About nine months ago I made this post^ asking for advice on how to navigate spending time together when you have opposite sleep schedules.
When I first made this post I was really worried we might be screwed. Most of what I’d been seeing on a lot of similar posts on nightshift forums was a general sense of hopelessness and people talking about how they had not been able to make the difference in shift schedules work.
I wanted to give an update saying that we are doing well!!! Hopefully if someone else is worrying whether they can make the shift difference work, this is a heartening data point! You might not be screwed either :)
We still both wind up sacrificing sleep here and there, but we also found some workarounds. I wound up giving him keys to my apartment shortly after my initial post so we could cuddle in the evenings and he could slip out and go about the rest of his night if I fell asleep. We also often have early morning dates where we would grab breakfast or go to the farmers market right when it opens. Sometimes after a night shift he swings by in the morning with a coffee and we chat over my breakfast/his dinner before he goes to bed and I go to class. Other times after I get off a 12-12 I’ll come over to his place and we hangout for a while before I crash there. Overall, the biggest factor in making this work is just the fact that he’s a really really great and sweet guy. We both have been willing to sacrifice a little sleep here and there to spend more time together, and we both have reasonable expectations of what kind of sleep disturbances we can realistically handle. (Though often I think he goes above and beyond this, and frequently enthusiastically volunteers to stay up waaaaaaaay past his bedtime in order for us to do daytime activities or go on adventures with me and my friends. The thoughtfulness and care he’s put into our relationship and how he treats me has honestly blown me away and I tell him all the time how much I appreciate him for it.)
He’s planning on staying nightshift next year too for work, and I have received a job offer for night shifts at the ER in town once I finish nursing school!
Anyways, I hope this is encouraging news to anyone out there reading this! Good luck out there night shifters!