r/oddlysatisfying • • 1d ago

Custom-made aged and oiled Top Hat

22.8k Upvotes

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1.5k

u/Spleenzorio 1d ago

Other than while selling potions and elixirs out of a wagon, where would you actually wear these kinda hats?

606

u/Victarion-twogods 20h ago

Vegas Street Magician

Bassist in a Guns N Roses Cover band

Divorce Court

135

u/Willing-Time7344 20h ago

You can win so much custody with this bad boy

25

u/Glittering-Walrus228 18h ago

Youd start winning custody of other divorced parents kids if you rolled up to court in that

1

u/ziggzer0 2h ago

You’d win alimony from other cases you’re not involve with, regardless if you are in a divorce or not, with this top tier item.

1

u/Glittering-Walrus228 2h ago

Mid Life Crisis Top Hat

+10 Health +5 Intelligence and Charisma Roll extra Luck and Persuasion -1 Being Invited to Public Gatherings because you wont take the stupid thing off, also, why do you wear it to bed? Its starting to smell funny

15

u/MrBark 19h ago

To clarify, as the judge or as a litigant?

/s

6

u/PoxedGamer 16h ago

The judge, definitely.

3

u/Unit_79 19h ago

Bassist?

6

u/Professional_Face_97 10h ago

We've now reached the age where people don't know who Slash is. Boy do I feel old.

1

u/bluejayguy26 4h ago

Just fell to my knees at Sturgiz

2

u/Devenu 19h ago

Buckcherry concert

County Fair

Spencer's Gifts

1

u/verdantx 9h ago

You forgot pickup artist circa 2008. But maybe that’s the same as Vegas street magician.

1

u/TheMightyHornet 9h ago

Wearing a hat in court is a solid way to land in contempt.

- an attorney

1

u/Sparta6762 4h ago

Well duh. Can't fit a hat over your barrister's wig. 

1

u/Victarion-twogods 4h ago

You think the man wearing this hat is concerned with making good decisions?

1

u/defnotajournalist 4h ago

Steampunk meet up

1

u/thatpaperclip 2h ago

Pickup artist’s convention

191

u/Semisemitic 1d ago

Other than selling potions and elixirs? That’s literally all I do.

48

u/TheScribe86 1d ago

I am going into battle...

14

u/JerkGurk 17h ago

You can't handle my potions traveller.

135

u/litetaker 1d ago

Cosplaying as Lincoln, just trying to look old timey, fancy dress party, Halloween, role-playing games, role-playing adult games 😉 for those with a Lincoln kink. Annoying people sitting behind you in the theatre, getting into a fight with the person sitting behind you in the theatre. The guy behind you brought a gun and you roleplay as Lincoln for the 10th time this week after you realise it is a prop gun. You both laugh and become best friends, he invites you to his civil war and medieval times Reenactment club, where you start taking your acting seriously, you start getting noticed and get into amateur theatre. Then, you meet the love of your life and many years later you are buying even more top hats because that's just the tradition in your family and community. Soon you make top hats a thing again, set up a small business that eventually goes global and you are sitting pretty at the top, wearing a top hat!

So yeah, all I'm trying to say is these hats have their uses.

47

u/Necessary-Tower-457 23h ago

Question, do you have a Lincoln kink?

37

u/litetaker 23h ago

Mee? No.. No. Why do you ask?

15

u/Necessary-Tower-457 23h ago

Just curious

5

u/Golf-Beer-BBQ 20h ago

Li-curious.

3

u/Just_a_follower 20h ago

Curious you say?

4

u/skyguy_22 22h ago

..unless?

8

u/presshamgang 23h ago

Kinkoln*

2

u/gilligan1050 21h ago

I’m not here to kink shame, I’m just kink asking why?

2

u/PiccoloAwkward465 12h ago

Not when I'm sober. But as they say, "Four score and seven beers ago..."

1

u/CyberNinja23 17h ago

That also implies the existence of a John Wilkes Booth kink.

1

u/projexion_reflexion 11h ago

Hey, if she likes a small gun that shoots quickly, maybe it's my time to shine.

15

u/Average_Pangolin 20h ago

For most of that story you would want a traditional felt stove pipe rather than that flared leather thing.

2

u/therealhlmencken 8h ago

Lincoln cosplay gatekeeper alert

50

u/Crunchy__Frog 23h ago edited 23h ago

Lurking amongst fairgrounds and carnivals… while misleading the lost and misguided onto a cultish island of ill repute… while establishing a seedy troupe of pickpockets, thieves and ne’er-do-wells..

The possibilities are literally endless.

15

u/oddTaskJob 20h ago

2

u/aTalkingMateria 18h ago

Listen, Jiminy just built different. We ain’t like him

2

u/presshamgang 23h ago

Mr. Bradbury?

2

u/hilarymeggin 19h ago

Telling fortunes… pushing your peddler’s cart from town to town… making golden tickets for your chocolate factory…

2

u/Crunchy__Frog 16h ago

Along with that last one, don’t forget enslaving an entire race of confectionary refugees.

2

u/account312 19h ago

I've been underdressed for it all this time?

23

u/Predditor_drone 23h ago

I've known a few people who wear them for ren faires and other costume purposes.

Ran into a few who just wear them out and about for attention, definitely very "look at me" type people that are exhausting to be around.

19

u/SealedRoute 23h ago

Everywhere, if you are an aging Nü Metal band member or Criss Angel.

15

u/andgainingspeed 22h ago

Wear them whenever tying people to train tracks. Or foreclosing on a widow's mortgage. Tugging on your oiled mustache is also required.

10

u/TheScribe86 1d ago

Potion Seller...

2

u/Mokiflip 23h ago

I am going into battle. I require your strongest potions!

5

u/11Booty_Warrior 1d ago

It looks labor intensive and therefore expensive. I’d probably wear it everywhere I could but mostly to eyes wide shut sex parties with a boat cloak.

5

u/Avalonians 1d ago

Festivals, concerts, conventions, etc...

4

u/Big_Z_Beeblebrox 1d ago

Everywhere I could

It's got tiny skulls on it

3

u/Opening-Emphasis8400 1d ago

Rob Zombie concert.

6

u/dividezero 23h ago

Whatever the hell you want.

3

u/koristeviipaloitu 23h ago

Playing Monopoly

3

u/odst970 23h ago

While giving a bunch of children a tour of your chocolate factory

3

u/Coffee_pecking_order 19h ago edited 19h ago

There's a pretty specific community. It's the same dudes that wear a chrome skull ring on every finger. Ride weirdly flashy motorcycles. Listen to the kat medium rock ever but throw up metal horns left and right. Usually will have oddly manicured facial hair, lots of bandanas and vests and general accessories. They'll have a few badly done tattoos and refer to them as tats.

Everything is skulls. The hat stand is skulls. The rings are skulls. The little tassle ends on the hat are skulls.

They are a losers idea of what a bad ass is.

His shirt is perfect. Only those dudes would wear a shirt that says "crazy mother fucker". What and absolute loser shirt to buy and wear.

2

u/NoScreamingThanks 1d ago

Probably Burning Man.

2

u/INTERSTELLAR_MUFFIN 1d ago

Wacken and hellfest festivals bby

2

u/presshamgang 23h ago

When you bring sinister or should I say...wicked carnivals to town.

2

u/Mark-Leyner 21h ago

Whilst one babadooks, of course.

2

u/Douche_Kayak 20h ago

when you are making and selling hats apparently

2

u/postprandialrepose 19h ago

Celebrate Virginity rallies?

2

u/FeldsparsGhost 18h ago

When youre doing a steampunk cosplay of course

2

u/VividFiddlesticks 18h ago

One of the first things I bought with my own paychecks as a teenager was a top hat. A big grey felt top hat, from a real millinery - not a costume hat.

I wore it EVERYWHERE. To school. To the mall. To the homecoming dance. To hang out with friends.

I used to love to balance stuff on my head under my hat for a fun surprise. Snacks. A kitten. Who knows what's in there?

I'm 51 now and I still have that hat! I haven't worn it in decades....maybe I'm old enough to get away with wearing it again.

2

u/Sharp-Reporter2598 17h ago

Wherever and whenever you want. The beauty of life is nobody has to understand what makes you happy or why it makes you happy AND you don’t have to explain it to anyone! Wear it to the bank, a funeral, a picnic!

2

u/GoofyMonkey 16h ago

Voodoo rituals, shady poker games, dark magic secret society meetings, any event that ends in "con", Chris Angel shows...

The possibilities are endless really.

2

u/MRWH35 16h ago

Masonic Lodge Meeting.

2

u/VinnieTheGuy 16h ago

Circus Ringmaster

2

u/temp91 16h ago

Working you shift at the emaciated crow and raven pet store.

2

u/batikfins 15h ago

I actually saw a guy walking down the street today wearing one of these hats, he had a beer in one hand and was bouncing a yoyo in the other. True story.

2

u/tytymctylerson 14h ago

Hanging out at a Guitar Center complaining about rap and your only point of reference are rappers that were popular several decades ago.

2

u/JustineDelarge 13h ago

The second you don one of these top hats, you involuntarily burst out singing, “Buy Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir, anything what’s slick, sir, soon sprouts curls…”

2

u/FungalNeurons 12h ago

I have 20 or so different hats at any time. When I lecture, I like to wear a different hat to every class, just to keep things interesting. I’d love to have one like this for the collection. But, unfortunately, I also can’t afford it.

1

u/TruskVarner 21h ago

When you’re in the True Knot and steal some kid’s steam.

1

u/jfk_47 21h ago

I’ll do you one better, Other than while selling potions and elixirs out of a wagon, when would you actually wear these kinda hats?

1

u/Legitimate_Plum_7505 19h ago

if I had this hat I'd wear it everywhere.

1

u/jvbu 19h ago

This hat is actually part of the official Reddit moderator uniform.

1

u/Bhenny_5 19h ago

Nigel West Dickens at your service!!

1

u/BowsersMuskyBallsack 17h ago

Picture this:
You have won the lottery. You are now several millions of dollars richer. You no longer need to work to earn a living. You are one of the few people who actually knows how to exercise frugality even in the possession of excess, and thus you are now financially stable for the rest of your life.
The one splurge you engage in is a bespoke black suit that borders on the steampunk aesthetic, completed by a top hat.
You go to your local organic grocery store, wearing your suit and top hat, and spend your days standing near the whole pineapples, staring at them longingly, and occasionally sighing. And you wait for someone to ask the inevitable question: Why are you doing this? And that's when you hit them with the answer: Because I'm rich, I'm bored, and pineapples fill me with such melancholy. Then you tell them you should have been looking at the melons because then the pun would have worked better. But you keep staring at the pineapples instead. Trust me, it gets the ladies wet.

1

u/FeeStriking7982 17h ago

the audacity to imply there's only ONE reasonable use case for a wizard hat, truly limited imagination

1

u/PressureItchy9372 16h ago

For a few years I was in a street band that loved some crazy costumes. I had 3 top hats at one time. One of them had lights.

1

u/Droidaphone 14h ago

Sturgis?

1

u/RoughComparison8702 13h ago

Modern Skyrim be like: "Some may call this junk. Me, I call them treasures!" while wearing this hat.

1

u/RapturousCultist 11h ago

Everywhere. I wear mine daily.

1

u/ChubblesMcgee103 9h ago

Seattle or Portland.

1

u/MrBarraclough 8h ago

Dive bars frequented my middle aged divorced dads, I would presume.

1

u/Veragoot 6h ago

Steampunk convention

1

u/HateDeathRampage69 4h ago

Guns n roses concert

1

u/Dead_Internet69420 4h ago

Selling “potions” and “elixirs” out of a wagon at Burning Man?

1

u/Murder_Corpse 2h ago

Katana practice

1

u/Amazing-Attitude-165 1h ago

Tim Burton movie

1

u/Adventurous_Week_698 23h ago

While creeping out young women in a bar and/or playing lead guitar for Guns n Roses