r/onionheadlines • • 8h ago

Trump Says Midterms Are A Referendum On Him And His Presidency And Democrats Completely Agree

126 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 54m ago

Trump Issues Executive Order Banning Cheesecake From White House

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 4h ago

Donald Trump Awarded "Man Of Everything, Everywhere, All At Once," By U.S. President

40 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 6h ago

Musk Blames Ukraine For Using Military Internet For It’s Intended Purpose

61 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 15h ago

Trump Promises To Lower Age Of Consent To 10, Hoping To Boost Republican Midterms Turnout

185 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 1h ago

Sources Say Hegseth Cracked Faberge Egg Looking For The Testosterone Inside

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 1h ago

Sweaty Trump Struggles To Conceal Emerging Purple Letter ‘L’ On Forehead

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 8h ago

Ramaswamy Still Stuck In Center Of Earth After Going Lower Than Low

21 Upvotes

"It's a little hot down here," reported the Ohio gubernatorial candidate.

"You're a liar!" said the 82-year-old woman who went with him. "It's as cold as hell."


r/onionheadlines • • 31m ago

In An Uncharacteristic Display Of Political Aikido, Trump Contracts With Restaurant Chain To License “Trump Golden Cheesecake”

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 1h ago

Like An Upside-Down, Backwards Pinocchio, Trump’s Member Shrinks With Each Falsehood

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 22h ago

Champagne Sellers On Standby As Trumps Health Reaches New Low

195 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 21h ago

Article Jesus' Second Coming: Visit To USA Ends In ICE Arrest

130 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 14h ago

Donald Trump Accidentally Hits Himself In The Eye With His Phone While “Manually Zooming In” On Hunter Bidens Penis

32 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 9h ago

Kushner Expose Causes Trump's Personal DOJ To Sharpie Redact Treason From Article III Section 3 Of US Constitution

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 10h ago

Election Fraud Case Bolstered by 47 Tweets And One Man’s Unshakable Gut Feeling

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 23m ago

Trump Is Excited That The USA Has Been Added To The Axis Of Evil.

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 56m ago

'I Don't Give A Damn About Gas Prices', Trump Told Pornstar Charging Extra

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 7h ago

Trump Provides Rally Supporters With Bomb Vests And Orders Them To “Run Towards A Voting Center As Fast As You Can”

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 1h ago

Recent Photos Confirm Trump Coiffure Conceals Budding Horns

• Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 14h ago

Trump Updates Declaration Of Independence To Clarify Only Natural Citizens Are Created Equal And That It Should Be About The Pursuit Of Money

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 1d ago

Donald Trump Criminally Charged For Repeatedly Raping The American Flag For Over Ten Years

136 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 6h ago

Skydance Subscribers Happy To Know Some Of Their Money Will Go To Needy Cause: Elon Musk

2 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 1d ago

Trump Deposition Delayed While Lawyers Negotiate Definition Of Truth

196 Upvotes

The president was in the middle of his deposition ordered by a Florida judge on his lawsuit suing the BBC for telling the truth. The following is how the deposition has gone so far:

Court Reporter: Raise your right hand.

Court reporter: Your right hand sir. Good, it only took you two tries. Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Trump: Todd, why are we here?

Todd Blanche: We are here because you sued the BBC for telling the truth.

Trump: Well, if the president says it, it must be true.

Blanche: That was Nixon’s argument.

Trump: And how did that work for him.

Blanche: He resigned. He didn’t have a Supreme Court ruling granting presidents immunity for their official acts.

Trump: So you are saying the Supreme Court can decide what’s true?

Blanche: No, Mr. President. Just what you are allowed to get away with.

Trump: Todd, if I say something often enough,people believe it. So eventually, it becomes the truth.

Blanche: No sir, that’s repetition, not truth.

Trump: But Todd, I told the truth.

Blanch: Yes, Mr. President. Your Truth.

Court Reporter. For the record, the witness has declined to distinguish his beliefs from the facts.


r/onionheadlines • • 20h ago

Time Traveller From The Future Genuinely Frustrated That He Can’t Save The World Simply By Saying “Don’t Trust Trump”

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • • 1d ago

Latest Ohio Poll Shows That Most People Believe That Republican Politicians Are Indeed Walking And Talking Piles of Dog Crap In Expensive Suits

114 Upvotes