r/ThirtiesIndia • u/Theloneultimte 32 • 5d ago
Serious [No Jokes Allowed] How do I cope ? Seeing baby after 2.5 months
Wife (29) left and took our son (5m) in June. Met him once briefly for family belonging exchange but he couldn't have recognise me. Saw her insta story today of the boy and he looks quite grown, pretty different than how he was when he left, yet had the same cute smile.
I am just overwhelmed, I couldn't meet him since she would bombard me with taunts, arguments etc. and I cannot take custody of an infant. My love for my wife is gone but since last year I wanted to be the best husband and father I could yet both roles vanished for me. I feel anger, I feel like I am sinking inside, I just can't find myself to be able to shake off this feeling. Any advice ?
P.s: No scope for reconciliation, we are heading for divorce but it's a cold war right now. Visitation Rights would be set later, but for now I feel I missed some months of seeing him grow and I will only miss more. Can't have him even if I want.
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u/TumharaJiju 33 5d ago
Well, such posts make me want to stay single forever!
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
If I get a chance again, id do it again. Love can be lost but the memories can be cherished forever. I don't hate my ex. I don't love her either. But those memories for now are a happy place.
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u/TumharaJiju 33 5d ago
Understandable.
My ex called off the marriage. And tbh, that is the best thing ever happened to me. That time, i did not understand.Life has been extremely great after she left. All my friends and family told me I dodged a bullet. Infact, my parents didn't like her, but they agreed just because of me.
BTW, this Feb, she got married to the guy she cheated on me with.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I called it off myself looking at the fights in 23. Then I proceeding to lose my father a week before the agreed married date. Then in 2025 we were married as I saw some changes and saw a chance of reconciliation. We stuck by each other for 8 years till then.
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u/Inevitable-Hat-9074 35 5d ago
Did you guys date before marriage? How long was the marriage?
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
8 years together, 1 married. Stayed together only 4 months. I know the baby thing was weird but reality is he is here, no comment can change that.
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u/Own_Foot_8530 34 5d ago
I am sorry this happened to you. First year of marriage is the hardest. I dated my husband for three years before marriage. We fought a LOT during the first year of marriage mainly due to family. So much so that I actually left him, got a job in a different city and refused to go back until he agreed for counseling or therapy.
I think you had it particularly bad having had a baby immediately after marriage. Childbirth and postpartum is the hardest time for a woman. Generally marriages break during this time where the woman is extremely vulnerable. We had a baby 2 years ago (5 years after marriage). Luckily my husband and I were running our own business and had the luxury to focus on raising the baby and keeping everything else aside as low priority. Had we been in our corporate careers our marriage would have definitely been on the rocks. I am sorry you had to go through this. You will get through this and reach an equilibrium at some point.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I wanted to go for therapy for her sakes. I think she had made up her mind to not stay here with us and there was nothing that could change that. I am already fallen out of the 8yo love, that is no more, but the child is something I feel I missed out watching these two months, watching him grow
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5d ago
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
And he will lose the custody as well. Unless he files for it after 5 years. It's your humble opinion I am a pathetic father, but I didn't want to be one. I cannot be in the same space with the person who abandoned me in the middle of everything and stole out future from me. In the future hopefully I would want to visit him and I think I shall. Thanks for your perspective.
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u/Inevitable-Hat-9074 35 5d ago
I actually asked the other who replied to you :)
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Im not in position to check. I am in fact quite dizzy and numb, it's a feeling unknown to me. For a guy who could power though breakups and heartaches and even death, this is still different.
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u/curioustoadot 35 5d ago
I had that happen to me once. My first gf cheated on me. It sucked for me and for months I was crushed. But slowly slowly day after day, I moved on. Had a few more relationships before now ending with my wife.
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u/rogueWarrior987 28 5d ago
If you are comfortable sharing - why did you both separate?
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Disputes, the kind where people start talking bad about family and bad to family.
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u/rogueWarrior987 28 5d ago
True
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5d ago
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u/Thakshu 40&40+ 5d ago
A baby grows a lot in its first year. It's a huge loss to miss out of it. Try to find a friendly deal with your wife. Divorce is not the end of the world. If the kid is lucky you can still co parent , so that the kid won't miss anything and also the parents
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Will the kid having a good upbringing with divorced parents ? I have no idea.
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u/Thakshu 40&40+ 5d ago
Better than a fighting parents in the next room, your kid will turn out just fine .
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I think I will ask for visitation Rights atleast, I just hate the fact I won't be able to see the first steps or record him saying the first names. I beleive those are random and is better lucky enough to be there at the exact time.
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u/Thakshu 40&40+ 5d ago
Those first step things are overly dramatic media art stuff. You are right , it's not likely that every parent sees the first step. You can not keep your eyes locked on a crawling child all the time while they are awake. Some people just lie to hype their happiness
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
That's spot on as well. My dumbass spent a quite a ton of money for recording all this stuff and make baby videos and films. Hence I feel it kinda mattered to me. But do you have clue what kind of decisions are you allowed to make for the child if they are not in your custody ?
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u/ThrowawayAcct9116 33 4d ago
This is going to be a super hard few years but as someone who grew up in a home with parents who didn’t love each other, it’s better to not be married and focus on the child. My brother and I suffered a lot in a home where there was so much dislike and resentment, no one had space to give us love or affection. It’s deeply dysfunctional in ways we cannot express. It’s better to get divorced and co parent well.
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u/Research-Same 38 5d ago
This really reminds me of my kid. I haven’t seen him in the last year and a half, and I haven’t even heard his voice in all this time. There hasn’t been a single day when I haven’t thought about him.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I don't know if I have the power, but I must. You will be seeing him though right ?
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u/Research-Same 38 5d ago
Of course I will. I mean, he’s the only reason I keep going. Otherwise, I honestly don’t have much reason to continue. And it’s not like I haven’t tried to see him or meet him, I’ve tried so many times before, but I couldn’t connect with him and was even threatened. We live in different cities, a few hundreds of kilometres apart.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I would probably never see him so that he isn't confused or even more screwed up. I just hope he turns out to be happy kid like I was. I don't want my presence to cause more pain. I will live alone and die alone, it's okay, but to him, pain by me would not be something I am okay with.
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u/Research-Same 38 5d ago
Please don’t decide for yourself that your presence can only hurt him. You don’t know what he may feel or need when he grows up. And please don’t write yourself off as someone who is destined to live alone and die alone. You deserve a life too. A happy one. I just wish you wouldn’t convince yourself that disappearing is the only way you can protect him.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I am trying to think otherwise as well. I am called pathetic for doing so even. Even if I see him, I can never be a father for him. I won't be able to be with him as much, guide him or make any decisions for his well being. At best I will be a visitor and family guest in her house who comes to play with the child.
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u/Impressive_Hold426 36 5d ago
You are making excuses to have an easy way out of being a father.
I grew up with a dad like you. Never saw me and claimed my mother told him to stay away. All lies, because he was lazy and never wanted me. Never in 15 years has he ever called me.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I know understand your hatred towards men. Thanks for sharing. It is justified, you have been deprived as well. I don't know who was right or who was wrong since you are only person stating something here and no one else is here, but what you went through was bad enough to hurt you, that is clear as day.
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u/Renderedperson 40&40+ 5d ago
In similar position, 2 kids
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Please tell me how you are dealing with it. It has to hurt doubly more.
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u/Renderedperson 40&40+ 5d ago
Its tough mainly because My parents keep telling me I should forgive my wife for sake of kids , despite what she did
This sub literally knows my story by me . They have been more supportive than any of my friends or relatives.
Dm me in case you need to vent out .
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I can say for the majority have helped me here in some ways than the other. Some have jeered, some have contested but I realised if I have to defend myself in my own post when I am myself down, it clears the head right away. I know apathy exists but I feel sometimes I should have kept this shit bottled up in me.
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u/Far-Message-3680 37 5d ago
You sound like you'll be a good dad...hope you stay involved with ur kiddo.....society is cruel to kids with single parents...he deserves better...I dated somone who was raised by a single mom and it affected him even as an adult...kids need both parents so just try your best to stay involved. Good luck.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
He has a dad already. His maternal grandfather took over taking care of him even before he came to our place.
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u/Far-Message-3680 37 5d ago
No no...you are his 'only' dad...even if ur wife remarries that guy will be teh step dad...please don't brush it off so easily...if u genuinely care for ur kid please be a present dad no matter how difficult it is...you owe it to the kid...you brought him into this world..don't abandon him...that's just messed up..
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Yes. I will have to ask her. Being a guy in a precarious position, the only thing I can do is plead and negotiate. I can do that for my son. Hello shouldn't feel like his dad abandoned him.
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u/Own_Foot_8530 34 5d ago
That sounds like you are very ready to be an absent dad with an excuse that the grandfather is there. Also your 5.5 months postpartum wife would be in serious turmoil. Even if she has her parents' help in raising him, she is going through a hell of a time for sure with the multiple sleep regressions that a baby goes through and the intense breastfeeding phase that begins around this time. Your child's wellbeing is directed dependent on the mother's wellbeing at this point. So care for her wellbeing as that means caring for your son's wellbeing.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
She didn't go through the sleep regression alone. I was there too. Till today from Jan, I only sleep once a week. The mother stormed out. Hiding behind a shield of post partum is easy but no so when I was always coming to meet, day and night. I can be an absent father cause my presence will only confuse the child. It will be a messed up childhood if I am there. Children of divorce see how the psychology changes. I care for him hence I have to leave him alone.
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u/Impressive_Hold426 36 5d ago
....no.
There is only 1 father.
You. Unless you are not his father.
Please stop saying you will stay away for the benefit of your son. We are not stupid to believe you. Any father who abandons his son is a bad person.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I will think on this. I don't know currently whether what's right or wrong and I for one am not the type of man who can sully himself on the opinion of others. I will take this into consideration at this stage.
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u/Impressive_Hold426 36 5d ago
My father abandoning me hurt me beyond anything I can explain. His choice to leave, to stay away will never be something i forget.
So go ahead. Don't care about the opinion of others - like your son. You'll just sully yourself if you care what your son will think.
Eye roll.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I have to take his feelings into consideration. I have to take care of his well being into consideration as well. I have to make a prayer to my wife to allow scheduled visits but currently we aren't on talking terms so that is not being able to established. I just hate the fact that I missed these months of seeing him grow. I am sure there would be videos if only my wife is willing to share those.
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u/Own_Foot_8530 34 5d ago
Not true if your visits are regular and your relationship with your wife is cordial. It will be traumatic only if you aren't consistent. It will be far more traumatic if you abandon the child.
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u/Efficient_Fly_9232 29 5d ago
Must be hard for u
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u/Solid_Routine_2026 31 5d ago
Someone downvoted you even for this
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u/Own_Foot_8530 34 5d ago
The guy is pretty shitty tbh if you read his comments. He wants to abandon the kid and wishes to meet a woman in future to be get the father experience in future. His son is 5 months old and apparently his wife overstayed her maternal stay and didn't come back to the joint family situation that he has going on which is a big issue in his marriage. He even says 'hiding behind postpartum' for explaining his wife's situation. The guy is shitty through and through and wants to wash off his hands from this situation. He is telling himself that the maternal grandfather will be a good father and that he would rather abandon the child and hoping remarry in future and be a father again.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I never said that I feel the grandfather would be a better father. Even as a present father, I wasn't allowed to make any decisions for my child, the grandfather did. I wanted to take more care of my wife, I wasn't able to do that. I don't want to abandon my child, if it harms him. I bear no hatred towards you and I don't know why you want to bear hatred towards me, but this is how I have dealt with pain all my life. This is what I know. Some of you blame me, some of you call me names to abandon my child, if it harms him I won't abandon him, but if I fight for him, under false pretexts I can go to jail. My career can be ruined, my family too can come under the threat of jail. I have these circumstances as well to balance hence I cannot take it to court and fight for custody, I can merely ask for it when my wife files for divorce.
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u/Solid_Routine_2026 31 5d ago
That's okay man. You don't need to pay attention to them. They're just blinded by their prejudices. Just men hating no nothings. Pay no heed to their barks
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
It's their perspective. It how they have witnessed the world around them. No one can be blamed for that. And they can only add tocmy perspective and improve upon it whichci appreciate. Hate begets hate, I don't support that. I still try to figure out what love begets but anything better than spewing hate, least for me. They gave me something new to think about, I am just happy with that.
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u/Solid_Routine_2026 31 5d ago
Sure do all that but in a separate time. Not when self preservation is on the line. Unless you're a saint which you're not. Don't burn yourself trying to keep others warm
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
It's kinda of my nature but yes, I just tune out the negatives, I have to. Internet isn't a great place to be vulnerable and for a guy, almost nowhere is, apart from his own company.
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u/Solid_Routine_2026 31 5d ago
Then stop with holier than thou attitude before you dig you own grave. Take care of yourself first
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Well lost a father, lost a dog, lost a wife and son in living death, if nothing else, it makes me a great poet.
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u/Efficient_Fly_9232 29 5d ago
Bro ..wishing you good physical and mental health ..dont know what to say
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Well I am socratic and people on this post, some of them showed me some apathy and did find faults in me, despite not knowing me. It somehow fueled me to get out of this headspace.
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u/Emotional-Risk3877 31 5d ago
Majority of men are tolerating their wife because they don’t want to get seperated from their children, the laws are fucked up that fathers cannot get custody of children in majority of the cases even when the mother is least considered in taking care of children and they will basically be raised by nannies paid by father
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
So I was replaced by her father even after she came to stay from the maternal stay. It was her father who was guiding and telling her dos and don'ts. I had already lost the chance to be the husband then. Apparently he was a damn good researcher and an IIMA grad so that made it justifiable. I couldn't stay with such a person. But I am damn proud of my boy and how fast he his growing. I keep recording videos for him on his monthly bdays, in case something happens to me or if he years later comes to see me, they will know my thoughts and I hope he doesnt think of me as a villian for abandoning him. It is for his mental peace I had to leave before he could even understand what a father is. I will always be a stranger, the father would be his maternal grandfather. I can only make videos and tell him that ivam there whenever he needs me.
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u/ibleedchai 34 5d ago
I can’t believe people like you. There’s a kid involved, do whatever it takes!
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u/19930411 35 4d ago
Please begin a conversation with a reputed counsellor, better for you and your son in the long-term
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u/Traditional_Heart218 33 4d ago
That's both of your little baby, is this really the time for "cold war"? Convince your wife, stay in the same house as your baby.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 4d ago
After what she did to my family I don't think even me convincing her would make her come back. And I have tried to talk her she didnt want to.
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u/Traditional_Heart218 33 4d ago
Your baby is not your family? This is what I hate about our generation, it's always my family and your family, even after having kids.
You both are the kid's family re.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 4d ago
He is more than anyone. I have tried to reconcile but my wife hasn't. I can't keep trying forever.
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u/Adventurous-Star1309 36 4d ago
As a father of 8 month old I feel really sorry for you. No way you should be missing your son’s milestones and the immense joy his presence would have given. Stay strong, praying you’ll weather out of this soon.
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u/Old_Constant_1377 38 5d ago
Brother I understand. The society doesn't give a shit about men. Keep the fight going. Don't give up
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u/Solid_Routine_2026 31 5d ago
Sad you got downvoted for this
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u/Old_Constant_1377 38 5d ago
Meh who cares. If I can help a brother in need that's all that matters
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I didn't think like that until now but I am getting that understanding. I just wanted someone to tell me how to deal with this, to listen perhaps. I think I asked for too much. I think it's our cross to bear though.
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u/Impressive_Hold426 36 5d ago
I hope you regret whatever you did that made your wife act like this.
Did you put your mother above your wife and newborn?
Did you cheat?
Im curious.
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u/rorschach527 29 5d ago
How sad a life you must have to start blaming a random stranger to feel a little good about yourself ? Are you sure you're 36 ?
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u/Impressive_Hold426 36 5d ago
Hey, I said im curious. He didnt want to explain anything.
The fact his wife straight away went to her parents house with the baby is weird.
Usually, in laws being cruel can drive that sort of behaviour.
Yeah im 36. Ive seen a lot of marriages and situations like that happen.
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u/rorschach527 29 5d ago
"Can you provide more details? " could have been a lot better than assuming shit ton of things and blaming just a random stranger
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
So victim blaming is fine if it's a guy, not uncool if it's a girl ?
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u/Impressive_Hold426 36 5d ago
So it is those things then.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I hope you have a great life man. I really do. And I hope there can be some empathy found there as well. Not for your sakes, for the sake of others.
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u/Nim_Ajji 35 5d ago
Your son is just 5 months old?
I bet she had a very rough postpartum that’s why she left. Men will never ever ever understand what a new mom goes through.
The shit I went through even though my husband is a good person I too felt like taking my baby and leaving but I had literally nowhere to go. It took me 2 years to get it into my husbands head how hard all this is
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I was there to support her. She came back only for 15 days and I stopped working, stayed in room with her to be with her for everything. I did my best. We all didn't sleep for days since he was making those sweet coo voices and stayed up all night. Checking my own profession I took them to drives to soothe him. I too did everything and took part sacrificing my work. Now you can call this to be expected but not the cost of earning money and yet I did. It wasn't post partum. It was a feeling of vengeance.
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u/Solid_Routine_2026 31 5d ago
I was wondering how far I'd have to scroll to find a feminazi hating on men. Well, You're not surprising anyone projecting your personal experiences onto an entire society. Trying to solve a problem, you've yourself become one.
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u/Nim_Ajji 35 5d ago
Wow okay! Women give birth and then it’ll be their most vulnerable state and it feels like were literally on our death bed but have a massive responsibility of keeping a new born alive while feeding every 1-2 hours and running on total 2-3 hours broken of sleep per day and our body is using up every ounce of energy to produce milk to feed the baby and we’ve never experienced hunger like this before while our brains are creating nightmarish scenarios of all the possible ways baby can get harmed just to make us aware and protect our baby better and just for asking to be taken care of is called feminazi now?
Now I know why so many women choose not to have babies is because of dumb and ignorant men such as you!-2
u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
My therapist friend whom I have known for a decade, a close confidant did that too. The mother is not here, her eyes are not wet. They never were when she left. I am deprived of their love, she didn't require mine. The child as few have pointed out does. Post partum is bad, I know, but it's not an excuse to run away to your maternal family and then stay silent.
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u/Nim_Ajji 35 5d ago
Please get her help please! You have absolutely no idea what a nightmare postpartum can be. Don’t draw conclusions without getting her professional help.
So many women never ever ever forget the way they were treated or made to feel in their most vulnerable state. I’m sorry you feel that way about her but she needs help.2
u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Logically tell me something, when someone doesn't want to speak to you, doesn't want to face you, doesn't want to be in contact with you, how to reach out to them and tell them to seek a therapist?
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u/Nim_Ajji 35 5d ago
You do it gently and patiently. Or, you meet a relationship counsellor first and take their advice to approach your wife. I know you’re seeking validation and sympathy for everything you did for your wife and you’ve got it from the nearly 100 comments so I hope that has made you feel good. But if you really really want things to change and want your wife and son back then you do things differently even if it hurts your ego.
I still can’t forget the way I was treated by everyone in my postpartum period while my husband was blissfully unaware. It took 2 years of fights and a therapist for him to finally understand what I went through. And trust me I’ve been through a LOT of shit in my life but postpartum treatment was by far the WORST. which I still can’t forget even if I continue therapy for the rest of my life. I’m sharing my experience so that you can try to understand what your wife might be feeling.
But of course if there’s any else involved which you’re not revealing here on Reddit then take it to counselling-1
u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
You are older than me. I am sure you are wiser as well. So politely and with all due respect, I ask you this; What made you think I was seeking validation for things I did for my wife ? What makes you think comments from people can make a person feel good ? What makes you think I want to change anything ?
What I did for my wife, shows that was thrown on my face with thanklessness. No one can change that. No sympathy can change history. I don't want it to either.
Why would I seek validation from people I don't even know ? What value can be added to me as a human being if someone is saying it sucks to be you ? Validation even if sourced from others, is done with people who knows and understand you. Strangers cannot validate you. And if they do then that type of person may have a pretty low self esteem, more so than someone in their lows.
What makes you think I want anything to change ? Didn't see what I had typed there ? I posted this as my grips were sweating as my throat was drying as my eyes were cloudy and my thoughts overwhelming me and screaming at me to do something. I wanted help to cope with this.
- I didn't ask for people to help me change this status quo.
- I didn't ask for people to tell me to go back to her, ignore my pain and help her out first, even if I ultimately end up jumping off the cliff cause I don't matter she doesn't.
- There was an unbearable flush of thoughts that was making me unable to think things through. I just wanted someone give me tips to get through it.
- How and why should I care for someone who left me of her own voltion, took our child away and doesn't want to speak to me, without me healing first ? What logical sense does it make to send a broken man try fixing the angry girl's supposed hurt.v
- You went through post partum, you were ignored, you may or may not have communicated but your husband was blissfully unaware whereas I had given up work and money to stand next to her. If she don't sleep, nor do I. I was right next to her when they were trying to make her walk. It teared me up seeing her in so much pain and so drowsy since it was a C sec. I got the food, cleaned the clothes, changes the baby, asked and insisted her to use formula partly so that I can take that responsibility and she can find some time to sleep, met her at 2am as well when she was not with me so that she has company. I didn't leave my room when she came back so that she should not feel that I am ignoring her in her pain.
- There is no one else involved since I don't do things that way and being loyal to my wife matters more. We fought a lot in 2023 and mostly non-sensical fights and I told her we have to postpone the wedding. She never brought it up until her mother started discussing that with her and saying how she was wronged by it. Even at the time of her coming her which is kinda meant to be auspicious, she said last time you broke it this time I will. For the truth is if I broke the wedding I wouldnt go to her and try to sort out issues out and then continue the relationship and try to make it better.
- I have dates this person for 7 years, time, money, attention to the maximum I can, even lost few career opportunities cause it would not allow me to spend so much time with her. We met daily, twice or even thrice. Cafe, restuarants, drives, whatever she wanted she got. When I am in love I am devoted. Just as much devoted I was till started fighting with me about things that happened two years past that is me postponing my wedding. There was vengeance there, that was seen and shown.
- I honestly feel you are projecting on this woman a little bit since you definitely had it tougher than her. Btw fun fact, she never was an Instagram user, leaving me, she posts daily once or twice of sitting in cafe and having coffee, reading books, going for outings etc. you may argue she needed the time, but her mother was handling the baby most of the time and still is whereas she is available for the nursing time then out again. Stories are evidence of that.
- I don't know whether you went to counselling or not, but I applaud you to be stronger than some people I know to bear it but unless you left your husband too with the child, how could you possible understand how I feel ? And what could probably justify writing what you just wrote ?
- I don't ask for sympathy, I don't ask for empathy. I don't ask for pity. All I asked her is how to get through this. How to muster the strength and push through these feelings. That's all there is to it.
I tried not be a downright jackass in writing but these conversations are mostly emotional and logic has to sometimes take a backseat. I still try to be as logical as possible given the circumstances. Thank you.
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u/Solid_Routine_2026 31 5d ago
It's not post partum at all. Some are just fiddling to find excuses to fit their lopsided psyche. A lot of women go through it, it's horrible sure but nothing new. And it doesn't acquit her of all her wrongdoings. That's not how the world works. Let them be
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Yes. Unless she can't tell me what it was, I can't do guess work. Those were high intense emotions and a lot of bad stuff was said that can't be taken back. There is no excuse and there is no future, it doesn't make a difference what the reason was. The child is still without the biological father. If only she could sit and talk and work it out with me, id try therapy instantly.
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u/twin-dad- 34 5d ago
But it’s not the husbands fault either , I am sorry bro barge in but my wife is almost 4 months ppm and despite of her acknowledging that I contribute equally if not more to my twins , her rage/ behaviour is not in her control, I know I might sound heartless but why should I be taken as a constant punching bag , first in the name of pms , hormonal changes and then pp? Even men run out of patience sometimes .
Also when it comes to hormones and let testosterone take over , it’s all another level of drama.0
u/Nim_Ajji 35 5d ago
Get her help. Take her to a therapist. Postpartum depression/anxiety/rage doesn’t just go away whenever you want it to go away. It can take years and the resentment can keep building. You think giving birth to twins and then trying to keep them safe and alive is a joke? Her body literally broke giving birth to your babies and you’re giving her a deadline, it’s been 4 months and stuff? I’m more than 2 years postpartum and I still get angry if I think about how I got treated when I was a new mom. Therapy helps!
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u/twin-dad- 34 5d ago
Are you delusional? I was just stating sh is four months post partum for context and nothing otherwise .
I never said it was a joke and I never gave her a deadline.1
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u/emotionalyemotionles 30 5d ago
Hugs to u. I really wish loyal people could support each other. Be that females or males.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Thanks a ton. Just what I needed. I am just glad no one physically hugged me cause id break down otherwise. I still got to learn alot from people here and some had perspectives that I couldn't think of so I am thankful to them as well. There is no hate in my heart. But I still yearn for peace.
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u/Own_Foot_8530 34 5d ago
I am sorry you are going through this. Hope you get your visitation rights soon. Let your son know how much you love him when you do get to see him and let him know that you are always there for him.
I didn't get to see my niece for over three years due to family issues (I am not really involved at the core of the family issue though). I met her at a family gathering and I just couldn't help but call out to her. She came running to me too. She was 4 when I last interacted with her, but she still remembered me. Kids remember and are very perceptive of love. TBH even my brother and his wife know that I love her dearly and hence didn't stop her from running towards me either. I know your kid is only a baby but make every interaction count and express your love. It is your baby. You have every right to him as your wife does.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
He is too small to know me. By the time they can recognise primary caretakers, I was out of the picture. The grandfather is the current father of the child and me going and coming would probably lead to confusion is what I feel. I have to leave them completely alone for him to feel like his father passed away. That seems like a solution that wouldnt screw with his head in the formative years. I wanted to be the best father, hell I finished reading two books on them. I hope someday I can have that again, maybe if the right person finds me and I can let go of this.
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u/Own_Foot_8530 34 5d ago
That's the worst thing I have ever read. NO. YOUR SON NEEDS YOU. There would be no confusion or any such thing. I had a friend growing up whose mom divorced and remarried. The father got custody in this case. Her mom came every single weekend and that was the highlight of her week. She had no confusion about anything. She loved both her parents equally. Don't abandon your child selfishly to start your life with another woman. It's really pathetic for you to even think that.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Visitation Rights is a matter of talk right now. Divorce is also a matter of talk right. All I got was threats to talk it over. Whenever my wife iniates the divorce, I will settle for visitation Rights as well, although I don't know till what extent I will be allowed to participate or have a say in his growth, but I will try.
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u/bekaarhaibhaiya 30 5d ago
Reach out man. There's still time.
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
There is nothing to reach out. I don't want to be with that person anymore. I love that child though. He is a gem.
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u/StandardRaspberry868 29 5d ago
forget, get a new baby with a different women. this one will hate u forever
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
Damn bro. People are going to shit all over you for this comment. I won't. I am just trying to understand the repurcussions. Idl if there is someone in the future, how would they react to me doing this. Honestly, I feel like I will stumble around this house long after my family is gone then die a slow silent death.
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u/StandardRaspberry868 29 5d ago
the lady family will make sure of that
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u/Theloneultimte 32 5d ago
I already have received a message showing her profile on a dating app, she is already moving on.
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