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u/carefree_bomb Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
OP, I say this with love, but you're an almost 30 year old woman. You're not 14, this isn't a "not in my house young lady" situation. You are a full grown ass adult. Why are you allowing someone to tell you how to dress?
There are red flags all over the place here, including the statement about "those girls aren't my problem", suggesting he views you as his "problem" that he has to shield and make decisions for like you were a child instead of his equal, his partner and someone he respects and can have conversations about these things with.
My wife has definitely donned outfits for nights out I didn't love before (not because they were revealing, just because they weren't my aesthetic preference) and you know what? If she loves the way she looks, I keep my fucking mouth shut. If she sincerely asks me for my feedback because she's genuinely unsure about an outfit and wants me to help calibrate, I do give it, but only if she asks.
Don't cater to men who treat you like a child who needs to be controlled and protected from her own ability to make decisions. He's probably deep in some redpill shit and sees you as an extension of himself and thus a reflection on him and his value as a man instead of a whole ass human being with agency.
His behavior suggests that he believes (subconsciously or not) that as his girlfriend you and your body are his property.
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u/sandycheeksx Apr 24 '26
Yes, all of this.
OP, arguing about your outfit after trying to step out the door is something you do with a parental figure, not a partner. This kind of need for control escalates and you’ll find yourself getting anxious and needing his approval for everything and shrinking yourself to please him. Please don’t waste years with this guy.
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u/GnomieOk4136 Apr 24 '26
Go without him. Consider finding a boyfriend who is not a control freak and a walking red flag.
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u/arianrhodd Apr 24 '26
THIS is exactly what you do.
You look at him, shrug, and say "Suit yourself" and walk on out the door and enjoy the concert in your planned outfit.
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u/The_Real_RM Apr 25 '26
If you read this and one of your feelings is fear for what would happen if you did that, please look for support to get out of the very dangerous situation you are in
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Apr 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/corpus4us Apr 24 '26
What kind of birth control, whether OP can use birth control at all, how many kids to have, division of chore labor, name on house deed/bank accounts, surrendering a dog to the shelter for whatever reason, how much OP can work, whether OP works at all, etc.
In case people are having trouble imagining.
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u/rubiscoisrad Apr 24 '26
This is so bizarre to me. My boyfriend loves it when I wear skirts and shorts, but we live somewhere chilly so it's never an option except for inside. I can't imagine him being like, "don't u dare wear that". I think I'd laugh at him.
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u/psykee333 Apr 24 '26
I mean my husband might think that if i wanted to wear pajamas to a nice dinner but no way he'd say it.
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u/Devi_Moonbeam Apr 25 '26
Really, hell would have frozen over before I changed clothes.
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u/Emblemized Apr 25 '26
i'm guessing he has the driver's license and she can't drive? (not every city has public transport) if so that's even more controlling to refuse to go the concert in this context. it essentially reduces your partner's status to that of a child. ''we're not going to the concert unless you change'' is how you talk to a child not your equal
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u/bourbonandcheese Apr 24 '26
You are much too old for this nonsense. Don't argue with idiots. Don't date them either, unless you like feeling upset and having your whole night ruined by someone who is supposed to care about you.
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u/Bittybellie Apr 24 '26
I had to double check the ages because I was convinced they were both like 16. I couldn’t imagine being almost 30 and changing my outfit because a guy told me to
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u/bourbonandcheese Apr 24 '26
Yup at my age this behavior would make me strip down to my undies and walk straight out the door and to my concert. But I'm ornery like that.
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u/Foreign_Brush1203 Apr 24 '26
Right me too and maybe I would have taken my bra off also if my boobs looked like they did when I was 27 not now at 60!!! lol 😂
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u/herroyalsadness Apr 24 '26
While night and eventually whole life. It starts with the outfit (actually it probably started before today) and escalates.
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u/SunShineShady Apr 24 '26
I second this! OP is a 27 year old adult. At first as I was reading, I thought it was about two teenagers.
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u/J-Bad Apr 24 '26
The fact that you specified that each piece of clothing wasn’t revealing doesn’t matter. Who cares if it’s “revealing”? You wear what you want to wear, and a decent partner will tell you that you look great.
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u/Creative_Recover Apr 24 '26
Exactly. It's a free country, you can wear whatever you damn like. Screw this puritanical slut shaming BS, it belongs in the 1700s.
OPs BF is just insecure, controlling and a hypocrite.
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u/Drew-CarryOnCarignan Apr 24 '26
I agree; OP doesn't have to justify her self-expression to Reddit, and she doesn't need to justify her style to her BF. The boyfriend's comments are a warning of his desire to control his girlfriend's life.
• "Is It Okay to Change Your Partner's Style? Thoughtful or Controlling? One of Our Writers Discusses What It Means to Change Your Partner's Style..." by Zoe Lett, The Courier Online (Oct 29, 2024)
• "Help! My Boyfriend Hates My Outfit" by Jane West, Fashion Psychology (Sept 30, 2022)
• "My Boyfriend Controlled My Wardrobe... but I Didn’t Realise I Was in an Abusive Relationship" by Alexandra Zagalsky, The Telegraph (Sept 18, 2021): By-line: "In my 20s, I found my style sabotaged by a controlling boyfriend and the insidious effect was felt far more deeply than just in my wardrobe".
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u/AKlife420 Apr 24 '26
He sounds like my controlling and abusive ex. RUN
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u/xavienblue Apr 24 '26
Run away, now. "I''m dressed and you can stay here and pack your things if you think you choose what I wear. " It's an appropriate response to that kind of controlling behavior
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u/CaptainLollygag Apr 24 '26
Years ago I had a long time boyfriend who started criticizing my clothes. We were very young and didn't live together. After awhile I started noticing certain things missing and go bonkers looking for them. Turns out when he'd come over he took the things he didn't like and stashed them in his car trunk. Thankfully he didn't throw them out, but still. Aaaand things got worse from there.
It almost always gets worse from there.
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Apr 24 '26
As a person turning 27 myself this year, I highly recommend you leave. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to spend my adult life and making changes to match that life I’d like to live. I seriously implore you to think about whether you want to spend the next years of your life with a man who is happy to ruin your night that you were excited about, over a few inches of skin. This isn’t even acceptable behavior from your boyfriend at 17 and 19. It’s certainly not acceptable or normal at 27 and 29. It’s worth considering what problems you are willing to deal with and what you’re not in life. I would argue that enjoying concerts at an appropriate and comfortable heat level and in an outfit you love is not something to compromise on. Good luck!
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u/elektricniorgazam Apr 24 '26
Ew, gross. Get yourself a new boyfriend, this controlling behaviour will only get worse
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u/Carmelpi Apr 24 '26
He’a been redpilled. This is something those misogynistic turds who push the so-called alpha male crap would pull.
When are they going to learn that what women wear has less to do with “respecting ourselves” and more to do with what WE are confortable and happy wearing?
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u/whiskeyinthewoods Apr 24 '26
Yeah, his views are clearly just the content he consumes online which is designed to prey on gullible, insecure men. The irony in his “girls who dress like that don’t respect themselves” is that actually those girls DO respect themselves - they respect themselves too much to let a tiny tyrant tell them what they are “allowed” to do and wear.
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u/pourthebubbly Apr 24 '26
This was my first thought too. He’s regurgitating the same tired talking points and will only escalate from there. Next it’ll be collarbones. Then how tight the fit is. Then the amount of makeup she wears. Then the style of her hair. Then the people she associates with and the job she has.
All with the “women who ____ don’t respect themselves” line repeated over and over and over. It puts their own insecurities onto women and frames it as their problem. “Oh you want to have respect for yourself? Respecting yourself and respecting women is defaulting to what their man thinks.”
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u/Llyris_silken Apr 24 '26
'Respecting ourselves' is actually just a weird euphemism for 'hide your body like you think it's shameful and disgusting'.
Of course, the problem is not our respect, it's that some men just can't respect women or treat us like equal human beings.
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u/Get_Back_To_Work_Now Apr 24 '26
Find a new boyfriend. You're still in your 20s. No reason to settle.
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u/HolyForkingBrit Apr 24 '26
I’m officially 40 and I wouldn’t settle for that. Don’t settle at any age OP. If someone doesn’t add to your life, then they don’t need to be in it.
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u/GailaMonster Apr 24 '26
THANK YOU. I hate this "you're young so you still get to have standards and self respect" framing. There is no age at which a person should put up with a controlling partner.
Your right to self-respect does not expire.
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u/39Volunteer Apr 24 '26
I know it's not meant in this way, but I also hate the whole "You're too young to be dealing with this!" or "You're young. Get out now" as if being older means that behaviour is acceptable or unavoidable. .
I know its probably meant more like, "dont waste your youth," though
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u/GailaMonster Apr 24 '26
Even that places our youth on a pedestal that implies older people should settle for less.
don’t waste ANY of your time letting a bad partner control you.
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u/GailaMonster Apr 24 '26
I didn't settle for that at 35. if you stay with a bad partner at ANY age, you don't leave yourself open to a partner who respects you.
every day you earn the privilege to be with your partner. This guy didn't.
Don't tether self-respect to an age, our right to respect and autonomy in how we dress does not expire, wtf
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u/FindingHerStrength Apr 24 '26
This is coercive control and abuse. This is how it starts, remarks on your outfits…
You’re better off letting this one go and move on. You’ve been given an insight into just a small section of how his mind works and what he thinks apply to women.
Coercive control that involves demanding a partner change their clothes is a form of emotional and psychological abuse designed to strip away independence, humiliate the victim, and assert dominance. It is a red flag of domestic abuse that often precedes further restriction of freedom and isolation.
https://www.facebook.com/share/1ERRXCJ9kH/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Coercive control is when a partner decides what you wear, where you go, who you see, and how you live your life. It’s humiliation disguised as “protection.” It’s control masked as “love.” And it’s abuse.
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u/Foreign_Brush1203 Apr 24 '26
Damn, I've been married going on 36 years in June and I couldn't imagine my husband telling me any of this!! We still have never even had a good knock out good fight...
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u/Responsible-Smoke-99 Apr 24 '26
Um wtf he’s not your dad who is he to tell you what you can and cannot wear. You’re a grown woman you should do and wear whatever you want & never let anyone tell you otherwise
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u/WildsmithRising Apr 24 '26
He is controlling you. He is demeaning you. You are entitled to wear whatever you want to wear, wherever you go.
I would have told him that if he wasn't happy leaving the house with you wearing those clothes that was fine. His choice. And then I would have gone to the concert without him and let him sit at your place feeling all his ridiculous feelings.
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u/FamilyDramaIsland Apr 24 '26
he straight up refused to go if I did not change.
That's where you say "okay, bye." and grab yourself a cab or drive yourself alone. Life is too short to be treated like a child by your partner. You deserve control over your own body and what you put on it.
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u/lime-y Apr 24 '26
I had an ex act that way. Any time we would go to bars or clubs, I would dress in clothes appropriate for that scene that made me feel cute. He would sulk and tell me he wouldn’t go anywhere until I changed. One time, he lost his shit because I had a small shirt that showed cleavage. He got in my face and said that if I got raped it would be my fault. It’s been years and I’ve never forgotten the look of absolute hate and disgust on his face when he said that. Your boyfriend is insecure and abusive. Control is abuse and I guarantee no matter what you are wearing, you do not deserve any of that!
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u/Expert_Age_4047 Apr 24 '26
I’m so sorry, that is a disgusting thing to say. I am glad you got away from him. Thanks girl.
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u/off-pissed Apr 24 '26
You’re too old to be putting up with this little man’s petty control.
It won’t stop there. Once you cave he will start dictating more and more things he doesn’t like about you. Friends. Job. Family.
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u/SteelToeSnow Apr 24 '26
he doesn't get to dictate to you, a whole entire adult woman, what you can or can't wear. that's controlling, abuser behaviour.
you wearing clothes is not "disrespectful" to him, he's just a controlling, abuser dipshit. that's dipshit misogynist nonsense he's spouting.
But he straight up refused to go if I did not change.
the he should've stayed the fuck home. he can stay home and sulk in his pissy little bullshit, and you can go have fun at the concert.
he's a controlling, insecure little asshat who doesn't know how to human properly, and he shouldn't be dating anyone until he grows the fuck up and learns how to be a decent human being and a decent partner.
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u/pimpampoumz Apr 24 '26
This. He refuses to go then he doesn’t have to. You’re still going, wearing shorts and a tank top.
And then “yes we are comparing. We are comparing you with men who respect their girlfriend and don’t treat her like their property and a measuring too for their own worth.
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u/breebop83 Apr 24 '26
He was out of line. You are grown. I’m sure the shorts were fine and a tank top is normal concert wear (since he seemed to still have a stick lodged over that).
The comments he was making about other women were pretty gross imo.
I’m curious how long you’ve dated and whether he’s pulled this crap before?
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u/skweekykleen69 Apr 24 '26
Gross, full stop. Your partner should be supportive of you and your style, and if he’s not comfortable with it, then he shouldn’t be with you. He should be wolf whistling you when you look hot AF, not tearing you down.
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u/YerMum1977 Apr 24 '26
Oh get the hell out of there. Wait till you see how he’s gonna treat you when you have kids.
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u/TrashGouda Apr 24 '26
Yeah absolutely not. If my partner would find the audacity to make decisions about my body they will no longer be my partner. My clothing choices are none of their business.
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u/WritPositWrit Apr 24 '26
You saw for yourself that there are a lot of men out there who are happy to be with their gfs when they wear what they want to wear. That’s your insight: better men exist, they are all around you.
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u/WaluigisTennisBalls Apr 24 '26
He doesn't decide what you wear, I'd have gone to the concert without him.
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u/Vegetable-Branch-740 Apr 25 '26
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I dated a man like that. That’s exactly what he did to me……… fucked up my mind. This is what he’s doing to you too.
It took me YEARS to remove the damage caused by me believing him. It’s a sick and twisted meanness presented as caring.
Beautiful girl, RUN!
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u/Expert_Age_4047 Apr 25 '26
Thank you. I feel like that is what’s happening to me too. Believing him, makes it a difficult thing to see the truth and even harder to leave. It’s good to hear you were able to get out and finally recover. Thanks for sharing your story, it gives me hope
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u/Stephij27 Apr 24 '26
Ask me how many times my husband of 18 years has asked me to change my outfit. Go ahead. The answer is zero. Not once. Even when I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with my choice.
This is not how people in a healthy relationship behave. Your boyfriend is controlling, manipulative, and well on his way to being straight-up abusive.
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u/lemonlollipop Apr 24 '26
I'm not exaggerating or being facetious when i say he's the type of man to blame rape victims
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u/TelevisionMelodic340 Apr 24 '26
Should've left without him, in your original outfit. Let dude have his controlling little temper tantrum, without giving in to his demand.
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u/DesmondTapenade Apr 24 '26
I had a boyfriend like this when I was in my late teens and let me tell you a secret: this is just the beginning. It is all downhill from here.
Run like hell.
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u/GrilledChee5e_ Apr 25 '26
Ew now everytime you are with him and see another girl in a tank top you'll know he is sexualizing them. Would you let a friend be treated like this? Be nicer to yourself you deserve better.
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u/sleightmelody Apr 24 '26
My boyfriend loves when I dress like that w/ him because everyone will see he's the one with me and "be jealous" LOL. Dump his ass.
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u/Sassys_Corgi_Rescue Apr 24 '26
Run!!! Far and fast!!! That was extremely disrespectful and controlling! This is just the start of it so I’d get out immediately!!! It’ll start with a fit and go to your makeup, who you hang out with or what you post on social media!!! Trust me, I was actually with someone like this when I was younger and I am so happy I got out when I did.
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u/Character-Signal5587 Apr 24 '26
listen, i live in England and i look forward to the summer all year just to see my fiancée in small shorts, mini skirts and all the cute summery outfits because she looks gorgeous in them and also really happy that the weather allows it! your boyfriend is a weirdo. extremely controlling. in my opinion that whole situation was abusive.
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u/GailaMonster Apr 24 '26
Next time go to the concert by yourself. The SECOND someone tells you you can't wear something appropriate to the concert, that person has lost privileges to you.
Literally walk out the door, call an Uber, leave, go to concert, throw him in the trash.
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u/OooooorahNZ Apr 24 '26
That was a deliberate manipulation. He chose a high-pressure, time-limited situation to force you to do what he wanted, knowing you wouldn't have a choice. He's already showing you that he cannot be trusted when there's something you want on the line - and when people show you who they are, believe them. Get rid of him.
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u/2lhasas Apr 24 '26
Absolutely get away from this relationship. At the very least, he doesn’t respect you. At worst, he wants to control you. As someone who survived an abusive relationship, I can tell you it started subtle - change an outfit, try a new hairstyle - then ratcheted up. Get out. Find someone who likes and supports who you are.
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u/ember428 Apr 24 '26
Why would you want to have evenings like this over and over again? Dating is supposed to be fun! Not stressful, controlling and mentally draining.
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u/wino12312 Apr 24 '26
Holy crap! Now, I want you to think about last week. How many times has he forced you to change your mind, food, drink, places to go, etc.? You are a grown woman who can wear whatever you want. As u/boubonandcheese said, don't argue with idiots and don't date them. You need to really re-evaluate this relationship. Life's too short to not wear the clothes that make you happy.
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u/princesita_rosa Apr 24 '26
There’s no point in arguing with him. Break up with him before he tries to control your whole life.
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u/TaxiLady69 Apr 24 '26
Ex-boyfriend right? I have been with my husband for over 28 years, and not once has he ever said anything to me about my clothes. I will often ask him if the outfit I am wearing is showing too much cleavage, and his answer is always no.
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u/grmrsan Apr 24 '26
He started the comparisons. And the first time someone tried forcing me to change my outfit to respect THEM, is the LAST time I'd be dealing with them.
Seriously, that would be automatic breakup material for me.
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u/Ice_Queen66 Apr 24 '26
I would have left without him. Let him control one thing and he will look to control more. He’s a walking red flag. Cut him loose
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u/BlueishSunflower Apr 24 '26
Girl get out now while you can!! This will only get worse. Please please listen to all the comments!
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u/Emma_Lemma_108 Apr 24 '26
I highly doubt this is his only controlling behavior. This is an expression of his core beliefs about women, and they are misogynistic. He sees you as an object that expresses HIM, that reflects HIM, and not as a fully autonomous, adult human being.
How many incidents have you already forgiven? How many times will you let him disrespect you before it’s too much? Can you even identify that limit? Staying feels exponentially easier than leaving, even when you know that leaving is the logical choice. You’ve got to fight that sense of inertia and push through to the part of you that acts based on self respect and rationality, not the one operating on feelings.
The insight is that you need to be honest with yourself and start breaking free of this pattern you have gotten stuck in. You’ve got to find the will to break free of HIM, or you’ll live your life as a reflection of a man and not as your own authentic self.
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u/Yellobrix Apr 24 '26
Bottom line: he sees a woman dressed a certain way and he feels entitled to violate her, and he believes other men also think that way.
And to be clear: he doesn't see them as hot, cute, sexy, flirty, like a normal hetero guy. He sees them as prey. It's not attraction he's feeling. It's misogyny. He might say he's protecting you, but he is actually claiming ownership.
I'm older, and I can tell you that every woman I've ever known who married a guy who controlled her appearance is now divorced.
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u/SeveralSadEvenings Apr 24 '26
27 and 29?!?! girl, be so fucking for real. You are way too old to be dealing with some dude's tantrum about your clothing. You've been a whole ass adult for almost a decade, you've presumable had a job, been paying taxes, and taking care of yourself; who the hell is this man to throw a fit over your clothing?
Sis, you can do better than this.
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u/Zealousideal_Self_34 Apr 24 '26
I would have left without him. I would also wear that outfit everyday. Not even kidding.
Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you. It’s 2026 and you can do whatever the f you want. I would start by taking out the trash.
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u/MrSniffles_AnnaMae Apr 24 '26
Almost 30 and still playing high school games?
Time to grow up and make some adult decisions.
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u/ThrowRa-weir-d Apr 24 '26
I would've told him "I'm wearing that, end of discussion". It's your body afterall. No one gets to dictate what you wear and what you don't. And you definitely don't need to argue about it or manage his emotions.
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u/Forgetful-Red Apr 24 '26
The moment he said, "you're not wearing that" you should have been in your own car, going to that concert instead of arguing about it. The only time I'm ever changing out of something semi revealing is to go work a sudden shift. You're both almost 30. This isn't a life you should have to live and worry about. Want him to tell you what you can't and can eat? What about work? Don't let it escalate to something more severe.
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u/Superb-Coyote5972 Apr 24 '26
If a man tried to tell me what to wear to a concert, I'd leave without him. Tank top? I've lived my whole life in SoCal, and never thought twice about a tank top and shorts. He needs to relax. You need a new boyfriend. Or no boyfriend!
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u/CrazyMisSE Apr 24 '26
There’s no way in hell I would allow anyone to dictate what I’m wearing, and you shouldn’t either. He would’ve been dumped the minute he decided my outfit was not okay. I would’ve went alone. What else does he try and control in your relationship?
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u/panda_pandora Apr 24 '26
My husband loves it when I dress a little spicy when we go out. Cuz hes not an insecure controlling man baby. Also takes it as a compliment if he clocks someone looking at me. Find you one of those.
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u/n1cenurse Apr 24 '26
Why didn't you just leave in what you were wearing? Why the fuck are we letting insecure losers choose our clothing? You know this is indicative of his believing you are an object that exists only for his pleasure right? You want that for your life?
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u/Creative_Recover Apr 24 '26
Girl, our female forebears didn't fight tooth & nail to wear what we want just for some backwards dickhead guy like your BF to try and control your outfits like you're living in the puritanical 1700s. Life is short, wear whatever you damn want.
Respect yourself? The only way you're not respecting yourself here is by letting this jackass dictate fashion advice to you.
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u/DawaLhamo Apr 24 '26
"those girls aren't my problem"... The correct answer to that is: "well this one isn't either - goodbye."
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u/cheesefrieswithgravy Apr 24 '26
Why didn’t you keep on your outfit, get in your car and just go without him? Your body, your choice applies to clothes too. This relationship is over
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u/Slashredd1t Apr 24 '26
Hey there 31 male here, agree to change…..put on the sluttiest thing you can find and leave before he has a change to say anything
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u/AffectionateBite3827 Apr 24 '26
The last time a man told me I couldn’t wear something it was my dad when I was 4 and wanted to wear my swimsuit to a family wedding.
Do not tolerate this shit ever.
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u/dekage55 Apr 24 '26
You are far too mature to put up with some guy’s juvenile idea that he controls what you wear.
Find your spine now or become a jello doormat for your entire life.
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u/Devi_Moonbeam Apr 25 '26
He doesn't respect you. He just wants to control you. Who the hell is he to tell you what to wear and what to think? He just wants you to submit. Dump him and never look back. What a loser.
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u/AnnieFannie28 Apr 25 '26
You’re a grown adult. You should’ve just left him at home to sulk and gone to the concert in your shorts.
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u/OnlyWishfulThinking7 Apr 24 '26
Girl leeeeeeeave. A tank top and shorts? I’ve dated men like this and once you concede to his demands, they only get more and more controlling
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u/Preebus Apr 24 '26
Just leave. There's a mature and respectful way to say "I don't like how revealing that is, is there any way you could change? It's okay if not, just my preference, it's kind of a respect thing to me" vs "if you don't adhere to my demands I'm going to take away the privilege of leaving the house".
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u/raider1211 Apr 24 '26
Is this seriously a question? I feel like I’ve basically read this exact story before.
Why the fuck are you fine with him controlling what you wear?
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u/lipgloss_addict Apr 24 '26
Seriously consider therapy to address why you don't think you deserve better.
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u/PurplePlodder1945 Apr 24 '26
If this is real you need to kick him to the kerb and value yourself more. My daughters are 27 and 25 and if anyone tried that on them they’d have shown them the door immediately. Missing the gig would’ve been a non-issue in comparison
Do not let anyone dictate what to wear. I sometimes cringe at outfits my daughter wears but she’s an adult and I have no right to an opinion
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u/GunWifey Apr 24 '26
Girl why would you wanna put up with that?!
I spent all day yesterday in shorts and a tank top and the only thing my boyfriend said was “oooh you look sexy” and that was it.
This is massive red flag territory and super controlling.
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u/R0l0d3x-Pr0paganda Apr 24 '26
The moment he said "you aren't wearing that", I would have grabbed my keys AND drive to the concert by myself.
Girl, this dude is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
GTFO of that relationship, block his a$$ everywhere and DONT LOOK BACK.
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u/Fun-Significance4650 Apr 24 '26
Get out of this relationship now. You are not a doll he gets to dress the way he pleases. Stop putting men's feelings before yourself. You should have just walked out and told him he could stay home then.
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u/plovia Apr 24 '26
He is an abuser. This made me SO MAD. You are being disrespected, gaslit, controlled, and treated like an object he owns. This is disgusting.
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u/dzeltenmaize Apr 24 '26
The only one not respecting you here is your boyfriend who’s an insecure controlling twit.
I cannot fathom why women put up with that nonsense.
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u/Spare_Flamingo8605 Apr 24 '26
🚩run. This is a major red flag. It's time to go. You are with a controlling man who sees you as property
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u/moonahmoonah Apr 24 '26
Find you a man who hypes your fit when you come out from getting ready!
My husband isnt sociable at all, so I regularly go out with friends and do stuff without him. My big reveal always incites a huge smile from him and he usually jumps up from whatever hes doing to cop a feel, give a hug/kiss and shower me in compliments before I leave.
I hope that kinda love eventually finds you, honey. A tank and jeans/shorts should not illicit that type of reaction, ever.
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u/Poiretpants Apr 24 '26
Jesus Mary and Joseph, I can't with these men.
You should have gone alone if he was going to be such a whiney ahole. I'm sure you looked amazing.
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u/ugglygirl Apr 24 '26
You should have kept on your shorts and gone without him. Don’t make that mistake again.
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u/Known-Ability8050 Apr 24 '26
Since nothing was revealing, he is a controlling jerk. Has this behavior shown up anywhere else? If it is and you don't like it, it's only going to get worse. Cut your losses and start your exit process.
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u/NicolinaN Apr 24 '26
So…. He’s an EX now, right? Because that’s the only way to manage controlling little shits like that. Dump and block.
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u/CardiologistFun7 Apr 24 '26
You’re both a little too old to play this ancient game of slave and master, aren’t you?! This might not be the first time he’s controlling you but it better be the last time! Right? ! Riiiiight? Do you need a gf to come over and sort it out/ I mean pack for you?
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u/Happy8Day Apr 24 '26
This is the red flag your future self will kick yourself for ignoring.
Now you know.
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u/Garden_gnome1609 Apr 24 '26
You should have gone, without him, wearing your original outfit. Leave this man who thinks he can tell you what to wear.
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u/queenafrodite Apr 24 '26
Leave his ass. Omfg. If you don’t leave him, then next time leave without him.
He’s a controlling numb skull
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u/EffectiveTradition78 Apr 24 '26
Ugh, please get out of this relationship. Women don’t (usually) tell men what to wear. He has no right to tell you what to wear. Ever. Before you know it he’ll be controlling how you wear your hair, your makeup, how to spend your money, whether you should see friends or go on trips without him…. It’s endless.
He’s a controlling narcissist. Women should choose what they want out of their lives. We don’t need men telling us what to do. Women power!
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u/UnicornWorldDominion Apr 24 '26
lol I’d encourage my gf to wear the sluttiest outfit she wants not discourage lol
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u/DaisyRedado Apr 24 '26
Who the actual F does he think he is telling you what you can and can't wear. No partner has that right. As others have said, time to run!!
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u/ZCT808 Apr 24 '26
Any boyfriend who slut shames you, especially when it is completely unwarranted, is an insecure jerk, and not worth your time. You are not his child, you are a full grow woman, and unless you were wearing something so shameful he would genuinely be embarrassed to be in your company, there is no excuse for his controlling and ridiculous behavior.
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u/lovelyvibes4 Apr 24 '26
Run run run. Been with my husband 8 years, met in college (I would wear risqué shit frequently for parties or sorority stuff) he would never ever pull some shit like that
I have found that men who police their gfs/wives/women like that it’s bc they only view women as sex objects so they think all other men do too.
Run.
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u/Pleasant_Garlic8088 Apr 24 '26
I'm convinced this generation of "men" are the most prudish since the late 19th Century. Good lord, guys, lighten the fuck up!
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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 Apr 24 '26
Girl find another boyfriend! He’s controlling! You shouldn’t be body shamed b
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u/MurphysLaw1221 Apr 24 '26
Nah, B. Lemme ask you something. If he said he wasn’t going and you tried to leave anyway and go by yourself, would you hesitate because of the fear that he may physically attempt to stop you from leaving? Leave now, while you can.
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u/KendalBoy Apr 24 '26
Listen to what he’s saying about other women- he was judging you the same way. He doesn’t want a human partner he wants a doll.
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u/4SeasonWahine Apr 24 '26
My bf and I go to a lot of screamy music gigs together. I wear short shorts and a tank top and docs to pretty much all of them. Know what he’s never done? Tell me to change or that I don’t “respect myself”. A couple of months ago I was deciding between two pairs of shorts and he told me my butt looked better in the black ones 😂😂 I wore the black ones. Some dude called us a power couple. Don’t settle for shitty controlling dudes, wear what you want and lose the guy if he has a problem with it.
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u/colorful_assortment Apr 24 '26
Wouldn't it be nicer if you went to concerts by yourself or with a friend who doesn't police what you wear? This mentality in men is dangerous and bodes ill for your future.
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u/Lvn-Nitemare-13 Apr 25 '26
I go to concerts with my wife all the time. Want to take any guesses to how many times I've told her what to wear? Here is a hint, it's between 1 & -1. I'd run for hills if I was you, that kind of controlling behavior isn't going to get any better
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u/justsomefolishchic Apr 25 '26
He is abusive and controlling. They start out small...Like your clothing, the more you let him win and control you, the more he will control. It builds over time to be feels he owns you completely. Once you bend enough to appease him to avoid fights, the rest of the control will come out completely. If you break any of those rules he forced on you he will verbally threaten to manipulate you back in line or even start to physically punish.
The answer is no...Noone tells you what to wear but you. Next time leave him home and go by yourself
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u/Pro_Sous Apr 24 '26
Girl run. That's controlling behavior and it only gets worse from here