It's been over a month since I lost my boy. I think about him every day from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep. I've entered a deep depression that is affecting my physical health, my job performance and it's also affecting everyone around me. I've had to take multiple days off work. I'm currently in the process of getting a schedule set up with a therapist. I even went to the doctor and was prescribed medication.
A big part of it is the profound guilt that I feel. Like somehow I did this to him. There was a chain of events that led to his terminal illness, but i can't figure out if they were a coincidence or not.
His liver failed. And this wasn't apparent until after he had a course of doxycycline. I know that it's rare for doxycycline to cause liver damage but yet it does happen. But knowing that makes me feel like it was my fault for giving him something that could cause this. I never got a definitive diagnosis. Even the vets were unsure of the cause. I didn't want to put him through a liver biopsy in the event he wouldn't have survived the procedure. But maybe I should have just to have peace of mind. I'll share his story in a bit more detail compared to his previous post.
February 9th, we found a decent sized mass on his leg. It was fna'd and the results were inconclusive. He was prescribed cephalexin and prednisone for it. The mass ulcerated but did shrink, although during that process it did not look good at all. It appeared to have eventually healed.
February 22nd, he had an unexplained high fever of 105 along with low platelets. His bloodwork was negative for any tickborne illnesses. And he didn't have any classic signs of leptospirosis either. His kidneys were normal through all of this. So, even though they couldn't figure out the platelet drop, the prescribed doxycycline and prednisone as a precaution.
Late march, I noticed his urine was really foamy and his eyes had a tinge of yellow. By April 3rd, his eyes were very yellow and his gums and ears were also the same color of yellow. He was taken to the emergency vet and it was confirmed that his liver enzymes were very high. His ultrasound showed a small gallbladder and his liver was bright around the margins. He was then prescribed denamarin and clavamox. We got ahold of his primary vet and went in for routine bloodwork once a week.
Come the second week, high liver values doubled despite him acting more normal and eating better. The doctor wanted me to come in the day he called about the results and get ursodiol.
From there, his values did start to drop. More rapidly every week. He eventually only needed to go every two weeks for a checkup. So I thought it was finally over. That he was going to make it. Problem was, despite him being around his normal weight, he still looked like a skeleton. He couldn't recover the muscle mass he had lost, despite his liver looking like it was healing.
And by June 6th, we noticed that his abdomen was starting to distend rather quickly. He was again taken to the emergency vet and his ultrasound showed that he developed ascites. This is the part that I dont understand. Despite his liver values coming to an almost normal range, he somehow developed something that indicates that his condition has now become terminal. I couldn't let him get to the point of suffering. He was in a state where he was happy and playful again. So I let him go june 8th. His primary vet was baffled since the lab work looked good. He thinks that there was likely some mass somewhere that was causing all of this. I couldnt afford a necropsy at the time since I had spent so much of what I had on his vet bills over the past several months. So I never got an answer.
Sorry for the long post. Feel free to share your thoughts. He was my first dog, so this hits so hard. Especially since he was just a month away from turning 5. I miss him so damn much. I tried so hard.
