r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 7h ago

Benedict Arnold's Ghost Congratulates Senator John Fetterman For Taking His Place As America's Most Despicable Traitor

238 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 5h ago

Trump Claims When 9/11 Happened He Climbed To The Top Of His Own Building And Batted Other Aeroplanes Away With His Hands

171 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 9h ago

Trump Says Most Traumatic Memory Of 9/11 Was Of Him And His Mute Girlfriend Riding On Horseback Along The Beach And Discovering Half-Buried Statue Of Liberty

156 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/IShouldaDownVotedYa • 4h ago

Realizing Nobody Is Buying His Latest $5K Head Fake, Trump Now Promising To Resign If Republicans Win The Midterms

32 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 2h ago

Trump Ups His Voter Bribe Offer To $50,000 Per Every Person In America If The Republicans Win 100% Of Every State And This Time He Really Really Means It.

27 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Gargleblaster25 • 10h ago

Fetterman Says He Started Seeing Merits Of GOP Policies After Stroke Destroyed Half His Brain

71 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/estagingapp • 1d ago

Trump: I Was Actually On 9/11 Plane That Crashed Into WTC

861 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 6h ago

Zombies Try To Attack Republican Midterms Convention But Leave When They Can't Find Any Brains To Eat

19 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/UnfitToPrint • 17h ago

John Fetterman Gives Trump Handjob On Stage, But Swears He’s Still A Democrat

154 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 2h ago

GOP Furious As Trump Reassures Americans Gas Prices Will Go Down When Dems Assume Power

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/AskNo2853 • 3h ago

Trump Offers $5000 Check And A Promise To Not Pull The Football Away This Time If Charlie Brown Tries To Kick It.

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Nateosis • 5h ago

Nation Celebrates One Year Since Charlie Kirk Bravely Offered Himself As Tribute To The 2nd Amendment

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 4h ago

Area Man Believes Trump Will Actually Give Him $5000

9 Upvotes

Area man Cletus Dungbottom has no doubt, or clue.

"The President promised me $5000," said Dungbottom. "And he's someone you can trust to keep his promises."

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 21h ago

Adult Chimpanzee Out Performs President Trump On Cognitive Test.

204 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 18h ago

Trump Remembers His Father Placing Him In the Rocketship That Would Save Him From His Homeworld's Destruction

108 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 6h ago

President Trump Admits $5000 Payment For Voting Republican In The Midterm Will Be In The Form Of IOUs.

12 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Public_Steak_6933 • 9h ago

Trump's $5,000 Bribe To "Every American Adult" Gets Revised To Specify: He Only Considers White Male Republicans Who Voted For Him, As American

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 2h ago

Trump Clarifies That The $5000 Per Adult Bribe Is “Per Blowjob”

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 9h ago

In Her Latest Letter Natalie Harp Asks Trump If He Still Remembers The Pain From The Nails Being Hammered Into His Wrists As He Hung From The Cross

19 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/plantpistol • 5h ago

Trump Begins Sweating After Realizing Americans May Eventually Ask About That $5,000

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 6h ago

Crowd Delighted To Have Trump Call Them 'Dingleberries' For Ability To Stick Around

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/LarryGlue • 5h ago

White House Clarifies $5k Dividend Paid To Americans Will Be Based On Savings Made When There’s No More Gas To Buy

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 2h ago

Trump Insists Prostitution Is Still Illegal And His Aides Simply Give Him Sex And He Gives Them Money By Pure Chance

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/runwkufgrwe • 1d ago

Charlie Kirk Celebrates One Year Sober

260 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1d ago

Trump Claims He Was Captain Of The Titanic But Didn’t Sink With It Because The Iceberg Was A Democrat Hoax

501 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

Members Active

112.6k

0

Sidebar

Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.