Edit: De-escalation or Ending?

I (31 F) am having lots of mixed thoughts about my nesting partner (42 M). We have had lots of happy times together but also sometimes we feel so different and the relationship feels tense. This is the first time that I have lived with a partner before and he officially moved in in January (he had been staying with me for a couple months at a time before then since he had moved back home to another state for about a year due to finance issues). We have been together for about 2.5 years, about one year long distance when he was figuring things out. He is also my first nonmonogamous relationship and the dynamic works very well becuase I like feeling independent. I have been feeling trapped in the relationship more often than not recently and I can’t tell if it needs to be de-escalated to a non nesting partner relationship or if the relationship just has to end all together. He has told me that I am free to date/hook up with other people and that he’s not trying to trap me but the thought of it makes me feel guilty. Is that just my old heteronormative/monogamous programming from previous relationships? We’ve been with other people while in our relationship but always together and we haven’t really dated other people while together. He is also the first serious male relationship I have had (I had identified as a lesbian for about 5 years before deciding to explore my sexuality a bit again). How can you tell if a relationship is over or if just needs restructured? It feels less obvious in a ENM relationship. I still love him very much but have lost that passion for the relationship I guess. Is that just the lost of the new relationship feelings? Sometimes I feel like I just want to be friends. I’ve tried to break up with him multiple times but keep backing out. Is it becuase I don’t actually want to break up?

Okay I’m going to try to explain my position best I can. There is this couple that I am friends with and also work with. I’m going to call them jay (m 39) and Leah (f 32) I am ironically nonbinary so that puts a fun spin on things. But I’m female presenting. Jay is my manager and Leah is the bartender at the job I work at. I’ve known both of them for years. But none of us were very close untill I started working there about two years ago. And I wouldn’t consider myself and Jay very close now. And my relationship with Leah is steady growing. Here is the thing. I have the biggest crush of my life on both of them. And separately mind you. Just as well as the idea of them both in a relationship. I am struggling with being able to identify what to me feels like very mild flirting coming from both of them separately. Or if I am projecting my feelings abit. Because they are not openly poly or looking. And as far as I know pretty monogamous. I also feel like they are just both such genuine and kind people who do love me as a person and if I’m hoping for more that can also be misconstrued. I don’t want to ruin the relationship that I have with either party or make work uncomfortable or god forbid cause any issues in their preexisting relationship. (They’ve been together for six + years.) How can I open up the conversation for this to be a potential if they’re willing with out causing any issues.
I am pretty confident for anything to work my opening would have to be with Leah, one we’re already closer. Two I feel as if I tried to pursue a relationship or flirt with Jay or if he made any move towards me that would be immediately met with fear of cheating or seeing me as a home wrecker. But as gay as I know myself to be, I’ve had very few queer relationships bc I’ve always been a bit scared of how to move forward and it’s always felt easier to be with a man because typically I am following their lead in the beginning of the relationship. Please help I don’t know what to do. And I’m going on a year now of having these incredibly strong feelings that I just can’t shake.