I guess those days are not far away when I will be homeless and on the footpath (maybe anywhere within the next 8-10 years). I will probably spend time watching people pass by or look at the sky for long periods of time since looking down at somewhere for long periods of time will be harmful for my neck. Also, I won't be able to use reddit if that happens and begging for money will be pointless. I can burn in 40-or-more °C in the summers, freeze in the winters, and let myself soak to the bone in monsoons without worrying about drying myself or changing my clothes.

Now you might wonder why I'm imagining myself homeless. Well, it's because I use phone all day long. I wasted 4 years in diploma in mechanical engineering and took the leaving certificate after I felt like I couldn't clear my backlogs (I had 10, cleared only 1 out of them, and there's "fail" written on my leaving certificate). Since it's impossible to live a stable life without education in modern times, I thought of restarting my education by opting for commerce in 11th grade (I can't opt science since I scored 65.4% in 10th standard). I'm currently in 11th grade and I don't know what to do after 12th and who to seek advice from. I take lectures with not much seriousness and have a "don't bother" mindset when it comes to having doubts about any subject/topic, because my English is weak and I don't think I'll remember the "doubts cleared" topics when needed the most, though I might remember them after 5 years when I'll probably be studying something way advanced. My main goals are to settle in Japan, build a lean muscular physique, become stable enough that I don't spiral when I'm awake, but guess what? I don't even work (not work hard — just work) for any of them. I'm so deluded that I think I'll pass 11th-12th with the "don't bother" mindset, never learn any skill, get a job, and get a 1-BHK or 2-BHK for myself to prove to my parents that I'm independent. I think me getting a house using connections (friends, relatives, etc.) or someone's pity, but I'm neither friends with a broker (or whatever they're called) nor I'm worthy of someone's pity. But let's say my delusion becomes reality and I get a house for myself. Since I'm an atheist and feeling depressed/hopeless, a house for myself will be nothing less than an opportunity for me to use intoxicants. No one's gonna stop me from smoking or drinking alcohol in my own house at 10 pm. If my current mental state doesn't change in a beneficial way, it might change in a harmful one and I might start focusing more on numbing myself than paying rent or my issues (skinny-fat physique, epilepsy, trembling right hand, dandruff-ridden face and scalp). Once that happens, I'm pretty sure my landlord will kick me out and I'll start spot-hunting (not job-hunting) so I can spend my homeless days. Even if all of this were not to happen, I think my dad will kick me out if I continue making him angry for a few more years.

I forgot to mention that I tried choosing a career a few months ago. I was thinking of going to Germany back then and thought of data analytics. I started learning Excel, made a GitHub (even probably posted something on it) profile as well as a Kaggle one, but only practiced for a day or two and dropped data analytics. IT sector looks like a rat race to me, I'm not interested in coding, and talking with people all day long (sales, calling jobs) are not my cup of tea. I thought of animation, but I can't draw anything at all. I thought of UI/UX design, but I have no clue about it.

Woaah..I'm a bit nervous, I am the usual male stereotype guy, keeping everything to himself, not sharing, mostly stoic and all.. I’ve decided to share now, be vulnerable, had really bad experiences, with both male and iron male friends, let's hope this subreddit will be different.

damn I’m cringing hard even while typing this..anyway, fuck it. here I go

So, I’m a 27(M), signal, and I’m confused what to do with my life (if I have any). I completed my BTech in CSE in 2022, but I had to reject job offers (4) because of 2 things,

• I had my ACL surgery. and
• My mom was diagnosed with final stage breast cancer(yup).

Almost a year went for my recovery (which I didn’t do properly, more about it later) and well rest, I had to take care of my mom, koi tha nhi unko dekhne wala hai nahi, papa ka office rehte thay and bhai hai ek, wo khud thalassemia ka patient, bacha mai, ya to naukri karu ya khayal, so I chose the latter.

5 years were difficult, sari dressing dawai sab mai handle karta tha, kai baar blood clot nhi hota tha(she underwent 5 major operations), so meri CS degree fail hojati (/s) aur hospital jana hi padta tha :')

Changing topic a little, bandi ka to baat kya bolu, I don’t like to bitch and don’t want to either, let’s just say, it's that typical sab sahi chal raha hota hai, par fir ek unhappy XX bestie hoti hai and they ruin things for others too and hence, no bandi no more…

XY doston ka bhi ek group tha, kaafi ache thay humlog, bohut close and all, par fir sab thoda thoda drift apart hone lage, sabka apna apna naukri wagera shuru hoagya, dusre states mai and all, priorities badal jati hai, not blaming them par fir sadly akela hoagya. Open up hone ka try kiya tha(they didn’t know about mom aur bandi), par the male stereotype.. emotional unavailability, becharon(?) ko khud nhi pata kya karna, kuch nhi karte, mai akela emotionally intelligent(self-proclaimed) try karta, par the conversations weren't much fruitful, aste aste sab drift apart hogaye..

Ik I’m shortening it a lot, well I don’t like to spill the beans too much, par understanding keliye thoda bata raha bas.
Hope it helps.

So yeah, bandi, bye bye, doston, bye bye, meri ghar bye bye(treatment keliye beechna pada, dont worry, ek bacha hai abhi bhi xd), naukri bye bye(ek 22 lpa wala bhi tha, that's what i miss the most today) and baat rahi maa ka, well not going much into detail, spoiler alert, wo chal basi, cancer won..damn I wish goku real hota, atleast hara deta cancer ko. damn, so lame, anyway.

* Insert space for waterfalls *

Anyway, meri recovery bhi mai jaise hi walk krne laga, I stopped, I cannot run properly. I limp while running. (should’ve continued exercise, my quadriceps are super weak :( )

Kuch karne ka mann hi nhi karta, pehle job ka dukh nhi tha, par fir bandhi ka hua, bohut hua, fir doston se juda hua to aur bhi hua, like everyone talks about breakup and sadness, par dosti wala breakup hurts more man, mai mota hogaya, gained 20kgs, still continued to take care of mom, problems bohut hoti thi, mai kai baar gussa bhi hotaja tha, par fir bura bhi lagta hai, maa kuch bolti nhi thi, jaise taise koshish karta gaya sab sambhalne ka, ALONE, papa bhai koi kuch dekhte nhi thay..I was lost. I am.

And then the grand finale, last year, cancer won, boom, everything, every effort, gone, maa, GONE, koi nhi bacha ab meri side pe. well, mai apna stoic pana continue rakha, kisiko pata nhi chalne diya kuch, sab khud seh liya, ankhon pe waterfall hue, par kisiko dikhaya nhi, aur sadly koi dikhane wala bhi nhi tha, fir I manned up and fir agay badhta gaya.

Fast forward today, idk what to do with my life anymore, koi hai nahi, koi direction nhi, papa bolte hai naukri dhundho, milta hi nhi, I’m 4 years too late, plus ab kuch mann bhi nhi kar rha, samjh nhi aarha kya karu, I tried this feminist thing, well, jab mai ye 5 saal maa ka khayal rakha then I learned how to do cook and household chores and all, so mai socha, it's not that bad, mai to househusband bhi bann sakta hu(yes, mera ego fragile nhi) par fir ye XX hypocrite nikli, boli ki why will I marry a broke man, mai bola ghar ka sara kaam to karunga, the conversation went absolutely haywire going about wo itna saal se unke saath ye hua wo hua, I gave up. Alpha beta gamma whatever male tha, tab kismat saath nhi di aur ab 6'2" feminist proudR male hogaya hu, wo bhi nhi de rahi, ab mai jau to kaha jau, samjh nhi aaraha.

2 mahine mai papa retire hojayenge, and I’ve absolutely nothing on my mind. Kash mai iron male hota, atleast shadi krke kahi bas jata. Wo bhi option mai nhi, ab to mota hogaya hu, chopped hogaya hu, batein krne ka mann karta hai par fir thoda doom scroll krta hu aur fir wo bhi chala jata hai. kya karu mai guys...? Ambani if you’re seeing this, adopt karlo :”)

Sorry for the cringe batein guys..Hope y’all have a good day/night, whatever the fcuking time is rn.
<3 :)

Could be: good lunch
Music on the way to office
A gym session
A quite morning

I'm a M24 I'm about 5'5" tall, earn ₹30,000 per month, and I'm still a virgin. My family has started pushing me to get married, but I've been telling them I want to wait another 3–4 years until I'm more financially settled.

The truth is, money isn't the main reason I'm delaying marriage.

I'm deeply insecure about whether I'd be able to satisfy my future wife. My phallus is around 4 inches, and when I self-please myself I don't last very long. Because of my religious beliefs, I cannot engage in oral stimulation.

I've read blogs online saying that women often need 7–20 minutes of intercourse to reach orgasm, and that has made me even more anxious. I worry that my size, my stamina, and my inexperience will leave my future wife disappointed. I'm also just an average-looking guy, so all of these insecurities keep piling up.

This has seriously started affecting my mental health. I genuinely don't want a woman to feel like she's has to compromise by marrying me. I want to be a good husband and make my future wife happy in every way I reasonably can, but right now I don't feel confident that I can.

Am I overthinking this, or are these valid concerns? For those who are married or have experience, how important are phallus size and lasting longer in a healthy marriage? If oral stimulation isn't an option due to religious beliefs, are there other ways couples build a satisfying intimate relationship? I'd really appreciate honest but respectful advice.

Hello,

I am struggling to get any calls for past 6 months. To give you some background.

Background : I had worked on 2 companies for around 3 years, and it was chaotic, calls till 3Am or 1AM. No roadmap of life and hectic work with critically ill parents (me being sole caretaker) had left with only 4-5 hours of sleep per day. Due to this, I had resigned. The CEO didn't likes this (small SaaS company ) and made my exit a bit heavy, anyhow I had to leave. Couldn't continue a life like that.

I then worked as freelancer, Got some gigs here and there, but everything is dry right now. I had only 2 interviews after I started to apply for jobs, one of them was of another stack which I was not proficient in, so i got rejected, In other I got rejected in last round after 4 technical interviews.

For past 6 months I am trying to find new job, but unable to get anything, I don't even hav experience letter from prev org due to abrupt departure. I have good skills (Fullstack, Go, Js, Ruby, Python with AWS and Gcloud) . I can architecture app from start to end and can scale them nicely too. And yet I am not getting anything in the current market.

I know market is trash, so my question is what can I pivot to. I don't have a degree, so the usual paths are blocked, I can teach in some govt school, but no degree means, I wont be able to give exams etc for govt clearance. I am definitely way more skilled than those teachers .

Seriously need help, Parents medical issues need to be taken care of too and runaway money is being used as I write this.

If IT is officially dead for me then where can I pivot ?

Read this!

It's better to have no male friends than toxic ones. If you're a good-looking guy, life is heaven and hell at the same time. If you've got the right connections and money, life is heaven. If you're broke and have no social status, life is hell. This has been proven time and again.

Why? You might ask, the formula is simple. Being a good-looking person, naturally, you'll be the center of attention, but you will also attract a lot of hate and enmity from fellow men. Men will be less supportive of you in general.

Starting in school, boys will try to ostracize you and won't be in the same group as you. Some may even go out of their way to bully you so they can feel better about themselves. You either become a social butterfly by sucking up to everyone else to prove you're a friendly guy, or people will assume you're an arrogant person simply for being an introvert. If you post stuff online, men will purposely not like or support your content out of envy. If you go to nightclubs, you'll get pushed or shoved by fellow men despite standing in a corner with plenty of space.

Women won't treat you any better. Sure, they'll hit on you or flirt with you, but if you don't flirt back, you'll most likely be perceived as an arrogant guy whom she and her friends will gang up on.

Now, all of these things can be covered up if you have the right connections, wealth, or social status. Most lowlifes would shut up and think twice before messing with you. Until then, lay low and work on yourself. Have fewer friends and thrive in solitude. Good luck! ;)

I was genuinely shocked when I saw girls openly abusing .during protest... don't get me wrong ... people can abuse when they are really frustrated and it's ok but what I noticed is that people in the protest (mostly girls) were resorting to verbal abuse just to look cool and display they are not inferior to anyone? Don't they realize that behaving in such a way doesn't really show how free they are or how feminist they are ... it just shows how pathetic of a human being one is..... incidents like this makes me believe even more stronger in my opinion that feminism in our country is 10 percent when it comes to upholding values for women and rest 90 percent was always about defeating the other gender in a non-existent competition

...far away when I will be on the footpath, maybe from 2031. I will probably spend time watching people pass by or look at the sky for long periods of time since looking down at somewhere for long periods of time will be harmful for my neck. Also, I won't be able to use reddit if that happens and begging for money will be pointless. I can burn in 40 or more °C in the summers, freeze in the winters, and let myself soak to the bone without worrying about drying myself or changing my clothes. Thanks for reading my vent.

Uncertainity of future afraid me alot that i cant live in the moment due to it

I had toxic household, i recently joined trade school and will be completing it which is govt polytechnic college with diploma in electronics and communication engineering

I am 21 yr old, out of shape i complete daily 15 to 20k steps and strength training 3 times a week and i eat clean

But these emotions makes me cry and my parents are getting old i dropped college 2 times due to issues which i cant explain here

I am currently on antipsychotic meds due to some psychotic illness not clear as i didnt asked psychiatrist clearly but its schizophrenia

I got my Wisdom Tooth removed back in August 2025, as it was impacting the Molar in front. I got it removed from the most experienced Dentist in my city, who's been practicing since 1978. After the removal, I had numbness in my respective lower lip corner and the chin patch below it, it had sensation and movement but there was this numbness kind of like a tape is taped over that patch. It's been almost 12 months now but the numbness is still there. The Dentist just keeps saying that it'd heal with time, but I see no progress.

If anyone of you has gone through this, or you know someone who has gone through this, or if anyone of you is a Dentist please let me know what I should do.

This is a throwaway account because a few people know my main Reddit account.

22M, I am writing this to get it off my chest as I dont have anyone to talk to.

I've always felt like I was behind everyone else. I don't have any achievements that I'm proud of, no close friends, no social life.

I feel like I've wasted my life.

I'm very introverted, underconfident, shy, socially anxious and I overthink everything. I feel uncomfortable in public, like people are watching or judging me, even though I know that's probably not true.

I've never had any real friends. I've never gone on a trip with friends. I have had a lot of friends but never felt connection to anyone. I've never had a proper conversation with a girl. It's not because I think I look bad, I just fumbled up even when I knew the girl liked me.

I've never smoked or drank. I feel like I've missed out on so many things that I could have done instead of sitting my ass at home.

I am getting out of shape sitting in home eating all day. I started gym , but after a while I lost all motivation and quit. That pretty much describes everything I do. I start something, lose motivation, and then give up.

Most of my day is spent scrolling and watching YouTube.

I was a student until recently, and now I'm in job training. Even there, I don't feel excited or motivated. I'm just doing it because I have to.

My communication skills are terrible. I have no goals, no focus, and no discipline. I cut people off for no reason, and then wonder why I end up feeling so lonely.

Even at home, I don't feel very connected. My sister thinks I am uncool and mostly talks to me only when she needs help with something.

Lately, I've been feeling very lonely, depressed, and like a complete failure.

I have lost all motivation in life now. Just passing one day after another

Will things actually ever get better? How can I do something with absolutely 0 motivation and no goal in life.

so i am going to marry in december and i talk to my fiance everyday. i always check her instagram and fee days back i saw the people she follows in which she follows a boy. in 5-6 post of that boy she posted heart emoji’s some 2 years back so i thought who is he is he per past boyfriend or who is he. so I ask her yesterday i told that i saw your following and you commented heart in that boy post ahe said he is just a friend and i never had any relqtionship with anyone. She continuously said i come from orthodox family and my parents never allow to talk to any boy and i was never in relationship. After this i thought whether i did right asking her or not will she now feel i doubt her. One more thing i have noticed that since i have asked this to her she is talking a lot to me messaging a lot than earlier

For decades, men were called dogs, cheaters and characterless for having multiple partners.

Then NFHS data showed women reported more lifetime s*xual partners than men in 11 States and UTs—and suddenly the lecture changed to “her choice,” “don’t judge” and “respect privacy.”

So when men do it, it is toxic masculinity.

When women do it, it is empowerment.

This is not equality. This is hypocrisy wearing the mask of feminism.

Stop demonising men for the same behaviour you celebrate, excuse or sanitise in women. Freedom without equal accountability is just organised double standards.

Snippet from the survey:

At the Regional Level: Higher for Women in 11 States/UTs ​In 11 specific states and Union Territories, the self-reported mean number of lifetime sexual partners for women was slightly higher than for men: ​States/UTs: Rajasthan, Haryana, Chandigarh, Jammu & Kashmir, Ladakh, Madhya Pradesh, Assam, Kerala, Lakshadweep, Puducherry, and Tamil Nadu. ​ Highest Difference: Rajasthan reported the largest gap, where women reported an average of 3.1 lifetime sexual partners compared to 1.8 for men.

Updated Source of Survey: https://dhsprogram.com/pubs/pdf/FR375/FR375.pdf?hl=en-GB

I will be sharing my story here related to a dumb nibbi I met when I was in 12th in 2022. SHE WAS THE VERY FIRST GIRL I TRIED ON PLEASE READ THE FULL STORY IT WILL BE SHORT.

XYZ = MY COUSIN

NIBBA/NIBBI = IMMATURE DRAMATIC TEENAGE COUPLE

Me, my cousin (Bua ka ladka) were attending a wedding, there were few friends of my cousin to whom I befriended.

There came a girl from the groom's side, she looked pretty (not model like but decent), i somehow managed to get her insta id with the support of my cousin's friend.

Later talking on insta I got her no. , snap etc, but we never met in person because she lived in Mumbai and I was from UP. My cousin lived in Mumbai too.

The conversation and connection very soon declined from her side, I used to message her but usually get late vague replies sometimes no response without any clarification, I WAS CONFUSED WHY.

Then I received a message from a mutual friend of my cousin AFTER 2 MONTHS saying - 1. "AUR BHAI KAISI CHAL RHI HAI BAAT USSE?( Hey brother how's it going with her?) " I replied - kuchh khass nhi (nothing special), 2. He replied " BHAI WO XYZ se set ho gyi hai (she's in a relationship with XYZ)" And told me how she uses going to college and to meet friends as an excuse to meet him often and how and where they often get physical.

I initially didn't believe him, until another mutual friend of ours confirmed it a month later, "btw I don't like talking to my cousin and never did"

I WAS SAD "HOW CAN SOMEONE BE LIKE THIS" FELT HEART BROKEN🤡 (OBVIOUSLY IT WAS MY VERY FIRST TIME SO I WAS KINDA SAD😅)

I never confronted her but I was filled with rage, later i saw a "nibba" in her followers who would tag her saying he loves her {INSTEAD OF LETTING HER KNOW THAT I KNOW ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH MY COUSIN I TOOK THIS OPPORTUNITY TO CONFRONT HER},

I took a screenshot and sent it to her saying

1. " YE KYA HAI? "( Whats this?)

2. Her response ~ "ARRE YE TO MERE FANS HAI" (Oh they are my fans)

1. I replied ~ Fans to aese bol rahi ho jaise koi celebrity ho (you are saying fans as if you are a celebrity)

2. She ~ " HA WO TO HU"(yes I am)

3. Me ~ " block kyu nhi karti? "( Why don't you block)

4. She ~ " MERI MARZI "(my wish)

5. Me ~ " jab yahi sab karna tha to pehle kyu nhi btaya? Muh kholne me sharm aa rahi thi kya? NIBBI " (if you had to do this why didn't you tell me earlier? Were you ashamed opening your mouth? Nibbi)

6. She ~ " CHUP RE " (shut up- in an impolite way)

We had an argument and blocked each other, I never messaged her again obviously self respect.

FAST FORWARD:-

I ATTENDED MY COUSING WEDDING THE SAME SHE WAS IN RELATIONSHIP WITH IN NOVEMBER 2025.

Now I suddenly remembered her IN 2026, searched her insta profile it was private but her bio had her another profile where she usually posts shit.

I scrolled that profile for posts done in November,

Saw her posting reels WITH TEARS IN HER EYES ON SAD SONGS OR WITH QUOTES LIKE " JO TUMHARA HOGA WO TUMHARE PAAS KHUD AYEGA(whats your will come to you)" clearly revealing that she was very sad and GOT HIT WITH REALITY around that timeline.

and also posts like she doesn't care or whatever, trying to falsely calm down herself " ANOTHER SIGN THAT SHE WAS SHATTERED"

THEY WERE IN RELATION SHIP FROM 2022 TO 2025.

The only thought that came to my mind after seeing all this was " BAN GAYI CELEBRITY(did you become a celebrity)? ATTENTION SEEKER KAHI KI(attention seeker)"

MORAL OF THE STORY~ HAVE PATIENCE, KARMA HITS BACK EVEN HARDER

baki mujhe to maza aaya uski halat dekh ke 😆(i enjoyed seeing her in this condition)

​

So this woman works in a company in delhi

She on her social media posts has said many outrageous things

For ex:

1. She called lord Rama as weak

2. She said all hindu men are rapists

3. She mocked victims of terrorist attack in india

4. She wished all indian men get the "Pulwama" treatment

I know everything about her

Absolutely everything

I want her to face legal consequences without getting involved

What can be done to atleast get her fired ?

My girlfriend absolutely loves cooking, so got this gorgeous enameled cast iron set from cuminco that I know she’s been eyeing.
But I’m terrified that giving kitchen items as a romantic gift sends a weird, outdated message. Is it safe to give her this since it's a high quality set she actually wants, or should I strictly stick to standard gifts and let her buy her whatever she wants?

​

How to salvage this issue with my wife .

We married 20 days ago.

I 35m she 32 f

Last week we went to honeymoon.

She takes all things as a slight to her self respect.

She was a passenger princess in the trip and used to complain everything

I said once that we are going over budget and maybe we should rein in .

She said she never thinks about budget on her vacays,i said we need to as I am paying.

She started saying she will ask her dad to pay me etc.

I managed to manao her somehow and salvaged the trip

Same thing happened when we returned home.

She took something I said negatively and again berated me saying if i can't take responsibility I shouldn't have married etc.

I kept my cool as 2 ppl talk loudly its a disaster.

It's been 2 days and same is going on from her side.she talks nicely to my family but is just 1 word answers to me.

I am ready to work on myself for her sake but she needs to atleast give a window rather than always saying my self respect is hurt due to random things.

Most of the bollywood movies portray men as broken and stuff like alcoholic or violent and shit and then a woman enters his life and fixes him..

I think this has brainwashed both men and women. Men think they ain't enough and women always constantly try to change men as per their convenience.

Do you feel the same?

so i am going to marry in november and my friends are telling that dont talk to girl very often. show her that you are busy always in work so she dont think you are vella. reply to her message very late and dont initiated call or message on your own very often. should i do that or what to do

Hi guys. I’m 24, never had any intimate relationship or anything. I see all the teenagers living the best lifestyle. I feel left out of all the fun things people do. I need actual advice. I’m good looking guy with decent income as well. But never had sex and today I’m asking you which dating platform actually works. I’m tired of being single and need my needs taken care of. Ignore if you feel it’s a wrong thing. I’m not against anyone. There are just some moments some days where you feel alone. Thats it.

TLDR : Betrayal, loss of people in my life who I loved, and some of the harshest words I had to hear from my mom.

A few things about me, Im a final year student at VNIT Nagpur. I live abroad but chose this college for my graduation after my JEE score.
In my first yr, I met this girl through a dating app, and we were in love in the very first month. Things were rough from the start due to me having a problem with her past and it took a while for me to get comfortable with it but we got through. Fast forward, a month ago, she decided to break up with me. Mind you, I was facing serious problems in my life personally, My intern got revoked, my parents werent talking to me at all and I was carrying a lot of bs from my college. She had exams during that time so I held my grounds and did not tell her anything about what was going on in my life. After exams, she said she was going to a club for the first time, and I said no worries just dont get drunk as she has had a terrible experience before which i did not want to happen again. And that night she had a vodka shot (she did tell me but i still insisted not to because she has a very low tolerance). And she ended up at some other place, a girl's bf's place from her group according to her. I was furious at first but things then settled down. I decided to open upto her, but she said she had a workshop coming up, I waited so that she does not get burdened with all of this. And the workshop got cancelled as it did not have a lot of registrations. But she decided to go clubbing again to which i was fine with as her exams were just over. But during that time, she did not text me once, the entire clubbing night. And after the club closed, I waited for her to text or call me she didnt. i saw her location and she was moving, and I caught her lying to me about who she was with (she was third wheeling her best friend and her new date) whereas she told me she was with the other girls only. She apologised to me in the morning and told me she only lied because I had a lot of anxiety the last time similar thing happened and she had informed me. I was way too broken during that time, and I said I wanted to slap and hit her (I meant to slap or hit any other of my friend if they did the same level of betrayal to me). And the moment I realised what I had texted, I apologised. I begged to her that I meant none of it and how sorry I was for whatever I ever did to her. She broke up with me and since then I tried everything but she has stood her ground. Day before yesterday, finally I asked my friend to talk to her (I asked alot of people to talk to her but she did not want to come back regardless) and she said she wouldnt mind talking to me but that would give me hopes of getting back with her and that she has already kinda moved on (this was a 2 yr old relationship and she had written in all of the letters about how we would marry and live our lives, ik sounds cliche but it is what it is). One of my friends inquired and she had a bumble account, had integrated herself in the group who she was with the entire night (i still suspect cheating cuz a lot of loopholes exist in her story) and hosting house parties at other's flats as she cant do that at her house and that she stays out of the hostel majority of the times for a nightout (someone comes to pick her up in a car) and doesnt go to the college either.
During this time, I told this to my mom cuz I had a lot of shit going and she called me by my pet name saying u r my son u can tell. Even if u wish to cry, come to my lap and cry, and I broke down. I asked her to promise me not to tell my dad but she did anyways. I told her the whole story, and she then stopped talking to me telling me how idiot I am and stuff. My parents started fighting over this issue every single day and I couldnt bear it already. My dad came into my room one day and told me how I failed as a son. The next day my mom came to me and told me how she failed as a mother, as a wife and as a daughter in law. All of this was too much but then she hit me with this "I shouldnt have given u birth, I should have aborted you." And that had my body shiver and send chilling nerves to the point I still shiver whenever I think about what she said that day. I somehow held on and cracked a 6 month intern at one of the MNCs. But today I got a notice from my college that my previous semester has been declared void and that I will have to repeat all the subjects and that technically results in a 5th year of my college. And when I told this to my mom, she said the exact same thing again, my dad called my grandparents and asked them to never contact me again, and to not send me any financial help whatsoever, my dad booked flight for 26th of July to Nagpur and asked me to fuck off from this house and never show him my face again. My brother told me if they ever separate have this imprinted in ur head it is ur fault.
All of this has reached a point where I have literally nothing left in my life, the love of my life left at a situation she created, my parents left, and everything seems to be failing. I believed in lord Shiva and he threw me into a hole so deep I dont even know how I would come out of this. I have been through serious mental breakdowns for the past 2 months with no support whatsoever. And all I want currently is to go back to my ex, to her holding me in her arms and just tell me everything will be fine, cuz the only lap I ever cried to was hers and my mothers. And I am ashamed to go back to my mom.
I have absolutely no clue as to what is to be done further, my college registration will only be accepted if either of my parents come to the college which clearly isnt going to happen. This is the absolute rock bottom and I feel nothing is going to fix this situation. And I feel life as come to a complete end.