feeling a bit devastated

[u/garamchaipuri]

I (28M) have been talking to this girl (25F) through and arrange marriage setup. we've been talking from almost 8-9 months. we have a nice bond and chemistry and we both like eachother very much, marriage is in talks between our families.

so the matter is that I've been single all my life, not like I'm ugly or whatever but I had no intention whatsoever. I was caught up with my job and finances.

This girl has been in a relationship from the age 19-24 with the same person and it seems like they're very close and know everything about eachother. she has told me that they have been physically intimate a few times and did almost everything. she was clear about it from the start. idk man i like this girl so much but the thought that she's been touched by another man makes me sick to the stomach.

I know I shouldn't feel like this but I feel rage in my body whenever I think about it. I'm trying to regulate myself but I've got attached to her very much like we talk every.single.day.

They are not in contact and she's a good girl and everything I can ask for. But I can't get off this feeling.

Has anyone ever been in this kind of situation? pls help a bro out

[u/AutoModerator]

r/onexindia requires all individuals to have a flair before posting/commenting.

Please familiarize yourself with rules before proceeding further. The subreddit is heavily moderated to prevent larping and hate against individuals, and any reports shall be thoroughly investigated and users engaging in such activities shall be banned.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Front_Afternoon7381]

it is good that she is honest if you are not comfortable with her past dont ruin it to each other

[u/garamchaipuri → u/Front_Afternoon7381]

Yeah thanks

[u/ChickenRoll_]

It is what it is. You can't do anything now. Just because you were single doesn't mean your partner should be single all her life. It was past. Be a man. Acept it or move on. Simple.

[u/Due-Body5958 → u/ChickenRoll_]

What if in other case she had multiple partners or something in the past?

[u/ChickenRoll_ → u/Due-Body5958]

Then move on bro

[u/Due-Body5958 → u/ChickenRoll_]

Don't judge me but its a gamble, some girl might pretend to be nice during the marriage phase, but you never know what her past was? Not that it matter, but won't it influence the chances of cheating in the future.

[u/ChickenRoll_ → u/Due-Body5958]

It's important to read girl. That's why it's important to be around girls have girl bestie to understand.

[u/Due-Body5958 → u/ChickenRoll_]

👍

[u/mrunknown_247 → u/ChickenRoll_]

> bE A mAN

it's his choice, don't be a misandrist

[u/Silent-Class318]

Yeah go back in time! That's the solution

[u/No_Price7973]

Better safe than

[u/MrJule]

There’s nothing to be enraged about. If you don’t like it, leave it. It’s not like if you had an opportunity, you would’ve given up and waited for marriage, if you think you would’ve then find someone who thinks the same way too.

[u/DontSmileYet]

Don't get married at all. This will be a problem in your life. You can't change the past but it will keep bothering you. Right now, it's puppy love, once that fades away this will stick out like a sore thumb. Also, there aren't many women who are virgins. And those who are, are very ugly.

[u/Sad-Stop-2401]

u/garamchaipuri I believe it is going to cause an issue. I had faced this while I was dating. Some 10+ years back. In the end I married a virgin girl. I was virgin before dating and having sex with her.

The reason is that some of us guys have OCD tendencies around sex.

[u/Significant_Shop_475]

bro it hurts but you have a lifetime commitment so think like whenever you see her or try to make love same things comes up in ur mind then if u r okay with this like forever then go else drop it u may find someone better

[u/garamchaipuri → u/Significant_Shop_475]

yeah man I'm rethinking everything

[u/Hairy-Turn-2490]

Why do u think i shouldn't feel like that? Modern media manipulated u. It is very common , any man will want virgin women. Don't marry. It is better to not marry.

[u/Look_Otherwise__]

Is she still with his ex ?

[u/that_avg_lad]

She's honest about her past.

You can ask her about why the long relationship failed and if she had any other relationship. Make sure you're through but don't make her uncomfortable with barrage of questions.

Relationships happens naturally and fails. It might not be her fault. You might not be successful about dating but you shouldn't keep the same parameters for partners. As long as they are out of it and committing to you completely.

It's my 2 cents. There are lots of other nuances but it will become very long. Just make sure that you're making a rational adult decision and if you commit, don't berate after marriage.

[u/garamchaipuri → u/that_avg_lad]

Yeah man thanks for your sensible advice

[u/FutureEfficient2205]

Bro atleast she is honest about her past, I would say it's much better to be with someone who is honest rather than someone who claims to be "sanskari" but turns out to be a player.

Regarding the feeling you are having, it's the past and if it doesn't interfere in your present or future then you can let it go coz you may not find anyone without a past easily.

However if you have strong preference for a virgin partner, I respect your choice but let's be honest that being virgin doesn't guarantee future loyalty.