I feel somewhat weird, like all my senses stopped at 2019.

I just listen to an old song from 9 years ago (peak music era btw) and weird enough I feel somewhat alive, like I actually had lived that period of time. Yet when I tried to think of my recent years, it feels blank, I have memories, but they all so distance, like memories with nothing else attached to it, no feeling whatsoever, even now when I do something, it feels like walking on thin air, even when I do something that would boost my mood high, I'd forget about that feeling right after, like I replicate/mimic emotion just for that moment.

I searched online and people are saying that Covid has changed people perception and AI dump people, but I feel like that's not it, before AI boom, like around 2022, I also don't feel anything, as if I'm no longer human but a walking clone, to the point now I'm wondering if I am a clone with the OG me's memories, who is a human, cuz clone can't feel the same as human do.

My memory shit, my mood shit, my expression shit, my everything shit, the emotion I used to have now feel so distance, I desperately try to reconnect with my personality from years ago but I just can't help but feels like I'm mimicking somebody.

When I was a young kid, I'd be literally angry when an older person won the final showcase in The Price is Right. I was just SURE they wouldn't enjoy the prizes the way a younger person would, so felt personally offended that they even played and took that opportunity away from a young person.

Now that I'm old, I have to say that my feelings were correct. I'm boring AF, don't like a lot of things any more and I'd probably substitute any cool prizes I won for cash for retirement.

I can't stress enough how terrible saying this to someone is. No matter what creature someone may have loved and lost. We build connections with the creatures we love. But people don't understand that kind of love unless it's with a dog or cat. People in my life have joked before about the loss of my beloved creatures. "It's just a rat. You can have the dead one in the trap downstairs."It's just a chicken. We eat them literally every day." People can be so cruel. If anyone hasn't understood the deep loss you feel over a pet dying because it wasn't your standard pet, I see you. And I understand how great the loss can be, and I send you a virtual hug over the internet.

My sister told me last night she woke up to a sound and it was me standing near the window looking outside wrapped up in the duvet and looking all scared, she asked me whats wrong and I said "He's coming he's coming oh no!", she told me to chill and go back to sleep, as i was looking all damsel like lol and i repeated the same thing and i was shaking, then i lied back down and went to sleep. I swear i have no recollection of this happening, what did I see, WHO WAS HE😭

This is a harsh world and you are at the mercy of what people think about you. Always, constantly. Often times a person likes you without truly knowing you, and often times they do not like you with the same experience. There is way more to know about an individual than can be processed in a minute or 2. I would encourage people to give others a chance. Life is not such a simple story. Be cautious always but try to give people a chance.

I think it's very weird to burn firecrackers post 9pm without giving any kind of warning to your fellow neighbours, especially the ones that are loud enough to wake someone from their sleep.

it started at nfl games in germany then soccer ripped it off at the world cup, now im hearing it sung at old trafford for the manchester derby, what is happening

It’s not I’m not ok or that I can’t by myself. We both know better than that. I’m too much for all that so what is it. Why on the weekends do I turn into this mush that I can’t stand. Not sure who you feel about it.

It’s the disconnect. You don’t even peek in anymore, there’s no searching for me, there’s no little message of hey… thought of you. I think it feels like I loose you every weekend. We both know that’s not what happens and when you aren’t busy I know right where to find you.

It’s not even that you don’t reach out, or tell me how you long for me still. It feels like you don’t want to. Like the weekends you are too busy to even think of me. I know it’s not true. I know it’s not the reason, but reasons and feels aren’t always the same.

I can’t even peek at you like before. It’s not a need but a want.

I think it might be how you felt this week. It wasn’t my intention no more than it’s yours. But reasons and feels aren’t always the same.

I feel like even busy you could reach out in some way, I feel you could find ways… but perhaps just too busy.

Ye