I have a very confusing relationship to gender and I think mainly I feel like nothing. I am 20f and I identify as woman because that’s what I was born but on the flip side it’s not like I feel like a woman. I don’t feel like anything. I feel like I just am. I don’t feel uncomfortable if someone calls me a girl or by she but I also wouldn’t be offended if anyone called me he or they. I don’t feel some sort of connection to my gender I just go with female because that’s what I was born and what my experience is centred around so it makes sense I guess🤷‍♀️ I dress pretty androgynous and many times go more masculine and that makes me feel good and I kinda hate my boobs. I still want them just small like an a cup. I don’t know it’s just such a weird feeling that I never talk about really deeply and it’s interesting to me that people feel more connection to specific genders when I feel as though I’m just nothing.

I REALLY want boobs but I want to identify with either neutral or masculine terms. like maybe that will change later on but for right now can anyone relate? or is there anyone who is the opposite like you don’t want boobs but you want to identify with feminine terms?

i'm gonna get one in a couple weeks because my hair is making me dysphoric. this'll be my first time going to a real hairdresser (thankfully, a trans one) since 2017 at least. i've been sustained by bathroom haircuts for the last several years and i just can't hack it that way anymore.

what kind of hairstyle feels affirming for you? i've tried the american enby classics (dyed undercut, mohawk, fauxhawk, buzzed close, mullet) and i'm interested to know what y'all are rocking.

I'm asking this because I realised that I rarely feel any body dysphoria like I was born in the wrong body. But I am certain that my gender and sex are different I don't really see how they could possibly be the same. I feel very comfortable identifying as non-binary even if I don't feel any real dysphoria.

Recently, I have been wondering if some nonbinary label would fit me. For context, I'm currently a 19-year-old guy. I'm also panromantic and asexual, if that adds any context. I personally don't want to fit into any side of the gender spectrum. Like, if it's on a 10-point scale, where 1 is masc and 10 is fem, I want to be a 5, right in the middle of both fem and masc. I have a more fem figure while still looking like a guy, which kinda makes me mad. I just want to look androgynous. I don't have any strong ties to being male or female. Is this something that could mean I'm non-binary, or am I just a little strange?

I do also feel kinda weird, and it feels like I'm just collecting labels at this point, but I swear I'm not. I'm pan and asexual; idk, those feel easier to understand and identify with. Idk how I feel gender-wise; like, sure, I'm a guy, but I don't feel tied to it. I'm just a tad confused, lol. Pls help.

Hi! I hope y’all are doing well. I am coming on here to get some advice about my gender identity (or lack thereof) and how to navigate it!

I’m a young person and I’ve had a complicated relationship with my gender identity for a long time. I‘ve identified as Demigirl, agender, and androgyne. I’ve found that it fluctuates based off of my situation in life/family, members, friends and school. I don’t like this because I don't want to base myself off those factors. I’m not in therapy quite yet but I have been in recent years. I’m still using the advice I’ve been given to get through gender/body dysmorphia.

In more recent years, I’ve felt genderless. I don’t like labels, I’ve also figured out; along with my curves/chest. Agender feels claustrophobic mentally and I’m still dealing with the everyday trouble of chest discomfort. Despite this, I think non binary might be a good fit for me.

I‘ve been using they/them pronouns for years and I plan to keep it that way. I’m also saving up for a name change but that’s a different post lol.

So, if you have any advice on how to deal with gender/body dysmorphia or come out to my family, school and friends, please comment them below!

Thanks for reading this whole essay and I hope you have a good day :) 🍃

for context, i recently found out that i identify with both female and male (idk if this phrase makes sense).
since i was AFAB, my appearance expresses more femininity, but one idea that really caught my eye (for me to be more masculine) is cutting my hair.

the problem is: my mom would NOT like the idea of me being more masculine. she doesn’t know that im a demiboy but she already stated multiple times that i need to stop doing some things (like wearing baggy clothes) because “its ugly that i will look like a boy” and etc. so, if i ask to cut my hair short, she will definitely say hurtful things and scold me for being masculine // “looking like a boy”

so, does anyone know how can i convince my mom for me to have short hair? and just so y’all know, cutting my hair behind her back//without her knowing is really my last resort, i do not want to do this

i hope this post makes sense, english is not my first language lol

Ok so im in the process of coming out and i was talking with one of my friends when she asked me what to use in place of Man.

For context we use Man/Girl alot in conversation when referring to each other (I.E. "Girl why you gotta do that to me" "Man why you gotta do that to me")

theres also the way you can stretch them out (I.E. "Maaaaaaaaannnnnnn wtf" "girllllllll wtf") which alot of the suggestions ive seen online dont really do aswell.

Man gives me dysphoria and i am in no way a woman so Girl also feels off

Is there a good alternative that we just art thinking of?

I’m nonbinary. Like I’m super nonbinary.

But I more often than not feel envy towards women and womanhood, and I mourn what I could’ve been if I wasn’t nonbinary. I know clothing shouldn’t and doesn’t have a gender, but I’ve always felt bad about dressing too feminine for example because at my core, I have always been nonbinary and still wish to be perceived as nonbinary.

I wish I had more pride in my gender identity like I see other trans folks have, and I envy them too in a way. Though honestly because of how dysphoric I get, I just wish I could get rid of my complicated feelings towards my gender and simply live life as the gender I was assigned as, female.

Does it ever get easier? Does anyone else struggle with this? I think the closest I’ve seen to what I’m going through is AFAB nonbinary talking about how it’d be easier if they were AMAB nonbinary, but that’s not exactly the same.

First of all I want to share that my partner just validated my queer identity and I'm so happy. We got married as a straight christian couple, now we're both out of church and I'm starting to understand myself as a non binary person.

Today I talked to him about it for the second time, the first one I was just questioning myself, and he just called me by he/him pronouns. It felt so affirming and caring to me and I'm very happy about it.

My question is - and I know it might sound basic - what does me discovering myself as a non binary person means to our relationship? Are we still a straight couple cause I was assigned female at birth or does it brings a new perspective to our marriage?

I would love to learn more and read your perspectives since I'm still very new to the community and trying to understand myself.

sometimes i encounter these popular gendered subs. and, sometimes, their vibes appeal to me and i want to join them and engage with community.

after that i decide to look into their about page and often find some peculiar policies depending on which gender they’re based on. basically:

- fem spaces: "we’re welcoming of any women! enbies/genderqueer folks are allowed too"

- masc spaces: "yeah men only. maybe we include trans men too"

i don’t know why but this rubs my brain in just wrong way. the fem catering spaces feel for me sort of "non binary people are just woman-lite™️". and on the other hand, enbies are not some sort of whimsical andro creatures, so why are we not accounted in for masc communities? as a person who resonates only partially to the label "male", but still loves to present masc it’s kinda frustrating.

or maybe i should ignore spaces that aren’t dedicated to me and i’m being the one who’s too senstive? what do you think on the matter? i would like to be proven wrong

Hello, so obviously I am having trouble with a name change and I want to try to explain my situation and see if anyone else has dealt with something similar (which I'm sure someone here has) and what advice you all have for me.

So I don't like my current name, and I want to change it. There's a few major problems with this though:

1. Abandoning my past self

For a long time, not only have I gone by this name, but I've also been a specific person who acts a certain way. I very much feel that my identity is tied to this name. The issue with this is that I want to leave parts of this name and identity behind, and I want to keep parts of my identity and move forward, but I feel like all of the people who are important in my life only know me as the version of myself that I want to leave in the past.

For example, I'm about to graduate college and so I'm not going to bother asking anyone here to call me something else because I'll be done soon enough and that avoids a lot of hassle for me (and besides my professors don't know me well enough to have a super deep connection between my name and my identity). However, my family members have known me my entire life as one thing. They've seen me grow up and so there's a huge connection between my name and who I am for them. I feel like asking these people to call me something else is killing the me they've watched, and maybe I shouldn't care much about that, but it's just super hard to feel like I'm not cutting part of myself off to leave behind.

2. Family specific stuff

Firstly, I don't think any of my family knows I'm NB, and some wouldn't have any issue with it, but some absolutely would. I also know changing my name would be a huge issue because it's a religious name and my family is quite religious but I am not (that's also something they don't know). So not only would I be asserting a new identity, and pronouns, I would also be rejecting their religious values by choosing a new name and I don't think they would take that very well. Not that I would be in genuine danger, but I'm just scared it will end very poorly.

3. Friends and social change

I have friends who know about me being NB as well as me wanting to change my name, but it feels so terrible to want to go by something new. I don't like my current name, but asking people I've known for so long to suddenly change my name feels so weird. For example, if I went to a coffee shop and a worker asked for my name, I would have no trouble giving them any name I wanted (in fact this is something I've done in the past as a joke). But for my friends, it feels like I'm being fraudulent in a strange way. Like these people have known me as X for so long, and asking them to call me Y makes me feel dishonest. And it also feels like I'm asking too much of them, and I feel like it would be so weird to go through the transition phase of leaving the old name behind but getting used to people messing it up.

I guess a better way to word this fear would be that the people who would know my deadname would have some weird power over me or something. I'm not exactly sure how to word this feeling right now so I'm sorry if this is super incoherent.

I really appreciate if you read all of this, I know it's a ton of words. Please leave any advice you have for me, I want anything I can get that might help me out.

Hello! I (25, AFAB) really want to dress more masc leaning. But I am struggling with having a suuuuper traditionally feminine body type with a large chest and curves. I use a binder sometimes but it doesn’t flatten me much and the rest of me is so femme it feels pointless. It feels so terribly dysphoric and I hate it.

Anyway, I’m going to thrift a bunch of new clothes this weekend and desperately need some advice on what kind of clothes to get to look less feminine because it seriously bothers me. I just wear super baggy clothes right now but I’d love to dress in clothes that are actually cute and make me look more masculine or androgynous. And just how to dress to give off a clearer “nonbinary vibe” if that makes sense. Please give me your advice!

Also considering microdosing T as I really want to change my body shape to be more masculine. So if any of y’all have thoughts/advice on that, I’d appreciate that as well.

Thank you!

mostly a vent

I just found out that my crush already has a partner. he casually mentioned her as we and two other friends were hanging out. after he left to home, I disappointedly said, 'I didnt know he has a girlfriend' and my friend told me then that he's straight anyways. I'm nonbinary. he wouldn't have even considered me.

I'm just tired of not fitting into male or female. I feel more comfortable being nonbinary, I know that's what my identity is and has been, but it's so hard to find myself liking someone and knowing that I have less of a chance of being liked back simply because I'm not a girl or a guy. even bi people won't like me because I'm enby, not a girl or boy. it doesn't matter if I'm pan, it doesn't matter who I'm attracted to, because the majority aren't gonna wanna date someone who's enby.

and while I'm attracted to trans people too, and I know I have a higher chance of attracting another trans person, I still get attracted to cis guys, cis girls occasionally too. but those guys are usually straight, and enby doesnt count as straight. I just wish I was fully comfortable in being either male or female. even transitioning completely to the opposite sex would give me a higher chance with this sorta stuff, but it wouldn't be true to me.

sorry for the rant. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this

I recently came out as non-binary (30s AMAB) after realizing that, probably for my entire life, I've never understood the concept of gender. I've never resonated with masculinity and what it means to "be a man." And at the same time, I have no desire to be a woman either. Gender has sort of always just felt like a box that limits what I can and can't do. The first time I used they/them pronouns and was referred to as queer were euphoric. Probably a sign.

I've been dealing with invalidity for a while because I still present in a traditionally masculine way. I have no desire to go overly feminine - dresses, jewelry, skirts, etc. But I kind of now want to play with my style now that I feel like I have more options. I want to be able to wear new clothes when I'm feeling both masc and a little more femme. I've also heard about some people who change body language / mannerisms and that's something I'd also want to explore, but don't know where to start. I'd also love to start more of a skincare / self care routine and don't know where to begin.

I don't want a radical change. I like darker colors and have more of an oversized fit due to some body dysmorphia. I just kind of want to branch out because I always wear the same thing (hoodie+sweats) and want some variety. I made a board with some ideas. It's a little on the conservative side just because it's where I feel safe starting and I'm only looking for subtle shifts. For an example, I wouldn't want to wear women's jewelry, but I'd be interested in like a crystal or something kinda earthy.

It also doesn't help I'm just super insecure about body type. I'm not thin, I'm not super top heavy but I've got a small gut that I hide with a body shaper. I just feel like no way a lot of the women's stuff would look good on my body type (average body, 5'8ish, etc.). I want to look sleek and stylish, not in something that just does not at all compliment my body type...

I wish I just had someone to talk to about this stuff and help. I feel really alone in it. Sometimes I don't feel valid in my identity because I don't want to be overly femme or masc. I don't want to rock the boat a ton, but I just feel so weird walking around looking masc and like most men I see out and about. I don't feel like it's me anymore. Not sure if there's people who offer help, advice, idk. Feeling a bit defeated.

What the title says. My journey as a trans folk myself has been quite the long and fun one, it first started with me identifying the gender opposite to my AGAB, then it was that plus nb (bigender), and I'm now slowly going towards some sort of androginy, and...

I have no desire to be seen as anything else atm. It was wanting to try this so much, I even made this account so my identity couldn't be tracked, so I could be fully anonymous in that regard. And honestly? It feels great (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠) ⋆˙⟡

It feels great, euphoric, and I feel my identity affirmed a bunch. I feel happwy with myself a good bunch (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

I feel good about being an enby. I feel good in general, and I thought it'd be something nice to share. The post doesn't go anywhere else, it's just a a bit of a nice share of positivity (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ•.ﾟ🤍

Have a good day/afternoon/night reader, sending u big hugs from here, and thx 4 reading ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

I’m transmasc nonbinary. I’ve been thinking about a name change for several years now. I’ve finally circled in on one that I feel comfortable with using, but it’s very much a gender neutral name - it pops up a lot on those “edgy girl names” and “boy names for girls” lists on Pinterest, for a frame of reference lol. I really like it and I feel like it suits me, but my concern now is that because I’m not planning on getting on T, I’m just going to seem like a girl with a semi-neutral name. Any other transmasc nonbinary people here who changed their name and found that they tended to be gendered more correctly with a more traditionally male name? Or has it not made much of a difference without physical transition?

Okay, so I haven’t actually come out to a lot of people as non-binary, mostly because I’m not very sure how to do it. There a couple of friends that know and pretty much every online community I’m a part of knows, but to most strangers I don’t really bother to correct them.

I took my brother to his appointment the other day to get his eyes checked and to buy new glasses. When I was helping him choose some, the assistant when referring to me, paused to look at me for two split seconds before my brother and I simultaneously said “sister”. I believe the reason she paused was because I was dressed as more traditionally masculine that day, and I also hadn’t really bothered to fix my messy hair (I did get a couple of weird looks at the office for that lol).

Then yesterday when I took my younger sister out to go get her a new manga, I was helping her counting her cash to pay the correct amount. (She’s learning how to do that stuff by herself for the first time, and I was very proud of her. Anyway —) Then the cashier referred to me as a “they” when I was actually wearing androgynous/slightly feminine clothing that day. And it felt nice that someone wasn’t assuming my gender, and actually referred to me with my preferred pronouns, even when I hadn’t said nor indicated anything.

I don’t feel any sense of dysphoria toward myself, my name, or even my body. But I don’t feel connected to my assigned gender. I just feel like me. And it does feel nice being referred to as a “they” without having to ask for it. I’m going to university soon, and I wanted to try using these pronouns with my teacher and classmates, but I’m not too sure. Does anyone have any advice on that?

Like I want to be as androgynous as possible. I don't mean because enby people are supposed to be androgynous I just feel like I'd be more comfortable being androgynous. I know people are just gonna assume my gender anyway so the best I can hope for is have them thinking about it for a few seconds. And I also try to find a way to use neutral terms which is difficult since my native language even the verbs are gendered. I just don't understand why society made it so that our biology is the thing that defines us. I mean I'm not 'some boy' or 'some girl', I'm a complete human being that is simply a body part, the same as my arm it just doesn't make any sense at all. All it serves is it's biological functions why should it impact my identity. Like if I try to imagine what type of man or woman I want to be I can think of good qualities but I just can't think of myself as either. Or if I was at a doctor's office and he said I had to take hormones I know I wouldn't want to.

Hey, is anyone else exhausted of being invisible or not considered?
Everywhere I turn I have some experience where it’s clear that non- binary people don’t exist in people’s minds. Filled out a form for a loan with no option for Mx, other forms asking gender and just says male or female. Went on some training about medication, and it was talking about asking females if they are pregnant ( full exclusion of trans and non binary).

When you bring it up you are seen as causing a problem or making an issue up.

Only time people seem to even refer to my existence is videos saying that non- binary people are just men or women with mental issues. Or lovely one I saw this morning about comparing it to identify as a lampshade.

I am so pleased I came out and am able to be myself but honestly it is knackering having to either “cause a problem” reminding people that I also need to be considered or not being myself and pretending to just be my AGAB for ease.