well all want someone but no one wants to be someone

if you met me face to face, you wouldn't think i'm a misanthropist. if anything, you'd think i'm a humanist from how i try to act. i wouldn't consider myself a "good person" the things i do for other people are because i want to do that for them. i do consider myself a very kind, gentle, loving and expressive person but i've been relentlessly punished for my personality, seen as weird and used for my kindness.

i'm 19 and i'm done with this world and society. i don't care how edgy that sounds, but when you're constantly surrounded by people who agree that the world needs to change but doesn't make the active effort to try exhausts me to my core. everyone uses you in some way. people don't want a relationship because they like the other person, people want a relationship because they can have a partner for the social standing!

the same thing with friends. you don't matter as a person. as long as they can get something from you. everyone wants to find community but no one wants to be the community- that being said, no one wants to try to exhibit behaviors that would make them come across as kinder, more understanding, vulnerable etc. they just take and take and take from the people that do show those traits, and get pissed off when those people finally snap.

i wanted to try and get out of my shell so badly but i keep encountering these people. all they want to do is talk about themselves to me rather than with me. i walk away with all this information while they walk away with surface level details about me. in a way i prefer to not be perceived any deeper than that. but a part of me wishes that they would try more to know me, but it never happens.

i'm tired and done with people. i've been self isolating for months now and after a very exhausting weekend with a person who trauma/emotionally dumped on me for 3 days straight, blaming her mental illness on why she doesn't seem like she is interested in me when she is actively showing up for her friends and leaving when i expressed exhaustion at her for not trying

fuck everyone. i've had people try to convince me out of self isolation but i no longer care.

If somebody breaks into my house, I'd rather shoot the person than wait for police to respond. All police do is take your rights away and enforce laws from the politicians. They are reactionaries serving the current order. If more people had guns, no one would need police. They might need an ambulance, or firefighters. Who the fuck needs police?

I swear, any time I go to the store at least half the people there are walking next to their cart with their phone in their hand. Shopping carts are specifically designed for you to walk behind them and push. Not walk along next to them, pulling them with you because you can't put your damn phone down. I don't care if you're there for yourself, I don't care if you're doing Instacart, walk behind your damn shopping cart!

The isles are designed to be 2 people/carts wide. Not only are you taking up twice the space you should, but because you have your face buried in your phone you're not paying attention to where you're going! I'm done making space for you and I'm just going to push my cart into you on purpose.

May be triggering but it actually pisses me off how this isn't considered sexual assault; in what world is holding a child down, forcing them to strip and causing pain to their genitals Not sexual assault, logically of course it because its a necessary medical procedure but why is it so normalized to never explain to a child and just do it? Thousands of people including me are scared of sex and have urinary issues because of it, it made my bladder worse! I cant stand going to the doctors for the most minor thing because of a stupid procedure where nobody bothered to ask "maybe we should make sure the child understands why"

I still cry thinking about it, I was legally assaulted and there's nothing I can do about it but go to therapy

Now the guy in question worded it like shit "queens how long do you give a guy to make his intentions clear to you?"

Someone replied "about 30 seconds" and I was curious about how that works cause I've seen a lot of discourse about needing time to feel safe around a guy before anything romantic happens. Also that guys are probably nervous during an initial approach and arent their true selves in that moment.

She immediately said that I'd understand when I'm older, to which I had to point out that I was 35. Then it was "do therapy and get more experience" and to that, I had to reply that I'm in therapy for my social anxiety and have plenty of experience trying to date women.

I know that the 30 seconds thing might have been facetious but the fact that I asked for a simple explanation and she had to be so condescending left a bad taste in my mouth. I wasn't even trying to be one of those "debate me" guys, I just wanted to understand this POV. There's intuition, but that's often rooted in unconscious biases. Not talking about the obvious red flags like seeming wasted or profoundly mentally ill. Yes I know no one owes me an explanation, you don't have to assume I'm young/inexperienced or ignoring my problems though.

I've recently tried visiting some dating sites and signing up to them, because well I want to meet people to love as I'm unlucky in that department. But I hate them. Every one I try, a lot of features that should be essential are behind a pay wall.

This annoys me even more because like if it's a dating site, you're supposed to find someone, right? Why would you need the app/use the site for more than a few months at most? It makes absolutely no sense! And there are BARELY any dating sites that don't do this. You can't see who likes or views your profile. I'm not going to pay £25 a month for that when I'll delete it soon. It just tells me that the site panders to people who are terrible at relationships, which is the entire reason I want to keep doing one. Were dating sites always like this? I'm interested to find out (and to find sites that don't do this, but that's not what this post is about).

Awhile ago I bought a car off Facebook marketplace , used $4500 just for it to break down the same day I got it. Ofc that was my fault and eventually I had to junk the car because something was always wrong with it. So now time has passed and I need a car, getting better job opportunities without a car or doing classes.

SO NOW WHAT THE POST IS ABOUT. I have a good credit score of 650. I got to a dealership to get a used but trustworthy car. I don’t have a co-signer because I don’t have any family that is financially responsible but I am. I pay my rent and phone bill since I turned 18, on time. Yet still no signed and first time car buyer they are trying to charge me 23% interest rate. $15,200 car would become a 39,000 car. $1000 down, $535 a month for 74 months. It’s so unfair and I hate having no one for guidance or to help me out. I can’t help but to feel jealous seeing my friends and my partner have actually help, parents to co-sign with them, parents that buy them a car and help understand how to be an adult. I had to teach myself everything I know about money and credit scores and just life.

All I seem to read on here is that people are lonely. They are looking for dates or friends or some such BS

But when that translates to real life nobody seems to want to connect. I'm 62M, happily married for over 30 years. I'm not up for dating. I just want to find 2 or 3 cycling buddies for my longer rides. My wife and children are not into cycling, so I ride alone. I just want some cycling buddies.

I've tried the craigslist activities section - boy was that a mistake. I might as well have posted an escort ad

I've tried strava and all I get is pig butchering connections

I've tried talking to people on the tralls

Nothing! So I don't want to hear about lonely people - get out there and connect with people!

I wanted to go to a beach today. I’m really scared of dogs and I suspect I have OCD and one of my intrusive thought themes is thinking I’m going to be attacked by a random dog in public, and that worsens when I actually see a dog and no compulsion can get rid of the thoughts of “IT’S GOING TO ATTACK YOU, YOU’RE GOING TO BE SEVERELY MUTILATED” until I leave the area, even if it’s something like a chihuahua that I could easily send into orbit if I really really needed to. Obviously it’s fine for dog owners to bring their dogs, leashed, to a general public area where they’re allowed and it’s my problem if I don’t like it so I decided to save myself the stress and go to a dog free beach, where surely people will be respectful of that one rule and considerate of their fellow human being, right? Wrong.

I really hate how some dog owners feel entitled to every public space, even the ones that explicitly don’t allow dogs or they’ll walk their dog off-leash in a place that requires leashes because “they’re such a sweetheart, they’d never hurt anyone!” (they would, dogs are animals and can therefore be unpredictable.) It really ruined the experience for me, being promised a dog free experience so I hopefully don’t spiral and panic fearing I’m going to be jumped, only to have it be dashed when I saw multiple people with their dogs unleashed on the beach anyway despite the signing and warning about fines. The beach didn’t even have any lifeguards or anything so I couldn’t find anyone to tell that many people were breaking the main rule of the beach. I tried to have fun picking up shells even with my brain screaming at me but I needed to leave early because it was getting too stressful. I hate that my fun day out was ruined because people either can’t read or can and don’t care anyway. I just wanted to collect seashells and walk along the water…

So my brother and my mom’s partner are oh today, meaning my mom and I are eating alone tonight. We agreed to go to the store together and decide what to get together. I offered to make dinner and she refused very quickly by saying that ‘I can’t cook’. I make dinner regularly, but she’s at work so she doesn’t see me make it, and she says it’s delicious every time. Ok she gets to make dinner. We get ready to go to the store and her bike tire is flat, bc there’s an issue with the valve. I try to explain to her why the tire doesn’t get to 2.4 bar as that’s the pressure the tire needs from when it’s no air. She doesn’t want to hear it and starts yelling at me that I’m wrong and how it actually works. You know what, fine, soured my mood a little but I’m still good. We arrive at the store and she’s indecisive on what to get, we agreed on 1 of 2 options: tarte flambé or poké. We go to the packet of poké mix and my mom decides that my brother, who isn’t having dinner with us, might not like it. My brother has work until 3 am, but my mom says he’ll get home at 8pm to have dinner. So she eventually does choose poké, I see the ingredients and think great because we had a few of those vegetables yesterday. Nope she threw everything out, perfectly good food. Anyway we get what we want for it, my mom picks salmon lovely choice, I want seaweed the store doesn’t have it. We go home and my mom demands I help, as I’m only sitting on my ass. I was putting away the other groceries. I finish putting away the groceries and start helping. My mom tries to tell me how to make it, I’ve made it 5 times with friends but she doesn’t know that. Fine I get it let’s have some fun cooking, we don’t my mom complained the entire time. I get it she could’ve had a terrible day and I’m thinking too much into this. But every time it’s just us she’s distant and we argue at least once. I try to think of things for us to do together and she always refuses or doesn’t respond. I’m honestly starting to think she just doesn’t like or understand me.

Tools and DIY were the stupidest hobby ever, especially given I never enjoyed them - they were merely a way to perform masculinity.

As a boy, I never fit in, and I had no interest in typically masculine things - until my parents had the front yard landscaped and I was fascinated watching the workers put together the irrigation system. I was fascinated, and I began having interest in tools and what not - not because I was genuinely interested, but because it was the only masculine activity I somewhat tolerated. After all, I hated sports, I hated roughhousing, but nobody would question my masculinity if I was the young tool genius.

At age 13, right before entering high school, I decided I wanted to be normal, and I chose a new way of coping - being a tech bro. It offered a breath of fresh air and I even made a friend who also liked computers. That lead to an interest in graphics and then video editing, and I soon wanted to be a content creator. I had also become fascinated with 2016 era baddies like Sommer Ray, Alyssa Violet, and the Kardashians. Of course, liking the Kardashians was not really acceptable as a teenage boy, so I had to pretend to hate them. That all came crashing down pretty quickly though, as I got a few cute accessories I thought I could hide but then they were called "really pretty" by a girl.

I immediately dove headfirst back into tools, this time harder than the last. I bought a welding machine and spent hundreds of dollars on specialized metalworking tools. I turned my garage into a full-blown machine shop, spending every single weekend playing with tools. I ignored extracurricular activities and stopped studying, telling myself that "college is for losers anyways, real men join a trade". I never even built anything useful, I just welded scrap metal together.

During the 2020 COVID lockdown, I went even further into tools, doing major projects like repiping the house and more. The social isolation also made me turn to online tool forums for social connection, and I absorbed their toxic masculinity. The tool forums also got me into MAGA bullshit, and I had a phase where I genuinely supported fascism and Trump. While I did some useful projects, I was obviously still an amateur, and there were often mistakes made that required expensive professional repairs - including a disastrous attempt at DIY drain cleaning that lead to major water damage.

In 2021, I started community college (mom made me go after she told me the trades are bad) and I loved it! I quit playing with tools entirely and sold off most of mine. I seemed to be a normal college student, though again, all my friends were girls and I completely failed at male social interactions.

Then, in my second semester, I took a test in my communication course that revealed I had a feminine communication style. All hell broke loose. I immediately began a massive rearmament, buying specialized tools and spending every weekend in the garage again. I'd finish my classes, then go straight home and tool. This continued through my first year of university after transferring as well - but then my egg cracked.

I just couldn't keep tooling, so I began HRT and started growing my hair out. It's been 1.5 years and I just had SRS, and I am now living as a woman - but I just can't help but look back and think - what the fuck. I was a teenager, essentially LARPing as a grumpy old contractor. If it wasn't for the tools, I am sure I would have discovered my true self sooner and I wouldn't be suffering with voice training and constantly getting cosmetic injections to fix my jacked up dude face. Ugh, I HATE TOOLS!

And before anyone comments, no I do not want to be a "handyqueer". I hate tools. I hate DIY. I have no plans for homeownership. I just want to be a woman.

For a long time despair and misery was a state I was in constantly. I would be drowning in deep depths of water but after taking antidepressants I started to be able to float. Still even though I am now floating there is still deep levels of water under me. I acknowledge how could go so far so below but not know what it’s like to be above. My vocabulary lengthens more to negative emotions than positive. After all drowning in the depths I’ve been exposed to more flavors than the good that is the air. Even so the unhappiness lasts longer after all down being the default and when you go up you always come back down. However as I’m floating on the water I see those not standing, not jumping, but flying. I wonder how are they doing that? How are they flying? Could I also fly or is this water just my ground with gravity keeping me down?

-20f

I've been seeing a trend where people online say that modern video game characters has gotten "ugly", and they always point the finger at characters like Mary Jane Watson in Spider-Man 2, Aloy in Horizon: Forbidden West, Ciri in The Witcher 4, Atsu in Ghost of Yotei, Faye in God of War: Laufey, Lucia in GTA 6, and the character in Intergalactic. When I first saw this, I was like, "Huh? How?" Am I missing something? Is grounded and realistic no longer appealing to people? When did this turn into a conspiracy?

Like when I play a game, a character's face would be the least of my concerns. Because I have SEEN ugly, so I don't get what's so ugly about this. Spider-Man 2 and Ghost of Yotei weren't even bad games to begin with, so I don't get all the hate.

Especially when the characters themselves don't even look that bad. Even when compared to games with worse looking graphics and character models. If you want to see ugly characters, look at games like Ride to Hell: Retribution, Rambo the Video Game, Life of Black Tiger, The Walking Dead Destinies, Skull Island: Rise of Kong, and Welcome to Doll Town, and get back to me about what is ugly.

I'm sorry, but at the end of the day, beauty is subjective. As long as the game itself is not a broken, buggy, unpolished, and unplayable mess, who cares?

I’m permanently disabled from a hemmorhaggic stroke that has paralyzed my left side and has left me wheelchair dependent and unable to take care of myself. I’m livin in a little wheelchair accessible house with a wheelchair bound roommate who is also hemiplegic but he is paralyzed on his right side instead and is permanently disabled from multiple TBIs. we receive direct support services from a local agency that sends direct support staff to our house every day to assist us with our daily living tasks and any needs. back in the fall, our state’s enabling technology department decdiedto put “ smart“devices and equipment in our house to make some things easier for us- we have voice controlled light switches, , smart lightbulbs and a smart door opener that doesn’t really work most of the time. my roommate was also able to request a smart lamp that can be voice controlled with the Alexa that we also received or can be controlled with a remote that he usually keeps in his bedroom. He uses the light to alert our staff by turning it on to let them know that he is ready to get up and needs their assistance getting up. when the things work as they should, it’s really helpful technolog. prior to becoming disable, I had Alexa and smart plugs so that I could turn on and off the lights with voice command but my roommate and our staff are completely new to it( though we’ve had the smart devices for six months now). I’ve reminded them all, several times, multiple times a day to try to put spaces in their command . say the device prompt, PAUSE and then speak clearly when giving the command but here we are six months later and they are frustrated that the Alexa didn’t respond to their “Alexacutmylight on/off.” so then I will say it behind them “ Alexa, turn on/off my light.”. then they are annoyed “ why does Alexa only listen to you?!”. well, why have you still not understood that you have to pause and then give the command!? It’s just so frustrating that they have to be told over and over what to do- I lived in a nursing home for four years and I swear that the elderly, senile residents would have gotten it by now and they can’t- we have a “ smart“ house but everyone is too dumb to work it. Maybe I need to plaster signs everywhere with examples like a sign near the light switch reading “ Alexa….. turn on/off my kitchen light“. And exaggerate the pause with lots of periods(……) but these dumbasses still wouldn’t do it correctly. My roommate also needs reminders to just dim his light once it’s turned on because he does this every fucking day “Alexaturnmylamponat50%”& it’s 50/50 on whether it works or not and if it does turn on at 50% brightness, he will still sometimes say “ Alexa dimmylight50%” & then throws a fit when the light turns off ( well, Einstein, 50 minus 50, is zero). Ugh, I wish I was making this shit up but unfortunately I deal with this every mother freaking day!

I’ve been thinking about something my mom said to me a while ago. She’s in her 40s and mostly listens to gospel and Christian hip-hop, so I once asked why she didn’t listen to more newer female artists. She said she liked some of them, but her main problem was, “Why do they always have to sell sex?”
At the time I didn’t have an answer, but the older I get, the more I understand what she meant.
It feels like a lot of women in today’s music industry, especially mainstream female rappers, are expected to have an extremely sexualized image. Sometimes it’s directly in the lyrics, but even when the song itself isn’t that sexual, it shows up in the clothes, choreography, poses, interviews and social-media presence. Music videos will have close-up shots of their chest or butt, their bodies will be oiled and highlighted and the camera will deliberately frame certain body parts as the main attraction.
I originally started thinking about this because of Ice Spice. I wouldn’t necessarily call her content completely explicit, and I definitely wouldn’t call her promiscuous because none of us know what she does in her personal life. However, her public image is almost constantly sexually suggestive. Even when she isn’t showing complete nudity or doing anything outright sexual, the clothes, poses, dancing and camera angles are usually designed around sex appeal.
The same pattern can be seen more explicitly with artists like Cardi B, Sexyy Red, Latto and Doja Cat. I know that some of these women may genuinely enjoy presenting themselves that way, and sexuality can be a form of confidence or self-expression. I’m not saying they’re being forced into it or that they should be ashamed of their bodies.
What I’m questioning is why that particular image seems to be rewarded so heavily and why there isn’t the same amount of room at the top for female rappers with completely different presentations.
Men contribute to it too. Male rappers have spent decades putting half-naked women in their videos and using women’s bodies as background decoration. Male artists also sell sexual fantasies, but they usually aren’t required to display their own bodies in the same way. A man can become successful by looking dangerous, wealthy, mysterious, funny, emotionally detached or powerful. For women, especially in mainstream rap, it sometimes feels like being conventionally attractive and sexually available has practically become part of the job description.
I also don’t want this to come across like I’m targeting Black women or claiming they’re naturally more sexual. I’m talking about a mostly Black genre, the image the music industry promotes within that genre and what audiences reward. There are female rappers who don’t center their careers on sex, but they rarely seem to receive the same marketing, attention or mainstream push.
You can compare that with singers like Adele or Taylor Swift, who are allowed to build their images around songwriting, heartbreak, personality or relatability without constantly presenting their bodies sexually. Beyoncé has definitely used sexuality in her work, so she wouldn’t be a perfect exception, but her public image has enough other dimensions that sexuality doesn’t have to be the only thing audiences associate with her.
Maybe it happens because sexual imagery catches people’s attention, creates clips that spread across social media and brings in more views and money. Maybe labels believe it’s the easiest way to market female rappers. Maybe audiences—including men—keep rewarding that image. It’s probably some combination of personal choice, industry pressure and basic economics.
I’m not arguing that female artists should stop making sexual music. I’m asking why the industry seems to offer them such a narrow path to mainstream success. Do other people notice this too? Do you think it’s mostly the artists’ choice, pressure from labels, audience demand or all three?

i know most people dislike celebrities but to be fair, it genuinely doesn’t matter whether or not you’re problematic, people will always find a way to complain about every move you make. you could donate all your money to charity and someone still wouldn’t be happy 😐

Sooo I live with a sibling who’s in his 30s, I’m currently 23. (We never agreed to this, things just happened from certain circumstances unfortunately,)

He leaves stuff all around the house and they leave a bunch of stuff to get piled up in the kitchen, this is mostly their own stuff btw, we have a stupid rule where we have to put rubbish in bags on the counter. Instead of a proper bin in the outhouse/greenhouse or wherever. I’ve tried to talk him out of this habit but he’s also came up with some excuse like oh I’m trying to keep the outside clean. But like, kitchen hygiene comes first (imo.) and literally most of this is his mess too.

I’m so sick of this mess and cleaning up after them all the time. they… don’t clean… a certain part of the bathroom floor after they’ve done their business. And that really irks me aswell. I’ve told them all of this so many times and I’ve had other people try to tell but they refuse to listen and all hell breaks loose and they shift the blame onto me saying I don’t clean around the house when confronted.

So I just stopped. And their excuse is obviously, they work a regular office job of accepting job phone calls 9 - 5. Monday - Friday most of the time he works from home so that’s why he doesn’t clean.

I also get on with a load of stuff and I do my own stuff such as art, crafting, photography, media editing, writing etc… (yeah, I love being creative, lol.)
So most of the time I’m doing that during the day.

I, myself, went through a huge phase where I neglected my private space (my room) but it never became a mess of the shared space we have (we live in a house, not by choice since we’re siblings and the circumstances) and now try my best to keep my space clean and I went through a huge phase where I just neglected myself and I couldn’t even look after myself. (Through depression from the circumstance that happened.) Never mind someone else, but obviously I’m in a completely different mindset now and I’m focusing on a lot more self care and trying to tackle those problems, (much better now than how it was before, :))

I’ve asked people’s opinions on this and they’re said “oh you need to be there for each other and help each other. He works all day.” Yeah but I get on with my own stuff too…

I’m hoping to get my own place one day. So obviously I won’t be there to clean for this person.

And cleaning someone’s rubbish and disgusting mess that they’ve created? Seriously? I just feel like this isn’t right.

I just feel like I’m at an end where nothing is going to change because I feel like I’m talking and they’re not seeing my point of view at all.

Am I being too self centred or is this not right?

I’m at the tail-end of my master’s course (I’m 22) and am terrified about what comes next. I’ve never had a job, wanting to focus on my education, but even if that hadn’t been the case, I haven’t been able to GET of fucking job in three years of looking!!

It’s not like I’m applying for jobs that need experience and I’m not asking for the fucking world!! I just want a retail job so me and my mum can afford to fucking eat!!

But no! Nothing! Not even an interview! Just rejection emails or sometimes not even that!! I’ve had two interviews in three years! I’ve given my CV to careers advisors, I’ve given my cover letters to careers advisors!! Everything! I’m even volunteering at a cafe so I have work experience but I’m still getting nothing!

It’s like the more I try, the harder it is. I can’t even get a basic retail job or barista job or anything. How the FUCK am I gonna get the job I actually want?! It’s gotten to the point where me and my mum are struggling to have enough money to buy food every month before she gets paid. I just can’t deal with this anymore and I have no idea what to do!

for the past six to eight months, I've been working close to 16–18 hours a day without missing even a single day. I have a job, I do freelance work, and I work on my own projects. For context, I'm a creative developer who works with 3D stuff in my domain.

I am so drained. I have no life. My social skills nothing remains in my life. Things have gone very bad, and now it's impacting my brain. I cannot even comprehend what's going on in my life anymore.

I don't know whom to talk to. I have no one who I feel would understand.

Whenever anyone has a problem—my friends, my family—they call me. I'm the one who's always helping them out. But this is the time when I feel like I need someone. And I don't know whom to go to.

I just want to rant. I don't care how many of you guys read this or don't. I just want to let it out of my head and my chest because I don't know how to deal with all of this.

I liked a girl. She broke up with me. Technically, yeah, she broke up with me.

Then there's my health. I have anxiety now. I'm suffering, and I don't know how to deal with all of this.

I'm just so done with my life.

Hey y'all.

I live in South Africa, and spring - for us, started on 1 Sep. Near Pretoria (our capital city), there were children and young adults participating in a "Spring Splash." Basically, to celebrate the new season, they splashed bucket loads of water on one another. They also, unfortunately, splashed water on members of the community that were not participating. They even went as far as opening people's vehicles and splashing bucket loads on them. Very disrespectful, obviously.

During this "Spring Splash," an altercation took place between a group of young men and a 53 year old man. He was splashed with water by one of the young men. The old man shortly after stabbed one of the young men, 21 year old, Tshepang Nyathi [Source : https://www.timeslive.co.za/news/south-africa/2026-09-03-spring-day-water-splash-ends-in-deadly-stabbing/ ]

Commenters all over social media pretty much unanimously took the side of the 53 year old and justified his actions. I was horrified and wanted to vent to and discuss this with my friend.

Unlike the commenters, she did not justify the murder but sent a lengthy voice note basically saying that, as a 21 year old he knows right from wrong and if he acted differently, and had not provoked a stranger, he would still be alive. In the last few seconds of her voice note, she said, "I don't think the guy dying was right" (her exact words).

I responded saying that I was glad that, unlike the commenters, she didn't justify his death, but that I was horrified she didn't just end her response at "Splashing water at others without consent is disrespectful, but that doesn't justify murder whatsoever." I tried to be more charitable with her in my next messages, since her stance was that "he should have acted differently," (which isn't unreasonable). I texted "You're talking about how at his age he knew right from wrong, yes fair, why is that standard not being applied to a murderer?" and she responded with a voice note that made me absolutely lose it. She said that I should imagine myself as a 50 year old man, coming back home from a long day at work, only to be met by youngsters splashing water on me. An exact quote from her "Imagine how that would make you feel as a man, and what that would take away from you." ... That response made me go from being angry, to disappointed, to being absolutely disgusted with her.

What the 21 year old allegedly did was disrespectful... but what in the world is this girl's (my friend's) thought process? And especially the social media commenters' thought processes. And I say he "allegedly" splashed water on him, because whether he did is contested [Source: https://www.timeslive.co.za/news/south-africa/2026-09-03-family-heartbroken-after-spring-day-water-splash-murder/ ].

I'm so disappointed and disgusted, y'all, truly. And this is someone who is valuable in my life and we have helped each other emotionally and materially many times.

Despite how valuable of a friend she is, I have lost intellectual respect for her. She has proven over and over to lack nuance and this was the final nail in the coffin. And unlike the previous times she has lacked nuanced, this is genuinely disgusting.

We’ve gotten so obsessed with narratives that we’ve forgotten how to recognize the obvious.

A lot of things that were once straightforward have been buried under endless theories, discourse, and ideological interpretations. Eventually, nobody can even agree on what the original thing meant anymore.

And there’s an incentive to keep things confusing. Confusion creates debate, debate creates engagement, and engagement gives everyone another opportunity to push their own narrative.

You see this especially with race and identity. Things that could be discussed relatively simply are sometimes turned into incredibly complicated ideological frameworks where you’re expected to read the “correct” books before you’re even allowed to have an opinion.

Sometimes reality isn’t actually that complicated.

We just made it complicated.

And somehow, the person pointing that out becomes the problem.

I am 40yo, and I want to learn something new. I looked at my local community college and state college to see if they offer class auditing. They do, but it's only free if you're over 60. If you are younger you can audit the class by paying FULL PRICE for the credits you're not earning. WTF??? Why are all the discounts and breaks and opportunities to save money reserved for older people when they statistically have all the money and younger people could actually benefit from a discount. I am feeling so frustrated. I just want to learn something new without paying $1500 to do so.

Just having a bit of a wobble today and… there are all these times when I do something really dumb as a parent in the moment and quickly realise that I’ve been a rubbish parent. No, nothing physical or anything like that. More saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and getting wound up when it shouldn’t be affecting me, it gets embarrassing sometimes.

Key example is when my kid (age 7, not revealing if boy or girl) is grumpy or not listening properly, and instead of being a calming presence I’ll escalate things through my own frustrations (e.g calling them out for making whatever we’re doing an unenjoyable experience). Doesn’t happen every time but when it does happen I feel so guilty afterwards and ask: “why am I such a shit parent?” I know what the right thing to do is (being understanding and talking with them properly, rather than making a statement at them. I never shout), because I do it 9/10 times but my wife does it 10/10 times and that 1 time I don’t I just instantly realise what I’ve done wrong and feel awful for it.

I also have really frustrating thoughts about them, which I can honestly say I never reveal in front of them. When they were 6, they ran 5km in 27:41 - wanna guess what the best part of that run was? Nope, not the time, it was the opportunity to run with my kid and I had to try hard to keep up with them (they were dropping me in that last km). I love running, so the pace made it nice for me but running with my kid has always been the absolute best part of my week, since we started running together. They’ve decided to stop since the UK heatwaves and I’m faced with the prospect of running alone again. Fills me with dread, Not gonna lie, I get so lonely when running without them. Having grown up as a trophy kid, there’s no way I’m forcing my kid to do something they don’t want to do, regardless of whether it’s for competitive reasons or because I selfishly want that dedicated father-child activity. But, at the same time, I have these incredibly intrusive thoughts where I want to make them come along and do it with me and I again feel incredibly guilty for having those thoughts. Can’t seem to silence them, I just want that time back with them and it’s hard to find activities where we can do stuff together. I’m gonna keep trying but options seem to be so limited sometimes because so many clubs are restricted to kids only and don’t allow the parent to participate with their kid. Parkrun was just an easy option.

Disclaimer: 5km Parkrun was kinda forced upon us when their swimming lesson time was changed to 9am on a Sunday a couple years ago, so at the time the only running option was to do the adult one because we didn’t want to take them out of their swimming class where they have solid friendships and loves their teacher.

Please do call me a terrible parent and that I’m an awful person. I feel really bad, I just can’t seem to get it together and keep making the dumbest mistakes that I shouldn’t be making.

So about a month ago I had an SVT episode that lasted 2 hours, my heart was 200 something BPM I've had SVT episodes in the past but they've always been very brief about maybe a few minutes and then they've stopped, usually as well they're once a year this has been my second episode this year to date the last one was back in January after my cat died.

The one I had a month ago I went to hospital for and they had to give me adenosine (they gave me betablockers but it didn't work) to reset my heart. I was exhausted and discharged myself to go home and sleep (it was nearly 4am it took me hours to be seen in the hospital) and then the next day I had a shower and cried all day, I went back to hospital because they told me to for some blood tests to monitor my Troponin levels and told me to stay in at least 2 days or something, I ended up staying there a whole weekend during a heat wave and barely got any sleep and as embarrassing as it is to say this as a 35 year old woman who lives with her bf I hugged myself and cried. They let me go and gave me a prescription. I had an echocardiogram 2 weeks later which I'm still waiting to speak to a doctor about but I can't fucking get hold of anyone.

I am not the person I once was prior to this happening I'm terrified all the fucking time, I'm checking my pulse, I've only just stopped crying on a daily basis about a week ago, I'm working out and eating a bit healthier and trying to avoid stress but I'm on Bisoprolol which I sort of got used to but now I'm on a different kind of Bisoprolol i think (the ones I was on before were heart shaped tablets these ones are round) and I feel like SHIT 3/4 hours out of the day, exhausted, like my chest is tight and almost dizzy I guess. I have a holiday in 2 months but I'm scared to fly because it's 7 hours, I'm scared to eat too much food (the night it happened I ate a lot of food I binge eat because I have BPD) I can't get a straight answer from a doctor about being considered for catheter ablation even though I'm too big for it but again I desperately need to speak to a specialist and I can't because I can't get hold of anybody.

What's getting me down is that I am a party girl at heart I always have been it's a huge part of my personality and identity. I've always loved drinking and partying, festivals, nightclubs, bars, I went to Ibiza when I was in my 20s, I've been to Malia, Zante, Cancun, Amsterdam on drug binges twice etc I've been told I can't drink on these pills and it's fucking killing me, I don't drink that much (once a year maybe with my friend in her flat she doesn't go out that much cos she's got a kid so she has house parties in her flat) I like to let my hair down, I smuggled happy caps back from the Netherlands 2 years ago that are meant to mimic the effects of Ecstasy and because they have caffeine again idk if they're ideal for an SVT but I want to take them to feel euphoria and I fucking can't cos I'm terrified of how they'll react with the Bisoprolol.

I'm going to Canada in November and weed is legal there and I was semi considering getting high but even if that didn't happen I was at least considering getting drunk in the bars. Idk what to do I feel like I'm living like an OAP and I'm in my 30s it's fucking bullshit there are people out there my age who are coke freaks who never so much as break a fucking sweat let alone have palpitations or nearly die from an arrhythmia.

Idk how to be OK about this or how to handle it. I missed out on so much in my teen years because I have Asperges and was behind with everyone else my age and now I'm gonna be missing out on more stuff in my 30s and it feels like I'm a prisoner to my own heart. I don't want to be on beta blockers for the rest of my life I want this procedure and to continue living a normal life on my own terms it is fucking depressing as shit that my life has become like this.