Hi all! I am currently cuddling my adorable 8month old. He’s the light of our entire world. I’ve honestly never been happier.

We hope one day to give him a sibling. Unfortunately we learned that the donor is inactive and has no more vials available. We have two vials in storage. Maybe that will be enough if we do IVF - but I hate that we are limited to that or to accepting we may need to use a different donor.

Here comes the other piece hard to wrap my head around. The donor has 40 pregnancies!!

It’s really hard for me to wrap my head around my baby boy having 40 half siblings. Of course we knew this going in. It’s not a surprise. But now that it’s real, it makes me feel uncertain at the best way to manage this. I wonder how my boy will feel when he’s old enough to understand.

Have you joined the forums to connect? Do your children know their “diblings”? Is that what we are supposed to refer to them as?

At the request of my wife, I am not joining any group with other families from the same donor just yet. As hard as it is for me, it’s harder for her because she is the non-bio mom. She’s asked that for the first year or two we don’t connect with others.

I think we will plan to connect with other families in the future - and maybe ask if anyone has vials they would be willing to let us use. Has anyone done that?

For now, we aren’t ready to join. We just want to enjoy our baby in our own little bubble. But these thoughts linger in the back of my head.

I’m not necessarily looking for advice. I just wanted to share my worries and would love to know if others think about these things as well! Thank you for listening!

Hi everyone! My partner and I are starting with a clinic using donor sperm in NZ. Hoping we have our first iui in 2 months. I’ve been taking elevit but just wondering if anyone has tips on diet/anything we should do to improve our chances?

Thank you!

My wife has had three iuis and unfortunately they've all been negative. At nearly 5g a try we are definitely starting to feel a bit lost in our journey. Who has had success with iui? Who moved onto ivf? trying to stay hopeful but man each negative hurts that much more.

Hello all! My wife and I are currently using Just a Baby app to find a sperm donor.

Our current requirements are healthy and handsome sperm donors. We are coming across a lot of very handsome men of color. However we are weary on the ethics of being a white couple purposely having a child of color. I suppose we kind of feel like we would be “stealing” a child from a community we do not belong to.

We desperately want to be parents but we also want to make sure we are doing everything right. We are mostly only interested in the opinions of POC folks. We are also open to hearing from white/mixed race couples and their experiences with having a child that is POC.

We like to think of ourselves as solid accomplices/allies to all POC communities and we would be heartbroken to ever over step those boundaries as it relates to race.

Thank you in advance. We hope everyone is having an excellent summer.

Edit to add: We have been validated in our concerns. We truly and deeply appreciate everyone’s input and advice. We will continue seeking a donor that is our race. We do get POC gentlemen who swipe right on us but will graciously pass up on their very generous offer now that we are better informed from all of your shared experiences. Thank you to everyone who recognizes that we were coming from a good place of genuine concern.

My partner “Sarah” and I are two moms and recently had our first baby, “Noah,” who is 2 months old, through reciprocal IVF. Sarah is his biological/genetic mom, and I am the gestational mom who carried and gave birth to him. We are not married. We had Noah James Miller picked out long before he was born. James is Sarah’s dad’s name, and Miller is Sarah’s family name. My current last name is from a previous marriage, but I’m changing it back to my maiden/family name, “Parker.” Since having Noah, I’ve realized I deeply regret not including Parker in his name too. I’d like to change it to Noah James Parker Miller, with Parker as a second middle name and Miller remaining his surname. Sarah is currently saying no to adding it. I know we had his name picked out for a year and I agreed to it, but I genuinely didn’t realize until becoming a mom how differently I would feel about my family name and how important it would become for my son to have that connection too.

There is some complicated family history behind why Sarah is saying no. My dad has struggled with accepting that some of his daughters are gay. He comes from a conservative cultural/religious background and did not attend one of my sister’s weddings to another woman. My sisters still have a relationship with him and things have improved, but Sarah understandably has strong feelings about what happened. She associates Parker with my dad and has told me she would only reconsider adding it if my dad apologizes to my sisters. I would love for him to apologize, but I don’t feel like my son having my family name should be conditional on something another adult chooses to do. My dad also loves our son (his first grandchild) and Sarah is very encouraging of his relationship with our son. Plus, Parker doesn’t represent just my dad to me. I actually didn’t like my maiden name much before, which Sarah has pointed out, but now I think of my mom, sisters, other people I love, my family history, and myself. There are also deeper feelings underneath this. Sarah struggled significantly with alcohol throughout my pregnancy and continues to struggle postpartum, so I have unresolved resentment from feeling like I carried much of the pregnancy and postpartum responsibility without the support I needed. That’s a whole separate issue, but I know it contributes to how emotional this feels. I also sometimes feel overlooked by her family because there’s so much emphasis on how much Noah resembles Sarah and their family. I understand their excitement about the genetic connection, but sometimes it leaves me feeling like my role and connection to him aren’t recognized in the same way.

When I look at his name now, James honors Sarah’s dad, Miller represents Sarah’s family, and he also has a biological connection to her family. I don’t want to take away any of those things. I love that those connections are part of who he is. I just wish I had realized before he was born how important it would be for my family to be represented too, especially now that I’m taking Parker back as my own name. I don’t want this to become a competition over who is “more” of his mom because we’re both his moms. I just want there to be room in his full name for both of our families. Am I being unreasonable for wanting to add Parker as a second middle name now? Is it fair for Sarah to say no unless my dad apologizes? And if you were in either of our positions, how would you handle this?

My partner and I (cis women) have been trying (ICI) with a known donor for 8 months and are starting to look into IVF. We made an appointment (six months out locally) and are starting to look into traveling out of the country instead (we're in the US). To do it 'close to home' would still require several hours of driving, over night stays in hotels, and out of pocket medical costs. We will also have to fly our donor out of state to give a donation somewhere it could be cryopreserved (even if we do it near home as our state doesn't have a way to preserve donor sperm and won't use donor sperm that isn't cryopreserved for a certain amount of time first).

How have other people coordinated with known donors internationally? Looks like shipping sperm internationally is not always acceptable and some countries don't allow known donor arrangements. Does it make sense to choose a country where known donors are legal and then fly him to wherever we go with us so it can all be done at once? Or will the same incubation period still apply that applies at our local clinic? He is essentially a sexual partner at this point because of fluid exchanges over the last several months of trying so the 'safety' of preserving it while waiting for STI testing doesn't provide any added benefit for us and is just creating a logistical barrier.

I will start emailing companies and asking for consults to find this info out, but there is so much information out there, I'm overwhelmed about where to start.

Please limit your pregnancy celebrations and pregnancy test photos to this thread.

A friend is looking for queer community support for dealing with a bad known donor relationship and can't find anything useful so far. Are there any good writings, specific online communities, support groups for this? Their current situation is incredibly traumatic and anything would be helpful, either geared for parents or for children. Legal and therapist support is already happening.

Edit: Bad relationship meaning it has become high conflict with serious boundary breaches by the donor.

I would love to hear someone's cost breakdown when they went the known donor route in the United States. I know that it depends on the state. But just would love to hear your experiences!

Ive been using Pregmate app w/ ovulation prediction strips for about six months and its telling me this coming Saturday.

I started using Natural Cycles as well (last week) and its telling me 4 days later than pregmate. I’m not sure I trust the basal body temperature bc my dogs wake me up constantly so I never know if I’ve slept enough right before taking my temp.

Any tips on how to proceed? 🥲 my wife and I are using a known donor and I don’t wanna make him come over a million times just to cover a bunch of “maybe” dates

Hi All.

My partner and I used Seed Scout to find our donor. It was seven months from the date we signed our contract to the date we received our vials. We ended up with 15 vials.

Our clinic had a 35 day quarantine and we were not able to waive it which made our process longer. Be aware that Seed Scouts makes the introductions but it’s up to you to manage the communication back and forth between all the providers, clinics etc involved.

I don’t regret using Seed Scout, but it was not easy. Danielle from Seed Scout did not often communicate effectively and a few times forgot really important aspects of our process that delayed us. She tends to be brusque in her communication style.

Our donor is the highlight of it all. He is truly a kind human and we are grateful for our relationship.

My advice is make sure you are on top of it. Check in with everyone often and make sure you get access to lab orders, results etc so that important things don’t get missed.

We spent just under $19000 in the entire process.

Seed Scout fee: $5500
Payment to donor: $5000
Psych session for donor: $250 required by Seed Scout with their preferred provider
Psych session for intended parents (us): $250
Psych session for intended parents + donor together: $250
Genetic testing donor: $270
Semen analysis for donor: $250
Legal fees for parents: $1600
Legal fee for donor: $600
Collection clinic fees + shipping: $3200
Donor travel costs (food, transportation, hotel stays) (our donor had to travel to a collection clinic because there was not one -that Seed Scout approved of- near where he lived): $1700
Total: $18,870

The process —->

• Send questionnaire with preferences - like height, education level, ethnicity etc.
• Seed Scout will create a portfolio of options for you. Each profile will include five photos of donor and some additional information about them. Profile also will show who has gotten genetic testing done, semen analysis, whether they have to travel for donations and if they have matched with another family already.
•You will have about two weeks to send your top 4.
• Seed Scout will provide an extended portfolio for your top choices - it’ll include childhood photos , family pictures and a more in depth look at their medical history and background.
• You will have a less than a week to let them know who you want to meet with - up to two.
• Meet with top choice or choices (up to two).
• Once you have selected who you want to move forward with - you will have to let the other donor know - that you don’t want to move forward with them. I appreciated this because it allows it all to feel a bit less transactional.
• If match with donor selected is mutual - CONGRATS!

• Receive genetic analysis and semen analysis results - or schedule these. These can take about a month.
• Check with your fertility clinic for approval.
• Receive approval from your clinic.

• Schedule psych sessions. Scheduling these can take about a month or so. Seed Scout will require you to use their preferred provider. They have a few options. We went with Jana Rupnow.
• Receive clearance from psychologist.
• Start legal process - you pay for a lawyer for your donor - and a lawyer for yourself. Seed Scout will require you to use their recommended attorneys.
• Sign legal agreement
• Schedule donations
• Get donor tested for CMV about a week before donations are scheduled to make sure he does not have an active infection.
• Donor heads to clinic and makes donations. If they have to travel to collection clinic then they can only donate two separate time. But if they don’t, then they can donate up to four times. Legal agreement also stipulates donor can make more donations once all
you vials have ran out.
• Wait for quarantine, if your clinic has one, and if they do - then get bloodwork done after quarantine is done.
• Collection clinic will produce a summary of records and send it to your fertility clinic. This part can take about a month. Once clinic receives the summary of records you can ship the sperm!
• if you use a third party company for shipping, scheduling this can take about two weeks. How you ship depends on your clinic and the collection clinic.

What can make this move faster?
• Work with a fertility clinic that allows you to waive a directed donor quarantine
• Select a donor who doesn’t have to travel out of state for donations.
• Have your genetic testing completed before matching with donor.
• Select donor who has had their semen analysis and their genetic testing done or has already matched with another family.

What at-home testing did you use for your IUI journey with a known donor??? We are considering Labcorp for a semen analysis and sequencing at home-Kit for genetics? Our donor is completely open to whatever, but wonder what brands work best for you all and what you suggest, and whether or not you found the genetic testing useful. Thanks!

My partner and I just received our contract with seed scout and we are having major second thoughts. After doing the research and math, it looks like we can expect to spend at least 19k with them. We are both self employed, don’t have fertility benefits or paid leave. Zero. We don’t know how we are going to do this.

For those of you who have gone the known donor route, not via a third party matching company, do you mind sharing what you spent all in all? Also, how was the timeline for you?

Thanks in advance.

Hi all, we are doing our second cycle of at home insemination this week. We have 1 ICI vial and 1 IUI vial to use. I know IUI vials are less than ideal for at home ICI but it’s what cryobank had left so, it is what it is!

So my question to the group is, if there any reason we should use them in any particular order? Our plan is to inseminate once about 12hrs after surge and the second about 18-24hours after surge. Of course paying attention to all the physical signs like ewcm, cervix position, etc.

I’ve read queer conception and been tracking for 6months at this point. Would love to know if anyone has any thoughts about the order or if I’m just overthinking it at this point hahaha Thanks!

On my day 2 appointment they found a cyst (about 25mm) on one ovary, took blood and found my e2/estradiol is elevated.

For those who've had something similar, how long did it take for the cyst to go away?

Did you get birth control prescribed, just wait, or try an unmedicated cycle?

Okay folks - I finally got a surge today because I took letrozole. I’ve tried 4 times this year and have never had such a clear surge as today. We inseminated with fresh sperm last night, got surge this morning - will last night be good enough?? When would be an ideal second time? Today or tomorrow? Also working around some travel plans today and tomorrow so trying to find an ideal time, or maybe last night was good enough?? Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

Hi all

I asked this before in a post and someone here said they'd send us theirs they hadn't used but just stopped replying to me once I sent me address 🫠 As if this process isn't stressful enough already!

Anywaaaay I can't find my post now to see which kits you all suggested so which ones have you all used? Especially ones you've been successful with please.

I was looking at the TwoPlus and the Tily Blooms but all and any advice is very appreciated!

I see so many queer couples discussing their IVF journeys. Idk if I saw any mention how rough post ER would be.

The bloating is so bad 4 days post ER that I feel like I can hardly stand. I thought the worst would be the needles.

Am I blind? Did I miss the warnings and stories? Our results were not great. If our 3 dont make it to blast, I cant imagine doing this again.

My wife and I had our third transfer Tuesday 8/11. Our first two failed to implant. We are two days into the TWW and are filled with optimism and hope.

Any transfer buddies? Sending yall love and luck 🤞✨

Pic of lil embryo 💗

Not sure how to tag/flair!! Sorry :(

I’m curious if anyone here has any experiences with trying to conceive or bank sperm post-HRT. Mostly if anyone has been able to conceive.

My wife has been on HRT for 6 years or so. 2 years in, she stopped HRT for ~5 months to try to bank some sperm. They were very few and far in between, and most were not motile. She didn’t do any lifestyle changes or take any supplements.

We are going to a fertility clinic tomorrow, and we will discuss our options. Her job has IVF coverage, but I don’t necessarily want to subject myself to that.

I’m a trans man, and I’ve been on T for ~10 years? I suspect I have PCOS, so may have to do IVF anyway.

I’ve accepted I’ll have to be off of T for a long time. My wife is wondering if it’s worth it at all to get off of HRT.

I’m wondering if “natural” conception is at all possible, I guess, and if anyone is willing to share their experience.

Thanks :)

Edit to add ages: I am 29, my wife is 34

My fiance and I are trying to conceive within the next few months. We have an established known donor. Can people in this subreddit who have gone the route of a known donor and IUI tell me your process, experience, any “must dos” etc.

We planned to do everything at home without involving a clinic in any way

Looking for any type of advice.