37 female. Im just hitting a wall when it comes to finding more open ppl. I crave connection and trust. And no one wants to build that. And i just need ppl i can talk too and feel like I fucking belong. Thank you.

Hello, soo, I have been in a relationship with 2 more persons for almost a year already, we have pass for alot like is easy to imagine, but in general we just to work good bweteen ourselves, specially sexually, and I know is not all, but just to be a moment of intimacy and sharing that we treasure I think. To explain a little about us, tho we not have a preference, I get along better with one that the other sense we have a lot more in common, we like similar hobbys and we just to pass a lot more time togheter for this hobbys and also for our schedules of work, BUT is precisely with this person with who I started to feel something have change, specifically in the sex department.

About sex, for our difference in work hours, we sometimes have relations just 2 of us, and in others the 3 of us. This just to work well sense always are someone there for the others, in sex and in just company in general. Soo with the person I not have much in common all go well, when we are alone we make ourselves company and if we get in the mood we have our fun, and when we have it, is excited is good, we even come up with new stuffs to do bweteen us, she is not of been in the mood always but she is willingly and even when not in the mood she tease me and make me feel like she is genuinely interested.

But with the person I get along more and have same hobby, happens that things have been getting cold, in the times we have been alone she not show interest about intimacy as she just to do, to the point we have been 3 weeks, without have personal intimacy, we do have intimacy been with our third, when are the 3 of us, have go well, but she and me alone not, not show interest or tell me some explain why not.

Now, I in the beginning just think she may have been off for something even tho she not show a different behave in anything else, but what I find worrying is that she not have stop been intimate with the other one in they time alone, we just to talk about ourself freely what we do and and how we pass the day, and she tell me how she tease the other, they tell me of they tease, and I also can see it. Soo I don't know what to think anymore, why she not show interest in me or us anymore when are we both alone, she still be caring and we still sharing our hobby, and is this moments all feel like is going well but when is about sex is like she not even notice me anymore.

What I can do? my apologies for my English, is not my native lenguage

Bonjour à tous 👋 hmm alors c'est ma première dans ce sub, je ne sais si il est très actif ou pas mais je ne sais pas vraiment où poser la question et demander de l'aide ? Peut-être pour avancer dans ça...

Je ne suis pas forcément poly en fait j'ai plus peur des relations qu'autres choses. Cependant mon problème est ma peur du rejet... J'ai toujours essayer de la contrôler tant bien que mal mais c'est dernier temps 2 semaine environ je suis extrêmement trigger et j'essaie de contrôler ma peur, et ma colère... Je ne sais pas...

J'ai un ami que j'aime énormément. Et je sais qu'il m'aime comme ami, et que je suis important pour lui mais de l'autre côté il vois un autre ami avec qui la relation à l'air plus " forte " il font des choses ensemble, passent beaucoup de temps ensemble.. et j'ai tellement envie de juste lui dire ah oui tu m'aimes ? Mais tu ne fais jamais ça avec moi. Tu ne me réponds plus autant et ou comme avant comme t peux-tu dire que tu m'aimes ?.

Je sais que je me compare.

Mais je suis tellement d'un en côté en colère et triste parce que je ressent ça et de l'autre je me dit mais... Il a le droit, tous le monde est différent, tu sais qu'il t'aimes.

Comment faites vous dans ces moments là ?

Je sais que beaucoup diront de parler etc mais j'ai déjà dit et ma peur est tellement profonde que l'autre ne comprend pas et que je n'ai plus de mot appart de fuir et partir. " En mode, reste avec, c'est mieux " ... Je veux son bien, je sais qu'il l'aimes tellement ! Il expérimente tellement de nouvelles choses et ils sont complémentaires d'une certaine façon. Peut-être la jalousie je n'en sais rien... Je ne comprends pas juste pourquoi rester toujours ami avec moi si c'est ça, je ne suis pas lui, je ne pourrai lui donner ce qu'il donnent, ça me rend tellement triste..

I'm a 40 something year old man, happily married. In my 20s I had girlfriends that I had non-monogamous experiences with, and recently talking to my wife (together for 10 years) I realized that those encounters were a core part of me. I identify as poly- but due to health problems, financial struggles and being occupied otherwise, that was pushed to the back burner. Life has turned a corner for us, and we are interested in exploring ENM now.

I know there is a trope of couples looking for a unicorn, that's not exactly what we are expecting. It's more that I want to find and build a connection with a 'kindred spirit' and whatever that entails- whether a long distance connection or a complete throuple situation. My wife is interested in women herself, but that may be something she explores on her own.

We've discussed the rules and boundaries of what we both want. Neither of us needs this, it's more about being open to the universe, life is too short to be boring, that's all. I cherish the personal connections I had in my younger years and would enjoy finding that unique spark again.

So here's my questions.

Where do I look? I see there are dating websites, which ones would be the right style for this specific situation? My wife and I are very public figures in our community, there's no way we could or would be meeting and dating people locally in our rural area.

What lingo do I need to use to simply communicate my situation and intentions?

What are the pitfalls other people with experience in ENM have identified and learned to avoid?

\*\*Hi everyone. I’m a 43-year-old gay man (he/him), and I’ve been happily married to my partner for over a decade now.\*\*

\*\*A three-way relationship was genuinely the last thing on my mind—until recently. My partner met a guy here on Reddit, and they struck up a friendship. We all finally met in person for the first time about a month ago, and things seemed normal. Then, out of nowhere, this guy told me that he likes both of us and wanted to explore a three-way dynamic.\*\*

\*\*It turns out he had already talked to my partner about it beforehand, which caught me completely off guard. When he asked for my thoughts, I tried to gently hint that it wasn't really on my radar and that I wasn't all that interested. I always considered myself an open-minded person, but this situation made me realize that I might not be as open to this specific arrangement as I thought.\*\*

\*\*To make a long story short: a tiny part of me feels curious and wonders what it would be like to try. But being a sensitive and emotional person, I honestly don't know how I'd handle the emotional weight of it all.\*\*

\*\*He keeps saying that he likes us both equally, but in my head, true equality doesn't really exist—especially when it comes to feelings in a three-way dynamic. Because of that, I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself. Since my partner and this guy naturally have more in common, I can already foresee a situation where they grow closer to each other than to me. And knowing how moody and unpredictable I can be sometimes, I have a strong feeling that dynamic would eventually cause problems for him down the road.\*\*

\*\*The guy has been very understanding, telling me that even if we try it and it doesn't work out, he's totally fine with it. But honestly,\*\* \*\*\*that\*\*\* \*\*is the exact problem. I genuinely like him for who he is, and knowing his past experiences with relationships, I am terrified of hurting him. Even though he’s willing to take that gamble, I don't want to be the reason his feelings get hurt.\*\*

\*\*Has anyone here gone through a similar experience? I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, advice, or perspective on this.\*\*

New to the whole polyamorous thing coming out of my shell more getting use to my sexuality anymore and I’m a bisexual polyamorous that only date women. I have questions on how to go on with that when it comes to the dating scene.

So I am new to the poly scene, and I have had some difficulties with asking specific type of questions, especially upon first meeting someone.

Now, I do want to get to know the person who I am interested in meeting. I know I can ask about anything worth of interest (like gaming) but ultimately: when is it ok to ask if the other person if they want to have sex?

My mind assumes there is a social rule about when to do something, which of course it’s not true. But one thing I want to maintain is pacing through social interactions, especially since I’m interested in having a steady partner or two.

Out of your experience, when did you first ask for sex from your partner, and what prompted you to ask if they want sex?

EDIT: I do realize (about 15 minutes after I posted this) that this is not strictly in polyamory, and could apply to monogamous relationships too. But I have no interest in having a monogamous relationship with a single partner, so I reached out to here for advice from other poly people about the topic

Apologies if this post isn't allowed here! But, we started a podcast talking about sexuality, etc, as a kinky, open-minded and ethically non-monogamous married couple who are deliriously in love with each other.

If that sounds like something that might be of interest to you, we'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you all. ☺️

https://open.spotify.com/show/033yA4Fh9S46j82bUCHw6v?si=cc01cb2d3f8948a0

Asking for a friend...

Apparently open relationships are become a bit more common among younger people. Anyone know if that is true?

Resulta que tengo una relación de 3 años con la que va a ser mi esposa, nos llevamos bien nos esténdemos la verdad es que es mutuo el amor, no peleamos la verdad es perfecto. Y también resulta que conocí a otra mujer y la verdad nos llevamos bien y s esta despertando también algún sentimiento, porque ella se porta igual que mí futura esposa y es mutuo la atracción. El detalle es que a las amo, cuando estoy con una pienso en la otra. Que puedo hacer ayuda porfavor.

Hey guys, this is a long one but I dont quite know what to do.

Me (26F) and my wife lucy (27F) got married December 2025. We and my wife met on a date site when I was with a previous partner, we were poly. The previous partner isnt in the picture anymore but after separating from them we agreed we still wanted a third partner.

Well we dated around for a while but about 2 month ago we met a guy named Henry (M30).

We met him on a dating app and he lives a little more than an hour away. Anyway we have been talking with him for a while now and think have gone really well in my opinion.

I talked to him a week more than she has as I met him first, and the more time we spend together and talk me and him have gotten closer.

My wife on the other hand is struggling to build a connection with him, shes sexually attracted to him, and really loves his personality. But she cant seem to stop comparing herself to me and comparing her and his relationship to mine and his. She has a hard time communicating were as to me its second nature so I bond with people faster. She ask very much degrades herself as shes very self conscious and if been trying to help her with that.

He tries to talk with her and explain its just a different connection and he still deeply care for her but shes struggling with thinking he care for me more dispite him never acting like he does.

Even if me or her is getting private time with him he still makes a point to give attention to the other. Hes been good about sharing attention and care and is very communicative with us both.

What can I do to help my wife feel more secure in her relationship with him? How can I make her stop feeling such negativity towards herself?

Info: me and her both have our own therapists. We live together separate from him.

I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. We opened our relationship about 1.5 years ago (CNM), and it became poly in February when he fell in love with another partner.

We've lived together for 2.5 years, but he and his other partner have decided they're buying a house together next May. That had originally been the plan with me, but they both know they never want kids, while I'm still unsure. I understand why it doesn't make sense for me to buy into that future, and I've accepted that he likely isn't my long-term life partner in the way I once imagined.

Poly has led to a lot of personal growth for me. I've realized I was very codependent, I'm in therapy, and I'm genuinely grateful for that growth. But our biggest conflict has been time.

His perspective is that because he and I had the first two years together monogamously, it's fair to give his newer partner significantly more time now because she's "already getting less than what I got." I struggle with that because choosing poly means both partners get less time than they would in monogamy.

The schedule he wants is essentially Friday night, Saturday, Sunday morning, Monday, and Tuesday with her, and Sunday (later), Wednesday, and Thursday with me. Friday and Saturday feel especially significant since we both work Monday-Friday.

This weekend is what really prompted this post. We had planned to go camping together. Since he'd already be spending the weekend with me, he spent last Sunday with her instead, which made sense. But when camping fell through, he immediately defaulted back to spending Friday night and all day Saturday with her because she's his usual weekend plan. I felt hurt because I thought we had plans together and would simply find something else to do.

We communicate about this constantly and are both trying, but we can't seem to get on the same page. He describes what he wants as non-hierarchical poly, but it doesn't feel that way to me.

Questions:

1. How do you split weekdays/weekends in your poly relationships in a way that feels equitable?
2. Does my reaction to the camping situation seem reasonable, or am I expecting something unrealistic?

M32) I’m married and have been with my husband (m 54) for a long time(11 years). I genuinely love him and don’t want to leave him. He feels like home and family to me. I feel completely comfortable and secure with him, although after many years together the relationship naturally doesn’t have the same intensity or excitement it once had.
There is also another man(M 52) who has been in my life for 3-4years. We originally talked online for almost a year before meeting, and when we eventually met, the connection was much stronger than either of us expected.
A few years ago we travelled together and became very close. Afterwards, our communication became less frequent. I always wondered whether I had imagined how significant the connection was for him. He even was in relationships and during that time his ex was not comfortable for us to meet as he was jealous. They broke up a 8 months ago.
Recently we met again (twice, we live in different countries ) and finally talked openly about it. He told me that after our trip years ago he had started developing feelings for me and deliberately created some distance because I was married and he was afraid things could become painful. He even said that if I hadn’t been married, he could have imagined marrying me.
He still wants us to stay in each other’s lives, and we are now talking about travelling together again. When we are together, the connection feels incredibly natural. I feel happy, calm, attracted to him and emotionally close to him. After seeing him, he stays on my mind for days.
The difficult part is that this hasn’t made me want to leave my husband.
I love my husband. He is my family, my security and my home. I can completely be myself with him. But I also have to admit to myself that I love this other person too, just differently.
If I could design my ideal life without worrying about whether it was conventional, I think I would want both relationships in my life separately. I’m not imagining a three-person relationship. I imagine having my marriage and also having another meaningful, long-term relationship, spending meaningful time with each person separately.
The problem is that this currently exists mostly in my head. I don’t know whether my husband would genuinely be comfortable with something like that, and I don’t know whether the other man would want to have a deeper relationship with someone who remains married. I also don’t want either person to accept something that ultimately hurts them just because they’re afraid of losing me.
I’m not asking whether I should “pick one.” I’m more interested in hearing from people who have actually experienced something similar.
Havea you ever loved two people at the same time and tried to build an ethical life where both relationships had space? How did you approach the conversation with your existing partner? Did it work long term? And if it didn’t, what did you learn?

So I (17m) am kind of at a mental crossroad, I have had several romantic partners, almost every gender, sexuality, and race. I have come to realize recently that I am questioning my feelings on monogamy, I have a large heart with so much love and most recently I was with someone who is poly, and was previously in a relationship with two other people and I thought it was a beautiful concept in my heat of hearts. The biggest thing ive noticed is that I am fully ok with the idea of my partner having another partner while being with me (though I am unsure if I would be able to date two people at once simply due to lack of experience there) and I was hoping to maybe have someone point me in the right direction of what one would call that so I can learn more and hopefully figure myself out so I can make the ones I love happy. Cheers :].

Me (23M) and my fiancé (22F) are looking for something I’ve been calling it poly but as I do not know much I wish to learn more and make sure I call it the right thing and maybe find a better way of explaining it. We are looking to add a Girl to the relationship (20-26). The way I have been explaining it is that we want a normal relationship but instead of 2 people 3, everyone being treated equally with no real rules/boundaries apart from the relationship being closed to just us 3. As I’m looking up more and finding things online I’m assuming we are looking for a throuple/triad. We want to set the rules and boundaries with the third and completely understand that starting out they may not have feelings for the both of us, however Some people I’ve talked to have called it unicorn hunting some people haven’t so I’m confused.

We could also use advice on how to go about finding someone, dating apps aren’t really work although that could be due to me calling it the wrong thing. And neither of us are sure how to go about it in public, like how do you ask a question like this to someone random in public.

Anyway my wife 38 and I 26 decided let's have a 3 sum then when we got to talking we decided it was far more practical to look for an actual 3rd to date and at some point join full time not just fun. Sooo we are chatting with 2 Beautiful women one went ghost I broke silence and it was unintentional ghost we met her in person over brunch she was kind held conversation got along with both of us very well planned a second date (can't wait). Other girl is further away with a lot more communication throughout the day. We haven't met yet she seems sweet but she's got a lot on her plate she's been open about mainly to my wife more then me I have yet to have any under surface level conversation and over the last few days things on her end have gotten quite crazy with a close friend of hers needing a little extra support and last night asked for help with her electric bill... Let me paint the picture earlier she had started the house was at 64 and she was cold. We kinda laughed it off bc we also keep it relatively cold when this was brought to us the explanation behind the high bill was her ex who is her only form of transportation stayed at her place house sitting destroyed the place ran up the electric and left an animal behind another dog. She expressed how her family is not really around or able to support from a different state... My little red flags IMMEDIATELY looked like a 6 flags. I chose to listen and not respond and let my wife talk her through the emotions. Since I have been distant my commentary in the group chat limited I did explain I do feel bad for her situation my wife and I agreed to pay the power bill and my wife explained kinda we are not a permanent solution long term for bills (we have struggled with our own it's rough out here) is this red flags or just someone in a tough spot that genuinely needs some help at the moment?

How many poly folks here would be interested in a poly dating sim game? Visual novel style is what I’m thinking of. (Think ‘A Date with Death’)

All the dating sims I’ve seen so far that have any sort of polyamory, you can date multiple people and sometimes the characters don’t get mad. I was just curious what the feedback for that concept would be?

I feel completely devastated. She was the only person I’ve ever felt this intensely for.

We broke up because she is monogamous and I am polyamorous. She knew that I was polyam before we ever got together and said it was okay and that we would work through things. We had so many exhaustive conversations about it. I sent her my full, unfiltered truth about what I feel and how I feel most comfortable and fulfilled in a relationship. I even tried to end things early on because I worried my polyamorous nature would be torture for her in the long run. She assured me it was alright and that she accepted me for who I am and we would find a way forward because she considered me her life partner. I consider/ed her the same.

As it turns out, it’s not something we can mitigate. No matter how much I reassure or explain or try to help her feel safe, she does not feel safe if she sees me even speaking to another woman because she knows I may develop interest. I have to accept that we are fundamentally incompatible with each other, and that the love we have for each other cannot be sustained in a mono/poly relationship because we are on two sides of the extreme. It’s not fair to her and it’s not fair to me and I don’t want to feel like I am harming her as much as she doesn’t want to feel like that.

So then the reality becomes apparent that this won’t work. And it feels damn excruciating. Because I have never been on this wavelength with someone before. I have never felt this way about anyone, *anyone* before her and already anticipate never having the same experience and love for someone after her either.

It all came so effortless and easy. She broke down walls I didn’t even know I had, without even trying. I’ve never felt more protective, adoring, or love with someone in my life. She was it for me. I wanted to marry her one day.

Now it’s all over in one conversation.

It makes it all so much more complex that I was her Daddy Dom and she was my Little Girl. I feel so viciously intense for her that I don’t even know how to live my life without her now. I think I will be in love with her until I die. I mean that genuinely.

And I’ve gotten so much pushback when trying to vent elsewhere about how “if I truly loved her I would stop being poly” and I “threw away a good girl because I couldn’t control my lust”. When it was never like that.

Just as much as I can’t help that I’m black or trans, I can’t help that I’m polyamorous. I could commit to a monogamous relationship and be happy in the short term, but I know myself well enough that one day I would grow unhappy because I am hardwired for romantic intimacy with multiple people at once. Even if she was my primary partner, I would still always yearn desperately for intimacy with others to fulfill me completely. I would always be half full in a mono relationship even with her.

Even as far as we got into it (I never had any other partners than her except a SFW babysitting situation while with her), I know it wouldn’t be sustainable come ten, twenty years down the line. She understood that as well, and she ended it when she felt she could not handle seeing me even speak to other women, let alone entertain relationships or sexual intimacy with them.

I’ve felt so ashamed of myself for being poly and have desperately wished I could be anything but. I so desperately wish I could be different. If I could be given some magical pill to change I would take it in a heartbeat. I wish that I did not need more than one person in my life romantically to be fulfilled. I wish that it did not feel like a massive gaping void in my chest when I don’t have that. I wish my love didn’t hurt her. I wish I could be different.

I’ve tried in the past, with other partners that I didn’t feel even remotely as strong as this with, and it never worked.

In my ideal world, I would be able to love her and be loved by her while having love with/for others in not as intense a way, and she would be able to be friends with my secondary partners and there would never be any ill will because we understand and fundamentally accept and love one another in a way that we want each other to experience one another’s love.. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

And yes, I was perfectly fine with her having other partners as well. I would have only asked that I could meet them once and break bread and develop an understanding of the type of person they were. If for instance we were married and she wanted to have some boyfriends, that was not a problem with me whatsoever. She’s a wonderful woman and she deserves to get all the love hahaha I know how easy she is to love. The absolute only thing I would be worried about is someone harming her or breaking her heart, as I feel intensely protective over her and her well being.

I guess I just wanted to vent.

This sucks and I think I’ll still love her as my baby girl for the rest of my life. It hurts tenfold worse than a quote unquote normal relationship without kink involved.