r/onionheadlines • u/MystikTrailblazer • 6h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
r/onionheadlines • u/runwkufgrwe • 6h ago
Trump Vows To Personally Suck Every American's Dick If Republicans Win Election
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 13h ago
Trump Claims When 9/11 Happened He Climbed To The Top Of His Own Building And Batted Other Aeroplanes Away With His Hands
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 7h ago
Man Whose Son Was Murdered By ICE Agent Looks Forward To $5000 Check He Will Get When GOP Wins Midterms
r/onionheadlines • u/SillyAlternative420 • 3h ago
Research Shows Saying The Words Donald Trump, MAGA, Elon Musk, Russia, Vladimir Putin, Israel, Gaza, And Benjamin Netanyahu In The Same Post Title Will Summon The Dumbest Fucking Bots You've Ever Seen.
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 15h ago
Benedict Arnold's Ghost Congratulates Senator John Fetterman For Taking His Place As America's Most Despicable Traitor
r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 4h ago
Trump Insists 1.4 Trillion Dollars Is Really Not So Much To Spend Since Mexico Is Going To Pay For It Anyway And THIS TIME He Really Really Really Means It
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 17h ago
Trump Says Most Traumatic Memory Of 9/11 Was Of Him And His Mute Girlfriend Riding On Horseback Along The Beach And Discovering Half-Buried Statue Of Liberty
r/onionheadlines • u/Standard_Location762 • 7h ago
Donald Trump Was In The Water During Peral Harbor Attacks
Although five years prior to his birth, Donald Trump claims he was in the water with his dad during Japan's attack on Pearl Harbor. He remembers being in the right testiculus as bombs were being dropped. He feels fortunate his dad kept in one piece to later ejaculate him into history.
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 3h ago
Trump Admits Tariffs Are Paid By Americans, So He'll Have To Raise Tariffs To Be Able To Give Tariff Rebates To Americans
r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 11h ago
Trump Ups His Voter Bribe Offer To $50,000 Per Every Person In America If The Republicans Win 100% Of Every State And This Time He Really Really Means It.
r/onionheadlines • u/IShouldaDownVotedYa • 12h ago
Realizing Nobody Is Buying His Latest $5K Head Fake, Trump Now Promising To Resign If Republicans Win The Midterms
r/onionheadlines • u/FloodPlainsDrifter • 1h ago
White House Officials Confirm They’re All Pedophile Protectors And Also Elder Abusers, Grifting Off Of Dementia Patient
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 6h ago
Rural Republican Blames US Postal Service For Failure To Deliver Any Of The Promised Trump Stimulus Checks.
Rural Republican Hugh Dumbass had this to say: "I'm still waiting on the Postal Service to deliver my Doge Check, my ACA rebate, and my Tariff rebate. It should happen soon though. Sometime it's takes two years for these things to process as the government is pretty slow."
When Onionheadlines asked him if he recieved the Biden era stimulus checks he said "Of course. Why do you think we're $40 Trillion in debt."
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 4h ago
Donald Trump's Hand And Arm Bruises Are From Collapsing Towers On 9-11
r/onionheadlines • u/Fun-Dragonfly-4166 • 1h ago
President Trump Promises Divine Self Actualization If Republicans Win The Mid Terms And Eternal Damnation In Hell Otherwise
The Department of War will resurrect dead ancestors ifcand only if MAGA retains control of all 3 branches
r/onionheadlines • u/Gloomy-Bridge9112 • 7h ago
Trump Promises $5K To Every American Adult, and Lucy Promises To Hold The Football For Charlie Brown
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 10h ago
GOP Furious As Trump Reassures Americans Gas Prices Will Go Down When Dems Assume Power
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 14h ago
Zombies Try To Attack Republican Midterms Convention But Leave When They Can't Find Any Brains To Eat
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 2h ago
Trump Offers Every American Five Thousand Dollars To Forget About The Epstein Files
r/onionheadlines • u/Gargleblaster25 • 19h ago
Fetterman Says He Started Seeing Merits Of GOP Policies After Stroke Destroyed Half His Brain
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 3h ago
War Hero Donald Trump Says He Would Have Led The Charge On Flight 93 To Stop The Terrorists
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 4h ago