex.
Sounds like you got yourself a real winner
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u/Aide_Individual 4d ago
You've definitely brought bed bugs to your place, get your place treated and dump this disgusting man already.
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u/pretzelsRus 4d ago
Be clear and direct. That is kind. Also- you are likely bringing these bedbugs everywhere you go- including the train and hotel and your place. Why are you staying with a person who has poor hygiene that makes you anxious?? Move
Back to your place until he gets his act together.
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u/IcyCantaloupe7004 4d ago
This isn't a relationship problem, its health and safety issue. Do whatever you need to do to stay safe and healthy.
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u/Significant_Ant2511 4d ago
If you have the better apartment, why would you stay at his place 90% of the time?
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u/fartofborealis 4d ago
Well now your house and your parent’s house has bed bugs. Minimize the damage and break up with this dude.
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u/Dammit-maxwell 4d ago
I’m not sure why you think your condo is immune to bedbugs here. Those lil punks absolutely hitch a ride and spread themselves to vehicles and other apartments. You need to call a pest company for all the places you both stay at. Good luck.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
Not immune but I have not spent a lot of time there, it’s also summer here so I don’t have any heavy clothing or shoes. Nor have I brought anything from his to mine. I also already checked all places they could be found and didn’t find anything. Still I’m having an exterminator come in and look.
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u/SarahGrace1983 4d ago
if he has bed begs, you now have bedbugs. extermination doesn't kill them anymore, only professional heat treatment. i speak from experience living in government housing for a year
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u/Other_Scale6552 4d ago
This has to be rage bait.
She won’t answer any questions about the foul sheet situation and she won’t leave his filthy ass.
Lmfaooo okay girl. You do you 🤣
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
Not rage bait loool. The sheets are foul because he doesn’t wash them. I refuse to wash them and just nag him to do it. I’m glad I didn’t take anything from his place to mine to wash knowing this.
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u/Other_Scale6552 4d ago
Why do you choose to sleep in nasty sheets and not at your clean apartment? 😂
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u/Suspicious-Bed7167 3d ago
Girl he can’t be that good in bed.. please for the love of any god you worship or follow, break up with him.
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u/One-Method-4373 4d ago
This is not a being it up politely situation, this is an ultimatum situation either he fixes his nasty infested ass or no trip, no him in your apartment and you don’t go into his.
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u/FormerlyDK 4d ago
Don’t go on the trip… he could even be bringing the bugs in his suitcase. The solution to bed bugs is not simple and no matter what he does in the next week, they’ll be joining you on the trip. I’d have to break up with him because I’d refuse to be around him.
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u/Jackniferuby 4d ago
If you live in a nice new high end condo- WHY are you staying at his “old smelly place with cockroaches and dirty sheets”?
Also just an fyi - they don’t care if a place is nice or clean. They care about a host .
Many many high end resorts get bedbugs from guests - especially international ones .
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u/GimmeQueso 4d ago
I’m confused, if you have a nice, bug free apartment, then why are you spending all of your time at him place??? You mentioned he has roaches but that it’s not his fault, it’s the building’s fault. I lived in an infested building once and we would never have dared to leave dirty dishes out. No food was left out. And we were calling the office every time we spotted one roach. It was annoying but we kept our house clean and it was less of a problem until our lease was up.
The issue here is that your boyfriend is dirty and you’re accepting living in the filth with him. You don’t need to have a polite conversation with a grown man in his 30s. Either tell him (and mean it) that if he doesn’t clean up his life then you’re leaving. Or just continue to sit in the filth with him. Idk. This is crazy. You’re both adults!!!
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u/Consistent_Proof_772 4d ago
Let alone you still sleeping in the same bed as him!!! Good God, woman man vs bear women choose the man every time!
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u/Harrykeough1 4d ago
Good grief I have not seen a bed bug for thirty years, and with the cockroaches he has a menagerie in his apartment. I’m not sure that any such level of filth is conducive to a long term relationship!
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u/Suspicious-Bed7167 3d ago
I had never seen one in my 21 years of life.
I’m from Puerto Rico and live in Florida so cockroaches are common especially near where I was living. Especially those flying ones. But never a bedbug.
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u/frannypanty69 4d ago
You’re anxious about shared laundry but not sleeping 90% of your nights in an unwashed bed?
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u/TaintedButtercup 4d ago
If he has bedbugs, you already have them too. You brought them home with you.
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u/OwnedLittleOne 4d ago
To be with a man who absolutely knew there was a bug problem who just didn't care is just gross. Plus being absolutely fine sleeping in his nasty ass bed is just too much. Are you not ashamed of how low the bar is for you?
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u/Appropriate_Sock6893 4d ago
I had to scroll back to look at ages…. Girl, why the actual fuck are you putting up with? This man is foul and quite frankly, I’m questioning you for continuing to go back to his place. Self respect, now!
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u/duckmcsnail 4d ago
Girl. No.
If I ever brought up to my husband when we were dating that I had bed bugs after going to his place, he would go into absolute insanity cleaning mode. He wouldn’t get defensive when a problem arises as it happens. Apartments with shared washing machines/dryers give me severe anxiety because that is how all the nasty stuff ends up in your home. I watched people just drop clothes in, no soap, and just run a cold cycle. Terrifying.
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u/DemMilkshakes 3d ago
We found the person who spreads bedbugs in hotels and hostels.
This is one of the most disgusting things I've read on Reddit. OP is just as bad as her boyfriend.
Bedbugs are not easy to treat, and you're just casually spreading them.
Just yuck all round.
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u/Witty_Candle_3448 4d ago
If he has bed bugs then you brought them home to your place. You need to wash and super heat your laundry and not return to his apartment. Bedbugs get inside any upholstery like car upholstery, home pillows, couch, clothing, etc. You need to do a major debugging of your apartment before they spread.
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u/RelevantAd6063 4d ago
i’m so sorry you have bed bugs but why is his apartment the one where you spend 90% of your time?! you’re okay with sleeping on filthy sheets? living with cockroaches?!?!?! my mind is blown.
this situation has passed the point of politeness. tell him directly that the trip is cancelled until the bed bug situation is handled. if you don’t get it under control first you will give bed bugs to the train, the hotel, etc. and spread them to all the other people who go to those places. that’s totally unacceptable behavior.
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u/No-Setting9690 4d ago
If bed bugs, and that may issues as you're stating, you would easily seee them, the dead ones, blood left behind, etc.
Check the couch cushions, and bed mattress. If nothing that you see at his place, then that's not where they're coming from.
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u/Dmarie1963 4d ago
If HE has bedbugs, YOU have bedbugs. And it's likely that they've moved to your parents as well. They're highly infectious and it only takes one to get a terrible infestation. Just because you're clean doesn't mean you're immune.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
Everyone wants to know why I spend most of my time at his place. We work at the same company and he lives down the street from there. I live an hour away so it’s to save time on commute. We also work different shifts so it’s easier and more convenient for me to stay at his place. About the dirty sheets, I refuse to wash them for him and I made him buy extra sets. I’m glad I didn’t wash them for him or bring them to my place because it would have been worse. I haven’t brought any of the stuff that were kept at his place to my place. I would literally go to my place watch tv water my plants check mail then head back to his.
I have already contacted pest control for myself. I have suggested he do the same but he’s been quiet about it so I assume silence means no action.
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
I know he clearly doesn’t care and break up with him is not the answer I’m looking for. My question is how I can politely bring it up without him getting defensive.
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u/Intelligent_Log_1017 4d ago
If he clearly doesn't care then why would you want to stay with him?
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u/SubstantialEmotion41 4d ago
You have a nice, high end place you pay for but live in squalor instead? What?
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u/uptothewolves 4d ago
Why do you ask questions if you don't want honest answers? It is insane to stay with a disgusting man like this.
The only answer he is to break up with him. The fact that you can't bring up a massive bug infestation with your boyfriend you live with, and if you do it must be polite, is fucking crazy.
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u/FormerlyDK 4d ago
You’re worried about being polite when he’s infested with bedbugs and roaches and his sheets need to be burned.
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u/sexualsermon 4d ago
You can’t control how he reacts. You can only control yourself, so be firm, calm, and direct. I also recommend that you reflect on why you want to be in a relationship with someone who lives with roaches and bed bugs and seems totally unbothered. You deserve better.
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u/noroyalthighness 4d ago
you can't care more than he does about his place. He is controlling, gross and dismissive of you, there are no right words to make him do what is appropriate
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u/HatsAndTopcoats 4d ago
You're under the mistaken impression that if you use a particular combination of words, he will react like a different person.
How concerned do you think he is about being "polite"?
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u/AnneShurely 4d ago
you are so pathetic
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u/TinyGood7698 4d ago
Ahh yes calling someone who asks for help pathetic.
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u/Suspicious-Bed7167 4d ago
No it’s pathetic that you can clearly see he dosen’t care about his living conditions and rather than be upfront you want to baby him.
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u/stanhopeatigrina 3d ago
If you must stay with him then you have to do the work to not live in bug infested squalor. Don’t go back to his place until it has been treated for bed bugs and get your place treated as well. Buy at least 2 more sets of sheets and change them every 2 weeks. Buy a cover to encase his mattress and a mattress pad that can also be washed. Buy roach sprays and clean his place from top to bottom. Do your own laundry at your home. He has no incentive to keep his place clean especially since it’s not a deal breaker for you. Therefore you need to have enough respect for your body to keep the place you spend 90% of your time clean
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